just a fan

23

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

Idk if anyone knows what I am talking about but I imagine in an alternative universe where ilya gets recless during the rose landery era he gets outed making out with a dude and bc he is prissy as fuck he has a fight with marley like a few days before he gets outed and then the next day in the locker room one dude with balls of steal is like dude is that why you and marly fought bc he doesn't like you being gay and everyone is baffled and then marly is so offended bc what the fuck and then he says why would I not be okey with him being gay and the other guy is like isn't it against your relegion bc marley is italian catholic and cliff is like dude I don't even practice what the fuck and then ilya tries to get a word in edge wise but someone else is like wait what about all those girls and ilya is still trying to explain and someone else is like he could be bi thats when you like both which ilya is like thank you and someone else is like or pan and then someone asks then whats the diffrence and the other guys is like idk dude I didn't get that far into my gender studies class I droped out to play hockey remember and someone turns to ilya and says in a friend way so does that mean all the girls are for us now since you are a fag which people try to be like you cant say that dude but ilya is like I can still fuck girls but also me liking dick doesn't make you less ugly and the guy laughs and says fuck you and then they ask if the guy is his boyfriend and and ilya says no and then they ask him if he has a boyfriend and ilya is emberessed to say his situationship imploded on his face but now he can share the truth a little so he says something along the lines of jane was my boyfriend he dumped me and they are all like oh shit dude is that why you've been such a mean fuck lately and ilya is afraid they are gonna think its bullshit that he is hang up on a guy when he can get any girl he wants but they are really sypmathetic and are like shit man we knew how much you liked her well him take all the time you need to heal and ilya is a little emotional about it but he gets over it quick and thats how he comes out to his team and if it sounded familar its bc its the exact same coming out scene from skam do I think hokey player are woke enough for this or have enough emotional intelligence for this spesific senario no do I think they have the same amount of emotional intelligence ad highschoolers and will to anything in their power to help a bro out of heartbreak yes I do hence skam coming out scene and also after the coming out scene I can see his friends giving him advice like isaks friends gave him about not getting played which is an extra layer in and of itself.

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

Do any of y'all know that one Heated Rivalry fic with Shane crushing his car and ilya texting him to make fun of him I was gonna read it but I lost the name

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

Found it thanks tho if anyones curious this is the fic

https://archiveofourown.org/works/85154581

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

Do any of y'all know that one Heated Rivalry fic with Shane crushing his car and ilya texting him to make fun of him I was gonna read it but I lost the name

[shaneofaragon]

is it any surprise that ilya latent suicidal tendencies rozanov was a club rat in the early 2010s when every single song was a variation of Tonight Is Literally The Only Night Worth Being Alive We Are All Killing Ourselves Tomorrow

[rattus-stultus]

Ilya and Cliff

[shesasaint]

i feel like cliff marleau is like melissa from abbott elementary. a huge extended family, ties to everyone in the country. he's got a guy for everything. oh your car broke? he knows a guy who can get tires and car parts super cheap, just don't mind the junkyard where he lives. you have a scummy landlord? he knows a guy who can go over and threaten him, and he’s only been in jail twice! he's got a cousin who can get him through every door to a sold-out concert or baseball game, he has an uncle who can get him a seat at any restuarant, he has another cousin who will tow anyone out of your designated parking space. he knows every guy who knows a guy in boston.

[deletiaclementine]

Something I eat up in fic every time is when Shane calls Ilya pretty or hot or beautiful and it stops Ilya and his low self esteem in his tracks to ask “do you really think so?” because Shane never says it and poor autistic blueberry Shane is like “I figured he knew on account of all the very enthusiastic sluttery we engage in together”

[memyselfandi13531]

i love imagining that ilya is hung as hell because of course he would be but i don't think you people understand how big 9 inches is. that's literally longer than a vagina! he would regularly be bruising cervix (which is not a haha fun thing most of the time). it would not be possible for him to have quickies!! the amount of foreplay that he would have to do for women and men just to get it in without too much pain would be insane. he was totally fucking lying!!!! #myilya is 6.5 inches hard and that's enough. that's plenty!!!!

[shieldofiron]

Ilya: You think I do not know this? I am listening to him at a high rate.

[suraks-sweet-tits]

I want a sugar baby au where Shane is the one with money because I don't think he would understand what's happening. I don't need them to have an age gap or anything and I think it's funnier if they don't cus it would just confuse Ilya more. The reason I need it so badly and find it so compelling is I think in most cases if Ilya is the sugar Daddy he would understand that as an/the dynamic of their relationship and go into it with his eyes open(and actually it would cause problems in itself because he wouldn't think Shane loved him for him and he would probably think that Shane just has affection for him because of what he can do for him but he loves Shane so much that if that is the best he can get he will take it and thinks thats fair. Which also goes hard so if anyone has any recommendations with that kinda miscommunication in them please hit me up.) Whereas I don't think(depending on the circumstances) Shane would automatically understand it that way. He would just immediately wanna do everything in his power to make Ilya's life easier in any way(which is my one of my fav characteristics for myshane anyway regardless of circumstances) and money is just one of those things. And even if they are not dating or anything to eachother Shane has more money than he can ever use and he doesn't give a fuck about it so obviously he's gonna try to fix the life of this perfect guy he just met. Meanwhile broke Ilya is just confused as fuck by what this guys deal is and probably trusts it alot less and is more closed off initially than he would be if Shane just behaved like he was trying to use him for sex because he knows what rich men want from people with his looks they buy things for so why is this guy pretending it doesn't matter?

And I wanna emphasise that Shane is not naive or stupid so when he has money I know he would know how people take advantage of that and pretend to want him for it(the book doesn't explicitly talk about gold diggers or anything but there was the comment of women just like that he's famous so they are less critical of his performance). BUT Ilya is just an automatic exception to so many things with him it just never occurs to him that it would apply because he wants Ilya to have his money whether Ilya wants him or not.(Obviously he also want's Ilya to want him but that's a totally separate thing)

Anyway I'm probably too lazy to write it but do y'all see the vibe? I'm just pretty convinced this is how it would go down.

[totearup]

Cliff can't believe he didn't figure it out sooner. The strange move to Ottawa. How happy he's been. And most damming of all, "Jane", it fucking rhymes!

He watches a highlight reel of Ilya celebrating with his line and realizes he's just going to have to accept it.

Ilya was in love with Zane Boodram.

[allstarrocks]

a coked up ilya is horny fun party boy, but a coked up shane would Kill People

[stabthroughme]

The Raiders start paying the "Roz" tax when he's made captain: taking a photo of them petting a dog with the name, breed, age, and a line of backstory on the dog.

"Roz I met Harley today, she's 7 years old and she's a Rescue Special that her people adopted cause she looked goofy in her adoption profile image. 9/10 texture cause she's wirey and her people have gotten stabbed by her fur a couple times"

"Roz this is Bailey, she's a 5 month old beagle. She likes to feel Tall so her people have a staircase on their wall above their couch. Because she will hurl herself off the top step to go bark at the door. 10000/10 soft ears"

Which eventually results in:

"Roz I'm gonna be late to practice cause I have been corralled by this border collie St Bernese mix and she's very insistent I finish her walk with her now. Also her owner is a single lady and she's very nice to talk to" accompanied by a million photos of the dog on the walk and that dog being the flower girl at one of the raiders' wedding within a year and a half.

Ilya does the inverse for Shane post-cottage. He sends pictures of dogs he sees.

More than once the reply has been "Ilya that's a coyote"

[toasted-rivalry]

A ‘Bears walk in to Ilya’s house and see him napping with Shane AU’ where Ilya somehow manages to still keep Shane’s identity a secret.

Ilya always had been a light sleeper, so no matter how lightly they stepped he was awake moments after the first shocked gasp.

Ilya knows it’s over for him. There’s no mistaking that there’s a man asleep on his chest in a clearly non-platonic cuddle. Usually Ilya would be punching the intruder, threatening violence to try and ensure they kept their mouth shut but he has quickly realised something far more important. With the way they are sleeping, Ilya on his underneath on his back and Shane on his stomach on top with his face pressed into the gap between Ilya’s neck and the couch, they can’t see his face.

He quickly pulls Shane’s hood up over his head to hide hair and rests a hand over it to gently discourage Shane from moving it should he start to wake up.

So Ilya just stares down his team and goes “you can be upset, but are going to be fucking quiet about it because if you wake my guest I’m sending all my blackmail on you to your wives, and then start fucking them to help them get over the divorce.”

So the whole “You’re fucking gay!” “No, I’m a fucking bi who is fucking a gay” conversation happens at a furious whisper, with Shane blissfully sleeping on Ilya’s chest as life implodes around him.

Shane may be a deep sleeper - and the argument in whispers - but even he starts to stir at the noise.

Ilya can’t have him moving his face into visibility now, so he just scruffs the back of his neck harshly and pressed him deeper into his shoulder.

Shane lets out a pleased (and not at all quiet) moan, and - worried that he is going to start talking - Ilya realises he needs to shut him up.

So he glares at the Bears to be quiet, while suddenly putting on the softest voice they have ever heard him use as he goes, “shhh quiet time now mоя любовь. Back to sleep.” And then shoves his fingers into Shane’s mouth.

When the Bears leave soon after, some of them have LEARNT some things about themselves. But crucially, none of them have learnt who their captain is fucking.

[maraleestuff]

I want a friendship between Shane and Cliff Marleau (sort of like an extrovert adopts an introvert type of thing). Pre-outing, they’re close enough that Shane comes out to him.

“Hey,” Cliff says, suddenly struck with the best idea he’s ever had. “I think I know someone you’d get along great with.”

“Marleau, I’m not really looking—“

“No, no, trust me. He’s a good guy, and one of the best hockey players I’ve ever met—aside from you, of course.”

Shane isn’t sure where Cliff is going with this, but he does know he’s not interested in anyone but Ilya.

“I know you mean well but—“

“Rozanov,” Cliff announces, grin a mile wide, and Shane blinks. Cliff, for his part, is incredibly sure this is a good idea; he knows that Ilya is bisexual, even if he doesn’t talk about it. Even Cliff is aware of the dangers with Russia. Even if the rest of the league hates it, they can fuck off.

Mistaking Shane’s silence for skepticism, Cliff continues, “I know he seems like an asshole, but he’s one of the best men you’ll ever meet. I know you’ve seen it—the whole rivalry thing is bullshit anyways, right? He’s actually a big softie…”

Cliff talks up Ilya, and Shane smiles, glad that Ilya has such a good friend—even though he isn’t sure how to tell Cliff that he and Ilya are already an item.

[himbomarleau]

Thinking about a scenario where Marleau goes to all stars instead of Ilya because Ilya is injured and he ends up hanging out with Shane all weekend and they actually hit it off? Shane is nervous because he knows Marly is Ilya's bro and he doesn't want to embarrass himself in front of him. Marleau is sticking with Shane because he's a bit in awe of playing on the same team as The Shane Hollander. Eventually Shane starts letting out his bitchy one liners under his breath and Marleau is eating it up. By the end of the weekend they are a chirping machine. Marleau is teeing Shane up and Shane is landing the most devastating insults.

Marleau comes back to Boston and is like man Roz you would love Hollander if you could get past the rivalry and Ilya is just staring wide eyed at him. Marly is going off about how funny Shane is and talking up his hockey iq. Ilya is just like ha ha. Yes. If only I didn't hate his guts... meanwhile he's furiously texting "Jane" "Marleau is my friend. You can't have him"

[halfwayto-h3ll]

the headcanon that really keeps me up at night is that ilya was a vine star, and subsequently had to deal with the shutdown of vine during 2016 rosegate

[cliff-marleaus-left-toe]

I have a similar headcanon regarding something I think since its canon that ilya is into fast cars he'd be an big formula 1 fan and I think he saw brocades divorce live while rosegate was happening and thats why he stoped watching f1