ive been thoroughly bamboozled @helpmyeverythingdoesntwork - Tumblr Blog

The crazy part about pain is that it actually hurts alot

able bodied allies of disabled people when your disability genuinely has no secret upside and makes you useless to a late stage capitalist society

firefox-official

having a bad day (didnt take my meds) and i dont know why (i did not take my medication)

hollowboobtheory

not enough people understand that disability benefits are basically what it would look like if you turned "if you're too sick for school you're too sick for video games" into an official public policy

flamingqueer-engineer

me: did i take my meds yet today? chest: *immediately starts hurting* me: ah, i didn't

#pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #dysautonomia #chest pain #chronically ill #chronic illness #actually chronically ill #actually disabled #disabled #disability

trulyexhausted

Pseudodementia caused by depression is so weird. First you notice something is off, maybe it’s a bad day, a bad week… But the symptoms don’t go away, they stay, they get worse… You can’t focus, have a conversation, think, you can’t study, work, your memory span gets shorter and shorter… And you can only live the present moment, with a strange feeling accompanying you, no one knowing what you’re going through, because on the outside you just seem a little distracted, clumsier, but that’s it.

theresstillgrowinghere

I am having trouble writing down what I feel in my bones.

I am having trouble because I have cognitive impairment. Some people call it brain fog, but I think that doesn’t capture how debilitating and utterly devastating it is.

Before I got sick, I used to be a writer, a reader, a successful student, an avid debater. I used to think. A lot. You never realize how much happens in your head until suddenly everything shuts off.

Nothing happens up there anymore. It’s just dust bunnies and cotton fluff. I can’t think at all. I lose every thought as it passes through my head. Everything just slips through my fingers.

My memory is horrible. Usually I can’t remember what happened the day before. Usually I don’t remember what month it is. It hurts my heart that the memories I have logged will eventually dissolve. Everything dissolves. There is nothing tangible here.

I can’t follow the plots of the simplest books and tv shows and movies because I can’t remember and because I get confused. I spend a lot of my life confused. You never quite get used to it, but you learn to swallow the confusion.

It’s terribly isolating. So much of relationships relies on our cognitive functioning. I am lost in the world and in my brain. I get confused just trying to have basic conversations. I know it makes me boring and hard to have a conversation with. You have to be very patient with my mind to have a relationship with me.

It’s terribly isolating, but it makes you need other people. I need help holding my life together. It’s awful to be so dependent.

Cognitive impairment is just one symptom of my illnesses, but it’s one that often gets overlooked and misunderstood. People say, “You’re still who you were before you got sick.”

No, I’m not, though I so desperately want to be. I miss my brain so much.

ancientartifacts1010

Very often I feel like theres literally a giant baloon in my brain that blocks everything inside. Because of it the thoughts just don’t manifest in my head. They just don’t

Not because I don’t care enough to think of something. Not because im lazy to try and think. My brain just doesn’t work, and sometimes I cant even force it to think of anything

When you want me to say something or comment on something you say to me and i struggle and dont say much, I’m sorry if that hurts you or makes you feel invalid /srs Im trying

hgnnhnghghgh i have a fever