adventures in not starving to death

recipes for the culinarily-challenged

[helpwhatisfood]

kraft mac-n-cheese™

materials 1. 1 box kraft mac-n-cheese™ 2. cheddar cheese 3. black pepper 4. salt 5. butter/margarine 6. (optional) bacon bits

procedure 1. microwave pasta, water, salt for about 10 minutes 2. drain pasta 3. pour half kraft mac-n-cheese™ packet into pasta. save the rest for later 4. put some butter and some actual cheddar cheese into it 5. sprinkle lightly with black pepper and (optional) bacon bits

[helpwhatisfood]

chicken salad sandwiches

materials 1. chopped chicken 2. mayonnaise 3. salt 4. bread 5. chopped pineapple (wet preferred, dried is ok)

procedure 1. combine chicken, mayonnaise, salt, pineapple 2. (optional) toast bread 3. put mixture on bread and eat it

[helpwhatisfood]

chocolate oatmeal

materials 1. 2 cups oatmeal 2. 5 cups water 3. cocoa powder 4. sugar 5. a pot

procedure 1. make cups oatmeal according to the directions on the box 2. add one tsp cocoa powder to pot 2b. you will be tempted to add more. don't be a hero 3. get bowlful and add sugar to taste 4. yes it is supposed to look like that 5. (optional) serve chilled 6. (optional) add 1-2 tsp of instant coffee to help stay alert at work

[helpwhatisfood]

over-easy eggs (with yolk intact)

materials 1. eggs 2. salt 3. cooking oil 4. vast quantities of luck

procedure 1. turn stove to medium 2. pour oil into small pan and wait until hot 3. crack egg and drop into pan 4. sprinkle with salt 5. let sit until nearly all the egg whites are opaque 6. lever spatula under yolk and lift 7. pick up pan and turn upside down 8. lift egg up into pan 9. turn right side up and cook for about 30 seconds

[helpwhatisfood]

tuna salad sandwiches

materials 1. tuna 2. bread 3. mayonnaise 4. salt 5. (optional) relish

procedure 1. drain tuna 2. combine tuna, mayonnaise, salt, relish (optional) 3. (optional) toast bread 4. put mixture on bread and eat it

[helpwhatisfood]

iced frappuccino

materials 1. cold water 2. instant coffee 3. hot chocolate mix 4. creamer 5. sugar

procedure while (coffee != palatable) {         add ingredients at random;         shake well;         taste it; }enjoy;

[helpwhatisfood]

lemon pepper fish

materials 1. frozen breaded fish things 2. lemon juice 3. pepper

procedure 1. put fish things in hot pan 2. cover liberally with lemon juice 3. cover cautiously with pepper 4. cook until browned 5. (optional) serve with white rice

[helpwhatisfood]

chicken panko

materials1. chicken boobs2. bread crumbs3. an egg

procedure 1. thaw chicken 2. scramble egg 3. cut chicken into normal-sized pieces 4. coat chicken in bread crumbs 5. coat chicken in egg 6. coat chicken in more bread crumbs 7. put chicken in hot pan 8. cook thoroughly or you will get salmonella and die

[helpwhatisfood]

tortilla wraps

materials1. flour or corn tortillas2. sliced or shredded turkey (chicken, ham, tofu) 3. sliced or shredded cheese

procedure1. lay out tortilla 2. arrange meat on tortilla3. arrange cheese on tortilla 4. roll into a wrap 5. (optional) microwave if desired