Here Are My Dragons!!!!

hey guys! lol i'm Dany T., 14, love dragons and horses and BOYS but sorry i cant have kids cause of a witch lol long story! anyway i always wanted a blog and I WILL TAKE WHAT IS MINE!

[herearemydragons]

Everything’s Coming Up Dany!!! Fire & Blood 4EvR!!!

So after I finished burning the city all my guys were standing by the castle waiting for me and I gave a speech. I would have gotten there sooner but I had to wait for my flag guy, Brian, to hang the Targaryen flag and he is always late, LOL! But once I got there I have to say it was pretty awesome and Drogon was behind me and OMG I looked like a BADASS!! I’m not usually a speech person because I get nervous but I did it in Valyrian, which helped because I knew not everyone understood me. I know Tyrion definitely didn’t because when it was over he threw his pin away, but you guys there was NOTHING ABOUT THROWING PINS in my speech. I have no idea what I thought I said, haha.

But basically I said I was going to conquer more cities and set more people free from not being on fire, which sounds good but honestly you guys it also sounds EXHAUSTING so I’m thinking lets sit down five minutes lol.

Since I wanted to sit anyway I thought it was time to finally take a look at this Iron Throne thingy—OMG, so disappointing. My lame brother talked about it all the time and he said it was 50 feet tall and played music and all the swords were made out of fire but you guys it’s just like a chair, haha, like you could probably go to Home Depot and make the same thing.

I told Jon when he came in but he was just like “blah blah blah, everyone’s dead” and I’m like, “LOL, I burn people all the time.” Like, we hooked up with him fully knowing my thing is burning people, haha, but suddenly it’s a big problem. But then I was like “I’m still down for sex stuff” and then he was all like “you’re my queen forever, let’s run away together, I love you” LOL and we made out a little.

After that I totally called in Drogon myself and you know how I’m always saying the Iron Throne is stupid and for losers and nobody would ever want it? Well I was like “Drogon, burn this symbol of evil” and he’s like “yaaaahhrahrh!” and Jon and I watched it burn because the throne is stupid and I never wanted it anyway and I can’t stand it when people say I wanted it’s just a big dumb chair, lol.

Then I was like “Let’s just go live life, man, let the wheelchair kid or whoever rule” LOL NOT ACTUALLY HIM, but you know what I mean, it’s like I’m soooo over the throne I wouldn’t even care if some wheelchair kid sat on the IRON THRONE THAT IS MY BIRTHRIGHT!!!!! Haha

So Jon and I both climbed into Drogon’s claw and remember when I started singing the Aladdin song and got embarrassed because I thought Jon wasn’t into it?? Well this time he started singing and I’m like, oh, yeah, if he’s doing it I’m definitely joining in.

And then Drogon took off and we flew over King’s Landing singing and everyone on the ground was all cheering, like “YAAAAAAY DANY!! WE LOVE OUR QUEEN!!!!” and we waved, and my cool brother was in Drogon’s other paw kinda doing that smiling and nodding thing where he’s like “I respect you” and he’s also Jon’s dad so that’s whatever, you know, but life isn’t about the destination. Also my first husband was there.

And then Jon was like “You were right about my sister, she’s so lame and you’re 15 times cooler!!! I want to do exactly what you said and find other kingdoms to set free!” and so we left this stupid Westeros behind, which you guys I never liked ANYWAY, and we’re off on a new adventure because it was never ABOUT Westeros, like, at all.

Dany for the win!!!

[herearemydragons]

I DID IT!!!!!

WOOOO!!! Guess what?? I CONQUERED WESTEROS!! After talking about it and planning and dreaming about it forever, it happened!!! So happy and so grateful to everybody who helped me on this journey, I could not have done this alone! Well LOL ok mainly I needed Drogon but I’m glad I had people support too, haha!

It actually could not have come at a better time because I don’t know if you guys know but I’ve been struggling a lot lately. Mostly sitting by myself, not getting out at all, just kinda living inside my head. Honestly I was thinking about giving up on Westeros completely because nobody here likes me. The bald guy even turned against me and I had to burn him, haha. And then Jon Snow wouldn’t make out with me and it’s like, “You’re rejecting me???” All I know is he was totes fine making out with me in Winterfell until I told him not to tell his conceited sister about me, which you guys I was totally right about, BTW, she told, like, everybody! Now it’s like I’m gross?

But then I started to think about how ever since I was a little girl I wanted to rule Westeros, and, like, are these things stopping me from ruling or am I letting them stop me from ruling? You know? Sitting alone in this castle isn’t going to make people like me, I gotta go for it!

And you guys, once I got over myself it went perfectly. That city was mine in like 5 minutes, haha, not even a fight. The Lannisters actually threw their swords down, lol! How are you guys supposed to fight without swords?! Then they rang the bells to surrender the city and it’s like, oh no you don’t, haha! I didn’t fly all this way not to burn things, and guys if you have a dragon people expect you to burn things, so I’m just like “Rarrrrrrrrgh” and I start going through the streets with Drogon breathing fire and buildings are just caving in (LOL once I’m queen that’s step one: better buildings!) And all my people on the street are like “That’s our Dany!” haha and I just felt like ME, you know, for the first time in forever. People were definitely awed by the dragon this time, LOL!

Point is, we’ve all got stuff we want to do, and we have these little voices in our heads that keep us from doing it. Your advisors and servants might mean well but in the end its YOUR LIFE. It’s about getting out of there. Nobody is going to conquer Westeros for you! (LOL but if your dream is conquering Westeros better think of something because you will get BURNED, haha.) All these years of TALKING about taking what was mine I should have actually been TAKING what was mine. I just wish Ser Jorah and Missandei and the other old guy who used to hang out with me could have lived to see it, but I’m sure they’re proud!

YAAAAAAY!!! 😊 😊 😊

[herearemydragons]

What If I Never Fit In?

You guys I srsly feel like I’m going to cry. Rhaegal is dead, Missandei is dead, and I’m really starting to think nobody in Westeros is ever going to like me ☹.  Like, I expect it in the north at this point, LOL, those people are terrible, especially Jon’s materialist sister. She’s all like “our armies should just focus on how they look and how much they weigh instead of going to fight” and these northern weirdos nod and stroke their beards like she’s so brilliant or whatevs. They’s so obsessed with their possessions it’s gross. Anyway, Jon was like “no we’re doing it Dany’s way!” which would be awesome but I also think he’s gonna tell his sister I’m his aunt which I bet she is super closed-minded about. These people already think I’m lame even with the dragons and all the cool stuff I do, now they’re all going to know I’m in love with my nephew too and do sex stuff with him and you guys, ugghhh!!

They had a big party to celebrate winning the battle and they all just get in their little cliques and talk and I’m just sitting there, like, hey, dragon lady also here, I’m fun! And sometimes I’ll go to tap them on the shoulder or something to get into the group and they’ll act like they didn’t even feel it. I even bought Starbucks for everybody but nobody took any except me and I had to throw it all away!! Finally I’m like, “I think I’m going to call it early,” and I was just going to say goodbye but nobody would even pay attention to me long enough for me to tell them I’m leaving, so finally I just got up and left and I don’t think a single person said “Where’s Dany?” or anything. Def makes me miss Ser Borah, LOL!

I just don’t get it. They don’t like it when I speak High Valyrian, they don’t like my dragons, they don’t like it when I burn people, they don’t like it when I talk about taking what is mine, and I’m trying to tell them “In Essos everybody does that stuff all the time!!”and in Essos I was so cool but here people look at me like I’m my lame brother and I’m SOOO MUCH COOLER.

And the North is one thing but then I started paying attention to how people are around me everywhere, and even like when I’m on a boat they’re all clustering in their own groups, probably saying, like “No boatswain, you!” under their breath or something. LOL, I don’t know what boat people talk about, I don’t talk to my underlings, haha. And now Tyrion and the bald guy are acting weird around me, too, probably saying “How did we ever think Dany was cool?”

Or like I went to see Queen Cersei to demand she die and you could tell they all thought I was super weird, especially when they killed Missandei, like, just because she KNEW it would bug me. At least she pays attention to me, LOL, no, jkjkjkjk, I know she’s bad. And some pirate weirdo killed Rhaegal, and it’s like, in Essos people just pointed at my dragons and were like “Wow! Dragons” all awed and stuff. THAT’S HOW YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO REACT TO GODDAMN DRAGONS!!!!! NOT SHOOT THEM!!! I mean I saw the boats following us for like six hours beforehand, but I just assumed they wanted to stare at the dragons and how majestic they were.

Back in Essos it was just so easy to be cool, you know? Now it’s like no matter what I do everybody either ignores me or hates me. I had all these friends and dragons and followers and a boyfriend who wasn’t my nephew and I lived on top of a giant pyramid in a city where it was always sunny and people fought each other for the right to stand at my side. Maybe we all only get one chance at that in life, then it’s off to some gross castle in the snow where everybody thinks you’re lame and you find out your boyfriend is named Smithson Targaryen or whatever and everybody dies, lol ☹

Fine. They’re not my real friends anyway. They can’t see how cool I am and how much fun I am to be around on their own? LOL, their loss!

I’ll make them see.

[herearemydragons]

WHERE ARE MY DRAGONS???

OK so not everybody saw this and I know people won’t believe me, but last night I straight up stabbed a guy and IT. WAS. BADASS. This was after I got confused by all the clouds and fell off Drogon because of zombies (LOL LONGGGG STORY, hahaha) and anyway so these zombies are everywhere and I’m like, “noooooo!” and then Ser Borah comes in like “Khaleesi, blah blah blah” and he starts killing them for me, but then I see a sword on the ground and I’m thinking…yeah. So I grab a sword and when I spin around there’s a zombie coming and it’s like “HELL. NO.” So I stabbed the guy and he’s like “rarrragh” and I’m like “arrrrgghghg” and I wish I could have seen myself because I’m sure it looked AWESOME!!! LOL.

Ser Borah killed some too but they also killed him, and I’m fine so maybe I should have been the knight? LOL no that’s so mean haha, I am sad he died. He’s been there like from day one, you know? He was kinda lame and creepy (he got me books for my wedding? LOL def haven’t gotten around to reading those yet) but even when he was spying on me and trying to have me murdered he had my back, which you guys I CANNOT say for most of the people who try to kill me, they don’t like me at all, lol. And, I mean, who do I trust now? The Lannister guy who’s always like “Let’s not use the dragons!”, my nephew/boyfriend, LOL, like that’s going to end well, or his sister the super-basic materialist? Hell. No. It’s just you and me, now, Dany, hahaha, lol, and I guess the dragons but I’m not sure where they are because of so much snow.

But, haha, it’s like I had a family when I was born, and they were all taken from me, and then I met Ser Jorah before I had dragons or armies or anything and he still thought of me as a queen, lol, and then I started to make a new family of my own, and I lost them, too. Now that Jorah’s gone, there’s no one left who knew who I was before all this. I wonder, when you lose the last person who shares your memories, how do you know the memories were ever real to begin with?  

Also YOU GUYS can we just stop with the blizzards? My dragons srsly cannot SEE and it gets super confusing!!! LOL K thx.

[herearemydragons]

Drama!

So I’m honestly a little less high on things than I was last time. The guy who killed my dad came back into my life and like, nobody but me wanted to kill him and you guys I know my dad was not the best but this guy stabbed him in the back, it was all my lame brother could talk about. Like, just ONCE I wish I could just kill somebody without all the drama. I did it all the time in Essos but here it’s nobody listen to Dany day 24/7. Fine, whatevs, not like I’m the RIGHTFUL QUEEN OF THE SEVEN KINGDOMS or anything!! OMFG!

I thought Jon’s lame sister was on my side but then she flipped because some knight-lady told her to so I wanted to sit down and talk to her but uggggh she’s such a materialist and so ignorant about everything. Like she doesn’t get that I’m the queen, she just cares about her castle and her kingdom and it’s like, that doesn’t matter, it’s just stuff. Stuff can be replaced! So I don’t think I’m gonna bother with her anymore, I tried because Jon is hot BUT ABOUT THAT…

I was feeling kinda thirsty, like I does, LOL!, so I went down to the family crypt to see if Jon wanted to hook up again before the battle (OMG I haven’t even started about the battle, so boring, lol!) but he started talking about his family and I’m thinking “you talking is not your best self.” But you guys it turns out he thinks my cool brother is his dad??? Which I totes get, Lol, my cool brother is awesome, I wish he was my dad instead of the crazy guy—BTW I still think we should killed the guy who killed him, but that’s another thing!

But if my brother is his dad, that means he’s my nephew, but you guys I DON’T THINK HE’S FIGURED THAT OUT. Like the whole time he’s talking about this—and I might have downplayed it but we have had sex A LOT, like it is prom night 5 times at day at Winterfell, haha!—but he’s telling me his real name is Dennis Targaryen or whatever, I wasn’t really listening because DUDE, NO! I am your AUNT!!! HOW CAN YOU NOT GET THIS??

And it’s like, should I say something?? Should we still hook up—lol no, jk, hahaha, but maybe? LOL JK!!! And maybe he HAS figured out but thinks I haven’t figured it out?? Am I supposed to bring it up?? Am I wrong? This does make me his aunt, right?

I txted him like “we need to talk about this” and he just texts back “battle,” so I don’t know what to do. I mean if he’s an heir to the Iron Throne obvs I have to kill him, and I guess we need to talk about that part too. (and it would be like these boring-ass north people to get hung up on whether I’m going to kill them or not. They are all SUPER CONCEITED and obsessed with staying alive.)

Ugh, I’m cold.

[herearemydragons]

Goin’ North!

Heeey, it’s your girl!

So I’m in the North now and I have to say I am not fitting it at all and it sucks! Everybody here is SO STUCK UP AND SHALLOW and you guys I am not that way at all. I just like my basic horse and basic dragons and burning my enemies but I met my boyfriend’s sister and she’s just like “blah blah, materialism, possessions,” you know, all worried about food and stuff and it’s just like, let dragons be dragons, you know? Ignorant people take themselves SOOO seriously and make things SOO complicated.

Anyway, being North means WINTER WARDROBE! I’ve had a snow sweater like forever that I never get to wear because I’ve been in the desert. It’s white and sparkly and looks GOOOD but of course nobody up here cares. I thought his weird wheelchair kid was into it because he just there staring at me but I talked to Jon and that’s just that guy’s thing apparently. Honestly meeting this dude’s family I’m kinda rethinking sleeping with him but not really LOL. I GET that he has a lame sister because I had a lame brother, ughh, bored even thinking about him, MOVING ON!

But if me and Jon get serious I’m not living here. OH! Also his best friend is all sobby because I burned his father and brother alive (not me my dragon, LOL, but nobody here gets the dif) but you guys I was TOTES open and honest with him and he still chose to be ignorant about it, so whatevs. So not interested in doing his emotional labor.

But things are still going HOT with the bf. I taught him how to ride Rhaegon and we had a race and I was going to do this thing where I started singing the Aladdin song, just like as a joke LOL so he knows I know movies, but then he started flying all over the place and couldn’t even hear me sing. And then I stated to worry the whole song was a bad idea, and does anyone even sing on a dragon? That’s NUTS. And then I start thinking, is this the first flowering of the madness that consumed my father? Is fighting against the curse that has haunted us down through the generations an exercise in hubristic futility that will devour me even as I struggle against it?

Then he landed and I don’t THINK he heard me singing because he didn’t say anything, and then we had sex in a cave and Drogon just kind of looks at us like “You guys got this!” LOL. And it’s like I could stop thinking about the northern haters and actually take time for myself for ONCE LOL.

I gotta forget about them and worry about all I’ve got: Giant army, hot boyfriend, dragons, only claim to the Iron Throne, and you guys I am FUN to be around, so all these frown-lords can just deal with me. Winter is gonna be Dany’s season whether you like it or not, LOL.

[herearemydragons]

New Boyfriend!!!

Well guys, it happened, LOL! I guess it’s true that if you’re stuck on a boat once with a hot guy then maybe you can go without hooking up, but if you decide to take a second boat ride, it’s happening. We were all on a boat going to Jon Snow’s castle to save the world from zombies because I guess that’s what I do now and one thing led to another, haha. I feel bad for Tyrion because I told both of them we could all hang out in my room and watch Netflix or something to pass the time, but Jon Snow got there way before Tyrion and he was like “This cape is too warm for this boat” and I’m like “Yeah,” and then before you know it we’re doing it, and not like, quietly, either, so if Tyrion did stop by the room he definitely heard it. Sorry, not sorry, lol.

It’s funny I was kinda mad at Jon Snow because we had this whole thing set up where I showed the usurper queen Cersei Lannister the zombie we captured and he KINDA screwed it up by pledging his undying loyalty to me, but people can’t help that. And you guys I met a TON of people I’d only heard about like the guy who killed my dad but I stayed cool. It’s hard to care about a guy who killed your dad like FOREVER ago when these other people are so weird anyway, like they have some kind of Frankenstein and their queen dresses like the guy in that movie with pins in his face, lol I don’t know what movie look it up, and then there’s a pirate guy there for absolutely no reason, so I just have to face it that westeros is kind of a C- kingdom AT BEST.

Anyway I was mad at Jon Snow (this was before we had sex, remember), and it’s like “Dude, I can’t have kids so I have to do this right,” and I told him about the witch that cursed me that time and, lol, he’s like, “Has it occurred to you that she might not have been a reliable source of information?” Hahaha, you guys, I know, I was dying too, but I’m queen of the universe or whatever so I can’t laugh in public, but I’m thinking ok, you’re in.

OMFG I hate witches so much.

[herearemydragons]

R.I.P. Viserion Targaryen

I hate to write this but you guys Viserion passed away this week in a battle with zombies :( !!!!!! A Led Zeppelin guy threw an ice spear at him! I keep looking up at the sky thinking I’m going to see him there soaring around and screeching with the other two, and then all I see is empty sky. I know he wasn’t as useful as the other two (that’s why I named him after my lame brother LOL!) but all of my children were special to me and I’m sure if he had lived he could have been useful killing some injured Lannisters or something, or if that was too hard he could have at least roasted our food, I don’t know. I’m sure if I had enough time I could have found something for him to do. But now he’s gone and I’ll never get the chance. At least he’s not suffering.

Jon Snow and I talked about it after on a boat and he just gets it, you know? Like at first I didn’t see it because he dresses so weird and I think he’s into those snobby bands that have like 100 fans on the internet, but I watched him kill a bunch of zombies (which it turns out do exist—I know, right?!) and I don’t know but once you watch a guy kill a bunch of zombies something just kinda happens, if you know what I mean, LOL.

I didn’t even want to go to fight the zombies but he sent me a raven that was like, “We are all going to die unless you come with your dragons. Please hurry!” And I took it to Tyrion and the eunuch and I’m like, “Do you think this means he wants to see me or the dragons?” And for the longest time we just did not know. Eunuch said he thought it was a good sign that he put “you” first instead of “dragons” but Tyrion thought if he really cared about seeing me he would have just said that and not said anything about the dragons. Ugh, why can guys not just say what they mean??? It would make life so much easier, haha.

So I thought about it for a few hours and I decided he’s basically saying he’s going to die if he doesn’t get to see me, so you guys I had to go. But Tyrion is still, like, “If you die who will rule?” because that’s what everybody loves to talk about, what’s going to happen when they die, LOL, and I’m just like “Obvs I’m not going to die I have dragons” and he’s like, LOL, I don’t even know because I was already flying away.

It takes like 45 minutes to fly across all of Westeros, no joke, so I’m bored to death by the time I get there and I’m thinking there’s not going to be zombies at all, best case I get there and they’re fighting a bunch of homeless guys or something but probably they’re just wandering around in circles in the snow, but no, turns out zombies are real!!!!

Anyway I don’t want to relive what happened but everyone survived but Viserion :(. Now I’m on a boat with Jon Snow and he has his shirt off, which he doesn’t have to do but I appreciate, and it looks like he got stabbed a lot, and we just really talk, you know? And he says all the usual stuff guys say about how I’m the only true queen blah blah blah, and I’m thinking, is there a classy way to say “I want to touch  your stab wounds”?, haha.

And then guys we hold hands, and it’s like we’re both saying we don’t need to say anything at all because we just feel, you know? He didn’t even try anything with me and I’m thinking, how on earth did I find a guy who is happy just to hold hands?  

I’ll probably keep him alive for now.

[herearemydragons]

Zombie Hunt?!? What? Wait, Seriously?

So Ser Jorah came back today and he wasn’t diseased or anything. I didn’t spend a lot of time asking about it, I guess he got some cream or something, but anyway I sent him with the Walking Dead guy to catch a zombie for some reason so it doesn’t matter I guess.

At this point I’m just like “Whatever” to all of this to be honest. I thought I just defeated the Lannisters after I burned a guy alive with his son (LOL, there wasn’t even anything left, like not even their armor, it was kinda sad, and I might’ve heard wrong but I thought one of the guy’s names was Dickon so honestly, you’re welcome, you weren’t going anywhere in life with that name), but then the moody guy’s like “Let’s catch a zombie” and EVERYONE at my giant map is like “Yeah, that guy’s right! Zombie!”

And I try to change the subject, like, “What if I move this big wooden dragon game piece over here? Does that do anything?” but you guys they NEVER let me use the giant map. It was bad before but once Ser Jorah was back he’s all, “Khaleesi, we don’t really need the map since we know where we are,” and I’m like “I’ve never lived here before, maybe the map is helping??!” But nobody cares since they’re all about this zombie thing now.

To be clear, like half of the guys advising me left to go to the other side of the world and catch a zombie. That’s like…you know, I don’t even know what it’s like, but it can’t be our top priority right now, right? Am I crazy? Next Tyrion and bald creepy guy are going to be like, “The only way we can win this war is if we capture a mermaid!” and I’ll move their piece on the map because someone has to and it DOES HELP learning geography, but I’m starting maybe just making whoever shows up wanting to advise you an advisor was a bad idea.

It sucks because you guys I kinda thought something might be going on between me and the zombie guy when he touched Drogon and Drogon was like, “Yeah.” And I’m thinking, “Yeah.” And it’s like, neither of us want to walk all the way back to the castle so maybe we could find something to do here, LOL, but then it’s like dude if you’re into zombies I just don’t know.

So now he’s gone and I moved the Stark piece on the map back to the north and maybe it’s for the best because if he dies it will be one less petty lord to stand between me and the Iron Throne which is my birthright.

[sheikah]

I put my trust in you, a stranger, because I knew it was the best chance for my people–for all our people. Now I’m asking you to trust in a stranger, ‘cause it’s our best chance. 

[herearemydragons]

Honestly this DID work on me but then I thought about it for five seconds and it’s like, wait, you’re still going zombie wrangling, and then I thought that’s pretty much men in general, pretty words to cover up a pointless zombie hunt, LOL.

[herearemydragons]

Burning Lannisters is Genuinely Empowering

You guys know how I ALWAYS talk about how cool it would be to burn Lannisters? But I put a Lannister on my council so of course he’s always like, “blah, blah, blah, NO KILLING.” Well I was hanging out in a cave with the Stark guy looking at weird drawings I think he made himself but not wanting to say anything because you guys they were really not good. Also, you know, kinda seeing if he was down to maybe do stuff but trying not to let him know I was, and then Tyrion tells me my whole plan is pretty much ruined, which, like, of course, right?

And all my advisors who aren’t dead were just, “Walk back to the castle, you’ve spent too much time on the beach” and I’m like, “The beach is the whole reason I came here and it’s not even a good beach!! There’s a cave sticking out of it!!”

Because, like, I have the dragons, I have an army, why not use the dragons? The thing is, I enjoy burning people. If that makes me bad that makes me bad, but you can’t go through life worrying what other people think.

So I rode Drogon over to where the Lannisters were. Honestly, riding the dragon that far got a little annoying because I don’t have special dragon riding gloves and your hands get itchy, but for the most part I think I’m pretty good at it, LOL. After that everything gets kind of hazy, but I think I burned a lot of people. Like, A LOT.

Another annoying thing is after a few breaths dragons get kind of a weird smell, but I can’t make a face like “Eww, Drogon” because I’m going to be the last thing these Lannister cowards see before they die so I have to look cool, but you guys my eyes are watering because of the smell and I guess because of the whole dragon gimmick people think, she’s immune to it. If anything it’s worse because I’m the one riding the dragon, and, like, all possible smells a dragon can give off for some reason kind of combine right where I’m sitting. I considered bringing nose plugs but then people think, you know, allergies, maybe she’s not the true queen.

Then somebody shot Drogon and I’m thinking, “oh, what smells is this going to unleash now,” but I try to help him because I’m not an asshole and some Lannister guy charges me with a spear, while I’m helping a sick dragon!!?

I cannot believe these people.

ANYWAY, I think that guy’s dead or underwater or whatever and I’m standing there thinking I don’t get why everyone says war is so bad, LOL. OBVS if you don’t have dragons it must suck, but that’s not my truth.

[herearemydragons]

Rethinking Conquest

Does anybody know if there are any secret houses in Westeros, like ones that don’t suck maybe? I guess I should have realized there was a problem when I told people which houses were on my side and nobody had heard of them. I thought the Greyjoys looked lame when they showed up but Tyrion was like, “No, these guys are awesome,” and I’m like “their logo is a squid” and the only thing I ever saw a squid do was wash up on a beach and die. But now I’m thinking an army of actual squids would have been better, and then when people saw me they’d be like, “Hey, it’s the girl with the squid army” and not “Hey, it’s that girl who hired a bunch of boats that couldn’t make it eight feet without getting killed by their own people!” I keep telling Missandei not to add that to my titles but she’s kinda a tool about that.

I also lost that Ellaria Sand person but you guys full disclosure I had no idea who she was. She showed up and said she wanted to help and I didn’t want to come across like a bitch so I was like “Oh, totally, love you,” and I think she bought it and thought I knew her but now she’s dead or in jail or something so it’s like, why did I waste all that time pretending to know you, ya know?

Anyway while my other allies were all figuring out who could drown in the shower first, this Stark guy shows up and says there’s an army of undead and I’m stupid for not fighting zombies, and at this point I’m basically thinking, “I wonder if I can get my temple back in Meereen?” LOL. And of course Varys picks the second the Walking Dead guy is there and I’m wrecking him by being such a badass to come in and tell me my squid army sank. It’s like a “Who’s Dany’s crappiest ally??” contest and everybody’s a winner.

Later I wanted to have a beach day to just kinda sit and chill and see if maybe there are other kingdoms I might be the heir to, but I could only make it like halfway on that damn causeway before I got too tired and gave up. The Stark guy came down like he was going to head to the beach, and I’m just like “Dude, not worth it.” Turns out this guy actually isn’t so bad, but I think he’s into LARPing because he wants to mine my island to make armor, but I had to explain that it’s not actually beach adjacent at all, so if he wants the armor he’ll have to walk back and forth from the beach to the castle and he was like “I thought this was beachfront,” and I’m like “I KNOW!!!”

[herearemydragons]

Limited Beach Access

Back in westeros and you guys I hate to say this but it’s kinda not that great. I KNOW I’ve been trying to get back forever so you’d think this would be a good thing but let me tell you about this place they have me staying. When I was growing up and everyone told me I was born on a castle on an island, I’m thinking, like, tropical. And maybe that’s my fault, but every time I used to ask my lame brother he always said there was a beach.

So I’m sailing for like six months with the eunuch guy and Tyrion and a bunch of other people I don’t even know, trying to act like I’m cool with being on a boat full of Munsters—I miss when it was just me and Ser Jorah and the dragons (when I didn’t lose them, LOL!) and maybe one or two other people I later killed. And what’s getting me through it is “Yeah, this sucks, but tropical beach castle coming up.”

Wrong, lol! So the castle is this big empty black thing—there’s some dragon statues, which are cool, but I have actual dragons so what do I do with statues? LOL! Anyway to even get to the beach from the castle you have to walk down like ten million stairs, so by the time you get there you’re already in a bad mood, and then it’s like “Time to go back!” The beach is narrow, you can’t build anything out of the sand, and there’s rocks everywhere.

I’m not sure why they even built the stairs to the beach—I mean I know why, so they can list it as “beachfront” but there’s nobody who’s checking this thing out and thinking, “This is exactly what I think of when I think beachfront, a bunch of steep stairs”—oh, and no foot washing station, so you’re gonna be walking up all billion stairs with gross sandy feet. And when I pointed it out to my council, which I’m starting to think is basically One Direction if there was never Harry or Zayn, Ellaria Sand tells me there were beaches in Meereen. What? There was a port in Meereen. Is a port a beach? Is that like even a little bit the same thing???

And these are like the best people in Westeros I guess? A woman named Sand who doesn’t know what a beach is? I’m going to start calling her Ellaria Granular, Rocky Sand With No Foot Washing Station, because apparently it’s all the same to her. Why don’t they just say Winterfell is beachfront, because if you walk 50 miles you’re in the water? Let’s bring my moron council there and we’ll have a bonfire because it’s sooooo convenient!  

Plus this castle is where I was born and I’m not sure but I think it might’ve been the place where my parents did it a lot when they were still young and into each other, so it’d be like if you moved into the apartment where your parents lived when they were first married and like all their gross sex stuff is still there. It’s a little different for me since my parents were brother and sister, but Varys says I need to try to relate to the common people so this is me doing that, even though I am the blood of old Valyria and am as far above the smallfolk as an eagle is above an ant.

[riddlvr]

I’m very sorry, Your Grace. Very sorry.

[herearemydragons]

This was me every time Ser Jorah tried to hit on me, LOL!!  Seriously though, this helps me out A LOT. 

[herearemydragons]

Breaking Up Suuuucks

Hey guys, so you probably heard I had to break up with New Daario which was suuuuper awkward and I didn’t want to have to do it myself but when you’re a queen you can’t just text, you have to do things face to face or else people will be like “maybe she doesn’t really mean that” and the next thing you know you’re burning rebels with dragons and it’s like ughhhhh again????  LOL!  But the weird thing is he took it kind of okay, which makes you think like maybe he was never so serious about this in the first place, which is totes fine because I wasn’t serious either but guys if you’re getting dumped maybe argue a little more than two minutes??  Anyway he’s going to get to keep hanging around Meereen since I put him in charge of organizing elections which sounds fun, right?  Hahaha!   Let’s face it, I’ve got a big enough army without whoever his guys are  in there too, eventually it gets to the point where if your armys too big it’s just confusing, like you say “Unsullied burn that village!” and then they bump into the greyjoys and those boring Sand Rabbits or whatever meanwhile you’re riding your dragon and it’s like “I can’t see anything from up here!!!”

Anyway gtg, that sneaky bald guy who teleports came back with a bunch of boats so that when we sail it looks more awesome, so I guess I’m going to be on another boat, ughhh!!!  I just made the Lannister guy my main politics guy which he was like wayyy too into, ugh, boys, but he’ll probably stand beside me on the boat too because that will look sweeeeet.  I’ll try not to think of New Daario at all which might be tough but probably not LOL, especially since when I broke up with him I felt absolutely nothing.  He was just another weight that needed to be removed from my neck to allow me to come into my kingdom.  I no longer feel anything but the desire to retake my birthright and punish my enemies.  

[herearemydragons]

House Targaryen complete Family Tree by poly-m

Love this picture of my family!!  It’s down to just me now but I’ll figure something out LOL!

[herearemydragons]

Guys I Am NOT a Villain!

Seeing a lotta crap out there right now that I’m suddenly a bad guy because I gave a speech which you guys is CRAZY.  Lots of people give speeches (I had to give one in school for debate team about whether it was okay to burn people who disagree with you.  Of course I was pro!).  If everyone who gave a speech was evil then I guess everybody is evil and that’s not a world I want to live in.  SEE! If I was evil I would love living in a world of evil people, but I don’t so I’m not.  

I mean have you guys seen what people in Westeros are like?  I haven’t LOL I’ve never been there except when I was a baby but I heard they SUCK.  Like, anyone with dragons would probably burn them if they could but when I say it out loud suddenly it’s like “oh no Dany be crazy!”  Everybody wanted Joffrey to die but when I say I’m going to slaughter the innocent people who suffered under him because anyone who does not submit to the Targaryens is a traitor to the Targaryens, I’m a bad guy.  It’s hypocrisy.  When my husband (My cool husband, not my lame pro-slavery husband...actually I guess they were both pro-slavery but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, LOL!! RIP Drogo <3) said he was going to murder everyone it was like “Cool! Let’s do this thing” but when I say it I’m evil.  Yeah, that’s fair.

Some people say ignorant things like “She’s just queen because her dad was king, she didn’t earn it.” And I’m sorry but that’s how kings and queens work if you don’t like it that’s not my fault.  If your dad was king you’d be in charge of a country too and I don’t think you’d be complaining!!  When your dad’s king you’re queen, and if people don’t want you to be queen it’s because they’re ignorant.  The good thing though is that if your dad was king you’re also fireproof so you can burn everyone else and be like “hahaha, you’re burning but I’m okay because of my good work ethic!”  That’s why I always bring a spare dress.