telestial behavior

not Mormon anymore but still mormon, yk? main blog: dumpster-hag

[many-sparrows]

Hey I just got off the phone with God he said the rage in your chest is actually blessed sometimes I hope this helps

[mormonforgetmenot]

if any of you lack whimsy let him ask of god

[theknightandhersteed]

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called "Linger Longer" 😳 you'll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don't feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude I swear I just saw something behind the chapel accordion

My buddy Josh pacing: The Relief Society is lying to us

[kirby-the-game]

okay what is this i keep hearing about *checks notes* …jello?

[heretical-hag]

Ok dear prophet, it's my time to shine.

I grew up in a very jello-ful Utah Mormon household. Jello counted as our fruit at dinner. There are countless ways to make it interesting that don't involve carrots or cabbage or any such nonsense - the most important thing is to never try to make it savory, only sweet. You can put cool whip on top or add fruit like bananas, raspberries, cherries, or strawberries for texture and flavor variety. If you add some soda (sprite, fresca, etc.) while making it, you can get fizzy jello. 10/10 - adds a little carbonation and some extra flavor, feels like eating alien gloop. Also, I know green jello is supposed to be the classic Utah go-to, but it's like the worst flavor. Raspberry and cherry are my personal favorites.

In my house, the real king of jello abominations is jello fluff. All you'll need is one family pack of orange jello, one family pack of vanilla instant pudding, a little tub of cool whip, a can of mandarin oranges, and a big-ass bowl. To make it, you just mix in the hot water and jello (according to the instructions), stick it in the fridge for 10-15 minutes, add the pudding mix, 10-15 more minutes in the fridge, fold in the cool whip and oranges, and then let it chill in the fridge for a couple more hours. The result is very sweet, similar to other Utah obsessions such as dirty sodas and giant cookies. And it's incredible. You can also make it with raspberries and raspberry jello, or any other fruit combination you prefer.

These are just my household traditions. Some people put marshmallows or nuts in their fluff (bad). Some people make jello cake. Some older folks still do the weird carrot stuff from the 50s. Overall though, I would say that jello is a dying tradition among Utah Mormons, which I find a little sad. Thank you for coming to my jello ted talk.

[nightvale1stward]

Night Vale First Ward

In case you missed it, the new names of the Young Women's groups are: Builders of Faith, Messengers of Hope, Gatherers of Light, Slayers of Doubt, Dancers of The Void, Bees of The Hive, Maidens of Mia, Champions of Laurels, and of course KEEPERS OF THE FORBIDDEN OATH

You should already know which group you are a part of, but if not, just ask the shadow wolf that appears in your dreams when the moon is full, or Sister Björnson, who also appears in your dreams when the moon is full. Either will do.

[nightvale1stward]

The new names for the young men's groups are: [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and as previously [REDACTED].

If you don't know which group you are in you can [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] and then, after reaching the save point, you need to [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]

[nerdygaymormon]

[pompeiusmagnus]

theyre letting me crawl out of the grave tomorrow

[pompeiusmagnus]

who is jesus

[heretical-hag]

it's that beautiful time of year where I experience general conference exclusively through tumblrstake and the shared docs <33 sending love from an exmo

[heretical-hag]

character: believes in god, has public speaking experience because their family was "really involved in their congregation," plays the violin but not very well, has a theme that sounds like Lord, I Would Follow Thee

me: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE

[luxangelae]

the rich young ruler discovers chatgpt

[theparadigmshifts]

evangelicals being like "god made men to do This and be like This and women to do That and be like That that's just how it is" and it's just a picture of a white man and woman following traditional gender norms makes me so insane like you boring fascist fucks. god made 2 million species of beetles. god made whales, ducks, humans, and 1500 other species capable of same sex behavior. god made fish and amphibians that change sexes. god made more than 30 different intersex variations in human beings. god, in his infinite curiosity. wake up!!! fuck!!

[theparadigmshifts]

"god wants women to have perfect no-makeup makeup looks and stay at home not talking back and upholding capitalism" god??? that guy who made lizards that shoot blood out of their eyes?? that guy who made salmon do whatever the fuck that is?? are you fucking crazy???

[creature-wizard]

Basically it doesn't matter what religion it is, some people in it are going to be really kind and compassionate, and some people are going to be the worst fuckos on the planet. You just gotta learn to expect that range no matter which religion you're thinking of.

[pahorans-letter]

Stake conference today. They scattered little Jesi throughout the building and encouraged everyone to find and take one, which is adorable in practice, but when combined with my penchant to carry plastic dinosaurs everywhere, well...

Jurassic World: New Testament

[pahorans-letter]

we are as the army of helaman...

[eve-ate-the-right-fruit]

Found this Tshirt at a thrift store a few years ago. I would wear it more often if I weren't afraid of washing it and making it peel more

[hiseyeisonthesparrow]

If I was an artist I'd make an oil painting of a girl in a temple locker room stall putting on her white temple dress with her Heavenly Mother standing behind her helping her zip it up

[hiseyeisonthesparrow]

concept art

[brothermouse]

Sparrow out here lying, saying they're not an artist then making art, smh. I'mma tell God you were fibbing.

[mormonmonastery]

“Why are graven images forbidden by the Torah?“ I once heard Abraham Joshua Heschel ask. Why is the Torah so concerned with idolatry? You might think that it is because God has no image, and any image of God is therefore a distortion. But Heschel read the commandment differently. “No,” he said, “it is precisely because God has an image that idols are forbidden. You are the image of God. But the only medium in which you can shape that image is that of your entire life. To take anything less than a full, living, breathing human being and try to create God’s image out of it - that diminishes the divine and is considered idolatry.” You can’t make God’s image; you can only be God’s image.”

— Rabbi Arthur Green (via yidquotes)

[hiseyeisonthesparrow]

ayyyy wuzzup 😜I'm boutta get ZONKED 🍃outta my mind 🤯 on this new strain they're calling "the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil" 🍑🍎🌳 I'll lyk what goes down 👇

[hiseyeisonthesparrow]

YALL MY DAD KICKED ME OUT OF HIS HOUSE 🏡😭😭😭

[nightvale1stward]

Night Vale First Ward

There is no Night Vale Second Ward.

There has never been a Night Vale Second Ward.

Report anyone insisting that there is a Night Vale Second Ward immediately

That said

We do share a building with them so there's no need to put away the chairs after Elders Quorum