Night Vale First Ward @nightvale1stward - Tumblr Blog

Night Vale First Ward

Visitors Welcome! ...to be surveilled and treated as threats.

#night vale first ward #lds #tumblrstake

Night Vale First Ward

Happy Pioneer Day! This is the day when we remember the brave pioneers who crossed the plains. They crossed mountains. They crossed the rivers. They crossed the US government. They crossed the vicious things in the thrall of the US government. They crossed them before and we will cross them again, if needs be.

We remember these crossings and double crossings, in case our enemies forget.

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #nightvale first ward #night vale ward bulletin #mormon memes #night vale first ward bulletin #pioneer day #mormon pioneers #pioneer

Night Vale First Ward

To whoever keeps praying that I have the strength to overcome my trials: please stop. I'm far too strong. I've broken six doorhandles and 17 plates just this week. Please, I can't afford to keep buying new shirts every time I accidentally flex. I was brushing earlier and discovered that my teeth have become like swords and my claws are now like spears. It's all very inconvenient.

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #nightvale first ward #night vale first ward bulletin

holywatermelan

I'm all made of hinges so everything bends. Badly. Sometimes painfully. Frequently with sound effects.

starmin-marmin

I haven’t been able to find the right kind of grease in Deseret Book in way too long, and Sister Hanson’s homemade stuff smells so. Bad.

#ward discussion #overhead at the linger longer #night vale first ward #nightvale first ward

Night Vale First Ward

It's pride month, you know what that means!

𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘𐐘

#the gays are among us #if you don't respect them Sister Björnson will hunt you for sport #night vale first ward #tumblrstake #night vale ward bulletin #nightvale first ward #sister björnson #night vale first ward bulletin

hiseyeisonthesparrow

My calling doesn't require I sacrifice a lot of time or energy but it DOES require I sacrifice a lot of blood. No idea why

nightvale1stward

It’s because the nursery leaders need your blood.

We pray your sacrifice will be enough to keep them at bay.

#night vale first ward #nightvale first ward

the-arch-hive

do they still give out free bricks in nauvoo?

the-arch-hive

imagining someone who goes by the brickyard multiple times a day (in disguise) to get free bricks until they have enough to build a house

nightvale1stward

Fun fact: this how we built our beautiful chapel, brick by ill begotten brick.

At least that’s what Brother Shyster, the ward historian told me, and he doesn’t usually lie to me

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #mormon memes #night vale ward bulletin #nightvale first ward #brother shyster #the ward historian

nightvale1stward

Night Vale First Ward

In case you missed it, the new names of the Young Women's groups are: Builders of Faith, Messengers of Hope, Gatherers of Light, Slayers of Doubt, Dancers of The Void, Bees of The Hive, Maidens of Mia, Champions of Laurels, and of course KEEPERS OF THE FORBIDDEN OATH

You should already know which group you are a part of, but if not, just ask the shadow wolf that appears in your dreams when the moon is full, or Sister Björnson, who also appears in your dreams when the moon is full. Either will do.

nightvale1stward

The new names for the young men's groups are: [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and as previously [REDACTED].

If you don't know which group you are in you can [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED] and then, after reaching the save point, you need to [REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED][REDACTED]

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #mormon memes #night vale ward bulletin #nightvale first ward #night vale first ward bulletin #Night Vale First Ward Young Men

Night Vale First Ward

In case you missed it, the new names of the Young Women's groups are: Builders of Faith, Messengers of Hope, Gatherers of Light, Slayers of Doubt, Dancers of The Void, Bees of The Hive, Maidens of Mia, Champions of Laurels, and of course KEEPERS OF THE FORBIDDEN OATH

You should already know which group you are a part of, but if not, just ask the shadow wolf that appears in your dreams when the moon is full, or Sister Björnson, who also appears in your dreams when the moon is full. Either will do.

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #mormon memes #night vale ward bulletin #nightvale first ward #night vale first ward bulletin #night Vale First Ward young women #Sister Björnson

Tumblrstake Collaborative Conference Doc baddies are trying to steal my job

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #general conference #mormon memes

Night Vale First Ward

This Easter remember: Someone was willing to die for you.

Someone defiled the permanence of death, upending the natural order for you.

Someone rose from the grave with the intent that you too will rise from your inevitable grave.

Someone is relentlessly pursuing your soul.

Surprise! That someone is Jesus! Happy Easter!

#side note: if you are being pursued by an undead entity that ISN'T Jesus please let the Elders Quotum President know #they have way of dealing with such things #night vale first ward #night vale ward bulletin #nightvale first ward

Night Vale First Ward

My favorite ward in the church is the Desert Bluffs 7th Wadrrgggggggggk-*vomits violently*

*coughing*

*gagging*

*vomiting blood*

A-april foolsss

*vomits again*

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #ugh #desert bluffs 7th ward #nightvale first ward #april fools

funeralpotatoesorbust

Desert Bluffs 7th Ward Announcement:

Don’t worry about it!!! Go enjoy the sunshine. There’s nothing to worry about.

We Know What You Did.

There’s free ice cream in the pavilion today!

#ugh #desert bluffs 7th Ward

ask-a-missionary

The daydawn is breaking? Well, shoot, guys. Who’s gonna repair it?

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #night vale ward bulletin #night vale first ward bulletin #nightvale first ward #nightvale first ward hymnal

mimormonfeminist

You know your cat's a mormon when you're singing if you could hie to kolob and she starts singing along with you.

nightvale1stward

Cats love to sit on the highest point possible

AND WHAT IS HIGHER THAN THE THRONE OF GOD?

#tumblrstake #nightvale first ward #night vale first ward #nightvale first ward hymnal

nowthatsjustdandy

Night Vale First Ward

Onward Christian soldiers! Onward Muslim soldiers! Onward Jewish soldiers! Onward Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster soldiers! Onward soldiers of all religions to fight in the Blood Space War. And may God, or Jesus, or YHWH, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or whatever other god, or gods, support you as you engage in this needless bloodshed for a cause you don't believe in. Night Vale First Ward thanks you for your brave sacrifice.

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #nightvale first ward

Night Vale First Ward

We would like to remind all ward members that with the new year we will be meeting at a different time so please be aware of the time change.

Time will change.

It will always change.

The world you knew as a child will die, bit by bit until you, aged and wrinkled, awaken to a world you don't recognize, don't understand, don't belong in.

The march of time is inevitable, unstoppable, and all you can do is be aware of it.

Also sacrament meeting is at 7am now, please don't hurt me I don't make these decisions, I just make the ward bulletin

#night vale first ward #tumblrstake #night vale ward bulletin #night vale first ward bulletin #nightvale first ward

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