"Hero" Sonic @herosonic - Tumblr Blog

ALL NEXT WEEK ON DINERS DRIVE-INS AND DIVES

nin-ninsuggestions

//Pats nin-nin// so will I! I am spiritually gonna adopt you as my son! You're too precious!

Good! Because all of Nin Nin’s daddies disappeared. Except maybe sensei. Sensei might be at the store

*finger guns* sup kid.

7mangoes

me when my man finishes on my face

woodmeat

Everyone report this blog as spam

@amazoniankitten @kingsuggestions I HAVEN'T LAUGHED LIKE A DYING DONKEY IN AGES OMFG

deltza

There’s your child-like smile again

cheyscribbles

hipster. ninja. trash.

opm-textposts-blog

deltza

So… I just found out about Villain!Saitama

#this is what happens when I miss the gym

Always reblogging

opm-textposts-blog

luxwry

you vs the guy she tells you not to worry about

one-pun-man

Sonic:That’d go against my moral compass.

Genos:Your “moral compass” is a fucking roulette wheel.

LOL STILL ALIVE FORGOT THIS ACCOUNT EXISTED SUCK IT BITCHES I mean...is anyone still alive out there?

IT'S TOO LATE FOR ME TO BE THIS HYPER AND ARGUMENTATIVE.

@villainsaitamasuggestions okay soooooo slight problem, you might be getting a very angry phonecall from a soccer mom called Jayne (wtf kinda name spelling is that?!) soon cause well…long story short she got all pissy and asked to speak to my manager so I gave her your number. That’s standard procedure in the villain association, right?

How the heck do you have my phone number? …Never mind, I’m not sure I want to know. I’ll pretend to be a car-repair salesman and out-irritate her with oil change advertisements. If she returns to you just punch her and hide the body somewhere that can’t be traced back to anyone in the Villain Association.

How about we don’t do that?

Yo he’s my boss I gotta do what he says *shrugs*

That still sounds like a terrible plan and I’m going to stop you…

oh leave ‘em alone, they’re just doing their business trying to be the best villains they can be:)

One of their names is literally “hero” sonic.

boss do we fucking look like we can read???

YES. IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM IF YOU COULDN’T READ

we’ve never been able to read and are 100% ok, what tf are you saying??

How do you run the empire without reading???? ??¿

text to speech???? duh????

Unbelievable

why don’t you shut up you cant even drive your own damn ship

And you can’t read or fire a gun correctly what’s your point?

ummm??? in what fucking universe cant we shoot??? that is a basic pirate skill???? someone needs to get their eye checked it seems

I didn’t say you couldn’t fire a gun, I said “correctly”, also you aim sucks dick :)

Our shooting accuracy is within average range! As of this decade its in the high average too we’ll have you know👌

And who cares about ‘correctly’ as long as it works theres no problem ur just mad because u can’t drive not even a little and are just grasping at strings to make fun of us

M'dear, please. If I had something to overcompensate for why would I start with your shooting accuracy? Which, by the way, are forged documents.

You can fool the machine with what scores it records but you still shot the targets off their racks and killed a subordinate, and failed to replace any of them so we wouldn’t notice.

*stands back and opens popcorn* OOOOOOOH SHIT

@villainsaitamasuggestions okay soooooo slight problem, you might be getting a very angry phonecall from a soccer mom called Jayne (wtf kinda name spelling is that?!) soon cause well…long story short she got all pissy and asked to speak to my manager so I gave her your number. That’s standard procedure in the villain association, right?

How the heck do you have my phone number? …Never mind, I’m not sure I want to know. I’ll pretend to be a car-repair salesman and out-irritate her with oil change advertisements. If she returns to you just punch her and hide the body somewhere that can’t be traced back to anyone in the Villain Association.

How about we don’t do that?

Yo he’s my boss I gotta do what he says *shrugs*

That still sounds like a terrible plan and I’m going to stop you…

oh leave ‘em alone, they’re just doing their business trying to be the best villains they can be:)

One of their names is literally “hero” sonic.

boss do we fucking look like we can read???

YES. IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM IF YOU COULDN’T READ

we’ve never been able to read and are 100% ok, what tf are you saying??

How do you run the empire without reading???? ??¿

text to speech???? duh????

Unbelievable

why don’t you shut up you cant even drive your own damn ship

And you can’t read or fire a gun correctly what’s your point?

ummm??? in what fucking universe cant we shoot??? that is a basic pirate skill???? someone needs to get their eye checked it seems

I didn’t say you couldn’t fire a gun, I said “correctly”, also you aim sucks dick :)

Our shooting accuracy is within average range! As of this decade its in the high average too we’ll have you know👌

And who cares about ‘correctly’ as long as it works theres no problem ur just mad because u can’t drive not even a little and are just grasping at strings to make fun of us

Can't you two just solve this with a competition? See how many ducks you can shoot from 200 meters at the kiddies park or something?

@villainsaitamasuggestions okay soooooo slight problem, you might be getting a very angry phonecall from a soccer mom called Jayne (wtf kinda name spelling is that?!) soon cause well…long story short she got all pissy and asked to speak to my manager so I gave her your number. That’s standard procedure in the villain association, right?

How the heck do you have my phone number? …Never mind, I’m not sure I want to know. I’ll pretend to be a car-repair salesman and out-irritate her with oil change advertisements. If she returns to you just punch her and hide the body somewhere that can’t be traced back to anyone in the Villain Association.

How about we don’t do that?

Yo he’s my boss I gotta do what he says *shrugs*

That still sounds like a terrible plan and I’m going to stop you…

oh leave ‘em alone, they’re just doing their business trying to be the best villains they can be:)

The point of a hero is to stop that.

Oh no. I guess as a hero I will just have to stop myself. Oh, look, there we go. You can go home now Saitama, no hero paycheck for you today.

You probably won’t stop yourself, but whatever.

And like I get “hero paychecks” at all? The association doesn’t give much and I’m pretty sure 80% of the population hates me.

Yeaaaah the HA stopped with decent paychecks a while back…maybe the heroes should go on strike?! Form a union?

80% is probably a bit high, it’s really just the people who know you. Ahaaaa nah I’m kidding it’s mostly people who scream at strangers on the Internet all day and collect fedoras

And every single citizen who recognises me…

Look, I honestly think it's the garish hideous clothes. People subconsciously get angered by bright contrasting tones ya know, wear something dark and fashionable and see what I mean. And also it helps if you develop a resting bitch face. Your angry face is pretty unsettling so they'll think twice before irritating you; after all, Kings whole career is basically a lie revolving around your work and his resting bitch face and people are terrified of him!

@villainsaitamasuggestions okay soooooo slight problem, you might be getting a very angry phonecall from a soccer mom called Jayne (wtf kinda name spelling is that?!) soon cause well…long story short she got all pissy and asked to speak to my manager so I gave her your number. That’s standard procedure in the villain association, right?

How the heck do you have my phone number? …Never mind, I’m not sure I want to know. I’ll pretend to be a car-repair salesman and out-irritate her with oil change advertisements. If she returns to you just punch her and hide the body somewhere that can’t be traced back to anyone in the Villain Association.

How about we don’t do that?

Yo he’s my boss I gotta do what he says *shrugs*

That still sounds like a terrible plan and I’m going to stop you…

oh leave ‘em alone, they’re just doing their business trying to be the best villains they can be:)

One of their names is literally “hero” sonic.

boss do we fucking look like we can read???

YES. IT WOULD BE A PROBLEM IF YOU COULDN’T READ

we’ve never been able to read and are 100% ok, what tf are you saying??

How do you run the empire without reading???? ??¿

text to speech???? duh????

Unbelievable

why don’t you shut up you cant even drive your own damn ship

And you can’t read or fire a gun correctly what’s your point?

ummm??? in what fucking universe cant we shoot??? that is a basic pirate skill???? someone needs to get their eye checked it seems

OK first of all, why the fuck y'all even butting into a private conversation?!! Rude as hell. Second of all, I really didn’t mean to cause a rift between the Purple Parma Violet…I mean “pirate” and his Second in Command. Also @saitamasuggestions literally the only way you’re gonna achieve that is to follow me around 24 hours a day seven days a week, and I think both your husband and your lawyer are gonna have a problem with that. Speaking of which, YOU are neither my mother nor my lawyer, so how about you stick to punching the brains outta big shit and butt out yeah? And lastly @melzalgaldsuggestions bro, have I ever mentioned that I need to buy you a drink?

dont worry about rifts or whatever, Boros is just mad because he can’t drive and that’s really embarrassing. we are not sure what we said to warrant free drinks but bet ur ass we wont turn down the offer:D

Well, this got crowded real fast.

UPDATE: That angry lady did, in fact, call me, so I did my best imitation of a recorded voice and told her to please hold while I redirected her to a sales manager. Then I played elevator music for 15 minutes in the hopes of getting her to hang up, but she was still there, muttering curses through the line. I then picked up the phone again and proceeded to give a fiery speech about the necessity of worshipping Pig God in her life and to make daily sacrifices to him in order to attain enlightenment. Taking advantage of her shocked silence, I then proceeded to tell her that the Pig Cult was not taking any more assassination requests at the time but would gladly welcome any donations of firstborn children mailed to our PO box in Z City. I hung up after that.

#she will probably sacrifice her husband to pig God

Hmph interesting methodology. Given the average intelligence of the citizens around here you should probably expect to wake up one morning to a small child stood by your mailbox someday soon though... She's probably saved your number under Pig Priest or something.

@villainsaitamasuggestions okay soooooo slight problem, you might be getting a very angry phonecall from a soccer mom called Jayne (wtf kinda name spelling is that?!) soon cause well…long story short she got all pissy and asked to speak to my manager so I gave her your number. That’s standard procedure in the villain association, right?

How the heck do you have my phone number? …Never mind, I’m not sure I want to know. I’ll pretend to be a car-repair salesman and out-irritate her with oil change advertisements. If she returns to you just punch her and hide the body somewhere that can’t be traced back to anyone in the Villain Association.

How about we don’t do that?

Yo he’s my boss I gotta do what he says *shrugs*

That still sounds like a terrible plan and I’m going to stop you…

oh leave ‘em alone, they’re just doing their business trying to be the best villains they can be:)

The point of a hero is to stop that.

Oh no. I guess as a hero I will just have to stop myself. Oh, look, there we go. You can go home now Saitama, no hero paycheck for you today.

You probably won’t stop yourself, but whatever.

And like I get “hero paychecks” at all? The association doesn’t give much and I’m pretty sure 80% of the population hates me.