Here is where a small group of friends review OC'S and fanfics. You can submit your own OC's/fanfics for us to review, or you can submit OC's or fanfics that you think need to be improved or more researched on.
((Your blog is adorable!)) I read the France rant and I'd like to throw in my two cents. One of my close friends was raped and it enrages me to read people thinking its alright! Its dragging out /whole/ fandom down. I have considered leaving it.
((Thank you so much!)) Yes, that's right. It's already making the fandom seem weird. But if you're leaving the fandom, that's alright. Nobody can stop you. I was also thinking of leaving it after someone literally made the joke in one of my France RP accounts uvu
Hello! Mod Ishi here. None of the others are here, so I'll be doing this review by myself. Out next post will have all the admins with us, I promise that. Anyways, let's start with the review!
~Review under the cut~
Name: Greenland
Mah oc
Is that all you could say about it? How about a bio, or about her? Her relations, her family? Well, that could really work. And yes, we obviously know it's your OC. You don't have to point it out. Did Himaruya show a drawing of France and go "this is my oc"? No. You should say something about her, rather than that.
Hates/fears:
-mansions
-japan
-Tony
-drunk england
-boredom
Is there a reason for mansions? Nothing? Okay. How about Japan? Why do you fear/hate Japan? Did he do anything to your OC? You have to state reasons on why you hate or fear the ones stated in your dislikes. Did your OC even see Drunk England? How? Of course, everyone hates boredom so you really don't have to add that in your dislikes.
Nothing about the Nordics? Well. . . Also, what do you mean by unknown stuff? I really can't say anything about it except for "Explain why you like these people because I clearly can't understand why they're in there." I am happy that someone finally likes France. But I can't see why.
That's literally everything in the description. Let's move on to the pictu--
oh my god
WHY DOES SHE HAVE CAT EARS/A CAT HAT??
Also, scarves don't do that. They don't become a boa and then suddenly a scarf. You do know that the people in greenland have black hair, right? Nobody there's blonde. At all. Unless you're a tourist who is blonde (?).
Also, in another of the deviations, it turns out the maker also dislikes Japan. Self insert, much?
On to the final review. . .
I didn't like this OC one bit. The art style is good, but how the oc looks? Awful. The OC description seemed very, very, incomplete, and maybe it was a self-insert too. I really couldn't say anything about it other than, add the freaking history and the description, aside from the likes and dislikes. I don't even think the OC creator researched about the country itself. Maybe she's one of the people who gets a country that's not personified, and then makes a self insert just to be excused or something. Don't do that, please. Please do your research.
Hello everybody~! Mod Ishi here. Reprech isn't available at the moment, but Edelweiss and I are here! This may be quite a long review, so the review shall be under the cut. Get ready for loads of ranting and MarySues! Also, I apologize in advance if I offend anyone-- I'm sorry--
Nation: The Rpublic of Sicily
Human name: Moki Vargas
Ishi: Well, there seems to be a problem here. Can you spot it? Ah, if you can't, that's alright. The problem is the choice of name. Moki does not sound Italian at all! It sounds more Japanese.
Edelweiss: Isn't Sicily an island part of Italy? And isn't it officially referred to as the Sicilian Region? So why would it be called the Republic of Sicily if it's not an independent nation? Actually, it's not even a nation at all, not even a micronation. And republic is a type of government, but Sicily shares a government with Italy, so this is clearly wrong. Also, Moki doesn't sound like an Italian name.
Age: 16 but look 12
Height: 5'0 (lol shes short xD)
Ishi: How does a 16 year old girl look 12?! How would that make sense at all? Well, at least she got the height right. What's the use for the comment anyway? It's not nice to make fun of someone's height, alright? Don't do that at all.
Hair: Brown ranges from straight to wavy with heart shape curl
Eyes: Right eye is green. left eye is red
Ishi: Wait. . . WHAT?! Heart shaped curl? No. NO. NO! None of the Italians have a curl shaped like a heart! Take a look at this picture of the Italian brothers, including Seborga.
See how their curls are round? Seborga's curl is a bit pointier, but it still tries to form a circle. ((Am I right omg--)) Let's talk about the eye color next. How many Italians do you know have heterochromia? It's not even common in Sicily at all!
Edelweiss: This clearly screams Mary Sue. A heart shaped curl? Seriously? As Ishi said, none of the Italy Brothers acutally have different shaped curls besides circles, and in fact, none of the other nations with ahoges have their ahoges shaped into specific shapes. They're usually just curls. And heterochromia is very common in Mary Sue OC's, but is actually very rare in real life, and not just for Italians, but roughly the rest of the world.
Nicknames from freinds:
America- Shorty
England- Emerald
Italy- My Belle
Germany- Liebchen (german for darling)
France- Ma' cherry
China- Kitty
Russia- Cuttie
Japan- Neko (she is cat like)
Ishi: Holy. Roman. Empire. Now that's just a bit offensive, isn't it? Not only did you make the main 8 like you, you also spelled some of the words wrong! It's not Cherry, it's "Cheri". Belle isn't Italian, it's French! Bella is the correct word. But I can really see America teasing her. But seriously! You even spelled "Cutie" wrong!!
Edelweiss: Is she REALLY loved or something?? Why are all of the G8 suddenly giving her nicknames? Well, America would probably tease her, but why are the other nations just giving her NICE nicknames like that??
Random thign: She can grow cat ears because of the large cat population in Sicily.
Ishi: Because your OC definitely needs to have cat ears because of the cat population in Sicily. Okay, so Greece needs to have this ability since he LOVES cats! Japan should have this ability because he loves cats, that's what you're saying? Ugh, make it stop please.
Edelweiss: Are you serious?? Have you actually seen the CANON countries being able to do things like that? Can China grow panda ears? Can Russia magically make vodka appear in his hand or Italy magically make a plate of pasta appear? Are you actually even thinking correctly!??
Friends: America, England, Italy, Germany, China, Russia, Japan, the Balticks, the nordics, Hungry, Spain, Austria, Prussia and Canada (who?)
Ishi: WHY ARE YOU STILL DOING THE INVISIBLE CANADA JOKE IF HE'S YOUR FRIEND?! You even spelled Hungary and Baltics wrong! Oh God. Why isn't France there?! I thought he was your friend, since he was mentioned in the "Nicknames from freinds"
Edelweiss: I DON'T EVEN HAVE WORDS FOR THIS. THIS IS JUST TOO INFURIATING. WE GET IT, YOU'RE LOVED BY ALL, EVEN YOUR ENEMY. GOOD JOB, SICILY, GOOD JOB.
Enemies: Belarus, Seycheles, Cuba, France an Rome
Ishi: Now you're just being stupid, OC creator. Why is Rome your enemy if both of you are Italian anyways? Tsk tsk tsk. And I've noticed she hates Seychelles AND France too! Wow, how original. Good going.
Edelweiss: Oh yeah, your enemy's ROME. Your very own GRANDFATHER. I'm so proud of you. And look! Seychelles and France are your enemies too (even though France, a FRIEND, gives you a nickname)! How cute!! (( I might possibly collapse after typing this. ))
Family: Germany (dad), Italy (mom) Romano (brother), Hungry (sister)
Ishi: Are you implying Germany and Italy gave birth to your OC? Are you saying that your OC is nothing but the child of an M-Preg ship that may not even be canon anyways? WHY IS HUNGARY YOUR SISTER IF ITALY IS NOT RELATED TO HER AT ALL?
Edelweiss: Are you saying that your OC is a lovechild of a yaoi pairing that hasn't even been confirmed as canon? Oh my goodness, what have you done. And if Italy was ACTUALLY your mother, shouldn't that make Romano your uncle instead of your brother? And how are you related to Hungary? She's not even related to Italy or Germany. Please try to at least research!
Ishi: Now it seems as if your OC is nothing but a crazed yaoi fangirl. It seems like a Self-Insert OC. Readers, never do that at all. AT ALL. That is one of the rules in making an OC for a fandom.
Edelweiss: It seems as if though you've based your OC on yourself, because that's what you seem to be, given how you have made your OC. If you're gonna make fandom OC's don't make them Self-Inserts. They'll just turn out as Mary Sues.
Dislikes: Anti-yaoi girls, girly-girls, sluts, France being a pedo, Rome being obnoxious, Belarus being a bully, Seycheles very exsistance, when Germany and Italy are being over-protective, Americans, anyone who hurts her family or friends.
Ishi: Wow, that's mean! Hating on Girly-girls. People like what they want, you can't force them to do what you want to do. Rome is NOT obnoxious, and France is NOT a pedo! Belarus was never a bully in the first place, and Seychelles did nothing wrong to offend your OC at all!
Edelweiss: Anti-yaoi girls may have their legit reasons, so you have no right to hate them. Same goes for girly-girls (in fact, your OC looks like a girly-girl herself, just by looking at the picture). And sl**s? How would you describe one? That's just mean, no one deserves to be called a s**t. France is NOT pedo, Rome is NOT obnoxious (how is he even obnoxious??), Belarus is not a bully! What did she even do to earn this label of bully?? All she did was admire her brother. She wasn't mean to him, she didn't do anything to hurt him or anyone else! She just appears intimidating to the other countries, that's all. And seriously, SEYCHELLES' VERY EXISTANCE?? What did Seychelles do?? She did nothing!
Now, the picture.
*drumrolls*
Ishi: This does not look like a twelve year old at all. Is that supposed to be her eye over there? Because I haven't heard of any person who has their eye over their bangs. At all. Plus, I haven't even seen any italian wear an outfit that "Sicily" is wearing! I want to curl up into a ball and cry now. Ugh, anyways, to the final review, folks!
Edelweiss: She doesn't look like she's twelve, certainly not with her huge breasts and curvy figure. What's that thing over her bangs? Her eye? Seriously, have you seen any person with their eye magically popping up over their bangs? I sure haven't. And her clothes?? SERIOUSLY? Have you done any research? Most of the nations wear either war uniforms or their national costumes, but THIS outfit doesn't look very Italian at all.
Final Review
Ishi: I didn't even like the OC at all. It was just like reading a stupid perfectionist who has no flaws at all. The character didn't seem realistic at all! She was just treated nicely over, and over. It's not even historically accurate. In fact, the OC doesn't even like her own grandfather! The drawing was horrible also. While the base is very pretty and well drawn, the edits made to it were super stupid and mary-sue ish. The description of her looks don't even match her picture at all! I don't even think this is a troll OC!
My rating: ☆☆☆☆☆= 0/5
Edelweiss: The OC is clearly a Mary Sue, and it was poorly written and made. It isn't realistic, nor is it historically or culturally accurate. The person who made it probably didn't do their research. AT ALL. If she wants to take it seriously she should ACTUALLY make an effort to research, and not just slap on some notes and descriptions and call it an OC. Research is VERY important, readers.
Mod Ishi here! I know this has been covered a lot already, but I'd really like to show my rant ovo
Rant under the cut.
TW for rape mentions.
I remember one time, I ran across a little question over in the Hetalia Answers website.
"What episode did france try to rape england?"
There was an answer already there. The answer was short, but it answered the question directly. I thought it wasn't that clear enough, so I highlighted everything, and pressed delete. I then started changing the whole answer, and I included all the episodes where people thought France "raped" England, such as the Olympic episode. I was already raging inside, and I was ready to tear out all my hair. I know you may call me immature, childish, and stupid, but I really don't care. Rape is not funny at all, it is not a joke.
I am a very huge fan of France, the country and the Hetalia character. I was very upset when I saw the question. The character was sweet, and funny as well. Just because he's perverted does not automatically mean he is a rapist. His habit of stripping can also symbolize his love for the human body. After all, he IS the country of love and beauty. He is not the country of rape.
The demotivational posters with France that I see hanging around mindlessly on deviantART are usually from the same episodes, and he always has the same face, which is him with the white exaggerated eyes and a purple aura around him.
The comments on the motivational posters? All the same.
"Run away, France is going to rape you!! XDDD"
"POOR IGGY!!"
"yes france's rape face is much,much scarier than pedobear *thinks poor england*"
Okay, let me explain the episodes where he did his "rape face"
Episode 12, France "marries" England: France's leader forced France to "marry" England. France tells England that his house is going through rough times due to the "Suez Canal" and his boss told him that if the two of them didn't merge, he might die. France is just trying to help his country, and he's doing this to survive. France didn't like this, so did England as they are rivals.
Episode 35, or the Olympic Episode: This is where France tries to revive the Olympics. In one scene, England sees France naked. France goes up to him and tries to take off the clothes of England. The reason why France is naked is because during the original Olympics, people who played were naked, in order to prevent bad things from happening. No, France did not want to have sex with England. He wanted to revive the spirit of the Olympics.
Oh look, stats on how many people get raped in each country:
Link One Link Two
These two statistics do NOT have France in it. The rape rates are very low.
"France often seems infatuated with most of the nations and is known to make blatant sexual comments at every opportunity and is very affectionate, often shown streaking or touching other nations inappropriately. However, he believes love is not something to be forced on others and, if given a firm no, will usually avoid touching or stripping, and he will stop if what he’s doing isn’t enjoyed."
-Hetalia Kitawiki
See?
He will stop touching, or stripping if someone does not approve of what he's doing. He cares about others. That's also expressing love, right?
That's probably it for now. Until next time.
-Mod Ishi-
"Love is something that you shouldn't force on others."
So you want to make an OC?: A Masterpost of Ways to Create, Develop, and Make Good OCs!
i made this masterpost in hopes that it helps you in making your own OCs ah;; it can also apply to developing RP characters i suppose! if you’d like to add more resources then go for it sugar pea (´ヮ`)!
How to Write Better OCs:
basic tips on how to make your oc even better
tragic backstory? learn how to write one/make yours great
writing specific characters
a wordier, great guide on how to develop your character
kick out those vague descriptions and make them AWESOME
Character Development:
how to actually make an OC
Q&A (to develop characters)
more Q&As
giving your character a backstory
how to write an attractive character
Diversity
adding more racial diversity
avoiding tokenism, AKA, how to add diversity to your cast not just because you “need” it
writing sexuality and gender expression (doesnt include non binary, if you have a good ref to that, please add on!)
masterpost on writing more diversity into your story
cultures of the world
guides to drawing different ethnicities (not just a great art reference, but also really helpful in appearance descriptions!)
Mary Sue/Gary Stu
Test to see if your character is a Sue
Explains subdivisions of Sues/Stus
Powerful Characters Don’t Have to Be Sues
Villains
villain generator
need an evil sounding name for your evil character? bam
villain archetypes
what’s your villain’s motive for being a villain?
Relationships
character perceptions (What your character thinks of themselves and what others think of them)
how to write strong relationships between two characters
8 ways to write better characters and develop their relationships with others
OCxLove Interest Handbook
develop your couple with good ol’ Q&A!
how to write realistic relationships
how to write relatives for your characters (this is more OC related to a canon character, but will help in writing family members in general)
ARCHETYPES
12 common archetypes
8 archetypes for male/female characters
female archetypes (goes pretty indepth from two main categories)
a list of archetypes
NAMES
how to name your character
random name generator
most common surnames
surnames by ethnicity
APPEARANCE
tips for better design
basic appearance generator
pinterest board for character design (includes NSFW and images of skeletons/exposed muscle (?) so tread carefully!)
clothing ref masterpost
DETAILS
give your character better powers
a list of professions
proactive vs reactive characters
positive and negative traits
interest generator
skills generator
motivation generator
123 ideas for character flaws
list of phobias
again, this is to help inspire you or help establish your OCs! i hope you get a lot of info and help from this ahh ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ
Ishi: Hello everyone! Ishi here. We've come across a fanfiction lately. It's a reader insert obviously, let's go check it out (we'll review it from each paragraph, one by one). The review is under the cut.
One day, In Vienna, Austria you went straightly to Austria’s house and you knocked 3 times and a handsome man named Austria said Uh guten tag…uhh .Welcome to my house” Then you said “Thank you” then you went in his house.
Edelwiess: I can see a lot of grammatical errors already.
Ishi: Wow. Austria isn't surprised. Why does he sound so unsure about his words? Does he even know reader at all? There's no explanation, other than how handsome Austria is. Why did reader even go to Austria anyways? As said earlier, there is no given explanation. I'm crying icanteven
Edelweiss: Ah, you know, the reader could get confused at the "you went straightly to Austria's house" because first of all; how would the reader know where Austria's house is already? It hasn't been stated that the reader knows Austria in the beginning.
Edelweiss: Also, the straight part. The reader could be gay and interpret that part in another way, like they might think the narrator describes the reader as straight so they might get offended. I think the author should rephrase that part.
Reprech: I don't get her response. She says thank you and then she goes inside? What? The reader doesn't even know Austria! If they did, it would have been stated in the beginning right? The author's way of writing is very vague.
~*~
It looked very organized and neat. He offered you some Jasmine Tea then then you said Sure! Then after a second he smiled gracefully. He showed you his music room and he asked you if you want him to play Ode To Joy for you and you said Sure! And he played it.
Ishi: Jasmine tea. As far as I know, Jasmine tea is NOT Austrian, and is in fact, Chinese. I noticed as well, that the quotation marks disappeared all of a sudden, making the fanfic more and more confusing. What's with all the "then"s as well?! If you keep using the word over, and over, and over again, the reader will suddenly get very annoyed. Also, how does one smile gracefully? Like this?
I am so not sorry. That's not even how you smile gracefully. Mod ishi apologizes. Why would you still add, "he asked you if you wanted him to play for you"? Why not do something like,
"Excuse me, _____. Would you like me to play a song for you?"
Instead?
~*~
After he teached you how to play the violin, harmonica and orchestra you said um no no I am fine you might get extra tired. He said oh uh thank you for worrying. After he offered you to go out to the garden and look at the sunset with him. You said ok thank you! Then you both went to the garden It was not dirty and horrible.You went to the swing with him….. After a while you saw two lovebirds flying above the sun. While he also saw that he held your hand not too tight and not too light he
Asked you if you like him and you said Of Course! After then you blushed and he said anything wrong? You said oh uh nothing wrong...
Ishi: Austria seems to be a bit OOC here. He isn't the type to suddenly teach someone how to play an instrument without asking. That's a bit too rude, isn't it? There's actually more to the Austrian than just music. He likes art, is camera shy, and he's posh. Just because he's seen most of the time with a piano doesn't mean that he focuses on a piano nearly half of the day! By the way, an orchestra consists of a lot of people. Not just one person.
Why did he offer the reader to go outside? He's an indoor person, anyways. Why does he have a swing, by the way? I mean, he's like, a well matured man already, isn't he?
Also. .
"two lovebirds flying above the sun."
Above the sun.
If I'm not mistaken, if you're above the sun, that means you're out of the planet and in space.
WHY IS HE SUDDENLY ASKING THE READER IF SHE LIKES HIM?!
Reprech: How the hell did you learn the violin and harmonica so fast? I can't really understand the turn of events with you not putting those quotation marks and stuff ... I am not so sure if Austria's the one who will ask you if you like him or not and hold your hand right away!
Edelweiss: The sequence of events isn't logically correct, and everything's going by so fast, I'm very confused. Also, Austria's very out of character. The writer should improve and focus on those details. (Sorry for not speaking too much here. I had too much to say and it would be too long. ehehehe.)
~*~
And Austria opened his palm reaching the sky and a monarch butterfly went on his palm And in your mind you said Wow! Its as if I am the butterfly and he is his heart! You both went inside still holding hands both He asked you if you would like to dance with him in the dance floor. You went to the bathroom to change to a rainbow puffy ballgown. While he also
Changed to a handsome tuxedo. You both went to the dance floor. And asked if you would like to dance with him and you said Yes of course. And you both were the cutest couple in the dance floor…
Edelweiss: There are no monarch butterflies in Austria. They're only found in North America and some parts of Europe, but none have been found in Austria. I also don't get the sentence; "Wow! Its as if I am the butterfly and he is his heart!" What? So the reader's the butterfly on his open palm (probably terrified to death), and Austria is his own heart? Wow. I just don't know what to say.
Reprech: First of all, "Wow! its as if I am the butterfly and he is his heart!" ..... So um, what were you saying? Also, I didn't know there was a goddamn dance that night, I mean she should have mentioned it in the beginning though. Since when did Austria have a ballgown in his bathroom/cabinet? Seriously. Lastly, I also didn't know that Austria has a dance floor/ballroom in his house. It wasn't even stated anywhere in the story.
Ishi: Why is Austria communicating with nature all of a sudden? He's not an outdoor person, yet he still starts letting a butterfly (That actually doesn't usually live in this country) come to him! The expression used with the heart and the butterfly doesn't even make sense? So you just went to him and deeply connected with him after you guys met for the first time? What happened to the butterfly before the both of you went inside? WHERE WERE YOU GUYS? Were you in his house? Another building? Why didn't you point out that there was a dance in the first place? That way, your readers would actually get it. Where did you keep the dress? In your pocket? In your bag? You have to explain further, because it's already making no sense. WHERE DID AUSTRIA CHANGE INTO HIS TUXEDO? Did he change infront of everybody? Did he change infront of you? He also asked you if you wanted to dance with him twice. Twice. And how were you guys suddenly a couple if you aren't dating? I'm so confused!
~*~
Final comments/thoughts:
Edelweiss: The author should focus on arranging the sequence of events and should pay attention to the details, and also the grammar, capitalisation, and punctuation. They should also have a well written storyline first before actually starting the story. They should also keep the canon characters in character or the reader might feel confused and awkward while reading it, so they should keep that in mind too.
My rating: ★☆☆☆☆
Ishi: I'll give this reader insert one out of 5 (★☆☆☆☆). Why? Because the setting changes all of a sudden, one of the characters are OOC, the quotation marks disappeared, and there is a tendency to see a "then" here and there. It wasn't well written, and the use of couple was used wrong. In fact, it's unknown if they were even dating or not, though I am assuming they aren't dating yet. The story overall was confusing, though I do hope the author improves later on.
My rating: (as said earlier) ★☆☆☆☆
Reprech: Final comment/s, I guess you should fix your grammar, punctuation and capitalisation so that the readers will be able to understand your fanfic. Also, you should plan the events that are going to happen in the story, so that the reader won't be confused. Lastly, and the most important, you should make the character be in 'character' don't go all ooc and stuff...
