Hey Mich :)

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The brain death article I would have wanted to have written but didn't have time to because I was raising my children ^^

#braindeath #braindeathisnotdeath #death care #Healthcare #medical ethics #pro-life

[heymich]

She opened the gate under the firs for them to pass through. She looked suddenly old and tired; the glow and radiance had faded from her face; her parting smile was as sweet with ineradicable youth as ever, but when the girls looked back from the first curve in the lane they saw her sitting on the old stone bench under the silver poplar in the middle of the garden with her head leaning wearily on her hand. “She does look lonely,” said Diana softly. “We must come often to see her.” “I think her parents gave her the only right and fitting name that could possibly be given her,” said Anne. “If they had been so blind as to name her Elizabeth or Nellie or Muriel she must have been called Lavendar just the same, I think. It’s so suggestive of sweetness and old-fashioned graces and ‘silk attire.’ Now, my name just smacks of bread and butter, patchwork and chores.” “Oh, I don’t think so,” said Diana. “Anne seems to me real stately and like a queen. But I’d like Kerrenhappuch if it happened to be your name. I think people make their names nice or ugly just by what they are themselves. I can’t bear Josie or Gertie for names now but before I knew the Pye girls I thought them real pretty.” “That’s a lovely idea, Diana,” said Anne enthusiastically. “Living so that you beautify your name, even if it wasn’t beautiful to begin with . . . making it stand in people’s thoughts for something so lovely and pleasant that they never think of it by itself. Thank you, Diana.” - LM Montgomery from Anne of Avonlea

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Updates, personal thoughts on COVID-19

So I wanted to write for a while but I haven’t, at least here.

I am thankful to God that we are expecting a baby boy due in June 2020. In His perfect wisdom He allowed us to “catch the first egg”. I have not had my period since summer of 2017 (before my 2nd was born). At the time of this little one’s conception I was tandem nursing. I weaned my oldest when she turned 5. It was hard to let go but we haven’t gone back and she’s adjusted fine. She’s energetic and it has been a good transition to get her into formal education (at home that is).

The recent events affect our world right now with the COVID-19 pandemic. A couple of weeks ago I was pretty relaxed and now I’ve gone through my own panic/mania and desires to socially distance from virus mania (fear is contagious!). Though I would like to live life as usual I realize the world is changing and we live in tough times although in our part of the world I feel we are living very abundantly at the moment. However stories I have heard of people waiting first thing in the morning at the grocery store to get toilet paper, and at times fighting over certain items and even resorting to breaking into stores to get what they think we need... it’s been interesting to see what people do when they are afraid. 

I realize my faith and desire to make free choices is a threat to societal health. I am more interested in learning about immune health and survival skills at the moment and I am of the mindset that I go where hubby wants me to go even if it means leaving my doorstep to go somewhere. With the anxiety of a health crisis in our province and country... I realize it might be in better taste to just stay at home for the sake of the fearful and the vulnerable. I honestly don’t think much of the virus personally but for others it is life and death. I have been troubled, wondering how much responsibility I should carry for someone’s poor immune system. What is the most loving thing to do?  Who gets the most priority to be loved? Do we really understand this illness to know how to deal with it?

I guess in my very limited mind I compare this panic to the crisis of a burning building. I was taught as a first aider that in case of a fire the priority of those who are immobile or wheelchair bound are that they get left behind. I thought, how sad. Every life matters doesn’t it? However if I try to protect these vulnerable people I will get burned up too. 

I guess what I’m trying to say is my inner mind is struggling with is that 

- I am pro-life, and I believe all life matters - I do care about the vulnerable - in this case the immune compromised, the elderly - In this scenario, it is these vulnerable people that are most likely not going to be able to manage the complications of COVID-19  - I think it is in our duty personally to not be irresponsible, in the sense of going into a care home or hospital when we exhibit signs and symptoms of illness - in the case of COVID-19 pandemic, it makes sense that those who have traveled should not be resuming work with the elderly and immune compromised for a few weeks or get tested to see if they are carriers - However I think the rest of society should move on, life as usual and if anything work on improving immune health and continue to contribute to society. However there are changes I think many people should make to make society not go “broken” when illness hits.

Is my view at the last point selfish, and unChristlike?

I guess I should explain more...

I am a homeschooling stay at home mother and housewife. I only gather publicly as necessary and generally we are at home. With the outbreak I am more than happy to slow down and be still at home. I don’t have to leave my kids in public school so I can go to work as a nurse (anymore). I am generally low risk in the sense that I am not constantly in public areas. 

I really think society could benefit from the “traditional” family structure, so that in case of these crises it won’t be as bit of a hit. If we just live on less stuff and minded our families and even kept our elderly parents at home with us, I think a lot of us would be healthier in general. 

But is this the reality? No. Okay I get it. My ideals are not the reality. So I will stay home as much as I can and avoid gathering until we see what happens next and pray for the salvation of these people most at risk of dying from COVID-19. 

However through this pandemic this is what I am learning: - It’s a great thing to educate the public on strengthening our immune systems in general - The traditional family model of the wife being at home with kids, families taking in the elderly and the husband providing may allow society to bear with bigger hits in the future - As a wife and mother I would like to look into protecting my family by learning more about self-sustainability and survival skills. This isn’t just for myself but to teach the next generation through my children not to be so dependent on outside resources to survive. And through being self-sustaining they can educate and share with others what they know and have and be a blessing.

So yeah we live in hard times, globally. It is heartbreaking seeing how full hospitals are and how many sick people are. It is inspiring yet painful to know there are staff sacrificing and spending long hours serving in hospitals and grocery stores for long hours without breaks. It is sad that people are dying from this illness. It is very concerning that we don’t know what the long term effects are from this virus that was possibly genetically altered by people in a lab. 

It is inspiring to know there a people pulling together to try to get people through this crisis at the cost of their own time and energy. I also appreciate the lessons God teaches us in time of isolation and trusting Him when it is tempting to go into panic mode. 

I am inspired as well to think about what the more urgent and important things in life are like anticipating the coming of Jesus, Judgement Day, and Resurrection. Though it is scary to think many people are perishing every day, this is actually not a new thing. All sin and fall short of the glory of God, and the wages of sin is death. We have something greater to worry about, which is our eternal destiny. A verse that is on my mind is a few verses in Matthew 10:

26 “So have no fear of them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. 27 What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops. 28 And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. 29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. 30 But even the hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. 32 So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I also will acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, 33 but whoever denies me before men, I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven.

I am thankful that Jesus instructs to fear God. And that I am of much value to God. I must continue to acknowledge His goodness and sovereignty through this hard time in the world.

I stand corrected that this view may be limited in the sense that though I trust God with my life, and want to walk in faith and freedom, I still need to love my neighbour and prevent the spread of illness where I can. So along with not fearing, limiting exposure would be most loving to those vulnerable who are trying to stay alive. God have mercy on them. 

So choosing to self isolate doesn’t equal fear necessarily. It can, but it can also be done out of love. 

The reality is I don’t know who carries this virus, and whether it will ever go away. There will continue to be virus and bacteria that put the vulnerable at risk that comes around and goes around if we plan to continue life as usual once this outbreak is over. Though self-distancing and quarantine may be a short term fix in terms of buying time and lowering numbers of those contracting the illness, and hopefully decreasing the panic, we are seeing the economy going down as a result of many factors related to this pandemic. I am concerned how society will function if we keep doing what we are doing, the way we are doing things. So in a sense, I want to advocate that we should move on, but in a sense it is a good time to stop and think how we should move forward.

I long for heaven during this time. I long for the word COVID-19 to be old news. I long for the paranoia of social gathering to be done with. I would be excited to know if those who contract this virus develop immunity to it or not. It really is quite the test of the society’s immune health. I am excited to hear stories of people using Vitamin C and other alternative treatments to heal from the illness. I’m excited to move forward in hope rather than fear. I look forward to God doing good through this trial. Lord Jesus come quickly!

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I have more to write about other topics on my mind which I will post here in the future including topics like pro-life/vaccines, and the medical life of brain death... if anyone want to read. Stay tuned, whoever you are.

Blessings,

Michelle

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Questioning busyness, the gift of availability and its dangers

My life right now is “busy” some might say. Yeah I have 2 kids (5 and 2) and I’m homeschooling. 

The reality is that I’m a bit hesitant to be too busy. 

I recognize my limits and I’m craving for margin, and to slow down in this season of having little ones. 

I recognize I can’t do it all. And I hate feeling pressured by the so called “lack of time”. The reality is that we all have the same amount of time and the question is- what are we doing with the time God has given us?

Some might think that the best use of your time is to have a reasonable amount of busyness to make their time productive. I appreciate all those good intentions but I think in this season of my life, keeping my cool and remaining sane and rested is higher on my priority list than putting my kids in lessons. It sounds limiting but I trust my kids will have plenty of opportunity to learn at home and going out together and figuring out stuff together. 

For example... we plan to go skating with our own skates, when we feel like it. We will go out when we finish our chores. We will save our energy in the morning if there is a big outing in the afternoon/evening. We will rest in the afternoon/evening if we spent all day in the morning being out somewhere. We will go out in the afternoon after a busy morning only when we are up for it. I desire to be faithful in managing my home and the question in my mind is how am I going to do my home life well if I’m not even at home? 

Some might ask, well, “define home”. Or say, “Being at home is no fun”. 

Well home for me is considered my place of rest and refuge. It’s also my place of Lord’s ministry for me, to my husband, children and guests that enter our home. It is a place where private memories can be made, and where I feel generally relaxed about letting the kids roam just about anywhere and I can respond quickly to their needs. It’s where my primary work is done, meals are prepared, mouths are fed, babies are born and nursed, tears are cried, bums are wiped, laundry is done, songs are sang, books are read, lessons are learned, beds are slept on, people are prayed for, God is worshiped, and a place where fun memories are made. 

I’m just skeptical about being too busy and normalizing crazy busy as something that is a good thing. In my perception, it is hard to feel connected to others when everyone is busy. Even our neighbors who live close to us aren’t able to meet up with us-  we have different schedules and priorities. I’m at home either most days and I’m usually gone for as long as a few hours except one day a week where we are out the whole afternoon/evening for Bible study in a different city. This other family is a double income family with children in daycare and programs. No judgment. But as a result, I don’t get to enjoy being with my own neighbours even though we live under the same roof. 

I get we live in a commuter culture where drive all over the place. There’s things to do and places to go. Most men (and many women) go out to work somewhere. It’s hard to connect when we have our schedules overly crammed. Community somehow becomes whoever you “do stuff” with (e.g. meeting other parents during lessons, classes, activities, school). 

My life: we are at home, homeschool, my husband works from home. Meanwhile we limit our activities to only once a week community homeschool group. So far I haven’t added anything more than that on purpose. I want to be available. 

I’m not afraid of being considered lazy however I do think that could be an area of temptation of not being “busy” enough. My learning curve of being at home has been so steep I am always behind... however striving to have a “prepared home” for welcoming others is something I have on my mind to keep improving on (for the rest of my life probably). I find it a hindrance to accomplish a prepared home if I’m always running around being busy. This past week has been very busy and it is nice to finally be at home. 

Here a couple of cases of why I am glad we weren’t too busy.

1) One time my husband wanted to fill up our day with some fun activities and for some reason a plan didn’t work out and I was quite content with not being overly busy. We were in our neighbourhood when I received good news that our old neighbours had a baby. Because we had enough margin for that day to be available, we were able to go pick up some food and visit this family. I felt so thankful that we weren’t so busy and were available to serve as a family in an “unplanned” kind of way.

2) I was busy doing laundry at home. My husband interrupts me to let me know that my neighbour is needing help at the door. For some reason I didn’t want to answer the door (to my shame) because I’m not used to people trying to contact me at my door for any good reason. We discover that the neighbor’s baby was choking and I was able to automatically use my first aid skills to assist the baby and she was safe after the incident. We were all glad that we were at home when this event happened, what if we were not in our homes?

3) I’m glad we aren’t too busy so that if anyone ever needs to stop by and hang out, they know our door is generally open to visits and we aren’t rushing our company out the door so we can attend to the next thing. I do have neighbors who does periodically stop by to pray and chat and ask our family to go out. It is very satisfying to enjoy neighborly friendships. 

I’m not completely against plans and programs. I see the value of making the best use of the time. At the same time I long for this more slow based, friendly neighborhood life that doesn’t really exist in my life, to the degree of my desires at this moment. I feel torn when I go out to fellowship with people in my church building which is located 5 cities away. I long for table fellowship. I long to spend time with you in your home and learn from you and actually do life with you outside planned programs. Is that even possible?

Yes there are dangers to not being busy enough, or being “too available”. We learned in today’s sermon at church that widows should marry and avoid being gossips and busybodies. I get that. Thankfully God has allowed me to have a husband and children so I can keep (good) busy but I just want to avoid being too busy or crazy busy. Perhaps the fine line is drawn at different thresholds for every family, or every family simply has different priorities. Or they are on a journey to see how much they can handle. For me, enjoying a quiet life and being available to invest deeper into relationships with God and people means more to me than any busy programmed schedule can offer. It’s just really tough to achieve in reality at this moment with all the choices and technology available to us.

Just my opinion... 

[heymich]

My journey with Jesus and the Church- Part 3

I started going to a local mega church at age 11, after a person invited us to youth group there but never showed up it seemed. We kept going. People spoke English primarily there. It didn’t feel strange but I was still a stranger in a massive amount of people. We just stop bothered going to youth group and attended the services, feeling comfortable in our anonymity for many years. 

I did visit the youth group in this particular church at age 16 or so, when a classmate invited me to come out once she found out I was attending that church. I recall feeling really awkward, and at the same time excited about the possibilities of being known by a pastor personally. 

It was through the youth pastor I met there, that I was exposed to a few things I didn’t know about Jesus/God:

- Jesus is not as meek and mild as we think- He’s coming back on a horse and a flaming sword.  - The concept of the Trinity 

- I also went on a group serve event with a bunch of people I didn’t know serving hot chocolate. It was weird to be out with people I didn’t know much about. [I remember learning a new word from someone: “inconspicuous”. We are supposed to appear inconspicuous when we go out chatting with people and giving out stuff. It’s not a part of my regular vocabulary until this day, but... I guess I should practice using a bit more because every time I hear the word I’m like, “what does that mean again?”. Sorry silly side story.]

I continued on my merry way going to church services listening to the pastor preach. In my journal it appears I have a prayer life with God/Jesus, without really understanding much of who He is. A few people who sat around us at the 11:30 am service were familiar friendly faces, but other than that no one really knew what was happening in my life at the time.

At 16, I was encouraged to go volunteer for the annual Christmas pageant there. My sister and I were greeters. We met a lady who was very nice to us, and was one of the wives of the other pastors working there.

...

It was when I was 18, when I sought to attend a class that taught the basics of Christianity. I really wanted to “own” my own faith. I really can’t recall that drove me to do that. I met a nice lady who was the admin that helped me sign up. I attended the class, hoping to figure out how to be happy like the other happy-clappy people in the church service. I was not feeling my life was changed like the people I learned about on the baptism video testimonies that happened once a month. I felt my life needed to be fixed up so I could be acceptable to God, or be a real, good Christian...

To be continued... 

[heymich]

My journey with Jesus and the Church- Part 2 childhood

Life feels like a lot right now so I haven’t been writing as much. I want to grow firm in what I know to be true. Sometimes sharing my thoughts on things isn’t always the most beneficial thing (at least I feel, at times) but I’m sure someone can benefit so I’ll keep writing... I’m trying to keep my eyes off the world...

I grew up attending church as my parents started going. It’s really a blur to me. It was an ethnic church where most kids were speaking English. I didn’t understand the sermon. I have vague memories of Bible study camps and activities. I recall friendly adults and also the pressure to make friends with the other children. I never really felt comfortable in that environment. I got the sense that being a Christian was about going to church and reading the Bible sometimes but it didn’t really connect with the rest of my life.

I don’t necessarily blame church for this kind of upbringing but we are all on a journey with our own family make ups and everyone’s on a spiritual journey. However there were a few short comings I recalled...

Someone who I never met asked my sister and I whether we knew where we were going if Vancouver were to have an earthquake and we died. I answered “I don’t know”. The response was that the man told me that I wasn’t ready to get baptized yet.

I’ll write more in a testimony blog but basically I wish the Gospel was preached to me, but then again maybe I wasn’t listening or ready to hear it? I definitely felt the weight of my sin and never feeling I could ever meet God’s standards for me. I don’t think the solution necessarily is to just “do away with the legalism” or rules or standards. God is Holy. We are called to be holy too. We need a Redeemer... and Advocate... Jesus.

[heymich]

My hubby shared with me this preview video. It was good. I appreciate it’s explanation of the ordering of such things like

- warning about the false teaching of the prosperity gospel (health and wealth) that is pervading American churches, and spreading across the world

- the true Gospel is “Faith = salvation + works” (rather than “Faith + works = salvation”)

- That the Gospel is for everyone, including Christians (amen)

- The law doesn’t save you but Jesus does. Having a right relationship with him results in the outcome of following the law (if you love me, you obey my commandments)

- Cool to see some testimonies of people impacted by the movie, especially the lady who was from 

- The Gospel should be preached in every sermon (amen). 

- The purpose of the Gospel presentation is supposed to lead to worship (yes and amen!). 

Other thoughts

Do you understand what the Gospel is about, and what it means for you?

Do you delight in the Gospel of your salvation?

It does bug me that when people hear “Christian” and “Christianity” it is met with a lot of misinterpretations of what Scripture actually says, and is confused by false presentations of the gospel by false teachers. It’s good to be very familiar with the true Gospel so we can refute the false Gospel.

Romans 1:16 says

For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.

[I guess I want to add a disclaimer to anyone who might come across my blog is that my reflections are my own ideas that I’m working out, but ultimately God’s truth and His good news trumps over all human reasoning. I need the Gospel message like anyone else. I think it’s okay for people to disagree on the secondary issues, and to keep the Gospel the main thing. May He continue to guide each person to increasing delight in Him and His ways. To Him be the glory alone!]

3 For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures,  (1 Corinthians 15:3)

As “real, raw and honest” I want to be, after watching this movie, I do feel inspired to take a look back at my previous post and see how I can be infusing the Gospel more into the everyday things I think about. However I also want to present my current understandings and questions in an unapologetic manner, and acknowledge I am speaking in a point of view where I am growing in loving God’s design (including how he designed us to worship Him and to love Him, but yes then there was this problem of sin...). May the Lord grant wisdom with regard to how I will be posting on this blog in the future. 

[heymich]

My journey with Jesus and the Church- Part 1 (intro and context)

I wanted to start another blog series. Anyway I am really surprised I have so much I want to write down after years of inconsistent blogging... I guess a lot was happening during the last few years. I also would like to process through things that are brought up to my mind with the latest news of Joshua Harris’ apostasy and separation from his wife (with regard to purity culture, dating, God’s design for sex and marriage, gender roles, etc...). But for now I’ll focus on my personal experience of church first as it has much to do with the previous sentence as well. 

I write today in the context of a very confusing world where we are seeing more people falling away from the faith. Lord, have mercy on us... my heart is heavy on this matter, but I know the Lord is sovereign... I want to share a few reflections on my church life and my faith in Christ so far. It’s not going to be entirely comprehensive, but I’ll do my best to share details and reflections. A sister in Christ asked me a few years ago to write my thought on Church. I never got to it, but I remembered and thought I would get to it at some point... I think it’s especially important to share stories to add diversity to public discussion. Hopefully this can create good beginnings for conversations...

Another thing to add to the context to why I want to write on this topic is that I am aware that some people may have been hurt in their church experiences or their experience of Christianity. I think those kind of stories need to be heard, but I hope I can encourage those who read to pursue a godly perspective to perceive their trials. My heart aches for those who have left the church due to painful circumstances, whether it be the failings of others or themselves. When I ask people in my life why they have left the church, I get many reasons or excuses that could very well be valid yet in my heart I know there must be more to the story. God knows.

I myself have experienced hurt in the church, and have (to my surprise) at times felt the temptation to not want to show up or see certain people that make up the church. At the same time I am so grateful for the church, and I know very much that Jesus loves the church and calls us to live lives of faith, not just our fleeting feelings... I really do believe in church membership and taking our covenants seriously. I am also very aware of my sin nature and my fickleness and my need to anchor myself on something other than my failing emotions. 

I am aware that the church, though made up of saints is also on this side of eternity a fallen institution as well, made up of sinners. We are a body of Christ but at this point, a body in need of healing and sanctification and some of us who think we are part of the body are not actually part of the body at all...

More to come, soon. Starting from the “beginning”...

[heymich]

My Motherhood and Nursing Journey- part 4

Preview: Preamble, God’s design, survival and human flourishing, objections and mother to mother wisdom... nursing/breastfeeding, lactivism...

Preamble

I think I know maybe just a handful of people in my life who are passionate about this subject of breastfeeding/nursing and how God has revealed to me his wonderful design and purposes. It’s hard to talk about it because I don’t want to come off as judgmental or shaming others who haven’t, are unable, or for some reason did not decide to walk this particular road. I don’t think I am a better than anyone for living the way I do. I don’t think my family will be superior to anyone’s family because of these decisions. Ultimately God is the best, He will judge justly, and His ways are the best, and the best for us. I want to share this knowledge so someone might be blessed or feel less alone in their decision to go this same path. 

Off on a tangent, kind of- Ravi Zacharias had an interview with Ben Shapiro that I found encouraging in many ways. He mentioned in the talk about the issue of elitism vs. egalitarianism. Elitism referring to ideas- that there are some ideas that are better than other ideas. And egalitarianism referring that human beings are all equal in value no matter what differences they might have. The problem of today’s culture is that we have switched the two ideas of elitism and egalitarianism... there is an egalitarianism of ideas (all ideas are equal) and an elitism of people (certain people having more value than other people). 

I do find often this particular conundrum in the realm of this current day conversation. It seems like ideas are treated as equal- such as, your truth is your truth, my truth is my truth (relativism) and the idea of just do what works for you (pragmatism, individual autonomy). The idea of doing something that is “better” or even “right” is considered in some conversations as harsh, judgmental, prideful, and shaming others who do things differently. Some circles embrace “science” and “facts” but when it comes to making personal decisions, many like the sense that “personal rights” are honored, vs. what is actually right for the person, and right for society and human flourishing.

So how does one have a proper discussion of ideas without feeling personally trampled, accused, attacked, or feeling like certain people who disagree will feel less valued, and feel shamed? Sadly when I google up stories of breastfeeding and post-partum depression, you hear accounts of women who feel suicidal or not mom enough because they “failed” to breastfeed their children and feel pressured by the term “breast is best”. It was in nursing school that I learned the concept of “breast is best”. I thought it was a wonderful saying, based on undeniable facts that breastmilk is far superior to any other feeding method for a baby. In today’s world it seems like the medical advice is “fed is best”. As long as the baby is fed, that is what matters. You know, for the sake of protecting a mother’s value, worth, and mental health. Mothering is hard enough right?

No judgment to my mom friends. I was formula fed. I turned out “okay” right? My mother had twins. She didn’t think breastfeeding was going to work out with us. We were also born premature... I’m happy to have been fed either way and I’m alive. Praise the Lord.

I understand somewhat, both sides of the extremes. But at the same time I don’t agree. My heart aches. My mind is puzzled. I love mothers and I love babies and I love God’s wonderful gift of breastfeeding. I truly think the “idea” of breastfeeding and breastmilk is superior to all other forms of infant feeding.  How do I respond to those who disagree? I can only share from my heart and hear each story case by case and offer support where I can...

God’s design, survival and human flourishing

I’m not an expert on this but mammals are a class of animals that have mammary glands. Humans happen to be part of that same class... so we make milk, to feed our young. Wonderful isn’t it. It’s clear to me that God created us to nurse our young for however long the young need to be nursed (which some may decide what that age is...). There are wonderful articles sharing the benefits of breastmilk and breastfeeding your child for both the mother and the child- I guess I’ll link a few here, here, and here. 

This information just wows me! It gets me excited. And I’m so thankful I get to do this... to nourish the next generation. Even though I am an imperfect vessel. It hasn’t been a perfect journey. Some days are harder than others. Some days I’m unsure if I even made the right decision. But we’re living it, we’re doing it... I really hope it pays to get this first hand experience so I can pass on the knowledge and support to my children. Not everyone will choose this path but I think it is absolutely necessary (in a physical sense) for human flourishing. Also, spiritual lessons can be drawn through this journey...

Being connected physically to my children for this long has definitely forced me to take care of my own health as I am nourishing lives. The lack of ovulation due to breastfeeding has bought me time to connect with my children and recover from my pregnancies, labours and deliveries. Having my children connected to me through nursing definitely forces me to understand their cues and their needs as they change and grow. I do prefer the term nursing over breastfeeding, because breast should not be just about feeding. It’s way more than that, in my paradigm. Again I did not always think this way. Nursing has forced me to be more nurturing and attentive to my babies’ emotional needs and my own body’s need to rest and restore. 

In an immune perspective, I was also impressed to learn that the child’s immune system is not fully developed until they are around 6 years of age. And globally the upper limit of end of nursing is age 6-7. Isn’t that amazing?? I gotta find the exact article where I found that. They also compared different mammals, and their reproductive ages, and it seems to make sense that humans nurse longer because they reach their reproductive age at a later time compared to most animals.

Okay, and in a survival perspective. Let’s say... there is a natural disaster and we are out of clean water. And you happen to have been formula feeding your infant and now you cannot feed your child. What will you do? Obviously you wouldn’t want your child to starve. Lord willing, help will come and provide clean water somehow but as a nursing mother I have another solution to offer to you. Wet nursing. It’s been practiced in the past, and it’s even mentioned in the Bible. And we all know that formula is a modern invention right? Of course there are people who DIY their own formulas or give their kids cow or goats milk. But even bottles are a pretty modern invention. I haven’t done all the research but something in me sees that in a state of emergency and lack of clean drinking or washing water, the non-breastfed kids are going to be at a disadvantage. I guess it is helpful for a family who is formula feeding their child to have an emergency stash somewhere... anyway there are sources sharing how even if the mom doesn’t have nourishment during an emergency she can still nurse her child and make lots of milk. Wow praise God!! Breastfeeding can save lives!

Objections to promoting nursing/breastfeeding

Just to name a few. There are a lot of great pro-breastfeeding advice out there but this is my response...

- Having bad experiences with nursing. Dear mothers who struggle, you aren’t alone. It’s important to read up about nursing and connect with people who actually want you to succeed in your “breastfeeding goals” (e.g. how long you want to nurse and your experience of it). There are people who are well-intentioned but are quick to advise you (or affirm you towards) early weaning when you or baby aren’t ready yet, or provide enough information to convince you to use formula. Nursing is not supposed to be painful but the reality is that we do live in a fallen world and things like congenital abnormalities, mineral deficiencies, stress from the birth experience or medications used during labor, and lack of experience and misinformation can lead mothers on a difficult, confusing, “unnatural” mothering journey of nursing their babies in the early weeks. It is not an easy journey. 

For example... myself- I was not nursed. My mother and mother in law did not nurse their kids (formula fed generation, but also just a medical condition where nursing was not advised). Generally many people in our parents’ generation did not nurse their kids so they do not see the benefit of nursing nor see what the purpose of even trying to nurse your own children since bottle feeding is more convenient. Call me kooky but I like trying new things, doing hard things and I feel motivated by the “rightness” of it all, (e.g. you start making colostrum, supply and demand based on baby’s sucking needs... it’s just meant to be, it’s supposed to happen, the baby needs it, mom needs it too)... that I think it is a pilgrimage worth journeying through.

- Fear of failure? Not feeling mom enough? Post-partum depression and anxiety... Like, what if it didn’t “work” for you for some reason? From what I have read, I honestly think that any woman who has a baby can nurse their baby, with the right supports in place, and if the mother is determined to make it work for whatever time they hope to nurse for. I am really sorry for those who couldn’t do it for what ever reasons but I don’t think it should be something to normalize when a mother or baby has to end the nursing relationship earlier than they anticipated especially in the first 2 years of the baby’s life. I think the reality is that there are many factors that make nursing so difficult for today’s modern women and I don’t think it’s fair to blame breastfeeding, or the promotion of breastfeeding for creating a sense of failure in the mother. See... perhaps someone can explain it to me, but I don’t really understand why I hear stories of moms (online usually) who say they had felt “pressure” to breastfeed their child and for some reason the mother couldn’t do it, but felt she shouldn’t have been “pressured” to breastfeed. I feel with the many options mothers have in today’s world people perceive that breastfeeding is just another mothering choice. In my mind breastfeeding is a part of mothering. And I would wish that mothers didn’t feel pressured if people come around and try to advocate and support their breastfeeding journey to be a success. I don’t see why that would be shaming a mother to promote breastfeeding, unless she truly did not want to nurse her child and felt the support was completely unnecessary. Well then that’s her choice and she should be supported as long as her baby is fed... and hopefully she did it informed-ly. Sadly I’m not even sure if people today actually want more information, but rather they want privacy and independence to do whatever they want with their lives and their children’s lives. Okay then. 

There’s another great quote by Ravi where he says that with the world’s egalitarianism of ideas, that you can’t escape that there are natural consequences to each idea. I gotta post the actual quote down in the future. But it’s been burning in my mind to share that... God allows us to make the choices we make. He doesn’t necessarily force us to do what he wants. However every choice has it’s consequences. What you sow is what you reap! I love God’s order. I love how gravity is constant. I love how there is order blessing that follows with obedience, and that there is chaos and judgment when the path of selfishness and disobedience is followed. 

I don’t like scaring people into decisions. But I still like to inform my dear friends who are thinking through their choices about God’s wonderful design and the wonderful scientific facts available to us. For some people they rather not think through consequences long term because for now, it works for them and their family. Bravo. It is a bit present-pragmatic (is that even a word?) but I respect that approach too. Though I love the path I have taken so far and I’m excited what God will do through it, I also acknowledge not everyone’s arrived to the same ideas, and I totally respect a wife who is willing to be lead by her husband’s lead and preferences on raising their family for the glory of God. Mothers, you are wives and helpers to your husbands before you are mothers. Your mothering will have great influence by your husband’s lead... God is watching, and He will take care. 

 - I just want my body back, or sleep, or self-care, or it’s just not good for my mental health. I remember losing my former belly button and realizing it will never look the same after my first was born. I had to grieve that loss and accept my body has given birth to a life and will now be nourishing a life. I am not my own. I was never my own. I am the Lord’s. I am a wife AND a mother now. I need to catch up with reality sometimes. Mother, have you considered what your body is for, and who it belongs to? Do you see your motherhood as a calling from God and a way to worship Him through your mothering duties? I feel in this world, there is an attempt to separate God’s creation from God’s intended purposes and design for that creation- specifically as I am talking about separating sex from children, separating breasts from nursing a child, separating women and wife-hood and motherhood... did you know that it is possible to tend to your sleep and mental health without sacrificing the needs of your child? I feel like I’m getting into potentially judgmental territory because I don’t know what you struggle with at this time so I apologize if this comes across wrongly. For example, did you know that breastfeeding actually causes mom and baby to be relaxed and sleepy? Doesn’t that sound like self-care, right there? Sleep with your baby if you can!! I know some people might not dig the idea of bedsharing... but that’s in the Bible too. Haha. Luke 11:7. I think my expectations of self-care have changed. I remember feeling so miserable about not having my daily showers with being so busy with the newborn stage. Now I don’t even shower every day as I learned it’s actually not good for you (especially, washing with soap that is. However I should treat myself to some “hydrotherapy” more often. Then again, I guess part of my self-care right now is to write this down for you to read right now! 

I also remember being sad I had to hide in a room to avoid making certain men feel uncomfortable during a social gathering. Now I crave those alone times away from crowds and I see nursing as a nice retreat to gather myself before I go out and socialize again. In other scenarios learning to nurse in public has helped me sooth my baby in public while being able to listen to the sermon at church, for example. I’ve learned to be very flexible... we’ve even gone camping with my first at 10 months and she would just go where I went. It made for good memories even though it was a lot of work!  

Mental health story: I remember the pressure of feeling I had to separate from my first child at 4 months old for that date night opportunity... I was not ready at the time. My kind in-laws were offering us a date night I believe. They formula fed their kids so the idea of leaving your child to a caregiver didn’t seem a big of a deal however for me, I wasn’t sure if my kid would even take a bottle yet. It was a pretty big deal to leave my little nursling!! Hehe first time parenting. Anyway, I called up my local LLL leader who reassured me that I can still enjoy dates with my husband while bringing my baby with me. She reassured me that babies are only little for a season and that I should enjoy the time I get with the baby, and consider things like baby wearing and bringing the baby on the date too. She commented things like I just became a mother and it is a transition. I had heard similar advice from a wise woman of 8 children who told me that this season flies by quickly and to enjoy it. Hmm... sometimes we just want to get on with the next stage only to realize we wish we could have savored it more. Not to sound kid-centric but I’m just growing more convinced that if we embrace this season of life, we can deal with it better mentally (self-talk: I am a mother and a wife and I can do both by the grace of the Lord Jesus)... and by asking for help in ways that help me to prioritize the things I care about like sleep, and mental health (e.g. asking help from family and friends with thing related to domestic duties for a season like cooking and cleaning). Now that I have 2 kids I realize the preciousness of any kind of alone time I get with my husband and help I get from others. I am more confident about leaving my kids for a couple of hours. I left my second born at 3 months with her first bottle and told my in-laws we’ll be back, in the mean time I trust you all will survive ;). it gives me perspective that if I were to die one day, my kids would be more than okay and God will take care. That takes a lot of pressure off me as a mom, even though my little ones depend so much on me for a season of time. After having my second I realize the time where they are physically needy is an important time to bond and grow together- I can choose to grumble through it, or be thankful for it and just roll with it. Some days/moments I fail and some days/moments I succeed. Anyway, perspective pays and thank God for His grace to grant us moms with supernatural patience and gentleness and kindness and thankfulness... we can’t do it on our own. We are not our own. Lord please continue to give me more of your perspective...

- We just don’t live in that kind of world, it’s not realistic, lack of support. I’ve heard this personally... that my ideals just don’t fit in this world that we live in. Moms have to go to work. We don’t live near our families. We don’t get the support we need so we can be healthy enough to nurse our children. It doesn’t feel socially acceptable to nurse my child in public. What will people think? It’s kind of gross don’t you think? My child doesn’t need this and already eats food. Well you get to make your own decision. I want to be there to support those who do choose this path, and a support to those who don’t choose the same exact path. I definitely think we need to be a community that supports each other even in our differences, and continue to learn from each other. For survival, for human flourishing, for the glory of God. Ultimately whether someone chooses to breastfeed or not is not really my primary concern. My primary concern is love, whether people understand that or not... Love for God and love for others. Not just in how we make parenting choices, but how we make time to bless one another through the time we spend together, the ideas we might share, and the practical help we provide for one another. Mom’s need support to raise the next generation. This is work of eternal value. It needs community to support this grand endeavour.

Mother to mother wisdom

Titus 2 comes to mind. But also from the inspiration of LLL and other sources of information, I’ve been more and more convinced the value of passing on wisdom, traditions and knowledge via mother to mother. I sense we live in a culture where families are very individualistic, and distant from the previous generation, and are quick to run to the “experts” e.g. their doctor when concerns arise in the care of their child, or the way they handle labour and delivery. I want to share my heart about this as I think this is vital to human flourishing and obeying the Lord in the area of women and childbearing. Shortly my concern is that when people run to health care providers who are not experienced in normal birth and delivery and preparing the woman to conceive and carry a pregnancy and give birth, and nursing well... that it could lead to a negative experience of motherhood (starting from conception) and create unnecessary trauma for a woman and harden her heart towards the idea of having more children going forward, or being fearful of her past traumas. My understanding is that these traumatic experiences don’t have to be the norm (as it is dramatized in our culture about worst case scenarios, and hospitalization of birth as if it were a disease)... instead I would want to advocate healthy motherhood experiences from conception to post-partum so the mother gets the best start to her parenting journey and is encouraged to continue being open to children out of obedience to the Lord. I know maybe it’s not in my job to change a person’s heart on the subject of trusting God with their fertility but I guess I see that the factors that impact a woman’s motherhood could be improved so that the experience of motherhood can be enjoyed for what it was meant to be. There are things that a doctor isn’t necessarily going to tell a mother unless they too themselves are mothers. Actually if a woman were to visit a doctor for their birth, it would be wisest if the doctor was too a woman or a man who is married to a woman who has given birth to many children. I think I can trust testimony from a woman who has successfully given birth and has cared for her body and is proven to be able to care for her families needs. An example that I admire is Serene Allison from Trim Healthy Mama. She looks great after 9 biological kids (I think) and is a grandmother, homeschooler and businesswoman. She has a little one herself and looks like a busy mom and faithful wife and is spiritually lively. 

In conclusion... I am not against formula or those who think differently. But I really love God’s gift of nursing and mothering and wanted to share that to the world and give praise to God as I share. He is good and so wise! There is so much I could write about this topic... as God teaches me but I think this concludes my series on “Motherhood and nursing journey” so far...

Lactivist quotes from theologian John Calvin 

". . .the Lord does not in vain prepare nutriment for children in their mothers' bosoms, before they are born. But those on whom he confers the honor of mothers, he, in this way, constitutes nurses; and they who deem it a hardship to nourish their own offspring, break, as far as they are able, the sacred bond of nature. If disease, or anything of that kind, is the hindrance, they have a just excuse; but for mothers voluntarily, and for their own pleasure, to avoid the trouble of nursing, and thus to make themselves only half-mothers, is a shameful corruption."

The above is a comment from John Calvin's writings about Genesis 21:7, which reads:

7 And she added, "Who would have said to Abraham that Sarah would nurse children? Yet I have borne him a son in his old age."

Love,

Michelle

[heymich]

My Motherhood and Nursing Journey- part 3

(This is mostly a physiological/mental/emotional story but I can explain the spiritual aspect more later. There's always more to the story...)

I was trying to do what they told me to do.

Nurse every 2-3 hours.

Put them back in the crib.

Don't fall asleep with your baby in bed.

She was not cooperating with my plan. She was crying everytime I put her down. She would fall asleep while nursing and when I unlatched her she would start crying. I was then told to wait until she was really sleeping for 20 minutes before I put her back down.

So I was like... I have to be awake, while she gets to sleep? What kind of deal is this? I'm tired!!

"Get as much rest as you can" they would say.

"Sleep when baby sleeps" they would also say.

I felt this was some kind of joke. Me get rest? Trying to get this baby to sleep was a lot of work and stress and I didn't want to just let her cry. I really believed that at the newborn stage they only know how to communicate their needs through crying and can't possibly be trying to manipulate me. I mean she was just born yesterday.

After about two weeks of sleep deprivation and seeing what we are like after midnight as newlywed parents... I just thought if at least one of us gets sleep especially my husband than at least one of us is sane. Then, we accidentally discovered bed sharing.

I fell asleep while Joanna was nursing in my bed. Prior to that I was sitting up with pillows to try to establish a proper latch. But I finally got 4 hours of sleep and felt awesome and terrified at the same time.

I told my midwife what happened and she didn't flinch. She actually encouraged me to look into safe sleep 7 guidelines from LLL and I was receptive and relieved this was a possible option to grant me more sleep as a new mother.

I learned from this midwife that nursing is not just for nutrition but for warmth, regulating their heart beat and blood sugars and for transition... my body odor was just the most comfortable and familiar place on Earth for her. I learned that as the baby uses their sucking reflexes on the mother's breast it increases the mother's milk supply so they are making an order for more as they are the ones stimulating demand and signaling my body to create supply.

I urge any new mother to consider the wonderful option of safe bed sharing if that works for you and to get the most sleep for you and baby, especially in the beginning. If baby cries it could be for many reasons and you can try nursing your child first to rule out many reasons for their distress. It's developmentally normal for the baby to be with the mother!

Just nurse the baby!! I say!!

I'm not trying to look down on anyone who has difficulty nursing their baby or decided it didn't work for them. It's a struggle in the beginning for most new mothers for many reasons. I would like to be a support and cheerleader for moms who want to successfully breastfeed as long as they can. Get help if you need it. It's not supposed to be painful.

And throw out that mommy guilt and focus on survival!! I honestly spent too much time worrying about all the decisions and whether I would mess up my child if I made the wrong decision. Sigh but this decision making can be very difficult but it's worth thinking through and being aware of the options. There's a fine line between awareness and worry and guilt. We can only make the best decision in our capability and learn as best as we can and keep learning and change as we discover the best things to do. Parents, God designed for you to do this and gave you the authority to make these decisions, take advice from others with a grain of salt and take responsibility for your decisions.

In the next post I think I'll write some personal thoughts on why I think nursing is such a valuable gift from God and what God taught me through breastfeeding.

Blessings

Michelle