— Rose Colored Glasses ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.
samira mohan x lesbian!reader
word count: 31.2k
contains: reader is a lesbian but never physically described and isn't referred to with any pronouns, alcohol, language, some fluff, some angst, some suggestive themes, slow burn...,physical and emotional hurt/comfort, one (1) physical fight between reader and a stranger, coworkers/friends samira & reader, reader is out of the closet and samira's gay awakening, samira struggles with accepting it, everyone else in the friend group is gay bc i said so, some mentions of javadi/mateo and santos/garcia cause why not, it's pride weekend in pittsburgh and the gang goes out!
description: samira mohan had never really doubted her sexuality, but after you began working at the hospital and became one of her closest friends, maybe it was time to.
a/n: was listening to 'what i want' by muna the other day and thought it was so samira coded 😆 pls listen to the playlist if you can, i promise it enhances the story! consider this a super late pride month gift, i hope you all like it 🫶 (and pls forgive any and all medical inaccuracies, thank youuu)
ao3 link | spotify playlist
samira mohan masterlist
"Good morning," a singsong voice spreads through the room.
Samira turns her head to see you walking towards her with two paper cups in hand, one outstretched in her direction as soon as you're within reach.
"Good morning! What's this?"
She gently grabs the drink from you and takes a sip, eyelids fluttering shut as she savors the taste of perfectly made tea. When she opens her eyes a moment later to thank you, she sees that you're already looking at her with a soft smile and nervous eyes, breath catching in her throat.
"Good?"
It takes a moment for her to register your question, eyes darting in every direction but yours before she clears her throat. "Yes! It's perfect, thank you."
That’s been happening more and more frequently as of late; you'd give her a big smile or laugh at something she said and her stomach would flip a certain way. She had been concerned at first, not having felt anything like it before, but she soon realized that it didn't feel unpleasant, only...different.
"Whew, okay, I was nervous 'cause I tried making it exactly how you do, but the break room was out of your usual sweetener so—"
"You know my usual sweetener?"
You feel as if you've been caught doing something wrong, but a simple shrug is all you give her before saying, "I've seen you make it a few times now. I figured it would give you a couple extra minutes to talk to your first patient before Robby starts nagging you."
Samira stands there stunned for a couple seconds, lips parting and eyebrows furrowing in amazement. "That's so thoughtful."
Bumping her shoulder with yours, you shoot her a wink and a smile before grabbing a tablet and heading down the hall to check on your own patients. "What are friends for, right?"
Right. Friends.
Which is exactly what you are, she reminds herself.
When you first started working here almost a year ago, your friendly, infectious personality was a welcome change of pace among the team, and you quickly became the glue everyone could rely on to deal with difficult patients or just be a listening ear. You and Trinity had gotten close right away, finding out you were both lesbians making for immediate camaraderie, and that led to other members of the staff, namely Victoria, Mel, and Whitaker, also coming out.
That left Samira as the odd man out of your little group, but no one seemed to mind, always making sure to include her in your hangouts and constantly joking that every gay friend group needed a mandatory ally. That used to always get a laugh of agreement out of her, but the last couple months haven't felt the same, and she was having a difficult time pinpointing why.
The first half of the shift passes quickly, the staff working in a fluid, well-oiled manner and the main group of you finding time to chat amongst yourselves in between caring for patients. A few hours later, Samira walks into the break room and sees you laughing with Victoria, Mel and Whitaker.
"What are you guys talking about?" She questions with a smile, grabbing some water from the shared fridge. You offer her your bag of chips, waiting until she's grabbed a couple before responding. "We're trying to figure out our pride plans, I didn't realize it's already next weekend."
Samira makes a noise of surprise in the back of her throat, eyebrows raising at the admission as she leans against the counter. "Right! I forgot about that."
She notices that you're looking at her with a calculating gaze, head slightly cocked to the side. "Have any plans?"
Shaking her head, she swallows a mouthful of water before answering. "Nothing yet. To be honest, I've never actually...been to Pride before."
You and the others gasp, eyes going comically wide at the news. The reactions have the desired effect, making the curly headed woman laugh and shake her head fondly while softly telling you all to quiet down.
At that moment, Trinity walks in the room and asks what's going on. Once Victoria explains the conversation, the resident only shakes her head and claps a hand on Samira's shoulder.
"Honestly, don't even worry about it. Huckleberry's actually gay and he's never been."
Whitaker then snaps his head up from the sandwich he's currently stuffing into his mouth, a muffled, "How did you know that?" coming from his direction.
"Nebraska doesn't exactly seem like the pride capital of the world," Trinity tells him through a laugh.
Shrugging in defeated agreement, the man goes back to his lunch as you look at Samira and wait until she makes eye contact. "Well, we don't have anything specific locked in yet, but...do you want to go with us? We're gonna do all three days, head out Friday after we get off, Saturday go to the picnic then out to the club, and then probably the parade on Sunday. If you're down."
Samira thinks it over for a second, taking in the hopeful looks on everyone's face before nodding her head and saying, "Yeah." She quickly adds, "I'd like that."
That's all it takes for the rest of you to cheer, immediately switching to discussing outfits and where to meet. Samira finds herself unable to tear her eyes away from your grinning face, something curling in her gut at the thought of spending an entire weekend with you.
The next few hours pass by in a breeze, mostly filled with your friends coordinating plans and Samira trying to stay focused on her work. Towards the end of the shift, as she exits a patient's room, a hand shoots out to lightly grab her arm. Samira spins around, eyes widening in surprise as they land on you.
"Hey, can I borrow you for a sec?"
She nods in agreement, assuming it’s something patient related. It's not until you've steered her into an empty stairwell that she finally speaks, a nervous feeling creeping up her back. "What's up?"
"Uh, well..." You hesitate for a second, looking conflicted, before locking eyes with her and saying, "I just wanted to check in with you, see how you were feeling about the whole pride thing." Samira's brows scrunch together in confusion, mind racing to try and understand your train of thought until she sees that you're fidgeting with the hem of your scrub top. "You know...since you've never been before. I just wanted to make sure you'd be comfortable and not, uh, overwhelmed or anything. Or like we were pressuring you into going, I know you're not generally one for going out, so if you don't want to, you don't have to."
The other woman blinks at you, brain taking a moment to process your words before a slow exhale leaves her. Suddenly, the concern you're showing for her seems to make a lot more sense. She lets out a soft chuckle and gives you a reassuring smile. "Are you worried about me?"
The question catches you off guard, and a warm feeling spreads through your cheeks. You shift uncomfortably on the spot, averting your gaze before admitting, "Well, yeah. I mean, it's gonna be a lot to take in, y'know?" Samira's smile softens even more, a fondness blossoming in her chest that she tries to ignore, instead focusing on the concern you're so freely displaying for her well-being.
"I'll be fine, I promise." She hesitates for just a moment before reaching out to give your hand a brief but firm squeeze, the contact sending a spark of electricity up her arm. "Besides, I'll have you all there with me, right?"
Her words cause your expression to immediately relax, any trepidation melting away at the trust in her eyes. The corner of your mouth quirks up into a crooked smile as you give her hand a quick squeeze back. "Yeah, of course. We'll take care of you."
Samira can't help the way her heart skips a beat at the reassurance, and she tries to distract herself by making a shooing gesture with her free hand. "Alright, alright, get back to work. Robby's probably about to bust a vein looking for us." You laugh at the comment, a bright, bubbly sound that goes straight to her head, but then you drop her hand and head back through the doorway, throwing a wave over your shoulder as you do.
The brunette takes a moment longer to linger in the stairwell, watching as your face lights up when Dana stops you to say something she can't make out through the window in the door. Shaking her head to clear it of those thoughts, she pinches the bridge of her nose and takes a deep breath before pushing past the same entrance, doing her best to ignore how she can still feel the sensation of your hand in hers.
The rest of that week and the next fly by, suddenly it's the Friday evening of Pride weekend and Samira is buzzing with anticipation as she knocks on the dark wooden door in front of her. Everyone had decided to stay over at your apartment for this weekend, for it was both the closest to the festivities they wanted to attend and had the most room. Mel was the only one not joining until Sunday, as she wasn't a fan of bars and felt bad being away from Becca for that many days.
A few seconds pass before the door swings inward to reveal you, clad in a comfy pair of shorts and loose t-shirt, skin still a bit damp from a seemingly recent shower. An excited “You made it!” reaches her ears, but Samira has to fight to keep her eyes from roaming over your form, swallowing hard and licking her suddenly dry lips before she finds her voice. "Hi. Is everyone else here already?"
"Nope, you're the first one." You engulf her in a hug that she barely reciprocates before pulling away and taking her bag from her, registering but not commenting on the death grip she has on it. "Come on in, I just finished cleaning up."
She follows you inside, eyes immediately traveling over the room and taking in every detail. It's exactly what she would have expected from you: cozy, comfortable, a bit eclectic, with a few books, journals, and personal projects lying around. Seeing this other side of you brings a soft smile to her face before she realizes it and schools her expression, instead focusing on you setting her bag down next to the couch.
"So," you start, standing up straight and clasping your hands together, "I was gonna wait 'til everyone got here to pick but I'll give you first dibs." Samira raises her eyebrows in anticipation of your next sentence.
"For sleeping arrangements, two people can fit on the couch, and I have a blowup mattress that fits one, I usually put it where the coffee table is." Nodding along, the other woman is doing the math in her head, noting that that's three spots so far for the four of them staying over. "And for whoever wants to, one person can sleep in the room with me." A wide smile rests on your lips as that statement causes the opposite reaction in Samira. "Pick wherever you feel comfortable, the couch and air mattress are super soft, I promise. I just figured since you're here early, I'd give you a heads up."
Her heartbeat quickens as she processes the options. The idea of sleeping in the same room as you is enough to make her palms sweaty, but the thought of crawling into bed next to you, mere feet away, has her stomach tied in knots. "Um..." she hesitates, clearing her throat to find her voice. "I think I'll just take the couch, if that's alright." It takes a lot more effort than she'd like to admit to keep her tone nonchalant.
With a nod and a simple, "Sounds good," you don't seem phased by her answer, and she finds herself confused at the slight feeling of disappointment she feels that you were just checking to see if she was comfortable and not trying to hint at anything. Your phone buzzes then, and you grab it from the table to check the message. "Oh, that's Whitaker! Him, Trinity, and Victoria will be here in a few minutes."
Heading into the kitchen, you begin laying out snacks before digging through the fridge and cabinet until you find what you're looking for, returning with a tall bottle of clear liquid and five shot glasses in hand, holding a finger in each of them. "You want anything to chase? I have limes and juice in the fridge."
"A lime is good for me, thanks." Samira raises an eyebrow as you place it all on the coffee table and begin to pour the drinks. "Wow, you really came prepared, huh?" She stands and moves closer, peering over your shoulder to get a better look, immediately recognizing the tequila's familiar scent.
"Yeah, of course, it's the first time everyone is over my place, I wanna make sure we all have a good time." You chuckle as you glance behind you, and the brunette swears there's a certain look in your eye as you do before there's a loud knock at the front door.
"That'll be the rest of them." As you pad over and swing it open, loud greetings ring down the hallway, Samira laying eyes on the trio and embracing them all as if they hadn't seen each other barely an hour ago.
"Now that we're all here,” you announce, “I think it's time for our first shot."
Whitaker and Victoria groan as Trinity cheers and slips her bag off her shoulder. "That's what I'm talking about!"
Samira can't hold back a chuckle at their antics, standing next to the couch and watching with amusement as the four of you follow and move around the coffee table with practiced ease. Her heart rate climbs as you grab the lime slice she asked for before rounding the furniture and standing in front of her, a lopsided smile on your face. "As requested."
She accepts the glass and lime with a small thanks, her hand brushing against yours in the process and leaving her fingers tingling. She's about to say something else when an arm loops around her shoulders, Trinity stepping up behind her and leaning in close, winking at her in a playful gesture. "Get ready Mohan, you're about to have the weekend of your life." She squeezes Samira to her side, an action that both distracts her from the anxiety growing in her chest and causes her excitement to rise.
By this time, you're across the table, shot glass raised in hand as everyone follows suit, waiting for you to lead the charge. "To us. Happy pride, guys." Resounding cheers fills the room and everyone downs their portion, a couple gags being heard, quickly followed by laughs from you and Trinity.
"Yikes." Samira quickly sticks the lime into her mouth and bites down, relieved when the citrus erases some of the bitter taste. Despite the initial burn, she can't help but let out a laugh at the reaction of the others, and her body automatically relaxes in Trinity's grasp.
"Wait." Everyone turns to look at the green eyed woman who is now pointing at you. "We need to decide who's sleeping where."
"Well, Samira already called dibs on the couch, so there's still another spot there, the air mattress, or the room with me."
"I got the bed!" Trinity immediately drops her arm from around Samira and moves to grab her bag, tossing it over her shoulder as she runs into the bedroom. Whitaker only sighs as he nods his head and mumbles, "Guess I'll take the couch again."
When Trinity returns moments later, she has her hands on her hips and a triumphant smile on her face. "That mattress is so fuckin' comfy, it's nicer than mine."
Everyone laughs at her statement, and Samira turns to Whitaker, eyebrow twitching. "You've been here before?" He simply nods, and Trinity jumps in to elaborate. "We've crashed more than once after a night out."
Samira lets out a forced laugh, a strange streak of jealousy hitting her as she fiddles with her hands, eyes finding their way to yours and finding that they're already staring back. Victoria must notice it, as she clears her throat and says, "I don't think we established yet; who's sleeping on the air mattress? "
"Mm, sounds like you, Crash." Trinity claps a hand on her shoulder with a faux sympathetic pout before Whitaker intervenes and offers to switch with her. "You can have the couch if you want, it's really comfy actually."
"Are you sure? Isn't the mattress kind of small for you?" Victoria objects, feeling bad for the man.
"I don't mind, I got used to it growing up, and I don't move in my sleep, so I'll be okay."
You let an easy smile cross your face at the interaction, watching as Whitaker makes his way over to the couch and takes a seat, testing out the cushion and giving a nod of approval.
"Alright, that sounds like everyone's situated then. Let's start getting ready so we can be out of here by ten." Walking towards the closed door next your room, you gesture to it as you tell everyone, “This is the bathroom in case anyone needs, there’s a decent sized mirror in here, along with the big one next to the couch and the one in my room.” After telling everyone where to find water and the rest of the snacks, you head into your bedroom and close the door, changing into your outfit for the night.
Samira's eyes briefly glance in that direction, wondering what you'll appear in. She shakes her head to try and clear that thought, focusing back on the task at hand and heading into the bathroom. Why does everything have to be so confusing lately?
She looks around quickly, not wanting to be nosy, before taking in her reflection. The outfit she chose earlier is simple and comfortable, but she's beginning to doubt her choice now.
After spending a couple minutes walking in circles and trying to hype herself up for the night ahead, she does a final check in the mirror and leaves the bathroom, walking to the living area to see what the others are wearing. Their outfits are colorful and show off their personalities, even Whitaker putting the effort in with a nice polo and well fitting jeans.
She's broken out of her thoughts a few moments later as Trinity steps out of the bedroom and gives her an enthusiastic whistle. "Okay, looking good, Mohan."
The curly haired woman feels a small swell of confidence at the compliment and shoots her friend a half smile. "Thanks, you too. Your shirt is perfect." Trinity winks and twirls for good measure, causing Samira to let out a small giggle.
"Now come on, it's time for touch ups." The two of them along with Victoria are standing in front of the large mirror next to the couch when the door behind them opens and you step out.
The three turn to see you approach, all of their eyes taking in your outfit for the evening. It's simple but flattering, so perfectly your style, and Samira feels that confusing but familiar tug in her stomach.
You lean against the couch, crossing your arms and observing the trio of women in front of you. Trinity speaks up first, raising an eyebrow and saying, "You look hot as fuck, dude." You laugh and wave off the compliment with a, "I've worn this before, I'm not trying to do anything crazy." They all chuckle and turn their attention back to what they were doing, a certain brown pair stealing glances through the mirror.
“We all look amazing, actually. If none of us kiss a stranger tonight, I’ll be shocked,” Trinity jokes.
The thought makes Samira’s skin crawl, but she convinces herself that it’s the idea of kissing a random person that makes her feel that way. "Okay, I think it's time for a second shot now!" The curly haired woman surprises herself with the announcement, but she knows she needs a little more liquid courage before they head out.
Trinity cheers, immediately grabbing the bottle off the kitchen table and filling up the group's glasses. You hold yours up, waiting for everyone to do the same before saying, "To lots of fun and making good memories this weekend." After a resounding cheer, you all throw them back quickly and go back to preparing.
A short while later, the entire group is almost ready and looking to call a car to take you to your destination. Victoria is snacking on some chips she found in your cabinet as her and Whitaker are talking about some movie coming out soon, and Samira is looking past them with the faintest pout on her lips, catching your attention.
At that exact moment, Trinity looks up from her phone with a grin, announcing that their driver is on the way. She and Whitaker head to the front door to put on their shoes, while you lean against the side of the couch to get in Samira's line of sight. "Everything all good? You’ve been kind of quiet."
She jolts a bit at the question and being pulled out of her thoughts, not having realized what she was doing. Her first instinct is to brush it off but she's never been good at lying to you. "I'm alright, just a little nervous, I guess."
Nodding your head in understanding, you give her a genuine smile and raise your pinky between you. "I'll be by your side the whole time, and if at any point you wanna leave, we will, no questions asked. I pinky promise."
A wave of relief washes over her at your words, the intensity of her earlier discomfort immediately lessening from your presence and reassurance. She smiles and raises her own hand, linking her pinky with yours and gently pulling them towards her so you're just a bit closer. "Okay. I trust you."
The two of you hold each other's gaze for longer than necessary, your heart stuttering just so at the look in her eyes. Before anything else can happen, Trinity's voice rips through the moment, yelling for you to get your asses outside.
Samira snaps her eyes away from yours and rushes to pull her shoes on, mentally cursing Trinity, and herself even more so for wanting to let whatever had just happened go further, blaming the alcohol flowing through her veins. The five of you pile into the SUV waiting at the curb downstairs, and the ride to the bar is filled with animated conversation between the whole group, the nerves Samira felt earlier having mostly faded in the warm atmosphere.
Despite it being just past ten, the streets are extremely crowded, with pride flags everywhere you look and music spilling from almost every building. You eventually reach the club and step out of the vehicle, the line leading into the building already stretching down the block. Trinity, ever the smooth talker, immediately walks up to the bouncer, not wasting any time to get you all inside.
You follow close behind, noticing the way Samira's eyes flit around trying to take everything in, and you reach out to interlock your fingers and give her hand a gentle squeeze, hoping to ground her in the overwhelming atmosphere. She shoots you a grateful smile and squeezes back, letting herself be led through the club and towards the bar.
Music blares loudly around you and the neon lights of the club have you blinking rapidly to adjust. Trinity leads the way easily, slipping through the crowded dance floor and making a beeline to the counter to start giving drink orders to the busy bartender. The rest of you gather around in a circle, laughing as Whitaker starts to dance to the beat of the song pumping through the speakers.
Trinity taps your shoulder a short while later to ask for your help with the shots, shoving one in Whitaker's hand to get him to stop his "moves." After they're all handed out and downed, Trinity yells over the music, "Let's hit the floor before getting the next round, I'm already buzzing and I need to dance." Whitaker sighs dramatically at her words but she pays him no mind, grabbing his wrist and dragging him into the crowded mass of people.
The youngest of your friends follows them, holding one of your hands as the other drags Samira behind you, her inhibitions lowering the further she walks. When your group reaches a small pocket of the dance floor, you spread out a bit, twirling each other and letting the beat guide you.
Trinity and Victoria immediately start dancing together, smiles wide and moves fluid, showing that this is something they've done before. They're pressed close, hands on each other's hips, and Samira watches them with wide eyes as she dances alone. You take a moment to look at her, taking in the entranced look in her eyes and the bit of a shine on her cheeks. You find yourself moving toward her and grabbing one of her hands to spin her around, grinning as she lets out a bit of a yelp then stumbles, her back now pressed against your front.
"You having fun?" You have to lean down to speak in her ear, the music too loud to hear you otherwise. She nods in response and gives your hands a squeeze where they're resting just above her hips, the feeling bringing butterflies to your own stomach.
The pair of you stay in that position for a while before you break the silence. “Look. Whitaker found a dance partner.”
Samira turns her head to find what you’re talking about, seeing your friend talking to a very cute guy, one set of hands interlocked as the mystery man has his other on the small of Whitaker’s back.
“Good for him,” she smiles, her mood brightening even more. The two of you continue watching the other pair and cooing at how compatible they seem, happy for your friend.
You both begin swaying your bodies together in time with the beat, her shoulders moving with every breath and the action causing the front of her body to press ever so slightly into you. The brunette’s head begins to spin as your warmth envelopes her more and more, mind going blank from the pounding music and strong drink. You feel her hips push further into you and your fingers flex in response, suddenly feeling the overwhelming urge to hold her tighter, your movements becoming more intimate in the hot, hazy atmosphere.
Samira feels an exhale brush over the shell of her ear, thoughts clouded and heart racing. The sensation of your chest moving with every breath distracts her, her own pulse thundering so hard she wouldn’t be surprised if you could feel it too. A jolt of pleasure shoots up her spine as your hand grazes her stomach, a small gasp escaping her and you almost miss it in the music.
You definitely notice the sound, leaning down further so your lips are hovering right over the skin of her neck, breath coming out in slow, deliberate puffs. She shivers at the feeling, body shifting closer to yours as her breathing gets shallower. Your thumb starts tracing small, slow circles above her hip bone, trying to not get swallowed up by the moment.
When your nose grazes the edge of her collarbone, you realize how close you are and pull back just enough that there's a couple of inches between your bodies. Samira subconsciously follows, grabbing both of your hands and placing them on her shoulders as she continues swaying. Taking that as a cue that you're not overstepping, you bring your bodies together once more, feeling her begin to rub your knuckles with her thumbs.
The song changes then, something more upbeat starting up. Despite the urge to continue dancing, your head is starting to spin and you need a break before you do something drastic.
"Let's grab that next round." You speak directly into her ear, voice barely loud enough to be heard over the music. She nods, and you reluctantly pull away to guide her towards the spot in front of the bar where Trinity is already ordering more shots.
Samira feels the loss of your presence immediately but shakes it off, trying to keep her mind clear in the alcohol and oxytocin fueled haze. Your green eyed friend has a knowing smirk on her face when she sees the two of you approaching, shooting you a wink that confuses the woman next to you. Whitaker has a similar look on his face, but you ignore them both in favor of grabbing two of the small glasses that have already arrived.
Handing one to Samira, you clink the glasses together before the five of you throw them back quickly, the burn in your throat becoming more and more pleasant with every passing second. As you place the empty container on the counter, Trinity moves it towards the bartender and takes your hand, pulling you back out onto the dance floor that is now even more crowded than before.
Your little group finds a pocket within the throng of people, a slight sheen of sweat covering all of you as the night progresses and the drinks continue to flow, strangers who think your friends are cute offering to foot the bills. Trinity and Victoria are back at it, dancing together as Whitaker throws his head back and laughs, his arms moving every which way with no rhythm whatsoever.
You're swaying yourself just slightly, letting the alcohol and vibe of the surrounding crowd carry you. You notice Samira watching the two girls again, this time with her bottom lip pulled into her mouth as she stares and tries to mirror their movements a bit, and you can't help but smile at the look of concentration on her face. Your hands move on their own accord, resting on her hips with your fingers lightly gripping the material of her shirt.
She lets out a small groan at the unexpected contact, eyes fluttering closed briefly before she can stop herself. The moment they reopen, however, they land on yours and she lets her head tilt to the side, biting her lip harder than before as she takes you in, mind whirling from the close proximity. A smile tugs at the corner of your mouth as you take in the shine in her eyes, your thumbs rubbing soft circles across her waist.
You can see her swallow hard, her eyes flitting down to your lips before going back to hold your gaze, your heart starting to beat rapidly as she leans forward. She has her right hand resting on your hip now, fingers grazing across the fabric there and your tongue grazes your bottom lip in response. She sucks in a quiet breath at the action, moving even closer and pressing her chest flush to yours. As soon as you think she's going to do something else, you feel an arm throw itself around your shoulder, shattering the moment.
"I love you guys so much!"
Victoria has wrapped herself around both you and Samira, a huge grin on her face but barely able to keep her eyes open, and you know she's past her limit.
Samira stiffens as the moment between you two has ended, a feeling of disappointment spreading through her body. She sees how Victoria is now clinging to you, and in turn, you're helping hold the younger girl up. Samira's mind is racing and a thousand thoughts flash through her head before she pushes them all away to focus on the situation at hand. "Looks like someone's had a bit too much to drink, huh?"
Right then, Trinity rushes up to the three of you with an exasperated look on her face. "What the hell, Crash?!"
Looking over at you, she wears an apologetic expression before explaining that she took Victoria to get some water, but when she turned around, she had disappeared. The short haired woman then leans in to whisper something in your ear that causes you to quickly glance over at Samira before looking around at the crowd, causing her eyes to narrow slightly.
"I think that's our cue to leave, we should find Whitaker and head back to my place," you call out to her.
"Yeah, that's a good idea," Samira responds meekly. In spite of herself, her body slumps, all the confidence and excitement from earlier vanished, and instead replaced with anxiety and uncertainty. She finds herself avoiding your eyes as she tries to keep her expression neutral and looks around for your missing friend.
It takes a few minutes, but you and Trinity eventually find Whitaker standing by the bar, chatting up another guy. He notices you both approach and excuses himself, coming to stand between you.
"Whatcha guys up to?" He says, a lazy smile on his face and a red tint to his skin.
You raise an amused eyebrow at how relaxed he seems, giving him a once over before speaking. "We're headed out, Vic's pretty wasted so we're gonna call it a night."
Trinity chimes in to add, "Plus, it's getting pretty late as it is." Whitaker groans at the statement but nods his head and agrees, saying goodbye to the man he was talking to and slinging an arm around your shoulder. You all walk towards the exit together, squeezing through the crowd of people, and the cool air hits you as you emerge onto the sidewalk outside.
Luckily, a car had already been called and is pulling up to the curb as you walk towards the street, everyone piling in and making sure the baby of the group is doing okay. The ride back to your place is mostly filled with Whitaker and Trinity's lively conversation, the pair going back and forth and trying to keep a mostly silent Samira involved. She manages to add a couple comments here and there, eyes darting to you as discreetly as she can manage while keeping Victoria from slumping against her seatbelt.
Upon arriving, you and Trinity manage to get her upstairs without issue, and as soon as your front door is open, the two of you lay her on the couch to begin taking off her shoes.
Victoria groans in protest at her situation, a pout on her lips as she tries to swat your hands away from the straps on her heels. You chuckle and swat her back, telling her, "You'll thank us in the morning."
"Not fair," she grumbles as you both successfully take her shoes off and toss them to the side.
Whitaker takes this opportunity to go through his bedtime routine and tuck himself into bed, and you're glad you thought to blow up the air mattress before you all left.
After some convincing, and a bit of manhandling, Trinity manages to get the youngest into the bathroom to brush her teeth and change into comfier clothes. When Victoria makes her way back out, this time in sweatpants and a t-shirt that swallows her small frame, you help her settle onto the couch and pull a blanket over her. She buries her face into the pillow and murmurs a quiet, "Thank you," to the two of you, and you smooth her hair down in response.
Turning around to walk over towards the two women now standing in the kitchen, you jerk a thumb over your shoulder and ask, "Does anyone need to use the bathroom before I hop in the shower?"
Trinity's eyes widen like she just realized something and nods before making a beeline to the door and shutting it. You let out a soft laugh as you realize that you're left alone with Samira for the first time since you were interrupted earlier.
Watching her for a moment, you intend to crack a joke like you usually would, but the look on her face tells you not to. "So...how did you like the club?" The hesitation in your voice makes you internally cringe, you've never felt this awkward around her before but the tension between you was new, so you were navigating it as best you could.
The question catches Samira off guard and she flounders for a moment before managing to stammer out a response. "Yeah, the, uh...it was cool. Lots of people," she tries weakly and almost winces at her own words, a heavy atmosphere settling over the room.
At that moment, Trinity finally emerges from the bathroom, clutching her stomach as she grabs a water bottle from the bridge. "I had to piss so bad earlier and I forgot until you said something." That finally cracks both you and Samira, the two of you laughing at your friend's candor.
Trinity takes a deep breath, shaking her head playfully before joining in on the giggles. "TMI, I know, but I was gonna burst."
Samira waves a hand in front of herself, saying, "No, no, it's fine. I get it." She smiles warmly, some of the tension draining out of her shoulders, and a yawn comes out of nowhere, causing her to clap a hand over her mouth.
You let out an exaggerated gasp and point at her with mock outrage. "Are you tired, Samira?"
She shoots you a playful glare in return, rolling her eyes and telling you to shut up.
"Well, I happen to be pretty sleepy myself, so can I hop in the shower first?" Trinity looks between the two of you with a playful smile, and you narrow your eyes at her before nodding your head towards the hallway. "Try not to use up all the hot water. Again."
The short haired woman calls out, “Oh my god, that was one time, let it go!” as she shuts the door.
Samira catches on, a frown adorning her lips that she quickly dampens when you look her way. She hadn’t realized just how close you and Trinity were, and it throws her for a loop.
Smiling politely, she pulls out her phone and begins scrolling through social media, trying to push away the almost jealous feeling creeping into her mind. When it's clear that the other woman isn't going to make an effort to speak to you, you excuse yourself to the patio, grabbing a hoodie on your way.
As soon as you're gone, Samira cradles her head in her hands, frustrated for not being able to get a hold of herself and say something to you. Gaze dragging to the glass door you just exited, a multitude of scenarios float around her mind, and none of them are something she wants to think about at the moment.
Trinity reemerges from the bathroom while the curly haired woman is still sitting at the kitchen table, looking spaced out and aggravated all at once. "Shower's all yours if you want it."
Brown eyes trail up to meet her friend's, and she forces out a smile and a quiet thanks before rising from her seat and trudging over to the hallway, her peripheral vision catching how Trinity opens the patio door and joins you outside.
When Samira finishes her shower, she walks out to see you and Trinity sitting at the kitchen table talking, and elects to head over to the patio instead of joining the two of you. The fresh air helps her clear her head a bit, and though she'd rather be having this internal battle by herself at home, she doesn't want to bail on the joint plans you've all made for the weekend.
You can't say it didn't make you a bit nervous that Samira chose not to hang out with you and Trinity, but you remind yourself that not everything is about you and that she could have a completely different reason for doing so. Looking around and realizing you're the last one left to wash up, you head to the bathroom with your towel in hand, ready to end the day and start anew in the morning.
Flashes of the night echo through your head as you pull your shirt over your head to get ready for your shower. The moment the water touches your skin, you close your eyes and try to focus solely on the heat running down your back, but the image of Samira avoiding your eyes and her lack of conversation flaunts itself over and over at the forefront of your mind. Frustrated, you turn the water as cold as it'll go.
Once you're done, you quickly dry off and get dressed, eager to get into bed and slip into unconsciousness. Slinging the towel over your shoulder, you swing open the door only to bump into the woman you couldn't stop thinking about.
You're caught off guard by the sudden impact, and your hand reflexively lands on her hip, both of you taking a moment to steady yourselves. Realizing how close your bodies are, you find your gaze being pulled down to her own, and your hand slips back to your side, the loss of contact causing her to shiver.
It's the first time you've been this close to her since outside the club, and you're struck by two things. The first being a scent coming off her skin, a subtle combination of the lotion she uses mixed with her own natural scent. The second being the look in her eyes.
"Sorry, I was about to knock and see if anyone was in there."
You take half a step back, clearing your throat and taking a moment to respond. "No worries, I was just finishing up." Your eyes stay on her a moment longer, taking in the way her shirt falls from her shoulders before moving to the small bit of exposed midriff, a light dusting of goosebumps appearing on her skin.
Reaching a hand out, you stop just short of her waist before slipping around her to head towards the kitchen, suddenly in need of water. You grab a glass but don't even bother filling it up before taking a long drink directly from the faucet, willing yourself to calm down. You've never felt this out of control around her before, but after blurring the boundaries earlier, you're not sure what to feel.
At the same moment, Samira locks herself in the bathroom, taking a deep breath as she grips the sinks with both hands. What is happening right now, she thinks to herself.
Despite her efforts to stay focused, her mind is racing. Everything today has been so confusing, and she can still feel where your hand was caressing her, a small shiver crawling down her spine and causing her to squeeze the sink harder.
She can't even remember what she came in here for, moving to sit on the toilet instead. When she exits the bathroom a few minutes later, her eyes have to adjust to the dim lighting of the living room, seeing you sitting on the couch scrolling on your phone. Seeing a lack of Trinity makes her assume the woman has already gone to bed, and she takes in the sight of a sleeping Victoria and Whitaker, a small smile spreading onto her face at seeing how surprisingly peaceful they look.
"Oh, you're done."
Standing up and meeting her halfway, you gesture behind you to where you were just seated. "I set up a blanket and pillow for you, there's extra in the basket on the other side of the couch if you need." Looking around, you tell her, "You know where to find the water and all that, but if you need anything else, just come in the room and wake me up, I'm a pretty heavy sleeper so it might take a couple tries."
She's struck by how casually you're able to act, and she tells herself that your ability to ignore the earlier awkwardness means that she should be able to do the same.
"Right. Okay, thanks." She nods, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth as she tries to find the words to apologize for her earlier awkwardness, but they don't come, so she only watches as you cross the room to close the curtains in front of the sliding door and walk towards your room before turning around.
"Good night, Samira. Sweet dreams."
A part of her wants to say something to make you stay, but she swallows that down before simply nodding.
"Night," she responds softly, her own words feeling foreign to her ears. With that, you give her a smile that makes her stomach flip and disappear into your room, closing the door behind you.
The moment you're gone, she lets out a breath she didn't know she was holding, and moves to flop face first into her designated pillow, causing Victoria to groan next to her. When the girl's snores become audible, Samira rolls onto her back, staring at the dark ceiling and willing for sleep to come rescue her.
The next morning, she wakes to the sound of crackling, eyes bleary as she raises a hand to rub the drowsiness from them. Smelling the distinct aroma of pancakes, she sits up, letting the blanket slip from her shoulders just as you turn around to begin placing plates on the kitchen table.
Eyes flicking up as you register movement from the living room, a bright smile overtakes your features, causing Samira to mirror it on instinct.
"Morning, sleepyhead."
The continuing ease of your demeanor from last night causes some of her lingering anxiety to fade, so she gives you a real smile as she stands up and pads over to the kitchen table. "Morning. Guess I was more tired than I thought.''
You point at the pancakes on the table, giving her a playful look in the process. "Grab some breakfast, it'll help you wake up."
"Right, let me brush my teeth first."
As Samira leaves to the bathroom, you hear your bedroom door open and a pair of footsteps thumping until they stop directly behind you and you feel a forehead press against the back of your neck.
"Please tell me you have headache medicine."
Turning to look over your shoulder, you catch a sliver of Trinity's hair and chuckle before facing to the stove. "Yeah, it should be in the medicine cabinet in the bathroom."
She lets out a low grunt but doesn't move from her current position, leaving you stuck in place as you continue cooking.
"Oh. Good morning, Trinity."
Your friend finally stands up and turns around to see Samira standing at the kitchen table, looking at the pair of you with a tight lipped smile, nothing like the one she had on a minute ago.
Trinity's eyebrow raises almost imperceptibly before smiling at the other woman warmly, observing the rigid way Samira's standing. She walks closer until she's a few feet away before telling her, "Morning. I hope you slept well."
Samira's smile becomes genuine as she seems to remember something, before taking a seat in the empty chair to the right of your designated one. "I did, thank you."
Whitaker and Javadi wake up soon after, and when Trinity returns, the four of them sit down to enjoy the fruit of your labor while you quickly wipe down the counter. As you take your seat next to Samira, you slide a mug in front of her before reaching out to grab a couple of pancakes for your own plate. "Your tea."
It takes her a second to realize you made her specific concoction in your own home, and her stomach flutters at the thought. You then tell everyone to dig in before the food gets cold, but as Samira does, she can only think of how since that morning last week, you began having the drink ready for her at the beginning of every shift without fail. And now you're doing the same outside of work.
Her heart palpitates at the possibilities.
Shaking her head to stop from overthinking it further, she tunes back into the conversation around her, looking at each of her friend's faces and reminding herself to enjoy the moment and the presence of her favorite people.
She slips into the discussion easily after that, Trinity and Whitaker teasing Victoria for her behavior the night before and the younger woman whining in embarrassment as you laugh and tell them to leave her alone. Soon enough, breakfast is wrapping up and everyone disperses to begin getting ready for the day.
As you head to your room, you see Samira out of the corner of your eye heading into the bathroom with a stack of clothes. When she emerges a few minutes later, she peeks into your room, looking around before turning towards the living room.
"You need something?"
"Oh, I was just, um, looking for Trinity."
"She just went down to grab something from her car, she should be back soon." You quirk an eyebrow at your friend, taking in the nervous look on her face and the way she fiddles with her thumb. "Everything okay?"
"Yeah! Nothing to worry about." Her smile doesn't reach her eyes, but you don't push any further.
Less than a minute later, the aforementioned woman walks through the front door and Samira makes a beeline for her.
"Hey, I know it's last minute, but would you...happen to have an extra outfit? All the ones I brought are pretty simple, I didn't realize everyone would be dressed so nice."
Trinity clutches both of Samira's hands in her own and squeezes her eyes shut before bowing her head and whispering something to herself. The curly haired woman stands there confused before her friend looks back up with a gleam in her eye and a huge grin.
"You have no idea how long I've waited for this day."
She drags Samira to your room, grabbing her luggage and rifling through her belongings. "I literally packed extra clothes for you and Javadi just in case."
Right then, you fail to stifle a giggle, and Samira feels her cheeks warm.
"Yes! This is perfect." Standing up and spinning around, Trinity holds up two pieces of pink fabric, closing one eye as she pictures how it will look together. "Okay, try this on and let me know if you like it."
Samira slowly makes her way to the bathroom before seeing that the door is closed and purses her lips before moving off to the side to wait.
"Dennis just went in, he said he might be a while," Victoria calls from the living room.
"Here, you can change in here, we'll leave." You move from your spot by the nightstand and head towards the door, grabbing Trinity who shoots the other woman an encouraging smile and a thumbs up on the way.
After slipping the borrowed clothes on, Samira stands in front of the long mirror in your bedroom, adjusting the strap of her top and taking a deep breath to steady herself. The fabric feels soft and almost intimate on her skin, clinging to her form in a way she's unaccustomed to. A wave of self-consciousness washes over her, and she nervously heads out to the living room to get the others’ opinion on her outfit.
"Shit."
Your low curse goes unnoticed by her, but she looks up from fiddling with her waistband to see the four people in the living room staring at her with wide eyes. She lets out a nervous laugh and rubs the back of her neck. "Too much?"
Trinity and Victoria's jaws hang open for a few seconds, before they're both shaking their heads vehemently.
"That color is perfect on you." Trinity finally responds, beaming with pride and her comment snaps you out of your stupor.
Whitaker and Victoria both compliment her immediately after, smiling at the change in her usual look before Samira's eyes land on you.
"You look...really nice."
Despite the overwhelming support of the others, it's your words that cause a warm fuzzy feeling to spread through her stomach. She bites her lip and looks down, mumbling a shy 'thank you' before her head shoots up as she tries to act unaffected.
"We should head out, the picnic is gonna fill up pretty fast and I wanna get a good spot," Trinity announces to the group, standing from the couch and raising her eyebrows at you before discreetly nodding her head in Samira's direction, causing you to roll your eyes.
Gathering your supplies by the door, you walk out one by one and make your way out of the building before heading down the sidewalk towards the park. Luckily, the first of today's events was within walking distance of your place, which saved you time trying to find parking.
Upon arriving, your group sets up an ample amount of space, laying down blankets and pulling out the food you prepared. As the others go about setting up, Samira stands to the side unsure of how to help with the process, watching as the rest of you move around, laughing and chatting.
She feels Trinity poke her in the side playfully, causing her to jump and turn. Following her line of sight, Samira's gaze lands on you and Trinity clears her throat. "Maybe you should go lend a hand."
She hesitates for a moment, wondering if you'll actually want her help, but with another nudge from her friend, she finally decides to step up and approach. "Hey, need any help with anything?"
Looking up towards the sun, you squint a bit before smiling and waving Samira closer. "Yeah, you wanna help me set up the little tent?"
Samira breathes a sigh of relief, always worried about going where she's not wanted but happy to be of assistance. "Sure thing."
You both crouch down next to the picnic spot and begin unloading a small tent and a couple of poles. Samira looks around the area, noting the number of people also beginning to settle in for the festivities. A few minutes pass in comfortable silence as the two of you construct your little makeshift shelter, and you miss the way the brunette steals glances at you every so often.
Soon, all the materials have been put in place and the two of you crawl out of the front, surveying your work. "Looks pretty good, huh?" You sit back on the edge of the blanket and take in the atmosphere surrounding you. People are beginning to set up blankets closer to the stage, music wafts down the sidewalk from people's speakers, and the late spring breeze fills the air.
The rest of your group is done setting up, so you all take a seat and begin enjoying the festivities, conversing amongst yourselves. A couple of hours later when the park is almost completely packed, a group sets up in the only empty space beside yours, and you don't pay them any attention until you happen to be looking around and catch one of their eyes.
It's then that Samira takes notices, a look of confusion crossing her features before the woman closest to you leans over and begins saying something. Victoria nudges Whitaker lightly, laughing into her hand as he simply raises his eyebrows, looking over at Trinity, who's cautiously observing Samira.
You entertain the woman for a bit, eventually shaking her hand when she raises it in your direction, and she introduces you to her group as the rest of them all wave and begin including you in their conversation.
The change in your focus causes Samira's stomach to clench, and she tries to distract herself, but she can't help glancing over, watching as you chat with the woman and her group. She sees your easy smile, the way your eyes crinkle at the edges, and wishes that that was her being bathed in your attention, having a conversation that's making you laugh. She can't help but notice how effortlessly comfortable you are, the natural way you interact with these strangers, the charming way your body leans forward when speaking to others.
Soon after, you turn around to your friends and begin introducing them, going one by one until you get to Samira, who stiffly waves at the group, causing Trinity to stifle a laugh. The other women return her greeting, before one of them speaks up, eyeing you all individually. "Wow, I love your guys' vibe. Are you all friends from school or...?"
Her eyes bounce around to each of you before landing on Trinity, a questioning look on her face. Trinity takes the cue and responds, "Actually, we met through work."
"That's cool, what do you guys do?" Another voice pipes up, belonging to the woman who's been flirting with you. She looks to you expectantly, the corners of her mouth lifting.
"We're all doctors. Emergency medicine," Samira interjects matter-of-factly, brushing an invisible crumb off of her pants.
"Well, technically, not all—" Whitaker starts explaining but is quickly cut off with an uncharacteristic glare from Samira and sheepishly smiles instead.
One of the girls’ eyebrows raise at the revelation, while the flirty one turns her head over to look at you with new interest. "Wow, so we're in the company of heroes," she smiles, a coy edge to her tone.
"I don't know if I'd use that word exactly, but we do what we can," you chuckle.
The woman's eyes light up. "Modest, too. That's a good look on you." The others around her laugh loudly, and Trinity tries to hide her amusement by coughing into her hand.
Shaking your head at the compliment, you grab the water next to you and take a sip to divert the focus away from yourself. "So what do you guys do?"
They begin explaining, but Samira tunes them out, choosing instead to stand up while adjusting her pants. "I'm gonna go do a lap. I'll be back."
That catches your attention and you immediately look up from your conversation. "Alone? I can go with you."
"No, it's fine, you’re busy." She shoots you a closed mouth smile before turning to Victoria. "You wanna come?"
Victoria nods in relief before standing up, shaking her legs and groaning slightly as she follows after her friend. As they walk away, the woman who's been flirting with you speaks up. "Sorry if this is too forward, but, are all of you guys single?"
You're still watching Samira walk further and further away when Trinity clears her throat and brings your attention back to the conversation.
"Oh! Um, I am, and he is," you point to Whitaker, "and so is our friend with the curly hair. The other two are seeing someone."
"That's cool, most of our group is too, this is the first time in a while we've all been able to go out together."
You can tell the girl is trying not to be so obvious anymore, but you entertain her to try and stop from thinking about what Samira's doing. "Nice! What else do you guys have planned for this weekend?"
One of the other girls says that they're thinking about going to a specific club, the same one that your friends had planned on for tonight.
"That's funny, that's where we wanted to go later," Whitaker pipes up, and he's immediately pinched by Trinity, who pretends like nothing just happened.
The girl that had been talking to you lets out an excited squeal, gently placing a hand on your arm. "Oh my god, really? This is meant to be, we should totally meet up!" Her friends all nod in agreement, and she looks at you with hopeful eyes.
You look over to Trinity to gauge her reaction, but she just shrugs nonchalantly. Turning back towards the other group, you nod. "Yeah, that could be fun."
"Great! Let me get your Instagram so we can stay in contact for later."
"Yeah, sounds good." The two of you trade handles, and she beams as your friends intermingle and chat for a while.
Eventually, she and her group begin gathering their things and move to leave, the woman cheerily calling out, "It was nice to meet everyone, hopefully we'll see you guys tonight!"
After waving goodbye, Trinity quickly turns toward you. "What was that? You're actually gonna meet up with that girl?"
You shrug nonchalantly, popping a grape from the fruit salad into your mouth before replying. "What was I supposed to do, say no? I didn't wanna be rude," you chuckle, "and she seems harmless enough."
Trinity exhales through pursed lips before placing her hands behind her and letting her head drop back to soak up some sun. "Can't wait what your girl is gonna say when she finds out."
"You're still on that?" you sigh, throwing a piece of strawberry in her direction.
Her head snaps up when she feels something bounce off her chest, looking around until she identifies the culprit. Snagging it off of her leg, she chucks it at you before responding. "I'm just saying dude, I wouldn't rule it out. Anything is possible."
"Easy to say when a hot attending flirts with you on your first day."
Trinity beams at that, sighing contentedly. "Damn, I did manage that, huh?"
You shake your head at her, a small grin appearing as you take in the smug expression on her face. "Yeah. The rest of us don't have it so good."
"What can I say? I'm irresistible," she smirks, doing a quick hair flip for emphasis. "Seriously though, you can't deny the chemistry between you two. No matter how much you guys try to act like it's not there, it's obvious to the rest of us."
Whitaker finally chimes in from his place on the ground, eyes closed. "Yeah, it's not very subtle."
Trinity waves her hand in the man's direction. "Hello! Even Huckleberry can see it."
You groan and run a hand over your face, taking a deep breath. "Look, I'm not saying you guys are liars or anything, but as far as we all know, she's straight so I'm not gonna hope for any kind of miracle. I'm too old for that shit."
Trinity gives you a sympathetic smile, reaching out to pat your knee. "Fair, fair. All I'm saying is to keep an open mind. You only live once."
Whitaker chooses then to chime in, sitting up and grinning at you. "And you've got quite a few years left, so what's the rush anyway?"
Ripping a blade of grass up from the ground next to you, you toss it at nothing in particular, resigning from the conversation before you can get your hopes up. "Whatever."
As if you summoned her, Samira walks back up to the group with Victoria in tow.
The two women sit back down, and it's obvious Samira's a bit flushed from the heat, her chest heaving just slightly. Victoria grabs a bottle of water, taking a grateful sip after the walk, before turning to Trinity and raising an eyebrow. "Did that group from earlier leave?"
"Yeah, like maybe five minutes ago," Trinity's face betrays nothing as she answers the question, her gaze shifting over to you before looking towards your friend. "But it turns out they're going to the same club we are later."
Samira's head whips up, her gaze landing on Trinity with a slightly accusatory look in her eyes. "You guys told them about that?"
The short haired woman purses her lips before nudging Whitaker's foot with her own. "He did, actually."
"It just kinda slipped out," he defends, slouching a bit and rubbing a hand on the back of his neck.
Samira bites the inside of her cheek and swallows a sigh, knowing she could never truly be upset at the man. "Well, I guess we have that to look forward to, then..."
Noticing the slight tension, Victoria chimes in. "Hey, there's no guarantee that we'll even see them, right? It's a big club."
She opens her mouth to speak again but stops as Samira cuts her off. "Yeah, and even if we do, it's not like we're obligated to interact with them." The woman then shrugs and looks around to play off her discomfort, failing to notice the way you and Trinity make tense eye contact.
The silence that follows is thick with uncertainty, causing Whitaker to clear his throat and turn to you. "I don't think it would hurt to say hi if we do, though. Right?"
Everyone else follows suit and suddenly there’s four pairs of expectant eyes waiting for a response, and you let out a sigh. "I mean, I don't see the harm if we happen to run into them. We're all there to have fun, right?"
That seems to ease the slight tension that had built, your friends going back to discussing the night ahead, but you're stuck in your head thinking about how to navigate all the possibilities that could occur with it.
After a couple more hours, you collectively decide it's time to wrap up and head back to your apartment to wind down and get ready for the night ahead. Moving a bit slower than when you arrived, eventually you're all back in your living room, relaxing on the couch while a rerun of a 90's sitcom drones on in the background.
You nod off without realizing, startling yourself awake and causing your friends to laugh at you before you shake your head and stand up from the couch, groaning the whole way. "Okay, we gotta start moving or I'm gonna knock out for real."
Victoria lets out a loud yawn as she sits up, stretching her arms over her head before rolling onto her stomach and burying her head in her favorite throw pillow. "Can we just stay in for the night? I'm already so tired."
A chorus of "no"s and "get your ass up" follows her statement, and she whines in protest, the sound muffled by the pillow. Trinity stands up in response, placing her hands on her hips and staring daggers down at her friend. "Get the hell up, Javadi, no one told you go that hard last night, come on."
She whines one final time before standing up and heading towards the bathroom, Trinity trailing behind and making sure she doesn't take forever. Turning around, you see your other two friends laying in various positions on the couch, both of them on their phones. "I think I'm gonna change into something else, I'll be back."
You don't catch the way Samira stares after you until you disappear into your room, eyes gazing at your door long after it's closed.
Rifling through your closet, you decide on something a bit dressier, slightly nervous about meeting up with the girl from the picnic for reasons you can't explain.
Reemerging into the living room a few minutes later, you see that Whitaker and Victoria are now sitting on the couch while the remaining women are nowhere to be found.
"Where's the other two?"
"Bathroom. Trinity's doing Samira's makeup," Whitaker explains before pouring the crumbs of the chip bag into his waiting mouth.
You nod and cross the living room to sit on the couch next to them, mindlessly scrolling on your phone. As you're laughing at a video of someone falling down stairs, the bathroom door opens and your eyes dart up to look.
Trinity steps out first, followed by Samira, and you can't help but notice how different she looks. Her curls are even shiner and more defined, and her eyes are accentuated with a bit of black eyeliner, bringing out their depth. The pink outfit from earlier is replaced with a sleek, flowy black and green dress, drawing your eyes down and then back up. It ends mid-thigh, showcasing her long, lean legs, and her gut twists as she sees you ogling.
The two of you stare at each other for a beat before Trinity begins slow clapping and wipes a nonexistent tear from her eye. "Two different looks in one day, I'm so proud of myself."
You force yourself to look away, cheeks heating up as you nod and clear your throat. "Yeah, it's definitely...different."
"Now that you're done, can I use the bathroom? I've been holding it this whole time," Whitaker asks, and the two women immediately separate to leave room for him to speed past and shut the door.
Victoria springs up from the couch to get a closer look at Samira's makeup, ooh-ing and ahh-ing before turning to Trinity with an excited look. "Do you think you can touch up mine too? The eyeliner looks so pretty."
Trinity presses a hand to her chest and waves the woman over with the other as she replies, "Of course, Crash, get in here," clutching her makeup bag and dragging the younger woman into your room, leaving you and Samira alone.
Without the presence of the other two, a bit of the tension returns, a slightly awkward silence descending upon the space. You fidget in your spot, and Samira stands with her weight on one foot, looking out the window while drumming her fingers against her thigh to the beat of the faint pop song flowing through your speakers.
Choosing to break the stalemate, you stand up and walk over to the side of the coffee table closest to her, grabbing your glass from earlier and taking a sip before turning to the other woman. "That's a really good color on you, is that Trinity's too?"
Samira looks down, running a hand over the fabric to smooth it down, as if she's forgotten what she's wearing. "Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. She somehow has a Narnia sized closet in her suitcase."
The joke makes you chuckle, intentional or not, and you can feel the friction between you begin to fizzle out, Samira joining in on the laugh. You tease her for the reference as you normally would, and she throws a light jab back, the two of you falling back into your usual state of existence. By the time the rest of your friends return from their respective ventures, you and Samira are on the couch cackling away like nothing had happened, much to the relief of the three people standing in front of you.
"So...baddie baddie shot o' clock?" Trinity asks with a grin, pointing to you both. Without waiting for an answer, the short haired woman grabs the bottle from the day before out of the fridge and begins pouring a decent sized amount for all of you. Despite Victoria's attempt to protest, you all down the first one with little issue, Trinity already starting the second round.
You all spend the next hour joking with each other, the ambience light and full of laughter, and you think that this might be the happiest you've ever been.
"Wait, we have to take a picture to send to Mel!" Samira exclaims, pulling out her phone and trying to position the front camera in a way that will capture everyone.
Once she has it, she tells everyone to squeeze in and smile, and without hesitation, you prop your chin on her shoulder from behind and throw an arm around her waist, using the other to give a peace sign while grinning the entire time. The other three follow suit and pile in, smiling and waving in Whitaker's case, before Samira sends the photo off in your group chat and places her phone on the table.
You don't budge from your current position, opting to continue the conversation while wrapped around Samira, and she makes no move to push you away. A couple of minutes later, her phone begins to ring and when she picks it up to see who it could be, you see Mel's contact photo on the screen initiating a video call, squealing as Samira answers. "Hi King, we miss you!"
"Hi guys, I miss you all too!" Your blonde friend waves at the camera and Samira passes it around so everyone can say their individual hellos before it gets back to her.
"Everyone looks so nice, are you still going out to that club tonight?"
"Yeah, we're gonna head out in a few but we're so happy you called, we can't wait to see you tomorrow," the woman in front of you explains, beaming at the screen while you chuckle from your place on her shoulder.
The conversation ensues for a bit longer, Mel even handing the phone to Becca so you can all say hi to her before the blonde bids goodnight and reminds everyone to hydrate in between drinks.
Victoria speaks up after letting out a heavy sigh, "We should probably head out so we don't get there too late, yeah?"
A chorus of agreements echo around the room before each one of you begin moving, shoes getting slipped on, purses getting grabbed, and one more shot being poured. Samira picks her glass up while Trinity sets up yours, handing it to you with a smirk before all of you meet in an effortless cheer. Knocking it back, the warmth of the liquor slides down your throat before settling in your stomach, and the group files out of the door, the beginnings of another memorable night coming into focus.
You arrive at the venue quickly, thanking the driver before closing the door and turning towards the entrance, Samira slipping her hand into yours and tugging you towards your friends. Once in line, Trinity leaves to see if she can expedite your entry yet again, and the woman next to you shivers just enough to grab your attention.
"The liquor blanket not doing its job?" You chuckle, rubbing one of her arms while her other hand does the same.
"Not enough, I guess." She attempts to play it off, but you can tell she's genuinely cold, so you step closer and tuck her into your side while moving your hand to her back, hoping that will help.
Samira immediately relaxes as your body heat seeps through her dress, and she lets out a content sigh, laying her head on your shoulder. You continue like that until Trinity returns, informing your group that she has successfully finessed your way to the front of the line and into the venue. Your group cheers before heading through the entrance, music flooding your eardrums and bodies already beginning to move to the beat.
After adjusting to the dark atmosphere, you all head to the bathroom, wanting to take advantage before the line gets out of control. When you're next, Samira leans in to your ear, her alcohol-induced courage already kicking in. "I wanna dance," she shouts over the music.
You look over to see her face lit up from the neon wall lights, the sparkle in her eyes and carefree expression making your heart jump. "Yeah?" You manage to yell back, your dangling hand grazing her own.
Samira takes a step closer to you, lips nearly touching your skin. "Yeah. Come with me?"
You give a slight nod, and she clutches your hand, pulling you through the sea of people towards the dance floor before you can say anything to your other friends.
The club is packed, and the song becomes clearer the deeper you enter, but Samira pulls you into the middle of the crowd and starts to move her body to the beat. You follow her lead, letting the music take over your mind, the alcohol making your movements extra fluid.
The two of you dance in sync, mere inches apart, keeping up with the other's movements and feeding off each other's energy. A bead of sweat begins to run down your neck, and your eyes wander over Samira once more, gaze sweeping over her face, down to her hips, and finally landing on the curve where her thigh meets her torso, the way the dress clings to her skin making her look even more enticing.
Samira catches your stare and sees the way your pupils grow while your bottom lip is trapped between your teeth, feeling a shiver run down her spine. Emboldened by the attention — and the alcohol — she moves even closer, only a whisper away. She's sure you can feel the heat from her skin as she presses her body into you, moving in time with the beat.
Without warning, she turns to lean back into your chest, and her breath hitches, the feeling of you pressed so close intoxicating in a way liquor couldn't hope to compare. She feels her hips being pulled in time with yours, and her mind slows to a stop from the rush of sensations coursing through her body, eyes closed as she lets herself go completely.
Staying that way for what feels like an eternity, everything disappears when she spins around to face you again, arms immediately wrapping around your neck and bringing you closer. Moving together, you're lost in your own little world, the sounds and people around you fading to a faint hum. Your hands come up to rest on her waist, keeping her locked against your body. A wave of desire washes over you as you register the way her eyes are blown out, mouth slightly parted as she looks at you through dark lashes.
She feels electric under your touch, skin warming where your fingers are pressing into her sides, and leans into you on instinct. Feeling her heart pounding in her chest, the noise of the club buzzes in the background as the heat of your skin sticks against her own. The feel of your hands on her and the adrenaline coursing through her veins drown out every thought except for the one screaming at her to get closer. So she gives in.
Leaning in until your noses are touching, breath mingling together in the limited space between you, she runs a velvety hand over the nape of your neck and your eyes flutter shut. As her gaze roams your face and she decides to finally close the gap and fulfill her deepest desire, she sees something over your shoulder that stops her in her tracks.
A dumbfounded Whitaker is standing less than a yard away, two drinks in hand as he scrambles to turn around and bumps into Trinity and Victoria behind him.
"Whoa, what the hell, Huckleberry, be careful!"
"Um, I just—" His wide eyes flit around the room nervously and that's when the other two women see what caused his reaction.
Samira then jerks away from you, causing your eyes to snap open in confusion as you take in the flustered look on her face.
"I— I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back." Weaving through the crowd before you can register what just happened, Samira disappears and everyone else is by your side in a heartbeat.
"Was that what it looked like?"
You turn to Trinity in shock when you realize they must've seen you two, running a hand over your face in frustration.
"I'll go check on her," Victoria declares, slipping past and heading in the direction of the bathroom.
"I texted to see where you guys went, I would've kept us at the bar if I had known," the green eyed woman explains, and you pull your phone out to see that you indeed had an unread message. Noticing that the notification above Trinity's is an Instagram DM from the girl at the picnic earlier, you decide to ignore it until your group leaves and pretend you saw it too late. Instead, by a stroke of horrible luck, someone walking behind you bumps your hand and you accidentally tap on it, opening the thread.
"Fuck me."
Debating on what to do now that she'll be able to see you read her message, you decide to be truthful and tell her you're here, not wanting to lie in case you run into her later. She responds before you can close out of the app, letting you know she’s walking in with her friends, so you simply double tap the message and shove your phone back in your pocket.
"What was that about?" Trinity nods toward your phone after seeing the look on your face.
"The girl from earlier is here and wants to meet up." Your tone is clearly exasperated, and your friend winces as she tries to think of how to help. "What do you wanna do?"
Squeezing your eyes shut for a moment, you attempt to gain control of your spiraling emotions. "I don't even know at this point, this is so fucked, dude."
As you try to process everything that's happened in the last few minutes, Whitaker tries to provide some guidance. "She seems cool, why not use this as a distraction?"
You huff out a breath, staring him down in disbelief before reminding yourself that he's well-intentioned and only trying to help. "Dennis, normally I would, but I was literally about to kiss one of my closest friends, who just so happens to be straight, this girl is the last person I want to see right now."
As if the universe decided to open floodgates of hell just for you, you see a waving hand above the crowd, eyes flicking up to catch the gaze of the exact person you were hoping to avoid.
"Hi! I didn't think I'd run into you so fast!"
Plastering the best fake smile you can manage at the moment, the girl from earlier closes the distance and gives you a hug, surprising you before you reluctantly return the gesture. Pulling back, she signals behind her as the rest of her group walks up.
"You remember my friends!"
"Yeah, it's good to see you guys again." Giving them a curt nod, they begin a conversation that you want desperately to escape, your eyes scanning the crowd for one specific woman. Seemingly hours later, you finally catch a glimpse of the curly hair you’ve been searching for.
All smiles and dragging a concerned looking Victoria behind her, Samira finally makes an appearance, and you're immediately concerned.
"Oh my gosh, hi!" She goes up to each person in the group and introduces herself again, the complete opposite of her reaction earlier, and you look at your younger friend with a worried expression.
Victoria walks over until she’s close enough to whisper in your ear. "She had a moment in the bathroom, not exactly crying, just…in shock, I guess? Then she said she wanted a drink, but I lost her on the way to the bar and she was downing shots by the time I finally found her.”
Glancing back at Samira, she looks elated from this view, but you know better. She barely said two words to these people earlier, and suddenly she was best friends with all of them? This wasn’t going to end well.
"Jesus," you exclaim. You run a hand over your neck, frustration bubbling up. "She's gonna drink herself into a coma because she almost kissed me."
Victoria rubs her eyebrows helplessly, eyes flickering back to the group where the picnic girl is still talking to Samira and now Whitaker. "I tried to stop her, but she's quick when she wants to be."
Handing two cups of water to you, she adds, "I managed to grab these, she wouldn't take them from me but maybe you'll have better luck."
"I'll give it a try," you say grimly, taking the drinks from her. You step over to the edge of the circle, where Whitaker is now taking a selfie with the other group of girls and a grinning Samira. You call her name and she looks over, face lighting up.
"Hi!" She leaves the cluster to come stand in front of you, swaying on her feet. "What're you doing?"
"I thought you might want some water," you reply simply, not wanting to risk saying too much and causing her to react in front of everyone.
She cocks her head curiously, studying you intently, but the look fades just as quickly as it arrived. She grabs the waters from your grip and chugs the first one with ease, wiping her mouth before raising the second. "Thanks, I was feeling a little dehydrated." Her words are slightly slurred, and the look in her eyes with her overly perky attitude have you on edge.
"You doing okay? Victoria said you had a few more shots while you guys were gone." You're hoping against all odds she'll say she wants to leave, but luck is not on your side tonight.
She shakes her head vehemently, waving off your worries. "No, I'm fine. Just wanted to get my buzz back." When she smiles widely at you, your heart drops, hoping you won't have to drag her out of here and make a fool out of both of you.
"Promise?" You try to keep the doubt out of your voice, but your worry is obvious. “I just don’t want you to do something you’ll regret in the morning.”
She then puts her hands on your shoulders and leans forward, close enough that you can smell the alcohol on her breath. "Don't worry," she reassures you, nose scrunching up. "It's too late for that." She pats your cheek with a little too much force before walking back towards the group, leaving you speechless.
Trinity comes to your side, a solemn expression covering her features. "This went sideways fast," she mutters, watching the other group laugh hysterically at something Samira said.
At that moment, she leads them all further into the crowd as a song she loves comes on, raising her hands in the air and whooping loud enough to hear over the music. You follow right behind, wanting to keep as close an eye on her as possible without letting her know you are. Everything seems to be going as well as it can for a while, but then some man you've never seen before sidles up behind Samira, and you're instantly on edge.
You push your way over until you can see that he has a hand on her waist and it’s rapidly lowering. Rushing up to them, you immediately remove the offending limb away, moving Samira behind you as the man sizes you up. "We got a problem?"
"Yeah, you need to keep your hands to yourself." You can feel your heart rate increasing, hands beginning to shake as you clench them into fists, already preparing for the worst case scenario.
He looks you up and down, clearly undaunted by your hostile stance. "Or what?"
His cocky response brings all attention to your group, the members of his crew approaching to stand by his side and see what all the commotion is, trying to convince him to let it go once they realize what happened.
Whitaker sees the situation escalating and gets between you, trying to diffuse the tension. “Dude, just leave. There’s no need for this right now.”
The guy ignores him, eyes locked on you as he assesses the circumstances. “I don’t think you understand. I asked what you were gonna do if I didn’t keep my hands off her, and you never answered.”
"Break your fucking jaw, that's what. Now go listen to your friends and get the fuck out of here."
He huffs out a laugh, pivoting to walk away, and you turn to the side to say something to Trinity when you suddenly feel a searing hot pain on the side of your face, squeezing your eyes shut as an intense throbbing begins to bloom behind your eye.
Stumbling back, you finally open your eyelids to see the man in front of you shaking his hand, a smug look on face as his friends stand there frozen. Trinity immediately jumps in, shoving him backwards as you regain your balance. Feeling a hand on your arm trying to pull you backwards, you shrug it off before rushing forward and pushing past your friend, hooking a clenched first upwards and connecting with your assailant’s nose, hearing a satisfying crack and subsequent cry fall from his mouth.
He collapses onto the ground, clutching his face as a stream of red begins to trickle between his fingers. "You bitch, you broke my nose!"
You smirk as you stand above him, savoring the sight of an asshole like him receiving the consequences of his actions. "It’s not your jaw but that works for me."
The man's friends pick him up and begin dragging him away, one of them apologizing for his actions before disappearing into the crowd.
"Okay, we need to get the hell out of here before security shows up, come on," you hear Trinity speak into your ear, and you suddenly remember where you are, the grin slipping off of your face as you look around in panic. "Where's Samira?"
"She's with Javadi and Whitaker, they're probably outside by now, let's go meet them."
The two of you quickly make your way outside, the brisk night air instantly cooling you down, but you wince when you go to wipe your temple and make contact with your eye socket.
"Oh my god, are you okay?!"
Two warm hands cup each of your cheeks, and you flinch at the pressure before opening your eyes to see a wide brown pair looking back at you.
"I'm fine, he barely made contact." Your attempt to brush Samira off is futile, and when you remove her hands from your face, she clutches the one you just punched that man with and begins examining as best she can in her drunken state.
"And your hand! What were you thinking, we're doctors, these are literally our most important tools!"
"I'm fine," you emphasize, Victoria coming up to the pair of you and looking around nervously. "Um, guys, I think we should get out of here, what if someone called the cops? Or that guy comes back and he still wants to fight you?"
Whitaker chimes in as well, putting a hand on your shoulder. "Yeah, I'm with her on this one, it's probably best if we get out of here." He casts a cursory glance around the area, keeping an eye out for potential threats.
Samira's fingers are skimming over your already-bruising knuckles, a crease forming between her brow as she takes in your injuries with clear concern.
"Fine, let's walk to the next block and call a car from there," you concede. The adrenaline is still pumping through your body for the moment, but you know you'll be hurting very soon.
Your driver arrives quickly, and when you all pile in, Samira makes sure to sit right beside you, squeezing both of your cheeks in one hand and turning your head every which way.
"Ow. That hurts."
"Well, you should've thought of that before starting a fight!"
"I didn't start shit, that asshole hit me first!" Trinity shushes you, and you realize how much your voice was raising in volume. Meeting the driver's eye in the rearview mirror and mumbling out an apology, you turn back to Samira to continue defending yourself. "He was being creepy as fuck and he had his hands all over you, obviously I was gonna step in."
"Did you ever stop to think that I had it handled?" Samira tells you in a stern tone like she was scolding a child.
You scoff, briefly looking out the window before resuming eye contact. "Do you even realize how drunk you are? I wasn't gonna leave that up to you, I'm sorry."
That seems to get through to her for a second before she shakes her head, trying to compose herself and come up with a coherent response. "You need to be more careful, he could have seriously hurt you. I think we should take you to the hospital and get you looked at."
You look at her in confusion before vigorously shaking your head. "What, so Ellis or Shen or someone can see me like this? Absolutely not, there’s four other doctors in this car who can check me out."
Samira rolls her eyes at your stubbornness, leaning back in her seat and shutting her eyelids as she lets out an exaggerated sigh. Trinity catches your attention and nods her head at Samira before raising her eyebrows, and you let out a quick huff before flipping her off and laying your head against the window, watching the city lights pass you by.
Victoria and Whitaker try to keep the conversation lighthearted during the rest of the ride, but the tension is palpable as you all finish the drive back to your place.
Once the car pulls up to your building, you all make your way out, with Samira sticking closely by your side and Whitaker on the other. Trinity and Victoria walk a little ahead of your group, and you can see them glancing over their shoulders every few seconds.
Now that you're out of immediate danger and the worry has worn off, the alcohol regains control of Samira and she stumbles on the walk to your front door, causing you to throw an arm around her waist to keep her from falling.
Once you hand Victoria your keys and she unlocks your apartment, you're quick to sit the drunk woman on the couch and move to grab her a glass of water when Trinity stops you. "Let Javadi handle that, I wanna check your eye out and make sure it's okay."
With a groan, you still comply, plopping down onto a kitchen chair while your short haired friend grabs your first aid kit, slipping on a pair of medical gloves and pulling out a penlight. “Well, it’s bad, but it definitely could’ve been worse.”
“Yeah, he hits like a bitch.” You groan out, annoyed that the man managed to catch you by surprise.
Trinity laughs, and after checking your pupil response and feeling around your orbital socket, she decides you're cleared of any major trauma and releases you to start getting ready for bed.
"Thank fuck, I’m exhausted," you reply tiredly, standing up and slowly making your way over to the bathroom. As soon as the light flips on, you're met with your battered reflection and flinch at the sight of your bruised eye socket, swelling already setting in. Through the door, you hear Trinity whispering and Samira mumbling out a response, causing you to sigh.
After washing your face as gingerly as possible, you brush your teeth with haste and slip into your room to change into a pair of old sweats and a t-shirt before heading back out into the living room. Samira is still sitting on the couch, a pillow now behind her head, and she grins when she sees you emerging. "Come here," she slurs, waving you over to sit next to her.
You groan and head over to the couch, maneuvering around a sleeping Victoria and Whitaker, sitting next to her and slouching forward with your elbows on your knees. "Yeah?"
The woman pats her legs, and you follow her silent demand, laying your head in her lap. She begins running her fingers over your scalp, massaging it every few seconds and causing your eyes to flutter shut, a blissful sigh escaping your parted lips. She does this for several minutes, and eventually one of her hands moves from your head and starts tracing the bruise under your eye. "Does it hurt?" She asks softly.
"Uh...it’s pretty sore," you admit, slowly opening your eyes to find her staring down at you in concern. The hand on your face moves to your cheek before gently grazing your jaw. “You have a scratch too,” she says, barely above a whisper, her other hand continuing to run over your scalp.
You bring your hand up to feel where she was talking about, indeed finding a scratch right where described. You hiss upon accidentally pushing it too hard, and Samira takes your hand in hers, running a thumb over your knuckles. "That needs some ointment, I think I have some arnica in my bag."
"Yeah, okay," you acquiesce, giving in as you sit up and she pats your shoulder as if asking you to stay put.
She returns with the gel and a bandage, sitting back down next to you and beginning to unscrew the jar. She gently lifts your chin to get a look at your injury, and a chill races down your spine when her other hand begins to apply the gel to your face.
"Hold still," she murmurs, the pad of her thumb gliding over the cut, leaving a thin line of cooling gel in its wake. You stay as still as possible, trying to ignore the goosebumps raised on your skin. Her other hand grips your jaw once again, tilting it back to assess her work. Once she deems it satisfactory, she begins to apply the bandage to your face, the touch of her fingers on your skin feeling better than the actual medicine.
When she leaves to put the ointment away, you pull out your phone to see her handiwork in your front camera, not fully trusting that she managed to do a professional job in her current state, but not wanting to say anything to her directly.
After a minute, she returns to your side, flopping back down to her spot on the couch and pulling you back into your previous position, her hand immediately resuming its earlier ministrations. You lay there in silence without complaint, simply enjoying the sensations created by her touch. In the middle of your silent bliss, Samira asks "Are you mad?" from her place above.
Squinting to look up at her, you take in the slight pout on her lips and shove down the urge to run your knuckles along it. "Why would I be mad?"
She shrugs her shoulders slightly, moving her hand from your head to the couch. "You got injured because of me, and I was ignoring you before that." The guilt is evident in her voice, and the way she won't meet your gaze makes it even worse.
"Whoa, Samira. This wasn't your fault at all, that guy was being an asshole and trying to take advantage of the fact that you were drunk, don't apologize for that."
The other woman looks away in the middle of you talking, but when she looks back, her eyes are glossy with unshed tears, and you do your best to sit up quickly, body aches slowing you down.
"I just—" she hiccups, "It was so scary seeing him attack you like that, if something more serious had happened to you, I would never forgive myself."
Tears begin running down her face now, and you don't hesitate to pull her into a hug, sighing when she immediately curls into you and begins sniffling into your neck. You feel her tears soaking your shirt, and your heart splits all over again. Knowing how sensitive and empathetic Samira is, this will loom over her for a while, and that thought alone makes your chest ache.
Once her breathing evens out and you hear soft snores coming from below, you pull back to see the woman in your arms fast asleep, having finally succumbed to the alcohol and her exhaustion.
Laying her down as gently as possible, you cover her with a blanket and turn the lamp in the corner off, escaping into your room and quietly shutting the door.
"She okay?"
Seeing Trinity look up at you from where she's lying in bed on her phone, you gingerly nod, letting out a long sigh as you do. "She was feeling guilty about what happened at the club, but she's asleep now."
Trinity puts her phone down, giving you a sympathetic look. "That's rough. It's not her fault and I'm sure she knows that, but the girl's heart is so big it's going to take her a while to forgive herself."
You sit down on the edge of your bed and run your hands over your face, groaning at the prospect of dealing with the sober repercussions of this in the morning.
"Yeah. That's what I'm worried about." Sliding under the covers, you roll onto your side facing away from Trinity, signaling that you were done with the conversation.
Your friend takes the hint, putting her phone away and falling asleep soon after, but you weren't as lucky, tossing and turning for hours to come.
The next morning, you drag yourself to the bathroom after waiting for a reasonable time to climb out of bed, standing under the running water of your shower and praying for it to wash away all the conflicted feelings swirling inside of you. Once you hear Trinity moving about in the next room, you realize you've taken longer than planned and hop out right away, sliding into autopilot mode and emerging from the bathroom soon after, feeling slightly better but nowhere your usual self.
Your eye is considerably more sore than the previous night, so you grab an ice pack from your freezer and hold it to your face as you attempt to make breakfast.
"How about you sit at the table while I handle this, Rocky?"
Quirking your unaffected eyebrow, you huff at your green eyed friend before doing as you're told and releasing your duties to her. "You're not giving me a damn nickname."
Trinity only smirks at you, turning around to grab the necessary equipment from your cabinets. "If you didn't want me to call you that, you shouldn't have gone after that dickwad like you did."
You glare daggers at her back, but remain seated as you let out a long sigh through your nose. Not bothering to respond to her, you lean back in your chair and resume icing your wounded eye, checking your phone's unanswered notifications. Seeing a DM from the picnic girl asking if you're okay, you groan as you realize you completely forgot about her after the fight. Debating how you should answer, you're interrupted by quiet groaning coming from the living room, seeing that both Whitaker and Victoria are waking up.
"Well, good morning sunshines. You're just in time to help with breakfast, come on." Trinity waves them both over, and the pair comply after freshening up, setting placemats and utensils on the table in front of you before moving to take their own seats at the table.
"How're you feeling?" Victoria asks, wincing when you pull the ice pack away from your face.
"Just peachy."
She frowns at your response, causing you to smile then quickly groan when it pulls at your injured skin.
Breakfast is finished a short while later, the four of you now sitting and beginning to dig into your food, not a single word being uttered over content sighs and chewing noises.
Your gaze keeps drifting over to the living room, part of you eager and anxious to check on the only missing member of the group. The clock on the wall tells you it's close to ten now, and you begin to wonder if she'll awaken anytime soon. A little under ten minutes pass and you're about to get up and check on her when the tell-tale sound of feet hitting the floor reach your ears and the sight of a disheveled Samira appears moments later.
"Sleeping Beauty finally decided to grace us with her presence?"
You kick Trinity under the table for that remark, watching as the curly headed woman in front of you rubs her eyes and looks around the table embarrassingly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep in so late."
"Don't worry about it, go wash up and come join us, there's plenty of food left," Victoria tells her with a smile before Samira returns it with a tight lipped one of her own, disappearing for a bit before taking a seat across from you.
The tension is instant, the feeling enveloping everyone at the table and leaving you all to wonder who will break the silence first.
"I, um, don't remember everything from last night, it's broken up into bits and pieces."
Your heart simultaneously lifts and deflates at Samira's explanation. On one hand, you're elated she might not remember that she cried in your arms or what led up to the fight, but on the other, you almost hope she remembers the near kiss you shared and would miraculously admit romantic feelings for you. The thought suddenly makes you sick and you push your plate away, no longer interested in eating.
"But from what I do remember..." She finally looks up from the table and around at everyone, locking onto you for a moment before casting her gaze to the side. "I am so sorry for putting you guys in that predicament. We were supposed to have a fun night, and I ruined it."
Victoria shakes her head quickly and assures her she's being too hard on herself. "You didn't ruin anything, we still had a blast." Whitaker nods in agreement and gives her a reassuring look as well. "Yeah, it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong."
Trinity chimes in as well, telling her not to beat herself up over it, and you all manage a small smile in response, not saying anything else and going back to eating. Once everyone is finished, they leave one by one until it's only you and Samira. Not a word is spoken between the two of you, and after letting out a small sigh, you move to stand, the sound of your chair moving along the floor.
Purposely taking your time putting your dishes away, you wait to see if Samira will say something, anything to you, but her eyes stay locked onto her plate, pushing around her food until you have no reason to stick around and sullenly retreat to your room.
At the table, Samira swallows the lump in her throat and blinks the unshed tears away.
When you close your door, you head to your closet, seeing Trinity sitting and applying her makeup in the full length mirror next to it.
"The parade starts at twelve, and I know Mel likes to be early, so we should leave kind of soon to get a decent spot."
Your friend looks up from her spot on the floor, hairbrush in hand and nods in agreement. "Yeah, sounds good."
She finishes soon after and heads into the living room soon after to let everyone else know the plan, leaving you alone. Feeling the beginning of worst case scenarios sneak into your head, you physically shake them out and try your best to focus on the task at hand. Trying a couple of different outfits on until you find one that you feel most comfortable in, you complete your look in the mirror, wincing at the discoloration decorating your eye, and head out to your friends.
Everyone is waiting in the living room, and Trinity stands up with her bag in hand, looking over everyone's outfits to give a final stamp of approval. She looks you up and down, nodding her head in satisfaction as her lips move into a smirk. "Simple but sexy. I like it." You attempt to roll your eyes as you swat at her arm, but you don't disagree.
You catch Samira looking at you in your peripheral vision, but she says nothing as you move to grab your shoes at the entrance, leaving you to quietly sigh to yourself. Victoria texts Mel that you're starting the walk over to the beginning of the parade, and the five of you make your way out of the building and onto the sidewalk, the sun a welcome addition to your somber mood.
The walk takes a little under twenty minutes, and by the time you all arrive, a large crowd has already gathered. Trinity leads the way until she finds an acceptable amount of open real estate, dramatically stretching her limbs to mark the territory, everyone following suit before making yourselves comfortable.
"Guys! Hi!"
All of you turn around immediately upon hearing a certain voice, cheering when you identify the person it belongs to. A huge smile lights up Samira's face at the sight of Mel, the woman running up to your group and getting engulfed in an enthusiastic group hug. "We missed you this weekend," Trinity states, still holding her friend in her arms.
"I missed you guys too, I'm so happy we get to hang out today," Mel replies, moving from person to person and giving individual hugs.
When she gets to you, her hands shoot up to her mouth as she stares at your face in horror. “What happened to your eye?!”
Feeling heat creep up your neck as people around you turn to see what the commotion is, you clear your throat and give Mel an embarrassed smile. “It’s…a long story, I’ll tell you later.”
She nods in understanding, patting you on the shoulder as Trinity grabs her attention, much to your relief.
Chatting amongst yourselves until the parade starts, each of you begin waving the respective flags you brought and enjoy the floats going by. The event lasts well over an hour, and your group cheers excitedly the entire time, making sure to take pictures and video here and there. Once the last float passes, Trinity turns to the group, hands on her hips as she gauges everyone's expressions.
"What do you guys feel like doing now?" She questions, the others throwing out ideas while Samira's eyes seem distant, clearly lost in thought.
"I'm hungry," Victoria says, checking her watch quickly to get the time. It has been a while since breakfast and she's already eyeing a nearby food truck, looking around for approval.
"Yeah, let's grab lunch," Whitaker agrees with a smile, and everyone murmurs out varying degrees of consent before beginning the walk over.
After getting food and finding a small patch of grass, your group starts up a new conversation, and you glance over at Samira, noticing her expression is still far away. Not being able to stop yourself, your concern wins out and you nudge her shoulder softly. "You okay?"
She jolts, snapping out of her daze to look over at you and nodding her head before plastering an overly enthusiastic smile on. "Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry."
"We can head back to the apartment if you're not feeling it out here. I don't think anyone would be opposed to a nap after the last couple days." You chuckle, trying to lighten the mood, but Samira only scratches her cheek and reassures you that she's okay before turning to everyone else and joining the conversation.
Being brushed off stings more than you'd like to admit, reminding you of her demeanor at the club last night, but you choose not to dwell on it and instead enjoy the company of your entire friend group.
The afternoon goes on relatively normally, the six of you gelling as you usually do, and you can't help but notice how animated Samira is in conversation with the others. She laughs and interacts with each person with a smile, and her mood from earlier seems like ages ago now. You don't get much time to dwell on the matter, the sun chasing the horizon before long. Victoria yawns loudly as the group slowly begins to pack up, agreeing that it was time to head back to your place.
The walk back is much more cheerful, Samira and you both being active participants in the conversation this time, though rarely with each other. Everyone walks through your entryway at a more relaxed pace, the energy from earlier now dissipated as everyone begins to mentally prepare to begin a new week. When Mel enters your living room, she lets out a noise of excitement, and you remember that she hasn't been here before.
You give her a quick tour of the place, and when you show her the balcony, she immediately loves it, complimenting the view. She eventually wanders back into the main area, plopping down on the couch and looking around some more, taking in all the little details you put into the place. With everyone now winding down, you know your weekend together has officially come to an end.
Several minutes later, Victoria is the first to break the comfortable silence, standing up and stretching her arms out in front of her. "Well, I know it's still kind of early, but I think I'm going to call it a night."
"We should too," Trinity adds, slowly rising to her feet and nodding to Dennis. "I'm ready to pass out."
"Yeah, I could get a couple of errands done before the work week starts up again," Mel explains with a sigh as she stands from her spot.
The goodbyes are heartfelt, and even though you'll all be seeing each other in only a few hours, the atmosphere is still melancholic. Eventually, everyone heads out of your apartment, waving over their shoulders in promise of another group hangout soon, and as you shut your door, your heart deflates a bit. Samira said goodbye and even hugged you, but you can’t shake the feeling that she remembers more about last night than she’s letting on. The apartment feels lonely without your friends' happy chatter, and you sigh deeply as you sit down at the kitchen table with your laptop, catching up on emails while you have the time.
After a restless night and nervous morning, Samira is back at the hospital for her next shift, determined to put the weekend behind her and focus solely on her patients. She's always been able to separate her work life from her personal, and though there hasn't previously been much of a personal life to separate, she doesn't doubt her ability to.
The challenge proves easier said than done, Samira being greeted with the sight of you walking alongside Dana the instant she steps onto the floor. The older woman is reminding you to ice your eye, causing you nod bashfully, and she feels a flutter in her stomach before internally cursing herself.
Samira wastes no time walking over, intent on not showing how emotional she truly feels, to you or anyone. Reaching behind the counter to grab a tablet, she stands barely a foot away, seeing how you look up at her from where you're also reading patient charts.
"Good morning." Giving her a small smile, you slide the usual paper cup over to her, watching as a slightly surprised look graces her face.
"Oh. Thank you." The brunette grabs the cup from you and takes a sip, shooting you a closed lip smile. It's not quite as warm a thanks as she's given you the previous couple of weeks, but it's a Monday morning, and you've both had a tumultuous last few days, so you brush it off as that and nothing else.
She honestly wasn't sure if you'd still keep up with your morning routine after the events that unfolded between you, but she finds that she's more ashamed than anything that you don't hesitate to continue it, unsure of how to move forward.
Rounds start soon after, and with it, the inevitable looks and questions that come with your coworkers asking what happened to your eye. You brush them off, simply explaining that it's a long story and you don't feel like talking about it. Inevitably, rumors and guesses float around the floor anyway, and when you see Samira standing behind a whispering Princess and Perlah with a pinched expression, you sigh and wish for the day to end as quickly as possible.
Over the next few hours, you notice that while Samira isn't avoiding you, she's not as talkative as she usually is, with you or anyone. You're unsure how to feel about the realization, but you focus on your cases instead, not wanting to let yourself get so distracted that they slip through the cracks.
Eventually, you respond to picnic girl's message from the day before to tell her that you're fine and gently shut down her request to meet up again, citing scheduling difficulties due to your job. She seems to get the hint, only letting you know to reach out if you're ever free, and you breathe out a sigh of relief at having one less thing to worry about.
Finally, it's the end of the day, and you clock out generally unscathed. You managed not to lose any patients that day, and that's always a huge win in your book. Walking out with the rest of your friends, the conversation is quiet but steady, everyone being tired from the weekend.
Your gaze keeps being drawn over to Samira, and you see that while she doesn't seem as drained as the rest of you, she's definitely distracted. Her shoulders are tense, her gaze is fixed on the ground, and she's uncharacteristically lagging behind. Eventually, she comes to walk even with you, glancing over but immediately looking away. Feeling the tension, you look around and notice Trinity watching you, sending you an encouraging look as she walks ahead.
"Hey." You lightly bump Samira's arm with your own, capturing her attention the way you have countless times before. "How are you doing? You were pretty quiet today, even Robby didn't nag you."
She nods quickly, still not meeting your gaze. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night." It comes out quickly, more like her own thoughts being spoken aloud than having a conversation.
Peeking over at her again, your heart drops at how closed off she seems, and you swallow the lump forming in your throat, giving her a small smile even though she's not looking at you. "Yeah, me too. I almost feel like we could all use a vacation."
She nods at your joke, but the movement is jerky, and your gut tells you there's something else going on. As you open your mouth to ask another question, she suddenly stops walking, and it's then that you realize you've reached her car.
You stop as well, turning to face her while still keeping some space between the two of you. You're unsure of what you should do, if you should push or leave her alone, and you shift awkwardly on your feet while the silence stretches out. Finally, when you can't take the quiet anymore, your mouth opens and the question you've been wanting to ask falls out before you can stop it. "Are we okay?"
Her gaze darts over to meet yours, holding your gaze with a thinly veiled look of hurt. "Of course we are."
Clenching and unclenching your hands from their place in your jacket pockets, you take a deep breath in an attempt to soothe yourself. Your initial reaction is to press further, but you know it wouldn't achieve what you want, not at this current moment. So, you accept Samira's answer, patting her shoulder as you walk past and telling her you'll see her in the morning.
She whispers a reply before getting in her car and shutting the door, and you resist the urge to look back. Reaching your own car, you call out a good night to your friends across the parking lot, not in the mood to entertain anymore conversation.
Over the next few days, Samira is back to her usual self, and she's interacting with everyone as she ordinarily would. The pair of you are back to normal for the most part, talking and exchanging inside jokes, but you can't help but feel that she's still being cautious around you. Her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes when you say something witty, and you've noticed that she doesn't initiate as much physical contact as she did before.
You try to convince yourself that you're being paranoid, but something in your gut tells you that you're right, and you can't shake the feeling. Even talking with Trinity and Whitaker doesn't completely settle your mind, but after a few weeks, you've accepted this as your new normal.
It's now another Friday night, and your friends are all gathered in your living room, on the second movie of a double feature. Trinity had suggested Bottoms first, and Victoria then mentioned wanting to watch I Can't Think Straight. No one beside you and Trinity had seen that, but Whitaker, Mel, and Samira said they were up for it, so twenty minutes later, you're all tuned in to your TV once again.
You're trying to pay attention to the screen, but you're finding it increasingly difficult to focus on anything but the woman sitting on the opposite end of the couch. You've been sneaking glances at Samira ever since the movie started, unable to keep your eyes away from her face for more than a few minutes at a time. The emotions that fill her eyes as she watches the characters on the screen are mesmerizing, and the urge to ask her what she's thinking is so strong that you have to bite the inside of your cheek to prevent yourself from acting on it.
During the sad scenes, you see what looks like Samira wiping her cheeks, and though the room is barely bright enough to see clearly, your chest still clenches. By the time it finishes and the credits begin to roll, you begin to stretch your arms above your head, facing the group to ask their opinions. You pause when you see Victoria and Samira sporting watery smiles, laughing at each other when they realize that they've both been crying. Mel and Whitaker look charmed, and you're glad everyone seems to have enjoyed the movie.
Looking across the room again, you notice that Samira is still wiping away tears, her head leaned back against the couch and her arms wrapped around herself, a sight that causes you to chew on your bottom lip in contemplation. "So...how did you guys like that one?"
Victoria is the first one to answer your question, launching into the themes and representation, and Mel quickly follows with her opinions on certain shots and the soundtrack. When Trinity and Whitaker join the conversation, you scan the room and notice the lack of input from Samira, who's gazing off into the distance with a faraway look in her eyes. After a few minutes, she stands from the couch and causes everyone to look up at her.
"I'm gonna get some air." With a tight lipped smile, she clears her throat and makes her way to your balcony, closing the sliding door behind her.
You turn back to your friends, not wanting to blatantly stare after the other woman, but Trinity catches your eye as you do, causing you to purse your lips and shrug. Glancing at the clock a short while later, you see that it's been half an hour since Samira's been outside, and you decide to finally check on her.
Rising to your feet and rolling your shoulders, you tell your friends you're going to join the other woman and to keep helping themselves to your snacks. As you move the curtain aside and step out onto the balcony, you're met with the sight and sound of a sniffling Samira who startles when she realizes she now has company, and you quickly begin stuttering out an apology.
"Oh shit, um, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt—"
"No! It's okay." She's turned away from you, wiping her face with the sleeves of her zip up hoodie and trying to steady her voice. "I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to apologize for walking around your own home."
You nod before remembering she can't see you and think about how to respond. "I just, uh," you fumble for the right words before finding them. "I just wanted to check on you, you've been out here for a while and I needed to make sure the raccoons hadn't gotten you. There's an aggressive one I've had to fight for my plants a couple times." You internally smack your forehead for making such a lame joke at an obviously inappropriate time, but when you hear a broken laugh choke out from the brunette, you figure it wasn't that bad.
Samira wipes her eyes one more time before turning around to face you, smiling at your failed attempt at lightening the mood. "Thanks. Sorry, I really didn't mean to be out here this long, I just..." She trails off before rubbing a hand across her face and mumbling, "I guess the movie just hit a little close to home."
Feeling emboldened by her admission, you take a few steps closer to her, your body stopping once you reach the railing, leaving a couple of feet between you both.
She takes a deep breath, exhales slowly, and the words begin flowing. "There were just some things that felt— I just related to a few parts more than I thought I would, and it brought some personal stuff up." She gives you a small, rueful smile, a hand returning to her face to wipe away a stray tear. "I guess...I guess I've just been thinking about something...in specific lately."
Your heart speeds up at the thought of what that could be, but you keep your expression neutral. Nodding to let her know you're following along, she continues.
"It's just..." Her words keep dying off, and it's obvious she's struggling to articulate what's on her mind. You're tempted to speak, to offer possibilities of what she's alluding to, but your brain wins the battle to have you shut up and listen. Finally, Samira lets out a deep sigh and turns to face you head-on, looking you dead in the eyes. "Can I ask you something?"
Your heart stops and your mind starts racing, the air in your lungs feeling stuck and like it's dissipating all at once. You clear your throat and adjust your posture before responding, praying your voice wouldn't betray your nerves. "Yeah, of course, anything."
"It's pretty personal, so if you don't want to answer it, I won't be offended, but..." Her eyes turn downcast for a long moment before she looks up at you with the most vulnerable expression you've ever seen her wear. "How did you...know? That you were gay." She whispers the second part so quietly that you could've chalked it up to the wind, but when it registers in your brain, the seriousness of the moment grabs you in a chokehold, and you know your next words will make or break it.
"Well…honestly, it was like, a series of moments that led up to one night. And the next day and night, actually." Her eyebrows furrow slightly at your response, and you push down the urge to smooth away the crease between them. "It's kind of a long story, but if you're open to it, I can tell you what happened."
Samira looks at you with those impossibly doe-like brown eyes and nods her head, causing you take a deep breath and mentally prepare yourself to relive that part of your life. You look behind her at the forgotten pair of chairs you set out here when you first moved in and gesture for her to take a seat before you follow suit.
Thinking about where to start, the memories start flashing in your mind like a deck of cards, and you have to close your eyes to keep yourself from getting overwhelmed. Opening them once you feel safe to, your eyes flit about the space before locking with Samira's. "Well, I'll start at the beginning, I guess."
The other woman slides one leg under the other, wringing her hands in her lap as she sits back in the chair.
"I had this best friend growing up, like most lesbians do," you huff to yourself, the noise between a cross between a laugh and a scoff, "and we were super close, from elementary school to our freshman year of high school. Did literally everything together, hung out after school, the whole nine." A small smile adorns your face as you recall those years, and Samira finds it sweet, a fluttering feeling blooming in her own stomach.
You begin telling her story after story of this girl, for no other reason other than the memory of her resurfacing a specific happiness that you wish you could live in. The nerves on the brunette's face have since eased, her expression now curious and attentive, and you occasionally find yourself side tracked by it while speaking.
"So, our freshman year, this one Friday night, we're in my bed after we had just watched a movie on my DVD player, Stick It, of all the movies in the world." Samira's eyebrows quirk in confusion but she says nothing to interrupt you. You tell her how you had scooted closer together, a faraway look in your eyes as you're transported back to that exact moment.
"All of a sudden...she kisses me. Quick, just a peck on the lips, it lasted probably a tenth of a second. And we start giggling, like teenage girls do, and I thought it would be funny to kiss her back, so I did. It lasted longer than the first one, and when I pulled back, neither of us were laughing." Samira's knees are pulled to her chest now, her eyes laser focused on your face and the sad smile gracing your lips.
You tell her how you had both confessed your feelings for each other later that night, barely able to sleep because of how excited you were. Recalling that next evening when it was time for her to leave, you walked her home, stopping at the park between your houses and sitting on the swings, eventually laying in the grass to gaze up at the stars.
At this point, the woman next you hasn't said a single word, and you're grateful because you need all the strength you have to spit out the last part of the story. "We kissed again then, talking about how we'd be together through the rest of high school and after. I dropped her off at home before it got too late and she got in trouble, and I walked home on cloud nine."
You feel tears begin forming at the corner of your eyes, and you look away to wipe them. You tell Samira how you weren't allowed to have cell phones at the time, so you had to wait for the following Monday to talk to her again. "I was waiting for her like I did every day, but when she walked out of the house, she looked more sad than I had ever seen her. Turns out, her dad's job transferred him to another branch and they were moving that coming weekend. The company would take care of everything, so they didn't have to wait around for the house to sell or whatever."
The tears begin to fall now, and you wipe them away as you talk, no longer bothering to hide it. "I saw her at school that week, and then she was gone. I gave her a slip of paper with my house number, and we talked that away for a while, but she started calling less and less, and eventually, she stopped calling at all, and when I tried to call her, it said the number was no longer in service."
You take a deep breath then, leaning your head back to ease the pressure starting to build. "I've looked for her on social media over the years, but never found anything. I just assumed she got married and changed her name or something." Sniffling, you wipe the last of your tears away, and Samira finally breaks her silence a few moments later. "Can I hug you?"
You hear the crack in her voice and when you look over at her, you see that she's crying too. That causes your eyes to well up again, and when you simply nod, the other woman rises from her chair to climb in your lap and engulf you in a hug. Reciprocating immediately, you let her warmth and steady heartbeat soothe you, staying in that position for what's probably several minutes.
Once you've calmed down, you raise your head from its position in the crook of her neck and begin to shake your head. "I'm so sorry, I did not mean to trauma dump like that, you asked me a question and I took over the conversation." A hoarse laugh slips from your mouth as you try to brush off the vulnerability you've just showed, especially when you realize the position you're both in, but Samira doesn't let you off the hook that easy. "No, don't say that. I'm honored, actually, it takes so much courage for someone to be that open, and it means a lot that you felt safe enough to tell me that story."
She pulls back to look you head on, the eye contact keeping you in place as her eyes scan your face, no doubt noting the tear tracks decorating your cheeks. "Thank you for trusting me."
Your own hand is lifted to your face, fingertips gently ghosting along your skin as you try to figure out how your eyes are still producing tears. "Yeah," is all you can manage for a moment as you study her expression, noting how she's no longer crying but regarding you with a look you're afraid to decipher. "Of course."
Samira then removes herself from your lap and takes her previous spot on the chair next to you as you try to figure out what direction to take the conversation in. "So, um," you clear your throat, "Can I ask why you wanted to know how I knew?"
Her eyes dart to the ground as she rubs the back of her neck, and a small frown appears on her face. "Well," she starts hesitantly, struggling to vocalize what she's been feeling. "I've just been...wondering? About myself lately, I guess."
Nodding in understanding, a memory of pride weekend flashes across your mind. "I can relate to that."
She shoots you a small smile, hands fiddling with the hem on her pant leg, and you sense the nervous energy coming off of her in waves. Clearing her throat again, she lets out a deep sigh, the sound causing you to raise an eyebrow questioningly. "I've just never really allowed myself the space to question my sexuality really, and now that I'm an adult, it almost feels like it's too late."
You bite your lip then, wanting the brunette to let out everything on her mind the way she allowed you to.
"There's all kinds of what-ifs in my head, I guess. What if I'm wrong, what will people think, what will my family think..." she trails off, a frustrated huff following.
"Seeing that movie tonight really put things in perspective for me. I related to aspects of both of them, never feeling truly comfortable with a man, but worried what that meant for me, and my future. It was helpful to see adults realizing their true selves and coming out, and not just teenagers. The pieces are finally starting to fall into place, but it's terrifying, honestly." Her hands come up to cover her face then, and your heart drops, knowing that feeling all too well.
"It is," you reply softly, keeping your voice free of judgment.
Her hands drop to her lap, and she gazes at you with vulnerable eyes. "How did you handle it?" She whispers, her voice overcome with emotion.
You take a few moments to collect your words before answering her seriously. "Honestly, not well at first. Having to accept I didn't like boys was the harder part, personally, and it definitely took me longer, but I've never felt more free than when I did."
She takes in your answer, eyes fixed on you as you speak, and the small frown on her features fades slightly. You continue, feeling the words flow like they did earlier. "My advice is to listen to yourself. Don't push these feelings aside because you're scared." Her gaze falls from yours to the floor as you watch the wheels turning in her head, wondering what thoughts are going through her mind.
Her eyebrows furrow as she chews on her lip, your words weighing heavily on her shoulders, and you see the way she's tensed up. Feeling the need to comfort her, you reach out and place a hand over hers, the gesture catching her off guard as she snaps out of her thoughts.
"I know it's easier said than done, but don't think of all the what-if's at once." Her fingers gently curl around yours, sad eyes returning to your face as you speak again softly. "You'll drive yourself crazy that way."
Samira nods in acknowledgment, and you can tell that she's still hesitant, but her shoulders lower and she relaxes into her chair, all while holding your hand. "Yeah, you're probably right."
She takes a deep breath, slowly exhaling through pursed lips as she attempts to compose herself. Your gaze is still on her, roaming over every one of her features in silent admiration as she tries to find her place again.
Eventually she speaks up, asking you more questions about your journey, which you answer openly and honestly. You both laugh, you cry, you share personal stories no one else has ever heard. While telling you about a girl she knew in college, Samira glances behind you in confusion before her eyes widen. "Oh my god, is that the sun?"
Following her gaze, you look over your shoulder and see the first hints of dawn stretching over the horizon. Your eyebrows raise in surprise and you look back to her in shock. "Damn, how long have we been out here?"
Samira looks around in confusion while patting herself down. "I have no idea, I just realized I must have left my phone inside."
"Shit, me too." You laugh to yourself at the realization that you just spent the entire night talking with the other woman, a warm feeling settling in your chest. Rising from your seat, you suddenly remember your other friends that you left inside several hours ago.
Upon entering your apartment, you see that the rest of your group is nowhere to be found, and you look around in confusion when Samira speaks up from her place next to the couch. "Trinity text us around midnight to let us know everyone was leaving and didn't want to interrupt."
You finally locate your phone on the floor and when you unlock it, you see the same message in the group chat, but above it, a private one from Trinity.
[Yesterday, 11:57 pm] Baby Apple 🍏💚:
go get ur girl 😜
You roll your eyes with a smile before locking the device and sliding it into your pocket while facing Samira. Seeing the other woman yawn makes you realize how tired you are, and it suddenly becomes impossible to keep your eyelids open, an idea popping into your head at the same time.
"Hey, I don't know about you, but I'm beat."
Samira suddenly looks bashful, catching on to what you're implying. You see the way she begins gathering her things and avoiding eye contact with you before realizing it sounded like you were kicking her out, your next words rushing out all at once. "And, um, if you're too tired to drive yet, you're more than welcome to crash here."
She freezes in her haste to grab her purse, turning slightly towards you and studying your expression, like she's trying to see if you're being sincere. When you give her a small smile, a wave of relief seems to wash over her before she responds. "Are you sure? I don't want to impose—"
You quickly shake your head and wave your hand through the air, dismissing her concerns. "If I wasn't sure, I wouldn't have offered. Plus it's dangerous to drive in that condition anyway, so all the more reason." Samira's smile is timid, but she nods and sets her belongings back down.
Realizing you were backed up on laundry, you scratch the back of your neck as you navigate how this will work. "Well, I just remembered that I don't have any clean blankets for the couch right now, so if you're okay with it, you can sleep in the bed with me. It's super comfy, I promise, I've gotten great reviews." Heat begins to creep up your cheeks when you realize how that sounded, but Samira seems to ignore it as she nods and tells you to lead the way.
The two of you are already in comfy clothes from the night before, and you both have a routine of showering as soon as you arrive home from work, so you wordlessly slip under your comforter and settle into your preferred sleeping positions. Your blackout curtains bathe the room in a pleasant darkness, and it doesn't take long for either of you to succumb to your exhaustion.
You sleep more soundly than you have in quite some time, and when you finally crack open your eyes, you catch a sliver of sunlight casting itself onto your closet door. A small groan escapes your throat as you attempt to roll over, but you realize that something around your waist is stopping you. Your eyes widen as reality catches up, and you look over your shoulder to see Samira snuggled up against you, face pressed in between your shoulder blades. While you're frozen in place, she sighs in her sleep and burrows even closer, a warm leg sliding between your own.
You're suddenly wide awake, the weight of her body pressing into yours causing your heart to pound against your rib cage. You can feel the rise and fall of her chest touching your back, her hand having snuck under your shirt and gently clutching at your skin. The intimate position causes butterflies to start swarming in your stomach and your eyes stare straight ahead, your mind warring with itself. You know it's wrong to enjoy this the way you are while the other woman is unaware, but you also don't want to wake her up and cause an uncomfortable situation.
Before you get a chance to decide what to do, Samira begins to stir behind you, and your eyes are shutting immediately while you pretend to be asleep. Her close proximity means you hear the hitch in her breath as she fully awakens and realizes the way she's holding you; you feel the way her arm gently slides off of your waist as to not wake you. Once she fully untangles herself and slips away from the bed to the bathroom, your eyes slip open when the door clicks, rolling onto your back and covering your face with your hands while thinking, What the fuck was that.
In the next room, Samira is sure she's going to have a heart attack. She's never known herself to be clingy in her sleep, always one to establish clear boundaries anytime she happened to share a bed with someone. With no prior experience on how to handle the flurry of sensations ripping through her body at the moment, she turns the faucet on and begins splashing water on her face. "Come on Samira, get it together," she whispers to herself.
Locating her spare toothbrush she's left here since her first sleepover, she slowly brushes her teeth as she tries to understand what it is she's feeling. Though a huge part of her would love nothing more than to crawl back under your covers, the more rational side accepts that she should go home and not take up any more of your time. Once she's finished, she presses her forehead against the door, hyping herself up to go back in your room to grab the hoodie she somehow took off in her sleep and slip out of your apartment undetected.
Little does she know, you're currently staring at the ceiling, trying to wrap your head around what just happened. All you can picture is the way she felt behind you, the way you fit together so easily. It takes every ounce of self-control you possess to not get up and pace the room, to get all of the newly built-up energy out. You're still lying there with your gaze fixed above you when the bathroom door creaks open and Samira reenters the bedroom, freezing in her tracks upon seeing that you're awake.
Lifting yourself up onto your elbows, you stare back for a moment before asking, "Hi. You sleep okay?" You don't know what compels you to say that when you saw the answer for yourself firsthand, but once it slips out, you find that you're nervous for her reply.
She's shifting her weight from one foot to the other, picking at a nonexistent piece of lint on her shirt before she responds. "Yeah, thank you. It was as comfy as you said it would be," she answers calmly, but there's a tentativeness in her voice that make you want to scream into a pillow. "Did you um, did you sleep okay? I didn't kick you or anything, did I?" She gives you a sheepish look, and the corner of your mouth turns up at the nervous energy she exudes.
"No, don't worry, I slept well. Better than I have in a long time actually."
She lets out a huff that sounds a little bit like a laugh, fidgeting with her sleeve and avoiding your gaze. "Well, I don't want you to feel like you have to get up or anything, so I'm just gonna—" She begins to motion towards the front door, but you feel a pang in your chest at the thought of her leaving, blurting out your next words before you can think better of it. "You don't have to go yet. We can hang out, if you want. I have more frozen TV dinners than I know what to do with." You chuckle to make it seem less awkward, and though you're hyper-aware of the fact that this is the second time in mere hours that you've tried to keep her from going home, something inside you isn't ready to part just yet.
She stops mid-step and you see a look of hope cross her face. Her gaze is fixed on yours as she asks, "You're sure?"
The words echo her earlier hesitation when you said she could sleep over, and you have to force down an affectionate laugh. "Yeah, the least I can do before I kick you out is feed you."
Her full lips spread into a wide smile, dimples on display and all, causing your heart to stutter momentarily as she replies, "Okay, then, I guess I don't have any choice."
"Perfect." You match her grin, swinging your feet off the bed and grabbing your phone to check the time as you head to the bathroom to freshen up.
A short while later, you and Samira are sitting in front of your coffee table, having lunch as promised, watching The World Unseen. One of the things you two had discussed the previous night was the lack of lesbian media she consumes, and you willingly offered your vast knowledge of movies, television, and books to her. Seeing how much she liked I Can't Think Straight, you informed her that the two lead actresses had starred in another film together, to which she immediately asked about watching.
Every so often, you sneak a look to see how she's enjoying it, and you're pleased to see her so enraptured. Your thoughts are so laser-focused on her reactions that it takes you a moment to realize that the credits are rolling and she's looking over at you in question, tears in her eyes. "Wait, that's how it ends?!"
You look at her sheepishly as you push a box of tissues across the table. "I didn't wanna give anything away..."
A disbelieving laugh escapes her as she grabs one and dabs at her eyes. "I can't believe you let me get so invested for that." She attempts to give you a mock offended look, but the way she's fighting a smile undercuts it.
"Good news is, you have another lesbian movie under your belt, you're practically an elder gay now," you joke before popping a chip into your mouth.
"Oh, I wouldn't go that far," she snorts, shaking her head as she leans back on her elbows, the action stretching her t-shirt across her chest and causing you to divert your gaze, suddenly finding the floor interesting.
"So what's next on your list?"
Whipping your head back toward the woman, you give her a curious look, pausing the TV before turning to her. "You're down to watch another one?"
Samira shrugs, trying to look nonchalant while reaching for the bag on the table. "I mean, we're kind of a roll, and I trust your movie taste more than the people on Reddit."
"Well," you sigh dramatically and placing a hand over your heart, "I'm honored you trust me more than random strangers on the internet." She throws her head back and begins giggling, the sound filling the apartment, and you think that you could listen to her laugh forever.
Before you get too distracted, you pick up the remote and begin looking for the next title, already having a few in mind. Over the next few hours, you watch D.E.B.S. and The Watermelon Woman, explaining the cultural significance and random facts about each movie. What you fail to realize in between your comments is the way Samira looks at you with wonderment and affection, a shine in her eyes she's never had before.
When you finally look back at her to ask if she wants to watch another movie, her expression is neutral, looking past you to the TV. "So what's your #1?"
Thinking for a second, the answer pops into your head but you look at the other woman with a hesitant expression, prompting her to ask you what it is. "Um, I don't really wanna bring down the mood." You scratch your cheek as Samira insists you put it on, and after she finally convinces you, the opening scene of Portrait of a Lady on Fire is playing.
"Don't say I didn't warn you," you whisper, both of you now settled against the back of your couch.
2 hours later, Samira's crying into one of your throw pillows as you unsuccessfully try to wipe up all of your tears with your hands. Once you've both calmed down, you look over at the other woman, giggling once you see the redness of her eyes and tear marks on her cheeks, knowing you look the same. "I told you."
A watery scoff leaves her mouth as she grabs tissues from your table and does her best to clean her face off. She takes a deep shuddering breath and shakes her head, trying to collect herself before speaking. "What a way to end the night."
That phrasing brings you back down to earth, and you run your tongue across your upper teeth as you realize the entire day has passed. "Yeah, what a finale."
Samira checks her phone and lets out a quiet sigh, placing her feet on the floor. "I should get going, I've taken up enough of your time."
Your heart sinks hearing her words and your eyes dart to the ground, mentally chiding yourself for acting like a child. You force a smile, attempting to keep your face indifferent, as you respond, "Yeah, I guess you're right."
She rises from the couch, and you follow, the two of you now standing in front of one another, the silence growing more and more oppressive by the second. Just as your brain supplies a thought to break the silence, Samira beats you to it. "I had a lot of fun tonight."
"Even though you cried a bunch?" You can't help but tease the other woman, enjoying the way she playfully rolls her eyes at you. She lets out a huff that sounds more like a laugh and gently pushes your shoulder. "Shut up, you cried just as much."
Turning around to grab her bag from your kitchen table and sling it over her shoulder, she walks towards your front door as you trail behind. Once she finishes putting her shoes on, she turns to face you and is slightly taken aback by the sad look in your eyes.
Twisting her hands together, the movement catches your gaze as she speaks. "We should do this again, honestly." You look back up at her, keeping eye contact. "I, um, wanted to thank you for...making me feel so comfortable and listening to me and answering all the questions I had. I know it was a lot, but I'm really grateful that I have someone like you in my life." Her eyes are misty now, and your lower lip juts out before you pull her in for a hug.
"Of course, Samira, I'll always be here for you." You're rubbing her back gently as her arms are wrapped around your neck, and you're reminded of how she held you earlier in the day. "Anything you need, day or night, you can get ahold of me, okay?"
The feeling of her body against yours is calming, and you have to fight the urge to pull her closer, taking comfort in the weight of her in your arms. She leans in more, burying her face against your neck, and you feel yourself melting at the affection. Your eyes are squeezed shut as you commit every inch of the moment to memory, taking in the scent of her as much as your heart can take. Before pulling away, you hear a whisper of, "I will."
Once you've separated, you reach past her to open the door, eyes flitting between her own as a small smile graces your lips. "Let me know when you get home, yeah?"
She matches your expression as she steps into the hall and turns to face you, walking backwards towards the elevator as she replies, "Promise. Have a good night, and don't stay up too late."
She pushes the 'down' button and gives you a thumbs up, making you laugh at her cheerfulness. The two of you hold each other's gaze the entire time she steps into the elevator and the doors close, catching her final wave as they do. Heading back inside and locking the door, you amble towards your room while replaying the previous 24 hours in your head.
The whole drive back to her apartment, Samira's hands are gripping the steering wheel as she stares ahead with a look akin to shell shock. That was the first time she spent that much continuous time with you since Pride weekend, but with wildly different results. The emotions she'd spent so many hours combing over were becoming clearer and clearer, but something was still keeping her from seeing the bigger picture.
When you see Samira at work the next week, you were unsure of how she'd act around you once the two of you were outside the little bubble of your apartment and back in your regular environment, but she seems like herself, an elevated version, even.
Your group interactions are a little longer, and the conversations feel different, more personal; each of you seems like you know your friend a bit more than before. It makes you happy to see Samira comfortable in her skin, and more often than not, you catch her looking at you as you talk, her gaze open and honest.
A few weeks later, the curly haired woman asks you to help her come out to the group, which you quickly agree to. She tells you that she's now comfortable enough to come out to the people she considers family, and you're more than happy to be part of something so personal to her.
For your next shared movie night, everyone is at Samira's apartment for a change, the woman wanting to do it in an environment she's fully comfortable in. She gives you nervous looks throughout the night, in which you wordlessly reassure her every time.
During a lull in conversation after dinner, Samira clears her throat to catch everyone's attention, and a slightly nervous feeling settles in your stomach. "Hey, guys?" With all pairs of eyes on her now, her heart is beating so hard she's afraid it'll burst, but she reminds herself of the times you told her that everyone here loves her and only wants the best for her. "I have something to tell you all."
You feel Trinity nudge you under the table but you ignore it and bite the inside of your cheek, not wanting anything to ruin Samira's moment.
After taking a deep breath, the curly headed woman looks around at everyone individually, eyes lighting up when they land on you before letting them slip shut. "I'm...a lesbian."
There's a pause as everyone processes the news, but not a second later, the room erupts in cheers and as you all rise from your seats to engulf Samira in a group hug, tears running down her face as she feels the acceptance and love surrounding her. Your pride in the strength it took for her to get to this point is evident, and you have to wipe a tear from your own eye, grin so wide it almost hurts. Looking down at her, she meets your gaze with a watery smile of her own, mouthing thank you as everyone pulls away to give her room to breathe.
"I knew no one in this group would turn out to be straight," Trinity is quick to joke, earning her a smack to the shoulder from Victoria as you let out a quiet sigh. "Seriously though, we all know the journey it takes it to get here, and we all love you, Samira. Welcome to the club." She wipes a tear from the crying woman's face, her own eyes misting over as she does.
The look on Samira's face is one of pure relief, the tears flowing freely as she looks around at the circle of friends who all hold copious amounts of affection in their eyes. "Thank you guys. It really feels good to get that out." Everyone responds in various ways, the consensus being that they love her and are happy for her being true to herself. Samira finally manages to stem the tears when her eyes land on you, smiling as you send her a reassuring wink.
Later that night, you're all spread around her apartment, talking amongst yourselves with Samira's calming playlist looping in the background.
"So that night we left you guys on the balcony, did she come out to you?" Trinity asks during a pause in your private conversation.
Chewing on your bottom lip, your gaze moves past her to the woman in question before moving back to your green eyed friend. "Uh, yeah. We actually ended up talking until the sunrise."
"No shit." Trinity takes a swig of her beer before nodding slowly. "So, did you tell her about you-know-what?"
A short laugh leaves your mouth, shocked but not surprised that she's bringing this up now. "No, I didn't, obviously. That would've been the worst timing ever." You rub your fingers over your eyebrows as Trinity shrugs her shoulders and purses her lips. "Yeah, true. That was weeks ago though, you haven't tried bringing it up since?"
Pausing for a moment, you think back to the opportunities you had to admit your feelings for Samira before shaking your head. "Honestly, I don't even care about that now. Like, yes, I still have feelings for her, and all the time we've spent together lately made them even deeper, but the main thing I care about is just making sure she's okay and that I'm a safe space for whatever she needs."
Trinity blinks once at you, then exhales deeply as she pats your knee. "You're in deep shit, dude."
Groaning softly, you let your head fall back against the wall as you take in what you just said. It definitely sounded more intense than you thought it would, but you find that it's true to how you feel, and your lips quirk at that.
Trinity is looking at you with an amused expression, and you feel yourself squirm inwardly, uncomfortable now that you've admitted the weight of your feelings. She opens her mouth to add something further, but the sound of giggles reaching your ears causes you to look up, and you see that Samira is currently engaged in conversation with Mel and Whitaker. The way she looks so casual and carefree causes you to smile involuntarily, and when she looks over, you forget to look away, gaze lingering a moment too long.
Your expression must have revealed your inner thoughts, as Trinity lets out a chuckle while shaking her head, causing you to finally look over at her. Raising her eyebrows, she tells you, "If you don't stop looking at her like that, she's definitely gonna figure it out."
The blunt statement causes your eyes to widen slightly and you let out a scoff of your own, attempting to play it off. "I wasn't even—" You're cut off by Trinity's disbelieving laugh, shaking your head as you avoid her gaze again.
Later that night, your friends file out of the apartment one by one, tired from the week but happy to have been part of such a special occasion.
"See you on Monday, Samira. Sweet dreams." Victoria gives the hostess a hug and waves past her to where you're sitting on the couch, with you reciprocating the gesture and telling her to get home safe. Once your friend is gone, and it's just the two of you, the brunette plops down next to you, letting out a long huff of air. "I'm so exhausted."
Your eyes roam over her face, noting all the angles and planes of it, filing them away in your memory. "Yeah, it was an eventful day."
She sinks further into the couch and her head lolls to the side, eyes closed as she relaxes fully for the first time. You're still watching her, admiring the way her eyelashes lie on her cheeks, the way her lips are parted ever so slightly, the subtle rise and fall of her chest as she breathes. A few moments of silence pass before she speaks, not opening her eyes as she does so. "I can feel you staring at me."
A quiet gasp leaves your mouth and you're about to argue when you realize she's right, chuckling softly at being caught. "How can you even tell, your eyes are closed."
Her eyelids flutter open then, regarding you with a look that pins you to your seat. "I always feel it."
Your breath hitches in your throat at the intensity of her gaze, your own eyes locked with hers as you try to form a response. "You're...very observant," you finally manage to mumble, your attempt at normalcy failing miserably. Samira doesn't seem to mind, though, as her lips quirk up in a small grin of her own. "And you're a bad liar," she counters, a hint of playfulness in her tone.
This had become a recurring theme over the past few weeks. Every since Samira had come out to you, she felt more comfortable joking around with you to the point where it could be interpreted as flirting. You've gotten used to it for the most part, throwing your own little digs back, but on certain occasions — like now — she catches you off guard, and it takes you a second to recover.
She takes your silence as an opportunity to keep going, her wide smile bordering on sly as she adds, "I can read you like a book now."
You feel heat flood your cheeks at the implication of her words, a lump forming in your throat as you become hyper aware of her proximity to you, her eyes still boring into yours. Taking a deep breath, you force yourself to respond despite the fluttering in your stomach. "Oh, can you?"
"Mm hmm." She opens her mouth to say something else when a yawn escapes instead, causing you to laugh and let go of of the breath you were holding. "I think it's time for you to head to bed."
A huff leaves her mouth when you interrupt her, but the stern expression she was attempting to convey is ruined by yet another yawn. "Fine," she groans, "but only because my couch isn't as comfy as yours. My back will be tweaked for days if I fall asleep here."
You snicker at that, pushing off from the couch and holding your hand out to her at the same time. "Come on, sleepyhead."
She rolls her eyes at the nickname but still places her palm in yours, letting you pull her up to her feet. You accidentally use more force than necessary because Samira crashes into you, causing you to stumble backwards before she steadies you by your waist.
Her hands are surprisingly firm as the two of you stare at one another. You can feel the heat from her hands seeping through your shirt and you have to stop yourself from shivering, heart thudding in your chest at this new position. Clearing your throat, you try to play it cool as you tell her, "You gonna let me go, or are we just gonna stay like this all night?"
That seems to snap her from her daze, and she quickly steps back while clearing her throat. "My bad, I think the delirium must be settling in." She gives you a shy smile before scratching the back of her neck, unsure of what to do now.
"Yeah, I think we should both call it a night." Outside, you look calm, but your pulse is still beating wildly and your voice comes out a bit hoarse, betraying your real emotions. Thankfully, Samira doesn't comment on it, instead nodding in agreement and yawning again. "Definitely."
Once you're standing at the front door with your belongings, you suddenly find yourself not wanting to leave, but knowing the other woman deserves some privacy after the events of the day.
"I'll text you when I get home. And I'll let you know which movies are next on our list." Our list. You had begun calling it that instead of 'my' list, and though the change was subtle, it tugs at Samira's heart, feeling touched at how easily you include her newfound identity. Her eyes soften at your words, and you observe the way the corners of her mouth curve upwards, flashing those distracting dimples. "You better."
Giving her one of your exaggerated salutes, you barely squeeze out a "Yes ma'am" before her arms are wrapped around your waist yet again, and you hear an emotional, "Thank you for tonight," whispered in your ear. Barely able to reciprocate the gesture, Samira quickly pulls away and plants a kiss to your cheek, the affected skin tingling immediately as she continues. "I couldn't have done it without you."
Forcing yourself to focus, you reply with an astounded expression. "Of course. Like I said before, I'm always gonna be in your corner."
Her answering smile is bright and genuine, your heart swelling at how the woman in front of you is glowing with happiness. Once you finally part after exchanging a few more quips, you're on your way out of her building and settling into your car, cheeks sore from how wide you're beaming. Catching a glimpse of yourself as you check your mirrors, your face drops as you realize that Trinity was right, and you're in deeper than you previously thought. "Shit."
At work, you find yourself constantly stealing glances at her in between patients, taking in every detail as she works. You hope you're not being obvious, but then you think about the night she said she can always tell when you're looking and wonder. During any breaks and spare moments you have with the rest of your coworkers, talking and laughing, your eyes always find their way back to the woman constantly occupying your thoughts, a trace of hope coloring them.
Unbeknownst to you, Samira is having very similar thoughts, though hers are also intertwined with ones of self doubt. As much as she's becoming more confident in her identity, she also is struggling with her burgeoning feelings for you, more so doubting that you return them. As caring and attentive as you've been since the brunette came out, she's convinced herself that it's strictly platonic, because in her mind, who would want to take on someone who doesn't truly know what they want yet?
The next several weeks pass by uneventfully, the only difference now being that Samira began to make your inside jokes in front of your other coworkers, and you're worried someone will misconstrue them and think something is going on between you two. Yet, as much as you try to fight it, you can't help but feel charmed by the other woman, her natural attentiveness and sincerity a light on even the darkest of days. Your continuous movie nights don't help your predicament, though you're aware that you'd be happy with Samira in your life in any capacity, romantic or not.
One day, she told you she wanted to try going out to more gay clubs and events around the city, and you were more than happy to oblige, different variations of your friend group joining on occasion. The pair of you spend quite a few nights at a plethora of different spaces as Samira figures out she is and isn't comfortable with, and you can see the way she blooms before your very eyes.
Unsurprisingly, she's very popular wherever she goes, plenty of women chatting her up and offering to buy her a drink or give their own contact information. Your jealousy flares every time it happens, but as you have no real reason for it, you push it aside and focus on having as best of a time as you can manage. More than once, people would ask if you two were a couple, and after denying that that was the case, you made sure not to hover so close to the brunette for fear of limiting her prospects or making her feel uncomfortable.
You'd be lying if you said you didn't catch a hint of something in her eyes each time you had to shut down the assumption, but you were never quite sure if that was the case or just wishful thinking on your part. Either way, the look was quickly wiped away, and the two of you would spend the rest of the night with an acceptable amount of space between you.
The first time Samira tells you she had a date lined up, you feel sick but still had to put on a brave face and pretend like you were happy for her, while inside it felt like someone was taking a knife to your chest. That date turns into two, which turns into three, which turns into the other woman telling the brunette that she was no longer feeling a connection.
In all your life, you've never felt anger like you do when Samira explains what happened with teary eyes and a dejected tone to her voice. You feel nothing but white-hot rage bubbling up in your chest at the thought of someone treating her so callously and your hands shake with the force of it, but you know you wouldn't be any use to her that way. Taking a deep breath and pulling her in for a hug, you tell yourself to control your emotions and rub her back as she mumbles her anxieties and fears into the side of your neck.
Samira goes on a few more dates with other people but eventually pulls back from the social scene altogether, electing to go back to regular nights in at your apartment. You can't deny that the selfish part of you is happy about it, but you don't let that show—instead, you're patient, present, and kind. Movie marathons resume like they used to, soft conversations about identity, heartbreak, and healing comfortably woven in. You speak as much as you listen, Samira always making sure you feel like you can share what's on your mind the way you allow her. The curly headed women feels the instant relief when it's just the two of you, and she attributes it to being more naturally introverted, but somewhere in the back of her mind, the real reason lingers relentlessly.
Fall is giving way to winter now, and the underlying tension between the two of you has been steadily rising with no end in sight. The hospital's holiday party is looming on the horizon, and your entire department has been talking about it for days. Most of the chatter has been complaints about management and how they allegedly don't have money for staff but can pull this off. The rest has been murmurs of excitement from the younger employees, mainly you and your friends. Though you do share similar sentiments as the senior personnel, you always look forward to any reason to get dressed up and spend time with the people you love outside of life or death situations.
The day of, your group agrees to get ready at your own places and meet at the venue, giving each other time to decompress beforehand. You're one the first employees to arrive, having gotten ready quicker than you expected, and stroll in to the entrance with a look of awe. The hall is decorated beautifully, much more lavishly than you expected given management's constant budget excuses, and you quietly scoff to yourself. Walking in a bit further, you see Dana and Robby talking animatedly at the bar and decide to join them.
"Hey superstar!" The older woman spots you first, giving you a hug and a kiss to the temple when you reach them. After also greeting you, Robby asks you what you'd like to drink, and after letting him know your poison of choice, he turns to face the counter and flag the bartender down while you and Dana begin catching up on life outside of work.
At her apartment, Samira is practically yanking her hair out as she looks over all of the outfit choices laid on her bed. She's been on edge the entire day, and it's all coming to a head as she looks at the three dresses she's been considering spread out in front of her, groaning in frustration. Realistically, she's aware it's just a work party and that no one will truly care what she's wearing, but no matter how much she tries to tell herself that, it doesn't stop the anxious thoughts that she needs to look perfect.
As if struck by lighting, she suddenly remembers something long forgotten in the back of her closet, the result of a shopping day with Trinity months ago. Samira had instantly fallen in love with the dress, though she had nowhere to wear something so formal at the time. With a bit of convincing from her friend, she purchased it with excitement before bringing it home and letting it collect dust since then. Pulling it out with a squeal, she hangs it up behind her door and gets to work on her makeup and hair, overcome with a renewed sense of enthusiasm.
A short while later, the rest of your friend group are trickling into the party, all of you ooh-ing and ah-ing at each other dolled up in your fanciest looks. Trinity and Whitaker joined soon after you, while Victoria walked in shortly after Mel, and upon seeing the look on her face while walking alongside her parents, you could tell she needed this.
Ordering her a drink when she reaches your little huddle, she begins to vent about an argument she and her mom had on the drive over, and all of you are listening intently as you pass a glass her way. Downing it instantly, she places it on the counter and takes a deep breath, to which everyone widens their eyes and nervously chuckles. "Careful Crash, we don't need a repeat of pride weekend." Trinity giggles when the younger girl huffs and continues with her story, hands moving about animatedly as she does.
Half an hour later, Mel is in the middle of asking you a question about a book recommendation you gave her when she looks past you with a big smile. "Oh, there she is!"
You freeze, drink halfway to your lips as you turn your head toward the entrance. It's like time slows down as you take in the sight; Samira, clad in a long burgundy dress that leaves her shoulders uncovered, curls pulled back minus a couple defined tendrils framing her face, gold jewelry complimenting her gorgeous skin. She’s scanning the room, looking lost — until her eyes land on you.
And oh, the smile that lights up her face when they do. It’s like someone flipped a switch inside her, and she begins making her way over, heels clicking softly against the floor, every step matching the beating in your chest.
“Hey,” she greets when she reaches the group, slightly out of breath like she’s been rushing. “Sorry I’m late.”
The girls immediately begin gushing over her look, inspecting her outfit and complimenting how flawless she looks. The curly haired women covers her mouth shyly but accepts the praise with a beaming smile, giving them all of the details with a proud look.
The previous conversation picks up again, Samira standing next to you now, and it's then that you realize you didn't greet her when she showed up. Leaning in toward her ear, you whisper low enough that everyone else can't hear, "You look beautiful, by the way."
Your breath on her ear causes goosebumps to appear on her skin, her head turning to look at you with sparkling eyes, and she replies back, "Thank you. Though, I'd argue you look better."
You both hold one another's gaze, neither breaking contact until someone bumps into her from behind, jolting you both back to reality and turning to see a slightly inebriated coworker apologizing profusely to the woman before stumbling away with his drink. Chuckling awkwardly, you tug at the fabric near your collar before looking around the room, feeling like you've been caught doing something wrong.
Samira turns back and observes the way you avoid eye contact, itching to reach for your hand and reassure you. Normally you're the more collected one while Samira calculates her way through most social interactions, but for reasons she can't name, she feels unusually secure of herself tonight.
Sliding her hand over your forearm and gently squeezing, your eyes snap up to hers and your lips part just enough to bring her focus to them. Before she can ask if you're okay, a voice from the front of the room announces that the food is ready, giving you an excuse to pull your arm away and follow your retreating friends to a nearby table.
Samira lingers behind a moment longer, collecting her thoughts as she watches you walk away before biting the tip of her tongue. Taking a deep breath, she shakes her head slightly and makes her way over, slipping into the seat beside you without hesitation. Every once in a while during dinner, Samira's knee brushes against yours, but you do your best to ignore it, chalking it up to the size of the table.
Eventually, Trinity is off talking to Yolanda, and Mateo asks to steal Victoria away while Whitaker and Mel are engrossed in a heated debate about the physics in comic books. The woman next to you catches your eye and pulls her bottom lip into her mouth when you don't look away. Staring at each other for a long beat, Samira finally breaks the stalemate. "Um, I was thinking about getting some air. Wanna come with me?"
The question sends a slight shiver down your spine, but you nod your head without reading too much into it. "Yeah," you reply, sounding casual despite the blood now rushing through your veins, "that sounds good."
After grabbing your coats from the check in area, you follow her out of the nearby glass doors. Both of you inhale the cold air at the same time, breaths curling into visible clouds against the night sky.
"Damn, it's chilly."
The other woman laughs at your comment before noticeably shuddering, and you direct her towards one of the outdoor heaters stationed in a more private area of the patio. The difference in temperature is a welcome change, but the two of you are still facing each other awkwardly, hands shoved in your pockets. Glancing around, you notice that the space is completely empty aside from you both, and your stomach begins to twist.
Beginning to lose her nerve that compelled her to bring you out here, anxiety begins creeping up Samira's throat as she tries to refocus. Her gaze lands on one of the heaters, and she concentrates on the way the fire dances behind the glass screen. When she looks back up, the wind is the only source of sound as the two of you stand across from each other, gazes locked in another staring contest that you're determined to win this time. It proves to be extremely difficult as the heater casts a warm glow over her features, highlighting her dark eyes and the soft angles of her face.
You can't help but think she's the most beautiful thing you've ever seen.
After what seems like hours, she exhales sharply, breaking the silence. "I kind of had a whole little spiel in my head earlier," she says, voice quiet yet steady, "of things I wanted to tell you."
Breath catching in your throat, the determination in her words knocks the wind from your lungs. You take a small step closer. "Yeah?"
Samira swallows hard, fingers now twitching at her sides. "I’ve been trying to convince myself I was just projecting or reading too much into things," she admits shakily. "'Cause I tend to do that a lot," she lets out a nervous laugh, "But lately, every time someone assumes or asks if we’re together, I feel this…ache. When I have to deny it."
Your blood is rushing in your ears.
She lifts her chin slightly, eyes searching yours for something—confirmation maybe, or courage—and finally whispers, "I don't think I want to anymore."
Eyes widening slightly in shock, you exhale harshly before raising a hand to cover your mouth. "Samira, I..."
She interprets your reaction negatively and rushes to continue. "Please, just hear me out," she says softly, taking a hesitant step forward. "Every time I'm around you, it's like this...tug. A pull." She lets out a quiet sigh before continuing. "And at first, I thought maybe it was because you were the first person I trusted in a really long time but...."
You can't move or speak, only staring at the woman in front of you and waiting with bated breath.
“But it didn’t go away,” her voice trembles with emotion. “The more time passed, the stronger it got. And I kept thinking...what if the reason I never felt like this before is because I was waiting for you?”
A beat of silence passes, heavy with questions and insinuations. Then ever so slowly, she reaches up and brushes the back of her hand against your cheek, touch lingering against your skin.
“I never expected any of this,” she admits, eyes glistening under the soft glow of the fire. “But somewhere between the movie nights and bad dates and you holding my hand through it all...I fell for you.”
Your breath hitches. You’ve imagined this moment countless times but never thought it would actually happen.
And now that it is?
You step forward until your bodies are flush, left hand coming up to cover the one on your face and the other intertwining itself with the one at her side.
“Samira…” Your voice cracks saying her name. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that.”
Her bottom lip trembles as her eyes search yours for any indication that you're lying. When she doesn't find it, she inhales harshly and parts her mouth in shock. "Wait, really?"
You chuckle softly, leaning into her touch and feeling your heart soar as she presses her forehead against yours. "Yeah," you breathe, freeing your right hand to gently grip the back of her neck, your thumb brushing across her pulse point. "The day I met you, I never stood a chance."
Hearing those words, the woman lets out a noise of disbelief before leaning in and capturing your lips in a kiss that leaves you feeling lightheaded. It's tentative at first, both of you familiarizing yourselves with the other. After a few seconds, Samira gains the confidence to open her mouth and deepen it, which you happily accept.
You kiss back fiercely, fingers sliding under her jaw as your other hand pulls her closer by the waist. She gasps softly, the sound muffled by your mouth, and your tongue takes the opportunity to sweep over her bottom lip before biting it.
When you finally pull apart minutes later, both are of you are panting softly, lips swollen and shiny with saliva. The other woman stares at you in disbelief, a shaky laugh escaping her lips as she cups your face in both palms. "God, I've wanted to do that forever."
You grin, breath uneven as you bump your nose against against hers. “Took you long enough.”
A shiver runs through her and you're reminded of the brutal chill surrounding your little bubble. Without breaking contact, you slide your hands over her upper arms and begin rubbing them gently. “C’mon,” you whisper, voice rough with emotion. “Let’s go back inside before we both freeze…or someone walks out here and catches us. Trinity would have a field day, oh my god.”
Samira laughs softly, fingers trailing down your neck as she nods. “Yeah…definitely don’t want that.”
But neither of you make a move to leave—staying under the flickering warmth of the heater a moment longer, stealing another, longer kiss; slow and sweet this time, as if promising, this is just the beginning.
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