To Try (Loki x Fem!Reader)
Summary: Light Elf!reader gets into an arranged marriage with Loki
Warnings: Extremely canon divergent- takes place around Dark World, Kinda OOC (Loki discovers remorse), not beta-read, use of norse mythology, kinda opening ending
Rarely did your father allow you such the luxury of voicing an opinion, growing accustomed to being spoken over despite being set to inherit the throne. Everyday you were reminded of this bitter truth, that you were not born the son of the nation; but a woman. You had spent years attempting to change this reality from a perfect education, to proficient sorcery nothing seemed good enough. No, your father desired to heir a king, but your mother grew infertile after your birth. So naturally, no matter how much you squandered and begged for his favor, you'd be met with distain. However, you would still try to defend your people, it was your birth right.
"Father, you cannot ignore the insolents of the Asgardians. They wage war with the Jotuns, and attack the Midgardens. Both of which break peace treaties, and consequently have ruined delicate trade agreements."
"You speak of insolents, yet you dare stand before me ordering me as though you are the ruler, and I, your subject", His gaze towards you turned cold, as he glared down at you from his throne. "You will listen wisely, the only reason I keep you, is because the Aether chose you. For whatever reason I cannot fathom."
Yet another reason for your father's hatred. The Aether that had been guarded by the royal family since the war had been won against the dark elves. It had been tradition that each royal member carry the burden of its seal as a mark of their power. However, your father had been unable to do so. A truth he hid from his own people, and one that would sure compromise his throne. When you came of age your father had begrudgingly let you attempt to seal it, due to worry for your grandfather's impending death with the passage of time. Instead of being proud of your success, it only seemed to fan the fires of detestation.
"Perhaps it is because you do not have power, that you choose to fear the Asgardians instead of face them for the good of our people", You knew that would be dangerous to say, but you also knew that the only way to get him to act was to threaten his pride.
"You will watch the way you speak to your king! Perhaps the power has gone to your head young one! You think foolishly!" His wrath no longer made you shake as it did in your youth. No, now you look at your once admirable father with disappointment. No weaker there is than a man who hides his cowardice behind rage.
"Perhaps it is because you are powerless and pusillanimous that you refuse to act, father."
He set his scepter down as he stood, "Fine, you wish to see what will come of speaking with the Asgardians than we shall go. Do not blame me if the outcome is not what you desired." He was no longer yelling, but he addressed you with distaste in his cold tone. Despite this, you took the win. Regardless of his judgment, you would do whatever it took to correct the political standings with Asgard.
"Very well, I shall make preparations to set off soon."
There was a strange serenity in arriving in Asgard. Despite your father's dampening presence, the beauty of Asgard had over taken you. The streets were bustling, and every corner was livelier than the next. The castle itself gorgeous, adorned in gold and art. The castle also seemed eager to tell the story of the royal family, with carvings and painting. You would not be shocked if they had a stained glass window of the Allfather around. Speaking of which, you had finally arrived to face him. Atop his throne he had reminded you much of your own father, with a piercing gaze, stern facing, and hard exterior. His hair was grown out turning white from aging, but his bread was kept well trimmed; surely an Asgardian status symbol, similar to the gold armor he was adorned in.
"I was quite surprised to hear from the light elves, I trust your reason for such a trip is quite a diplomatic one." He spoke in a tone that left little to determination, he was testing the waters of your visit. It would come to no shock that he would be on guard, seldom did your people venture out to the other realms. You strode ahead of your father, and bowed your head to the king.
"It is an honor to meet you Allfather. We are indeed here to discuss diplomatic relations regarding the Asgardians behavior." You kept your voice steady, and your words respectful, last thing you'd wanted to do is risk waging a war with Asgard. Although, you could not see your father's face, you could assume he would be angry you have addressed the Allfather rather than him. Odin, seemed to also take note of this.
"Tell me, do you speak for your father, the king?" His tone now was more calculative, and aimed to test you. Perhaps, you are acting out of turn, yet in this moment you do not care. Your father did not bother to look into the papers you had written out for him, and you doubted he truly knew the matters you intended to address in this visit.
"I speak for my realm's prosperity, your majesty." This time you had looked him in the eyes as you spoke, this answer seemed to please, or at the very least amuse him.
"And what is that concerns your realm's prosperity?"
"The recent invasions on both the Jotuns and the Midgardens have left races in other realms unwary, and in fear of violence trade routes are decreasing as less nations reach out to others. We have began to see signs of this economic effect, and I wish to stop it before it damages the livelihood of our people. This cannot be done without Asgards help, the others of the nine realms look to you for guidance."
Odin stood up from his throne, "I shall look into your claim, if I determine there is validity to your concerns, then I will discuss this matter further. For now, your journey has been tiring, rest."
You bowed your head once again, as you bit your tongue. Of course your claims had validity, why else journey to the Allfather, but you could not speak out of turn more than you already technically had. You just had to pray he did not find it entirely dismissive.
"Thank you for your generosity, your majesty."
Loki was reading another one of the books Frigga had brought him. He had tried to focus on the words in the pages in front of him, but all he felt was the slow guilt eating him alive. Odin would never be his father, but Frigga had always been his mother. Odin hidden his true nature, hoaxed him into believing he could one day be king, discarded him in favor to Thor, and punished him for all of his days to come. However, his mother had always been gentle, even when Loki did not deserve it. She had taught him a million lessons, of magic and morality.
He thought back to her words, had he been so blinded by rage he could not see her reason? His mother was right in one aspect; mortals are still living, and he had taken their lives for what? He could easily blame it on Thanos, to say it was because of his manipulation, but it was not the full truth. No, it only amplified the envy and hatred that Loki had already been facing. His actions were of his own accord, and this time it was clear he had gone too far given even his mother seemed distraught.
He had not even noticed when he had began destroying parts of his cell. He should feel no remorse, he is a god, and they were mere mortals. He had deserved to be a king, deserved to be treated as Thor's equal. For some odd reason, he could not shake the voice of his mother from his head. He was cunning, malevolent, and underhanded. He had always acted in his own favor, and with no regard for others. These were things he had accepted long ago, it was in his nature. He had never once felt a sense of self-reproach or sorrow at this, why now was it consuming his every thought?
Certainly, it was all the time in this prison. It had given his mind far too much time to wonder. He began to be poisoned by the notion he could ever change, ever grow to regret his decision. No, what had happened in New York revealed what was truly hidden within him, he was monstrous. Maybe this came from being a Frost Giant, he really was the monster parents tell their children about to scare them to bed. His mother had only said those words because she still had hope that Loki being raised as an Asgardian would change his nature, but clearly it had not. If anything Odin was the one that was right, Loki's birthright was to die in that cold amongst the rest of the barbarians.
You felt the silk gold sheets were pulling you, and drowning you further in thought. Slowly each part of you was being eaten alive by all the possible outcomes of this situation. Until news had finally arrived, your father and you would have a formal discussion with the Allfather and Allmotber tomorrow. This did little to quell your nerves, however, as such a quick reply could mean two incredibly varied outcomes. The best outcome would be that Odin had realized the gravity of the economic situation, and thought it so obvious as to warrant immediate intervention. Alternatively, the contrary could occur, Odin thinks your situation so obviously pointless, and undeserving of Asgards assistance. You had eventually succumbed to your exhaustion, but not without a terrible feeling nagging at you.
You were overcome by anger; you did not know what you were saying until it had already come out, "With all due respect your majesty, when you became the Allfather you had taken responsibility for the wellbeing of the nine realms. Although, it seems you act as King of Asgard first, and Allfather second. Trade and political alliance between our people greatly benefits both parties, we have access to medical herbs and practices that could prove advantageous for Asgard. The greater sale of these goods would in turn help our economy blossom. I do not see why you seem to so quickly disregard how other races could aid you, do you really think us so bellow you?"
Your father had turned to you as though you had just committed treason, which you might as well have. You had blatantly accused the Allfather of neglecting the realms, and treating Asgardians as superior to others. You do not regret it, in fact you do not even think it an accusation as he had been doing so just now. He had known nothing of your nation, but was quick to claim that there would be no gain in political affiliation with Asgard. Odin had kept his face straight, showing no signs of emotion or reaction. Instead, deeper in his eye there seemed to be something brewing. Once again it was that calculative look, but this time there was something more sinister behind it.
"Very well. You claim I think other races below Asgard, and you claim to be in need of political alliance to us that could prove beneficial. Why not unite our people?"
The Queen Frigga, seemed to catch on to what Odin was implying before your father or you. Her soft resting expression seemed to turn stern. Her eyes that had once been tender and motherly, seemed to lose their light blue hues to a darker spark of emotion as she turned to her husband. Before she could utter a word, she was swiftly cut off by Odin's continuing.
"You see, my son Thor is already quite taking by a Midgardian woman. My youngest Loki, however, would be sure to prove as a good match for you, princess. He is clever, machiavellian, and canny. He was raised as king, and has the eagerness to be one. And much like you, he is sharp-witted and silver-tongued."
You had heard numerous stories of the youngest son of Odin, the God of Mischief. He had been somewhat of a trickster growing up, only to turn out betraying his brother. He had been the one to wage the attack on the Midgardens, and to kill Laufey. You had doubted he had truly been fit to rule. Perhaps, this was Odin's punishment, to doom Àlfheimr under his tyrant of a son. You doubted your father knew any of this, based on his prompt agreement to the proposal. It was your life this would permanently predetermine, your life that was being bound to a seemingly cruel man. But, you had no voice in the matter. You look up to met Frigga's eyes, at least you could find solace in her expression and disapproval. She too, had not been heard. You had now known the look in Frigga's eye, the mix between the worry of a mother and the anger of a woman.
Loki wanted to laugh bitterly at Thor's visit, even more so as he saw through his illusions. It seemed now he had truly lost everything. His sanity, his dignity, his influence, and his chicanery. Overtaken by fits of rampage caused by his new founds pangs of consciousness, he felt himself slowly diverge into a state of craze. As he laid on the floor in his tattered garments, dirty and bloody. He could at least find sour solace in knowing chaos followed him even here, as he looked around at the ruins left of the objects that had once decorated the space. Regardless of how spiteful he felt at his current predicament, he seemed even more indignant at this new found urge for repentance that sinked its teeth deeper into him every passing moment.
"Now you see me, brother."
Thor looked at Loki with a solemnly expression, "I did not come here to bask in your self-pity, I came here to warn you of father."
Loki's temper seemed to spark once again, "He is not my father!"
Thor looked down at him in further disapproval, "Regardless, he shall come to you with a proposition soon enough, it will no doubt anger you."
Loki scoffed at him, "And why is it have you come to tell me of this great proposition."
Thor's face tone grew less firm as it now carried an almost undetectable hint of fondness, "Mother still believes in you, she fights for you. However, father will not yield in this matter. Ever since her first illusion, it has been made even more difficult for her to speak to you. Loki, she asks one thing, do not allow yourself to be overcome by wrath. She fears it will only lead you down a path of madness and savagery", Thor paused to look around the state of dungeon, "A fear that seems to be founded."
Loki did not need to hear this again, it is all that has been on his very being since they last spoke. It is what he had destroyed the room trying to rid himself of. This wrath that would not quell. Before Thor left he turned to face Loki once again once again.
"I had always thought you a trickster, but never a villain. Maybe it is now that I see you, brother."
Loki could not tell how much time had passed since Thor left, frankly he had could not tell how much time he had spent in this place. It had already felt like eons. His mother's request was the new topic weighing on him. He felt like a small child throwing a tantrum over being put in time out. His thoughts were finally distracted for a moment, something he would welcome if it were not for the fact it was over the arrival of Odin. Judgment had lingered in every glance he gave around.
"I know Thor has told I have a proposition for you, but in truth the decision has already been made. You are to marry the crown princess of Álfheimr, and that will serve as a political union of our two people."
Loki had finally looked up to meet his father's gaze. He laughed in a way that could only come from despair and disbelief, "Of course, I was taken off of Jotunheim as a means for a political alliance. When that did not work, I had no use. Except, to be used for another political union I see."
Odin's face drew into a scowl, "You still sulk in your pity play when I have provided you an opportunity of which you are less than deserving. The only reason you are not dead is because of Frigga, now you will serve Asgard as it is your duty."
It was now Loki's turn to scowl, "Duty? What duty? I am not even Asgardian! Is that why you choose to marry me off? Not Thor? No, because you could not have the next hire of Asgard be anything but a pure born Asgardian, correct? Else they have no birthright to the throne."
Odin now yelled, "You will listen wisely, I took you in! I saved you, when it seems now I should have left you to die in cold. Now it is your duty to not only return that favor, but also serve your punishment."
"Saved me?! I was nothing to you! No, but another stolen alien object to be later used for leverage! You lied to me my entire life! Now you want to pawn me off."
"I had thought you would be more pleased, considering you are to be a king. Is that not all your selfish heart desires? You will slaughter for a crown, but not wed for one?"
At this point Loki was practically panting, in between the all the screaming and labored breaths. Finally, it had been made clear the source of all his anger. No, it had never been about being King of Asgard, or about having way to a throne. It was about being seen as an equal. The years he had spent drowning in Thor's shadow, desperate for an ounce of their father's approvals and affections that Thor had so easily basked in. Yet, he was only ever second best, never quite good enough for Odin. Only to discover the grim reality that he never was Odin's son, and that is why he was never given the same treatment. The acceptance he yearned to receive would never be his, because regardless of how he was raised, he would never really be an Asgardian in his father's eyes.
"At least allow me time and freedom around the castle to prepare. After all, i should look presentable for my new bride."
When Frigga had approached you about meeting her for tea, of course you could not deny her. Not only was she the Allmother, the Queen of the planet you are currently visiting, and your soon to be mother in law; but there was something about her that was so inviting. It could be because your own mother had passed when you were young, so you were helplessly drawn to someone as motherly as her. She had long curls cascading down her back, inviting eyes, and a beautiful smile. Everything about her was so divinely feminine, it was almost magnetic. You had wondered if it was this that made even a fierce man such as Odin fall for her.
You did not know what to expect when coming to tea, but it was certainly not that you met your betrothed. You had imagined the first time you met Loki to be at the wedding ceremony. After all, it was common in political marriages to not met until the day of your holy union. Still you were slightly thankful to met him under this circumstance, it was much less intimidating. Away from the thousands of peering eyes, the weight of a ball gown, and the promise of matrimony. Rather you were under a gorgeous gold gazebo in a secluded garden area, with stunning Asgardian plants surrounding you, and a natural light glow peering through the trees. When you had looked at Loki, you found that he too was stunning. The art around the castle had not done him true justice, they could not fully depict the tempting nature that surrounded him, the one that possessed and pulled you in before you had a chance to even fight it. He had a certain effortless boyish charm that came with being so easy on the eyes; pretty face and silky hair. He certainly had the captivating appearance of a prince.
"I am sorry to have startled you, your Highness. I wanted to met you before the wedding, but did not have a means to approach you. So, I requested assistance from my mother. I hope you do not take this personally."
He even spoke like a royal, voice all velvety and melodious. Not that it shocked you. Ultimately he was brought up as a prince, regardless of his actions of Midgard, this is a fact that cannot be denied. So you had chosen to take the seat across from him.
"I see, well I had heard stories of your tricks. So I suppose this should have been expected."
He let out a polite and forced laugh, "My reputation proceeds me, your Highness. Please do accept my sincerest apologies, it was not my intention for you to feel tricked or fooled."
He smiled- no smirked at you in a winsome manner, but you refused to be taken in by it, "Tell me then what was your intention in bringing me here, if not to trick or fool."
"It is not a sin for a man to want to know the woman he is courting."
"No, but it is already determined we are to be wed. We have the rest of our times together to know each other afterwards."
Frankly, you did feel tricked into meeting him today. You felt as though you'd ventured into a battle ground unprepared, which was considerably worse when faced with an opponent so unpredictable. You also could not forget that he was dangerous, and had murdered many Midgardians. You would refuse to allow yourself to be fooled by him, or fully let your guard down.
He spoke up once again in passive tone, "I suppose so, but is it not better to go into marriage knowing we have at least exchanged words once before?"
This time he actually did give you more of a smile than a smirk, and it was much more appealing. But, it would not be enough to sway you. He stood up, and reached over to one of the many fetching Asgardian flowers.
"My mother will be here shortly, please do enjoy the teas and deserts I have laid out for you both. They are some of my mother's Asgardian favorites, I figured you may like to try them during your visit as well." He picked a flower that was at full bloom off of the branch delicately, "I come here at noon everyday to read, do with that what you will, my soon-to-be wife."
He smiled at you once again as he handed you the flower. You did not get a moment to speak before he had already seemed to vanish. He truly was as cunning as they say, and the ball was now in your court.
You will admit, Loki had undoubtedly sparked your interest. That's probably why you had found yourself back in the garden again, inching towards that same golden gazebo. But, the moment you heard a soft familiar voice you froze.
"You could have waited the other day, you know."
Frigga had been pointed looking at Loki, but he kept his gaze diverted. Loki countered, "Waited when?"
"Why go through all the trouble of meeting for tea, and not even bothering to stay around long enough to enjoy it?"
Loki's gaze kept studying the patterns on the floor, even as he spoke "My bride was not exactly blushing to get to know me, you see."
Suddenly you felt stopped dead in place, this was a private conversation. You should not be here, this was bordering close on eavesdropping- no you were eavesdropping. This was wrong, but you could not help the morbid curiosity that had over taken you. It was not like you were trying to purposefully stalk their interactions, but they had mentioned you. You only had so much composure, and if it broke down a little because you were more desperate to know your fiancé's opinion of you than you realized, that was not your fault. Truly, you were being tempted far more than any reasonable person could resist
"Well with walls as high up as yours, would you ever let her know you?" Frigga's tone had been a a strange perfectly balanced mix of serious and teasing.
Loki hummed, "If she does not already know of what I've done, she will undoubtedly detest me when she does. If by some miracle that does not push her away, she will eventually see the truth."
Frigga's stare had bore into Loki deeply, "And what is that truth."
Loki did not reply, in fact he had not looked at her this entire time. Always keeping his gaze averted, alike a child keeping his head low when reprimand.
"Always so perceptive of everyone but yourself. My boy, you must look into yourself, and discover the source of these thoughts and feelings. Only then will you be able to distinguish the truth."
It was only now Loki had lifted his gaze to met his mother's eyes, and it was only now that you saw something so raw. There were no lies or shields, his eyes were purely pools of hundreds of emotions. Loki had truly looked like the youngest son now, he had the expression of a young boy as he turned to his mother for guidance.
She simply smiled, "You could trick everyone in all the nine realms, except your mother. I see you for what you truly are, my son."
Loki scoffed, and turned away, "A brute who only thinks for himself, and causes anguish for others."
Frigga had lifted a hand to hold Loki's face. She turned his head towards her, and stroked his cheek in calming manner. She still held that same soft smile and mellow voice, "Monsters do not feel self-condemnation, my little chiseler. You can con every other being into believing you're heartless, but I know differently. I know my son."
Loki laughed, but it was not completely joyful. He put his hand over Frigga's, "You are blinded by love, mother."
Frigga hummed in response, "Is that not just proof there is something worth loving."
She moved so he could take Loki's hands into her own, and for the first time you saw Loki smile. Not some kind of smirk, but an actual smile. It was not aimed to dupe or mislead, but came naturally with no hidden agenda. Now he seemed completely different from the man you had met, or the man you had heard about. He did not give the impression of a swindler, but of a man fighting self discovery.
"Loki, I still believe there is a light within you. I see it in your eyes. I am here for you, please do not allow for your anger and hurt to overshadow it." Frigga had suddenly glanced at you, although it was a split second, you had realized she was aware of your presences the whole time. You could see where he got his teasing smile from, as you saw Frigga now dawn it. She looked back at Loki, "Besides, I feel you have more supporters than you give yourself credit for."
You hurriedly left before Loki's confused looks could find you lurking.
You were scouring the shelves of the royal library, when the possibly most embarrassing moment of your life had occurred. Like some kind of circus clown, you had actually fallen off the ladder. Before you could even react, you felt yourself gently slowed onto the floor. A faint laugh coming from behind you.
"I have not had to use that spell since Loki was a young child, much too eager to read books beyond his years."
Frigga stood above you, a hand out stretched to lift you up. You gave her a bashful smile, as she helped you up.
"Thank you for your heroic rescue, your Majesty. I was not aware you could use magic."
"Yes well, it's always good to have an ace or two up your sleeve."
She had winked at you as she mused.
"You use magic too, I could sense you earlier."
By earlier, you knew she had meant in the garden. Immediately you had felt yourself flush, your cheeks surely breaking out into a blush. You felt the same you did when you were younger, and being caught by the castle chef eating dessert before dinner. You bowed your head.
"Please forgive me, it truly was not my intention to overhear such a private conversation. I had no idea that you would be there. I hope you do not take any offense."
"You do not need to bow, fear not I was never angry to begin with. I, too, would be a little nosy if I saw my espoused and his mother discussing me. Especially, if i did not know him well."
You felt relieved, even if the embarrassment had not completely subsided.
"So, I take it Loki learned his sorcery from you then?"
Frigga beamed nostalgically as she spoke, "Yes. You see Thor and Odin are much a like in the fact that they both take up so much of the attention. I knew it was difficult for Loki to bask in their large shadows. So, I had hoped this would give him his own sun." She paused for a moment, to giggle before she continued, "He was constantly so fascinated by my abilities, even the smallest things. When he was just toddler, still waddling more so than walking, he would watch in awe in awe as I conjured little fireworks. Even as an infant, to whisk a little light around my finger was always the most effective way to stop his tears."
It was clear to you, how much Frigga cherished her son. The way she spoke, compelled you to find joy in the memories with her, despite obviously never having been there. She turned to you.
"I know what you have likely heard, and I know being forced into this marriage is not ideal for you. I ask you to please form your own opinions of Loki. Do not let others, even I, sway you. Loki is more like his father than he would care to admit. He is cold, and sometimes downright cruel. In my experience, I find that usually it comes from fighting a deeper battle. He will most definitely push you away, but I truly think it worth trying to break through. At least then, you will know you have tried to get to know authentic Loki. Not the facade he parades around."
She had grasped your hands, in the similar manner you had seen her hold Loki's in the garden. Her eyes carried such a genuine plea.
"I can assure you of one thing, I do not care what others think. I always planned to test him in my own methods, now more so than ever; considering he is to be my husband."
She grinned at you, "You too carry a little mischief, your Highness."
You tried to think of a reply, but she had already dropped your hands and bid you a goodnight before you could come up with anything worth saying.
Loki had been mildly amused when you did, in fact, show up at the garden like he had hinted. Although, he could not say he was completely shocked considering you appeared to be more sharp than given credit for. Last time, he could almost see the gears turning in your head as you analyzed him and the situation. You kept a keen eye on him the entire time, and whereas he tried to charm you, your responses stayed monotonous with the slightest undertone of a bite behind them. What had him more curious was the pile of books you carried towards him. He almost let out a laugh at how cartoonish it looked, watching you waddle over while heaps of novels looked just about ready to topple over. He put his own book down, one of the ones Frigga had sent him while he was in prison, now that he had actually been able to concentrate on the plot he realized it was quite boring. Long winded stories of karmic punishments, it was not lost on him that this was most likely the reason she had chosen to send this book. At this moment though, you were much more interesting object to study than this book.
"Need a hand with those, your Highness?" He joked. He had not waited for your answer, instead waltzing over to take a portion of the large stack to place down onto the table. You placed the other stack down, and looked up at him. You looked much more interesting now, huffing a little from making the journey over with the large pile of books. You breathed out a small thanks still.
He flashed you cheshire cat smile, "It is truly no problem, didn't even break a sweat." He stared down at the mounds of books, and continued joking further, "I know I said I enjoy to read here, but I was not expecting you to bring this many novels. Is my presence not enough to keep you entertained, your Highness."
You had given him a blank stare, "Oh, you are more mirthful than all the court jesters I have witnessed."
Although, your expression was stern, the teasing tone had let him know to laugh. He decided to tease back, "If you find me so rollicking, then why bother with all the books? I cannot help but wonder."
He had given you a fake pout, the ghost of a smile gracing your lips, but you refused to be so open just yet. "It is time for you to go back to prep school, I do hope you enjoy homework." He quirked his eyebrow, as if urging you to continue. "If you are to rule by my side, you must know about Álfheimr. So I gathered all the books I could find in the Asgardian royal library."
"I see, I have been assigned mandatory reading again. I truly do feel like a schoolboy once more. Albeit, my teachers were never as eye catching as you."
He gave you a flirty wink, but you would not fall for it. You gave him an intent look, "I am unsure if you are used to flattering your way out of course work, but this time it will not work." You had picked up one of the books, and tilted it towards his chest.
He took it from you with that same catty bearing, "Do not fear, I was raised an honest student. Besides as I have already said none of my teachers were so alluring that I had attempted to trifle with them before. Though, it also would have been completely inappropriate."
You shift towards him with a questioning air, "And yet now you deem it appropriate?"
He had inched closer to you, "I assume it normal for a partner to make romantic plays at their fiancée. Predominately, when they find them to be so fetching."
You had now dropped whatever taunting had been left in your tone, "Nothing about us is normal. I will not be swayed by mere sweet talking. This arrogant philanderer persona you have put on does little to attract or repel me. I will be back at the end of this week to discuss whichever of the books you have read, and answer any questions you may have. I will also have in more precise maps, and records brought in from home."
Loki's grin seemed to drop, and his voice too turned ridged, "I understand. I will work to hopefully surpass your expectations, your Highness."
You had given each other a last pointed look, the evaluation of one another had fully began. However, Loki broke out into another grin.
"So do you prefer giving tests, or would an essay be more to your taste?"
"Should have known I would find you reading."
Loki was suddenly startled out of his concentration, as he lifted his head out of the Álfheimr history book he had been reading. Frigga was standing near him with a plate of food.
"In spite of all the centuries that have passed, you still manage to skip dinner in favor of reading. Although, this many books seems excessive; even for you."
Loki gave his mother a grateful nod as he takes the plate from her hands, he truly had been so caught up with educating himself that he did not notice how time had blown past him.
"The crown princess had dropped them all off earlier. I suspect that if I am to be by her side I must demonstrate that I am useful. I appear to have gotten too wrapped up in educating myself."
Frigga gave him a knowing smile, "You were always a studious one, so hunger to prove yourself in anyway you could. It something I had endlessly admired about you, that you consistently pushed yourself to learn and excel in all ways you could." She bushed a hand soothingly through Loki's hair as she spoke, "At some point, though, I had worried that it would turn darker. That one day, your appetite would drive you down a despairing path, so I tried to foster that feeling towards meritorious adventures in our lessons together."
Frigga's hand stilled as she went silent for a moment, but before Loki could reply she continued, "Your father and Thor thought me foolish for having hope in you still. They had thought you were already too far gone in a venomous journey." She took a moment to glance over all the books scattered around, "Yet, I see you turning back to the way of the noble. The way I had known you to be."
Loki had felt this coming since he first spoke to his mother's projection in that cell. Now more than ever though, he had felt that hallowing in his chest intensify. He could not stand to break Frigga's heart anymore, not when she had still been the one person to have so much faith in him. He must not only fulfill his duties, but do so proficiently. No, he needed to be a better a man, if not for himself than for his mother. He would not sham his way out of this, he would not let himself disappoint her this time.
She smiled softly as her hands grazed over one of the books, "You're welcome. After all you seem to be heading to a land of light. Perhaps. one day you can thank me by allowing me to visit you there."
As you had promised, you'd returned later that week with another heap of learning material for Loki. This one, however, was smaller than the last.
"Princess, perfect timing. I had finished the last of the books yesterday night."
You had dropped everything onto the table with a small thump, and for a second a sense of shock overtook you.
"You finished all the books?"
He nodded pridefully, "Every single one, I must say I was not aware the light elves were so specialized in harvests and healing. I also had no idea you had already established connections to the Vanir gods."
You were honestly surprised that Loki had read all the books. Normally, someone would just skim through one or two. Given Loki's under handing history, you had expected him to do the same. Suddenly, you felt a small sense of shame for being so quick to assume and judge. It was multiplied when you had recalled your conversation with Frigga, you had promised to make your own mind up about Loki. Speaking of which he had picked up one of the books, and opened it up to a specific herb.
He has spoken in almost an enthusiastic tone at the discovery, "I mean, we have nothing like this in Asgard. Once the political alliance is set, we should really consider setting up more trade deals. It would also greatly boost Álfheimr, since they would be gaining more money to reinvest back into the economy through increased sales."
You had turned to him almost skeptically, "Did talk Frigga about that?"
Loki had turned back towards you with confusion, "Mother? No. What would she have to do with this?"
He had said it with such conviction, you had chosen to believe he truly did not. So, you sighed out, "That had been my exact proposal when I had first come to Asgard, and Frigga seemed to be the only one who agreed with me."
His gaze had now felt like it bore into you, "You had not originally come to Asgard for a political alliance?"
You shifted away dolefully, "No, simply a trade one."
That hallowing feeling in Loki's chest returned. He had genuinely felt sorry for you. It was not uncommon for realms to seek out advantageous connection for the next in line. He had assumed at the very least you had been seeking a marriage, and had just been unlucky to end up with him. It had felt much worse knowing you did not even want to wed either. But he pushed those feelings down before he could give them much thought. Because the more he considered them, the more he wanted to throw something out of frustration. He had felt more sorrow and empathy in his month of return than his entire lifetime. He did not know why this was happening, considering he had been born a beast. No amount of compunction could change that he was a vermin.
There air suddenly felt a little heavier, so you tried to joke, "Do not fret, I have no need your pity."
Luckily, Loki had played along, "I have no pity, you should consider yourself so blessed to be my betrothed."
You had rolled your eyes as sarcasm had taken over, "Careful if you are any more humble some might think you have chosen to become a virtuous monk."
He fiend offended, "Oh don't go sounding so happy princess, all your better suitors might think you actually enjoy being around me."
You scoffed, "Finally being left alone by men on the marriage mart might be the good thing about this engagement."
Loki seemed to find your answering entertain, "I take it no knights in shining armor have sparked your fancy?"
Your nose scrunched at the insinuation, "No. I'm not a damsel in distress."
"Truly tragic, how am I meant to woo you if you're not in need of saving? Guess you shall hate me for the rest of our days."
"I do not hate you, more so tolerate you. At the very least you are aware you have a brain, and make an effort to use it unlike some people."
Loki's signature grin overtook his face, and he leaned towards you, "Oh what's that? I think it almost sounded like a compliment."
You shoved him away, "Your ego is far too high for your own good."
He put a hand over his chest, "You wound me truly, and here I thought we were getting so close."
You held out a rolled up map towards him, "There is still much for you to learn."
The first thing that struck Thor as off was the manor at which Loki conducted himself at the dinner table. Rather than gloat the moment he was freed from his cell, Loki had not even shown up. Which was strange since given his brother's nature one would expect a prideful monologue about his ability to always come back. A complaint about how unjust his punishment was, while taking a jab at their father's own bloody past. Instead when Loki did show up, he was silent. It was almost as though he was a mere ghost passing through the room, and the only person he had not phased through was their mother. Thor had thought he would surely parade around the castle in his new found freedom, raining some kind of new havoc that would be just enough to cause a stir, but not enough to actually get him in any sort of trouble. Yet, he stayed completely out of sight lurking Norns know where. Honestly, at some points Thor had forgotten Loki had been freed of his cell all together.
Furthermore, Loki had yet to try arguing his way out his engagement. When Loki showed up to dinner, Thor had already braced himself for a screaming match between Loki and their father. Nothing ever came though. He had not even attempted to slither his way off of Asgard, or out of the marriage. In fact, last Thor saw of him, he was reading a book on Álfheimr. Normally, Thor would have chalked it up to the fact Loki had finally had an opportunity to the throne, but paired with the recent change in demeanor; he had known something deeper was going on. Now more than ever, Loki seemed to lean on their mother. Although, out of the two Loki had always been more of the mama's boy, he had actually been asking for advice rather than just helping develop his magic.
As he was taking his walk down to the training grounds, he had heard Loki's voice coming from the Library. Overtaken by curiosity he peered in to find you and Loki leaning over a map with various different books and stationary scattered around. Loki picked up a marker and drew a line across a section of the map, "If we build this new route through here, it will connect this outer village to the main city. The farmers will be able to better sell their produce for profit there."
You shook your head disapprovingly to his proposal picking up another marker to circle a section of the map, "This would prove to be problematic, although we would only be grazing by the edge of the forest the species that inhabit it are unpredictable. It would be best to find another way to avoid it all together."
Thor winced on your behalf, already awaiting his brother's rebuttals. Loki never did take kindly to others shooting down his ideas. Much to his dismay, Loki simply smiled and nodded "Very well, you're the expert here. I will look into Álfheimr's species, and see if there are ways to work around it."
Thor blinked for a moment, still not fully comprehending the sight. That is when he found Loki coming towards the door, only to see his brother's smile drop.
"Thor, to whatever do I owe the pleasure?"
Thor stared at him for a moment, completely dumbfounded at his quick change in demeanor. "I had been simply passing by when I heard your voice, it has been awhile since we last spoke."
Loki had seen you eyeing the two bothers curiously out of the corner of his sight. He put his hand on Thor's shoulder, and lead him away. Once they were a safe distance away from the library, they came to a halt.
Loki spoke with disinterest, "What is it you care to discuss?"
Thor looked confused, "You lead us away? To converse? Why?"
Loki looked bluntly back at him, "You're not an idiot you know why."
Thor had an idea, but he hesitated. "could it be the princess?" Loki just continued to stare at him as though it was obvious, and Thor was almost in disbelief. "You have never filtered yourself around anyone! You've always said such harsh and brass things without a care! You mean to make me believe you lead me out here, so the princess would not hear?"
Loki's tone bite back, "Excuse me for wanting to be cautious how my soon to be wife views me. I do have to spent the rest of my life with her you see."
Thor furrowed his brows, "You have changed."
Loki peered up now slightly agitated, "What?"
"You have become, I don't know, different. You are not picking arguments, not playing tricks, you... you admitted when someone else was right?!"
"Is this not what you and Odin wanted from me?! Nothing I ever do is good enough! Even when I follow what is asked of me, you still make a fuss about it!"
Thor's tone softened a bit, "I do not mean it in a negative way, change is not always horrid. I simply am taken aback by your recent behavior, I mean you would have opposed this marriage mere months ago."
Loki was able to better compose his nerves now that he didn't feel attacked. He could not disagree with Thor there, if this engagement had happened prior Loki would be livid. He cleared his throat, as he spoke trying to keep a monotone voice, "I made a promise to mother. I am not doing this for you or Odin. She's the only person who truly stands by me this entire time; I will not risk destroying that. I cannot- will not allow myself to fail, and break her heart once more."
This was the most honesty Thor had ever heard from the God of Lies. He knew Loki had been truthful, because their mother was one of the few things Loki held close to his heart. It was perhaps the only redline he was not willing to cross, lying on their mother's name. He had felt like he could see a glimpse of what kept their mother hoping for Loki's redemption. He patted Loki on the shoulder, "I dare admit I may have been too harsh in judgment, I can see the hope for good mother saw in you now. Continue on, and you are on the path to being a good man, brother."
As Thor walked off Loki stared into the distance, a good man? Perhaps everyone in this palace has lost their minds.
Loki had not clearly not noticed you still in the library when he came in a huff slamming the door behind you. You found it rather amusing the way his face pulled into a scowl.
You tried not to laugh, "My, someone's mood has turned rather sour."
Loki's head quickly turned towards you, as he tried to compose himself. He felt the small sting of embarrassment being caught in such a stir. "My apologies, I had not realized you were still in here."
You tried to suppress your amusement, but you could not resist the urge to poke a little fun at him, "Clearly. What's got you in such a fuss? Brothers' quarrel?"
Loki let out a frustrated sigh, "It's not that. Thor was just being, I don't know, entirely ridiculous. Truly! I cannot help but wonder if all that time on the training ground has caused him head damage. We should get the royal physician to check, really.
You hummed, "Perhaps, sometime on the training ground is what you need."
Loki let out a dry laugh, "Oh? Maybe if I had head damage too, I would finally be able to get what my brother was harping on about."
You tried to suppress a laugh since it would be quite rude, but it still managed to slip out, "No. I had meant that maybe it would help you blow off some steam."
Loki nodded, "I suppose that would be the more reasonable suggestion."
You grinned back, "Although, I must admit I am rather selfish. I had hoped to see Asgardian magic in action."
"Unfortunately for you, none of the soldiers can use combat magic."
"So only you can use it?"
"Yes, much to your disappointment I assume."
Except, you did not seem disappointed. Instead you had a look of mischief in your eyes, one that Loki recognized very well as a sign of no good. After all, he would know better than anyone else. You smiled, "Spar with me."
Loki's scowl had returned, "You know surely I cannot do that. You are the crown princess of Álfheimr!"
You had tensed as you frowned, "You will not fight me because of my gender? Do you assume because I am princess I cannot hold my own in combat."
Loki rolled his eyes, "I care not what your gender is, you are a royal guest of Asgard!"
You relaxed a little, "You will not fight me because of my standing?"
Loki gave you an obvious look, "Of course not! It would be dishonorable of me to do that to a guest."
Your mischievous smile had return, "As a royal guest of Asgard, I demand you spar with me."
Loki glared at you in disbelief, "Surely, you cannot be serious!"
You kept smiling, "Oh I am incredibly serious. In fact, I will consider it a great disrespect to my status for you to go against my command."
"You're using your status against me?!"
"Yes, well you had just used it against me as well."
"Princess, you cannot be serious. I mean-"
"I will be waiting by the private training grounds at 8 am."
You had swiftly made your way out the door, ignoring Loki's calls and protests. Tomorrow would be an interesting morning indeed.
However you had thought the morning was going to go, it was not this. After Loki had reluctantly agreed to fight you, he proved to be a much more serious opponent than you anticipated. Apparently, if he was going to be coerced into this sparring match, he was not going to take it lightly. It had gone on for what felt like forever, due to all his illusions. Although, they did not stand a chance against your light magic, which was able to help identify the true Loki, but they were energy consuming to fight nonetheless. Every time you had managed to capture him for a split moment, he would swiftly slip out. With every attempt it seemed he grow more guarded, and with those daggers of his, it became almost impossible to get into a close combat zone. When you had finally had the opportunity, you had tried to use light magic against the wrist you were holding. You did not foresee that this would end horribly, as you looked down to Loki's face. His lips tightened, and his breath seized as he let out a low concealed noise of pain. You had then turned your attention back to his wrist to find the area had been burned, and the surrounding skin took a pale blue. Loki's eyes followed yours, and widened once they met the sight. He had the same expression as a deer caught in head lights, but rather than stay in place, he left as fast as he could. You were given no excuse, and you stood there mind riddled with worry, but one pressing question on your mind. He should not have been badly burned by the attack, considering he is an Asgardian. No, in order for it to be that painful he would have to be sensitive to the cold. It was as though, everything had clicked in that moment. His strained relationship with Odin, why the Odin married him off so easily, the conversation you overheard in the garden, it had all added together. You had began to move without even thinking about, you just knew one thing; you had to find Loki.
Loki was about to snap at whoever had the audacity to step into his private chambers, he was not expecting it would be you.
"What are you doing here?"
You looked down at his arm, "That's quite a nasty burn, I'm sorry."
You had reached out to grab it, but he flinched away. You had still grabbed it, using your healing magic on the burn. He starred at you in shock, "What are you doing? Surely, by now you must've realized."
You seemed unimpressed, "That you're a Jotun? Yes, well that is a pretty shade of blue. Shame it burns so easily."
He took in a sharp breath, "You... why aren't you running away? I'm a monster! You know that!"
"Having blue skin, and red eyes doesn't exactly automatically make you a monster."
He pressed his lips into a thin line, "I've murdered serval Midgardains, and my own birth father."
You stilled for a moment as you stared deeply into his eyes, "Do you regret it?"
He was silent for a moment, unsure of what to say. That was all you needed to know, and you continued, "A real monster would not regret it."
He pulled back, "You just don't fully understand it."
Your brows furrowed together, "I cannot begin to understand if you do not permit me to do so."
"Perhaps, it is better that way. Perhaps, I do not wish for you to understand!"
"Why? So you could stay forever distain from me? Do you really think I am so vile?!"
"No, because you would think me vile!"
Both of stood in place unable to move from
the weight of the conversation. You had never known silence could be as loud as it is now. Loki broke it after a moment, sounding and seeming utterly defeated, "If you understand what I truly am, you will undoubtedly be as revolted as the rest."
Your tone had carried an almost offended undertone, "Do you think so low of me? If I had thought was the rest have, I would have never approached you as I did. Loki I do not think you as even disagreeable, let alone revolting."
He scoffed, "You should, to think of me in any other manor will only disappoint me. As it has my mother and brother."
Your tone soften now, losing its sharp edge, "Yet they still love you. They come back every time. They something in you, that makes it worth forgiving. That cannot be without reason, please allow me the chance to glimpse at what they see in you."
He ran a hand through his hair, "You infuriate me!"
You had suddenly grown sharper again, "I infuriate you?!"
"Yes! You are utterly maddening!"
"You're the one who is maddening! Pushing me away when I am just trying to understand you! To maybe, just maybe try to grow to love someone who's supposed to be my future husband!"
"That is impossible because I no longer even understand myself!"
Loki had entirely dropped. His shoulders fell, his face turned downward, it seemed like his body collapsed in on itself. Like it took the last of all his strength to remain standing. His voice was nothing but completely tired, "You... you unravel me. You leave me completely bare, my core exposed to you. No matter how much I try to lie, fool, distract, you're completely immune. I cannot trick you, I have to be honest. It makes me feel so vulnerable. On top of it, my nature does not push you away, regardless of how much it should."
He had looked up at you with the most exposed look on his face, "Why haven't you left? Why don't I want you to leave? Why do you hold my thoughts captive? Why do you make me want to try to be an honest man?"
You had moved to place your hand on his face, now mere inches from him. "I do not know, but we can figure it out together. Just let me in."
He didn't speak any words, and for a moment you had thought he would push you away once more. Instead, he had leaned in. Softly placing his lips on yours. An unspoken promise to try.
