Its been 10 days since I came home. But it feels like hell lot of time.Haven't smiled after first 2 days i.e. since Diwali. Every day passes like eternity. Keep on searching for things to do for the day, but find nothing at the end. Just trying to pass time. I am not sure what am I waiting for. I want to go back to Jaipur first and then to Bangalore. But still haven't been able to plan to go out for it. I have planned for 1st of Nov when I will leave for Jaipur and then to Bangalore the same day. Even my relations are jeopardized with everyone I have around family, friends and other close ones. I have not interacted with anyone recently, actually I don't feel like doing so. Every time I talk to anyone it just increases the pain. Never thought I will be feeling jealous of happy people but that's what is happening to me. Now I don't feel anything. All emotions are dried. There was only one place where I tried to find out peace and support but seems like that has become more of cyclone which has tendency to destroy things coming in way. Never thought in my life that I will be going through this situation, at least not as miserable as it is right now. No one in the family is standing beside me putting a hand on my shoulder and giving a bit of confidence, not even fake confidence. I have not heard the things so sour as am hearing nowadays. Everyone had made me feel like I am like the unwanted son who just grew up to bring disgrace. I understand my parents did a lot of hard work to raise me, to impart me excellent education and to fulfill all my wishes. But my wish to marry girl of my choice doesn't mean I am betraying them. Why does it make them think that I am leaving the house and there won't be any relations between them and me afterwards. They may have seen failure cases in their lives but it doesn't mean there aren't any successful love marriages. I believe the percentage of success is more than the failures. Everyone keeps on preaching me daily about my parents ill health, their sacrifices for me, their name and status in the society and telling me that I am not worrying about anything of it and I am just being selfish. I don't understand where do they get thoughts that I don't want to take care of them. I want to serve them my whole life, keep them happy, take care of them and make them proud in future. Just wanting to live with a partner of my own choice doesn't change anything, at the end we will be family. I keep on thinking to say that I am leaving and going back to Bangalore, but something is stopping me, I don't know what but something in me. I am not afraid to go but I don't know what is it. Its time now I will have to tell them I am leaving and going to join my job back again. I have enough of lectures now, I am really completely fade up of all this listening, my head will burst out soon. Hope this time I don't get any counter and not forced to stay.












