Queer Jewish Thinker

My inspiration to blog came out of my sporadic contributions to Torah Queeries, a GLBT and allied scripture commentary run by Jewish Mosaic (now aligned with Keshet). Anything that appears on my blog will either be queer Torah/Haftarah analysis or a queer look at Jewish sacred times...in addition to experiences I've had being "out" as Jewish, gay and vegan and analysis to that effect. Some commentary about articles appearing in the paper or certain magazines (e.g. Maclean's) linked to sexuality and faith will appear too.

[hineini]

holy timing picked

To someone Jewish ten and seven can both indicate completion, respectively serving to show how many Jews are necessary for full worship, including the Kaddish, to be run, and work life balance given God creating the world in a six-day frame.

Today I learned my death has been scheduled to happen at 10 tomorrow morning.

Hmm.

November 7.

Dying at 10.

Seems to go to show God’s saying to one of their many queer Jews, It’s alright to come home. I’m making its timing as holy as I can.

So looking toward that time I could scream, excited as I am to enter their holy abode, where experiencing discrimination as a dyke will be downright impossible.

[hineini]

aren't they appropriate

iterance

strains

cameoing

avoiders

advisors

goliard

constant

parodies

retracts

integer

embryos and righted

So went the surreal successes I had getting in the game earlier today.

How many an iterance of phobic shit have I heard on earth? way too many and I'm ecstatic they're due to stop entering my ears Friday once I disappear a hundred percent.

All too aware many people will be feeling strains of some kind after I die and my street sister had to strain when she came to receive one last hug set.

God knows many people engage in cameoing, trying to depict as someone else. Half-wonder, in light of the fact I spent my childhood under expectation to self-depict as someone I never knew, understood, etc. myself to be, if I was cameoing her.

As to avoiders and advisors, linked as they feel? Kindergarten easy saying my ex-employer was packed with avoiders of those who are queer, whether as sexual orientation and/or gender identity has it. Don't remember how many times higher authorities gave me shit for coming out as gay and/or saying anything about other GLBT realities, natural as it felt for me to talk students through anything and everything. As many advisors had it, I'd simply have my situation improve if I didn't say anything. Did I honour that idea of theirs? No, as a self-accepting dyke I definitely didn't do so to save my life as any analysis has it, goliard as I felt comfortable being, even talking trans realities through with kindergarten children (substituting outside and inside to mean sex and gender identity; God knows vocabulary adaptation's not a daunting challenge chez moi a second)

As it is today, it seems a constant stream of phobic shit's visible and/or audible; remember celebrating when it stopped years ago and time travel means it has come once more, perhaps even creating parodies of shit that happened years ago. Don't enjoy spotting parodies but they're real, no questions asked. They're hardly anything a phobic team happily retracts either, like a semi-apology I received after hearing someone dub being gay a sexual preference rather than sexual orientation during a meeting I was summoned to years ago either.

Integer? Can be positive or negative in nature and often mistaken, no different than we queer people run risk of being taken. As to embryos and righted, had me laugh a little due to awareness many phobic people would be happy to right a situation if they had potential to pick their child's sexual orientation, gender identity and/or sex. Super easy saying many of us queer people would say a wrong had been righted if discriminatory legislation disappeared

Had to laugh conjuring that word group, appropriate as I'm not denying they struck me since I'm making moves toward disappearing a hundred precent.

[hineini]

so easy smiling

As if I could avoid smiling a second.

No, it was completely automatic.

If you're stranding today, you will have to set some films whose titles have four letters aglow. One of the films chosen is homographic, making reference to someone's last name and/or something that was recognized as a food group long ago.

As if I could complain a second about having the chance to illuminate the last name of the inaugural out gay gentleman elected to public office inside the USA.

His last name might be linked to dairy, something I stopped consuming years ago when I went vegan but as a queer peer as sexual orientation has it =) Super easy savouring that experience no questions asked.

He set an inspirational energy for many GLBT people when he was elected decades ago, sad as I'm not denying his murder was due to how lethal homophobia is. It's so lethal it can receive recognition as the rationale I'm having help dying Friday. Have as much self-acceptance as somebody gay-and any/other kind of queer you want; doesn't mean you won't be affected by discrimination any. He saw coming out as natural behaviour to engage in, no different than me. He, however, was given shit for doing so, seen as drawing attention toward details taken as problematic if not worse, once more no differently than me and killed for doing so. Maybe I'm having help dying, something very different than being murdered by a homophobe. However, my vocation was definitely killed by an organization that felt making appropriately necessary reference to my sexual orientation if engaging in small talk started by students that involved heterosexism and/or intervening during homophobic bullying was rationale enough to dub me defective and unfit to be an employee of theirs.

I'm not unaware dairy can prove toxic to anyone who has an allergy to it. However, if you're gay (and/or trans to extrapolate) its homographic name has potential to serve as a symbol of hope, giving you evidence you're not the only one; others have set new paths and you can travel. Different as our journeys have proven I'm game to join Harvery Friday so we can be higher order peers, separate as we will only be via sex and path to where God is.

[hineini]

thank God for that at minimum

Certainly helped that something was able to transpire as been hoped yesterday given some unexpected social interactions.

Someone else linked to the only sacred spot I've felt eligible to come inside since the war started came to my home so we could make some music, talk about random shit as we felt was right to integrate inside our conversation flow-definitely included some pieces about being queer and simply being different, easy as she had it voicing annoyance somebody straight talked about her partner, making it known that vocabulary had been appropriated by her, and automatic as it was for me to say something about the fact people should simply say what they mean and mean what they say, as I've always tried to encourage them to do via subversive means, like giving a cashier I spoke to on the phone last winter-after they told me they only had 'regular' milk- it's alright if you only have dairy, I'm simply striving to learn a lesson.

I won't ever figure anything out about various vocabulary pieces. I mean, if someone straight wants to dub someone else their partner I won't gripe a second due to the fact it offers implication they want their relationship to be balanced. Won't ever figure anything out about something or somebody being 'regular though since it always makes me think about pop and wonder whether someone different is diet, decaf and/or a different kind. No, if I have to talk things like that through, expect me to render stereotypical and eccentric audible please and thank you. Doing shit like that strikes me as completely logical given how high God was when they were making me years ago, queer enough as I am to illuminate the entire rainbow as someone defiant of heterosexism as much as possible, whether due to divine intervention as an asexual dyke who's also genderqueer or personal decision-making like being vegan, plus ability to relate to trans experience since-as it feels easy for me to explain-my mistaken name was my childhood sex and my real name was my gender identity during childhood.

So easy to savour music-making plus discussion flow with her, peer of mine as she very much is. Couldn't complain about the fact we wound up having a last-second scrabble session in addition. Sure, I felt some disappointment neither of use wound up making any surreal move but being able to get in the game via tangible rather than online means struck me as a sacred experience, come laugh if you want. Her request I sign the scoring sheet sure had me smiling, may it and its linked memories, linguistic and/or musical, always bring her joy =)

[hineini]

didn't expect that at all

My plan yesterday had been to appear at an online program on time then make music with someone I regard as a-put musical in if you want-sister.

Did it happen?

No, it didn't, half since I wound up being late due to confusion I felt about time transition and half due to the fact I had to cease listening to the session due to an unexpected visit someone else gave me.

During that frame, I wound up talking her through everything that had led me to deduce my religious home's inside Judaism and give me self-acceptance as one of God's gay children.

Hardly mortifying as topics went but I was, to be diplomatic, very disappointed I couldn't exactly appear at the program. Hardly sure if she was trying to brace herself for the fact I'm disappearing off to Switzerland to have help dying but I obviously strove to be (as?) polite (as possible?)...

[hineini]

videos conjured by my brain

Sure, my brain clearly had to conjure some videos during various games I had according to multiple successes I had making my letter assortments vanish multiple times during their respective runs.

During my inaugural occasion doing so today I put exertion and refusal in position on the board. Pretty linked to severe psychological fatigue I had to experience, desperate as my ex-employer was to make me STFU despite my total recognition that coming out as gay when appropriately necessary was never a mistaken behaviour to engage in. Don't exactly doubt board authorities felt fatigue too, disappointed as they were by that failure or refusal of mine to honour their instructions.

As to the second one? Very much linked to stress about demonstrating proper faith since that word group included whiners, godliest and neighbor. As if some kind of competition was going on inside a neighbourhood to show they could honour some religious dictate(s?) as strictly and/or for as long a time as possible. Couldn't avoid picturing someone's family whining to authorities, "No, they're godlier than we are; they're the godliest one. We don't deserve any credit you're trying to give us, thank you"

Super easy to picture myself attempting to survive being at a party and getting, to be diplomatic, all fed up during the game I had success putting agitated and partying in position; God knows I'm not a partyer at all and driven insane by loud noise, pressure to imbibe in anything alcoholic, etc. things basically expected during parties. If I'd been able to simply write praying on the board I'd have been ecstatic, appropriately applicable as that verb is to my life given my quiet Jewish faith. However I had to affix everything to a t already on the board...

Slow as I had it figuring out a path to help it find its way home, I had a chance to write veterans on the board during the game I had its letter group during. As my ending move, I was able to put beignets in position. As if, in light of that conclusion, I could avoid happily musing about a magical dessert spot in my neighbourhood, experts as they are at making doughnuts that will happily nourish as many people as they can. No, they're not accessible to anyone who has celiac disorder and/or specific allergies, soy included. However, your average vegan like me can come in and order what they want without making their dietary difference known since the food speak about its defiance of dietary heterosexism if it can; if vegan's visible at the bottom left corner of the flavour's explanation you will feel it's something you can enjoy if it honours other personal... (put in anything you want) of yours.

My last video experience came during the game when I wound up having everything, space included, to put mooners, eloiners and scrawler in position. Hmm. Picture someone making their ass visible to facilitate somebody else's escape after stealing something and them spotting someone engaging in scrawler rather than artistic graffiti. Hardly anything to enjoy but automatic for my brain to picture no problem at all.

[hineini]

Are they all linked up?

Anyone wordling today had to deduce that writing rabid was necessary in order to win the game. Once my mother figured it out, she said something about a sick dog. Easy as it was for me to second her sentiments, I also gave her some gentle reassurance it had something to do with our species too since passionate fandom of something and/or somebody can receive such recognition, whether a cult leader or simply an esteemed presidential figure (something between genuine and sarcastic putting it like that).

During some random Scrabbling sessions of mine later today, I was able to write editor, naturals, federals, resonate, suitable, edition, parental and enaction on the boards I had their respective letter assortments.

Couldn't an editor be taken as demonstrating rabid support or hatred for something depending whether they picked or didn't choose certain letters for publication inside their paper than others? Doesn't seem daunting for me to suspect, easy as any newspaper can have it being on the left or right. Any individual editor could be taken like that in addition; God knows editing of mine will indicate various ideas, biases, etc. no questions asked, whether at large (e.g. affirmation of anyone queer as sexual orientation and/or gender identity has it) or zoomed in as personal analysis has it (dub me a dyke or gay woman rather than lesbian, please and thank you).

People like me, who regard respecting people as they want to be known as right, will be identified as naturals-perhaps via a dismissive tone of voice by people who don't want to show such respect-for doing so. I'm not unaware talking to and/or about others properly can show a kind of talent, easy as my mom has it failing to acknowledge the right gender identity a friend of mine happens to have. Doesn't mean I don't feel uneasy being talked about like that though.

Having a look to federals, whether mine, those inside the USA and/or those inside any other nation on earth, can easily show how supportive governments are about something, whether broad stroke or inside specific spots. Sure doesn't seem hard saying federals here are much more supportive of trans people than those inside the USA and federals inside many other nations don't want to give any protection to anyone under the GLBT rainbow umbrella, happy as they are to criminalize bisexual and gay people for simply coming out, let alone doing anything sexual in nature.

If a message speaks to you as a peer, it will resonate as something positive in nature. If it talks to you implying you're problematic, its resonance will be negative, right? It would be nice if everything always had the kind of resonance we want but it very obviously won't always be so. To that effect, if its resonance is proper to you, it will probably be taken by you as suitable, whereas something counter to anything you regard as right won't be so. Don't have it hard saying I'm very much a group member, happy to avoid unsuitable (as in bigoted) news as completely as I can, repulsive as I find it.

It's not as if we're unaware something can change according to its edition number either. Something could have started according to the half of something we felt was right then flipped. It could have been problematic to us at its start then became something we were able to regard as right, perhaps as inclusion or exclusion had it (since years ago it was easy to spot man, as opposed to human, kind being put to paper, supposedly acknowledging everyone no matter their sex)

How much parental behaviour has helped young people feel rabidly about something, for better or worse? Don't have it hard saying it has exerted an effect on me as far as alcoholic drinking goes. I'm very much a teetotaller due to everything I witnessed my dad go through as a functional alcoholic.

Come to today and many discriminatory policies have undergone enaction, enabling organizations, governments etc. to ensure peoples' realities are ignored if not downright denied. Much as my ex-employer has it easy denying its authorities have done so, I'm hardly unaware they enacted something to make me disappear, rabid as they are about their determination to ensure people like me don't influence students a second.

Pretty crazy those individual terms happily went to create a 'rabid' rainbow. Perhaps I'm not supposed to feel shocked given seven's a number linked to completion inside Judaism and I'm a genderqueer Jewish woman, doing a 180. Obviously fascinating no matter anything.

[hineini]

Safe saying I had no idea at all that an event I wound up making music during last second was being recorded. Doesn't mean I'm about to complain, honour as it was to participate =)

Since healing was a theme permeating through everything, it felt completely appropriate and right for a certain genderqueer (asexual/) gay Jewish woman to sing Mi Shebeirach, healing prayer as it is inside Judaism.

Couldn't help sharing everything with many people who opted to appear during the ritual run to...dub it acknowledge my life and/or celebrate that my application to have help dying was able to be taken as right as you want Wednesday afternoon, easy as my intuition has it believing they'll be happy they can hear my voice whenever they want even after I've finished making my ascent so I'm where God is

[hineini]

appropriate singletons

seeding

cajoling

headlong

mistruth

Sure, they were put to different boards. Doesn't mean they don't share something, linked directly and/or indirectly to dying as they are.

If someone came to the program run to acknowledge my life (and/or help me celebrate that my application to have help dying was able to receive affirmation), something they heard during its frame could have started seeding some new ideas inside their brain, whether about being different-since no denying I'm queer enough to set the rainbow aglow.

Someone I've seen as a street sister as our ages and childhood homes have it my whole life has been (as she'd probably put it if she could) cajoling me, trying so very hard to say I shouldn't die at all, let alone with help given by others.

On top of that, she wants to think I dove headlong into everything, failing to grasp that I've been trying so hard to live a kind of life that's impossible for me to live, necessary as certain things are for me to live and I'm being denied any access to those pieces. Much as I've tried to point everything out to her, she doesn't seem to be able to grasp that she can and outright will speak a mistruth.

I doubt she aspires to do it, but God knows a certain (asexual/)gay Jewish vegan genderqueer woman is always POed if something like that winds up being communicated via any means.

[hineini]

video group

smarten, connote and relieve

enamours and lording

adequate and largely

showable, parodied and credits

During some other scrabble sessions of mine I was able to write the above terms on their respective boards.

Inaugural group? Perhaps something to do with gentle, subversive actions of mine taken to educate others about my decision to have help dying since I was able to receive permission to do it by Pegasos' authorities.

First pair? Don't have it hard picturing a certain-obviously being sarcastic-political leader inside the USA given how much many a peer of his enamours his behaviour, words and so much more.

Second pair? Felt automatic for me to think about my application once more and concern I'd felt that it would run risk of being denied due to its failure to be stereotypical in nature. Hardly a challenge to muse about my street sister's effort to convince me to remain on earth which I definitely won't since God has given me permission to come be where they are on Friday.

Second group? Seem they're linked to cinematic creations, easy as it can prove for debates to be run about whether something's showable whether at large or inside a specific context; sometimes things are only seen as fit to be seen if they're parodied and once something has finished its credits will come appear.

Didn't expect to conjure anything necessary to create a single video let alone a quartet like that but so it went.

[hineini]

Did her energy come get in the game?

Didn't have it hard wondering if it had success doing so as I put alarmism and tweener in position on the board during a game after I read through her email attempting to convince me to stay on earth.

She's desperate to think I'm pushing too hard being desperate to die despite her awareness about time involved in everything, me having shit hard my entire life then magnifying once I was fired (ostensibly due to my seizure condition but as I'm above and beyond aware as many a timing coincidence has it according to how uncomfortable HWDSB authorities are with GLBT employees who regard coming out during discussion flow and/or intervention to stop bullying as automatic) and my awareness I'm very much between various categories and/or defiant of stereotypes ascribed to demographic differences of mine (like being pretty observant among liberal Jews prior to the war isolating me away from synagogue, saying as little about my diet as I can since I don't aspire to make others vegan and/or endure any kind of nutrition lecture).

Had to laugh a little, sad as I'm not denying it was a second.

[hineini]

as if she can change me any

My street sister very clearly wants to think she can convince me to remain on earth rather than have help dying on Friday, as if that's a remotely realistic feat for her to accomplish.

No, God has sanctioned me coming home and I'm ecstatic I will be able to make that ascent no questions asked.

She seems to want to think I'm doing something last second rather than anything involving a thorough application accompanied by analysis; as I've told her multiple times being something between genuine and sarcastic a response wasn't shot my way about my submission in an hour and a half. Multiple months went by between everything and I'm happy everything I put in was seen as satisfying their expectations.

As it is, I hope and pray she can come to terms with it, may someone higher help her through as best they can.

[hineini]

some symbolic others

As if they didn't seem to scream something symbolic to one of God's gay children.

During some different occasions I had to get in the game, I had everything necessary to write learned, declined and lingered during their respective runs.

Learned?

Hmm.

Suspect many people learned something when they went to something two days ago, whether they simply received some kind of higher order insight into personal experiences of mine or they put together some pieces. Don't have it hard figuring others have learned various things through me during interactions in addition, whether it was about their potential-or lack of potential-to embrace somebody God had created as one of their queer children, grasp something about vegan realities and/or anything else that shows heterosexism defiance.

Declined?

Kindergarten easy saying many offers of mine have been declined through the years according to discrimination engaged in by various individuals and organizations; God knows I was expecting my application to have help dying to be declined due to its failure to offer sufficient evidence thank you.

Lingered?

Doesn't seem daunting for me to say I don't want to have to linger trying to seem as decent as I can despite society being desperate to disable me as much as possible due to its perception I'm problematic according to how different I am, making my appreciation my application wasn't declined magnified a million percent.

So goes life sometimes, right?

[hineini]

How right that is

During a different edition of the game, I was able to write amenity and reorient during its flow.

Hmm.

As if it feels any kind of hard for me to think having help heading higher, where God is, isn't an amenity at all, thank you.

Very much have an impression, according to many a discussion I had with people who opted to come to Wednesday's event celebrating that scheduled departure of mine might have helped them reorient some understanding they have about dying, socialized as I don't doubt many if not all of them were to regard death as something to fear (maybe even worse).

Sure looking toward the amenity Pegasos will give me a week today, making it the seventh of November when I die. Seems symbolic to somebody Jewish since that number's known to symbolize completion and work-life balance. =)

[hineini]

so easy smiling

During a certain linguistic game of mine, I had everything necessary to put laywomen and persons in position on the board. Did it hurt I was able to do it during consecutive moves of mine? No, it definitely didn't.

Simply meant I was able to think once more about a team of laywomen accompanied by a non-binary leader who helped that, as it feels right to my quiet brain to dub it, acknowledgement of life run two days ago in order to celebrate that I will be making my way to Switzerland Tuesday to have help dying three days later.

Didn't strike me as daunting to muse about any legal definition, analysis, etc. person has had through the years either; God knows I'm aware members of my sex and/or assumed gender identity didn't have it hard being denied recognition as people fit to vote, have certain kinds of jobs, etc. years ago and it hasn't exactly stopped in modern times, easy as trans people have it being denied many kinds of freedom, especially if their transition isn't taken as finished, game as many discriminatory organizations are to think somebody's gender identity has to be a hundred percent identical to sex in order to be receive recognition as right.

As to anything transpiring in Switzerland a week today, it simply goes to show Pegasos has it easy feeling I have total personhood to decide to have help making my life finish, no matter any specific circumstance that has led me to feel it's right if not completely necessary.

[hineini]

How many do we have???

And which kinds?

Do they provoke joy and/or pandemonium among others?

My brain promptly posed that query as I deduced I was able to write talents and had space to write it on the board during the game its letter group came toward me.

Safe saying I'm unaware mine haven't always been the kinds others want; God knows I've disappointed many due to the fact I'm musical as opposed to athletic, no questions asked a second.

I'm, in addition, aware that certain things I regard as personal strength, like feeling comfortable talking about certain kinds of things, can prove problematic if not worse. How many classes was I denied chances to help in after a homophobic leader heard me saying I'm gay during everyday small talk discussion started by a student or wind up coming out during bullying interventions of mine? God knows it's a half-decent number. Clearly remember denying myself some jobs inside a high school class I loved after the teacher went hyper when I said something about synagogue, uncomfortable as she was with Jews, whether at large or if they dared make their faith audible like that.

I'd obviously rather simply think about things like music, coordination etc. if asked to name talents humankind can have. However, I'm all too aware many regard acknowledging queer realities as a strength and/or weakness too, may I manage to come to terms with it (as?) completely (as I can?)

[hineini]

no one should be seen like that

No matter any difference(s) anyone might have, they shouldn't be seen as somebody to alienate at all.

As if I don't grasp it, having had others alienate me time and time again, even inside spaces I'd been led to believe were completely safe spots I'd always be welcome in. God knows I said Kaddish once I clued into the fact I didn't honour an unwritten dictate inside my second ex-synagogue, easy as it had it coming out as a Zionist space once the war started two years ago

I'm not unaware some people might regard actions of mine as giving evidence I'm trying to alienate them but I'm happy to hear their sentiments and adapt everything as I can; if I don't feel their request is realistic, appropriate, etc. for me to honour I will fill them in and/or simply avoid interacting with them.

Sure seemed slightly surreal to realize my letter group was able to cooperate with something already on the board to enable alienate to come into being on the board. Then again, it probably shouldn't have shocked me, easy as I have it understanding alienation as multiple analyses have it, eccentric as many realities of mine are.