wayward vagabond

being mentally ill is my only personality trait

[hireath24]

yeah no this is my last post. sorry if im disappointing anyone but i can’t keep living like this anymore. i dont want to. thank you... its been fun

[hireath24]

Erawan.... with bangs 😎 Join the cult.

I keep seeing this...

If you can’t beat them, join them!

[hireath24]

Fuck okay I know this might not work for everyone but I just realised that if I k!ll m!self then I’d be killing all my future children and you know what?

I’m still here tonight because of that

[hireath24]

I don’t know why it annoys me so much when stans act like SJM is like George R.R. Martin in killing off her characters when the only people who die are POC, characters who had little relevancy to the main plot, or characters whose only purpose was to die for effect

Yes, I’m looking to the thirteen in that last part

[lilytriestoexist]

heIion is not good bi rep

hi, i'm lily, i'm bisexual, and i'm angry, in that precise order. someone on tiktok decided to say that sarah janet had decent lgbt representation so i'm going to discuss why heIion specifically is not good rep.

the following excerpts are from A C0urt of Wings and Ruin (final book in the AC0TAR series) by Sarah J Maas, pages 937-939. i have altered the names to follow tagging etiquette so stans don't see this post.

“Well, now I look as bad as Beron.” He strode straight past me with a wink, stalking into the sitting room. He grinned at AzrieI. “You handing Eris’s ass to him will be my new fantasy at night, by the way.”

AzrieI didn’t so much as bother to look over his shoulder at the High Lord. But Cass/ian snorted. “I was wondering when the come-ons would begin.”

right off the bat in this scene, it's established that heIion is flirtatious and often makes [sexually] suggestive comments. why is that questionable in this context, you may ask? because the idea of bisexual people being incredibly hormonal is a stereotype that's persisted for a long time.

this is the second time she's had a bi character with some semblance of significance to the story be hypersexual (the first was aedi0n in t0g, who was known as adarIan's whore and spoke of his sexual prowess). i'm not saying bisexual people can't be written as flirtatious and sexual, and i am in no way saying it's a bad thing to enjoy sex, but it's highly questionable when an author continuously writes bisexual characters with that stereotype. it reinforces that harmful stereotype and continues to give false impressions about the sexuality, as well as leaning into the idea that we are more likely to cheat due to this supposed universal high sex drive, which is totally untrue.

“It’s been what—four centuries now, and you three [AzrieI, Cass/ian, and M0r] still haven’t accepted my offer.”

M0r lolled her head to the side. “I don’t like to share, unfortunately.”

“You never know until you try,” HeIion purred.

The three of them in bed … with him? I must have been blinking like a fool because Rh/ys said to me, HeIion favors both males and females. Usually together in his bed. And has been hounding after that trio for centuries.

we've got heIion's bisexuality explicitly stated in the text! i really do think that was something sarah janet did right, instead of leaving it ambiguous and only slightly hinting at it. unfortunately, that's where the things she did right end.

so, heIion is bisexual. great! but in this scene this sexuality reveal is accompanied by heIion wanting a foursome with azrieI, cass/ian, and m0r, which he's been asking after for literal centuries. it's also stated that he likes males and females 'together in his bed.' not so great. why? because the idea of bisexuals being into threesomes and the like is a shitty and harmful stereotype that is seriously offensive to most bisexuals. it feeds into the idea of bisexual people being lustful and up for anything, which i can assure you is not an accurate generalisation at all.

i'm in awe at how sarah janet decided to write her lgbt representation here. it's honestly shocking how blatantly stereotypical this portrayal of bisexuality is, and how if you want to write good rep, you would not adhere to and perpetuate stereotypes. and no, i'm not overreacting, because heIion is a minor character without much pagetime and development, so this is the extent of his sexuality being discussed and portrayed, and it is pure, unjustifiable garbage. it's clearly stated that heIion likes threesomes (males and females together in his bed) and is even after a foursome with cass/ian, m0r, and azrieI. it's an obvious and well-known stereotype, it's completely unnecessary, and it's incredible that sarah janet decided this was how she was going to write her 'bi rep'.

in case it needed more stating: bisexual people aren't keen on threesomes just because they like more than one gender. bisexual people aren't there for you to fantasise about a threesome. not all bisexuals have a high sex drive. bisexuals aren't more likely to cheat.

I considered—Helion’s beauty and the others … Why the hell haven’t they said yes?

Rh/ys barked a laugh that had all of them looking at him with raised brows.

My mate just came up behind me and slid his arms around my waist, pressing a kiss to my neck. Would you like someone to join us in bed, Fayre darling?

My skin stretched tight over my bones at the tone, the suggestion. You’re incorrigible.

I think you’d like two males worshipping you.

My toes curled.

of course rh/ys mentioning heIion's bisexuality and interest in threesomes is used as a lead in for faysand's mental sexting. of course a character's bisexuality is used as an excuse for our least favourite heterosexual couple to fantasise about having their own threesome. i've got a bad feeling sarah janet only made heIion bisexual to use the infamous threesome stereotype so she could have faysand talk about having one, and if god forbid i'm right, that's incredibly shitty.

in conclusion, heIion is bad bi rep because he's portrayed using harmful stereotypes about bisexuals (lustful and hypersexual + threesomes) and isn't given any depth beyond that since he's a minor character, and sarah janet's attempt at being inclusive and having well-written diversity was an abject failure. i'll probably dissect m0r's disaster of a coming out as well at some point because holy shit, that was a trainwreck. but yeah. the end. 🏳️‍🌈

[hireath24]

Why the fuck are her toes ALWAS CURLING

[walp-gisnep-deactivated20210512]

So I was thinking about Frost and Starlump (as one does, in these troubled times), more specifically the argument stans have for Rice in the sex scene and I thought:

This wouldn’t even be up for discussion if Fetus and Rice’s child was female. Rice sees a vision of their little girl and orgasms? There would be uproar. Even the stans would be throwing AssCOTAR out the window.

But no. Because it’s a little boy and doesn’t fit the ‘classic’ example of pedophilia, it’s up for debate whether or not it’s disgusting.

Idk just a thought

[hireath24]

THE FUCKING VOLUME

[inthemidstofbuddie]

hmm. taken from a stan insta...what say you?

[hireath24]

Is anyone else annoyed at the ‘favourite ballad around war-camp fires’ because I’m 1000000% sure she’s used the same idea in TOG

[hireath24]

I check the anti tag everyday and there is so much new content recently! Like damn you guys, hi. Did I miss something👀

[daphneblakess]

i will tolerate any treatment. like, i’m desperate for gay ya, and i’ll put up with anything. like, i’ll hear there’s a new ya novel with gay characters and i’ll read it no matter who wrote it - i don’t wanna name names so let’s just sort them all into a category; let’s call that category “straight people”. so i’ll pick up this ya novel written by one of these straight people and i’ll open it and say “can i get a canon gay ship please?” and the book says “sure. it’s two hypersexualized white twinks.” and i’ll go “okaaay!” and then i’ll finish that book and go back to the bookstore and say “any updates?” and the next book says “yeah there’s a lesbian in this one but she dies in an unnecessary and graphic scene. because i hate you! now take this character who’s clearly bi but just says they ‘don’t like labels!’ go! fetch!” and i go “okaaay!” and i go over to a popular series that’s confirmed one of its main characters to be queer and go “so how are you going to mesh this with their previous characterization?” and it goes “actually they’re going to be reduced to either a walking stereotype or a Suffering Gay™!” and i go “okaaay!” and it goes “you’ll settle for being happy i allowed your people to exist in my universe!” and i go “noooo” and it goes “say it! say you won’t subtweet me about it because i was nice enough to stop making straight the default sexuality for every one of my characters!” and i go “you’re so brave. :)” and then i wait a few months until i hear there’s finally a book with a sapphic main character and i go “please tell me she gets a storyline beyond her sexuality. i’m dying.” and it goes “no! in fact, her entire conflict is her unrequited crush on her straight best friend and the violent homophobia of the people around her! and since you left it a 2-star review on goodreads, i’m gonna frame you for murder!” and i go “why are you doing this to me?!?” and it goes 

🎵🎵 “Because my author fundamentally doesn’t understand how to write gay characters as normal humans, and life is a fucking nightmare!” 🎵🎵

[hireath24]

If you didn’t read this in the voice of John Mulaney then we can’t be friends

[portabledocumentgf]

It starts, as it will end, with a garden.

[mush-dooms]

I literally hate this so much; you think eating disorders are fun, huh? you wish you had this? you think it’s a bunch of delicate girls in frilly pink skirts and knee-high socks daintily sipping green tea and turning down cookies? mirror selfies with a six-inch gap between your legs and collarbones that resemble the skeleton in your science teacher’s closet? you think you’ll be happy when you hit your gw, that this lifestyle is somehow maintainable and fun and cute and romantic? no! it’s being handed a twelve page packet of foods and realizing you can only eat about 20 of them without wanting to crawl out of your fucking skin. it’s puking into a cardboard box in your room at 1am because you binge ate an entire box of cookies in ten minutes and then crying on the floor because how could I have been so stupid? it’s spending half an hour meticulously removing the walnuts from a packet of oatmeal because you didn’t realize they were going to be in there and I’m not going to eat a walnut, goddammit. It’s staring at  half of a bagel and crying because you have to eat it and yet it’s so fucking terrifying. it’s obsessing for hours over what your next meal is going to be and having a panic attack when that meal is unavailable. it’s spending hours on restaurant websites trying to figure out how to get the lowest calorie menu item possible. it’s a living fucking hell and I wish I had never fallen down this nightmare of a disorder because now I’ve got to claw my way out and it doesn’t want to let me go. it may never fucking let me go. I might just have to learn to live down here as best I can, a life sentence of hell. fuck this, fuck pro ana, fuck thinspo, fuck society for making us think that this is desirable in any way, shape, or form, and if I sound pissed off it’s because I am because no one should ever look at a person struggling to stay alive and wish that would happen to them. if you haven’t fallen in yet, run. run like the devil himself is coming after you. run before it’s too late and you’ve wasted years of your life trying to make yourself disappear. run so that you’ll never have to claw yourself out. and if you’ve already fallen? well, then you best begin that climb. I’m on my way out, too.

[hireath24]

Honestly my biggest fear about recovery is that I won’t ever be fully recovered. This is my life now and I’ll just have to learn how to ignore the ed in my head telling me I’m not good enough

[geeneelee]

Crowley, the bicon (bipolar icon)

Bipolar is one of those terms that is thrown around a lot without most people actually understanding the condition itself, but, as a bipolar person

Crowley lines up with my understanding of Bipolar Disorder.

The thing about classical bipolar disorder that people don’t get is that the symptoms last for weeks to months at a time (importantly to my argument, perhaps years at a time for an immortal being?)

But let’s talk about the two poles of bipolar disorder:

There’s mania, where you’re active! excited! doing lots of things! thinking very fast! doing very stupid and risky things! feeling kind of over-sensitive! you think you can do anything! talking a million miles an hour about absolutely anything!

I’d argue that perhaps the mid to late 20th century is this for Crowley-he’s all over the place, rearranging a whole highway, doing really godawful dancing, etc. He made himself a garden! Whatever he’s doing, he’s doing a lot of it and Satan’s impressed. 

And he’s got risky behavior down pat–running headlong into a church with half a plan for a friend he (according to the script) hasn’t seen in 80 years, trying to break into a church, everything about the way he drives the Bentley.

He also very much seems to have his brain moving at a hundred miles an hour sometimes-think “DUCKS!” in the middle of another conversation, frequently getting off topic, etc etc. I’d also argue he’s got the whole “really big, questionable ideas” thing covered–the whole Arrangement really is dangerous as hell, trying to stop the Apocalypse, thinking he can just zoom off to Alpha Centauri, driving his car through hellfire while cackling and surviving because he convinces himself that he will-come to think of it, his mania combined with belief-powered reality warping is a superpower on its own.

And boy, does he have the depression down pat.

I’m sure most of you are more familiar with depression symptoms, but just in case, it’s characterized by feelings of hopelessness, guilt, failure, helplessness, usually over- or under-sleeping, and general sadness.

The 1862 incident? Absolutely the beginning of a depression spiral. He starts feeling anxious, helpless, worried about the danger they’re in, gets rejected by Aziraphale (partially because Aziraphale can see how morose he is and comes to the wrong conclusion), and then he (if we’re trying to use book canon) sleeps for nearly a century.

A decades-long nap is the biggest depression mood I’ve ever seen, let’s be real.

I’d also argue that the Spanish inquisition seems to have kickstarted a depressive episode (according to the book, he was given credit for it, went to see it, and then was blackout drunk for a week), and given how he talks about it, I wouldn’t be surprised if the 14th century was a depressive episode as well.

Which also connects to another point: Bipolar disorder is frequently connected with substance abuse. And I’m sorry Crowley, but being able to magic away drunkness doesn’t stop your alcohol use from being problematic. Just because you can’t become physically dependent doesn’t mean binge drinking in response to trauma is any less unhealthy. 

(Also, ADHD very often happens alongside bipolar, for all your ADHD!Crowley fans).

The apocalypse seems to be a big manic episode for Crowley–he’s zooming around non-stop, DAMN irritable (”I’m not nice!”), distracted (”She hit me”), babbling at a hundred miles an hour, impulsive (Alpha-Centauri?!) and driving through walls of fire in his century old car, laughing the whole way through.

This is absolutely the face I am making when it’s mania hours and I think I’m going to climb a building at 3 am to show the world that I am God’s equal.

[neil-gaiman]

What's Crowley up to now that it's July and everything's still trash?

Rolled over in bed, opened one eye, sighed and set his alarm clock for October.

[hireath24]

Imagine being told by your therapist that just because you have a period you’re at a healthy weight and shouldn’t gain anymore :)))

[hireath24]

I can’t with stans

[spiderrrling]

I am a(n):

⚪ Male

⚪ Female

🔘 Writer

Looking for

⚪ Boyfriend

⚪ Girlfriend

🔘 An incredibly specific word that I can't remember

[what-even-is-thiss]

*wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat*

WAIT IT’S CALLED A THROW PILLOW

[holorifle]

here is a super helpful website for this kinda thing!

the first result isn’t always the one you’re looking for but when you press enter it’ll give you a ton of words related to your query that’ll probably have what you’re wanting, or something better

here’s some examples:

[tilltheendwilliwrite]

Reblog to save a writer's sanity.

[salted-delights-deactivated2021]

T h a n k y o u k i n d s i r .

[officialleehadan]

THANK YOU REBLOG TO SAVE A LIFE

[a-blu-jay]

@spaceshipkat

[inthemidstofbuddie]

Abt ur sjm media ask that mentions ccity, is it bad to have a black faun/satyr character? Or is it more bad the way sjmess wrote it? Im askin bc i have a comic planned out w a black satyr character

i’m white so i can only say what i’ve learned, but yes, there’s a rampant problem in fiction with POC, in particular black people, being likened to animals, and sj///m made the black character Juniper a faun, which thus embodies the problematic trope of black people being animalistic. beyond that, i don’t want to talk over a black person, so i’ll leave the mic open for anyone who wants to chime in.

[hireath24]

My friend is black and I asked her about this (she doesn’t have a tumblr) and she said that SJM made it worse by having one of the only POC characters an animal, and I kinda get that