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@hiscrows
i fall asleep whispering ‘ i am safer alone i am safer alone i am safer alone ’ [ ... ] forgive me , memory is a rope around the neck.
#HISCROWS : highly selective and exclusive kaz brekker of leigh bardugo’s grishaverse series. strictly book - based with headcanon influence. doted on by obi , 23 , they & them. est. july 4 2021. currently reading siege and storm .
> carrd. thread tracker. queue details.
> multimuse. obi - wan kenobi. bail organa.
i am moving kaz to my multi, @ecfigaes. i would love to keep any threads you guys still want to do! when you reply just please tag the new blog so i see it! i hope to see all of you over there ♥
@sobachas : there is something you’re not telling me.
“ there are a lot of things i’m not telling you. you’re barking up the wrong tree if you’re looking for answers. ” dismissal clear , kaz is already turning away , reaching for his cane. “ this is how we operate. don’t like it , find a new business partner. ”
— 𝐰𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐲 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 ,
yup, a smart one. he’s even hit upon how she manages to get away with so much : because she’s small-statured with big eyes and soft voice, plenty of people are willing to think her a guileless and timid thing. she doesn’t know whether to be annoyed or flattered that he’s noticed she’s not empty-headed. “ lots of people in the barrel. lots of dangers too. i don’t see how a few more of either are worth notice. “
“ grisha hunters are different. ” for nina , for jesper. kaz isn’t running a charity , no , but as he’s said many a time , he protects his investments. “ it’s a fool’s errand bringing them to kerch anyway ; any smuggler worth their kruge would know ravka is safer. ”
@jordhie : ❛ sorry. didn’t want to push any sore spots. ❜
“ just do it. ” jaw tensed , hands curled into fists , kaz shifts , presenting the wounded shoulder to his brother. the bleeding has stopped , but the arrow is still in his shoulder , and he draws a long , slow breath , patience waning “ stop dancing around it and yank it out. i’ve had worse. ”
— 𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐣 𝐠𝐡𝐚𝐟𝐚 ,
𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐈𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐗𝐏𝐄𝐂𝐓 — asking a question that begged an answer of absolutely nothing. and still, annoyance clouded her features, heavy sigh pushed out as ivories gritted, ❝ at least you admit it, 𝑶𝑹 𝑨𝑹𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑳𝒀𝑰𝑵𝑮 about this in particular just to rile me up ? ❞ scrutiny in her tone, unable to help herself. they’d known each long enough to do better than this, she assumed — childishly, naively ? molten discs shifted from 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐔𝐍𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓𝐒 to the crown of his cane : she knew the message he was sending and she refused to accept it. ❝ and what if i want the whole truth — now ? ❞
“ what would i get out of riling you up? ” kaz casts her a purposefully blank stare , but his impatience is revealed in the muscle that jumps momentarily in his jaw. “ you’ll know everything when i’m ready. you know how this works. why is it important to you to know everything now? ”
@ineij : “ everything will be okay , i promise. but you need to talk to me. ”
back pressed to the door , kaz draws a trembling breath. weeks of coaxing himself into this -- just a night spent in each other’s arms , nothing more , and he’d been so sure ... and he’d been wrong. the moment her skin had come into contact with his , the water had crashed over his head , rotting flesh tangible beneath his hands , and he’d been sent flying for the bathroom. and it hurts , more than he’d thought it would.
another deep breath as he hauls himself up on jellied legs , hand trembling a heartbeat before he unlocks the door. “ i’m sorry , ” he croaks , and drags a hand over his face. “ i didn’t ... i didn’t think that would happen. ”
— 𝐝𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 ,
blue eyes turn steely at the aggression and his brow lowers. he feels that familiar flare of ANGER but quickly lowers it to a simmer – it wouldn’t do either of them justice at this point. “ i’m not … i’m just saying this is something that we shouldn’t jump the gun on. ”
“ we don’t have time to dither about it. ” a sharp exhale , already turning from the other man. “ we can’t hide out here forever , dan , and i wouldn’t if i could. we agreed on tonight. time to face the music. ”
— 𝐣𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐡𝐞𝐲 ,
AND AS QUICK AS the feeling came, there it went — right out the window. kaz could sail his way through conversations with ease, but he also had a spectacular gift for clunking through them, too. like an elephant with cement boots; graceless as fuck. jesper pulls a face at kaz, rolling his eyes all the while. “ i love knowing how appreciated i am. really, though — why tell me this now? ”
“ maybe i got tired of the kicked - puppy look every time i see you. ” kaz shrugs , but the tension in his shoulders has become clear discomfort. “ you deserved to know. ”
i think i’m just going to post the rest of kaz’s threads and shit (queued) all in one go here -- and you guys can continue whatever u like over on the other blog!!
i am moving kaz to my multi, @ecfigaes. i would love to keep any threads you guys still want to do! when you reply just please tag the new blog so i see it! i hope to see all of you over there ♥
would you guys still write with kaz if i moved him to my multi 🥺
— 𝐛𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐚 ,
A SMILE IS OFFERED, a mix of amusement and precision for the boy who seems to be devoid of the ability to reciprocate it. i wonder what favor you’d ask from the likes of the dregs, he says, and bianca’s head cocks aside with a piercing glare fueled by curiosity, highly intrigued: oh, dirtyhands, you have no idea what you have done in ketterdam. “ you’d be surprised to know how… essential, can the barrel be around here, mr. brekker.” some merchants have no hearts. some no dignity. but they all have shame. they all have something to lose. they will not answer to the law that can be altered to their likes, but they will answer to a ruthless boy who holds all their little dirty secrets. her smile, brightening at the aspect, now much more amicable. let me be the judge of that when the time comes. “ well, we’ve got ourselves a deal, then. now, how can i help you? ”
“ not at all. perhaps i just underestimated how essential it is to you. ” he’s overseen shady dealings with underhanded merchants more than once ; surely she’s aware of the ordeal with jan van eck. “ i’m looking for intel on a member of the merchant council. blackmail and the like. it’s my understanding that you have good connections. influence. ”
Adélia Prado, Falsetto (Watson trans.)
— 𝐣𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐚𝐡𝐞𝐲 ,
IT FEELS LIKE THE air has gone utterly still; the sounds outside the window fade out to background fuzz, leaving jesper with nothing to focus on but the sound of kaz’s voice. something feels off. he doesn’t know what it is.
“ alright, ” he could question, he could probe, but jesper chooses to take that answer as what it was: admittance that kaz started with very little in life. “ nobody to leave behind. what about … someone waiting for you here, in ketterdam? you came here as a stranger? ”
what are they doing? he should shut the conversation down here , order jesper out of the office , pretend it had never happened.
he doesn’t , and he couldn’t say why. maybe it’s all they’ve been through in the last couple years ; maybe it’s because they’ve known each other since they were fifteen. he shrugs.
“ yeah. as a stranger. ” he pauses , and bile threatens to rise in his throat. “ with my brother. it was all a long time ago , jesper. i was very young. it’s all irrelevant now. ”
** evermore sentence starters.
willow.
“ i’m like the water when your ship rolled in that night. ”
“ you cut through like a knife. ”
“ i never would have known from the look on your face. ”
“ the more that you say, the less I know. ”
“ i’m begging for you to take my hand. ”
“ life was a willow and it bent right to your wind. ”
“ i could feel you sneakin’ in. ”
“ you are a mythical thing. ”
“ i come back stronger than a ‘90s trend. ”
“ wait for the signal and I’ll meet you after dark. ”
“ show me the places where the others gave you scars. ”
“ anywhere else is hollow. ”
champagne problems.
“ you booked the night train for a reason. ”
“ bustling crowds or silent sleepers, not sure which is worse. ”
“ i dropped your hand while dancing. ”
“ your mom's ring is in your pocket, my picture is in your wallet. ”
“ your heart was glass and I dropped it. ”
“ you told your family for a reason. ”
“ you couldn’t keep it in. ”
“ no one’s celebrating. ”
“ your hometown skeptics called it champagne problems. ”
“ love slipped beyond your reaches. ”
“ this dorm was once a madhouse. ”
“ don’t think we’ll say that word again. ”
“ sometimes you just don’t know the answer. ”
“ she would’ve made such a lovely bride. ”
“ what a shame she’s fucked in the head. ”
“ she’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred. ”
gold rush.
“ eyes like sinking ships on waters, so inviting I almost jump in. ”
“ i don’t like that anyone would die to feel your touch. ”
“ everybody wants you. ”
“ everybody wonders what it would be like to love you. ”
“ i don’t like that falling feels like flying ‘til the bones crush. ”
“ what must it be like to grow up that beautiful ? ”
“ i see me padding across your wooden floors. ”
“ it fades into the gray of my day-old tea. ”
“ it could never be. ”
“ my mind turns your life into folklore. ”
“ i can’t dare to dream about you anymore. ”
“ the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure. ”
'tis the damn season.
“ If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would have asked you. ”
“ it’s the kind of cold, fogs up windshield glass. but I felt it when I passed you. ”
“ there’s an ache in you. ”
“ but if it’s all the same to you, it’s the same to me. ”
“ you could call me “babe” for the weekend. ”
“ the road not taken looks real good now. ”
“ the holidays linger like bad perfume. ”
“ you can run, but only so far. ”
“ i escaped it too. ”
“ remember how you watched me leave ? ”
“ now I’m missing your smile. ”
“ hear me out, we could just ride around. ”
“ i won’t ask you to wait if you don’t ask me to stay. ”
“ i wonder about the only soul who can tell which smiles I’m faking. ”
“ the heart I know I’m breakin’ is my own. ”
“ we could call it even, even though I’m leavin’. ”
tolerate it.
“ i notice everything you do or don’t do. ”
“ you’re so much older and wiser. ”
“ if it’s all in my head tell me now. ”
“ tell me I’ve got it wrong somehow. ”
“ i know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it. ”
“ i greet you with a battle hero’s welcome. ”
“ i take your indiscretions all in good fun. ”
“ while you were out building other worlds, where was I? ”
“ where’s that man who’d throw blankets over my barbed wire? ”
“ i made you my temple, my mural, my sky. ”
“ i’m begging for footnotes in the story of your life. ”
“ always taking up too much space or time. ”
“ you assume I’m fine. ”
“ what would you do if I break free and leave us in ruins. ”
“ took this dagger in me and removed it. ”
no body, no crime.
“ he did it. ”
“ it smells like infidelity. ”
“ that ain’t my merlot on his mouth. ”
“ i think I’m gonna call him out. ”
” i think he did it, but I just can’t prove it. “
“ no body, no crime. ”
“ i ain’t lettin’ up until the day I die. ”
“ his mistress moved in. ”
“ there ain’t no doubt. ”
“ somebody’s gotta catch him out. ”
“ i’ve cleaned enough houses to know how to cover up a scene. ”
“ they think she did it, but they just can’t prove it. ”
“ i wasn’t lettin’ up until the day he died. ”
Keep reading
@sainctus : ‘ you’re bleeding. ’
at first , kaz doesn’t move away. he tracks every movement through slitted eyes , chest heaving and falling just a beat too quickly. but for just a moment , he thinks he can handle it. jesper has to doctor the wound , there’s no way around it -- and then the water begins to rise , lapping at his ankles , his shins , his knees -- and kaz jerks back , head thunking against the wall. “ get gloves -- don’t touch me , get gloves. ” the words come on a sharp exhale , too fast , too loud , and he swallows hard before adding , just a touch softer , a rare “ please. ”
