i'm trying

a hub blog for my rpc/rph blogs, which currently consist of transrp and autisticrp.

[erika-writes]

quintessa swindell gif pack ––

#100 gifs of quintessa swindell in trinkets. i made all of these gifs in the pack. please do not use them in gif hunts. you’re welcome to use them for edits, gif icons, etc. all i ask is that you credit me somehow or link this post. if you’ve enjoyed this pack, please give this a like or reblog!

later additions to this gif pack will be uploaded here.

feel free to request more things from me here. | if you like my work, please consider buying me a coffee. ♥︎

also, they are non-binary and use they/them pronouns!

Keep reading

[lovesvampire]

i know these posts are extra annoying but like many i’m going through a rough time at the moment. my mother has decided that despite my lack of income and graduating only last month that i’ve now got to pay her for my phone, toiletries and food. it isn’t much but i’m more than happy to make gifs, gif icons, psds, roleplay icons, etc for people in trade for commission and would be up for selling any of the urls on this list pretty cheap! my ko-fi is here if anyone would like to donate and i should have more gif packs released soon! examples of my gif packs can be found here and roleplay icons here!

[sanguisfulgur]

Buy Shay a Coffee.

Support creators you love. Buy a Coffee for Shay with Ko-fi.com

So I really don’t want to do this because it’s humiliating but there’s a very real chance my ESA could be stopped next week, I have to go for an assessment then and if they declare me ‘fit for work’ I have no more income, even if I challenge the decision it could take weeks or months to sort. I wasn’t expecting this, I was hoping given it’s only been a year and a half and I filled out another assessment paper for them that they wouldn’t demand this. But here we are. 

The pitiful amount you get on ESA means saving is basically impossible so guess who is broke? Me. Guess who has an outstanding balance of £30 to pay? Me. Guess who has no family they can ask to pay it off because I either have nothing to do with them or have asked enough of them? Me. 

Even if you just reblog it’d be a big help to me. Thank you. 

[meghli]

Please donate and share to save A’ed Abu Amro from amputation, this fundraiser has been confirmed to be credible

https://www.gofundme.com/f/medical-care-for-a039ed-abu-amro

Click here to support Medical Care for A'ed Abu Amro organized by Malinda Russell Douglass

A'ed Abu Amro is a 21 year old Palestinian living in the Gaza Strip.  He began attending the March of Great Return on March 30, 2018 in prot

[succulentbud]

the worst take to ever come out of social media is “fiction does not equal reality”, when. the Jaws Effect is literally right there and proves just how much of an impact media truly has on people’s psyche

[succulentbud]

Jaws Effect: *had real life negative effects on the shark population as a whole cause Jaws made people afraid of them even though they kill so very few people*

Fandom moms who think antis are real: distinguish from reality and fiction, sweetie! it doesn’t hurt anyone!

[bundibird]

Instances of fiction affecting reality:

Antisemetic propaganda in the form of children’s books in the lead up to the holocaust that directly impacted and shaped people’s opinions of Jews and got actual real life people killed

Comic books since the dawn of comic books, particularly the Captain America comics, which were created to draw attention to the plight Jewish people were facing in Germany and which are credited with having had a major influence on convincing the US to join the Allies in the world war

The documented “Harry Potter effect,” which has influenced an entire generation of people in how we think and what we’re likely to accept/not accept

These are just examples off the top of my head that I thought of in a second while dealing with a headache, tiredness and hunger pains. There are countless more examples.

“Fiction doesn’t effect reality” fiction has literally been used as a deliberate tool to shape public opinion, behaviour, and perceptions since fiction was invented.

[huhnymph]

fiction is so deeply impactful, like, the ways of looking we internalise unconsciously thru classical narrative (mainly hollywood) cinema actually work to keep the patriarchy in power

[greenandhazy]

In honor of Yom HaShoah, I wanted to share links to the songs my synagogue performed at our memorial tonight. links are in the titles - just a warning, if you watch the videos on YouTube, some of them do contain Holocaust/Nazi imagery.

El Maleh Rachamim - a prayer traditionally sung at funerals and remembrance days for the dead. it’s a very beautiful melody.

Dos Elnte Kind (The Lonely Child) - a Yiddish song dedicated to Sarah, the daughter of Rachel Pupko-Krinski. they were separated during the war, but both survived and immigrated to America. the woman who sang this at my synagogue this evening was a close friend of Sarah’s daughter, and she was wearing a necklace left to her by Sarah.

Yisrolik - a Yiddish song about orphaned children of the Vilna ghetto

Flying - an English song by folk artist Laura Wetzler, who performed it for us tonight. she and her partner are both the daughters of Holocaust survivors, and she wrote this for her mother-in-law, a partisan whose sister Hannah (ZK”L) was murdered by the Nazis after they were discovered smuggling resistance newspapers

Minutn Fun Bitokhn (Moment of Confidence) - a Yiddish partisan song from Krakow. my favorite line, which isn’t translated exactly the same in the lyrics I found online, is “Revel, dance, you hangman! It won’t be long, I hope. Once there was a Haman–then there was a rope.”

Zog Nit Kein Mol (Never Say) - also known as Partisaner Lid, the Partisan Song, this is one of the most famous songs to come out of the war. it was written by Hirsch Glick (ZK”L) in the Vilna Ghetto after he learned of the Warsaw Ghetto Uprising.

Hatikvah (The Hope) - a Hebrew song associated with the Zionist cause, which was often sung in concentration camps after their liberation and in Displaced Person camps (if you look online you can find a recording of the inmates of Bergen-Belsen singing this song in 1945). it is now the national anthem of Israel.

[venuscommissions]

VENUS’ GUIDE ON HOW NOT TO WHITEWASH

STEP NO. 1    ━━    DON’T WHITEWASH !   yes it’s that simple ,  just  don’t !    IT’S 2K19 FOR GOD’S SAKE .            don’t whitewash poc with the way you’re writing them ,  don’t use an psd  that will whitewash poc .

✿     CHOOSING TO WRITE A POC MUSE?    do your research ,   find out as much as you can about their heritage ,  their culture ,  their values .   this is not a suggestion ,   IT’S YOUR RESPONSIBILITY .    JUST TRY GOOGLE ,   it’s free & easy af

✿      CHOOSING A FACE CLAIM AT RANDOM ?    do your  research ,    it takes like two seconds google ‘ faceclaim name ethnicity ‘    &  you’ll know if your faceclaim of choice is a person of color or not .     WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT ?    well ,  FIRSTLY ,   it’ll give you pointers on how to write them .   SECONDLY ,   it’ll tell you if u can use the neon pink & white psd you’re currently nuttin’ over on your face claim’s sweet face.   

STEP NO. 2    ━━    FEEL LIKE ARGUING WITH THE PERSON TELLING YOU YOU’RE WHITEWASHING YOUR MUSE ?             JUST PLEASE DON’T .

don’t be rude ,  don’t be passive aggressive ,  just politely own up to your mistake ,  & work hard to rectify it as soon as possible. 

WHAT ELSE YOU SHOULDN’T DO?  MAKE THE FOLLOWING EXCUSES  ━

✿      “OH MY MUSE LOOKS WHITE, I DIDN’T REALISE.”       NO .   like i said ,   do your Research PLEASE.    poc come in all shades ,  a lot of them can be white passing .   but that still doesn’t give you the right to cast them as white nor can their light skin tone be used as an excuse to use a fancy psd that makes them look like casper the ghost. 

✿       “OH I COULDN’T FIND A POC FRIENDLY PSD.”        NO, JUST NO.  YOUR INTENSE DESIRE TO HAVE A FANCY SCHMANCY PSD  doesn’t trump your   RESPONSIBILITY TO PROTECT  & UPHOLD  FACE CLAIM’S IDENTITY & ETHNICITY .   like if worse comes to worse, you can just use plain icons .      ALSO  IT’S 2K19 , STOP SAYING  “OH ALL THE POC PSDS ARE BEHIND A PAY WALL”    it doesn’t just make you sound entitled ,    it’s incredibly hurtful to people who are generous enough to make & post resources for free?       commissions blogs just started popping up like last year, & i don’t think there are more than 50 of us out there.    there are literally so many free bomb af poc friendlly psds out there these days, even i have a free one out that works on all skintones ?   not to mention thousands of rph’s / tutorial posts / photoshop blogs  that will  help you learn how to make a psd yourself .        

HELPFUL LINKS :  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x  x     i found these after a quick search ,  but there’s a lot more out there.

✿      “ OH , YOUR SCREEN MUST BE TOO DESATURATED , IT LOOKS FINE ON MY END !”       this ,  frankly can be a valid excuse 0.9 %  of the time but isn’t usually.   IT CAN BE AVOIDED THOUGH,  all u need to do is ask a couple of your friends to look at a few images of your fc with the psd applied on different devices.   YES IT’S JUST AS SIMPLE AS THAT.                     also,  be polite ,   there’s no need to act like a smug bum when this is an issue , the person might be genuinely UPSET if they came to you in the first place & their feelings are valid !               ALSO, 99.1% OF THE TIME YOU’RE JUST LYING & USING THIS EXCUSE AS AN EASY WAY OUT ,    WE CAN TELL LMAO.

that’s it , that’s the guide.  FEEL FREE TO  REBLOG THIS,  YOU CAN REBLOG THIS ON YOUR MAIN BLOG ,  REBLOG THIS ON YOUR SIDEBLOG .    HECK,  REBLOG THIS ON THE BLOG YOU HAVEN’T BEEN ACTIVE ON FOR A YEAR ,  I DON’T MIND .  just please stop whitewashing ,  i’m begging you guys .  as a woc ,  it pains me to see graphics whitewashed to the hell & back every time i log on ,   it pains me when muses are made poc just for the brownie points & their characterization is just mostly cultural stereotypes & misnomers . please guys.

[the-movemnt-deactivated20170912]

These difficult conversations are more important than ever. Here’s how to overcome the roadblocks.

follow @the-movemnt

[foremothersfootsteps]

Yes to all and to add one, tone policing. If they can’t think of any other way to dismiss what you are saying, they will critique the way in which you said it. No matter how you said it, they will say you are angry or aggressive. 

[writingwithcolor]

[Text in the images above written below]

5 Roadblocks people use to shut down difficult conversations about race.

Derailment

“What about Black-on-Black crime?”

“Are Black lives not worth protecting?”

Minimization

“I don’t think they meant it that way when they said it.”

Remind them of intention vs. impact.

Reduction

“It’s not like Black people are the only people dying.”

“No, they aren’t, but Black people are disproportionately dying in this country and all over the world. Can we at least talk about that?”

Tokenism

“My boyfriend is Black.”

Remind them: Having a Black boyfriend doesn’t mean that you’re not racist and in fact the idea that you wouldn’t be racist because you have a Black boyfriend is in fact racist.

Hurt

“I feel really unsafe having this conversation right now.”

“Are you feeling unsafe or are you feeling uncomfortable.”

[daddyapo-deactivated20190625]

New rule, non muslims can’t say the word jihad. Until you stop conflating a word that means personal struggle with faith and temptation with terrorism youre just not allowed to say it.

[moody-poet-deactivated20180227]

I’m not a Muslim but I just thought I would reblog this because I think it’s definitely worth listening to.

[daddyapo-deactivated20190625]

It’s totally okay for non muslims to reblog this, and i encourage it. Im just glad you’re listening.

[neuroatypically-speaking]

Oh god, finally someone said it. Every time I see words like “jihadist” I want to scream, but I’m not Muslim, so I wasn’t sure I should say anything. 

Jihad means struggle. It doesn’t mean holy war or anything like it. In fact, there is no word in Islam for holy war, because the nature of Islam does not leave room for holy war. Islam has a juridical system, not a Pope who can just say “Go wage holy war.” Conflating the personal nature of jihad with violence is so very gross and it needs to stop. Period.

[geeko-kat]

Actually, there’s another word non-muslims in the media shouldn’t use:

Allahu Akbar. It’s not a statement of terrorism. It means “god is great”. It’s something we say to praise our lord. It’s what we say when we pray. It’s not a statement of terrorism. Allahu Akbar doesn’t mean terrorism stop using it as one

[liberalautisticqueernerd831-dea]

I would really appreciate it if non Muslims understood this

[allerasphinx]

fic writers i promise you–on my life–that readers remember that finn’s skin is dark brown. 

i promise that if you use a descriptor besides “the darker skinned man” in relation to all the characters around him, people will know who he is in your sentence.  

e.g. the sun’s golden rays made his dark amber skin glow as it slid lower in the sky.

e.g. the harsh white light surrounding his body roughened the soft lines of his face and made his skin appear greyish as though he were a wraith. 

e.g. the only imperfection marring his skin was the raised brown scar that slashed jaggedly across his back. (finn’s skin’s rich with melanin, so even if his fresh scar’s initially raw and pink, eventually it’ll heal to a brown shade–either slightly lighter, same tone, or slightly darker)

i promise that you can describe him as you do rey or poe and your readers won’t forget that it’s finn you’re talking about. 

i promise you, you can describe poe without making him sound like a white dude.

n.k. jemisin’s a master at writing her characters, who are predominantly people of colour. for this reason, she usually describes them in relation to each other and doesn’t rely on their skin tones. she explicitly describes her white characters’ skin tones to flip the dominant perspective that assumes white as default. here are some of her tips: 

describing characters of color

describing characters of color pt. 2 (some of her rowling thoughts are ehhh, because rowling does otherise her characters of colour, but this is an old post)

describing characters of color: other people’s poc

other resources: 

7 offensive mistakes writers make 

writing with color: poc and food comparisons (john boyega can call himself chocolate and black people might describe him as such, but you probably shouldn’t)

writing with color: words for skin tone 

words to describe hair (i’ve read a couple fics where y’all are clueless about finn’s hair)

describing natural hair 

writing with color’s colorful critiques 

describing poc and avoiding caricatures

[caininvestigations]

okay so here’s the thing - it’s crunch time. i don’t have enough to pay this bill. I in no way have anywhere near enough to pay this tuition bill. I need around £600 and after paying the tuition i would be left at zero. I’m trying my hardest to juggle this, find money elsewhere, make resources for people in exchange for donations but the truth is i just don’t have the time. i’m going to go and talk to the finance office, see if they can give me until i get paid from my job but the likeliness is that won’t be enough either and i’ll run out of money before then. 

please, please if you can help me pay for this. i will do whatever you want, i’ll make you anything, do whatever you want. i can’t afford to get kicked off of this course. it’s my life we’re talking about, and i’ve already paid so much money towards it. i’m trying to get the money from other methods, i am, and hopefully they’ll work, but i have no guarantees. 

if you can donate, please do. here’s my ko-fi, and my paypal email address is [email protected]

[hnakrpc-blog]

okay but why do so many psds listed as “poc friendly” make everyone the same skin tone (by lightening a few people, but mostly by extremely darkening a lot of skin tones) and/or make everyone red and orange

[hnakrpc-blog]

oh and my personal favorite from going into the tag today

"poc friendly , but i wouldn’t recommend darker skin tones"

[hnakrpc-blog]

okay but why do so many psds listed as “poc friendly” make everyone the same skin tone (by lightening a few people, but mostly by extremely darkening a lot of skin tones) and/or make everyone red and orange

[thestrippershateyou]

“cOnSeNtInG sEx WoRkErS are just privileged rich white girls!”

[3546345345045575754]

“Well, when I was nine years old, Star Trek came on, I looked at it and I went screaming through the house, ‘Come here, mum, everybody, come quick, come quick, there’s a black lady on television and she ain’t no maid!’ I knew right then and there I could be anything I wanted to be.” — Whoopi Goldberg

[caininvestigations]

so, i didn’t think i’d have to do this, especially with getting a new job but turns out i won’t get paid until the end of next month, and by that time it’ll be too late. i need money to pay my tuition fees. i thought i’d have enough by using my overdraft, but realistically i only have about £200 of the £600-£700 needed. if i don’t pay this, i will get kicked off of my masters, as the date for payment is already one that has been arranged out of normal payment arrangements. they’re saying they can’t do anything else, because student finance should have been enough to pay for it. however, student finance went to helping my parents with bills and the £100+ p/month travel to uni and then travel to interviews and now the new job. since starting uni i’ve only been earning about £300 a month, so £100 alone went on travel, money went to my parents for rent and then what was left was barely anything that wasn’t enough for me to survive on after paying bills. in fact, after paying my own bills, i was in my overdraft and its spiralled from there, especially when there was a two month break between my old job and new one, where i was having to spend money without getting any in.

i’m not asking for charity, i will make things for you. you name it, i’ll do it. all you have to do is shoot me a message and i can create whatever you want, even if you just donate £1 y’know? i just can’t get kicked off a course i’ve already paid £5000 towards, i won’t get that money back and it’ll fuck up my future. i can’t ask my parents, they’re still struggling after both being made redundant. we’re only just getting back on our feet. we wouldn’t even have the house still if it weren’t for other relatives stepping in and helping out so understandably, i can’t ask those other relatives either because they’ve already given us all quite a lot. 

you don’t have to help me, i understand that, but it would be very much appreciated. i’ll also be selling my shit to try and get some money and i’m gonna start making some things and selling them on etsy but this alone won’t be enough to make £400+ by the end of the month. 

my ko-fi is here, my paypal email is [email protected], you can buy services off of my fiverr account https://www.fiverr.com/daniellekellett. if you would like anything, i can make rp icons, gif packs/icons, graphics, headers, manips basically all the things in my wid i can do for you. i can also create you colorings (psds) if you want too. 

please feel free to reblog this, and if you can/do donate, you have my undying gratitude and love.

[larkstonguesinaspicpart1]

[curseworm]

DIVORCE HIM

[lierdumoa]

Our society has a number of loveable buffoons who fool around and are excused from acting like prats because they’re funny. They might be rubbish at most things but as long as their banter is flowing, we put up with it.

These types are almost exclusively men. You don’t get hilarious, idiotic women being lorded as icons of our culture. Diane Abbott is dismissed as a cretin while Boris Johnson is a joker.

Which begs the question: is conscious male incompetence a form of misogyny?

If you labour the point that you can’t cook, then chances are that you won’t be made to cook. If you make a hash out of doing the laundry or hoovering, you’re forcing someone else to take over.

Few have the patience to watch someone do a job badly over and over again and so often, they’ll just take it upon themselves to do your chores as well as their own. Emotional labour is doubled when you’ve got an incompetent clown on your hands.

I was recently listening Semi Circles, a BBC radio comedy starring Paula Wilcox, first broadcast in 1989.

It’s about a housewife who recently wakes up to the fact that she’s spent the past eight years being a slave to her kids and nice-but-emotionally-dim husband.

Part of this awakening is the realisation that she does all the housework because her husband is crap at it. Left alone, he makes inedible food. He lets the kids stay up well beyond their bedtime. He leaves the house a tip. 

He doesn’t even try to do a good job because he fears that if he’s too good at these jobs, his wife will make him do more of them.

https://metro.co.uk/2017/11/01/male-incompetence-is-a-subtle-form-of-misogyny-7046248/

Put these garbage men in the garbage where they belong.

[dlasta]

I went and checked the original source and it’s worse. While most of the comments get the problem (the lying, not the eggs) some of them just cannot see that this shit is actually a big honking warning sign for bigger shit. A loving person is not capable of doing this. 

He literally puts his mere convenience over her actual well being. This guy thought up and executed a plan where she has to do *all* the work (because of course it wasn’t just this one specific thing) while he watches her tire herself out from the sidelines. Imagine this going on for *years*. …now imagine this with kids. You think this guy cares if she gets off during sex? Would he take care of her if she were to get sick? Would he ever lift a finger if he could get away not doing it? 

She can’t trust a word he says and he doesn’t give a shit about her needs. It’s not about the *eggs*.

[manthedog]

Sorry to reblog from you, stranger, but this commentary is all very good. I especially appreciate the emphasized statement that “a loving person is not capable of doing this.” That line is going to rattle around my brain for ages — the words feel good in my mouth. How you’ve said it is just so right.

I want to add some of OP’s further comments on the thread she made:

“To be fair, I have pretty high standards for cleanliness and his idea of clean vastly differs from mine and honestly, that’s okay! But now I’m starting to seriously wonder if he sabotaged cleaning, too, just to get me to do it. Dishes, for instance. He will wash half and leave a nasty sink full of the rest, claiming he’ll do them later. This drives me nuts, so I just do them. Often he will leave crusted on shit on then, too, so okay, I’ll just do them, right? Now because of the egg business, I’m seeing it as malicious.”

→ The husband is lazy. He seemingly commits to housework, only to bail partway through, and doesn’t even put in the effort required to do the job right in the first place.

“Yes, he sucks at dishes and laundry to the point he is banned from doing them. He will leave clothes in the washer overnight and doesnt separate anything to the point I’ve had many white clothes ruined. My favorite white brassiere is now pink due to his bullshit.”

→ The husband is inconsiderate of his wife’s property, even that which is well-loved. Could his repeated failure to learn how to do this task have been a ruse? Did he anticipate his banishment from laundry duty? OP now has to genuinely wonder about this.

“I’m starting to think he does things wrong on purpose now just to get me to do it. Another example! My car. For a while my driver side door wouldn’t open from the outside, so I had to crawl through the passenger side. He ordered a handle and kept putting it off for WEEKS. Finally, he says his hands are too big to do it, so I had to do it.”

→ The husband makes excuses for himself that cast him as an unwitting victim to fate, with the implication that he would totally do [action], if only he could. He distances himself from any possibility of blame.

Obviously, anonymous forum posts are taken with a grain of salt — we, as readers, will never know for sure if OP is real. That’s not a concern for me, though. Like I don’t care. The fact is that if one assumes this is all true, it is very obvious that the poster’s husband is a perfect example of maliciously feigned incompetence. He’s manipulative and lazy to the point of cruelty, expecting his wife to work while he fails to lift a single functioning finger. The statement that “he likes her eggs better” isn’t cute like some have stated in the replies to this post; it’s just another excuse that walls him off from criticism, a bullshit reason he pulled out of his ass to make her feel guilty and unreasonable for being upset.

The absurdity of the situation when taken at face value — lying about eggs, getting mad about making eggs, even just the reality of deviled eggs (an inherently silly prep style) being someone’s favorite food — extends an air of the absurd to the wife’s concerns, and to others’ warnings. I have noticed several comments to the tune of, “These people are all mad about eggs? What a joke! How oversensitive. That’s just how men are; this is just what marriage looks like.”

It’s fucked up, is what it is.

…deviled egg lady, if you’re truly out there somewhere, I hope you told your husband to make his own goddamn eggs from now on. It’s literally the least he can do.

[dreamcatchersdaughter]

@manthedog

“It’s literally the least he can do.”

we all just witnessed a fucking murder and it was beautiful.

[lananiscorner]

Real talk time, folks:

If your partner (I am deliberately not using gendered words here), frequently and unashamedly feigns ignorance or incompetence to get out of tasks that affect both of you, warn the asshole once, warn them twice, and then dump the lazy freeloader.

Even someone who is legitimately bad at something can become moderately good at it, if they put some effort in, especially if it is important daily life tasks like cooking, cleaning and laundry.

For example: say your partner can’t cook. Not even something simple like pasta with tomato sauce. They never remember how much salt and pepper to put in that tomato sauce and they always forget that they have the pasta on the stove and then the entire thing burns. Well guess what? That’s what we invented cook books and recipes and egg timers for. Write that shit down (which ingredients, how much, how long, which temperature, etc.), then show them how it is done, and show them how to set the timer on their fucking phone, because I guaran-goddamn-tee you that every modern phone comes with a timer function. Show them how to do it once. Show them how to do it twice. If they still fuck it up the third time, you either have someone on your hands who cannot read (in which case, wow, great trust they have in you, their partner, that they don’t even tell you about that) or who just can’t be bothered to follow step by step instructions that were neatly laid out for them.

Your time is too precious to waste it on constantly babysitting your partner. A relationship should never be unilateral. It’s a team effort. And within a team, everyone has to pull their weight. If they can’t work with you, they are working against you.

[deathspeaker-deactivated2018121]

Like, I know how to do laundry, I know about separating things out, how different settings should be used etc. but I dump my load into the washer and ignore all that.

But it’s my clothes. And only my clothes. I don’t care if the colors run.

I would NEVER do that to my partner’s clothes. I don’t do that for my father’s clothes when I do his laundry (which is uncommon he usually does his own).

Weaponized ignorance/the bumbling man trope needs to fucking die. This shit is EASY. They just don’t want to do the work so they dump the effort onto their partners. It’s horrid.

[1nkblots-deactivated20200926]

One of my psychology professors actually talked about this in the context of her own husband and how she dealt with it, which was namely: don’t let your partner get away with not doing basic housework just because they’re “bad” at it. All you’re doing is teaching them that incompetence (genuine or not) is rewarded, and reinforcing that behaviour.

When she saw that he (genuinely or not) had no idea how to properly wash dishes, she showed him how to do it, then she stood beside him and talked him through doing it, then she watched him do it on his own.

When he fucked up the dishes again while unsupervised, she went through the whole process again - “here I’ll show you, now you do it while I watch”

She never got mad at him, or yelled, or did anything where she could be accused of overreacting or being dramatic, just acted every time like she was teaching a child how to do these things for the first time. And after two or three rounds of this, he would start doing chores properly while unsupervised, either because (a) he now actually knew how to do them properly, or (b) (more likely) he’d realized that feigning incompetence would not get him out of housework, and he’d have to go through the humiliating experience of being taught how to do it again every time he fucked it up. And eventually he stopped the “feigning incompetence” thing altogether and started asking for help if he couldn’t do something instead of just not doing it.

(of course, I completely understand if someone doesn’t want to go through this process and just dumps their partner’s ass for being an asshole, and it’s not always going to work if they’re determined/malicious about it rather than just doing what they’ve always done, but this is one way to deal with it)

[fangirltothefullest]

As a note! All of this is for when people are deliberately trying to get out of work. People who are forgetful can and do make conscious efforts (I would know, I’m super forgerful). However this stuff has nothing to do with people who are actually physically unable to do things so please don’t look at people with disabilities and think they’re being lazy, especially if they are trying. Being physically incapable is very different from being lazy and inconsiderate.

That aside, this post is so accurate and you need to know that it’s not just partners of a romantic or queerplatonic relationships who do this. If your friends also can never put in the effort they’re not your friends. Don’t see these actions and give anyone slack. No one should have to suffer other people feigning incompetence to get out of work.

[haintxblue]

Reading a Twitter thread of men jokingly but sincerely and openly admitting to using exactly this tactic–and women sighing and saying “my husband does this too” with just resigned acceptance–was the final nail in the coffin of my decision to never date a man again. I cannot with this shit.

[followthebluebell]

god, this brings back some shit.

So a few months ago, I was talking to some dog trainers.  They were all women.  This isn’t really unusual; the fact is, the animal care industry is almost entirely female, so it’s pretty common for me to be the sole man in any given conversation.  At some point, the topic turned to housetraining puppies.  I don’t remember the entirity of the convo, but it was something like this. I’ve changed names, obv.

Tracy: If only men were so easy to housetrain!

Karen: Ha, if only.  I’m getting so tired of cleaning up after my fiance.

Anne: Wait, what

Me: Yeah, I’m confused.

Tracy: No offense, but men are just… really bad at aiming at the toilet.

Anne: Are you saying that they’re literally PEEING OUTSIDE the toilet.

Karen: Well, they can’t help it.  It’s just splashes.

Me:  Are you saying you have to clean up your husband’s pee.

Tracy: I mean, it’s part of the deal, isn’t it?  With a dick and all?  He just splashes some out, it’s no big deal.

Me: Thi… this isn’t a thing that happens.  It really isn’t.  I can’t stress how much that this is NOT NORMAL.  He should be able to clean his own mess.  He can hold a mop, right?

Tracy: He really isn’t.  He always makes a bigger mess whenever he tries.

Karen:  [nods in agreement]  It’s sad, really.  They’re like 30 and 40 and still don’t know how to mop.

Me: Do… do you realize he’s doing that on purpose?  He has no reason to grow if you keep doing it FOR him.  He’s literally doing this ON PURPOSE.  To get you to clean for him.  He’s a grown ass man.  He can clean his own pee.

Karen: Hey, it could be worse.  The other day my fiance walked in on me while I was on the toilet.  He thought it was the laundry room.

Me: … didn’t you move into that house three years ago.

Karen: Yeah.

Me: And, in three years, he had NEVER done laundry.  In three years.  He’s so unused to the layout of his own home, that he doesn’t know where the laundry room is.

Karen: I mean.  He works away from home a lot so.

Me: Three years, Karen.  That’s a long time.

Just… this is fucking ridiculous.