Hockey's Incorrect Quotes

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Mitch Marner: Get rid of the couches, we can't let anyone know we SIT!

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Carter Hart: I don't want to be anyone's boy, I want to be a velociraptor.

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Jay Beagle: WAKE UP BROCK, we're going to Las Vegas.

Brock Boeser: Like hell I am, what for?

Elias Pettersson: The whoring and the drinking!

[Brock hastily gets up.]

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Alexander Ovechkin: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take back the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Alex Ovechkin lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man who's gonna burn your house down! WITH THE LEMONS!

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Tyson Barrie: Helen Mirren contains so much hotness that she can even spring a boner in Caligula.

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Carter Hart: I think he's super cute. Edible.

Claude Giroux: Sidney Crosby or Evgeni Malkin?

Carter: Sidney.

Sean Couturier: We're all edible. Aren't we? I mean we're basically meat.

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Mitch Marner: But what would you do for a Klondike?

Auston Matthews: I would do anything for a Klondike bar, except Wikipedia my dingus.

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Jaromir Jagr: You know I considered appearing on Eurovision when I was a young man.

Matthew Tkachuk: There was no Eurovision when you were a young man. There was barely Europe.

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Dustin Byfuglien: Where's Connor?

Blake Wheeler: He's still showering.

Dustin: Then why is he still answering my texts?

Blake: He showers with his phone.

Dustin: What a hooker.

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Henrik Lundqvist: Hey Mats.

Mika Zibanejad: Mats got traded to Dallas, remember?

Henrik: (yells in the direction of Dallas) HEY MATS!

Mika: You can't shout...oh for crying out loud. You have a cell phone.

Henrik: Cool! HEY MATS!

Mika: You. Don't. Need. To. Shout.

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Nathan MacKinnon: My name is Nathan MacKinnon and I approve this message: tacos rule.

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Evgeni Malkin: Am I weird?

Sidney Crosby: Yeah, but you're hot, so it's easier to put up with.

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Alexander Ovechkin: You're trying a coup, aren't you! You're trying to get access to the league!

Sidney Crosby: Yes.

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Gary Bettman: There's not a Malaysian betting syndicate involved, is there?

Sidney Crosby: Neither is it a totalitarian state presided over by you!

Alexander Ovechkin: You've lost our trust!

Gary: This league ABSOLUTELY is that!

Sidney: No, not anymore, not anymore. Democracy! Democracy!

Gary: We're doing a season, and there's going to be a winner, and a bunch of losers, and we'll RIG it if we need to! It's NOT a democracy, and no one's here to have fun, this is hockey.

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Tyson Jost: Always remember to reverse gyrate your way out of bathrooms, for everyone's safety.

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Kyle Okposo: Dude, I'm the best, nobody can beat me...

Tony DeAngelo: [decks him] You said you're what?

Kyle: Fuck this game.

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Mathew Barzal: [pushing a cart full of alcohol] Hey chief, this stuff good for soup?

Retail Worker: No.

Mattew: Aaah! That's a yes.