Your ducks or your life

[holisticdetective42]

scotty does actually know he’s just into it

[holisticdetective42]

It’s healthy to communicate and keep your family updated with your evil schemes and plans

[holisticdetective42]

when I took the SAT for the first time they said I was useless and unforgivable, a blight to society. But when I took it the second time I got a 1390, which is pretty good considering

[funny-tik-toks]

[blemgoid]

I once sent a woman a text message so interesting that she took three whole days to read it

[holisticdetective42]

coworkers are addicted to crafting and casually saying new and incredibly erotic sentences such as “has anyone ever told you you have pleading eyes”

[holisticdetective42]

I appear to have single-handedly awakened a powerful spirit of entrepreneurialism on tumblr.com

[holisticdetective42]

I’m creating a sideshow exclusively featuringpeople with too many or too few fingers or toes. I will call it the amazing digital circus

[dogpuppy]

[scarlettaagni]

so i think the solution is to give dachshunds a third pair of legs right in the middle

[holisticdetective42]

coworkers are addicted to crafting and casually saying new and incredibly erotic sentences such as “has anyone ever told you you have pleading eyes”

[holisticdetective42]

NEVER giving one of those blue man group assholes a handjob EVER AGAIN! That shit STAINS!

[tallspookylady]

teamwork makes the dream work

[bobdylanyaoi]

if i were at folsom prison and johnny cash showed up and sang a song about how much it sucks to be in folsom prison i'd be like yeah johnny cash tell me about it 🙄

[holisticdetective42]

Went to a chinese restaurant and my fortune cookie just said “you’re fucked”. Not even any lucky numbers

[decemberwinter]

[f0restnympho420]

if someone doesn’t do something perverted with me soon i think im gonna die

[angelbabymikaa]

maybe it’s bc you’re always on that damn vibrator