[dailylarina]

‘National Anthem’ - Lana Del Rey (2012), dir. Anthony Mandler

[hungry-joe]

[robotmango]

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

[awed-frog]

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

[robotmango]

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

[scarylullabies]

I think I’ve reblogged this before, but “the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature” is fucking poetry

[toshio]

WHY ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS LMFAOOOOO

[mydaywithd-deactivated20180408]

Julie D’Aubigny was a 17th-century bisexual French opera singer and fencing master who killed or wounded at least ten men in life-or-death duels, performed nightly shows on the biggest and most highly-respected opera stage in the world, and once took the Holy Orders just so that she could sneak into a convent and shag a nun.

(via Feminism)

[bookshop]

bisexual opera singer who killed ten men and snuck into a convent to shag a nun.

[allyitis]

Just so y'all know, she later set that convent on fire so she and that nun could sneak out. And she seduced one of the men she’d dueled.

[johannesviii]

Mademoiselle de Maupin (Julie d’Aubigny) has always been one of my role models. I’m so glad this post exists so more people can learn about her. The more you know, the more there’s to love. Let’s see:

Around 1678 (she was like fourteen or fifteen), she was making a living in Marseilles by doing fencing exhibitions, dressed in male clothes, with her boyfriend who was on the run because he killed a guy in an illegal duel in Paris.

Then she joined an opera company and fell in love with a young woman, but the woman’s parents decided to put her in a convent to, you know, protect her honor and all that…

…so yeah, that’s when the whole “sneaking into a convent to help a nun sneak out and also putting the room on fire” thing happened.

She wounded a guy through the shoulder with a sword in a duel because he had made fun of her clothes. They became friends after she came back a few days later to ask if he was okay.

She beat a singer who was quite famous at the time because he was being a jerk to some women from her new opera troupe in Paris.

She kissed a young woman in front of everyone at a society ball, and that angered three noblemen who were there, so she beat them all in duel and fled to Brussels. Then she resumed her opera career there.

Then she returned to the Paris opera and had yet more problems with the law because she beat up her landlord.

She retired to a convent after the death of her love Madame la Marquise de Florensac, and died at only 33 years old.

The legend says that she never got arrested for all her deeds because king Louis XIV thought she was way too entertaining to deserve death. I have no idea if that’s true. But she did sing in Versailles for the Court, so there’s that.

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

She’s back on my dash!

The woman who is, no word of a lie, MY PERSONAL HERO :D

[christopher-bryant]

How badass can you be to basically get a lifetime pardon from the king?!

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

Julie D’aubigny: It’s okay I have a note from the king

“Julie can do what she wants - King Louis XIV”

[porterr-robinson]

[schizoauthoress]

Today I learned that Van Halen have that rider in their contract about “a bowl of M&Ms with all the brown ones removed” in order to know at a glance if the promoter read the entire contract.  And the reason they do THAT is because they once had a stage collapse because a promoter hadn’t read the proper way to set up all the specific technical stuff.

So if the band goes in the dressing room or catering and sees brown M&Ms, they know they have to double-check the stage setup for safety.

[darkfrog24]

I heard about this on Freakonomics Radio.  Turns out the bit about no brown M&Ms is HUGE, in BIG font, bold, underlined and quotated like they’re on the Group W Bench.

The band was all, “We have fifty-pound lights hanging over our heads and fire being shot out of cannons.  We had to know whether they read our safety regs so we didn’t flamebroil any roadies.”

[gobbochune-deactivated20241018]

interesting how this has become a meme in the music industry about divas. i’ve always heard jokes that amount to “this stuck up celebrity hates the green gummy bears!! they’re refusing to perform just for that???” and its reading stuff like this that i realise how that joke might have come about. people get grumpy that the band refuses to play but cant admit its because THEY’RE incompetent, so they make it all about the M&Ms. another example of artists using a creative method to ensure they have a perfectly reasonable request fulfilled that is then bastardised by lazy people who wanna make money off them. 

[thesylverlining]

…this is like the music industry version of hearing the truth behind the McDonalds hot coffee lawsuit

[amanda-jess27-deactivated201908]

Grading my 3rd graders papers and I see this 😭

[lizzey-deactivated20191029]

the mood for 2019

[spunkyspy]

THIS IS LITERALLY THE FUNNEIST TWEET SLKTJSLDKFJS

[southernsideofme-deactivated201]

[batbitequeen]

40 y/o white guy: Hey kid, ever hear about Rage Against the Machine? They really told it like it is! Fuck you I won’t do what you tell me!

me: Zack de la Rocha is Mexican Tom Morello is black Brad Wilk is jewish

40 y/o white guy: blue lives matter

[batbitequeen]

RATM: Some of those that work forces, are the same that burn crosses

40 y/o white guy that claims he likes RATM: blue lives matter

[lenins-and-things]

Was it Paul Ryan that claimed to be a RATM fan? Like, nationally? In public? On TV? And then RATM came out and shut him down?

[batbitequeen]

:)

[batbitequeen]

🙏✊🔥🙏

[mccoppinscrapyard]

Also I totally remembered this exchange:

[bass-borot]

The band is called Rage Against THE MACHINE Do these fuckers think that they just don’t like that one shirtless guy’s standup bit???? What do they think THE LITERAL MACHINE IN THE FUCKING NAME is?

[golfgalaxy]

my organs when i finally eat my first meal at 5pm

[undergroundcities-deactivated20]

When that meal is sour Gummi worms black coffee and Mac donalds

[political-chessboard]

This is reality for many individuals. While many in cities look at these headlines, stockpiling for Brexit, army on standby and call it project fear, these people are actually needing to prepare for it, because they are going to be worst affected

[interstellaries]

@ayeforscotland

[memewhore]

[mizeliza]

[princessrhcenyra]

fun fact: Michael Cera asked Rihanna if he could slap her ass for real and she said “you can slap my ass for real if I can slap you in the face for real” and he was like alright. and they did the take like 3 times and Michael was like “you’re not hitting me hard enough do it for real” and then she slapped the fuck out of him and threw off his equilibrium so much he had to go lay down in his trailer for like half an hour lmao and that’s the take they used in the movie with no added sound effects 

[voguebycalder]

some of y’all and the media is so disgusting and overwhelmingly sexist it’s ridiculous. justin bieber spent 2-3 years being a massive dick to everyone for no reason, putting people’s lives in danger by speeding down streets, and sleeping with underaged girls. he goes on stage singing “sorry” and crying and all is forgiven. he still sells a ton, still has huge concerts, no one cares. but ariana grande literally has 22 of her fans blown up in front of her and people only gave a fuck for 3 months? she is groped at a FUNERAL and all people can talk about is how short her dress is. she leaves a toxic relationship with a substance abuser and SHE is blamed for his death. y’all really hate women!