'gift' for @holysln u w u
He wants to tell her: it's okay.
Baal wants to hold Marina to his chest and tell her: it's okay, it's not that scary to die. I've been ready for a long time.
He believes in this momentary lie for a second- he's always been such a good liar, after all. He remembers telling her in their childhood that he had no crush on her- that he liked their classmate, whoever she was. This would seed their inevitable feud in their middle school years, where for four years and thirteen days they hadn't said a word to each other.
Baal remembered her saying- "It's okay, you don't have to walk on egg shells around me anymore." When they first spoke again, that was what she said to him- and he instantly relaxed. He smiled and apologized a second time- this time, from the bottom of his heart. "I didn't really like her, you know... It was always you, just in case you were wondering." He replied, leaving her to mull the words in her head- and gawk at him in shock as he wandered to the next class.
It was possibly the best thing he ever did- because he got to ask her to prom three months later when Mello stood her up. The truth is- he had been planning on stealing her away from that guy for ages. He was a good liar, and after all. He spent a lifetime doing it.
But right now, that facade of his is failing him- he tries to crack a smile and make a joke, but oh. She's crying. Her eyes are flooding with tears- faster than his mind can comprehend, and it hurts him more than the bullet wound.
"Baal. Baal. Please. Hold on, the ambulance is coming- we- I'll take the blame and-" and her voice is shaking so bad, that he has to reach for her- grab her to calm her down. She winces, as if every wound he had was her own to bear- and currently, she was feeling it tenfold, even if he was the one fatally shot.
He didn't want to leave her like everyone else in her life had- that is also what scared him. Not just the darkness, but the fact she would be alone. Again.
His eyes cast downward in shame- shame that he will not be there for her next birthday. It makes his stomach churn- or maybe that is the bullet lodged between rib cage that makes it so.
Baal wants to tell her: it's okay to let go of me. It's okay to find someone someday, who isn't such a piece of garbage waiting to die.
He fights with his inner voice for a long time- wanting to say something funny, or sweet. Something memorable. Baal had been so desperate to reach the end of his life- that now that it's happening, it doesn't surprise him as bad- it could be scarier, he muses. But he can't imagine what she feels right now- staring down at him, watching the blood leave his wound no matter how hard she presses on his weakening body.
"It's okay, Mari. You know i've loved you for a long time, anyways."
