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@honestavengers
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Could you please say what admins are still here? I'm not sure if the character will be the same and if you get a new admin for somebody I like then they won't know my precious problems.
Sure! Admin Kayla and Admin Charlotte. If you use the same name as you did before, new admins can read up on former conversations you’ve had with a character so we’re on the same page with you. :)
Is this page still active? It's been quite a while since anything was posted...
Hi, friend!
That’s an excellent question, and a complicated one. The truth is, our admins have been overwhelmed both by life, and by the number of messages we’ve received. We’ve lost a number of excellent admins that have done a fantastic job being their characters, and we want to thank our former admins for the work they’ve done.
We’ve decided to delete all messages in our inbox, but we will continue to take new messages. If there’s anything pressing that we’ve deleted, please re-send your message to us. We extend a huge apology to all of you for this decision, but it is the only path we could see for us to continue running this blog.
We will also likely be opening up new admin applications soon, and when we do, please spread that post all over Tumblr! We can’t wait to have new admins join us and help answer your messages.
Thank you for all of your patience and kindness during these rough few months, and thank you for caring.
-The Honest Avengers Team
hey it's tarsila again, sorry for spamming but I think I forgot to hit anon in a few of my asks, and if I did, if there any way you could put them as anonymous? thank you!
Hello.
It’s okay. I don’t think we received the first part of your ask. so if you could send it in again but on anon, then we will be able to copy the rest of the messages onto it keeping everything anonymous.
Thank you.
Admin Charlotte.
My name is Cy and I was hoping someone could help me? Would it really change if I die tonight? All I do is screw up and make people upset and disappointed. Would anyone truly be sad? Or all secretly happy? The voice in my head says the former. Thanks
Hi Cy,Bruce listening. I don’t know what situations have brought you to think such of yourself, but I do know that I’ve been there. If it hadn’t been for the Other Guy… well, I wouldn’t be here now. I was not just a screwup, I was the screwup. I’d flattened an entire city. What kind of monster would do that?But past all I had done, I was still a human being. That meant I had the capacity to change. It meant I didn’t have to be defined by my past, that I could make myself a future. I could help people, and I could find meaning. And I did.
People would be upset if you died. I would. If you know someone who committed suicide, think back to when you heard about it. Think back to their funeral. Did anyone seem happy there? Funerals from suicide are among the saddest I’ve seen. The person had so many opportunities in life that they missed out on. So many missed experiences. And the people around them? They were full of so many regrets of how could they not know? And what could we have done more? It’s awful.Please reach out to 7cupsoftea, an emergency line (18002738255),or a loved one. Suffering alone is the worst thing you can do. It may seem scary, but I promise the worst of it is now and you will get better.Yours,Bruce
I think I might be a bad person. When I was younger (11/12) I believed anything I read in the media... including some really problematic stuff. I thought that newspapers couldn't lie, so problematic information (even from opinion columns) were accepted as facts. I don't believe that stuff now, but I don't know if it's even possible for me, as someone who benefits from racism and cissexism, to really be a good person, especially considering what I believed when I was 11. I've never had great 1/2
I’ve never had good self esteem and now I don’t know if I can trust myself anymore. Is it wrong of me to even ask this because I’m white/cis and it subtracts from real problems, like racism? I don’t know what to think.
Hello.
Is there a name I can call you by?
As a child and a teen you are very susceptible to media influence and influence from family or friends. This is how you develop your own opinion from those around if. If you happen to be shown negative opinions and nothing goes against them arguably you can’t be blamed for them.
If you’ve never be given conflicting views to racism, it becomes a norm until you or someone else help change those opinions. As you get older you may be able to challenge these.
What we believe and think as a child cannot really be of your own blame, however it is down to you now to fight those. It doesn’t make you a bad person as long as you now know they are wrong and want to change those thoughts.
It is hard, but it is possible.
I hope that this can help. And that you are changing how you perceive the world from how you did in childhood.
Maria.
I'm SO sorry I'm spamming your ask box but I just wanted to make sure the first part of my message ((C)) was on anonymous? ((Again I'm really sorry)) xx
Hi C!
Your message was anonymous, no worries.
~Admin Kayla
(Part 1) Hi, can I talk to Dr. Banner please? I apologize beforehand if this is somewhat incoherent since I have been crying on and off for the past few minutes. There are so many things I want say...Basically, I have pretty severe anxiety and depression (among other things) and I am going on a trip soon. I love to travel but I don't want to go this time. It will be my first time leaving my cockatiel for more than a day. He has been helping me with my anxiety and-
-is very dear to me. We are very close even though I haven't had him for more than a few months. I've even thought about having him registered as an ESA with approval from my therapist. My grandpa will be taking care of him and my brother's cockatiel while we are away. He loves animals and is good with them but thinking about not seeing Data (my bird) for a week fills me with worry and just hurts. I confided this to my mother but I must have said something wrong because she got- got frustrated with me or so it seemed. I hate it when my family or friends are upset with me because it makes me feel microscopic. I already struggle with self-esteem and knowing I upset people makes me feel like a monster. (I think maybe you feel like that sometimes.) My boyfriend and therapist are the only people that do not get frustrated with me when I am anxious and need reassurance. I understand why people get frustrated with me though. But it still hurts. Any suggestions?
Hi Murkrow,
I’m glad to here you get to travel! Going new places has always been one of my passions too. I do know what it’s like to be around people who think I’m a monster. It hurts. But I read something inspiring by Victor Frankl, a psychologist who was experimented on by Nazis during WW2. Maybe it can help you, too. 'Between stimulus and response, there is a space.’ What he meant was, between what someone does to us, and our reaction, there is a gap. In that space, we decide our reaction. Our decision can change our reaction, and it can change how we feel. We can’t stop other people’s reactions, but we can change our own. So realizing that we can’t change other people’s emotions will help us to understand that we are not responsible for them. We are responsible for our actions and thoughts, and we can change them.
Continue to work on self-esteem. Talk to your therapist. Do things that relax you. Call your boyfriend for reassurance. Write down one positive thing you’ve done each day, because doing this will re-wire your brain to look for the positive in the world, instead of looking for the things that could possibly scare you, or hurt you. There’s no instant shortcut, but you will find the path to health. It’s a path I travel myself as well.
For your friend Data, perhaps you can plan to call your grandpa during a bathroom break or two every day of the vacation. Offer to mow his lawn or cook him food as a thank-you for doing so. After that phone call, try to remember that Data is in good hands and write down all of the lovely reasons why he is fine and safe, and remember that your vacation is actually a very short period of time. Have fun! Data will still be there when you get back, healthy and happy.
Yours,
Bruce
Hey, I was wondering if I could talk to Bucky? You can just call me E. Well, yesterday a friend of mine committed suicide, and since I was already depressed I've gotten much worse. My mom doesn't quite understand and is now yelling at me to "be in a better mood" and to just "suck it up and be happy". I cut, and yesterday I made 15 marks and today I made 12 (probably because I really hate myself). I am so lost and don't know what to do. Please help.
Hey E,
Whoa, whoa, whoa, we’regonna do a breathing exercise real quick, okay? Inhale and count backwards from5…4…3…2…1. Good. Now exhale and do the same thing…5…4…3…2…1.Awesome job! Do you feel calmer?
I am so, so sorry for your loss. Suicide is a tough thing to talk about and deal with the aftermath of. You gotta know that it is okay to grieve, and there will be some days where you feel like the world is caving in, but please, please, please, I don’t wanna see you using a not-so-awesome coping mechanism to deal with it. Self-harm, especially at a point where you feel kinda sorta really numb, is Not Good. It’s destructive and can lead to you really hurting yourself, which we wanna avoid. Can you figure out a specific trigger ortriggers that you might have? If you can, you’regonna wanna try to avoid those things as much as possible. Blacklist their tagson tumblr, and ask your friends not to talk about that sorta stuff if it’ssomething that comes up in conversation. Another thing I would do would be toget rid of whatever it is you use to self-harm. Throw it in the rubbish bin,destroy it, burn it– okay, maybe you don’t wanna do that lastone– but I’d definitely suggest getting rid of it somehow. Ifyou’re gonna throw it in a rubbish bin, throw it in a random one or maybe yourneighbor’s, so you’re not tempted to go back for it. When you feel the urge tocut, try to distract yourself by doing something that involves your body oroccupies your hands. Draw on the places you like to cut, go find that hellacool Game of Thrones coloring book and go to town, play with your dog, go for arun, have a dance party, or try cooking. This list is a totally awesome list of alternatives, ‘cause it’s gonna giveyou alternatives based off of your current mood.
Healthy grieving is kinda weird, but basically, you’ve gotta steer clear of destructive behaviors. This might sound cliche, but you’re gonna need to be gentle with yourself. Everyone grieves differently, so don’t think that you gotta set up some sorta deadline to be “over it” by– that’s not how it works, y’know? Writing in a journal might help you get out your feelings when you don’t know how to express them, just like drawing or painting. There are also a lotta books out there that help people with grieving. Libraries are full of ‘em! Also, keeping some sorta keepsake with you– like a bracelet or a pin or something– that reminds you of your friend is something that people say has been helpful for ‘em. Here’s the full guide for you to check out.
I think that you might wanna talk to atherapist about all of this. You’ve got a helluva lotta stuff on your plate,and it’s not easy to handle all of this alone. I know thattherapy can seem kinda sorta definitely scary, but it really can help. Remember,not every therapist is gonna be the right one for you, and if you don’t thinkyour therapist is helping you, you can always switch therapists– of course, yagotta give it a few months first, ‘cause it takes a coupla months to getin the swing of things and see what’s up.
I hope this helped, E.
Stay strong,
Bucky Barnes
Hi, I'm Jess but I can go by something else if Jess is already taken. This is for Bucky, if possible. I've been struggling with anorexia for about 5 years now and I was starting to feel like I was finally in a good place, but everything came crashing down. I get triggered really easily and I love the feeling of being hungry and my body image is just so so so bad... I really want to fall back into my destructive behaviors. I guess I just need validation that this is a part of recovery?
Hey Jess,
Alright, so, the thingabout recovery is that a lotta people have a kinda warped version of what it’ssupposed to be. They think it’s gonna be like one of those stock market graphsthat keeps going up, when it’s totally not like that at all. Sometimes you’regonna take three steps forward and two steps back, and you know what? That’sokay. It doesn’t make you weak. You just gotta keep fighting. I know it seemsreally hard right now, but things are gonna get better.
Alright, so, I think that you might wannatalk to a therapist about all of this. You’ve got a helluva lotta stuff on yourplate, and it’s not easy to handle all of this alone. I knowthat therapy can seem kinda sorta definitely scary, but it really can help. Remember,not every therapist is gonna be the right one for you, and if you don’t thinkyour therapist is helping you, you can always switch therapists– of course, yagotta give it a few months first, ‘cause it takes a coupla months to getin the swing of things and see what’s up.
As far as eating goes,eating is hella important and you’ve gotta eat. I know it can be scary, and Iknow it can make anxiety skyrocket, but you wanna keep your body energized soyou can get through your long days. I know that I felt like I needed it, sohere: you have permission to eat. Even if you feel like you’ve eaten toomuch today or yesterday, or if you’ve not eaten at all. Even if you’ve notexercised today, or haven’t for two weeks– you deserve to eat. You havepermission to eat. A good exercise would be, when you make a meal, totry and get one of each food group on your plate. Or, try the color game– tryto get a food for every color of the rainbow on your plate. It’s kindaridiculous, but when I wasn’t eating, Steve made me and the rest of the team doit. It kinda sorta– okay, yeah, it totally did– became a competition to seehow many different colored foods we could get on our plate each night. Winnergot to choose the movie for team movie night, or the training circuit for thenext day, or what we were gonna have for dinner the next night. Jess, you havean awesome and unique body, and it deserves awesomeness. This guide is really helpful, especially ‘cause it gives tips on how to talk to someone about an eating disorder– someone like a parent, I mean. It can be hella scary to talk to an adult about this stuff, but when it effects your life SO much, it’s really important to talk about it.
I hope this helped, Jess!
Bucky Barnes
Is it weird that I feel like I don't matter? Is it weird that I am crying at 3 AM because I don't understand that people can still be friends with me? Is it weird that I am constantly doubting myself? Is it weird that I am afraid that my friends will turn around one day and realise that others are better friends for them than I am? Is it weird that I am afraid to say my feelings because of how people will react? Is it weird that I am afraid to let my crush know that she is my crush (part 1)
Because of the fear of rejection? Is it weird that I am afraid to be fully me? Am I weird? (Part 2) -Vera
Hello Vera.
I am sorry for the delay in my response.
As an overall response. No it isn’t weird, you aren’t weird. So many people feel the same way as you do. I know I’ve felt some of these things, and the rest of the team have felt at least one of these things before.
Have you tried talking to a counsellor? I think it will help you. Your perception of yourself and what is occurring seems to be affected in someway, and speaking to a professional will be able to help you feel better.
If you don’t have access to therapy maybe speaking on a helpline such as The Samaritans may help you find something that will work for you. Talking about how you feel once can do amazing things, and maybe you won’t need to continue talking to a therapist but it’s not an issue if you do.
An important thing to do with each of these questions is ask ‘Why?’ as once you know why you think that way or what causes those thoughts it is much easier to solve the problem.
If you need to talk I am here.
Clint.
Hi, it's Murkrow. Did you guys get my ask for Dr. Banner? Just checking in to make sure.
Hi Murkrow! Thanks for checking in with us, buddy. Your ask was received will be answered in the next 3 days or so.
Thanks for your patience with us!
Yours,
Bruce
For anyone. I'm going away for a week and my kitty will be home alone. I am so scared/anxious that I'll come back and he'll be sick or something. I know it's irrational, but it's causing a lot of stress. Thanks. Gethin.
Hello Gethin.
Is there a friend or family member you can ask to pop in to check on your cat? Maybe even a neighbour?
It is a completely rational fear, as pets mean a lot to people and it’s clear that your cat means a lot to you.
Cats are very independent creatures. So there isn’t really a reason to worry.
I hope everything is okay.
Natasha.
Um, hi there, I'm Eria. I suppose this is for anyone really. I have bad depression which I've been trying to see therapists for, but nothing is working. In fact I'm getting worse. I don't want to talk to my friends about this stuff in fear of loosing them, and I can't talk to my parents because they are too busy. I spend most of my days helping other people out, and hiding my emotional pain. I'm so lost right now...I began to cut again. I won't kill myself - to weak to do that. Help. Please?
Hello Eria.
Firstly you won’t lose your friends by telling them what you are going through. If they are true friends they will be there to help and support you in any way that they can. And it may seem that your parents are too busy, but they are there to help you, and they can’t if you aren’t completely honest with them.
It’s hard to talk to people, and it is normal to feel like a burden on people, but you aren’t. They love you and they want to help, but they can’t if you don’t initiate conversation.
It may feel impossible now with therapy, but it is important to keep trying and work until you find a therapist that works for you. Everyone is different and it may take a few tries but you’ll find a therapist you connect with.
Don’t consider yourself weak for not killing yourself. You are strong. You are fighting and you aren’t prepared to give in yet. You are working hard and you are going to beat this. It does get better.
Please don’t self harm. Fighting pain with pain isn’t helpful, and it makes everything so much worse in the long run. This link will take you to a list of self harm alternatives.
If you ever need to talk I am here.
Maria Hill.
So yeah, Lottie here, and basically my mum saw my self harm scars today and I made some half assed excuse but I know she doesn't believe me and I'm totally freaking out. I've been clean for a few months but I really don't want to bring it all up and I'm really scared of her confronting me basically I don't know what to do. Thanks, lottie
Hi Lottie,
Bruce here. I’m not sure if this still applies to the situation, but I want you to continue on to a place where self-harm is a thing of the past that you’ve overcome, and I want you to get to a place where you can feel comfortable talking about it.
If you’re not at that point yet, that is okay. You are okay. You are awesome. Tell her a cat scratched you when you picked it up. Tell her you’re clumsy. You don’t owe her the truth until you are comfortable with telling it.
Listen to some music that fits how you feel. Take some time to yourself to express your fear, or worry. Scream into your pillow or write down the worst possible thing that could happen. When you calm down, rip up everything you’ve written into indecipherable bits and flush it down the toilet. Then do something that makes you happy.
Yours,
Bruce
Hi, I'm sorry for bothering you all, my name is Hope (ironically, as I have none) but you can call me H if you'd like. I have a long history (eight years history) of getting bullied, and I don't know how exactly to cope with it all anymore. Because of the bulling I've lost my friends, gained anxiety and depression, began to cut, and just overall feel worthless (probably because I am). I don't really expect an answer, but if someone does,I'm really open to any advice or help you may have. Thanks.
Hi Hope,
Bruce answering. Thank you for taking the time to write us. I’m sorry to hear about your history of being bullied. I want you to know that I believe you are strong. I believe you are brave, and I believe you have the capacity to overcome these hard things you’ve been given. When you feel the urge to self-harm, I want you to check out the tips on our page for combating self-harm, or look up other alternatives. Using a red pen or Crayola marker can help, as can holding ice against the area where you want to cut.
I want you to be happy. Science has, after who knows how many centuries, provided us with some knowledge of how to gain happiness. Even going for a ten minute jog, or doing 20 jumping jacks, or sit-ups can help release dopamine, the happy hormone. Do it because you deserve to be happy, and not for shallow, superficial reasons that society has taught us. It will also help you to feel like you have some sort of control over yourself, over your life, in a positive and constructive way. I recommend this Ted Talk on happiness (it’s very funny, so please do check it out). The same man in the Ted Talk also wrote a helpful book called The Happiness Advantage. The happier you are, the better lens you will have to see the world. Increasing your self-confidence will increase your ability to reach out to others. You can also check out the book, ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’.
I think it may be helpful to talk to a mental health professional. They can be our champions. They are always on our side, and can help us look at challenges in a new way, and provide us with the resources to help us. If you’re still being bullied, if you still feel hopeless, a psychologist can help you resolve these issues and find a solution that works for you as an individual.
Your friend,
Bruce