SomewhereInBrooklyn

Somewhere in Brooklyn is a Fanfic story affiliated with @HooliganCosmos twitter page.

[the-thousand-synonyms-of-love]

[the-thousand-synonyms-of-love]

[hooligancosmos]

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[hooligancosmos]

Somewhere In Brooklyn- Chapter Thirteen: Los Angeles

Chapter Thirteen: Los Angeles

Bruno: When I woke up everything was foggy. My head hurt worse than ever, my throat felt like someone had shoved a knife down it, and I couldn’t breathe through my nose at all. There was something covering my mouth, it felt weird. The lights were way too bright to be in my hotel room. I had no idea where I was. I opened my eyes, but the light was too much at first so I snapped them shut. I tried to stretch but it felt like someone punched my in the chest. I flinched in on myself reaching up to wrap my arm around my stomach, but I felt a chord of some sort hanging off of my hand. I opened my eyes again, but I had to squint to see anything. “Take it easy,” I heard. The voice was garbled. I opened my eyes a little farther, adjusting to the brightness. It was Phil. “Dude, what happened?” I tried. It came out as a hoarse whisper. And it hurt like someone kicked me in the throat. I coughed but it was a bad idea. I started to wheeze. I felt eighty years old. “You’re sick dude, your lung collapsed and you stopped breathing. I had to call 9-1-1 and have an ambulance rush you to the hospital.” He explained. I groaned. “Ugh the hospital, really?” I complained. I noticed the IV in my hand and the breathing mask on my mouth. I tried to pull it off, but Phil stopped me, giving me a look. I rolled my eyes and fell back on the bed. “I didn’t have any other choice. They had to re-inflate your lung so you would breathe properly.” He said. “Why did my lung collapse? That’s not normal,” I squeaked. Phil shrugged. “I don’t know man, they’re not sure yet. They said they would do some tests to make sure it wasn’t serious though. The doctor said he’d check in on you when you woke up. They had to keep you asleep to fix your lung.” He explained. I groaned again. Hospitals brought me nothing but misery. It was quiet for a minute. “How long have I been here? I should call Brooklyn,” I said looking around for my phone. Phil looked at me funny. “What?” I asked. “I already talked to her,” he said. I slumped forward. “You didn’t tell her.” I demanded. “Sorry man, I did.” He shrugged. “You told her I was in the hospital?!” I tried to shout, but my voice wouldn’t allow it. I winced. “What did you want me to do? Lie to her?” Phil said with a straight face. I ignored his question. “Do you know how much she’s gonna freak out? She’s a girl! They always freak out over stuff like this,” I ranted. “I know. And she would freak out even more if I lied to her and didn’t tell her, so, I chose to live.” He joked. I sighed. “What did she say?” I asked. “Not much, but I have a feeling she’ll have a lot to say to you when she gets here,” he laughed. I winced again. “She’s…You…Shit.” I cursed and sighed. “When?” I asked suddenly feeling tired again. “Well, actually any minute now. It’s been about eight hours.” He replied. I tried to mentally prepare myself. “I’m gonna go grab the Doc and tell him you’re up,” Phil said standing up and stalking out of the room. I knew Brooklyn was going to freak out. For one, she was a girl, and they never took sickness lightly. For two, I wasn’t just sick in bed, I was sick in the hospital. And lastly, she had warned me so many times that my schedule wasn’t healthy and that I was going to get sick and she had been right. I had no idea which Brooklyn to expect. The one that is sweet and gentle and soothes away all my worries. Or scary, protective Brooklyn who is always right and will lecture me for not taking better care of myself. Either way, if I had to be in the hospital, the thought of seeing her made the idea feel a little less terrible. I laid back and closed my eyes, just waiting until I heard footsteps and someone knock on the door. I opened my eyes. It was the Doctor. “Peter?” He questioned stepping into the room and shutting the door. I winced. “Yeah, uh, could you call me Bruno? No one calls me Peter.” I whispered. He nodded. “Of course. So, Bruno, I would like to talk to you about your condition.” He said, very business like. I nodded for him to continue. “Well, we found out what caused your Pneumothorax, or, in other words, collapsed lung. You have a case of Bronchitis, which is common and most people can fight off with antibiotics, but you also have developed a case of Pneumonia. The combination of the two can be quite messy. Which is why you haven’t been feeling for the past week or so, and you never saw a doctor or received antibiotics. The chronic coughing was too much for your lung to handle. You should be fine now, considering we got you all patched up. You’re gonna be sore for the next few days, and we’re going to keep you here overnight for observation.” He explained in rushed tones. I tried to listen to everything. “I’m going to put you on an antibiotic, Penicillin, and a steroid to help you regain your strength, both of which you‘re receiving right now through your IV. I’m also going to prescribe you an inhaler in case you have any shortness of breath while recovering. You should be feeling better by the end of the week, but I want you to stay on the medication for at least ten days.” He breathed. “Any questions?” I shook my head and blinked. He stood up. “I’ll be back to check on you in a while, but if you need anything just buzz for a nurse, alright?” He said adjusting some dials on one of my machines. I nodded. He turned to leave. “Wait,” I whispered. He stopped and turned back, tucking his clipboard under his arm. “I do have a question. Two actually.” I said attempting to clear my throat for more volume. “Do I have to keep this mask on? And when can I fly home to New York?” I questioned. “I’m going to suggest that you sleep with the oxygen, just for tonight, and in the morning we’ll check how your levels are. But I can get a nurse in here to switch you from a mask to a nasal tube so it won’t be so uncomfortable. It’s usually a good idea to stay on oxygen for at least the night since you stopped breathing on the way here. And you can leave the hospital tomorrow afternoon, if you continue to recover, but I wouldn’t suggest flying anywhere until you’re feeling completely better. If it was just Pneumonia or just Bronchitis I would say that you could rough a six hour flight home, but you have both. And considering the fact that already collapsed your lung, you don’t want to risk something like that happening on a plane with no medical attention. You should stay in LA at least until the end of the week. Then fly home when you’re feeling better.” He explained. I nodded and he left. I sighed. Another knock on the door. Phil. “Talk to the Doc?” He asked slumping down in a chair. “Yup,” I said. He looked as exhausted as I felt. He yawned, confirming my suspicions. “Eh Phil man why don’t you head on home? You look beat, and I’m gonna be fine here by myself.” I said. “Nah man, I’m not gonna leave you,” Phil replied reaching over to slap my shoulder. The door opened and Brooklyn walked through, looking worried, like I knew she would. Phil stood up. “On second thought, I’ll see you tomorrow Bruno!” He piped. He hugged Brooklyn, “Let me know if you need anything sweetie,” he told her, giving me a wide eyed gaze before he popped out the door. She was silent, just standing at the side of the bed, looking at me. Her eyes were gentle, but fierce. Her look was a mixture of concern and gratitude. “Hi,” I whispered roughly. She plopped down in the chair at my bedside. “How are you feeling?” She whispered just as quiet as I had been. “A lot better than before,” I lied. She rolled her eyes. “Bull shit,” she scoffed. There was my Brooklyn. I chuckled. “Okay you’re right, my head is pounding, I feel like someone kicked me in the throat, and my chest is killing me. On top of that I’m starving, I’m pretty sure they have a catheter in me, and I’m wearing a hospital gown.” I complained. Everything sounded muffled under my oxygen mask, but I could tell she understood me by the smile that stretched across her face. “What did the doctor say?” She asked pulling the ponytail out of her hair and letting it fall down her back. She messed it with her hand and I could smell coconut. “I have Bronchitis, and pneumonia, and my lung collapsed. I have to stay here until tomorrow, and I have to sleep with oxygen tonight, but I should be better by the end of the week.” I said. “I’ll stay with you,” she promised reaching forward to grab my hand. I smiled. “Babe you don’t have to. I’m gonna be fine here. You can go sleep in my bed, at the hotel. Besides, did you even bring anything with you?” I asked. She shook her head. “I just have this,” She said unzipping her dance bag. Inside were a pair of dance shoes, a grey t-shirt, a towel, a playbill of some sort, her wallet, cell phone, and a tube of chapstick. “But I called my mom in the cab and explained what happened. She’s going to put some extra money in my account so that I can buy some stuff while I’m here. I told her I would be fine, I have my savings, and my money from the dance studio, but she insisted and wouldn’t take no for an answer.” She rambled. “Were you at work when Phil called?” I wondered. She was in her tight black dance pants and blue zip up, with a black undershirt and her Nike’s. She sighed. “Yeah…I was,” she stumbled, but it was a lie. I bit my cheek. She was a terrible liar. Too obvious. “You were at the dance studio?” I pressed. She thought about my question before answering. “No.” She said. It was the truth. Her eyes found the back wall for a moment and she spaced out, but then she took a deep breath and her gaze was back to me. She smiled. “Just some audition, but it was stupid. I didn’t really want the part anyway.” She replied, messing with her hair. “Aw babe, I’m sorry. You should have stayed an auditioned. I’m fine,” I apologized. My career seemed to get in the way too often recently. I was afraid she would stop being so gracious about it. “No, it’s okay. I promise. It was a stupid role anyway, only had one line,” she waved it off with a smirk. “I’m right where I need to be,” she said. It was quiet. A nurse knocked on the door and came in. “Peter, right?” She asked, shaking my hand. I winced. God this was annoying. “Bruno,” I corrected. Brooklyn scooted back to let the nurse in. She was messing with my oxygen machine. “Bruno it is,” she smiled, “I’m just gonna switch you off of this annoying oxygen mask and give you a tube that will rest inside your nose instead. How does that sound?” She asked. She was chipper, the way you would imagine a nurse to be. Floral scrubs and all. “Amazing,” I almost moaned. I was extremely annoyed by it. Brooklyn stood up. “I’m gonna go grab some coffee, I’m kind of tired,” she said, “I’ll be back soon.” She smiled before leaving the room, shutting the door behind her. “That your girl?” The nurse asked, removing the mask from my face. I stretched my jaw out. “Yep, that’s her,” I whispered, still struggling with the loss of my voice. She focused on wrapping the tubes around the back of my head and adjusting them in my nostrils. “She’s one pretty gal,” she commented. I smiled, because it was true. “Thank you, she is.” I agreed. “And loyal, she missed an audition and took all day to fly here from New York to see me,” I bragged. She was finished with the oxygen. “Well aint you special?” She teased with her slight southern accent. “Better?” She asked. I twitched my mouth, feeling it out. “Much better, thank you.” I said. She smiled. “Don’t mention it, if you need anything else my name is Mandy, I’ll be your nurse for the night. Just push that button on your bed and I’ll be here.” She said. I thanked her again before she left the room, closing the door behind her.

Brooklyn:

I yawned as I shut the door to Bruno’s room behind me. These florescent lights really weren’t helping anything. I stopped by the nurse’s station to ask for directions to caffeine, but there was someone already there talking with one of the nurses. I didn’t mean to listen in, but it was kind of impossible. “No, he’s here I’m sure of it,” the guy said to the nurse. She looked frustrated. “Sir, I’ve already told you three times, there’s no one here by that name,” she repeated. “Look it up again,” he demanded. She sighed. “What’s the last name?” She asked. It must have been the end of her shift because she looked exhausted. “’Mars.’ First name, ‘Bruno,’” he said. I flinched. “You’re looking for Bruno?” I interjected. He turned to look at me, but it was sort of a glare. “Yes, do you know where he is?” He almost growled. “Well, that depends on who’s asking?” I growled back. I was in no mood to be messed with. “His record producer,” he said a little gentler. I straightened a little. “You’re Brandon?” I asked, surprised that he looked so young. I had been expecting a sixty year old, former rolling stone. He nodded. “And you would be?” He inquired. I attempted to smile. “My name is Brooklyn. And you couldn’t find him under Bruno, because that’s not his birth name. I turned to the nurse. Try, ‘Peter Hernandez,’” I told her. She punched it in the computer. “Yep, Peter Hernandez, room B17,” she piped. We both looked a bit smug. He turned to face her. “Thank you,” he said. He moved around me to find Bruno’s room. I stepped up to the nurse’s counter. “Sorry about that.” I apologized. She smiled tentatively. “Coffee?” I questioned. “Downstairs, take your first left and you’ll see the food court.” She offered. I smiled and thanked her. Suddenly someone was behind me. “I’ll join you, I could use some myself,” Brandon said. I was taken aback. “Oh, uh, okay,” I said stumbling down the hallway. He followed beside me. When we were in the elevator he spoke to me again. “So, you’re Brooklyn, huh? The girl with the other half of Bruno’s heart,” he said. I was starting to associate his voice with the sound of a donkey. “What do you mean, the other half?” I asked sounding annoyed. I made it a point not to look at him. “Well clearly he’s in love with you, I practically offered him the world on a platter, but he said no.” He complained. I glanced at him in shock at what he’d said, but his face annoyed me so I looked away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I muttered. The elevator opened up. I didn’t wait for him, but took the first left and headed to the food court. He followed close behind in order to keep with the conversation. “He didn’t tell you? I offered him fame, money, cars, clothes, a mansion, girls. A life of luxury on the sandy beaches of Los Angeles, but he turned it all down, for you. He said he would work from home, flying back and forth and back and forth and back, every weekend, just so he could spend time with you. Sounds like love to me.” He rambled. I ignored him, filling up a tall cup of coffee and adding milk and cream. He shadowed me, choosing packets of sugar to pour in his cup. “Now that I think about it, it’s kind of your fault that he’s in here,” he continued. I was two seconds away from junk punching him, but I knew Bruno would suffer the consequence for it. I turned towards him, annoyed. “Really, and how is it my fault?” I questioned. “Well, if it weren’t for you, he could stay here, all the time, he wouldn’t be so tired all the time. He could just record and go home, but he chooses to fly back and forth all the time, he loses sleep, gets sick, and BAM now he’s in the hospital and I lose a full week of work.” He explained as brash and rude as I’d been expecting. I chuckled. “Really, cause the way I see it is, if you didn’t have him flying out here every single week, working him from dusk to dawn, and not giving a shit about his health, then he wouldn’t be here either. I, on the other hand, have been worried about his health from the first day he started showing symptoms of sickness. I’ve been there to give him medicine and make him soup and take care of him. That is whenever I do get to see him, because, oh yeah, he sees the inside of a studio more than he sees his own girlfriend. And instead of taking notice that he had been sick and giving him some time off, to feel better, you still worked his ass to the bone, and it took you 9 hours to even show up to make sure he was okay. And I miss an audition, fly out here all the way from New York City to make sure he’s okay, just to have some jerk tell me that it‘s my fault that he‘s even sick in the first place. You must be joking. In my opinion, it’s YOUR fault that he’s in here, and not mine.” I said, turning to walk away. He followed behind, completely un-phased by my rant. “Wow Brook, you got a little bark to your bite,” he retorted behind me, “I like that.” He growled. I gagged and continued walking, ignoring him. I found my way to the elevator and pushed the button. He caught up and grabbed the doors before they closed, pushing his way inside. I rolled my eyes and stayed in the corner. “I just want you to know, you’re holding him back.” He said, all of the sudden serious. “And if he doesn’t make it; if he flops, it’s going to be because he was holding on to you so tightly.” He stated. I turned to face him. “He will make it, but it WON’T be because of you. It will be because he’s talented, and a great songwriter, and an amazing singer. He’ll make it because of him; not because of you, or me, or anyone else.” I said with full confidence. “I guess we’ll see,” He smirked. “No. You’ll see,” I corrected him. “I have full confidence in who Bruno is. He’s passionate and he works hard and he’s great at what he does. So he WILL make it, that’s not even a question. The elevator doors opened up and I didn’t wait to leave him, heading for Bruno’s room. I opened the door without knocking. Brandon followed behind me. Bruno smiled. “Babe, I’m gonna run to the store and get some stuff that I need, I’ll be back in an hour or so.” I explained, kissing his forehead and grabbing my duffel bag. “You’re taking a cab?” He asked, stopping me. I turned. “Yeah,” I said. “It’s dark out, and it’s not the safest. I just…” He paused, “I don’t want you going alone.” I bit my lip. “I’ll call Phil,” I said, leaving before Brandon could possibly offer to take me. Phil gladly offered to take me. He used the car Brandon had bought for Bruno to pick me up. We had a plan to go to the store, get what we needed, head back to Bruno’s hotel so I could drop off the stuff, I would drive Bruno’s car to the hospital, and Phil would drive his car to his condo from the hotel.

“Target good?” Phil asked. I’d been staring out the window for the last fifteen minutes, observing the city. I’d never been to Los Angeles before so everything was new, and nothing seemed the way it looked on TV. I cleared my throat. I was still tired, despite my large cup of coffee. “Yeah, Target is fine. I don’t need anything fancy,” I said. Phil turned into the parking lot and found a spot to park. I grabbed my credit card and my cell phone and tucked my bag under the passenger seat before ducking out of the car. Phil waited for me, a true gentleman. “Thanks again Phil,” I said casually. He messed my hair. “No problem kiddo,” he teased. I chuckled and ran a hand through my hair to fix it. It had to be a complete mess. We found a cart and made our rounds through the aisles. Phil grabbed random things off the shelves to fill the cart. Mostly junk food. “You hungry?” I asked. He shrugged. “What? You think you’re the only one who needs to shop?” He joked, adding a box of pop tarts in the cart. I laughed. I found practically everything I needed. I didn’t feel like trying to dress up at all, so I just grabbed a handful of v-neck tees in various colors. Black, blue, grey, white, and olive. I also found two comfortable looking plaid, flannel, button ups and threw them in the cart as well. A pair of grey sweats, a pair of black sweats, socks, flip flops, a pair of jeans, a pair of shorts. I threw it all in the cart. Phil went to look at the guys’ section while I picked out an arrangement of bras and underwear. I found him searching through men’s pajama pants and we continued to another section of the store. “So today was pretty scary,” Phil said nonchalantly, picking through the various selection of men’s body wash. I sighed, checking out the shampoo. “Yeah, tell me about it. I’ve been telling him for over a week that he was sick and he kept ignoring me,” I complained. Phil chuckled. “You should have known, Bruno hates taking medicine. And he doesn’t really follow instruction well,” he said throwing a bottle in the cart. “I know. I just worry about him on this crazy ass schedule.” I breathed, throwing a bottle of coconut shampoo in the cart. I found the matching bottle in conditioner and added it to my collection of toiletries. I grabbed my favorite body scrub off of the next shelf and tossed it in the cart as well, moving on to the next aisle. Make up. Phil perused through the various types of makeup, most likely wondering what part of the face they were used on, as I grabbed a stick of eyeliner and a tube of mascara to put in the cart. That was pretty much all I needed, so I moved on to the aisle of face wash choices. Phil continued the conversation. “Well his schedule is kind of his choice, it doesn’t have to be so difficult, but…” He stopped, as if he’d said too much. I scoffed. “Oh, I’m aware.” I complained. “Your producer sure gave me a lecture about it at the hospital,” I said, annoyed still. He chuckled. “Wait, you met Brandon?” He asked. I threw face wash in the cart. “Yep, what a joy he is,” I spit sarcastically. Phil full on laughed. I punched him in the arm. “Not funny Phil, he’s a jerk.” I said laughing too. “He’s quite a handful, I agree, but you shouldn’t let him get to you. He’s so caught up in his own little world of luxury. He’s harmless, I promise you.” He responded. I shrugged. “I don’t know, I just got a bad vibe. He was basically telling me that if Bruno fails it will be my fault!” I said offended. Phil laughed. I gave him a look. “I’m serious, don’t give him that much power. We both know he’s full of shit. Just ignore him. That’s what I do.” He said smiling. I frowned. “I don’t know. I don’t think that’s why it bothers me,” I muttered. “Why does it bother you then?” He asked. I was silent. He spoke before I could. “Does it bother you because he said it, or because you’re afraid that he’s right?” I sighed. “I just want Bruno to succeed. I don’t want to hold him back,” I explained. Phil nodded. “I can understand that. But you also don’t want to give him up,” he said pointing out the obvious. “Why would I?” I stated, feeling defensive. “I’m not saying you should. In fact, I think Bruno might go a little insane if you did, but hey, maybe then he’d write something heart shattering and sell a bunch of records!” Phil teased, grabbing my arms. I glared at him. “Phil, I’m gonna kick your ass,” I said shaking my head. He chuckled. “I’m just kidding. You two are adorable together. If you broke up, I would be the one writing heart shattering music.” He joked. I rolled my eyes. “Oy vey,” I mumbled, still shaking my head. I entered the line to check out and we started sorting through the stuff, separating what was his and what was mine. I went through a mental checklist in my head, making sure I wasn’t forgetting something as essential as toothpaste or a toothbrush. After paying for our stuff we hauled everything to the car and stuffed it all in the trunk of Bruno’s car. “Did you call your work to let them know you were leaving?” Phil wondered as he started the car. “Uh, yeah, they know.” I stuttered. He eyed me. I looked out the window. “Oh, were you at work when I called?” He wondered. I wished he’d stop asking. “No,” I said, deciding that I should lie as little as possible. “Home?” He asked. I shook my head. “Nope. I was just out,” I said, hoping he would drop it. “Okay shady lady,” he said chuckling and heading down the road. “Shady?” I scoffed. “What? Were you in the middle of a drug deal?” He teased. “No, an affair?” He continued. I rolled my eyes and rested my head on the back of the seat. “Shut. Up.” I exaggerated the words. Phil laughed. It was quiet for a while. “Plastic surgery? Thinking about getting a face lift?” He kept going. “Oh my God, you’re not going to stop, are you?” I scolded. He smiled. “Not until you tell me where you really were,” he said. I sighed. “Fine, but if you tell Bruno, I will literally kill you. Deal?” He pulled into a new parking lot. The hotel. “Deal,” he agreed. “I was at an audition.” I said honestly. “Oh, that’s not shady. That’s normal, every day Brooklyn stuff.” He paused, “so why can’t Bruno know?” He wondered in confusion. I sighed again. “Because it was a once in a lifetime opportunity, that I’ll probably never have again in a million years,” I replied in a somber tone. “Brooklyn, no,” he said in surprise. “What role was it?” He asked, parking the car. “Velma, in Chicago,” I whispered hanging my head. I stared forward at the huge hotel in front of me. “No,” he gasped. “That’s an amazing role!” He shouted. I nodded my head. “I know,” I said quietly. “Well, now I know for sure.” He said, pulling the keys out of the ignition. “know what?” I asked opening my door. He copied me and stepped out of the car. We started unloading the bags to carry up to the room. “That you’re in love with him,” he said casually. I was taken aback. “Why is everyone saying that tonight?” I mumbled to myself. “I mean, I know you guys care about each other, and I was pretty sure you loved each other, but, y’all are in love, in love,” he kept talking, but I wished he wouldn’t. “Can you stop saying that?” I asked, shutting the trunk and following him towards the hotel lobby. “Why? It’s the truth,” He stated directly. I flinched. “You don’t know that,” I said defensively. I acted like it was a bad thing. “Brooklyn, it’s pretty obvious. You dropped the role of a lifetime and flew your ass all the way out here to make sure he was okay. You wouldn’t have done that if you weren’t in love with him.” He explained. I shook my head, entering the elevator. “I don’t know,” I said. My arms were going numb. “Yes you do. Your head might not know it, but your heart does.” He retorted. “I’ve never been in love before,” I admitted, “so no. I wouldn‘t know.” Phil was quiet. The elevator opened and I stepped out first, waiting for Phil and following him to Bruno’s room. He opened the door and I followed him inside, dropping all my bags on the bed and stretching out my arms. They were sore after carrying so much weight. “Brooklyn, it’s okay to be in love. You shouldn’t feel bad about it. You and Bruno have been together for months now. It’s completely normal for two people to fall in love after being together as long as you have. I mean, you have to had known that he was in love with you, like y’all say ‘I love you,’ to each other, don’t you?” He asked. I shook my head. “We’ve never said that, ever.” I replied. He looked shocked. “Well, maybe he’s never said it like that before. But just because he hasn’t blatantly shouted it in your face doesn’t mean he’s never said it. The best way to say ‘I love you,’ isn’t always with words. And maybe you haven’t told him yet, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t true. Trust me though, I know love when I see it.” He said. I felt like I was being lectured. I sighed. “I think I’m gonna take a shower before I head back to the hospital.” I said, fidgeting. “Alright,” he said walking around the bed to leave. “Hey Phil,” I called, stopping him. He turned towards me. “Thank you, for everything,” I said. He smiled. “Anytime kid,” he paused, “and don’t worry too much about what I said. When you’re ready to tell Bruno, you’ll know. Just know that I’m rooting for you two,” he explained. He closed the door behind him and left the keys on the nightstand. I sighed, locking the door behind him and stripping of my audition clothes. I turned on the shower and the cool water felt nice on my skin. I washed the day away. The terrible news about Bruno, missing my audition, my troubles with Brandon, the thoughts about love. All of it was a burden I didn’t want to think about at the moment. Whenever I was clean I turned off the water and dressed quickly. I didn’t want to be away from Bruno for too long, in case there was any news about his condition. I put on the new pair of grey sweats and pulled the white v-neck over my head. I slipped on my flip flops and pulled out a new brush to untangle my damp curls. I emptied my duffle bag of the unnecessary things and filled it with a few toiletries. I brushed my teeth and shoved my toothbrush and the tube of toothpaste in the bag, along with a change of clothes, my makeup, and a cell phone charger I found at Target. I washed my face and arranged my stuff on the counter. I tried to pick up Bruno’s room a bit, but I was in a rush, so it was still a little messy from both of our stuff. I didn’t have a bag to put everything in so it was all laid out on his bed. I took his room key with me when I left, finding his car in the parking lot and heading to the hospital. The air was warmer than I was used to. It felt nice so I drove with the window down. My hair was dried in curly waves by the time I got to the hospital. I slung my bag over my shoulder and locked the car. I headed to Bruno’s room, trying to be quiet in case he was asleep. I was right. His eyes were shut and his breathing was deep. I tip toed across the room and set my bag on the chair next to his bed. I was thankful that I remembered to grab a blanket from his room to bring with me, because it was chilly in his room. I crawled into the nook next to the window and leaned against the wall, stretching my feet out in front of me. I closed my eyes and before I knew it, I fell asleep to the beeping sound of monitors and Bruno’s steady breathing.

Bruno:

When I woke up my head felt a little bit lighter than it had the night before. I fell asleep shortly after Brandon had left my room. I wasn’t even sure why he’d come. He just complained the whole time about me taking the rest of the week off to rest and heal. I guess it didn’t help much when I told him I wouldn’t be flying out the following week either. I promised him that I would still be writing and I would be in contact with Phil the whole time, but there was no way I was going to fly back on Monday after just getting out of the hospital. I had been working nonstop for six weeks and I needed a rest. He could wait a week to bust my ass again. Besides, Phil and I already had four songs completely finished. We just needed to record the final cuts and they would be ready. And I was pretty sure that at least two, ‘Just The Way You Are,’ and ‘Grenade,’ would be singles. I wrote Grenade about girl I knew in high school. Always willing to take, but never willing to give. I stretched out as much as I could in the tiny bed and opened my eyes. The lights were still off in the room, thank God. Brooklyn was curled up in the corner of the window, wrapped in my blanket. She looked so peaceful, but I knew she couldn’t possibly be comfortable. My nurse came back after Brandon left and unhooked my IV and catheter so I could get up and move freely, but I was still hooked to oxygen so I had to haul the big, green tank around with me when I went to the bathroom. I tried to be quiet so I wouldn’t wake her up, but it was almost impossible when you’re wheeling around a metal tank wherever you go. When I headed out of the bathroom Brooklyn stirred in her sleep. I froze, hoping I didn’t wake her. She turned and rested her head against the wall and pulled the blanket up around her. I continued to the bed and got back under the blankets. I closed my eyes, but then one of the machines started beeping loudly and wouldn’t stop. I jumped forward trying to figure out which one was making all the noise and how to stop it. It was impossible. Brooklyn stirred and opened her eyes. She squinted over at my shocked face and stretched her neck. “What’s wrong?” She worried sleepily. “I, um, I don’t know what I did,” I said still attempting to stop the beeping. She stretched again and stood up, walking over to the bed with her sleepy eyes. The nurse ran into the room. “What’s wrong?” She asked frantically. I still had a look of shock on my face. “I don’t know!” I panicked. The nurse walked over to my bed and grabbed my oxygen tube, running from the tank to my face. She tugged on it and I felt something move under me. She rolled her eyes. “You’re sitting on the oxygen tube,” she laughed. I lifted up so she could pull it out from underneath me. “Goodness,” I said, “I thought I broke something.” “Nope, just be more careful of where you’re putting your butt.” She joked. Brooklyn laughed. “Can we take off the oxygen now?” I asked. I was tired of being hooked to tubes. She checked the screens. “Well, you’re oxygen level is up to 93% so we can take you off and see how you do without it, but if it drops significantly, we’re gonna have to hook you back up,” she said pulling the tube out of my nose and unhooking the machine. “Thank you,” I said laying back on the bed. “When do I get to leave?” I asked. She gave me a look. “Don’t push it mister. We’re gonna get you out of here as soon as we can, but don’t go rushing us. We have to make sure you’re all patched up before we send you packin’,” She commented. I sighed. Brooklyn thanked the nurse again before she left and sat down next to the bed. She pushed the hair out of her face and rubbed her eyes, yawning. “B you didn’t have to sleep here. You could have stayed at the hotel. I would have been fine.” I told her, noticing her obvious exhaustion. “It’s fine. I don’t mind. I wasn’t going to get much sleep anyway, even if I stayed at the hotel. I would have been worried about you regardless.” She explained. “Well, at least you could have been comfortable. That looks very unsettling.” I said pointing to her makeshift bed. “It is unsettling. I barely got any sleep at all, and now I have a kink in my neck,” she said stretching it out. “They’re releasing you today, right?” She asked. “I freakin hope so. I can’t take anymore of this,” I retorted pulling at the ridiculous hospital gown they had me in. She laughed. “Oh come on, it looks great on you.” She tugged on the hem. I rolled my eyes. “Make fun all you want, but at least I can go pee by myself now,” I fought back. She giggled. “Wow! You’re such a big boy,” she teased again. I frowned at her. “Stop it,” I said pushing out my lower lip. She took the bait. “Okay fine,” she responded leaning over the bed to kiss me. Someone cleared their throat in the door. Brooklyn pulled back, wiping her mouth and my doctor entered the room. “Bruno, how are you feeling this morning?” He asked very business-like, as always. “I’m feelin’ good Doc!” I chirped. “Great. Well all your vitals are good, you sound better, and your oxygen intake has been steady. If you’re still improving in a few hours we can send you on home. How’s that sound?” He wondered. “Sounds great!” I said. “Alright then, I’ll be back in a few hours with your release forms,” he responded turning to leave. “You two keep it PG,” he commented as he left. Brooklyn chuckled. “Look, you’ll be out of here in no time,” Brooklyn said attempting to encourage me. I smiled. “Yep, and back in bed at the hotel.” I frowned. I was so over being sick. “Hey, look at the bright side, you’ll be in a comfortable bed, you can have soup, and ice cream!” She piped, trying to cheer me up. “Yay…” I was monotone. “I’ll be there too,” she said quieter. I smiled slightly. “I am looking forward to THAT,” I stated resting my hand on hers. She smiled. Her eyes may have been sleepy, and her hair a little messy, but she was never more beautiful than in those moments. Hair messed, no make up, and smiling. It was when she was the most self aware, but it was in those moments that she had never been more mine. Even though she was mine all of the time. But everyone got to see her dolled up with makeup and perfectly smooth hair; in dresses and heels. Only I got to see her in these moments. Where she had learned to be comfortable in her own skin, and with me, of all people. One of my favorite times of the day was right after waking up, or right before falling asleep with her. Knowing that whenever I opened my eyes, she would be one of the first things I saw. What a beautiful way to start a day. What a beautiful way to live.

Brooklyn: It was finally time to go. I drove to the hotel, since Bruno was still being doped up on painkillers and antibiotics. When we got upstairs and into the room he changed into sweats and I helped him into the bed. I crawled on top of the blankets on the other side of the mattress and laid my head down on the pillow, laying on my stomach. “Hungry? Phil slipped me an extra box of his pop tarts last night, want one?” I asked. “Not really.” He shook his head. “Sleepy?” I tried again. “A little bit,” he said pursing his lips. “Do you need anything?” I wondered, trying to be helpful. “Brooklyn,” he scolded. “What?” I said sounding defensive. He took my hand, twining his fingers with mine. “If I need anything, I promise I will let you know, but don’t be a nurse. I’m fine,” he said kissing my wrist. “Yeah, okay, says the one who just collapsed his lung,” I retorted. He gave me a pointed look. “Don’t make me kick your butt,” he teased. I scoffed. “You wish,” I flexed my scrawny arms. “Yeah whatever, just get over here,” he said pulling me closer. I scooted next to him and he grabbed the remote to flip on the TV. We never watched TV back at home, in fact, we didn’t even own one, but we did enjoy going to the movies whenever something interesting was on. There was a ‘Back To The Future’ marathon on and he left it there. We watched it until both of us fell asleep. When I woke up Bruno was gone, but I heard the shower running. I went to check on him. “Babe?” I called into the bathroom. “Yeah?” He said sticking his head out of the curtain. His hair was soapy. “I think I’m gonna go get some food, are you hungry?” I asked. He popped his head back in the shower. “Umm, yeah there’s this Thai place across the street, they have this awesome red curry soup there,” he said. “I’d kill for some of that right now.” “Of course,” I agreed. “Let me just change first.” I grabbed my jeans out of my bag and was pulling the grey v-neck over my head when someone knocked on the door. “I’ll get it,” I said walking towards the door. It was probably Phil, checking in. Although I expected him to call first. I opened the door, but it wasn’t Phil. A tall and slender, but curvy, Hispanic girl stood in front of me, holding some kind of thermos in her hand. I raised my eyebrow. She was pretty. “Can I help you?” I asked politely. “Is Bruno here?” She asked back, her voice was high pitched, but soft. “Umm, he’s in the shower, but, uh, who are you?” I wondered. “Oh, I’m sorry, my name is Vanessa, I’m a cousin of Brandon’s. I work closely with his clients,” she said. I raised my eyebrows. “Meaning?” I asked. “Oh, I’m a model,” she chirped. Of course she was. “I star in their music videos, album covers, whatever they need help with. I’m actually going to be in one of Bruno’s music videos soon.” She said. I nodded. “Interesting. I wasn’t aware he had one coming out,” I said, realizing it was true. I wondered why he’d never mentioned it. Or her. “Well, technically it’s B.O.B.’s I guess. ‘Nothin’ On You,’” she smiled. “Oh, congratulations,” I replied. “Thank you,” she said pressing her palm against her developed chest. It was hard not to notice when they were practically staring at you. “And you would be?” She asked. “I’m Brooklyn, Bruno’s girlfriend.” I smiled. “Oh wow, he never mentioned you, but you’re so pretty,” she complimented. I didn’t know if I wanted to hug her, or punch her in the face. She wasn’t rude, but she didn’t necessarily seem very real either. Superficial. “Oh, well thank you. He’s been very busy, I’m sure he’s just had a lot on his mind.” I defended. “I’m sure,” she said smiling again. My nostrils flared. Definitely superficial. “Did you want me to give him a message for you?” I asked. “No, that’s okay. I was just bringing him some soup as a ‘get well soon,’ but I can come back another time, when he’s not busy,” she said. She looked a little over dressed to be delivering soup. I’m pretty sure her ass cheeks were one inch short of falling out, and her boobs were one sneeze away from saying ‘hello.’ I smirked. “Well, that’s sweet of you, but he’s feeling a lot better, really. And actually, to be honest, he hates soup. Can’t stand it,” I lied with exaggerated drama. Her eyes got wide. “Really? Oh wow, I’m glad I didn’t give him this then,” she said pulling the thermos away from her chest. “But I’ll let him know you stopped by,” I said smiling bigger than I should. “Right.” She paused. “Thanks,” she said sounding unimpressed. “Have a nice day,” I said closing the door. When I turned around Bruno was in a towel. “Who was that?” He asked shaking out his wet curls. “Vanessa?” I said it like a question. “She was just dropping by to say hi,” I said. “Wait, how does she even know where your room is?” He shrugged. “I don’t know. I’ve only talked to her a few times cause she’s related to Brandon.” He said nonchalant. “Well, according to her she’s gonna be in the music video for ‘Nothin’ On You,’” I told him. He gave me a look. “What? I didn’t even know that,” he shook his head. “Anyways, she’s…interesting,” I stated. “Yeah, she’s something alright,” he said widening his eyes. I gave him a look. “What?” I asked. “She’s made a pass or two at me before,” he admitted, ducking his head. I scoffed. “That bitch,” I said. “I told her that I have a girlfriend though,” he defended, putting his hands up. “That lying bitch!” I said louder. He laughed. I laughed too. “Are you still going to get that soup?” He wondered pulling a clean pair of sweats on. I nodded. “Oh, yep. Going right now,” I said slipping on my sandals. He kissed my forehead before I left.

Bruno:

Finally we were home. I sighed and tossed my bag on the floor, collapsing on the bed. Brooklyn laughed at me and started unpacking her bag, which didn’t consist of much. She added the new clothes to her wardrobe and piled the extra toiletries in her arms to carry to the bathroom. I was feeling much better. I only had a slight scratch in my throat and I only coughed every once in a while. Practically healed. “Babe!” I called into the other room. “Yeah?” She called back. I could hear her still putting stuff away. “Do you wanna go out tonight?” I asked. I was so tired of being inside. “Out?” She sounded skeptical. She walked back to the room. “What did you have in mind?” She wondered messing with the stereo on the dresser. She flipped through the static noise until she found a station. “I don’t know, dinner, a movie, a walk? Anything to get out of here!” I said flopping back on the bed. “I’m tired of being cooped up inside.” I explained. She turned up the radio, it was on some pop song. “That sounds great. We have been inside that hotel room all week, it would be nice to get out for a night.” She said standing in front of me. “Great,” I sat up. “What do you wanna do?” I asked. She paused to think about it, crossing her arms. I listened to the radio while she was quiet. The song ended. “Alright guys we got something new for your ears to feast on! Take a listen to the new hit single from B.O.B. Here’s ‘Nothin’ On You,’” the radio sputtered. Brooklyn’s eyes went wide. “Beautiful girls, all over the world, I could be chasin’ but my time would be wasted, they got nothing on you baby, nothing on you baby,” I heard my own voice singing. I jumped up off of the bed. “Turn it up! Turn it up!” Brooklyn shouted. I flipped the dial on the side of the radio and the music blared louder. Brooklyn and I exchanged a look and we both shouted, jumping up and down. “Yes!” I yelled. “You did it!” She shouted jumping on up on me. I caught her and she wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. She pecked me on the forehead and hopped down. We listened, both being silly and dancing around like idiots. I rapped along with B.O.B.’s part on the verses and we both wailed the hook every time it came on. When it was over the announcer talked a bit about the song and even mentioned my name. Brooklyn slapped my shoulder when he said my name and smiled. I was smiling so huge my cheeks started to hurt, but I didn’t care. I had officially just heard myself on the radio. “Now we have to go celebrate,” Brooklyn gushed. I grabbed her face and kissed her. “Thank you for supporting me baby, I couldn't have done it without you.” I told her. “Yes you could have,” she said, “but I’m glad that I was here to be a part of your success.” She smiled. “I’m gonna go get ready for tonight. You should call your mom because she is probably freaking out right now.” She laughed. I pulled out my phone. “Bruno I am so unbelievably proud of you,” she told me, squeezing my hand. I just smiled and kissed her, not knowing what else to say. Words couldn't describe how happy that moment was for me.

[hooligancosmos]

Somewhere in Brooklyn-Chapter Twelve: Planes

Chapter Twelve: Planes

*Five Weeks Later

Bruno:

‘I’m so tired,’ I thought to myself. Brooklyn and I had been wandering around condos all day. She was obsessed with hard wood floors, reading nooks, and large, rustic kitchens. And at this point, I didn’t really care. I just wished she would pick a place so we could go home and sleep. I got home from the airport at four in the morning and we’d been viewing condos since seven. It was getting dark outside and I was ready to call it a day. I tried not to put a damper on her mood, considering she’d been so excited for this day for so long. I knew it was going to be tough traveling back and forth to California all the time, but I was exhausted and I wasn’t sure how much more I could take. Brandon had me convinced that I needed to fly there at the beginning of each week, and come home on the weekends. Brooklyn had a problem with it at first, but I promised her it wouldn’t be like this for that much longer. It was just a difficult situation. She was supportive, as always, she just didn’t think I was living on a healthy schedule. She was right. I never told Brooklyn about what Brandon had wanted me to do. I wasn’t leaving her. And I would be an idiot to even consider her moving there with me. I had hardly gotten her to agree to live with me here. And this is where her dreams begun, I couldn’t tear her away from that hope. Every dream deserves to have hope. So for now, I lived off of three hours of sleep a night, endless cups of coffee, studio sessions, and the short, but valuable hours with her on the weekends. Those got me through the rest of the week. Brooklyn was worried about me, I could tell, even though she refused to say anything, but I just needed her to understand that I was doing all of this for her. I wanted to be able to give her nice things, to take her out, to show her a life of luxury, but most importantly, to share that with her. But with that life comes a lot of hard work, and the workload had only just begun. Phil and I were currently writing an album. We recorded the single with B.O.B. and it was supposed to debut on the radio within the next week, but I’d yet to hear anything more about it. “I really like this one,” she whispered stretching her arms around my neck. I ran my hands along her arms. “That’s good,” I responded, I liked all of them. “Do you like it?” She wondered, biting her bottom lip. “If you like it, then I like it,” I yawned. Her mouth turned down into a frown. “You’re not into this are you?” She asked directly. I blinked, hoping it wasn’t one of those trick questions that I ended up with the wrong answer no matter what I said. “I am B, I’m just tired,” I paused coughing into my sleeve, “I just want you to be happy. If you like it, then let’s get it,” I breathed. She sighed. “Well, I don’t want to put an offer in yet because I still have a few more to look at before we deci-” She stopped and stared at me. Her face relaxed, the excitement in her eyes disappearing. A look of concern replacing it. She ran her thumb over the bags under my eyes lightly. “What do you say we get out of here?” She asked with a small smile. “You wanna get some dinner and head home?” I nodded. “I thought you’d never ask,” I sighed taking her hand.

She was still clutching my hand as we walked home, the small box of leftovers in my free hand. “So what do you say I check out the rest of the condos on Monday, while you’re in California, and we can use the rest of this weekend to just spend time together?” She asked, shivering from the chill. It was beginning to get warmer, but night time was always colder than the day. “That sounds amazing,” I said with a smile, pulling her to my side and wrapping my arm around her shoulders. She leaned into me and we walked into our building. When we got inside I put the leftovers in the fridge and Brooklyn plopped down on the bed; spreading out and pulling her clothes off. I took off my jacket and hung it by the door, kicking my shoes off as well. She was down to her bra and underwear by the time I got to the bed. I fell back on the bed, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. She rolled over and arched her back in a stretch. I turned my head to watch her. Her hair was fanned out in a halo above her head and her eyes closed tightly. Her hip bones pressed against her skin, jutting out just above the hemline of her black, lace underwear. “Oh come on, you can’t do that,” I moaned, suddenly feeling more alert than I had all day. She fell back on the mattress, shaking her hair out with her hand. “Do what?” She said in confusion. I blinked, fighting my exhaustion. “You can’t be sexy when I’m sleepy. That’s just not fair.” I complained. She gave me a look and rolled her eyes. “Okay, weirdo,” she said sitting up and hopping off the bed. She pulled a robe off of a peg at the end of the dresser and wrapped it around herself, typing the bow in the front. I jumped off the bed quickly. “No, wait,” I begged. I tugged on the end of the bow and it fell apart. She rolled her eyes. “Never satisfied, are we?” She teased. I ignored her comment, pushing the purple silk off of her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor. I brushed my fingers across her torso, feeling her delicate skin. She shivered. “I like this much better,” I whispered. She stared at me, her eyes burning. She placed her hands on either side of my face and perched up on her toes to kiss under my eyes. I reached for her, but she stopped me. “Hold still,” she demanded. I froze. Her lips traveled across my jaw, burning patterns into my skin. They ventured down my neck and lingered on my collar bone. I stiffened, feeling a shudder in my bones. She took a step forward and pushed me back on the bed. I stared up at her as she stood at the edge of the bed, looking me over. She stared her journey once more. She pulled up my shirt. Her lips landed on my hip bones, tugging at the skin there and leaving a trail of fire wherever they went. The muscles in my stomach tensed as she crawled on top of me, her lips moving up my chest, making their way to my collar bone once more, and venturing back to their starting position on my jaw. I shivered. Her face was inches from mine, her eyes burned with desire. They were hungry, but I was starving for her. She bit her bottom lip, moving in for a kiss. I closed my eyes and followed her lead, but when my lips fell forward all I found was air. I opened my eyes and she had pulled away, smirking at me. “Oh don’t be a tease,” I growled under my breath. She winked and lunged forward. Our lips connected with passion and she began to pull off my shirt. It was half way over my head when my cell phone rang. She stopped. I groaned. I pulled it out of my pocket. Brandon. “I gotta get this,” I said. She shook out her hair and rolled off of me, laying back on the mattress. I stood up and answered the phone. “Hello?” I said, clearing my throat. “Bruno, how’s it going? Are you enjoying your time with your lovely lady friend?” He chattered. I sighed. “Well, I was,” I groaned before continuing, “what’s up? Why’d you call?” I asked. “I need you to fly in tomorrow morning,” he stated matter of factly. I shook my head. “Why? I just got back this morning.” I was upset. “We need to record, ‘Nothin’ On You,’ again.” He said. I rubbed my face, yawning. “Why?” I repeated. “Bob wants to change some of the lyrics, and something got messed up at the studio. Just be on the flight tomorrow morning, I sent the info for your flight to your email. See you tomorrow!” He hung up. I growled under my breath and threw my phone at the wall. It bounced off and landed on the ground. I didn’t bother picking it up. Brooklyn flinched. “What’s wrong?” She asked quietly, reserved. I shook my head and took a deep breath. “Brandon needs me to fly to L.A. tomorrow morning. I have to be there on Monday anyway, so I might as well just stay until Friday.” I complained. I pulled off my shirt, tossed it on the floor, and sat down on the end of the bed. “I’m sorry,” she whispered sliding her hand across my shoulders and rubbing them gently. “I’m sorry that you’re so stressed.” Her hands were warm and all I could think about was her body and wishing that I would have ignored Brandon’s phone call. “It’s not your fault,” I whispered back. I fell back on the bed, pulling her beside me. She curled her legs up around me. “I know how I can make you feel better,” she purred, pulling herself on top of me to straddle my stomach. She began unbuttoning my pants and leaned down to kiss my jaw. “Babe,” I said. She ignored me and continued kissing me, unzipping my jeans. “B,” I tried again. She slipped her hand in my pants and moved her lips to mine. I pulled away. “Brooklyn,” I said, grabbing her arm to stop her. She froze, pulling her hand away. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” she apologized drawing back. I hated myself. She was still straddling my stomach. I sat up to face her. “Don’t apologize baby, I want to spend time with you, as much as I can, but I’m really exhausted,” I yawned, “and my flight is in the morning. If I don’t get some sleep I’m gonna be a zombie tomorrow. Not only that, but I‘m really starting to not feel well. My head is pounding” I explained. “Okay,” she said quietly. I pulled her face to mine, resting my forehead on hers. “It won’t be like this forever. I promise,” I whispered. She smiled weakly. Being supportive as always. I kissed her softly. She got off of me and crawled to the end of the mattress. “Where are you going?” I asked. She yawned. “I’m gonna go take a shower really quick. I’ll try not to wake you up when I get in bed though,” she promised walking around the bed to kiss me quickly before taking her towel and heading to the bathroom. “And make sure you take some cough medicine before you fall asleep, I don’t want you to get sick.” She called. She was so good to me. I hated myself for pushing her away.

Brooklyn:

When I woke up in the morning Bruno was gone. I vaguely remembered him planting a kiss on my forehead before sneaking out the door, but it was hardly a memory since I was barely awake. I stretched and yawned a few times before stumbling out of bed and heading to the kitchen to make coffee. It was Nine in the morning, but it felt more like Five. I didn’t remember what time I’d fallen asleep. All I remembered was crawling in bed with damp hair and trying not to wake up Bruno. He had been awake all along. He reached across the mattress, pulling me close and kissing me. I found his sleepy eyes with mine and we whispered about nothing until both of us fell asleep. I didn’t remember much of the conversation, or who fell asleep first. All I could recall was the warmth of his skin, the faint beating of his heart under my hand, and the shivers that ran down my spine as he drug his fingers down my arm; drawing invisible patterns. Sometimes I wondered what exactly he was trying to draw, or if he was drawing at all. Maybe it was all music notes and words, fashioned into mini sonnets that his fingertips sang to my skin. I yawned again. Or maybe I was just being a sappy, lovesick girl because I missed him. We hadn’t really got to spend any time together in almost a month. He was gone every week, and the weekends flew by so quickly. He promised me that it wouldn’t be like this forever, but I hated to see him so worn out and exhausted. It made me worry, and that was something neither of us needed. I had a big audition coming up, and I was so nervous, I didn’t even tell Bruno about it. He had enough on his plate to deal with at the moment, and he was too busy to notice my worries. The first week Bruno flew out to California, one of the dancers at my studio mentioned auditioning for a role of Roxie in ‘Chicago.’ ‘Chicago’ was one of my favorite musicals and it had been my dream to play Velma. To imagine me prancing around a stage, spotlight in my face, singing ‘All That Jazz,’ at the top of my lungs was practically enough for me to fling myself at her asking any and every detail about how she’d sprung an audition. She informed me that they were holding open call auditions and anyone could try for any role. I was ecstatic. This could be my chance. I had been told before that I had the perfect voice to play Velma. In performances in my past, my past with Josh, I had been told many times that I had just enough soul, but I could still hit the big notes that would knock you out of a chair. I knew I could sing, but I lacked confidence. If I was ever going to become a Broadway star on my own, I needed to forget my past, forget my fears, and my insecurities, and be the moment. My mom had given me that advice before every audition. Don’t just be in the moment, but BE the moment. Be the last thing those judges remember before they fall asleep at night. Be the voice that runs through their mind for the rest of the day. And in order to land the role, I didn’t just need to be like Velma, I needed to BE Velma. For a day I even considered possibly cutting my hair into a short bob, but decided that I was taking it too far. I didn’t need to look like Velma, so much as I needed to emulate her character and personality. I began to study the role, watching performances over and over, practicing the dance moves at the studio, and practicing the vocals at home. I had down the basics, but I took the last month to perfect my pitch, my tone, my body language, my articulation. I wanted this role so badly, I couldn’t afford to screw it up. My audition was on Tuesday, the last day of auditions. I wanted to be fresh in their minds after auditions were over, so I chose the last slot. And I made sure to plan for a day that Bruno was out of town. I didn’t need him worrying about his dreams and mine. Also, I was afraid that I wouldn’t get the part and I didn’t want to make a big deal about it and have him get excited, just for both of us to be let down. This way, if I got it, we would both be happy, and if I didn’t, he would never have to know about it. It was a win win, well, sort of. I finished the mug that I had been making for Bruno. It was light green, mint, the color of an electric guitar he’d been wanting. But it was simple. I wasn’t a master of pottery, it just eased my stress. I engraved a ‘B’ into the bottom of the mug, along with the date I finished it, and a sappy quote. But I hadn’t given it to him yet. I wasn’t sure what I was waiting for, but I knew it was kind of cheesy, so I was trying to find a way to give it to him without making it a big deal. Gift giving wasn’t really our forte, both of us hated giving gifts. Not because we were cheap, but because we found it to be awkward; the whole event of it. The first time he bought me something, he hadn’t even announced it. He just left it in a box on the counter with my name on it. I tried not to make my ‘thank you’ awkward, so instead of gushing over the necklace he bought me, I put it on, shoved him on the bed, and we had really great sex. I laughed at the memory and pulled on my sweats to get ready to go practice at the studio. I made sure to take my vitamins before leaving the apartment. I only had a few days until my audition and I couldn’t miss it due to illness, or anything else for that matter.

Bruno:

I was irritated, which was starting to feel like an emotion I mostly associated with L.A. I felt like I was always irritated when I was here. I tried to shake it off and focus, but I was so tired, the constant scratching in my throat refused to ease up, and my head was starting to throb. It was only Sunday and I already was itching to go home. We recorded ‘Nothin’ On You’ after I flew in on Saturday so today was basically a free day for me. Phil suggested that we spend the day on the beach, but I didn’t feel like it. I couldn’t just pretend that this was a vacation and everything was fine. I suggested that he go chill for the day. I planned on writing some lyrics for the new album and then I was going to turn in early and catch up on some sleep. It was hard to focus. Every lyric that I wrote was either not making sense, or extremely depressing. I threw my pen on the table, picking up my guitar and messing around with some chords running through my head. It was upbeat, for the first time today. I hummed a melody along with it. It was catchy, but I needed words. I yawned and coughed. My immune system was obviously not keeping up with my work load. The more sleep I lacked, the worse I felt and the worse my cough became. I was so tired, and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I used my exhaustion to fill the gaps. I started the melody over and opened my mouth, trying anything out. “Today I don’t feel like doing anything, I just wanna lay in my bed,” I sang lazily. I cocked my head to the side. Interesting. I continued with whatever came to mind. “Don’t feel like picking up my phone, so leave a message at the tone, cause today I swear I’m not doing anything, nothing at all,” I sang. I laughed to myself, clearly delusional. I continued with those lyrics and messed around with some fun ideas. The more I went along with the song, the more fun it sounded, and the lyrics just kept coming to me. By the end of the day I had a complete song. I wasn’t even sure if it was any good, or just my pure delusion, but after that I called it quits. I headed to bed. I got under the comforter and was on the edge of sleep when my phone rang. I groaned, coughing again. It was Brooklyn. I picked it up. “Hey baby,” I yawned into the phone. “I already don’t like the sound of that,” she said. I could hear the frown in her voice. “You and me both,” I chuckled lazily. “I just wanted to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Get some sleep Bruno,” she demanded gently. I yawned. “I’m going to, I promise. I finished early today so I’m about to go to sleep now.” I explained. My breath hitched and I cleared my throat. “Okay good. Well, I’ll call you later then, have a good rest,” she responded. I nodded my head. “I will,” I breathed, coughing. I began hacking. “You better be taking medicine Bruno,” she yelled. I laughed. “Okay mom, I will.” I coughed again and yawned. She chuckled. “Okay, I’m gonna sleep now,” I told her. “Alright, bye weirdo,” she snorted. I laughed and hung up. I reached out to grab the bottle of Nyquil on my nightstand and opened the top. I chugged the bile tasting liquid into my mouth and swallowed hard, my throat pulsed. I groaned and put the bottle back. I hugged my pillow and fell asleep immediately.

Brooklyn:

It was Monday. Time seemed to be passing so slowly now that Bruno was gone, but at the same time, it was flying by. I couldn’t believe that my audition was the very next day. It gave me butterflies just thinking about it. I was so nervous, but I had practiced until my feet were bleeding and my vocal chords were sore. I literally had blisters on almost all of my toes and it hurt to speak above a whisper. I drank some hot tea every few hours to help heal the aching in my throat and soaked my feet in hot water and Epsom salts to help the stinging of the blisters. Everything in me was hoping that I wouldn’t screw anything up during my routine. I couldn’t afford it. Even one tiny mistake could cost me the role of a lifetime, and I would hate myself forever if I didn’t give it my all. I didn’t practice. I had practiced for the last month constantly, and now it was time to relax. Tomorrow was all or nothing. Tomorrow could change everything for me. I thought about how amazing it would be to land the role, and to be accomplishing something important, just like Bruno was doing. We could both be getting exactly what we wanted. It was literally a dream come true, but I tried not to get my hopes up. I’d been turned down for roles many times before, and this one might not be any different. Even though everything inside of me was praying that it would be different this time. No. This time was different. I refused to be insecure about myself anymore. This time would be different, because this time, I wanted it, more than anything. At the end of the day, the judges could critique the best voices and dancers in all of New York City, but they couldn’t overlook my passion. My want. My desire. This was everything I’d been wanting for so long, and I wouldn’t let anything stand in my way now. Tomorrow was mine.

Bruno:

I shook my head to try and clear out some of the fogginess I was still feeling. We’d been in the studio all day. I couldn’t sing to save my life at the moment, but I was still able to write, sort of. Phil was writing too, but we were both quiet, aside from me hacking up my lungs every few minutes. The longer I stayed awake, the worse I felt. I was planning on chugging an entire bottle of medicine and turning in early, but Phil had some new ideas he wanted to share with me, and once we got in the studio, we realized how much work we had to do. I could postpone it, but I hated the schedule I was running on and the sooner we finished an album, the sooner I could make my own schedule. I would be so rich, I could open my own studio in Brooklyn and record on my own time. No more of this stupid flying back and forth all the time. I showed Phil the rough draft of what I liked to call, ‘The Lazy Song,’ I finished two days ago, and he actually liked it. I guess delirium pays off sometimes. We ran through it a few times, changing around some of the lyrics and playing with different bridges, but then my voice ran out completely. It hurt to even speak, much less sing. Ever since then we’d been silent. “You got anything?” Phil asked suddenly. I shrugged, shaking my head. “Nothing,” I squeaked. “You?” I wondered. He shrugged, tilting his head. “Well, nothing for a song, but I might have come up with the beginning of a cool name for the album,” he said holding up a sketch of an abstract road with a rocket ship launching at the end of it and a miniature drawing of a dude, looking a lot like me, walking down the road. At the top it read, ‘Doo-Wops And.’ It looked interesting, if nothing else. “Doo-Wops and what?” I questioned. He shrugged again. “I don’t know, got any ideas?” He wondered. I coughed. “Well, what made you think of doo-wops in the first place?” I asked. “I was thinking, you said that you got inspiration for the hook of ‘Nothin’ On You,’ from an old doo-wop song by The Flamingos, right?” He said putting his drawing back on the table. I turned in my chair. “Yeah, ‘I Only Have Eyes For You,’” I said. He nodded. “Exactly. Well, the other song we have, ‘Just The Way You Are,’ kind of has the same message. They both have that same kind of ‘I Only Have Eyes For You,’ feel to them. In fact, that’s kind of our style in a nutshell. Basically like modernized doo-wops. Doo-wops with a twist. So at first I was thinking, ‘Doo-wops with a twist,’ would be a cool album name, but that sounds like a tribute album by a bunch of old guys, so I started with Doo-wops and now here we are.” He explained. I blinked in confusion. I cleared my throat. “True, but ‘The Lazy Song’ doesn’t have the doo-wop vibe. It’s more fun, youthful. Irresponsible. Like something some little punk, hooligan kid would write.” I said, pausing. Phil tapped his pen on his chin in thought. It was silent for a moment. “Dude! I got it!” I shouted, regretting it a moment later when it felt like someone shoved a butcher knife down my throat. Phil turned his attention my way. I stood up, ‘Doo-wops And Hooligans,’” I said in a softer tone, stretching my hands out in front of me as if the words would present themselves between my fingertips. He grinned. “Yes!” He said in excitement, turning to pencil in the rest of the name on the paper. The room began to spin. Phil spun around in his chair, a smile on his face, but then there were four of him and everything was foggy. Sound was muffled and the world turned sideways. My breathing hitched in my throat and I was coughing, constantly. Everything went black.

Brooklyn:

I examined myself in the mirror. My dark hair was up in a bun. I wore little makeup. I put on a black sports bra and matching black dance sweats. I zipped my tight, powder blue jacket over my sports bra and grabbed my dance shoes, shoving them in my bag. The blisters on my feet couldn’t handle the walk over to Broadway so I wore my black Nike’s until I had to change. I felt ready. I felt confident. I was going to kill my audition. My throat was feeling so much better and my feet were healed enough for me to suffer through my audition. Everything was perfect. I grabbed my phone and keys and headed out the door. I hurried off the train and headed down Broadway, finding the address that I was given for my audition. I went inside the building and found someone to direct me to the dressing room where I was to wait to hear my name called. According to audition times, there were only two more people in front of me before it was my turn. I sized up the competition. One girl was blonde, pale, and thin. Skinnier than me, and tall, but too tall to play Velma. But she was pretty and looked like a strong dancer. The other looked like less competition. She was short, like me, but stout. Probably twenty pounds, or so, heavier than I was. Her hair was dark also, like mine, but shorter; cut like a bob. I thanked myself internally for not cutting my hair. She was practicing her routine in the corner, while the blonde watched her reflection in a mirror, plastering on layers of lip gloss and pinning back stray hairs. I sat on the bench, waiting. The blonde girl was called in next and she smiled at me before she left the room. I couldn’t decide if her grin was meant to be friendly, or smug, so I ignored it and began watching the thicker girl practice. I felt like I was watching her forever. At least too long to be acceptable. “You nervous?” She called from the corner. I was surprised to hear her speak. Her voice was lovely. “Not really, but I should be,” I said attempting to be more humble than I felt. She stopped twirling in the corner and stalked her way over to me, joining me on the bench. “What about you?” I asked, trying to break the awkward silence. “No, but I should be,” she said copying me. She offered me a smile. I returned the gesture. “I’m guessing you’re trying out as Velma?” I guessed pointing to her hair. She chuckled. “Yes, and I’m guessing by your guess that you’re trying out for her as well?” She replied. I smiled again. “Yeah, who doesn’t want to be Velma?” I said shrugging. “The girls trying out for Roxie,” she commented, pulling at her hair. It moved and then it came off. Her Velma hair was a wig. She laughed at my face. “What? You think I would actually cut off all of my hair to earn a part? Only crazy people do that.” She flashed a smile. I laughed. “I thought about it,” I smiled. We both giggled. “Well, I’m glad you didn’t, your hair looks beautiful, just the way it is.” She complimented. I ducked my head as I thanked her. “To be honest, you probably have the best shot at getting the role. I mean, if you’re a good singer and dancer, which you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t. And judging by your body, you dance a lot. You look the most like her.” She concluded. I was starting to feel self conscious. “What about you? You do too. You have the dark hair and the good voice and dance moves too.” I said. She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but I’m too big to be Velma,” she stated, but she made it sound like confidence. I envied her. “Oh come on, that’s like saying, ‘I’m not green enough to be Elphaba,” I teased. She laughed. “No one is green enough to be Elphaba,” she teased back. Someone knocked in the doorway. “You’re up,” the stranger called. She stood up, brushing off her pants. She flashed me a smile. “I’m Glenda, by the way,” she said offering me her hand. I rolled my eyes. “What a coincidence that I should bring up ‘Wicked,’” I smiled. “I’m Brooklyn.” “What a coincidence that I live in Brooklyn,” she mimicked my tone. “Good luck Glenda,” I offered her. “Good luck Brooklyn,” she replied stalking out of the room. If I didn’t get the part, I hoped that it was because she did. The room was silent and I was on my own. The seconds seemed to stretch on for hours, days, and weeks. I was growing impatient, and with my impatience, nervousness seeped in. I began to bite my lip, I needed a distraction. My phone rang. It was Bruno. I answered it with a smile. “Hey babe, how’s it-” I began, but was cut off. “Brooklyn? It’s Phil.” He said. I cocked my head to the side, standing up. “Phil hey, why do you have Bruno’s phone?” I wondered. Someone knocked on the doorway. “You’re up,” she said. I put the phone to my side and smiled at her. “I’m coming,” I promised her. She rolled her eyes and left the room. I put the phone to my ear again. “Phil I have to go. I’ll call you back in a half an hour.” I said preparing to hang up. “No Brooklyn wait!” He called into the phone, I stopped. “What?” I said irritated. I needed to go. What could be so damn important? “Bruno is in the hospital,” he said in a hushed tone. I choked. “What?” I repeated, this time my tone in shock. “He was sick. He kept coughing and then he passed out in the studio. I was gonna just slap him and wake him up, but his breathing was off so I called 9-1-1 and they rushed him to the hospital. He collapsed his lung from coughing so hard. He stopped breathing,” he explained. The lady came back, “they’re waiting for you. If you don’t get out there right now,” she said. I held up my finger. She waited. “I’ll be right there,” I said into the phone, hanging up. The lady waited in the doorway, looking irritated. “You coming?” She asked. I shook my head. “No, I’m sorry. I have to go,” I said with tears in my eyes. I grabbed my bag. “Seriously?” She said sounding annoyed. I ignored her and pushed passed her to rush out the doorway. I hailed a cab in the middle of the street. “I need to get to the airport, fast,” I said throwing a few bills over the seat. My phone vibrated. It was a text, from Bruno, or Phil. ‘He’s breathing fine now, but you should be here when he wakes up,’ it read. I wrote back, ‘I’m on my way now.’

[hooligancosmos]

Somewhere in Brooklyn- Chapter Eleven: Clay

Chapter Eleven: Clay

Brooklyn:

“Oh. My. God.” I breathed, falling back on the mattress. “You can call me Bruno,” he chuckled. I gave him a look and rolled over, brushing out the knots in the back of my hair. “Ugh, this is a mess,” I complained as my fingers got caught in a massive knot. “Here, let me help,” he offered, pulling me closer and kissing my neck. I chuckled. “Not helping.” My hand was still tangled in the knot. I pulled it free and wrapped my arm around his neck, pulling myself closer. “I disagree,” he mumbled against my skin. “I find this to be quite helpful.” His fingers traced softly down my torso, leaving a trail of ice. His hand rested on my hip and squeezed. I gasped. He pulled his hand away and wrapped his arm around my neck, feigning a headlock. He used his fist to mess my hair. “Hey!” I squirmed. “Not! Helping!” I pulled away, fixing my hair. “No, no, no, no, no, you come here!” He laughed, pulling me back. I scoffed. He twined his fingers through mine. “I’m gonna kick your ass,” I promised with a smile, crawling on top of him. “I can’t wait,” he teased pulling my face to his. He kissed me slowly, savoring the taste. I sighed. “Oh my God,” I breathed again. He freed my lips and his eyes found mine. I tried to smile, but I was too hypnotized by his stare. “Oh God, I’ve missed you,” he whispered. I rolled my eyes, plopping down on him. He grunted. I ran my fingers through his hair, studying the creases forming the dimples in his cheeks. Then he frowned. “No! Smile,” I commanded with a cry. He flashed me a cheesy, animated smile. I chuckled and rolled my eyes. “You’re ridiculous,” I complained resting one hand on the top of his head and stretching my free arm out along the length of his. I folded my hand into his. “Baby, tell me you missed me.” he asked. I studied his face. “Why?” I wondered out loud. His face fell. “No, I mean…” I fumbled, “I didn’t mean it like that, it just…kind of slipped out.” He gave me a look. “You don’t have to say it if you don’t want to,” he said, pouting. I ran my thumb across his bottom lip. “Hey, you know I’ve missed you. But…” I started, not sure how to finish my thought. I stammered. “But what?” He urged me. “Well, it’s just that, I always miss you.” I explained. He smiled, kissing me sweetly. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispered. I rolled my eyes. “You’re so weird,” I whispered back. He laughed. “Okay, I have something to show you,” He groaned pulling himself up off the mattress. Half of the blanket followed him, leaving my bare back exposed. “Hey get back here! I’m cold!” I called into the other room. “Just wait. Trust me, you want to hear this,” he promised returning with his guitar. I leaned up on my elbow. “Oh, are you going to serenade me with sweet nothings?” I teased gathering the blanket around me. I shivered. “This is going to be my first single,” he said with a smile as he began to pluck at the strings. I listened intently. The melody was simple, but pretty.

“Her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they’re not shining. Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying. She’s so beautiful, and I tell her every day. I know, I know, when I compliment her she won’t believe me. And it’s so, it’s so, hard to think that she don’t see what I see. But every time she asks me, ‘do I look okay?” I say;”

“When I see your face, there’s not a thing that I would change, Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are! And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while. Cause girl you’re amazing, just the way you are!”

“The way you are, the way you are. Girl you’re amazing, just the way you are! “

“That’s so beautiful,” I smiled. “You like it?” He questioned. “Like it? Are you kidding me? It’s fantastic! That was so great!” I gushed. He was incredible. He smirked humbly. “So, you think you can hear it playing on the radio?” He asked. Basic, routine questions. “Of course! It was amazing! Babe,” I grabbed his face between my hands, “YOU are amazing.” Dimples creased his cheeks as he leaned forward to kiss me. I pushed the guitar towards the end of the mattress and pulled him on top of me.

Bruno:

“So…I’ve been thinking,” she mused out loud. “About?” I wondered idly as I caught a strand of her hair between my fingers and twisted it around my knuckle. I let it slip through the gaps and repeated the pattern again and again. Soft purrs would escape from between her lips as they curled into a delicate smile. She was always so beautifully relaxed while my fingers dug into her long ringlets. “I think it‘s time that I move out of my apartment,” she shared in a hushed tone. I smiled without realizing it, but kept my thoughts to myself. I had been wishing for her to move in with me for months, but she had never been ready and I didn’t feel the need to push her. I knew that she would decide whenever she felt it appropriate. We were silent. Neither of us felt the need to fill the gaps with idle words or small talk. We were both perfectly comfortable with the stillness of chatter. Neither of us spoke, but we didn’t need to. I knew exactly what she meant when she placed her gentle lips upon the skin under my neck and moved them against the rhythm of my heartbeat. Words could not describe what I meant to say while I twisted my fingers into her hair and pulled her face to mine; our mouths shattering into an endless kiss. The pure affection that emerged from every placement of her hands on my back; my lips on her skin, said more than any mangled sentence that I could manage to spit out of my mouth. In these moments, the silence was wonderful. Every kiss told me that she wanted me. Every touch said that she needed me. Everything was quiet. And it was beautiful.

*Three weeks later

Brooklyn:

The words ran through my head again and again as I prodded my fingers across the wet surface. ‘Cause you’re amazing, just the way you are,’ I sang to myself, smiling. The wheel spun in front of me while I shaped the clay underneath my hands. The soft texture under my skin was soothing. I used the back of my hand to reach an itch on my nose and continued forming the clay. Suddenly I felt warm hands on my stomach and I flinched instinctively. “Hey baby,” he whispered, pressing his lips gingerly in the crease under my jaw. His lips were soft, and warm, and they tickled my neck. I tucked my chin and giggled. “Hey, did you just get home?” I wondered. I hadn’t heard him come in. He nodded. I turned off the wheel and stood up. He laughed. “You have clay on your face,” he chuckled, attempting to wipe it off. “It’s dry.” “It’s fine, I have it all over my arms and legs anyway,” I sighed, feeling the clay begin to dry on my hands. The cracking sensation starting at my fingertips. “What’re you making?” He asked curiously, staring at my blob of putty. “I can’t tell you,” I teased. He rolled his eyes. “Fine, I’ll find out eventually,” he breathed, examining the mess on the tarp that I’d spread out on the floor. “I’ll clean it up, I promise,” I said self consciously. He waved it off. “No, I was just wondering…” He paused, looking around the apartment. “What do you think about getting our own place?” His eyes found mine. I was confused. “Isn’t this our place?” I asked with a slight chuckle. “Yeah, but it’s a bit small, don’t you think? I mean, whenever I moved in here, I was just planning on it being me, by myself. But now that it’s both of us…” He trailed off, examining the place again. “I just think we should be somewhere a little nicer; more spacious, with a working heater. What do you say?” His eyes sparkled with excitement. I bit my bottom lip. “Yeah that sounds amazing, but, how will we afford it? I thought you said that you could barely afford to live here. How will we be able to afford to live somewhere nice?” I asked, just trying to talk it through before we started making rash decisions. Of course I didn’t mind helping out with bills, but I wanted him to be sure it was something he really wanted to do. “Well, about that,” he smirked, “I have something extremely awesome to tell you.” “What is it?” His tone peaked my curiosity. I sounded almost as excited as him. “I got a record deal!” He announced with joy. “Oh my God, Bruno that’s amazing!” I hugged him tightly. His hand pressed into my hair and he squeezed me back. “I know. I’ve been working so hard and waiting so long for a big break and it’s finally here. I am so happy I could just cry,” he gushed, still holding me. I was so happy for him, but at the same time, feeling very inadequate. I had been working towards my dream just as long as him, and working just as hard. I auditioned for every role I possibly could, even as understudies, but I could never catch a break. My biggest accomplishment on my own was maintaining my job at the dance studio. I was feeling extremely ordinary at the moment. “I’m so proud of you,” I told him. “Have you told your family yet?” I wondered. He pulled back, still holding onto my arms. I noticed grey clay on his brown skin from hugging me. “Not yet. I don’t want to tell them until everything is set in stone. This happened before, when I got a record deal and then they dropped me, but that’s when I met Phil.” He explained. I nodded my head. “That’s understandable. Phil must be so excited,” I stated. Bruno laughed. “Are you kidding me? He practically jumped on me. I chuckled, picturing it. “So when do you start…” I paused, “doing whatever it is you do?” I wondered. “I’m not sure yet, but I have to pack tonight.” He informed me. I was taken aback. “Pack? For what?” I worried, taking a step back. He fingered with the clay on the table as he spoke. “They want to fly us out to L.A. tomorrow. That’s where their studio is, but we’ll be home by Friday.” He said. “We?” I questioned. “Yeah, Phil and I,” he said flicking dried clay off of his fingertips. “Oh, well, I’m sure you’ll have fun,” I commented, pulling his attention back to me. He smiled, dimples creasing his cheeks. “I will miss you,” he frowned, picking up my hands in his. He ran his thumb over my knuckles. “You’ll see me on Friday. That’s only six days away.” But it was the longest we’d been apart since we started dating. I smiled encouragingly. He gave in and smiled back. “Six days, and I’ll be home to you.” He repeated. We both sighed. “It looks like someone needs a shower,” he stated rubbing his hands across the dry patches of clay on my arms. “Well you should talk, look at you!” I teased back, pointing out the dry spots of clay on him that matched mine. “Whatever punk,” he growled, pulling my face to his furiously. We kissed roughly, stripping pieces of fabric on the way to the shower. My back pressed against the glass while hot water poured on us. Bruno’s curls hung around his face as he pressed his lips over my skin. The steam clung to the glass and to our bodies, making our skin stick together. I clutched at his shoulder, desperately attempting to control my trembling. His mouth was hungry, kissing every inch of my body. My body was yearning for his, grabbing and pulling at his skin; clawing into his back, biting his shoulder, wincing as he pressed into me again and again. And crying out as my spine slammed against the glass and pleasure coursed through my body. I sighed and moaned his name, collapsing into his arms in exhaustion. He held me up and kissed my wet hair. “Oh wow,” I muttered. He laughed. “Wow is correct,” he breathed. “How long until Friday again?” “Six days,” I groaned.

Bruno:

Six days was simply too long. By day two I was ready to go home. I couldn’t believe it, but I was actually beginning to miss the crisp New York air; still cold even though it was February. L.A. seemed too warm for this early in the year. I remembered just one short month ago, performing on stage with Phil at the concert that changed everything for us. Even though we’d only opened for another band, the producer took special interest in us and now here we were, signing a record deal in L.A. Still, I missed her, even through the excitement. I missed waking up to the smell of her damp hair, always mimicking the scent of Coconut. And her skin, the smell of warm Jasmine. I missed her waking me up in the middle of the night because she couldn’t sleep, slipping her cold legs through mine and planting sleepy lips on my shoulder. And watching her eyelids flutter as she finally fell into sweet slumber. I missed the nights where sarcastic remarks and silly jokes turned into tangled sheets and matted hair. I missed the smell of sweat after hours under the covers and the taste of her salty skin under my lips. I was tired of sharing a room with Phil. He’s like a brother to me, but I didn’t appreciate him farting in his sleep, or his growling snore throughout the whole night. I spent most of the afternoon sleeping to make up for the rest I lacked while sharing a room with Phil. I just thank God that we had separate beds. Other than that, the week was boring. Mostly meetings discussing things we already knew, and a few studio sessions. We recorded a song with a rapper named B.O.B. He wanted us to write him a hook for a new song and we stayed up all night finishing it. We named it, ‘Nothin’ On You.’ We weren’t sure if he planned on using it officially, but he said he would let us know. At the end of the week I got excited. We only had one meeting left and then we were free to fly home. “So, are you guys attached to New York in any way?” Brandon asked. Phil looked at me. “Why do you ask?” I wondered. “Well, we have a pretty nice set up here. We could get you guys into a nice condo. Get you a new wardrobe, maybe a nice car? Besides, we have the hottest beaches, club life, and the hottest chicks here. We could find you two a couple nice ladies out here. Eh? What do you say boys?” He offered. I cleared my throat. “Bruno already has a nice lady back home,” Phil stated. Brandon chuckled. “Alright, alright. It’s just gonna be a lot easier for the two of you if you’re out here permanently. Otherwise you’re gonna be flying back and forth a few times a month.” He said. I was prepared for this. I knew that traveling around so often came with the job, I just thought it would be on tour. “We’re prepared to fly in as often as we have to, but we’d like to stay located in New York,” I said, speaking for Phil and myself. I regretted that later. I should have let Phil speak for himself, but I was a bit worked up. I wasn’t used to other people making decisions for me. “Whatever floats your boat,” Brandon sighed. “Can I ask you a serious question though?” I nodded. “You’ve both been working really hard for this, for a long time. Am I correct?” “Yes, we have.” Phil answered. Brandon nodded. “So I just want you to ask yourself on the flight home, what’s holding you back now? What exactly is it that’s tying you to New York? Phil, you gotta figure out what’s worth more to you, spending time with your family, or making music. And Bruno,” he sighed, “you need to ask yourself what’s more important, your career? Or your girl.” He stated. I took it as a dismissal, shaking his hand and leaving. Phil met me in the lobby. “Are you ready to go?” I asked in frustration. “Bruno,” he said to get my attention. I stopped pacing and faced him. “What?” I sounded angry. “I think Brandon is right. We’ve worked really hard for this. We can’t slack off now.” He said. “Man, I don’t need to hear this right now,” I said storming out to the rental car Brandon had rented for us. I put the key in the ignition and cranked the A/C, waiting for Phil to get in the passenger side. He got in quietly. I put the car in reverse and backed out, turning the corner and flying out of the parking lot. The ride back to the hotel was silent. I rushed up to our room and began packing, shoving my clothes in my bags carelessly. Phil walked in behind me and grabbed his bags, already packed, and took them out to the car. I shoved the last bit of my stuff in my duffel bag and slung it over my shoulder, leaving the hotel room, and Brandon’s question, behind me. I wasn’t leaving Brooklyn, not for a job. Even if it was my dream job. If they didn’t want to work with me in New York, then I would find another label to work with. I was talented, someone would pick me up somewhere down the road. The plane ride back to New York was quiet, and quick. Phil and I barely spoke. When we got off of the plane we walked towards the exit together. “Alright man, I’ll see you tomorrow I guess,” I said reaching my fist out to him. “Bruno, I love Brooklyn. She’s an amazing girl. I don’t want you to think I was saying you should leave her, I just think you need to think of yourself and how hard you’ve worked to get here. But that’s up to you, I support you either way. You’re my brother.” He said. I nodded. “Thanks man,” I said readjusting my duffel bag on my shoulder. “But I thought about what Brandon said on the plane, and I think I’m gonna move to L.A.” I nodded again, rubbing my jaw. “Alright man, well, you gotta do what you gotta do,” I said, trying not to let disappointment flood my tone. I scratched my forehead. I spoke before he could, not wanting to hear what he had to say. “Well, I’m exhausted, I’m gonna hurry to the train and get home, B is probably waiting for me. See you man.” I walked away, not looking back.

My phone rang on the train home. It was an unknown number. I answered it on the third ring. “Hello?” I sounded tired. “Bruno?” A familiar voice said. I couldn‘t quite place it. “Yeah, what’s up?” I asked. “Hey man, it’s B.O.B. How’s it going?” He said, I remember his voice then. “Oh hey, I’m good. Just heading back home, what’s up?” I repeated, not in the mood to chat. I just wanted him to get to the point. “That’s good, that’s good. Well, I just wanted to say, that hook was awesome man. You and Phil did a great job, and you sound dope on the recording. I really like it.” He said. I yawned. “That’s great. You thinking about using it as a single?” I joked, feigning laughter. “Actually I am. I wanna use it as the first single off of my album, if that’s alright with you.” My eyes flew open. “Really? You’re serious?” I questioned in surprise. “Yeah man, I’m liking the feel of it. That’s good with you though? You ready to be heard on the radio?” He chuckled. “Absolutely. Thanks so much for the opportunity man.” I said. “Anytime. I gotta go, but I’ll be in touch and I’ll see you next week.” I yawned again. “Wait, next week?” I asked in confusion. “Yeah man, Brandon set up for us to meet again at the studio next week and record the final edit of the song. It’ll be playing on the radio just a few short weeks after that.” He replied. “But uh, I gotta get going, I’ll be in touch.” “Bye,” I said, hanging up. I was already irritated. It was close to three in the morning and I was exhausted, beyond frustrated, and needing to make too many decisions that I didn’t want to make. The train came to a stop.

Brooklyn:

I felt the mattress move under me. It was dark. I hadn’t heard Bruno come through the door, but it could only be him. I rolled over and immediately felt his chilled skin under my palm. “Bruno?” I asked, just to be sure. He yawned. “Yes baby?” He responded sounding very tired. “Just making sure it was you,” I laughed. “Mhm,” he mumbled. I ran my hand down his chest, scooting closer to him. “I missed you,” I said. It was true. The last week felt colder than normal. “I missed you too,” he whispered. He was silent then. “Do you wanna tell me about it? How was your trip?” I wondered. He was oddly quiet. “It was fine, I guess. I don’t really want to talk about it.” He groaned. “Why not? Didn’t they sign you?” I asked, pushing. It worried me that he didn’t want to talk. It wasn’t like him to be so closed off. “Brooklyn,” he groaned in frustration, “I said, I don’t want to talk about it,” he said rolling over. I reached over to turn on the lamp. He squeezed his eyes shut and threw his arm over his face. “Babe! Really?” He growled. “What the hell is your problem?” I was irritated. He was not being himself at all. He sat up and turned towards me. “No! What the hell is your problem? I’m tired and I want to go to sleep. That is my problem.” He yelled. “Why are you acting like this? What happened there that made you so angry?” I yelled back. “Nothing! You are the one making me angry!” He hollered. Someone next door banged on the wall. “You know what, you’re an asshole, Bruno,” I said gathering the blanket at the end of the bed and stepping out of the room. I made my way through the apartment and found myself on the couch. I covered myself up with the thin blanket and turned into the sofa. I didn’t want to cry, but I found shallow tears falling across my cheeks and nose. I hated how easily he could upset me. And I hated crying, but anger brought the worst out in me. I couldn’t sleep after that. I shivered until my tears dried and found myself drifting towards sleep, but warm hands found me before I was completely out. They scooped me up and carried me back to bed. He laid me down and pulled the covers over me before crawling under them himself. I was quiet but he pulled me close and pushed the hair out of my face. He ran his thumb across my cheek, cupping my jaw. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “Me too,” I replied hoarsely. He kissed my forehead and pulled me into him. I fell asleep shortly after that, listening to his heart beat and his steady breathing.

[hooligancosmos]

[hooligancosmos]

[hooligancosmos]

Chapter Ten- Gigs

Bruno: 

“Bruno, you gotta hurry up man, we need to leave,” Phil called from the other room. I rolled my eyes. 

“Yeah, uhh, give me a second,” I called back, checking my phone again for the thousandth time as I slipped my converse on.  

“You know how important sound check is bro, we’re late!” He reminded me. I wanted to punch him, but it wasn’t his fault. I was just taking out my frustration on him. Brooklyn still hadn’t called me, no messages. I sighed, but tried to hurry to meet Phil. He was right, we were late. My heart wasn’t really into playing tonight, but it was a job, and we needed this. The worst part was that I knew that she had a legitimate reason to be upset with me. She wasn’t just being a dumb girl, getting upset over nothing, or being dramatic. She was trying her best, I know that. 

*Three hours prior* 

Brooklyn:

“Hey what’s up?” I answered the phone swiftly. My class was waiting for me. I could hear Bruno faintly arguing with someone on the other end. I waited. 

“…is important too! Whatever bro, just let it go…” He sounded upset. 

“Hello?” I was beginning to wonder if he meant to call me. 

“Hey, hi baby,” he finally responded. I shifted my weight. 

“What’s wrong?” I asked. 

“Please don’t be mad,” he started. I wiped my forehead. I was exhausted, it was too cold to sleep last night and Bruno was gone, again. He stayed in the studio all night lately. I knew it was important, but it was difficult to sleep without him. The heater kept going out, it always stopped working in this weather. 

“What is it?” I questioned, in a rush. Heidi, the main dance instructor, was out for the day and asked me to fill in for her. 

“Is there any way we can reschedule tonight?” He wondered. I sighed. 

“No, not really. This is the only night Marvin can come into town and he leaves for Afghanistan next week. What came up?” I asked, wiping the sweat from my forehead. 

“Phil got us a gig for tonight, but it’s at the same time as dinner. He already promised them that we would be there. I can’t get out of it.” 

“Well, I already promised Marvin that you would be at dinner tonight, it’s not that often that I get to see my brother anymore, so I would appreciate it if you would try. He really wants to meet you.” 

“I know. I feel terrible. I guess there’s some big record producer coming to the show tonight though, so I really can’t get out of it. There’s no way that he would be able to swing by some other time?” He asked. I scoffed. 

“No, Bruno. There’s no way he can just ’swing by.’ I wanted my brother to meet my boyfriend at a nice dinner, not just shake hands, and leave. This means a lot to me and you’ve known about it for a long time.” I argued, feeling more tired than I really was. He sighed into the phone. 

“Babe, I know he means a lot to you, and I want to meet him, but I can’t ditch this show. I have to be there tonight. I’m sorry.” He sounded genuinely sorry, but I was still mad. 

“There will be more shows, I just don’t understand why this one is so important.” I said sounding defeated. I knew I lost. 

“It’s not just some show at the bar, it’s a real gig downtown. We’re opening for a well known, local band. I get to sing my own songs. This is important to me. Please try to understand.” He begged. I sighed. 

“Okay.” I breathed, biting my lip. 

“I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you,” he promised. 

“It’s fine. Good luck tonight.” I was trying to be understanding, even though everything in me wanted to cuss him out. I knew this was important for him. He had been working so hard and I couldn’t deny him this big break. He breathed in relief. 

“You can come, if you want. I‘ll text you the address” He offered. I thought about it.

“No, I shouldn’t cancel these reservations. It’s hard enough to get into this place at all, I’ll just go to dinner with Marvin, but I’ll see you at home?” I wondered. He hesitated. 

“I have to drop by the studio for a few hours after the show, but I’ll wake you up when I get home, okay?” He was trying so hard. It made me feel horrible for being upset. 

“Okay, I’ll see you.” 

“Bye.” 

The phone clicked. 

Bruno: 

“I’m sorry Phil, I just need to call and check on B and make sure she’s okay.” I said, leaving the stage. It was the biggest stage we’d played on together, so far, but I couldn’t even be excited about it. I didn’t want Brooklyn thinking that I wanted to ditch her. I fought Phil on it for almost an hour before I even called to cancel. I knew he was right though. We had fought so hard, and worked so much to get here. I had been spending so much time in the studio and we actually had material. We were getting somewhere, and I couldn’t get distracted now. Brooklyn was just another reason why I needed to succeed. 

“Make it quick?” Phil wondered. I gave him a look. 

“I’ll try,” I lied. He knew me better than that. 

“Yeah right boy,” he laughed. I rolled my eyes walking away. I shivered, walking outside. The air was bitter. I pulled out my phone and dialed her number. It rang six times before heading to her voice mail. I tried the number once more and it rang once and went straight to voice mail. I cussed and spit, turning off my phone. 

Brooklyn:

“Hey Bee Bee, someone is calling your phone,” Marvin called from the living room. I put down my towel that I’d just picked from the closet and rushed to the other room. My hair was in a bun and I was still sporting the tank top and sweats I’d worn to work. I was about to jump in the shower when Marvin knocked on my front door, surprising me by showing up early. 

“Did you see who it was?” I asked. He shook his head objectively, examining an old novel he found sitting on my coffee table. It had been so long since I stayed at my own apartment, I swung by to tidy up and do laundry once a week, but I didn’t want to invite my brother to Bruno’s until they had met, so I settled for my place. I picked up the phone, checking the caller I.D. It was Bruno. I rolled my eyes. I needed to shower. The phone rang again. Bruno. I ignored the call and sent it to voicemail. I would call him back after I didn’t smell like sweat. 

“Who was it?” Marvin mused, keeping his eyes on the book. 

“No one,” I lied. Marvin chuckled. 

“Boyfriend?” He guessed. I gave him a dirty look. “Trouble in paradise?” He wondered. 

“Don’t ask,” I stated, stalking my way to the shower. 

I looked in the mirror, pleased with what I saw. I put on a little more makeup than normal and curled my hair into soft ringlets, wanting to look my best. I chose my soft lavender dress for dinner. It was cut above the knee, and tight at the waist, hugging my hips, with a generous neckline. The sleeves were long, cutting just over my elbows. I liked the way it framed my body, and the buttery soft material was comfortable over my skin. I paired it with my beige Mary Jane heels. 

Once I was ready I headed back into the living room, Marvin was still reading. I found my phone and tried Bruno, but it went straight to his voicemail. He probably turned it off in sound check. I sighed and plopped down on the couch next to my brother. He shifted his weight, marking the page he was on and set the book on the table. 

“Wow, look at you!” He exclaimed with a smile. I blushed, pushing my heels off of my feet. It was too early to leave for dinner. 

“Thanks,” I said unenthusiastic. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked, turning towards me. I sighed. 

“Nothing. I’m being a girl.” I stated, pouting. 

“Well, I would hope so,” he teased, punching my arm playfully. I chuckled. 

“Shut up jerk,” I giggled. He laughed. 

“No really, tell me. I’ll listen.” He promised. I knew he was being honest. My brother was the best at understanding. He was always objective, which I sometimes hated. 

“I just…” I took a deep breath and let it go. “I miss him.” I breathed. He looked confused. “He’s so good to me, and we‘re great together, but lately…I don’t know, he’s just so busy all the time. He’s always in the studio recording, or playing a show, or in meetings with producers. Even when he’s at home he’s in the other room writing. I’m glad that he’s so passionate and I know that he loves what he does, but at the same time…I just feel like there’s no time left for us.” I explained. 

“Hmm,” Marvin mused, tapping his chin. He cleared his throat. “Are you guys still intimate?” He asked abrasively. I’m sure the color drained from my face. I coughed. 

“Umm, what does that have to do with anything?” I wondered in embarrassment as I pretended to fix my curls. He laughed. 

“Well, if he can find time to sleep with you, yet he doesn’t make time to spend with you otherwise, then I would be worried, but if you’re suffering in…those areas as well, then he’s probably just legitimately busy. He has so much going on and so much running through his head that he doesn’t even have time to worry about not spending time with you. He probably misses you just as much as you miss him, but he doesn’t have the time to sit and worry about it, and you do. You don’t have as much going on as he does so it only makes sense that in your free time you’re worrying about him and wondering if he’s worried about you.” He mused out loud. I scowled at him. 

“Sometimes I really hate you.” I said. He laughed again, reaching over to pull me under his arm. He hugged me. 

“I really miss you kid,” he smiled down at me. I smiled too. 

“I miss you too jerk.” We were silent for a few moments and I sighed. “So what do you suggest I do? Get a hobby?” We laughed. 

“Do something that makes you happy. Something that doesn’t involve Bruno. Do it for you. And when it comes to you and Bruno, support him. Do whatever you can to encourage him and make him feel like you stand behind him. He’s already under so much stress as it is and you don’t want to do anything to add to that. You want to be his refuge. You wanna be the place he goes whenever he needs to escape, when he wants to relax. You be that, and I promise you two will be fine.” He stated. 

“How do you know so much about this?” I asked skeptically. 

“Well, I am married, and I do have a job that requires me to be gone often. A lot more than Bruno even. But Rachel is my refuge. Whenever I need to get away from life, from the stress of the army and war and everything, that’s where I go. Even when I’m gone. If I want to get away from my surroundings, I think of her, and I feel peace. You be that for Bruno.” He said. It was a beautiful way of thinking. 

“That was beautiful,” I sniffed. He laughed. 

“Okay, okay no crying. Now, nothing says ‘supportive girlfriend’ like ditching a fancy dinner to go see your boyfriend perform.” He laughed. 

“No, no, no. I already told him I wasn’t going to be there,” I argued. 

“So? Surprise him. I promise you, if you show up, he’s going to notice and he’ll be excited to see you. Plus, you don’t think I’m really leaving the city until I meet this fool, right? He may be a nice guy, but you’re still my little sister and I’m not leaving until I get the chance to intimidate the hell out of him.” He joked. I sighed. 

“Fine, whatever. Let me go change,” I began to get up. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, not a chance kid. You look great, I’m starving, let’s go.” He stopped me. 

“I’m overdressed,” I whined. He laughed. 

“I’m hungry. And trust me, show up in that, there’s no way he can’t notice you.” I scoffed. 

“Whatever, let’s go,” I gave up, slipping my shoes on and grabbing my coat. 

Bruno: 

The show went great, despite my obvious frustration. We were only opening for the band so we just did a few songs, but the crowd loved us and we even got an encore and came back out at the end to do some songs with the other band. I left the stage feeling hyped. Backstage, I was packing up my guitar when someone put their hands over my eyes. Tiny hands. 

“Guess who?” I heard her say. I laughed, grabbing her warm hands. 

“Hmm, I wonder who it could be,” I feigned ignorance. She giggled and pulled her hands away. I turned to face her. She looked amazing. Her hair was carefully curled and swayed down her back. She was wearing a purple dress that hugged her body nicely, showing her slight curves. 

“Babe! I didn’t know you were coming, I thought you had dinner?” I asked, pulling her into an embrace. She hugged me back tightly. 

“I decided to come see you. Dinner can wait,” she smiled up at me. I smiled back and kissed her quickly. I heard someone clear their throat and Brooklyn turned to look behind her. “Oh, Bruno, this is my brother, Marvin.” She introduced. Marvin smiled and held out his hand to shake mine. His grip was firm. 

“Nice to meet you,” I responded. There was a short awkward silence as the three of us stood there. 

“Bruno, you sound great. Killer voice man,” Marvin complimented. I grinned. 

“Thank you, thank you. I have a lot to work on, but I thought the show went pretty well.” I concluded. 

“It was amazing,” Brooklyn smiled. 

“Well, it was nice to meet you Bruno, I’m gonna give you two a moment. I saw an old friend out in the foyer, I’m gonna see if he’s still here.” Marvin said, excusing himself. I shook his hand again and he kissed Brooklyn on the cheek before leaving. Brooklyn hugged me again, and I pulled her face up to kiss her. 

“You look happy,” I commented. She grinned. 

“Well, you did great, and I get to see you, and you met my brother,” she chirped. I took her hands in mine. 

“You look amazing. I’m glad you came,” I responded. 

“Well, I just wanted to say hi, but I know you need to get going. Are you meeting Phil at the studio or going over together?” She asked. I blinked. 

“I’m supposed to meet him there, but…” I thought. “You know what, I’m not going to go in tonight.” She looked surprised. 

“What do you mean? Don’t you have work to do?” She wondered. I ran my fingers through my hair. 

“Yeah, I’ve worked enough for one day. I’m gonna take you and Marvin out for some of New York’s, very best, pepperoni pizza and beer,” I smiled. 

“Oh, very fancy,” she laughed, kissing me. “Marvin will love it, that’s just his scene.” 

“And you?” I asked. She scrunched her face. 

“Ehh, I can go for some pizza.” She agreed, starting to walk away. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. I pulled her body close to mine and I saw her eyes tighten. I grabbed her face and pulled it to mine, kissing her slowly. Her tongue grazed my bottom lip. 

“What was that for?” She wondered when I pulled away. I was still holding her face. 

“Thank you for being here; for believing in me.” She smiled. 

“So listen, pizza and beer sounds great, but after we get rid of Marvin, can we have sex tonight?” She asked bluntly. I was shocked, although, it had been a while. I chuckled nervously. 

“Well…uhh,” I thought about how much I had missed her. Her body and mine, together. The thought of it stirred feelings inside me. I looked her up and down in her tight dress and had to contain myself. If we were alone I would be tempted to take her right there, but we were surrounded by people and so that wasn’t an option. She bit her lower lip. I kissed her again, roughly this time, and she sighed into my mouth. I tensed up and felt her smile on my lips.

“So?” She wondered pulling back. I sighed in frustration.

“Yes, absolutely.” I agreed. 

[hooligancosmos]

[hooligancosmos]

[hooligancosmos]

[hooligancosmos]

Starting up a new twitter page with my girl Courtney. Go follow us @HooliganCosmos :) 

[hooligancosmos]

Somewhere In Brooklyn- Chapter Nine: Promises

Chapter Nine- Promises

Brooklyn: As I finished talking, Bruno was staring out the window; his eyes as lifeless as I’d ever seen them. He hadn’t looked at me for almost an hour now and it worried me. Could he really not bare to look at me? Did he really feel as disgusted as I felt? Everyone told me that nothing that happened was my fault; except it was. I could have left Josh when things got bad, but I hadn’t. I could have stood up for myself, but I didn’t. I didn’t leave out those details for Bruno either. I told him everything. Would he look at me differently now that he knew that I chose to stay in an unhealthy relationship? Would he find me to be the stupid, selfish girl that I knew I had been? Would he be compassionate? I wasn’t sure. The room held an uncomfortable silence that lingered for what felt like forever. I began to count my breaths, waiting for a response from him. He just sighed and continued to stare at the dreary, gray clouds forming outside the window. Goose bumps formed on my arms and I ran my hands up and down them, trying to force the friction to eliminate them. I already had an uneasy feeling in my stomach and I felt much colder than I had before I told him my testimony. I shivered; partially from the cold, and partially from the silence that stretched across the time as my heartbeats grew faster. His eyes were not still. They darted back and forth across the window, as if he was thinking very deeply, or following something that was moving frequently. I guessed it was his thoughts occupying him but I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take the silence. I was growing anxious. I got up off of the couch and his eyes followed me. I wasn’t sure why I stood up, because the dizziness followed me, but it made me feel better to pace rather than to try to sit still. I could feel his eyes on me as I wandered mindlessly back and forth, but I tried my hardest to ignore them. My eyes caught his for a second and I hated the look in his eyes; pity, it sickened me. “Can you not look at me like that?” I demanded in a ruder tone than I’d originally been aiming for. He looked taken aback and rolled his eyes before turning to stare out the window once more. Once pacing failed to ease my anxiety I resorted to the cold floor. I sat down where I was, resting my head on my knees and spreading my fingers through my hair. Reality was starting to hit me. I’d never told anyone about Josh; only my family knew about him. I never felt the need to share the information with anyone else, and now I was failing to remember what possessed me to tell Bruno in the first place. Real panic began to rise in my throat and I winced, realizing what I’d done. Suddenly I felt warm hands on my shoulders, making me flinch. He didn’t say anything when I scrambled out of his embrace and returned to hiding my face from his. He just sighed. “Can you please stop sighing!” I yelled in frustration. My head was beginning to hurt from how much it was spinning. I felt like I might be nauseous and definitely didn’t want him anywhere near me when I hurled. He began to sigh again but caught himself and just breathed deeply. I didn’t have to look up to know that he’d just ran his hand through his hair and scratched the back of his neck. Somehow I knew his gestures so well, even through the short amount of time since we’d found each other. “Will you please let me touch you?” He pleaded. This was the first thing he’d said in over an hour. I raised my head, my eyes meeting his. It hadn’t been what I was expecting him to say. I nodded my head slowly, suddenly yearning for his touch. He crawled closer to me and rested his hand on my back, rubbing it gently. His fingers left a trail of fire across my skin. I could feel the warmth he carried, even through the thin t-shirt he let me borrow. I suddenly realized how cold I really was. My feet were paler than normal, the goose bumps still lingered on my arms, and my shivering had become relentless. My eyes no longer looked at his, but now it was I who stared out the window. His eyes were on my face, but they weren’t sympathetic anymore, they were pleading. Like there was something he wanted to tell me, but he remained silent. He continued to rub my back for a few more minutes and my shivering eased slightly. My eyes found his again after a long stretch of silence and he rubbed his thumb across my bottom lip, smiling weakly at me. “Your lips are blue,” he commented matter-of-factly. I pressed them together, trying to find warmth in them, but they were numb. I ran my hand through my hair, tossing it over my shoulder. “I’m cold,” I stated with a small chuckle. His brow furrowed and he scooped me up quickly, pulling me into his lap and wrapping his big arms around my narrow shoulders. He ran his hands along the sides of my arms, trying to warm me. I gave him a small smile, rejoicing inside at his reaction. As much as I tried to pretend like his opinion didn’t matter to me, I knew that it did. I tried to convince myself that I wouldn’t be upset if he didn’t understand, but I was more prideful than that. I would be infuriated. I was far from perfect, but I was no martyr. Self-pity wasn’t really my thing. It wasn’t pity or sorrow that brought on my anxiety, it was control. By telling Bruno about my life, I was now handing him the control that I held onto for so long, and what he chose to do with it could either make me or break me. We both knew that. I longed to be close to Bruno, even though I knew it meant being vulnerable, especially in a moment like this. Did it get any more vulnerable than this? I had just told him my deepest secret, my most humiliating memory. If this wasn’t being vulnerable, then I would never know the meaning of the word. Nothing felt off limits anymore, now that he knew everything. I lifted my chin, though it felt heavy, and leaned into him. He kissed my forehead and let his lips linger there, holding me together. I thought neither of us knew how to start a real conversation about the truth I had just revealed to him, but then he spoke and his words silenced my worry. The anxiety ceased, but was immediately replaced with a new extreme; tears.

Bruno:

“I won’t hurt you.” I whispered, afraid to make a promise that asked so much from me. I knew I would never consciously want to hurt Brooklyn, but I was far from perfect. I made mistakes all the time. I was young and dumb and I probably would hurt her at some point. She stopped shaking in my arms, but didn’t respond. Her eyes narrowed, speculating. “No, I take that back,” I mused, turning my head to stare at the raindrops that began to collect on the glass. I didn’t miss how she flinched when my words were misunderstood. She tried not to let the disappointment register on her face, but she was failing drastically. It was the first time that I really noticed how terrible she was at hiding her reactions. She wore her disappointment on her sleeve. I held up a finger. “Let me explain,” I said. She nodded her head, holding my eyes. And then I looked at her. I wanted her to feel my words as they slipped out of my mouth and found her ears. Not just to hear them, but to feel the weight of them. She blinked. “I can’t promise that I won’t hurt you, because let’s face it, I can be an idiot. I’m selfish and stubborn and argumentative and prideful. But I will never, EVER, lay a hand on you.” I could feel myself flinch as I pictured her recoiling from the sting of a belt. I closed my eyes tightly for a moment before I continued, feeling the anger rise inside me as I recounted her story. “I will never force you to do anything that you don’t want to.” My fists clenched and I tried to block out the image of her ex forcing himself on her. Her screams were more desperate in my thoughts than she described because I knew she was good at watering down suffering. She tried so hard to be strong, not realizing that it was her weaknesses that made her so strong. “So no, I can’t promise that I won’t ever hurt you,” I continued, “but I can promise you this.” I breathed deeply, gathering my thoughts into words. “I promise I will always try to make the best of every difficult situation. I promise to wipe your tears through the struggles. I will rub your shoulders when you’re in pain. I will hold your hand when you feel insecure. I promise I’ll always be happy to see you smile. I’ll play with your hair until you fall asleep and let you win when we wrestle. I can promise you that you make me happier than any one has in a very long time. You’re all the things I wish I could be and I don’t ever want to make you feel like you’re any less than exactly that.” Silent tears fell down her cheeks. I pushed her hair out of her face. “But I promise you that I can’t promise not to hurt you.” The tears continued to fall gently, but confusion spread across her face. My words were jumbled. I took her frozen hand in mine. “But more than anything, when I inevitably screw up, because I will, I promise you that I will try my hardest to make it up to you. I will always say I’m sorry. I will always take responsibility for my mistakes. I will always give you puppy dog eyes and kiss you until you forgive me,” I teased, running my thumb across her bottom lip as a smile formed there. She rolled her eyes. “But most importantly, I hope that you never feel like you’re afraid of me, or afraid to be honest with me. You’re safe with me.” I vowed. She smiled again before her lips found mine.

--Two months later--

Brooklyn: I smiled as the lights shined on my face. It was such a beautiful sight. I really missed having someone to celebrate with. Somehow, company made Christmas so much warmer, despite the insanity of the snow outside. “Okay, that’s the last of it!” Phil stated as he stood up from under the tree and joined me to enjoy the beauty of our hard work. We high fived without looking away from the tree, now fully decorated. We made sure Bruno was gone for most of the day before we began to decorate. I rushed him out the door in the morning, maybe a little too eager to get started. Phil showed up a short while later and we’d been working hard all day. Strings of lights hung along the walls and tinsel lined the window. Nature had provided the thin sheet of powder coating the window, making it difficult to see much through the condensation that clung to the glass. Bruno had been complaining about not having a proper Christmas in years, being away from home and all, and I wanted to make sure that he had a true chance to celebrate this year. I introduced him to the Christmas tree a week prior, but he wasn’t as excited as I hoped he would be. It was bare until Phil and I attacked it with colorful lights and ornaments. I even added my own personal decoration to the apartment, hanging mistletoe above the bed. I attached it to the headboard Bruno had eventually purchased; it became a necessity. We hardly spent any nights at my apartment anymore. Bruno insisted that I move in with him, but I was hesitant. He never pushed me though, knowing I would make the decision when I was ready. I respected him endlessly for his patience. He was a good man. Not perfect, just like he promised. We had our weak moments. We didn’t always agree. And sometimes we yelled, but Bruno kept his promises and often times our shouts were quickly muffled by kisses and sighs. He was weird; that was my favorite part of him. The part that not many people got to see. I loved how carefree he could be and I learned how to be weird too. He taught me how to have fun; the kind that doesn’t just involve alcohol or sex. He taught me how to find beauty in simplicity. His relentless laughter brought joy to my life, and for the first time in a very long time, I felt genuine happiness. Not just pleasure or excitement, or accomplishment, but happiness. The kind that woke you up in the morning. The kind that laughed for all kinds of reasons and then for no reason at all. The kind that takes your breath away in timeless moments of passion. The best part of being with Bruno was that we never got tired of each other. He was patient and kind and intelligent, and he shared his thoughts with me, including his music. But it wasn’t even all of those things that brought me the most joy. It was the ever present smile that he had on his face at the end of every day. I never got tired of seeing it, and he never got tired of sharing it with me. For that, I was more than grateful. “What time is he supposed to be home?” Phil mused, still staring at our masterpiece. I checked the time on my phone. “Any minute now,” I smiled, excited for him to see our work. Phil chuckled. “He’s gonna milk this as long as he can, you know?” He added. I laughed back. “I know,” I replied, “that’s the idea.” I found Phil’s eyes and they were astonished. He shook his head as if to clear it. “What?” I asked him, confused at his reaction. “You guys are just like the same person,” he commented, turning his attention to the tree once more. I was going to respond but then we heard someone struggling with the lock and we both smiled. The door swung open and Bruno fiddled with the key, prying it back out of the keyhole. He glanced over the room before he saw the decorations. His eyes widened and he smiled as he looked around. His eyes landed on Phil and I, standing in front of the tree with big, cheesy smiles. He had bits of snowflakes in his hair, and he was in the middle of taking his coat off when the lights caught his attention, but he was as handsome as ever. I walked up to him and helped him pull his coat off, laying it on the counter in the kitchen. “So, do you love it?” I wondered. He blinked. “It’s amazing!” He proclaimed, kissing me quickly. His lips were cold from being outside and I shivered. His eyes met mine and held them in the familiar way that told me he didn’t want the kiss to end. Phil cleared his throat awkwardly and Bruno and I looked away quickly. We were both easily distracted. Phil widened his eyes. “Well, my work here is done, I should get home before the snow gets any worse.” He stated, searching for an escape from the awkwardness Bruno and I had created. I giggled under my breath. He hugged me tightly and planted a quick kiss on my cheek before leaving. I whispered a quick ‘thank you,’ in his ear and he winked at me before saying goodbye to Bruno and closing the door behind him. “This is the best Christmas I’ve had in a long time,” he said, staring at the tree. I smiled, feeling warm inside, knowing it was because of me. I grabbed his chilly hand and wrapped my fingers between his, squeezing. He turned his gaze on me, the lights reflecting in his eyes and off his tan skin. “You’re amazing, you know that?” He wondered, giving me those eyes again. I rolled my eyes. “Well, you know, I do what I do,” I teased, leaning closer to him and shivering again when his cold skin touched mine. He felt my body tense. “Are you cold?” He wondered, I laughed. “No! You are!” I said pressing my hand to his cheek for him to feel the difference in temperature. His hands found my hips and he pulled me forward. “Well, I know how we can fix that…” He trailed off, leaning down to place his icy lips on under my jaw. The next shiver had nothing to do with being cold.

[hooligancosmos]

Somewhere In Brooklyn-Chapter Eight: Just The Way You Are

Forewarning: This chapter is pretty intense and can be quite graphic. Please don't be offended at anything I wrote. It's just a part of the story. 

Chapter Eight: Just The Way You Are

Bruno:

When I woke up, I was alone. I sat up quickly, causing my head to spin a little bit. I rubbed my temples, trying to control the vertigo I was experiencing. I wondered if the previous night had really happened. Had Brooklyn truly shown up at my place, and if so, where was she now? I checked the clock next to my bed, which read 10:00 AM. I pulled back the comforter, stepping out of the bed and shivering when the chilled air hit my bare skin. I looked down, realizing for the first time that I was exposed. I looked around the room, confused as could be. Brooklyn’s leather jacket was strewn across the back of the couch on the far wall, her black guitar case was next to the front door, her brown boots sat next to it. Suddenly I heard a noise coming from the bathroom. I found a pair of grey, baggy sweatpants laying on the floor by my bed and pulled them on quickly. I rubbed my eyes and yawned, making my way to the bathroom, hoping to find Brooklyn there. She was turning off the shower as I walked in. She opened the glass door and stepped out into the cold air, shivering when she realized she was without a towel. I rushed to grab her one and bring it to her. She stood next to the shower door, shivering and looking down at the floor; her back facing me. I took a moment to admire her body, but she shivered again and I hurried to wrap the warm towel around her. She received it gratefully and thanked me in a hushed tone. She wrapped the towel under her arms and ran her fingers through her wet hair as she made her way around me and into the other room. I stood there confused as to why she was so distant. Hadn’t we just had a great night? Why was the morning suddenly so somber? When I joined her in the next room she stood next to my bed, still wrapped in her towel, but looking confused and out of place. “Is everything okay?” I wondered almost worried. She offered me a small smile, twisting her hair in her hands frantically. “Well,” she paused, “I don’t have a change of clothes,” she said looking down at the floor nervously. She dropped the lock of hair she’d been playing with. “I was going to just put on my clothes from last night, but…” she trailed off holding up the shirt she’d been wearing, the sleeve was ripped. I bit my lip. “Oops. Sorry about that,” I apologized, hoping she wasn’t upset. She chuckled lightly. “It’s okay, it was worth it,” she said almost blushing. I smiled to myself. “Hold on a minute. I’ll be right back,” I told her, rushing into the bathroom. I went to my closet and dug in the drawers finding a pair of sweats that Presley had left the last time she visited and grabbing one of my graphic tees. I joined her in the room again, offering them to her. “The shirt will be big on you, but it will keep you warm, and the sweats are my sister’s. She’s about your size so they should fit fine,” I promised. “Thanks,” she said taking them from me. She dropped her towel, pulling on the sweats and throwing the tee over her head. It was baggy on her, but it fit. She was unaware of my presence as I watched her change. I could hardly see the outline of her bare breasts through the thin fabric of my t-shirt. Something about seeing her in my shirt turned me on; the shallow outlined curve of her body barely showing underneath. Her hair was damp and it curled up at the ends, forming waves down her back. She adjusted the clothes nervously, as if she felt self-conscious about her body. I wondered what in the world she would have to be self-conscious about. I loved every line and curve of her body. Her breasts were on the smaller side, but still perfect; it went with her frame. She was shorter than I by several inches, which was always a plus. She was thin, but not on the extreme scale. Her bones didn’t stick out, making her look sallow, but she looked healthy. Her legs were fit, but thicker than the upper portion of her body, her butt perfectly round and larger than most girls I’d dated previously. Her face was perhaps the best part of all, I couldn’t even explain what exactly about it made me so addicted to staring at her. I wasn’t just attracted to the features that were present there, but more the expressions she wore on it. The way she rolled her eyes when I did something idiotic. The way she bit her lip when she was nervous or turned on. Her gentle eyes, her calm smile. I couldn’t find it in me to point out one single flaw, but somehow she saw herself through a completely different lense than I. I sighed. “Okay look, you’re driving me crazy right now,” I admitted, almost sounding frustrated. She crossed her arms and looked down. “What are you talking about?” She asked sheepishly. I scoffed. “Brooklyn you have to STOP acting like this!” I emphasized, almost begging. She looked up angrily. “What the hell are you talking about?” She demanded with fire in her eyes. I walked to her and pulled her arms loose, holding her hands. I softened my tone, trying to be gentle with her. I didn’t like to see her angry, but I would rather see her angry than to see her sad. “Okay listen to me, we have to stop acting like we don’t care about each other, it’s so phony. I know you care about me, and I’m admitting to you right now that I care about you. I need you to start being honest with me about how you feel, I need you to stop hiding behind whatever it is that’s holding you back and just…” I trailed off, not sure how to articulate how I was feeling. It was silent for a moment. Her face was calm. “Stop hiding and just what?” She asked. I thought for a moment more, searching for the right thing to say. “Just be with me!” I blurted out. I almost regretted it once the words had fallen out of my mouth, but I held my head high, refusing to be ashamed of it. It was exactly how I felt and there was no use in pretending like it wasn’t what I’d been wanting to say the whole time. She looked away. “How are you just so sure that that is what you really want?” She questioned me. I took a deep breath. I put my hands on her shoulders. “Is that even a question? Can you not see how I feel about you?” I said, answering her question with my own. “Bruno you let me believe that what Tanya said was true! You could have at least TRIED to explain yourself, but you didn’t. You stood there and didn’t say anything. You LET me walk away. And then you let ten days pass without calling me or trying to find me to explain the truth. You were just going to let me believe that it was true. Do you know how that made me feel?” She demanded. “Upset?” I guessed. “Betrayed!” She spat. “THAT is what is holding me back. Because it HURTS to feel betrayed and the thought of trusting you, letting you see what’s inside, of being vulnerable, it hurts.” “Why are you so quick to assume that I’m going to hurt you?” I wondered, feeling defensive suddenly. She rolled her eyes, throwing up her hands. “I’m not! But that’s reality Bruno. People disappoint us. They let us down. They betray us. And it hurts.” She explained, still angry. “So who’s to say that YOU won’t be the one who disappoints ME?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. I knew I wasn’t being fair, but it upset me that she didn’t even want to try to make things work. “I will Bruno! That’s my point!” She said throwing herself down on the bed. “I am not perfect. Eventually, I’m going to do something that will upset you, that’s going to make you wish you never met me, and what will we do then?” She asked, putting her face in her hands. I kneeled down in front of her, pulling her hands away from her face and pulling her close to me. “Hey,” I said, soothing her. She looked as if she were moments away from tears. She let herself relax on my shoulder. I smelled her sweet scent and took a deep breath, attempting to calm myself. I pulled back after a second of silence. She looked at me cautiously. “I don’t want to fight.” I admitted in a gentler tone. She sighed. “Neither do I,” she breathed. I placed a hand on her cheek and ran my thumb along her jaw. She put her hand on top of mine and gave me a small smile. I smiled back at her. “Oh come on, I know you can give me a bigger smile than that,” I teased. She shot a cheesy smile at me a raised up both of her thumbs. I chuckled. “What a dork,” I joked. She scrunched up her face and stuck her tongue out at me. I laughed, standing up and pulling her off the bed. I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder. She squealed and pounded her fist on my shoulder, demanding I put her down. I ignored her and carried her to the sofa. I tossed her down on the cushion, laying her jacket on the arm of the couch, and plopped down beside her. She stared at me awkwardly for a minute before she scooted closer to me and laid back in my arms, tucking her feet under one of the cushions. Her dark, curly hair was almost completely dry and I ran my fingers through it as she stared up at me. I caught her looking at me and she stuck her tongue out at me again, looking away. She stared at the floor length window for a long time, watching the rain fall outside as I ran my fingers along her scalp and memorized the rhythm of her heartbeat. I was content with silence, just enjoying her company, but she seemed to be pondering things in her head. Every once in a while she would flinch slightly, or her eyes would close for a few minutes. I almost thought she was falling asleep, but they would fly open again and she would continue staring out the window, as if she were in another world, far away from me. Wherever her mind had taken her, it was a place of restlessness. My only hope, was that wherever she’d gone, was somewhere that would help her sort out whatever issues she needed to deal with before she could tell me what was going on inside of her head. Every once in a while I would lean down and kiss her forehead or her hair, reminding her that I was still there. In turn she would offer me a smile or a kiss, and then she was gone again; wandering the walls within her mind. I wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but I knew that whatever it was, it was good for both of us. I relaxed next to her and ran lyrics through my head. Every so often I would hear a melody and attempt to hum it quietly; she didn’t even pay any notice to it. I tried to make the right words fit together inside my head, describing exactly what she meant to me. I wished she could see herself through my eyes; the way I saw her. I longed for her to know how beautiful she was, just like this; curly hair, no makeup, sweats and my t-shirt. I wanted her to comprehend how amazing she was, not all done up or fancy, but just the way she was.

Brooklyn:

For once everything felt like it was alright. Not perfect, but okay. For once I didn’t feel like I was on the verge of falling apart. For once I didn’t feel like I needed a bottle of rum to get me through the day. I could see Bruno watching me as I looked out the window and wandered through the thoughts running through my head. He didn’t look alarmed though so I didn’t find it necessary to reassure him I was fine. He ran his fingers through my hair as we sat in silence. There was something so pure and beautiful about the moment. It was the first time we had been together; really together. Most of the time we were either fooling around or arguing. This was the first time we just sat in silence and enjoyed each other’s presence. I didn’t feel the need to break the silence and apparently neither did he. I mused on everything that had brought me to this very moment. I thought about my past; the people who’d disappointed me, the ones that I’d disappointed; the ones who had wronged me and the ones I’d wronged. I thought about my family, or lack there of. The only people I had left was my mom and my brother. My grandparents were all dead and I never knew my dad. He left after my mom had me and never felt the need to be a part of my life. I hardly ever saw my mom since she moved to North Carolina. When she got remarried her and Robert, my step dad, decided they wanted to live in small town, less hectic than the big city. My older brother had gone with her, but he came to visit more often than she could. I talked to them all the time, but I still felt lonely without them. My brother had been my best friend growing up and my mom and I were inseparable up until she’d moved. My bad track record with men had really only started after they moved away. Growing up I had never been interested in boys. I was more focused on being the drama nerd; in focusing on my career. I was eighteen when they moved. My mom made sure I had enough money constantly, so I only held a part time job in a dance studio. It gave me much more time to focus on my career and Robert was wealthy enough to support not only my mom, but myself and my brother. I was very grateful for him and my family supporting me from afar; not only financially, but with their encouragement and motivation. Robert was like the dad I never had, and he was good for my mom. He kept her grounded and loved her more than my biological dad ever could have. Right before they moved away I met someone; a guy. I was at an audition for an off-Broadway play and he was one of the judges. I got the part and he made more than a little effort to make sure I had everything I needed to be prepared for the role. Josh was charming and handsome. I told him I didn’t want a relationship, assuring him that I really needed to focus on my career and work my ass off to be the best I could be, but he pursued me vigorously. He was constantly taking my breath away by bringing me to lavish parties in penthouse suites, and with the exquisite gifts he would buy me. Josh was very involved in the Broadway scene and he was constantly introducing me to performers I’d looked up to my whole life. He was older than I by almost ten years, but I liked that he was so established in life and mature. My mom liked him, but I think she liked the financial security more than anything. Marvin, my brother, liked the fact that he gave me a better chance of fulfilling my Broadway dreams, but there was always something about him that gave Marvin an anxious feeling and he’d expressed that to me many times. I ignored Marvin, knowing he was being the older, protective brother, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see signs that gave me the same uneasy feeling that Marvin had. I chose to ignore them, knowing that no one is perfect and everyone has their issues. I let him chase me for a few months before I gave in and told him I would date him. The lavishness of life continued and grew from there. After dating for almost a year he asked me to marry him and although I was hesitant, I’d agreed. I knew if anyone could help me with my career, it was him. And I did love him, or so I thought. He was difficult at times, but for the most part he was a good guy. We hardly ever fought, but he never left much room for that. He was very direct with me, always telling me what he wanted me to be, or how he wanted me to act, but I wasn’t very stubborn back then and I complied stupidly. I felt like I owed him for everything he’d done for me, and I wasn’t going to do anything to harm the career he helped me build. He spoiled me often with riches. It was literally every girl’s dream. I felt lucky to be in a relationship, with not only a responsible man, but a handsome and well-known man, who had helped me build my dream career; starring in many off-Broadway productions and even a few small roles in actual Broadway musicals. Everything was perfect, but that wouldn’t last much longer. He was always buying me expensive dresses to wear to galas and fancy dinners, only to ruin them later when we were alone by ripping them off of my body in a ferocious attempt to make love to me. I was appalled by the thousands of dollars he’d wasted on them, just to be torn and ripped only hours later, but I kept my mouth shut, knowing that it excited him. He was obsessed with money, and he was reckless with how he spent it. Many times he would surprise me with a beautiful diamond or pearl necklace, but would tear it off of my neck in the middle of an intimate moment. The pearls would fall to the ground and I would be instantly upset, but if I showed my frustration he would become annoyed with me, promising to replace it later. It wasn’t the jewelry or the dresses that made me upset, but the careless way he would destroy them, in an attempt to arouse himself. It was almost like he couldn’t finish unless he was destroying something. He became uncontrollable and even more destructive as the months passed. He was rough with me, not only by tearing my clothes or my jewelry, but by being aggressive with my body. He was violent, demanding, and even angry at times. If I didn’t do exactly as he said he would throw fits, punching things and destroying furniture. Often times he would take it out on me as well, pulling me by my hair to the bed and convince me to do the things that he wanted me to. He liked rough sex and felt like it was okay to blame the blatant abuse on his appetite for it. Part of me wanted to leave him, but another part of me felt anchored to him. I thought I loved him, and he’d become so much a part of my life by then. I’d quit my job at the dance studio, a suggestion he’d made in a promise to take care of me. I didn’t really need to work there anymore, I’d been making plenty of money from the plays I’d starred in and anything I couldn’t afford he would surely buy for me. I was reluctant to quit, I loved working there, but it made Josh upset and he would often accuse me of not trusting him to take care of me. Eventually I did quit, but it was more because I got tired of him yelling at me about it. Before I knew it I looked back and almost two years had passed. My life had turned into a slow hell and often times I would sneak out of the house to get away so I could cry without him questioning me. By this point I was sure I wanted to leave, but Josh had worked it out for me to audition for a main role in ‘Wicked,’ one of my favorite musicals. If I left, I knew I would never get a chance like that again, and I was scared of how he would react if he knew how I felt about him. I didn’t really know who I was anymore. I’d lost the young, fun girl that I used to be. I hardly ever laughed anymore, and I was often told that I acted too mature for my age. Most of my friends didn’t want to hang out with me anymore, accusing me of growing up too fast. I wasn’t fun as I used to be. But the thing I missed the most was the innocence that I used to have. He’d stolen it from me, and it wasn’t even because we’d had sex. It was the way he treated my body; like I was an object rather than a person. Like I was something to be bought, rather than cherished. Part of me thinks that he knew why I stayed. He knew that I relied on him for more than love and affection, which had become a nonexistent part of our relationship. I kept putting off the wedding, telling him I needed more time to focus on my career before I could plan the perfect wedding. He knew I was lying, but he would roll his eyes and saunter into another room to ignore me for the rest of the night. I didn’t sing on my own anymore. I didn’t dance anymore. I had no passion or motivation. I felt empty and anytime I was forced to smile it felt unnatural and plastic. There were moments when Josh would be sweet to me, reassuring me that he didn’t want to lose me and he loved me, but it made me cringe, rather than warm my heart the way it used to. I would fake a smile and agree, but my heart was broken on the inside. I hated having sex with him, but if I refused he would become so angry, and I often had tears in my eyes when he touched me. He could see the way he repulsed me; it made him more angry and he would become self-destructive. He would start punching himself in the head or threaten to kill himself if I ever left him. I was hysterical and completely terrified every time and tried to comfort him just so he would stop. I’d never been around such violence in my life and it scared me to see him so angry. When he was upset like that he would become chaotic and unpredictable. Two months before Josh and I were supposed to be married, Marvin surprised me and came to visit me in New York. He stayed in the guest room in Josh’s house. Everything was fine for the first week he was there. We spent every moment together and Josh was too busy working to spend much time at all with Marvin. I never told my mom or Marvin how unhappy I was, knowing they would force me to leave Josh, and I was pretty good at feigning happiness by this point so Marvin suspected nothing to be wrong. Marvin wasn’t sure how long he wanted to stay in New York. I knew he was contemplating moving back, but he was torn. He loved North Carolina, but he missed living in the big city at the same time. I told him he could stay as long as he wanted, but Josh wasn’t as excited as I was to have Marvin around. He started an argument with me when I told him about Marvin staying longer and demanded that I tell Marvin to go back to North Carolina, but I refused. He didn’t want him there anymore, but family was the one thing I wouldn’t compromise with Josh on. There was no way I was going to tell Marvin to leave, but Josh wasn’t having it. He began to yell at me, shoving me up against the wall and then picking me up and pushing me back on the bed. Marvin heard us arguing from the other room and knocked on the bedroom door, I could tell he was worried. Josh answered the door angrily, assuring Marvin everything was okay, but Marvin saw me crying on the mattress, he attempted to push past Josh but he was bigger than Marvin and slammed the door in his face, locking it behind him. I got up off the bed and tried to leave the room but Josh pulled me back by my hair. He was yelling at the top of his lungs at me and I shook uncontrollably in fear. He picked me up by arms and threw me back on the bed, taking off his belt to hit me with it. I yelped in pain as the leather connected with my skin. Red welts formed on my arms, my legs, my stomach, and my back. I tried to fight back, but I was weak and he was stronger than I was. He turned me over and shoved my face into the mattress, stifling my screams. I could hear Marvin beating on the door, trying to get inside, but Josh didn’t stop. He swung the belt down and hit me in the back of the head with it, I became light headed, but he didn’t ease up. My body was sore and my skin was stinging all over. Josh had always been violent, but he’d never taken it that far before and it scared me. I wasn’t sure when he was going to stop but I was barely holding onto consciousness and part of me felt like it would be easier to give in and black out, but I fought it. I stopped screaming and bit down on my tongue, tears constantly pouring down my cheeks. After what felt like forever, he stopped. I was relieved, but the ease didn’t last long. He began pulling my clothes off. It stung where the fabric was being ripped off of my body, putting pressure on the welts that were forming. I struggled, trying to stop him, but I was weak and he shoved my head into the mattress as he stripped me of my clothes. I could hear Marvin outside the door, he slammed his body against the door, attempting to break it down. He kept screaming at Josh, telling him to get away from me and informing him that the cops were on their way. Josh ignored Marvin, almost as if he couldn’t hear him. It was almost as if a switch flipped in Josh’s brain and he blocked out everything. I’d seen the look before, when he’d had sex with me. The glossy look in his eyes, the dazed out gaze that disgusted me. He continued to pull my clothes off of me and I struggled. He picked me up and bent me over the mattress, slapping me on the back and making me yelp in pain. I begged him to stop, but he ignored me, exposing himself and forcing himself on me. I screamed hysterically. I’d never been so terrified in my whole life but suddenly the door cracked and then slammed open. I began to black out, but I could barely see the cops enter the room, pulling Josh off of me. Marvin ran inside and tried to steady me but I collapsed, losing my sight. I woke up in a hospital bed, and as much as I wish I could have forgotten everything that happened, I remembered it all. Marvin was there when I woke up. Josh had been arrested for domestic violence and attempted rape, but he was able to bail himself out of jail until his trial. I left with Marvin, staying in North Carolina with my family until Josh had his trial and was convicted guilty. He was sentenced to five years in prison, with the option of parole after two years with good behavior. My mom begged me to stay with her, but after two months I knew I had to go back. If I didn’t I would be left with an overwhelming fear and I refused to live my life in anxiety and paranoia. I still hadn’t fulfilled my dreams and New York was where I needed to be. I was more angry at Josh than anything. I wasn’t going to let him ruin my dreams and force me to live in hiding for the rest of my life. He couldn’t hurt me where he was anymore. Unfortunately, moving back to New York meant starting over, with everything. I had nothing anymore. I was fortunate enough to get my job back at the dance studio, they welcomed me with open arms. Most of my scars healed, but there were still a few on my lower back. The biggest scar he left was internal though. My heart was hardened and the thought of “love” disgusted me. I knew it existed; I never doubted the existence of love, I just doubted that it existed for me. I could feel love, just not from a man. I felt love from my family, I felt love from my passion, I felt love when I sang, and when I danced, but never from a man. I tried to date other men, but everything felt empty. It felt meaningless. It was still fun to fool around with them, but it always felt watered down and superficial. It was more of a joke than anything to me, and I never took any of them seriously. They were just pawns in my game. I didn’t mean to make a joke of love, but like I said; my heart had been hardened. I tried my hardest to put the memories of Josh behind me. I refused to let him control my life anymore. I wasn’t going to live my life sheltered because of the things he’d done to me. I was going to achieve my dreams, on my own. I became stubborn; I was tougher, more independent, and slightly bitter when it came to men. I was convinced that I didn’t need a man; not now, not ever. Men were nice to have around, but I could survive without any of them. Bruno scared me, because he was the first man who made me feel something. I didn’t like it; in fact I hated it. But I couldn’t seem to push him away. When I tried to, it hurt. When he was gone, I missed him. I still refused to believe that it was love, but I knew he was different. Something about him made me feel safe, like I could trust him. I enjoyed the way I felt around him, both emotionally and physically, but I hated it at the same time. Feelings meant being vulnerable and I didn’t ever want to be anchored to anyone ever again. I entertained the idea of one day sharing my life with someone, but I knew it would be with someone who I could live with or without. I didn’t want to give so much of myself away that I would feel like I needed them. I didn’t need anyone but myself and I was content with that. I was independent and I wanted to keep it that way. But in the meantime, Bruno was sexy, he made me feel things I’d never felt before. He knew exactly how to turn me on, and he knew all the little things that drove me insane. I was addicted to his body, and his smile. But it went deeper than that. He saw more of me than any of the other guys had. They all saw my body, my face, my exterior, and they enjoyed it, but Bruno saw my soul. He saw the expressions on my face and knew when they changed and what they meant. He knew that there was an internal battle going on in my mind, and if I wanted to keep him around, I knew I couldn’t hide it from him much longer. He was completely honest with me about how he felt and about who he was, and I had hardly told him anything about myself. He didn’t even know about Marvin. I’d never mentioned having any siblings. Marvin had moved back to New York with me after Josh was sent to prison, but we didn’t live together. He lived about an hour away from me. He got married shortly after moving back and had just had his first son. We saw each other every week, which I was thankful for, but he didn’t know about Bruno, nor did Bruno know about him. I could tell that things were more serious with Bruno than they had been with any of the other guys, but I didn’t want to put a label on it. He still confused me and I definitely wasn’t giving away my heart to him any time soon. He intrigued me, I liked him and he made me feel special, but I wasn’t trying to rush anything. I broke out of my trance of thoughts suddenly and Bruno was shaking my shoulder. “Are you alright? You’ve been staring off into space for almost an hour, I don’t even think you’ve blinked,” he joked lightheartedly. I blinked a few times and squeezed my eyes shut tight. I sat up, stretching and then relaxed back into Bruno’s arms. He waited patiently for my response. “I’m fine, I’ve just been thinking.” I answered simply. He rubbed my arm. “What have you been thinking about?” He wondered nonchalantly. I sighed hugely and sat up, turning around to face him on the sofa. I closed my eyes, trying to convince myself not to say what I was about to say, but I’d already made up my mind. “Bruno…” I breathed deeply, “We need to talk…” He nodded his head silently, knowing this was coming. I ran my hand through my hair and began to tell him my story.

[hooligancosmos]

Somewhere in Brooklyn-Chapter Eight TEASER: Just The Way You Are

TEASER: There will be more coming for this chapter, but for now, here ya go! <3 

Chapter Eight: Just The Way You Are

Bruno:

When I woke up, I was alone. I sat up quickly, causing my head to spin a little bit. I rubbed my temples, trying to control the vertigo I was experiencing. I wondered if the previous night had really happened. Had Brooklyn truly shown up at my place, and if so, where was she now? I checked the clock next to my bed, which read 10:00 AM. I pulled back the comforter, stepping out of the bed and shivering when the chilled air hit my bare skin. I looked down, realizing for the first time that I was exposed. I looked around the room, confused as could be. Brooklyn’s leather jacket was strewn across the back of the couch on the far wall, her black guitar case was next to the front door, her brown boots sat next to it. Suddenly I heard a noise coming from the bathroom. I found a pair of grey, baggy sweatpants laying on the floor by my bed and pulled them on quickly. I rubbed my eyes and yawned, making my way to the bathroom, hoping to find Brooklyn there. She was turning off the shower as I walked in. She opened the glass door and stepped out into the cold air, shivering when she realized she was without a towel. I rushed to grab her one and bring it to her. She stood next to the shower door, shivering and looking down at the floor; her back facing me. I took a moment to admire her body, but she shivered again and I hurried to wrap the warm towel around her. She received it gratefully and thanked me in a hushed tone. She wrapped the towel under her arms and ran her fingers through her wet hair as she made her way around me and into the other room. I stood there confused as to why she was so distant. Hadn’t we just had a great night? Why was the morning suddenly so somber? When I joined her in the next room she stood next to my bed, still wrapped in her towel, but looking confused and out of place. “Is everything okay?” I wondered almost worried. She offered me a small smile, twisting her hair in her hands frantically. “Well,” she paused, “I don’t have a change of clothes,” she said looking down at the floor nervously. She dropped the lock of hair she’d been playing with. “I was going to just put on my clothes from last night, but…” she trailed off holding up the shirt she’d been wearing, the sleeve was ripped. I bit my lip. “Oops. Sorry about that,” I apologized, hoping she wasn’t upset. She chuckled lightly. “It’s okay, it was worth it,” she said almost blushing. I smiled to myself. “Hold on a minute. I’ll be right back,” I told her, rushing into the bathroom. I went to my closet and dug in the drawers finding a pair of sweats that Presley had left the last time she visited and grabbing one of my graphic tees. I joined her in the room again, offering them to her. “The shirt will be big on you, but it will keep you warm, and the sweats are my sister’s. She’s about your size so they should fit fine,” I promised. “Thanks,” she said taking them from me. She dropped her towel, pulling on the sweats and throwing the tee over her head. It was baggy on her, but it fit. She was unaware of my presence as I watched her change. I could hardly see the outline of her bare breasts through the thin fabric of my t-shirt. Something about seeing her in my shirt turned me on; the shallow outlined curve of her body barely showing underneath. Her hair was damp and it curled up at the ends, forming waves down her back. She adjusted the clothes nervously, as if she felt self-conscious about her body. I wondered what in the world she would have to be self-conscious about. I loved every line and curve of her body. Her breasts were on the smaller side, but still perfect; it went with her frame. She was shorter than I by several inches, which was always a plus. She was thin, but not on the extreme scale. Her bones didn’t stick out, making her look sallow, but she looked healthy. Her legs were fit, but thicker than the upper portion of her body, her butt perfectly round and larger than most girls I’d dated previously. Her face was perhaps the best part of all, I couldn’t even explain what exactly about it made me so addicted to staring at her. I wasn’t just attracted to the features that were present there, but more the expressions she wore on it. The way she rolled her eyes when I did something idiotic. The way she bit her lip when she was nervous or turned on. Her gentle eyes, her calm smile. I couldn’t find it in me to point out one single flaw, but somehow she saw herself through a completely different lense than I. I sighed. “Okay look, you’re driving me crazy right now,” I admitted, almost sounding frustrated. She crossed her arms and looked down. “What are you talking about?” She asked sheepishly. I scoffed. “Brooklyn you have to STOP acting like this!” I emphasized, almost begging. She looked up angrily. “What the hell are you talking about?” She demanded with fire in her eyes. I walked to her and pulled her arms loose, holding her hands. I softened my tone, trying to be gentle with her. I didn’t like to see her angry, but I would rather see her angry than to see her sad. “Okay listen to me, we have to stop acting like we don’t care about each other, it’s so phony. I know you care about me, and I’m admitting to you right now that I care about you. I need you to start being honest with me about how you feel, I need you to stop hiding behind whatever it is that’s holding you back and just…” I trailed off, not sure how to articulate how I was feeling. It was silent for a moment. Her face was calm. “Stop hiding and just what?” She asked. I thought for a moment more, searching for the right thing to say. “Just be with me!” I blurted out. I almost regretted it once the words had fallen out of my mouth, but I held my head high, refusing to be ashamed of it. It was exactly how I felt and there was no use in pretending like it wasn’t what I’d been wanting to say the whole time. She looked away. “How are you just so sure that that is what you really want?” She questioned me. I took a deep breath. I put my hands on her shoulders. “Is that even a question? Can you not see how I feel about you?” I said, answering her question with my own. “Bruno you let me believe that what Tanya said was true! You could have at least TRIED to explain yourself, but you didn’t. You stood there and didn’t say anything. You LET me walk away. And then you let ten days pass without calling me or trying to find me to explain the truth. You were just going to let me believe that it was true. Do you know how that made me feel?” She demanded. “Upset?” I guessed. “Betrayed!” She spat. “THAT is what is holding me back. Because it HURTS to feel betrayed and the thought of trusting you, letting you see what’s inside, of being vulnerable, it hurts.” “Why are you so quick to assume that I’m going to hurt you?” I wondered, feeling defensive suddenly. She rolled her eyes, throwing up her hands. “I’m not! But that’s reality Bruno. People disappoint us. They let us down. They betray us. And it hurts.” She explained, still angry. “So who’s to say that YOU won’t be the one who disappoints ME?” I asked, narrowing my eyes. I knew I wasn’t being fair, but it upset me that she didn’t even want to try to make things work. “I will Bruno! That’s my point!” She said throwing herself down on the bed. “I am not perfect. Eventually, I’m going to do something that will upset you, that’s going to make you wish you never met me, and what will we do then?” She asked, putting her face in her hands. I kneeled down in front of her, pulling her hands away from her face and pulling her close to me. “Hey,” I said, soothing her. She looked as if she were moments away from tears. She let herself relax on my shoulder. I smelled her sweet scent and took a deep breath, attempting to calm myself. I pulled back after a second of silence. She looked at me cautiously. “I don’t want to fight.” I admitted in a gentler tone. She sighed. “Neither do I,” she breathed. I placed a hand on her cheek and ran my thumb along her jaw. She put her hand on top of mine and gave me a small smile. I smiled back at her. “Oh come on, I know you can give me a bigger smile than that,” I teased. She shot a cheesy smile at me a raised up both of her thumbs. I chuckled. “What a dork,” I joked. She scrunched up her face and stuck her tongue out at me. I laughed, standing up and pulling her off the bed. I picked her up and threw her over my shoulder. She squealed and pounded her fist on my shoulder, demanding I put her down. I ignored her and carried her to the sofa. I tossed her down on the cushion, laying her jacket on the arm of the couch, and plopped down beside her. She stared at me awkwardly for a minute before she scooted closer to me and laid back in my arms, tucking her feet under one of the cushions. Her dark, curly hair was almost completely dry and I ran my fingers through it as she stared up at me. I caught her looking at me and she stuck her tongue out at me again, looking away. She stared at the floor length window for a long time, watching the rain fall outside as I ran my fingers along her scalp and memorized the rhythm of her heartbeat. I was content with silence, just enjoying her company, but she seemed to be pondering things in her head. Every once in a while she would flinch slightly, or her eyes would close for a few minutes. I almost thought she was falling asleep, but they would fly open again and she would continue staring out the window, as if she were in another world, far away from me. Wherever her mind had taken her, it was a place of restlessness. My only hope, was that wherever she’d gone, was somewhere that would help her sort out whatever issues she needed to deal with before she could tell me what was going on inside of her head. Every once in a while I would lean down and kiss her forehead or her hair, reminding her that I was still there. In turn she would offer me a smile or a kiss, and then she was gone again; wandering the walls within her mind. I wasn’t exactly sure what was happening, but I knew that whatever it was, it was good for both of us. I relaxed next to her and ran lyrics through my head. Every so often I would hear a melody and attempt to hum it quietly; she didn’t even pay any notice to it. I tried to make the right words fit together inside my head, describing exactly what she meant to me. I wished she could see herself through my eyes; the way I saw her. I longed for her to know how beautiful she was, just like this; curly hair, no makeup, sweats and my t-shirt. I wanted her to comprehend how amazing she was, not all done up or fancy, but just the way she was.

[hooligancosmos]

Somewhere in Brooklyn- Chapter Seven: Redemption

Chapter Seven: Redemption Brooklyn I sat in the bar, waiting for my opportunity. I had no excuse not to be where I was, no more distractions. Brody was officially not an option anymore. And Bruno, well, that was a whole other story. He infuriated me the most. At least with Brody I didn’t have any personal attachment, but with Bruno, I’d already decided things were over, and yet I still found him dancing through my thoughts. The feeling of betrayal was perhaps the worst part of all. I tried to push the feelings towards the back of my head so I could focus on the music. It would be my turn to sing soon and I didn’t need my personal issues to distract me from doing my best. I mean, it was only an open mic night, nothing serious, but you never knew who could possibly be listening. I listened to two more artists perform before it was my turn. I grabbed Rusty, my trusty, old guitar, and headed to the small stage. My mom always had an obsession with naming things; her car, her ukulele, my guitar. She named it Rusty because of the red tint of the wood it was made from. I could hardly see a thing with the bright spotlight shining in my eyes, but all I needed to see I could picture with my eyes closed. The music formed patterns behind my eyelids as I strummed the first chord and broke out into my own rendition of ‘Are You Lonesome Tonight,’ by Elvis Presley. It was one that my mom would always sing to me when I was younger and I was sad. The sound of her voice always seemed to soothe my troubled thoughts into a deep slumber, so much so that the very sound of the melody calmed me, even as my anxiety tried to overcome me. The crowd was silent, listening. I could hear faint traces of glasses clinking together, but other than that, the only noise was the sound of my voice bouncing off the far walls of the bar. I’d originally planned on singing three songs, but when I reached the bridge of the song, tears welled up in my eyes. I forced them away, hating myself for feeling so weak and vulnerable. When the song was over I was glad. I knew if I were to move on to my next song, ‘To Make You Feel My Love,’ tears would most definitely overtake me. I pushed the mic away from my face, stood up, and left the stage silently. Faint traces of clapping followed awkwardly as I took my seat next to the bar once again. I motioned at the bartender for another rum and coke. He acknowledged me and sat a glass in front of me a short time later. I watched the next act take the stage. A women, maybe a few years older than me, but much more girly. Her dress bounced as she walked. Her huge smile captivated the audience and everyone paid attention to her twangy voice as she strummed her guitar and sang a more upbeat song than I had. Everyone but one person. He was sitting a few seats away from me, but his eyes were focused on me. He watched me as I sipped on my rum and ignored him. He looked somewhat familiar, but I couldn’t remember where I’d seen him and I didn’t really care to know. I was angry, and not in any sort of mood to be messed with. I turned slightly, shifting my shoulders so my postured was facing away from him. He watched me silently for a few more moments before closing the gap between the two of us and taking the seat next to me. I turned to look at him with an irritated glance. He smiled brightly and I was sure I’d seen him before, but I was already annoyed. “Hello,” he said with a friendly nod of his head. I turned my shoulders to face him. “Do I know you?” I wondered rudely, ignoring his polite greeting. He pushed his thick, black rimmed glasses up on his nose, nodding his head. “I’m Phil,” he answered, turning his head to the side and smiling. Realization struck in my head and I vaguely remembered seeing his face as I danced with Bruno the night they’d performed. I smiled back, hating that I’d been so rude before. “OH! Phil!” I exclaimed, placing my hand on his arm. “I’m sorry, I don’t think we ever formally met.” I apologized. He waved his hand lightheartedly. “It’s okay sweetie, don’t worry about it.” He rearranged his posture, leaning in towards me to be heard over the wailing of the next singer. I turned my ear to him and focused on what he was saying. “How about we get out of here so we can talk?” He wondered. I was confused, but I’d already had too much rum, so leaving was automatically a good idea, but I wasn’t sure what exactly we needed to talk about. I was hardly even meeting him, but something in me was still holding onto the memory of Bruno so I grabbed the hand he offered up to me and let him lead me out of the bar. I ran back inside, forgetting my guitar and Phil offered to carry it as we walked in the chilly air. I wrapped my scarf around my neck, shivering a little. It was silent for a few moments as we walked. I wasn’t even really sure of where we were going, but Phil seemed to know the way. I realized I was right about having too much rum as I walked. I felt a little dizzy, but decided the cooler air was what was best to clear my head as it began to spin. “You’re not too cold are you?” Phil wondered politely. I shook my head, smiling nervously. Somehow he seemed to calm my nerves. He was so gentle, so kind; it caught me off guard. “I’m fine. I grew up in this weather.” I stated with a small smile. He shrugged. “Great!” He said. “Rusty isn’t too heavy for you, is she?” I wondered aimlessly, just searching for conversation. He peered at me confused. I motioned to the guitar case swinging by his side. “Oh, not at all,” he reassured. It was silent for a moment. “Rusty eh?” He mused curiously. “Don’t ask me,” I giggled, “my mom was a sucker for naming things.” I explained. It seemed so easy to be around Phil. His presence was lighthearted and carefree. He stared at me with a smirk on his face. I messed with my hair self-consciously. “What?” I questioned. He laughed, reassuring me of his carefree attitude. “I can see why he likes you so much; that smile.” He said simply. My face grew serious. I looked down at the ground, pretending to mess with my scarf as we walked in silence. “You don’t want to talk about him?” He asked directly. I didn’t speak, but simply shook my head, my face still somber. He shrugged. “That’s alright, I wouldn’t want to either, after what he did to you. Who would want to?” He replied. I stopped walking, confused. He kept going without me, stopping a few paces ahead of me and turning around to gesture for me to join him. He waited for me to catch up. I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I ran my hand through my hair. “I’m… confused,” I pondered out loud. He waited a moment before he responded. “About?” He mused nonchalantly. “Why you would say that about Bruno? He’s your best friend right?” I said sounding defensive. Phil laughed. “Yes, more than that. He’s like a brother to me.” He answered. I shook my head once more. “But I don’t understand,” I wondered. He ignored me and continued rambling. “I always told him that Tanya was no good for him. She gave me a bad vibe from the moment I first met her. She wasn’t kind or friendly. She was selfish. He knew that too. He didn’t really want to be with her, but she was so pushy. I just can’t believe she caused so much trouble though.” He cleared his throat and readjusted his grip on Rusty. I listened silently, not sure where our conversation was going. “I was so relieved when Bruno stopped seeing her. He knew she was bad news and he deserves better. But I guess it was a mistake thinking she would just go away after that. She was obsessed with Bruno, you know?” He said chuckling, turning towards me to nudge my arm. I was even more confused. I furrowed my brow. “You mean he broke up with her?” I asked trying to sort out the truth. He nodded. “Yeah, a little over a month ago,” he said. My eyes widened. “But…” I was speechless. I took a few minutes to find my words. He was patient. “So what did you mean before then?” I asked. He turned his head questioningly. “About?” “You said you wouldn’t want to talk to him either after what he did to me,” I explained. He chuckled freely. “Oh, you thought I was talking about Tanya?” He breathed deeply. “No I meant how he let you get away before he could explain the truth. And then how he let ten more days pass without calling you to explain the truth. You deserve to know the truth.” He answered. My mouth flew open in shock. I placed a hand on my forehead, running it through my hair. “Oh my God I feel terrible. I didn’t even give him a chance to explain.” I said feeling awful. “You didn’t know any better sweetie. I probably would have believed her too if I were you.” He said sweetly. It was quiet for a minute. Relief flooded through my body but also a gripping fear that Bruno would be upset with me for not giving him the opportunity to explain himself. “Do you think he’ll forgive me?” I wondered quietly. He smiled. “I don’t know, why don’t you go ask him?” He questioned. I rolled my eyes. “I’m serious Phil,” I stated smiling weakly. “So am I,” He responded gesturing behind me. I turned around to see the familiar building; Bruno’s apartment building. I had been so busy figuring out what was going on that I didn’t even realize where we’d been walking. I turned to face Phil again, fixing my hair. “I can’t. I look a mess. I’ve been drinking,” I listed my excuses, knowing fear was holding me back. He rolled his eyes. “Do you honestly think he will care if you‘re slightly less than sober?” He said honestly, putting a hand on my shoulder. I nodded, knowing he wouldn’t. “And you look beautiful, so stop it and get your ass upstairs before he goes to bed.” I smiled at Phil, feeling like Cinderella as she thanks her fairy godmother. I threw my arms around him gratefully and he patted me on the back gently. He offered me my guitar and a huge smile as he stuffed his hands in his pockets and crossed the street. I entered the warm building, taking my time to make my way upstairs. I fiddled with my clothes nervously in the elevator. When I reached his door I knocked quietly. Some part of me hoped he wouldn’t hear and I could run away, but after a few moments of silence the door swung open. He stood there looking perfect as ever. He looked surprised to see me, but his face was slack, telling me he had either just woke up or was just about to fall asleep. I bit my lip nervously, looking down at the floor. "I didn't think you would come." He said, reassuring me that he'd put Phil up to talking to me. I wasn’t sure what to say. He was quiet too. After a few moments of awkward silence our eyes connected. His eyes were gentle. His face looked haggard, but still beautiful. “Can I come in?” I asked sheepishly. He was quiet, I wasn’t sure if he had heard me at first, but then he reached forward, grabbing my guitar and setting it by the door. He placed his hand on my back as I stepped inside the door and a chill ran down my spine, making me flinch. He shut the door behind me. We stood there awkwardly, staring at each other. He looked down at the floor suddenly. I reached my hand up slowly and rested it on the side of his cheek. He closed his eyes and rested his hand on top of mine, holding it to his face. I furrowed my brow in disappointment. “You look tired. Have you been sleeping?” I wondered. He shrugged slightly, opening his eyes again. “Did I wake you up?” I asked. He shook his head, but I could tell he was lying because he reached up to run his hand through his curls, but he caught himself and dropped it to his side again. I didn’t challenge him on it though, deciding it didn’t matter. I pulled my hand away from his face, rubbing my eyes. Suddenly realizing how tired I’d become. Alcohol always seemed to make me drowsy. “Well, I should go, I want you to get some sleep.” I stated, fidgeting with my jacket. “No!” His tone was urgent as he reached for me, pulling me by my hands, towards him. I shrugged them away. “We can talk tomorrow Bruno,” I said directly. He stepped back. “Why did you come here Brooklyn?” He asked after a moment of silence. I shrugged, not wanting to answer. He waited patiently while I avoided eye contact. He won. After the long pause I looked up. He was looking at me and something in me decided to tell him the truth. I breathed deeply. “I need you to forgive me,” I stated, “for not letting you explain the situation with Tanya,” he cringed slightly at the sound of her name. It was quiet again. I hated the silence, but I didn’t know what else there was to say. I looked around the room, waiting for him to respond. He reached for my hand and intertwined his fingers with mine. I looked up to meet his eyes. “Please stay,” he asked simply, his voice so calm, his eyes so gentle. I pushed out my bottom lip, pulling my hand away. “I don’t know…” I trailed off, biting nervously on my lip. Something about him being so vulnerable made me anxious. I couldn’t be as open with him, I couldn’t find it in me to show him how truly weak he made me feel. He grabbed my hand once more, pulling me closer to his body. I didn’t fight him this time. His free hand rested at the small of my back and the other traveled to my face, cupping my jaw. His eyes captivated mine. “Please,” he asked once more. I melted. His big, brown eyes stared into mine and my lip trembled. I saw them travel over my face before they met mine again. I looked him up and down, wanting so badly to be tough, to walk away from him and go home, but I couldn’t. This felt way too normal, being so close. I couldn’t find it in me to push myself away. The tension grew as the silence continued. He pushed on the small of my back, forcing my body closer to his and the muscles in my legs tightened instinctively. My lips found his in an instant and our bodies erupted into flames. My movements were rough, ripping his clothes off of him, forcefully. We found our way to the bed, leaving a trail of clothes behind us. I pushed him down on the mattress and forced myself on top of him. His lips were frantic on mine. It wasn’t long before we were both breathing heavily. His hands traveled over every inch of my skin, feeling each curve on my body. His hands gripped at my hips, pulling them closer to him. He grabbed my hair, using his grip to pull my face down to his. He kissed me wildly, biting my bottom lip. He pushed me forward, using his strength to roll on top of me. He hovered over me, staring down at my naked body. His eyes found mine and they were wild. I smiled wickedly and reached my hand up to run it through his messy, curly hair. He smiled hugely, his dimples popping out of his cheeks. Butterflies filled my stomach. He reached down and ran his thumb along my bottom lip as he watched me. He removed it and replaced it with his lips. They were gentle this time. They remained calm as he moved on top of me and spread my legs with his free hand. I gasped when he slid himself inside of me. All the while he never ceased kissing me. I could feel a smile forming under his kiss as he pushed himself further inside me. My chest moved up and down desperately as I tried to stay as calm as he was. This time was different than any time before. Somehow, more intense, despite the fact that he was more gentle than he’d ever been. His lips remained soft and steady on mine, occasionally traveling to my jaw or my neck before they found their way back. His warm tongue entered my mouth and he ran his hand across my breast. I tried my hardest to be calm, gripping his arm for support and digging my fingernails into his back as intense pleasure filled my entire body. His lips left mine and I breathed his name. He smiled. He reached down, pulling my arm above my head and intertwined his fingers through mine. He continued to grind on top of me as he kissed down my arm, his lips eventually finding their way to my chest. I breathed haggardly, desperately trying to calm myself. I arched my back and moaned as he pushed harder, biting my neck at the same time. I could tell he was losing it too. He paused for a moment, not moving. He pulled back and pushed again, sighing warm breath into my neck as his back tensed. His breathing hitched and he began to move faster. I moaned louder, squeezing my eyes shut. My brow furrowed and his lips became more frantic on my skin. His hand found its way in between my legs and he pushed them open further. He pulled back, watching me enjoy myself as his movements became more rough. I gripped the sheets desperately, only wanting to be closer to him. His face became serious and he bit his lip, a sheen of sweat forming on his forehead. His hand tangled in my hair, pulling as he continued to grind on top of me. I grabbed at his skin frantically, beginning to shake uncontrollably. My body moved with his and he moaned. His curly hair bounced as he pushed himself into me faster and his eyes narrowed. He reached between my legs again, pushing them apart even further. My thighs began to burn and he began to rub his thumb along my clit. I gasped for air. His name slipped through my lips in a cry and he moaned into my ear. The bed shook underneath us. My fist pounded on the mattress and I winced as he pleased me. I grabbed the back of his neck and pulled my body into his desperately. He grunted louder as we rocked the bed. He kissed me once more and I moaned into his mouth. His lips were frantic all over my skin and he pushed his legs against my thighs. I gasped. “Say my name,” he breathed into my neck. I moaned his name and he pushed faster. My body exploded in pleasure, my back convulsing as I breathed his name. He moaned too and his back tensed as his face became serious. I expected the pleasure to end but it kept coming in waves as he moved on top of me. His lips were on mine and I could barely kiss him back. My lips quivered and my legs trembled. Finally he collapsed on top of me. We were both breathless. His hair tickled my chest and I ran my hands through it as we both attempted to regulate our oxygen intake. After a few moments of silence he rolled over, pulling me on top of him. I rested my head on his chest and listened to the sound of his heart pounding underneath me. When I could breathe I lifted my head and kissed the skin under me, he shivered when my lips touched his chest. I looked up at him and saw him watching me. “Will you stay the night?” He asked quietly. I smiled and returned my ear to his chest, closing my eyes to find rest.