THE SIGNS AS ENTIRE HISTORY OF THE WORLD, I GUESS
Aries: "let's overthrow the palace and cut all their heads off!" said robespierre, cutting everybody's heads off until someone eventually got mad and cut his head off.
you could make a rel— no, don't.
Taurus: now the animals can go on land. come on, animals, let's go on land! "nope, can't walk yet. and there's no food yet, so I don't care"
Gemini: tired of using lame, sad metal? introducing: bronze. made from special ingredient tin from the far lands of Tin Land. i dunno, my dealer won't tell me where he gets it.
Cancer: get the hell out of here. will you get the hell out of here if i give you 500 elephants? okay, thanks, bye
Leo: ♫the sun is a deadly laser♫
Virgo: some people have no friends. some people have no food. the globe is warming, and ♫the ocean is full of plastic!♫
Libra: hi, i'm a member of the roman empire, and i was wondering ♫is loving jesus legal yet?♫
Scorpio: "Wait!" said christopher columbus, probably smoking crack. "if the world is round, let's go this way to india"
Sagittarius: who's the buddha? this guy, who sat under a tree for so long that he figured out how to ignore the fact that we're all dying. you could make a religion out of this.
Capricorn: oh, fuck, now everything's dead
Aquarius: some stars burn out and die. bigger stars burn out and die with passion! and make some brand new way crazier shit. ♫space dust!♫ which allows for newer and more interesting stars to be made, and then die and explode into ♫even crazier space dust!♫
Pisces: hi, you're on a rock floating in space. pretty cool, huh? some of it's water. fuck it. actually, most of it's water. i can't even get from here to there without buying a boat. it's sad. i'm sad. i miss you.
