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Today's Document
Game Changer & Make Some Noise
🩵 avery cochrane 🩵
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macklin celebrini has autism
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The Bowery Presents
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roma★
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@hostis-rei-publicae
my ancient greek history professor is making us post memes weekly. i swear to god
heres one for you
my time has come for hyperspecific classics memes
I…I need context. I’m gonna research all this shit one day.. If I remember after work
I understand most of these!
My brother has to submit memes about ancient rome to his class so I’m definitely going to give suggestions.
tired of reading stupid classics discourse over things like whether orestes/pylades is problematic or whether hades actually loved persephone. let’s start a fun fake discussion over something like the real reason why augustus exiled ovid. i’m placing my money on “augustus got pissed at something ovid wrote and ovid replied to him with ‘whoa mama mia cunt’”
you guys are way too fucking good at this
okay but patroclus and achilles did not have their ashes mixed together for people to call it a friendship
and they DIED for each other CMON
I appreciate the intention behind these kinds of posts, but could I please remind you that phrasing things as though there are certain things that are inherently romantic, or that platonic love is inherently less strong than romantic love, etc., is arophobic. I'm not saying this ship is invalid or anything, but please avoid "no platonic explanation"-type arguments when showing your enthusiasm for couples. It is indisputably arophobic. This is a polite reminder.
this is about homophobia
Zoned out for twenty min thinking about how I’d explain fortnite to an ancient Roman
....well? don't leave us hanging 👀
I’d open with its a painting but it moves. (It’s enchanted to move?) Uh, sure. (Witchcraft!) I am stoned. Let’s try again. I’d open with its many paintings put together in succession so it has the appearance of movement. Demonstrate by drawing a simple page flip animation of a fish swimming in the margin of a book. Okay. So this buff cat. You see the cat’s head on the muscular man’s body? (Is this an Egyptian god?) Uh, no. It’s just like, we don’t have that shit anymore. I mean, so much time has passed, its pretty much fallen out of the cultural milieu here. (Existential crisis. I get him some tea. He spits it out cuz he thinks it’s disgusting.) ok buddy. So. You good to keep going? Okay so. It’s many paintings in quick succession so it appears to move, and you control its movement. Not the whole painting. Just the cat. He moves around on this landscape. The point of controlling the cat’s movement is like the point of a war game. Loosely. (So you practice war? Sharp nod. War.) Uh, okay. So then, when you get your little man to kill someone, that’s good, right. (What is he doing now?) Oh he’s dancing. You can make him do a little dance after he kills someone. (It’s inappropriate to do a little dance after you take a man’s life.) Okay but it’s not actually — (it’s INNAPROPRIATE. I spit on this). He spits at my laptop.
Things Cleopatra VII Philopator did not do, an inexhaustive list:
Stick a gourd full of bees and call it a vibrator
Use crocodile excrement as a facial creme*
Bathe in nothing but donkey’s milk**
Dissolve a pearl in vinegar to make the world’s most expensive dressing***
*Although crocodile excrement was used as an ingredient in certain remedies, which is a far more interesting concept, but imagine giving that context **Donkey’s milk is another valid medicinal ingredient and really good for your skin, but Cleopatra was far more likely to add some milk to her regular water bath than she was to have an entire herd of donkeys milked every time she wanted a soak ***There are many jokes to be had about ancient Egypt and salad dressings but this is not the best one I don’t even like Cleopatra VII Philosoraptor but because of persistent bad historical practice/people still believing 2000 y/o propaganda I’m being forced in a position of having to defend her, this is a travesty
I hate that I apparently have to add “fuck a horse” to this list of things Cleopatra didn’t do, fuck this website
my ancient greek history professor is making us post memes weekly. i swear to god
heres one for you
my time has come for hyperspecific classics memes
I…I need context. I’m gonna research all this shit one day.. If I remember after work
I understand most of these!
the late republican polycule genuinely gives me a migraine like imagine you’re a greek tourist in town get invited to a dinner party and you’re like who’s those people over there and they’re like oh that’s clodius and his wife Fulvia and her boyfriend antony and Antony’s boyfriend curio, curio’s kind of in love with Fulvia and antony has a weird daddy thing for clodius who’s actually, did you know, a patrician who went and got himself adopted by a pleb so he could be elected to a pleb office, and that’s his sister clodia who’s seeing that poet catu– where are you going?
Outfit Idea--Hermes
obviously your cock is going to have to be out but thats how hermes would want it
I don't know if I've ever posted this or not.
But this is one of my fav of Lucian's dialogues.
why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead
this is the only kind of ace discourse i ever want to see on my dash. the only kind. ever again. good job
Do you think the sirens would be grateful that they finally get some variety?
“Oh my god we can finally just sing about pasta thank the fucking gods.”
I’m not asexual but I’m fairly certain sirens would do a far better job luring me into the depths with a song about pasta rather than sex…
I mean.
“WHAT THE FUCK STAY AWAY FROM THE ROCKS.”
“FUCKER THEY SAID THEY HAVE FETTUCCINE CARBONARA AND HOT GARLIC BREAD OVER THERE HANG ON BITCH.”
This is true; Odysseus heard them promising him knowledge of the future. So the next time you see artwork like this:
Remember those sultry naked chicks are saying “We’ll tell you the winning lotto numbers.”
Them: “We have unlimited wifi at incredible speeds~” Me: *diving headfirst into the water*
This post is a blessing
Congratulations! Odysseus! You’ve been selected as a winner for the free $1000 Amazon Gift Card, Apple iPhone X 256G or Samsung Galaxy S8! Claim your prize now!
Oh my god sirens were literally scam websites
Oh my god they were phishing
Sirens: we have beignets
Me: (visibly shaking) I know they are lying but what if
late republican romans as the mincing mockingbird guide to troubled birds
caesar
cicero
clodius pulcher
pompey
crassus
brutus
antony
When arguing with someone and they start insulting you, they’ve essentially quit the argument.
Didn’t Socrates say this?
he possibly could have, but because he left no written records, it’s hard to tell. a very large part of what we know about socrates comes from his student plato, through a series of dialogues, and though this quote never appears in those dialogues, it isn’t out of the realm of possibility for him to have said it. it does certainly sound like a belief he would hold!
achilles + patroklos sketchdump from the past couple of days bc we spent a few lectures in our death course talking about the iliad and i went kind of insane about it???
i’m never 100% set on the designs i pick for mythology art bc the characters themselves feel so mutable, but i do really love the idea of achilles being fairly androgynous and also having dark hair (mostly just bc i loved his portayal in iphigenia 1977) :)
some ancient gay greeks, red figure pottery and rainbow versions
🌈🌈 happy pride month!! 🌈🌈
glubit?
CAELI
lesbia NOSTRA
LESBIA ILLA
illa lesbia quam catullus™ unam
plus quam se atque suos A M A V I T omnes
nunc in quadriviis et angiportis
G L U B I T
magnanimi remi nepotes
how to make posca because fuck everything
step 1: first of all there’s no actual ancient recipe for this shit, which is good because it sucks. but you’re making this disgusting concoction of sour wine and stale water anyway because you want to spit in the face of god
step 2: get yourself about a cup and a half of water. heat that shit up unless you want to drink it with a solid glob of honey in it like some kind of animal
step 3: think on what you’ve done in your life that’s brought you so low that you’re actually making this swill. the world is falling apart around you and yet you’re standing here making a drink designed for roman soldiers to choke down foul, likely contaminated water. do you fancy yourself hadrian, refusing sweet honeyed wine in favor of looking like one of your soldiers? or is it a morbid curiosity about the day-to-day life of an ancient past that draws you to drink of its long-forgotten wells? time and nature have labored together to bring this opportunity to you, and yet you must wonder- is this really going to be worth it? is anything?
step 4: oh hey your water’s boiling
step 5: take that feisty lad off the heat and start stirring in a tablespoon of honey and 1-2 tablespoons of red wine vinegar, depending on how impious you’re feeling. oh god, is it supposed to smell that bad? don’t worry, it is
step 6: steel yourself to take your first taste as the stench of vinegar wafts around your nose. surely just one tiny little sip won’t be so bad….oh fuck, nevermind, this shit sucks!
step 7: contemplate dumping the whole thing down the drain, but ultimately refrain. after all, it was your own hubris that brought you to this point. now you must stand before the gods and face the consequences of your actions
classical greek and roman art is all very well-done and realistic but my favorite ancient artifacts are etruscan statuettes that look like somebody just decided to try and make the twinkest statue possible
absolutely nobody:
the etruscans
literally every single one of you is funnier than i can ever hope to be
We found who this dress is for
