Life, Love, Dreams

We all have hopes, fears and dreams. We all go through rough patches in our lives. Sometimes we don't have anyone to share our ups & downs with. I've found myself in this predicament and hope to use this outlet as a way to share my thoughts and feelings with others as well as to learn from others who are willing to share.

[house911md]

8 months

It's happening again.

I am counting days, weeks, and months since we last were a pair.

Since we last smiled together and meant it.

Since he said cute things to me. Asked how I am daily. Checked on me often. Showed me he cared.

Since we had deep conversations instead of the barely there "How are you?" texts just to make sure the other is still alive.

Since he called.

Since we shared secrets. Confided in each other.

Since he held me and reassured me that everything would be ok.

Since we went out in public together.

Since we held hands.

Since things were.... "normal"

The rollercoaster since has had it's ups and downs.

I thought the crying spells were over.

But they have come back to haunt me again tonight.

[archbudzar]

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[theprocast]

I do not believe that anyone who’s ever loved us can drift so far from us that we could not reach out and pull them back if we honestly tried. At some point we must accept at least partial responsibility for what has transpired by admitting to ourselves that we do not simply lose people… on some level we let them go. Perhaps it was too difficult or too painful to try… or maybe the relationship seemed too short-lived or too broken to salvage… No matter the reasons it all fell apart, people can still fall back into each others arms for a second try at love if the feelings are still there… But it is not simply a matter of wishing for another chance - we are given so many chances to win back the people we’ve loved and lost, if only we’d see those opportunities for what they really are. It’s not even a matter of crossing paths with them by pure chance or accidentally dialing their number because it’s still in your phone - every single day we wake up is another chance to track down somebody we still have feelings for and convince them to give it another shot. But the funny thing about chances is - you have to take the chance… and the sad part is that most people are too scared, too stubborn, too stupid or too hurt from the first time around to take the chances they are given. So do I believe that we are given a second chance at loving the same person twice? Yes. I believe we are given many. But I also believe that we usually screw them up.

Ranata Suzuki | Second Chances 

Facebook shareable quote available <HERE> on FeelMeForever.com

(via ranata-suzuki)

[soracities]

I see your face everywhere, wandering through it like rain and the drifting steam of streets. I wake at four in the morning and think of you doing ordinary things: hunting for your glasses that you can never find, taking the tube to work, buying wine at the supermarket. […] At seven—one in the morning London time—I call you, the familiar English tones becoming bleak after six rings. In case you are just coming through the door I let it ring another ten times, hoping that when you return you will be able to tell I have called, furniture and walls preserving a message there was no answering machine to receive: I miss you, I want you, I love you. Then I just let it ring.

Geoff Dyer, from “Blues for Vincent”, Otherwise Known as the Human Condition: Selected Essays and Reviews, 1989-2010 (via soracities)

[theprocast]

I have worn so many masks, I don’t know what my real face looks like anymore.

Ranata Suzuki   (via ranata-suzuki)

[wnq-writers]

I have often thought that the sum of who you are as a person and the state your life is in at any given moment is a lot like a long mathematical formula. The numbers in it are the key people and events that have shaped you as a person and the symbols represent how they affected you. Sometimes they will add to you and sometimes they will take away from you… Sometimes they divide you and other times they will multiply your happiness greatly… And so, the answer at the end of all that is the person you are and the value your life holds to you as of that moment… And just like in mathematics, that end result is the sum of all that came before it; all those people and events and the various ways they affected your life up until that point. If you were to look back and imagine changing any one of them – or even removing them from the equation altogether – you can see exactly how the remaining factors would have affected you and know just how different you would have been in the end… When I look at my life and its events laid out in order, I not only see the overwhelmingly positive affect that meeting you had on me as a person – I also notice something else… something quite profound. There was a point not long after you came into my life where I had a lot taken from me. It was a great loss and it reduced me to one of the lowest points in my life… And when I look back on it and I remove you from the equation; if I look at the value my life would have held at that point… I see that without you – it would have been nothing… And I guess what I’m trying to say in a very roundabout way is…. I think you saved my life.

Ranata Suzuki  (via wnq-writers)

Facebook shareable quote available <HERE> on FeelMeForever.com

(via ranata-suzuki)

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

Pain fought me without conquering me. I swallowed all my tears and was burned body and soul in that fire which fate had entrusted to me, alone, my burns still uncooled.

Rita Boumi-Pappas, tr. by Kimon Friar, from Modern Greek Poetry; “Data for an Identification Card,” (via violentwavesofemotion)

[creatingnikki]

The first boy - and the last - that liked me enough that he wanted to tell all his friends about me, brag about me even, was someone I met 10 years ago. He sang for me. I think once, he even wrote me a poem. He kinda became crazy about me. For years. And I had to keep blocking him and being rude to him because I was 13, and then 14 and 15, and he was the first guy I had phone erm make out session with? Because I can’t call it phone sex. I didn’t even know the technicalities of sex at 13. But he was older - 17, I think, and he found my voice sexy and my personality adorable, addictive actually, and I remember being at my friend’s house in the evening when her parents weren’t there. She was talking to her boyfriend in a room, and I in her room talking to this guy. And he spoke dirty in a very interesting way. I don’t remember the details, I mean it’s been a decade, but it felt like the only time I actually felt arousal through words. I remember my friend coming into the room and asking me what was wrong because I was breathing all weirdly. HA. Two 13 year olds - she and I - talking to older guys. That’s how we spent our evenings as children. I was conflicted because after every call I would feel like I did something wrong and something I didn’t want to. Sure, for the few minutes when talking to him it would feel … not good really but just different? Something I hadn’t felt before. But then why did it always feel so wrong after? Was it all his convincing? Was it all his pleading? Like it was something I had to do for him and not something that was mutually beneficial even though anything sexual should be? Was it because I was a child and I should have played barbie games online for a little longer than start talking to men online? I don’t know. But I do know this. Despite him being all shades of wrong - because I know at 17 I wouldn’t talk sexual to a 13 year old, that’s for sure - he wasn’t a bad guy. And for a while there he actually liked me. Because which other guy that I have met since has wanted to tell the whole world about my existence and how much it means to him? None. I know the whole declaring your love on social media is a little too blah but like who wouldn’t honestly want the Insta page of the person you’re dating to be filled with cute pictures of the two of you? And well, yours too. Who wouldn’t want a guy who would talk about you to his family and friends? Who wouldn’t want a guy who is so straight-forward and confident in his declaration of affection for you? Cos I’ve had many lovers since him and many have done many crazy things for me and with me and because of me but never something so simple, so explicit. Calling me yours when we’re alone is one thing. But can you call me yours when the whole world is listening?

I’m not sorry, AJN, that I ghosted you multiple times because I was a child but I do want to thank you for showing me that when a guy likes you, he will make sure you know it and doesn’t ever make you feel like that’s something to hide (via creatingnikki)

[theprocast]

There is nothing quite like the feeling of infatuation; It is the most painful feeling of ecstasy… like lust and obsession combined with the volume turned way up. It is nervous conversations and tingling skin… It is the flutter you feel in your chest whenever they enter a room that is so overwhelming, you almost forget to breathe… It is the heightening of your senses so that each one can reach out and take in even the smallest stimulus… It is seeing without looking directly… It is reaching without touching… It is the outward illusion of restraint on the surface whilst being helplessly out of control on the inside. It is like the most exhilarating form of temporary insanity where you swing from one extreme to another… It is a magnifying glass on the most minute signals and gestures and every little mistake you make or thing you do wrong feels so enormous that it inevitably makes you more self-conscious and embarrassed than you were as a teenager! But then they smile and it’s like the sun has come out and in that instant you forget everything… including your own name. Its sounds terrifying – and it is… but it is also the kind of thrill that is terrifyingly addictive… and impossible to forget

Ranata Suzuki | Infatuation 

Facebook shareable quote available <HERE> on FeelMeForever.com

(via ranata-suzuki)

[movemequotes]

Zooming out helps us to think more in the long term and recognize patterns so we don’t overreact in the short term. Life isn’t what happens to us; it’s how we deal with it, and how we deal with it always depends on the perspectives we can find. Zooming out helps us realize that the story is still playing out, and we shouldn’t rush to any conclusions.

Humble the Poet, Things No One Else Can Teach Us (Page 140)

[wnq-writers]

You were a road stop on my journey… that’s what I keep telling myself. Some out of the way oasis I stumbled upon at a point in my life I was so tired, I honestly didn’t want to go on any more. You felt like an adventure, yet you felt like home. Every new aspect of you I uncovered felt intriguing yet familiar, like I had explored you before in some long forgotten dream. You were a place I could have stayed forever…. a place I didn’t want to leave behind. A place I will always be grateful for, who’s name I will never forget and that I will search for in my travels for the rest of my days whilst knowing in my heart I will never find again. You were a road stop on my journey… that’s what I keep telling myself…. I just wish you’d been the destination.

Ranata Suzuki  (via wnq-writers)

[wnq-writers]

Time does not heal all wounds… not when it comes to you and me. With us – time is the dagger and distance is the wound… The more time that goes by, the more distance there is between us and the deeper I am hurt. Time cannot help me – time is the enemy. Time takes our memories away and with every passing moment it encourages you to move forward without me. Time left me behind. It abandoned me… it moved on without me like you did… So no, time doesn’t heal all wounds… In fact, sometimes it cuts you deeper…

Ranata Suzuki  (via wnq-writers)

Facebook shareable quote available <HERE> on FeelMeForever.com

(via ranata-suzuki)

[theprocast]

Remorse and sorrow sit close to one another on the emotional spectrum - so it’s easy to confuse the two. And often when I think of us, I think I’m feeling remorse … for things left unsaid, or something ‘more’ I could have done…. But in truth, there was nothing ‘more’. I loved you with all of my heart and I made that abundantly clear. I could not have loved another person on this earth more than I loved you and I showed you in every way humanly possible. So I force myself to let go of the guilt, to stop blaming myself…. I remind myself that what I’m feeling is sorrow – not remorse. It just feels incomplete because you’re gone but the feelings aren’t.

Ranata Suzuki (via ranata-suzuki)

My life in a nutshell.

[ranata-suzuki]

I raised you so high that every other man on earth is now doomed to live in your shadow.

Ranata Suzuki (via ranata-suzuki)

[ranata-suzuki]

Why do we do this to ourselves? Love so deep that it crushes our chest till we can hardly breathe. Why do we hold on so tightly to the very thing that pulls us under?

Ranata Suzuki - You were always my rock  (via ranata-suzuki)

[wnq-writers]

There is well-known saying that if you love something, you should set it free and if it truly belongs to you it will return to you one day. But if you’ve ever found yourself in that situation and your love did not return, then you must let go of your sadness and move forward. Letting them leave and move on with their life is the gift you gave to them. Letting them go and moving on with your life is a gift you give to yourself.

Ranata Suzuki (via wnq-writers)

[ranata-suzuki]

Thank you. For never forgetting me. For always finding an excuse to remind me that you care about me. For making me feel special. Thank you for everything you do, and everything that you are

Ranata Suzuki  (via ranata-suzuki)