It’s funny how one little decision can decide so much.

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Today's Document

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Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
YOU ARE THE REASON

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@how-can-life-be
It’s funny how one little decision can decide so much.
The quiet has become unbearable. I need noise constantly; something to drown out the never ending pain that is drowning my every breath.
Generation Z is “TOO YOUNG”
you say i am too young
too young to be a feminist
too young to know my own sexuality
too young to be depressed
too young to hate
too young to protest
too young to be an activist
too young
too stupid
too naive
and you are right
i am too young
too young to be scared of bullets ricocheting through my school, embedding themselves into my fellow classmates and having to watch as the life from my best friends once bright and hopeful eyes flickers out, knowing i will never be able to apologies for that stupid fight we were having, knowing i will never be able to laugh, smile, or talk with her again, knowing i will never be able to hug her again, knowing i will never be able to tell her i love her one last time
too young to be scared of being raped by a man while i walk down the street in my school uniform because i can feel his eyes watching me and i should have waited for someone to walk with me, i should have waited for jacky to have finished her test so we could walk together because now if something happens to me it’s my fault but i just wanted to go home to get ahead on schoolwork
too young to be scared of finding my friend dead in a sticky pool of her own crimson blood because slitting her wrists and watching the blood flow was better than living or finding her body cold and lifeless on the bathroom floor with candy colored pills scattered around her and stuffed down her throat because she’d rather go out in a loopy daze than try to withstand and fight the torment and i couldn’t make it in time to stop her
too young to be scared of seeing a familiar face on the news because jordan was black and looked older than his actual age and the white middle aged cop shot in “self defense” even though jordan was unarmed and innocent or because elias was muslim and was carrying a “suspiscous” bag and was shot and later died because the police officers thought he was a “terrorist” when elias just wanted to get home to his mom and little sister with a jewelry box to give them, which now sits in peices on the concrete floor
too young to be scared of finding my lgbt friends killled, abandoned, or sent off to a conversion camp because all they wanted was love and acceptance but instead they found hate and rejection because they were “disgusting sinners” who were just “confused” and katy is finally back from camp but she doesn’t even remember my damn name
too young to be sobbing with such lose and grief over people so dear to me who were killed and died too young because no one would help them because all of their cries were “fake” because they were too young to know “real” pain
too young to be scarred, bruised, bloody and beaten by a war i did not start or choose to fight in
you say i am too young
and you are not wrong
i am too young
too young for
H O M O P H O B I A
R A C I S M
S E X I S M
R A P E
S E L F H A R M
S U I C I D E
G U N V I O L E N C E
and
S C H O O L S H O O T I N G S
to be normal to me
i should not be so desensitized by this violent reality
so yes, i am too young
but you cannot blame me
for my hyper awareness of our reality
my generation was born with information at our fingertips
and we have been told to sit still and be quiet
because the adults were talking
but you had your chance
it is now our turn to speak
and our turn to fight
because our rage is pure fire
and with every ragged breath we take
our lungs get more shredded by all of the hate and misery
that is ingrained so deeply in our society
you say we are “too sensitive”
because we are “hormonal teenagers who cannot control our emotions”
and therefore we “cannot have opinions”
but you can no longer invalidate our claims as we yell for change
because the DEATH of our classmates
and the BLOOD of our friends
has paved the path for this revolution
your generation may have won battles
but my generation will be the one to win the war
my generation will be the one to instill change and bring peace
because we grew up in a hating world spiraling into darkness and death
and dying was never our biggest fear
watching the world burn around us was expected
but we fully intend to repair the damage you all have so carelessly done
>>we are generation z and we will be the ones to rise from the ashes<<
3/31/18
started: 2:31 a.m.
finished: 3:49 a.m.
Whoever wrote this I thank you so much and I will be leaving this alongside my coming out letter to my parents when I finally get out of this hell hole. You speak the truth and speak it well.
I was as tiny dust particles settle onto the wood of the desk long forgotten in this house. The sun beams in through the window, warming my face. I feel both complete and completely numb. I feel nothing and yet everything has never been so right. Anything is possible but at the same time there are no possiblities I yearn for. I’ve never felt so....ordinary.
Expectations set you up for disappointment
change does not come from a place of comfort
“Best Friend”
A betrayal so deep I never saw it coming. Never even imagined it would be a possibility. I trusted you so blindly for so long. It was supposed to us against the world. And instead you took the world and turned it against me.
A glance
All it took was one glance from across the room and my heart instantly became yours and you’ll never know that.
I imagine my blood dripping onto a piece of paper yellowed with age; an image so serene and divine.
You’re taste leaves a bitter aftertaste. In the moment, you’re all consuming; my only reason. But after, I remember you. Every time you hurt me. Every time you told me I wasn’t enough. And yet I come back time and time again out of love. I love you.
A sad but true realization.
I’ve realized that no matter how much I may want someone-need someone… they might not need me. That terrifies me beyond belief; the thought that you could mean everything to me, and yet you can still treat me like I was never anything to begin with.
Fake friends
What are you supposed to do when your whole world is crashing around you and the one person you could always count on is the one who broke you?
I believe we are all poets at heart. We just have to go through something that will compel us to put our thoughts into words
3 am thoughts (via suspend)
Heartbreak.
I believe that there are different kinds of heartbreaks. There’s each new love that leaves you emptier than before and feeling worthless. There’s the shame and pain of a parent turning their back on you. And the last is someone you thought would always be there. Your best friend, someone so close the thought of losing them never crossed your mind. But when they do, they also take a piece of you with them and leave you feeling numb. Leave you feeling dead.
I miss us.
I miss waking up to your soft snore and sleepy eyes. I miss making coffee and sharing caffeine filled kisses and the hazy sun rose. I miss staying home and doing nothing. I miss napping on that old couch. I miss everything that I no longer have-I miss you.
There’s a difference.
There is a huge difference between want and need, you made me blur the line between the two. I was tiptoeing a line I didn’t know existed. Hanging on every word you said, every step you took. It took you leaving me to realize that no matter how much I want you... I don’t need you.