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[howdoiforgetyou]

“Why was moving on so easy for you? How do you look in the mirror without seeing the part of me that carved you into who you are?”

[howdoiforgetyou]

Clawing at my chest trying to figure out how we got here. Sitting alone, surrounded by our memories, but ghosts of who we were.

[howdoiforgetyou]

“I’m free,” she whispered, with blood soaked wings and a knife in her hand, “I’m free.”

[howdoiforgetyou]

Now, I wait

I was never the type of person to doubt myself. Never the type to think twice before making a decision, big or small. I was sure. Not only of myself and my choices, but of who I was, who I wanted to be. I didn’t need someone to hold my hand, or tell me how to act. I knew. I knew it all. 

At twenty-two, that seems laughable. The notion that I was so sure of myself. But I had been through hell and back. I had laughed in the face of my demons and cried at my greatest achievements. 

I thought the wait was over. The storm had passed. I had faced my biggest challenges.

Until you. I don’t know how you did it to this day. I don’t know how you managed to re-tangle my learnings, cross my wires and take a hammer to my beliefs. But god, you did. 

You did it all so effortlessly. 

Everything I had built came crumbling down and you were there with the same look on your face from the day I met you. Untouched, unmoved, unbothered. 

I wonder now if I should have waited even then. Thought twice before I opened myself up to you. If I should have held strong until I knew I could trust you, before you could undo everything.

I guess it doesn’t matter anymore, because I didn’t wait.

And that confident, no-doubt-in-her-mind girl- was gone. 

Now, I wait. 

Now I pause before I cross the street. Even when the light turns green and everyone else is moving. I stay still. I wait. Wait for the punchline, wait for the deceit, wait for something to let me know that this is not what it seems. Wait in trepidation for what is to come all from the consequences of knowing you. 

Now, I wait. 

Never trusting, never fully knowing, never letting another person close enough.

Now, I wait.

[howdoiforgetyou]

I can hear the whispers about how I’ve changed. It’s funny to me. I guess this means they never heard my screams.

[howdoiforgetyou]

“Sometimes I look back at moments in my life and realise that they weren’t normal moments. What they did to me, what happened to me- it wasn’t normal. It was fucked up. Traumatising. It was the beginning of the end, and I didn’t know it yet.”

[howdoiforgetyou]

“I’m terrified. I have so many questions screaming in my mind. Taunting me. Singing their songs. They’re plaguing my thoughts and causing doubts in every corner. But it is not the questions that I am scared of- it is the answers. I am terrified of the truth.”

[howdoiforgetyou]

[howdoiforgetyou]

I loved him. And so, I let him destroy me.

[love]

via weheartit

[howdoiforgetyou]

“It’s ok to be vulnerable with someone. It’s a reminder that at some point in the past you were hurt, but you’re still here. Alive, and surviving.”

[howdoiforgetyou]

“The hesitation will be quiet. It will come when you least expect it. It will rise from the depths of your aching soul and settle in your heart as three words.

I deserve better.”

Courtney Peppernell

[howdoiforgetyou]

“I’d rather be feared then loved. It hurts less.”

[howdoiforgetyou]

“She was fire and ice. He feared the cold, and craved the burn.”

[howdoiforgetyou]

No. N-O. Two letters. One word. An exclamation. A vivid image. A strong tone. It’s simple, yet why can’t you understand it? Why didn’t you stop?

[howdoiforgetyou]

Sometimes I wonder what would happen if I was granted a wish between the choice to live or to die. Would I wish to end all my pain? Or would I wish for things to get better?

[howdoiforgetyou]

“They all treat me like shit and no one listens to me. My opinions and my emotions mean nothing to them. Watch them be surprised one day when I kill myself.”