...okay so we can all agree that shadow milk has feelings for pure vanilla right?
i thought it was obvious since episode 7 that shadow milk doesn't hate pure vanilla. if he did and only cared about the soul jam, he would have killed pure vanilla or caused his death in some way. no, instead, he kept him to play around with him, and offered him a home in the spire, which is literally said to be unusual by candy apple and black sapphire (the two characters who are technically closest to him) so pure vanilla is a special case.
he's also notably happier interacting with pure vanilla than he is the other deceitful trio (based on the story & kingdom interactions)
to the point where this update gave us this very ugly but very elated sprite from shadow milk used exclusively when he's with pure vanilla
because apparently shadow milk has been bored all the time without pure vanilla!! he's been bored so much that black sapphire can TELL when he's bored, and keep in mind, shadow milk is someone who masks his true emotions ALL THE TIME
of course, shadow milk's goal was to watch pure vanilla fall to deceit—but that's very clearly rooted in his desire to finally have someone who understands him.
the moment pure vanilla accepts deceit, and vows to spend eternity with shadow milk, shadow milk is immediately excited and happy, and they merge souls. shadow milk accepts pure vanilla as a part of him just like how he wanted pure vanilla to accept him.
(note that he says "us" and not "me". he fully intends to work with pv as partners lol)
and when pure vanilla finally awakens and reveals it was all a trick, shadow milk is CRUSHED. he calls pure vanilla a traitor, because he thought pure vanilla would actually join his side.
all this reads like he really, really wanted pure vanilla on his side. again, all of the toying with him to make him fall to deceit, and telling pure vanilla he understands, he's been there, so it's time for pure vanilla to accept his fate.
but, of course shadow milk is an extremely contradictory person; even though he wanted pure vanilla to understand him, he didn't ACTUALLY want pure vanilla to understand him. because when pure vanilla feels his loneliness and calls him out on it, shadow milk can't admit it, to himself or to pure vanilla. he can't admit that he longs for pure vanilla's company.
and pure vanilla longs for his company too! he accepts shadow milk and his deceit, and wants shadow milk to accept him too. it's a complete reversal of what shadow milk wanted to happen.
pure vanilla stretches his hand out to shadow milk, a peace offering, an offer for them to develop a relationship other than that of enemies.
and shadow milk HESITATES.
HE FUCKING HESITATES. i can't understate how crazy it is that shadow milk, for a split second, could have actually considered pure vanilla's proposal. the guy that has been shown to be nothing but ruthless and without morals Hesitates when pure vanilla asks to be his friend.
BECAUSE HE FUCKING WANTS TO BE PURE VANILLA'S FRIEND
HE WANTS HIS COMPANY!!! HE WANTS TO PLAY GAMES WITH HIM!!! HE WANTS TO BE BY PURE VANILLA'S SIDE SO BADLY
BUT HE CAN'T EMBRACE TRUTH THE WAY PURE VANILLA EMBRACES DECEIT. HE CAN'T STOP LYING TO HIMSELF AND EVERYONE AROUND HIM THAT HE DOESN'T WANT THIS AND THAT HE'S NOT LONELY, THAT HE HAS EVERYTHING HE EVER WANTED, THAT HE'S HAPPY.
HE'S NOT HAPPY!!!!!
HE'S NOT HAPPY WITHOUT PURE VANILLA BY HIS SIDE AND HE'S JUST NOW REALIZING IT!!!! AND NOW HE HAS TO PUSH HIM AWAY INSTEAD OF BEING HONEST!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sorry in advance for the essay op, but there's also something sooo interesting about one of the earlier cutscenes - the 3 card tarot draws for the past, present, and future. its so fucking-
this. this is what pure vanilla drew when shadow milk shuffled the cards for him - The Magician (reversed), The Fool (reversed), and The Hanged Man (upright).
like holy shit.
The Magician (Reversed) in Past: "You have been cautious and careful about being deceived." (link)
The Fool (Reversed) in Present: "You are stuck right now, unsure where to go, but something new is coming whether you like it or not." (link)
The Hanged Man (Upright) in Future: "You will walk away or change your perspective; you can do this, just trust in yourself and you'll make the right choice." (link)
interpretations mine, but LIKE. FUCK??? that's the STORY.
but wait a minute, because there's MORE. because pure vanilla shuffled the cards for shadow milk, and this... THIS.
THIS is what shadow milk drew. The Devil (upright), Death (upright), and Judgement (upright).
oh my fucking god.
The Devil (Upright) in Past: "You have been trapped by machinations of your own design, and you don't know how to make it stop. You have been obsessive and secretive, and it hasn't helped you." (link)
Death (Upright) in Present: "You are transforming, death of the old bringing in the new, and with it, a new life. It is a new chance for you, so embrace the change as a fresh start. Let go of the past so you can step forward into a better future." (link)
Judgement (Upright) in Future: "You will be judged and you will judge too harshly. You will need to evaluate yourself. You will need to let go so you can heal, and you will need to make amends for your past misdeeds. Alternatively, you will have achieved a level of clarity which will aid you in making decisions going forward; if you have been honest, matters will be resolved in your favor. If you haven't, they won't." This Major Arcana card can also signify being separated from someone you love by an ocean or sea. You can expect to be reunited with them soon when it appears. It can also indicate homesickness. (link)
interpretations mine (except for the smalltext, thats a direct copy/paste). i cant even fucking SPEAK. if i say a word i will cease to become a person i will just fucking combust and die (positive).
but then, there's a third draw - the one black sapphire and candy apple give him. the one he rejects. The Wheel of Fortune (upright), The Emperor (upright), and The Empress (upright).
first of all, candy apple is so fucking funny for this. anyways
Wheel of Fortune (Upright) in Past: "You have experienced grand changes that have led to great luck and destiny." (link)
The Emperor (Upright) in Present: "You are powerful, grounded, stable, and are making your dreams into reality." (link)
The Empress (Upright) in Future: "You will embrace your softer side, fostering the creativity and passions of others, and you may even find love or start a family." (link)
she was SO funny for this. anyways, interpretations mine, this is a fantastic tarot spread to get. if you get this spread you have clearly done something to gain favor with the universe.
but shadow milk rejects this. he REJECTS IT. he instead favors the spread pure vanilla shuffled for him, and it baffles the fuck out of his minions. why would anyone in their right mind reject a spread like that, hello?
but he rejected it because pure vanilla's shuffle for him was... the truth. the devil card, he knew was true. the death card, he knew was true. the judgement card? he believes that he will make the right decision, that he will have changed enough to overcome his past trials and make the correct decision in embracing pure vanilla. that's why he rejected it. he was so sure that he would get the better meaning from the judgement card.
but he wasn't honest with himself or his true feelings... so. judgement went the other way for him, the way he didn't think it was going to go.
he was wrong, and pure vanilla tricked him. pure vanilla betrayed him. he trusted pure vanilla and got the rug pulled out from under him. how can he bring himself to trust that it won't happen again? (that's his devil card working in play).
that's why he can't bring himself to accept pure vanilla's proposal. he judges pure vanilla too harshly. he doesn't get what he wants and it's all his own fault and he knows it's all his own fault, because he judges pure vanilla too harshly and can't bring himself to trust that pure vanilla really means it when he asks shadow milk to stay with him.
