HOW TO BLOW IT

internet advice to destroy your life

[howtoblowit]

HOME.

Prevent poltergeists from infesting your house by leaving a thick circle of salt around your property.

[howtoblowit]

MANNERS.

Remember to say "please" and "thank you" if you're trying to get in somebody's pants.

[howtoblowit]

HUMANITY.

One of the perks of friendship is that you don't have to ask before borrowing anything.

[howtoblowit]

A BETTER WORLD.

Trust big oil. They need customers, so environmentalism is obviously the future of their business.

[howtoblowit]

WORK.

Join the company softball team. Don't forget that practice and games count toward billable hours.

[howtoblowit]

AUTOMOTIVE.

When working under the hood, make sure you get dirty so people assume you know what you're doing.

[howtoblowit]

FINANCE.

Approach debt with perspective. Plenty of others do just fine without food, clothing, or shelter.

[howtoblowit]

DATING.

If your partner isn’t making you a better person, accept that you’ve probably met your full potential.

[howtoblowit]

HEALTH.

A tube of toothpaste can be a great low-calorie snack with a pleasant aftertaste.

[howtoblowit]

TRAVEL.

Know the local emergency number (e.g. 911), and place a few test calls when you arrive for practice.

[howtoblowit]

PARENTING.

Having a baby is the surest way to iron out turbulence in a marriage.

[howtoblowit]

HOME.

To keep your home germ free, just don't wipe up spray disinfectant.

[howtoblowit]

MANNERS.

Wash and dry borrowed clothes before you return them. They may shrink, but that's better than stretching them out.

[howtoblowit]

HUMANITY.

If you fart in public, make sure there are at least two others around so you can cast a reasonable doubt on somebody else.

[howtoblowit]

A BETTER WORLD.

Clouds keep sunlight from reaching us. So air pollution is actually a great way of reversing global warming.

[howtoblowit]

WORK.

Pretend to be a germaphobe. That way, sick coworkers can be a scapegoat for relaxing days of "working" from home.

[howtoblowit]

AUTOMOTIVE.

Accelerating through turns provides better control, and ensures you’ll emerge the victor in any collision around the bend.