i am a very source attached ame/k-angel fictive (nso) … please treat me as my source, as i am ame-chan. jiraiblr + yanblr + new to editblr. people outside of these communities are welcome to interact!
likes: musicals, heathers, needy streamer overload, attention, ddlc, danganronpa, nintendo games, vocaloid, will wood, stardew valley, the outlast trials, undertale, project sekai, wobbledogs, maretu.
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banner by @jirai-ena . graphics by @ny4n--s0d4 . pfp by @jirai-jayce . the rest is by me.
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tag system . . .
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀chat & chill⠀⠀♡ : casual posts
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀breakdown stream⠀⠀♡ : breakdown/vent posts
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀angel explains⠀⠀♡ : answered asks/anons
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀k-angel tries stuff⠀⠀♡ : trying new things!
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀let’s play⠀⠀♡ : talking about gaming/future streams
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀nerd talk⠀⠀♡ : ramblings and nerdy rants
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀sponsorships⠀⠀♡ : shout-outs to other blogs!
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀conspiracy theories⠀⠀♡ : used for when i am mentally not there as per typical for one reason or another
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀netlore⠀⠀♡ : talking about online trends and past events in my life
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀asmr ⠀⠀♡ : spreading words of comfort to my fans!
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀sxy stream⠀⠀♡ : yanblr posting
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀internet angel⠀⠀♡ : used for when i hit follower milestones/goals!
⟡⠀⠀﹒﹒⠀⠀angel shares⠀⠀♡ : when sharing editblr content
Idk why I said that but it feels funny so I'm keeping it
I'm curious, how do you differentiate what symptoms come from what disorder?
I know that they obviously have different symptoms but like with DID and BPD for example there's an overlap with the unstable sense of self,
That's just the first example that came into my head but yea
-Rho and Quinn
Unfortunately I have a lot of trouble with that myself. When you have as many disorders as I have, it’s very hard. The only reason I personally say I have so many is because professionals have told me I have all of these. Not saying self-diagnosing this many is wrong, it’s just something personal.
Do NOT be my friend if you’re going to get mad at me for telling you the same thing multiple times or for needing you to repeat things. I have DID with heavy amnesia… what do you expect 💔
What's your personal experience with DPD? We've been questioning it for some time and are hoping to relate 😅
Not saying this to peer diagnose you, but we are unable to make emotional/social situations without the guidance of others. We are unable to make or leave friends without asking people we are close with first. We are unable to choose specifics or control the group when making plans. We are very passive and apologize a lot and always feel we’ve done something wrong or people are mad at us. It conflicts weirdly with our HPD, and we are likely much more outgoing than many individuals with DPD.
We are also fortunate in the way that we can get many non-social things done on our own. Though we don’t feel capable enough to drive, we can often do stuff like school work, even if it’s difficult and we rely heavily on support.
It comes from a feeling of us being “less-than” or less capable than others, as well as the desire to be seen that way so others will help and take care of us.
My main issues lie with safety and memory. Starting with memory, many of my parts have high amnesia between each other. We’ll forget people we’ve met, how to do assignments in school, conversations we’ve had, etc. We have to do the best we can to make it by with little memory of most things we’ve done.
Adding onto that, I can’t remember almost anything from my childhood within the ages my trauma took place, which is about 5-8 and 14. I have to cope with the fact I can’t remember a ton of my life, which makes me feel inhuman and empty.
We have many persecutors and trauma holders, two being some of our hosts (Ame and Marvin) who often put us in physical danger due to severe CPTSD/PD symptoms and flashbacks. We cannot control switches, so we have to do our best to manage and control what we can to avoid situations where our life may be at risk.
What was it like when you first realized you had DID??
My therapist spotted it extremely young, and I was very lucky for that. She told me. I believe I was 13. Ever since I’ve been treated for it in therapy. I was extremely shocked even though I suspected it being a possibility for a bit prior. I thought I was too young to know. Apparently things like that can happen. A point I’d like to add is that under no circumstances should people get frightened or upset if they can’t immediately understand their parts. It takes time, often years, especially with high amnesia barriers. Don’t give up. You’ve got this.
whats having bipolar like when its mixed with your other disorders,, specficicslly bpd? we have suspicions of many disorders but are scared to try and get them diagnosed because so many things could be confused for other things yk,,
Hmm, it’s really complicated. When we are manic, our other symptoms tend to feel more intense and flared up due to how being manic makes our brain hard to relax, and also often puts us in psychosis.
The way the doctors found out I also was bipolar was actually because I only show MAJOR psychotic symptoms when manic, as long as my sleep patterns being messed up
Impulsivity is a real struggle during manic episodes, as it’s already a huge issue with our BPD and HPD. Last episode we had, we texted our abuser after months of no contact and got seriously hurt during an attempt
every time i see you like one of my posts i freak the fuck out bc OMG ??????? woah cool person alert cool person alert
I think it’s so funny people on here think so highly of me because when I’m offline half of the time I’m having a meltdown and flailing on the ground like an angry toddler. THIS is y’all’s jirai idol btw (I LOVE YOU ALL SM AND APPRECIATE ALL OF THE LOVE. I LOVE ALL OF JIRAIBLR BACK)
We were mainly asking what it's like living with BPD
Oh, in that case, it’s very up and down. On a daily basis, I will have times that I feel on top of the world, but I’ll also have periods where I feel like everyone hates me and I want to disappear. Everything sets me off in one way or another. I can never feel neutrally towards anything and I can almost never hide my emotions. I’ve been hospitalized about seven times for sui ideation or attempts, one being long-term, starting when I was eleven.
hey hdpamechan!! uhh is my first time asking you something.
do you think is ok that undiagnosed people (like me) can be Jirai?
because I think I might have depression, hypersexuality and ADHD
thanks you!
—Dynamite
Absolutely! In my opinion, it isn’t a diagnosis or a specific disorder that makes you jirai,, it’s the fact that you’re explosive and struggle in any way. I am a firm believer that you don’t need any specific disorders to belong in the community
I feel like I’m in a constant loop of wanting to live my life, but it being interrupted by the need to get attention from people. If I don’t have it, I become upset and sometimes even suicidal. The longer I wait to satisfy the almost constant need, the more I need to satisfy it. I often drive people away because I act impulsively and sometimes wrongly to get the supply I need