So Far Away - Kim Seokjin (imagine)
✦ Genre: fluff (little bit) , angst
✦ Summary: He ended up in the hospital in a coma. His best friend was always by his side telling him how her day went and telling him memories of the two of them and how she felt. She didn’t realize that even though he was in a coma he could hear everything she was saying.
‘‘Today was nothing different. You weren’t by my side, like usual. Everyone was asking about you again. How you are? A few weeks ago i said you were doing okay, but now I’m not so sure anymore. You should have been awake by now. The doctor said that you were lucky to be alive, yes, but he also said that you were supposed to wake up after three weeks or so. It’s been almost two months Jin. I can’t do this any longer without you. I miss you, please just come back to me.’’
He wants to wake up so bad but no matter how hard he tries he can’t open his eyes. He wants to close hold your hand like you’re holding his but he can’t move his fingers. He wants to say that he is okay, that he’s still alive, but he can’t make any sound. He feels trapped in his own body and he doesn’t know what to do. He should have been more careful when he crossed the street. He heard the car before he saw it and when he wanted to take a step back it was too late. He got hit and hit his head on the ground. He should have been dead, he knows that and even he finds it strange that he isn’t.
He wants to tell you so badly that he misses you too but he just can’t open his mouth and say it. It frustrates him so much that he can’t tell you. He doesn’t understand why he isn’t waking up because he feels fine but apparently something is holding him back but he just doesn’t know what.
You look down at your hand holding his and sigh. You would give everything for him to wake up. You just want your best friend back. You want the person you love the most back. He’s always been there for you and after a while you started to develop feelings for him which wasn’t easy cause you knew he would never feel the same way for you.
‘‘I’m sorry miss but visiting hours are over.’‘
You nod at the nurse and look at Jin one more time before you stand up and walk out of the room. This is always the hardest part. Leaving him when visiting hours are over. What if he wakes up and you’re not there?
‘‘Hey Jin, I’m back. I had a question. And of course I know you’re not gonna answer it since... well anyway. I was wondering if you remember that day when we went to the carnival and you were terrified to go on the ferris wheel? You told me you’ve never been in one before and you were scared but you still went with me cause you didn’t want me to go alone. The whole ride you were holding my arm so tightly. Even when I told you nothing would happen, you wouldn’t let me go. I didn’t mind though. I only hoped you wouldn’t see my blushing face or feel my heartbeat. Anyway, that was one of the best days of my life. We did a lot of fun things that day and we should do it again when you’re out of the hospital. So please wake up soon. I honestly don’t know what to do without you anymore. I don’t sleep anymore, afraid that maybe you’ll never wake up. After school I immediately go here. I think I’m starting to worry my parents. Every night when I come home they tell me that what I’m doing isn’t good for me and that I should come home after school for at least once. I’ve tried that, multiple times but every time I turn around and walk to the hospital. I know it’s not good for me but I can’t leave you on your own. You shouldn’t be on your own. And you never will be because I will always be here, right by your side.’’
He does remember that day. That day was the worst day of his life. He didn’t want you to know that he was scared of the ferris wheel but he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut. And he didn’t only say that he was scared, he kept clinging on your arm the whole time and after it was over he was embarrassed. He has always wanted to make you feel like he isn’t afraid of anything and that he can always protect you cause he’s strong. But instead he came forward as a coward and he hated himself for it.
He has always hoped that you forgot about it but when he just heard you say that you didn’t he wanted to hit himself. He’s certain that you will never forget about it and it makes him feel horrible. He doesn’t know that you completely think otherwise.
You thought he was brave. He told you he was scared, but he still went with you even though he was about to shit his pants. That warmed your heart. You still think he is brave. He’s still fighting. A lot of people would have given up fighting and wouldn’t have opened their eyes again. But you know that he’s a fighter and that he will open his eyes. And when he does that you will be there.
‘‘I got in a fight with my parents today. I gave up trying to come home straight after school and last night they just kinda snapped. They told me that if i didn’t come home after school today that they would pick me up from school every day. Honestly, i can’t believe that they would do that. They know how much you mean to me and what you being here does to me. They just can’t do that me!’’
‘‘I’m sorry to ask miss but could you keep your voice down a little bit? Other patients are sleeping at the moment,’‘ the nurse says.
You look at her with a little smile and nod.
Those other patients are lucky to just be sleeping. They wake up in the morning. You don’t know if Jin will wake up in the morning. A part of you hopes he does but a part of you also hopes that he’ll wait until you’re there.
‘’I almost forgot to tell you that the boys miss you. Hoseok hasn’t been the same without you there. He’s not smiling that much but I guess we all aren’t. We’re all not the same without you. I just hope that whatever is going on it that head of yours, you can hear me and that you will continue fighting until you can’t anymore. I won’t blame you if you give up. Of course it would ruin my life if you would be out of it and I would be broken. But you’ve been fighting for a bit more then two months now and that’s a long time. So if you can’t do it any longer then I’m not gonna force you to stay. Just know that, and I wish I could have said this when you’re awake but I don’t know if you’ll wake up again and I don’t know if I would have the balls to say it, but I love you Kim Seokjin.’’
At this moment he was trying to even fight harder to open his eyes. He didn’t have to look at you or ask you if you meant it in another way than just friends cause he could hear it in your voice. All he wants right now is to say it back.
‘‘How are you doing Y/N?’‘
You look at Jimin and try to smile. He’s always looking out for everyone and you appreciate it but you know that even though he isn’t showing it, he isn’t okay himself.
‘‘I want to say that I’m fine but we all know that I would be lying. I haven’t seen him for two days. My parents won’t let me out of the house. I even wanted to sneak out out through the window yesterday but my dad caught me. I don’t know how he’s doing and it breaks me.’‘
Jimin sits down next to you and takes your hand. You put your head on his shoulder and close your eyes. You and Jimin always have been great friends ever since Jin introduced you to his group. You’re good friends with all of them but when something is wrong Jimin is usually the first one to know, after Jin of course.
With your eyes closed you can feel how tired you actually are. You’ve been getting used to not getting that much sleep lately and it didn’t bother you anymore. Of course you were tired but you always tried to keep yourself busy or you were always worrying too much to even acknowledge it.
‘‘Maybe you should stop fighting your parents so much. Just talk to them. Tell them how much Jin means to you and that you want to be there when he wakes up. Maybe they’ll let you go.’‘
You always love Jimin’s advice but you know that talking to your parents isn’t gonna change anything. They already know how much he means to you but they want you to be okay and they think keeping you locked up is the best way to do that.
‘‘Jimin? We’ve talked about me, but how are you?’‘ you ask him while taking your head off his shoulder and looking at him. He looks at you and gives you a tiny smile.
‘‘I’ve been okay.’‘
‘‘Don’t lie to me.’‘
He sighs and looks down at his hands. Out of nowhere he starts to cry. You knew he was bottling it all up, you were just waiting for him to let it all out one day. You hug him and feel a few tears slip out of your own eyes as well. You can’t handle seeing Jimin so sad.
You just pray to god that Jin walks through that door and everything is fine. But he never does.
‘‘I’m so sorry that it took me three days to come back. I tried everything to come back earlier. I even tried to sneak out but you can probably guess... I failed. I hope you’re not mad at me. I talked to Jimin this morning. He broke down, I knew he would one day. You know how he is. He’s literally an angel, he takes care of everyone... but himself. I haven’t spoken to the rest of the guys but they know that nothing really changed.
I’ve been thinking about moving out and finding my own place, close to the hospital if possible. I’m almost 18 now and almost done with school so maybe it is time for me to find a place for myself. I know we always talked about moving into an appartement together, but I can’t wait any longer. And I mean, if you wake up you can always move in.’’
You just realized that you said if and not when. You guess you’re starting to give up hope. You don’t want to give up hope but it’s hard. It’s been three months since the accident, Jin’s been in a coma for three months and you’re starting to wonder how he isn’t dead yet.
You start to think that maybe it is better if he’s gone. He wouldn’t feel any pain anymore. Even though you want him to wake up you know that his life will never be the same if he even wakes up. And he’s been fighting for three months now, he must be in a lot of pain.
‘‘I can’t believe I’m gonna say this but, do you think you would go to heaven if you die? Or do you believe that you will be reborn as someone else or maybe even a plant or something else? I just wish that wherever you go, you won’t forget about me. I hope you’ll remember the girl who’s your best friend but secretly feels more for you than you think. I have to go now or my parents will lock me up for another few days.’’
You were about to let go of his hand when you feel a pressure. You don’t make a move and you stare at his face not daring to even blink.
‘‘Jin?’‘
You feel something softly tapping on your hand and you look at your hand. His fingers are trembling. You frown and out of nowhere his whole body starts to shake and the heart moniter is going crazy.
‘‘Doctor!’‘ you scream.
It takes just a few seconds for the doctor and a few nurses to rush into the room. The doctor pushes you back but you don’t want to let go of Jin’s hand. Suddenly you feel two hands grabbing your arms and dragging you to the back of the room to give the doctor and nurses some space.
‘‘What is happening?!’‘ you shout.
No one is responding to you, instead everyone is rushing to get the right equipment. The doctor is pulling Jin’s eyelid back and shining with a flashlight in his eye. But he quickly stops when he hears the heart monitor. Flat line.
You feel your knees giving in and you fall on the ground with the nurse still holding you while you scream. The nurse is trying to calm you down and take your eyes of Jin but you can’t. You never got the change to say that you love him.
You wanted to be here when he woke up, not when he died. You’ve known him since kindergarden and now he’s dying in front of your eyes. You never though that this would happen in your life. You never thought that the most important person in your life would die like this.
You continue screaming and crying while they do everything to keep Jin alive. They give him a shock on his chest but nothing happens. You can’t stand this. How are you ever gonna tell the boys that he died? Their friend who’s always cracking jokes and making sure they’re always laughing.
They shock him again but for the second time nothing happens. How are you ever going to feel okay yourself? You lost him. You can slowly feel your heart break more and more after every second.
They shock him for the third time and you don’t know what’s happening. Out of no where Jin sits up gasping for air. But the only thing that you can realize is that his eyes are open. And he’s looking right at you with those brown eyes. The doctor quickly checks if everything is okay and he does a couple of test but Jin never takes his eyes off you.
After a while everything seems to be okay and you’re sitting next to him on the bed while you’re holding hands.
‘‘You gave me the scare of my life. Don’t ever do that again,’‘ you say while looking at him with tears in your eyes.
He laughs and nods.
‘‘I’ll try.’‘
You softly hit his shoulder for what he just said but you laugh with him.
Suddenly he puts his hands on your cheeks and makes you look at him again.
‘‘I heard everything you said. Every day. Every time I tried so hard to just open my eyes or at least let you know that I’m okay and that I could hear you but i wasn’t strong enough.’‘
‘‘Jin, you’re the strongest man I know. You’ve been in a coma for three months and you came out of it. Most people don’t. You’re strong, and brave and I would never think less of you-’‘
Before he loses his courage he presses his lips against yours and kisses you. To say you’re shocked is nothing. You were exploding from the inside, you never thought that he liked you in this way. The kiss ended too soon but you didn’t mind cause what he said next was everything you’ve ever wanted to in your life.
‘‘I heard everything you said and I love you too.’‘
I’m sorry if there are any grammar mistakes! I finished this in a hurry and wasn’t able to look it over anymore. Anyway, thank you so much for reading!!! <3
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