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from 😾 to 🙂: an ilya rozanov guide to keeping your shane happy
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@hudsonwilliamsglasses
before dick and kisses
after dick and kisses
from 😾 to 🙂: an ilya rozanov guide to keeping your shane happy
after dick no kisses
If there's one thing the Centaurs were not prepared for when Hollander joined their team, it's just how much of an asshole he is. Like, pretty early on Shane's first season with the Cens, Dillon misses a pass from him in practice and Shane immediately goes "did you leave your contacts at home?" in a perfectly bland, inoffensive tone and Dillon, genuinely confused, says, "I don't wear glasses..." and Shane immediately retorts with "well, you clearly need them so I'd schedule an eye test" and then just skates away with the puck while the rest of the Centaurs are left gaping behind him except for Ilya who is folded over with laughter
post tlg some random asshole defenseman makes a shitty comment about shane taking it up the ass and shane looks at him, then at the scoreboard that shows the centaurs winning 6-1, then back down at him like "i dunno man i think one of us is getting fucked in the ass right now and it isn't me." and then that guy tries to fight him
*genuinely absorbed zero information* got it
I do think that Shane gets a Russian language tutor. He sees that Ilya is always having to think, speak, and translate in his second language. And he knows that Ilya is fluent by this point, but if he's serious about forever with Ilya (which he is) he wants Ilya to be able to communicate with his boyfriend in his native language. He also saw how much his grandparents struggled with learning English as adults and how much more expressive and talkative they were when they spoke Japanese at home together.
So he gets a tutor. He meticulously researches her (she's from Moscow, so he'll learn from someone with Ilya's same accent). She's signed to more NDAs than he can count. She has 10 years of experience, she's certified to teach English and Russian, and she has 4.8 stars on MyTutor.
Shane pays her a frankly concerning amount of money to make house calls. Twice weekly, unless he's on the road, she arrives at his apartment to teach him foundational Russian. She gives him workbooks, Russia cartoon recommendation, podcasts for beginners, etc. He tells her he's learning because his boyfriend is Russian and she outlines a course that focuses on domestic language first (as opposed to travel or business). She even teaches him what she calls a 'culture course' with lessons on Russian music, food, and various traditions.
She's only a few years older than Shane and he actually finds himself looking forward to her visits. At this point, she's the only person other than his parents that knows he has a boyfriend.
About 4 months in, Shane finally feels comfortable enough to ask about what he'd been very excited about learning.
"You want me to teach you how to talk dirty to your boyfriend?" Ekaterina raised an eyebrow.
"Um," Shane blushed. Was this a little too far? Was this inappropriate to ask of a tutor? "Yes? If - If that's okay, I mean."
A slow smirk spread over her face. "This will be fun. Fun for me, now. Fun for you, later."
"I made a list," Shane admitted. He wasn't going to back out now, he put a lot of thought into his list. He turned to it in his Russian notebook and handed it to her.
She scanned over it indifferently. "You will use all this in one night?"
"Yeah, probably. Is it too much?"
"It is good you have a Russian man," Ekaterina said. "They have good stamina. Mostly, anyway."
And while it was a little embarrassing for Ekaterina to correct his pronunciation of please let me suck your cock, it helped that she seemed just as comfortable with that as there is tea on the stove.
Though, maybe he shouldn't have learned those phrases at the same time, because Ilya will never, for as long as they live, allow him to forget asking, while down on his knees and with excellent pronunciation, please let me suck your tea.
HUDSON WILLIAMS as HENRY PARK in YAGA (2026)
hot asf
Have we considered that between Ilya Slavanov and Mr. Autism 3000 this is probably how they look to the outside world even when they're as happy as can be 😭
Wyatt Hayes noticing that notorious ladies man Ilya Rozanov added a fancy ring to his necklace:
David and Yuna are clearing out their attic, and they come over with a box of Shane's old childhood stuff to see if there's anything Shane (but realistically, Ilya) wants to keep.
As Shane and Ilya are going through the box, Ilya pulls out a little Centaurs branded notebook, with "Shane's Fun Facts!" written on the front in sharpie. Ilya is understandably delighted.
"What is this?" he asks, smiling from ear to ear, quickly yanking it out of the reach of Shane who immediately tries to swipe it out of his hands.
"It's nothing," says Shane, but the way his cheeks have gone pink behind his freckles tells another story.
"Uh-uh. It cannot be nothing if you don't want me to see it this badly."
Turning his back to Shane so he can't easily grab at it, Ilya opens to a random page and reads in Shane's 8-year-old scrawl:
Lightning bolts are five times hotter than the sun. That is very hot!
Ilya is grinning even wider now.
"Wow, Solnyshko, that is a fun fact."
"Fuck off," Shane says. He doesn't even attempt to grab it again, just kind of collapses and bonks his head into Ilya's shoulder. "I used to have trouble making friends as a kid. Dad suggested I start collecting facts to use as icebreakers. Y'know, to get conversations going."
"Did they work?" asks Ilya, tilting his head so that it rests on top of Shane's as his husband gives an almighty sigh.
"I think they made it worse, actually."
Ilya turns to another page and reads it out loud.
"Oology is the study of eggs. It's so cool because it looks like there are three eggs in the word!"
"Oh god," says Shane, burying his face further into Ilya's neck.
"I think you knew all the worst kids in Canada," says Ilya, putting down the book and wrapping his arms around Shane. "Those facts would have worked on me."
"Really?" asks Shane, glancing up at Ilya's face to see if he's teasing him, but Ilya is being perfectly serious.
"Of course. You came up to me and started telling me fun facts straight away, remember? 'I don't think you can smoke here.' 'Wow, Rozanov, you are the best player ever to watch.'"
"Fuck off, I didn't say that," laughs Shane.
"Well, it was something like that," says Ilya, pressing a kiss to the top of Shane's head. "So at least the fun facts worked when it mattered, yes? Imagine where we'd be if you hadn't come over to break the ice."
And Shane tugs Ilya even closer.
"I don't think I want to."
"backwards cap Ilya this" "slutty tank top Ilya that" yeah well what about this Shane
from shifty eyes stealing a glance to openly checking Ilya out (insp.)
HEATED RIVALRY S01E02
i love you i love you i love you
Heated Rivalry | 1.01 | Rookies
yours. mine.
Happy ✨ Fingers In His Mouth ✨ Friday