perfect imperfections

valerie || 16 || judoka || runner learning to trust God and love life you are fearfully and wonderfully made -psalm 139:14

[hugfromtheheart-blog]

endings and beginnings

i apologize for the pretentious title, i couldn’t really think of anything else :p

friends i have big (??) news idk if anyone cares but in case any of my followers are still here (i’ve not been very active since april oops) 

i’ve decided to stop doing judo. it just wasn’t good for me. i took a long break from it while i was studying for my finals, and i was doing okay. the moment i went back, i had headaches and emotional breakdowns in the days after training. i don’t know why or how, but it does seem that training triggers something in me that makes me emotionally fragile?? and that might explain the mess that was 2014. i’ve been doing quite alright these months, and i’m glad for that. so yes, i’ve decided to stop doing judo for now. i might go back, who knows? but right now i’ll set my sights on other things.

i don’t know how i’m going to keep staying active, but i’ll figure something out. 

as for everything else in my life, school’s starting again in around a week, and i feel quite prepared (but not prepared at all). i’ve been growing a lot in God, and He’s part of the reason i’m not continuing in judo; i feel like God is calling me elsewhere. i’m going to dedicate my life to God, growing where He plants me.

i think it’s time to retire this blog. close this chapter of the story. i’ve been through so much here, and i didn’t want to change the theme and everything which will leave all the records of my journey lost somewhere in the archives. this blog will remain the way it is, and i’ll start afresh somewhere else. i’ll update the sidebar when i’ve decided.

thank you for the amazing 3 years. this community has gotten me so far and supported me throughout, i might not even be alive if it weren’t for you guys (the thought scares me - it’s amazing, the thought of death repulses me now). i’ve grown so much, and i’ll just leave this blog here as a tribute to my 14-16 year old self <3

EDIT: i can now be found at esserevalere

[throwtime]

My feel good story for the day:

A good friend moved back to the area not long ago. She’s a bjj black belt. Which is a bit of an understatement. She just retired from international competition last year. And in retirement, she hasn’t even looked in the direction of a gym. She needed a break. I get that, so I never pushed her about it.

She also just had some significant health issues and a pretty tough loss. I’m not going to put her life out there, but I saw a little bit of light leave her eyes that I know she’ll never get back. She’s been melting down pretty hard for a few months, and I absolutely cannot blame her for any of it. All I can do is try and play damage control for when she tried to get back on her feet.

But unbeknownst to me, a few days after she had a major operation, she decided to get back on the mat. She texted me and asked if I could pick her up somewhere, and it was a gym. It was nogi so everyone there was just in shorts and t-shirts and the occasional rash guard. (It turns out, I knew some of the group, they’re just not my favorite circle of people to roll with.) It being nogi, she was completely rank anonymous.

I walked in just in time to see her launch this guy with a butterfly sweep. She’s about 140ish, and he was about 300lbs. Butterfly sweep is the most polite thing I could have called that. She had the back of his neck and a shin in the thigh and then there was lift off. And in an act of clearly finely honed repetition, she effortlessly floated over into full mount, then grabbed a beautiful arm bar for the sub. Then the room went nuts because it was an exceptional display of talent.

Just then, she realized I was there and looked at me and gave me this little smirk wave that she does. I didn’t see the same light as I’ve seen before, but I did see the fire in her eyes. I haven’t seen her roll in a while, but one thing that I did see that I also haven’t seen in her in a while was that for that split second, she was at peace. And all was right in the world.

That tiny moment there, is why I train.

[kylobentrash]

from what we’ve seen of Rey, she hardly whines at all. There is no way in hell she could be related to a Skywalker.

[rebels-among-the-stars]

KENOBI IT IS

[shatterdomerockstar]

This is the most convincing argument I’ve seen yet

[stoic-judoka]

please be obi’s daughter

[darthvqder-deactivated20200630]

the best part about star wars is that it’s just one family fucking up the whole galaxy with their drama

[magicalrealism-o]

keeping up with the skywalkers

[worshipgifs]

[spiritualinspiration2]

The Bible tells us that Jesus came to give us abundant life. Not only did He come to give you life in eternity, but He desires that you experience abundant life here on earth. He wants your relationships to be vibrant and alive. He wants your dreams to be alive. He wants your body, heart and mind to be alive and full of vitality. God is the source of all life, and when you seek Him, you will find Him, and the result will be everlasting life.

Are there areas in your life that need to be resurrected? Are there dreams that you’ve put on the back burner that you need to revive again? Do you need hope or faith for something today? Seek God and allow Him to breathe His life into you. Seek Him with your dreams; seek Him with your plans. Seek Him in all things, and you will find His abundant life, and everything you set your hand to will prosper in Jesus’ name.

[fumbling-towards-ecstasy001-dea]

“Men don’t age better than women, they’re just allowed to age.”

Carrie Fisher (via phd-student-ttu)

[hugfromtheheart-blog]

Hogwarts Houses

Hufflepuff: Pisces, Cancer, Libra

Gryffindor: Sagittarius, Aries, Taurus

Slytherin: Leo, Scorpio, CAPRICORN

Ravenclaw: AQUARIUS, Gemini, Virgo

[livebetterandlaugh-deactivated2]

To live content with small means. To seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion. To be worthy not respectable, and wealthy not rich. To listen to stars and birds and babes and sages with an open heart. To study hard, think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions. Never hurry. In a word, to let the spiritual, the unbidden and the unconscious rise up through the common. This is my symphony.

William Henry Channing (via awelltraveledwoman)

[worshipgifs]

she was the girl who read the Bible, the girl who put her hope in his word the girl who still prayed even without answers she was the girl who had a simple heart the girl who loved God above all things the girl who forgave without receiving an apology she was the girl who believed, who was patient who didn’t give up and in the end, she was the girl who was not disappointed.

anne n. | the girl who read the bible (via worshipgifs)

[kushandwizdom]

[yeon-studies]

[spiritualinspiration2]

[sofftside]

[thebestoftumbling]

HELLO SMALL COW

[orangevegan]

*SNIFF SNIFF*

[transmasculine-spock]

What gets me is that after the dog realized they were kinda scared, he/she lied down so the cows could be in control and feel safer. Such love. Animals are amazing.

[esaedri-deactivated20160915]

[wordsnquotes]

I’ve always envied people who sleep easily. Their brains must be cleaner, the floorboards of the skull well swept, all the little monsters closed up in a steamer trunk at the foot of the bed.

David Benioff, City of Thieves (via wordsnquotes)

[cruelteenagers-deactivated20160]

@ everyone who went through a period of having no friends, who ate alone, who had a point in their life where they were too embarrassed to tell their parents they had no one to play with after school: I love you. I know it hurts and I know it’s hard but it’s not your fault. Things will grow and change. You will find people who you click with and they will love you too. You deserve positive friendship relationships just like anyone else. And if you’re still going through this phase, you’re strong, and things will change for you too. You are not alone, there are people experiencing the same thing you are, find them, you deserve positivity and companionship. Keep your head up.