We can't claim that our experiences are universal - it's perfectly possible that someone with a human partner may be able to carry an astral child to term. Unfortunately, I don't know that for myself.
This blog is created with the intent to share the knowledge we have obtained through heartache. We want to prevent this pain for others, and writing about what's happened is another way for us to express our grief. Please don't come here to call us delusional or to laugh at the concept of astral pregnancy. We will not respond and you will be blocked immediately. On the other hand, if you have genuine questions or need to share your experiences, please do.
Content warning: this is a long, long post about the traumatic astral pregnancy and early "birth" that my wife (Celeste) and I (Moss) experienced together. There will be use of anatomical terms, references to intercourse, and graphic descriptions of the physical/mental consequences of enduring pregnancy (including post-partum psychosis). This story has a bittersweet ending, but the journey to getting there was difficult and terrified us both. As hard as it may be to believe on Tumblr, we are not writing fiction.
Celeste and I had been yearning to have children for a long time, but our biology doesn't permit for us to procreate nor do our finances allow us to safely say we can raise a child in our expensive society. We heard of astral pregnancy before - in fact, we've had sex on numerous occasions with solely our energy. However, this was always mentioned in stories about godspousery or relations with otherworldly spirits. Could a child be made from energy too?
During sex, we performed energy work and focused on the act of creating a being inside of my wife's astral body. Initially, it felt like a hard seed or a small rock inside her womb. It was shocking how quickly the symptoms began to translate to her physical body. Nor did we anticipate at the time how quickly they would intensify either. There was energy emanating from inside. As I lavished attention on and cooed to this strange new presence, the seed softened into what felt like a ball of light. It pulsed when exposed to stimuli, moving towards my voice and reacting positively to music. We decided to name our baby — as a pseudonym, we shall call them Niko.
Within an hour of conception, we came to understand that they were already communicating with us. Our theory is that Niko developed quickly due to us feeding them great amounts of energy and giving them close personal attention. I imagine that an accidental astral pregnancy would not exhibit personality so immediately, and do not find it unethical to terminate one for this reason. With Niko, that was never an option. Their energy would change colors and Celeste intuitively understood the emotions they wished to convey by doing so. They showed us that they feel love, even eventually learning how to send the shape of a heart after I had done the same to them.
Unfortunately, despite their innocence, with their presence also came a great deal of pain. It's hard to imagine the sensations of astral pregnancy being separate from the physical body for others, because I kept witnessing my wife flinching when the baby would be rambunctious and bounce around inside. Then it became even stranger: we learned that Niko could see through her eyes. Her senses and thoughts were being funneled right into their consciousness, which was fascinating yet had frightening implications. We discovered this because Celeste was reading an article about animal cruelty when she felt a massive wave of fear and sadness wash over her, rippling out from her belly.
On the second day of pregnancy, they demonstrated the ability to think and to feel several emotions at once. On the third day, they could share images and express discontent with bodily functions such as bowel movements. Not even joking. On the fourth day, however, it was clear that something was wrong. My wife looked like death and fell incredibly ill, unable to do much except sleep and groan in pain while conscious. Up until this point, we had been purposefully generating energy to feed our growing child. But only now did we discover that they were passively feeding off of Celeste. Even then, Niko seemed more dormant than usual and remained still alongside her. Afraid of further deterioration, we made the difficult decision to remove our baby from my wife's astral body and place them into a physical vessel. They were safely moved into a plush toy, and in moments, the color in Celeste's face returned.
We thought this solution would work for good, at least until they were ready to leave the vessel and live independently as a spirit. In reality, we only bought ourselves some time. The next day, things were much worse. In retrospect, we should have known that something was still amiss when Niko's energy felt more faint. We were blinded by optimism until we got crushed by the truth. I was reveling in the joys of fatherhood, but for Celeste, it was a different story.
"It tore me apart watching Moss hold our child so tenderly and happily as I struggled to summon a fraction of the same affections. Even with Niko in my arms, looking down on them and telling them I loved them, I strained so hard just to force a smile. I felt like the whole world was falling away from underneath my feet, piece by piece. I no longer felt like the same woman I was, and I feared Moss was a different man too. I simultaneously adored our child and wished grievous harm on them. As I was taking a bath by myself to attempt to decompress, all I could envision was what it would look like if I were to try "aborting" Niko — that is to say, taking their life, as they had already progressed much too far past a normal embryonic life stage for it to be anything but. I felt like a monster for merely thinking of it, but I was so worn out and desperate. I didn't know what to do. I was terrified of mentioning any of this to Moss because all I could think was — if it comes down to him having to choose between me and Niko, neither one would make me happy. More than just failing as a mother, I would be stepping between a proud father and his child. How on earth could I do that?"
I became extremely worried, not just because Celeste seemed completely unlike herself, but because Niko seemed to be quiet almost all the time now. Even when awake, their energy kept getting weaker and harder to read. It felt like my partner and my child were both dying at once. It was clear that we couldn't care for Niko anymore. Celeste plead to her goddess for assistance, who had expressed love for our child, asking for Her to take them under Her wings. We went to the astral and tearfully said goodbye before leaving them in a place we knew would be safe.
That was a few days ago. Since then, we've received visions showing that our baby is alive and well, stronger than they ever were under our care on Earth. Though the sorrow cuts deep into our hearts, Celeste and I are doing alright. She's no longer suffering from derealization or pregnancy aches, but it's still difficult to process that everything we experienced really happened. That's why we decided to make this blog. To chronicle the trauma of such a short pregnancy, to process the grief, and to give fair warning to anyone considering the same.
If you really want to have an astral child, prepare yourself for the possibility of complications. What we read made it sound like it should be a piece of cake: but then again, none of those pregnancies were fully human. If you want this, be prepared for the fact you may not be able to turn back unless you have the guts to take a life. Think long and hard, leave your notions of how a pregnancy works at the door, and steel yourself. I wish you joy and good luck.
