Humans Are Space Orcs

I love these! There will also be many humans are weird posts. Hello! I am now in college and am very busy and therefore I am not active here anymore. I love the fact that y’all still are here and if possible I will occasionally check my messages. Thank you have an amazing day!

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Mountain Climbing

        “Does it ever get cold around here?” Wren was lying on her back, squinting against the brightness of the sun above.

         “Our base is strategically placed so that it is not affected negatively by the other planets’ orbits or the effects elevation has on temperature.” Zork’ak was attempting not to openly stare at her.

         “So, no?”

         Zork’ak chuckled a little. “No. The temperature is consistent.”

         Wren groaned, and even that brought a smile to Zork’ak’s face. The two of them were alone just before the moons emerged, looking out across the terrain. Wren has grown aggravated with a failed project and had climbed up to the roof to calm down. The rest of the humans insisted she needed space, but xe couldn’t stand the idea of her alone and upset, so xe climbed onto the roof, too.

         “I grew up in the mountains.”

          “What was that like?”

         “Oh, I loved it. It was so beautiful, all the snow. And you could see such gorgeous sunrises, the way it glinted off the ice. I did a lot of snowboarding and for a little while we even trained dogs for sledding.”

         “Snow is the frozen liquid that coats high altitudes, correct?”

         “Yes. Snow is different than ice though because it’s a little softer.”

         “And snowboarding is?”

         “Oh, you get this board that’s made out of fiberglass and wood, and you attach your feet to it, and then you can slide down a mountain. It takes a lot of practice not to fall. And sledding is standing on this platform and these dogs pull you across the terrain. They’re both really fun, but it can be really difficult and painful sometimes.”

         Zork’ak almost asked why she would participate in a sport that would hurt, but xe shook xer head. “Have you attempted to recreate this snow? There are structures that reach high altitudes with slopes consistent with your planet. The difference would be that we do not have precipitation.”

         “I have noticed this. The water content in the terrain is fascinating.”

         “I do know little information about it.”

         Wren let out a short, breathy laugh. “Is that your way of telling me not to ask.”

         Zork’ak grinned down at her. “Possibly.” Wren turned her blue eyes on xem, and xer heart started pounding. “Uh, so, why haven’t you made snow?”

         “Oh,” she pushed up on her elbows, “it’s not that I can’t make snow. It’s that you need so much, and I don’t think I would be able to get it to appropriately coat the surface. I wish I could though; I always regret never mountain climbing.”

         “Is that not similar to the snowboarding?”

         “Well, you do go up to the top of a mountain, but with snowboarding, it’s not that high. Mountain climbing is, like, taking food and clothes and ways to shelter yourself with you in this giant pack that you carry on your back. And then you climb the mountain, actually climb the thing, and I would climb all the way to the top. Some people don’t or can’t, but I am too damn stubborn. I’d make it to that top or I’d die on the way there.“

        Zork'ak’s heart stuttered. "Why would you be unable to reach the top?”

        “Well, the altitude can make it hard to breathe, and that lack of oxygen can take a toll on your body, and then, of course, the cold. That can be really difficult. Sometimes, the weather can be bad, other people can be stupid and mess shit up. There’s just a number of things so you need to be well trained and prepared.”

        “This can actually kill you? This is not a dramatized expression?”

        Wren shook her head, a strand falling to the side. “No, it could definitely kill you.”

        “And you wish that you could complete this task?”

        “Well, yeah. I love the mountains, the way they look, the cold. I feel like I missed such an experience, a challenge meant just for me.”

        “Why would you accept this challenge, though? I understand humans compete in strange ways, harmful ways even, but why would you compete in life-threatening situations?”

        “It’s not a competition. It’s something just for you, to know that you did it. You get the whole experience, and it’s just beautiful. I hope I can to try it.”

        She tilted her head slightly, and that lock of hair slipped further free of her tangled hair. Zork'ak reached forward, using one talon to carefully push the strand back in place. For some reason, xe didn’t drop xer talons, though; xe allowed xer talons to drip down her cheek, and Wren did not move away. She even pressed her cheek deeper into xer touch. “We will find a way for you to try, Wren.” The words were little more than a soft whisper. She only smiled in response.

submitted by: @nonbinarywritxer

[humans-are-space-orcs]

"But how did you manage to catch your quarry? You haven't any claws or wings or particularly sharp teeth, I can't possible imagine you catching a... What were they called? Deer?"

Elle smiles dryly at the alien, as though the answer was obvious. "Same way we solve all our problems," She drawls in Common, accent heavy. "We run."

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Humans Are Weird: Not Noticing Pain

       The humans were at third meal when Zork'ak sat on the bench. The nutrient researchers had been experimenting with the human flavors, attempting to add it to the meals. This bowl had a slight ‘savory’ undertone that Zork'ak very much enjoyed.

           Wren moved over to allow Zork'ak to sit next to her, which caused a weird constriction around xer straque, xer fluid-pumping organ. Wren smiled at xem, and it happened again. Xe might need to go to the medical wing after meal.

           "I don’t feel sorry,“ Adam was saying.

           "You sprained my wrist!” Steve was clutching his extremity to his chest.

           "You should’ve landed the right way.“

           "Oh, shut up,” Carrie grumbled.

           As Carrie lifted her utensil to her mouth, Zork'ak caught a glimpse of a long cut running the length of the lower half of her extremity. “How did you hurt yourself, Carrie?”

           She looked surprised. “Where?” Zork'ak carefully traced the line with xer talon. Carrie twisted to look at the scabbed cut. “Hmm. Wonder when that happened.”

           "The piercing of your skin sends pulses through your nerves, correct?“

           "Well, yeah.”

           "So you should feel it.“

           "Well, I mean. You usually do. I guess I just didn’t notice when it happened this time.”

           "Sometimes our body can be more focused on other things or like the pain is so minor we barely notice or remember it,“ Adam said. "I mean we obviously notice big things.”

           "I probably cut on something while we were at the collection field.“ Carrie continued eating.

           "She also is the kind of person who doesn’t notice a lot.” Adam closed his eye in what Zork'ak had been told is called a 'wink.’ “I, on the other hand, do notice things like this.” He flipped his extremity over to reveal two blue spots on his arms. Zork'ak did not study human bodily science, just behavior so xe did not know what this medical condition was.

           "What disease do you have?“ Zork'ak leaned forward to look at Adams, running a talon over the skin to see if it felt different. Xe had been told that xe could touch the humans without asking permission in these situations.

           "Oh, it’s not a disease. It’s called a bruise. It means my blood vessel, the tube that brings the blood to all my organs, was ruptured. It’ll go away after a few days.”

           "You rupture delivery vessels that are necessary to keep your organs functioning and it does not affect your body?“

           Adam shrugged. "We have multiple blood vessels.”

           "Is this an extremely painful occurrence?“ Zork'ak had noticed humans did not seem to mind pain.

           "Nah. I mean, you can usually tell if you are going to bruise because it hurts a little when that spot gets hit, but very minor.”

           "So you don’t notice when you are cut but when one of your… blood vessels,“ Adam nodded,” blood vessels ruptures but you do notice when you touch an object too hard.“

           "Uh, kind of? It just really depends.”

           Zork'ak did not understand how some humans would notice these nerve impulses but others did not. Xe turned to look at Wren, who had been listening to the conversation, and noticed a dark purple spot on Wren’s upper extremity.

           "What is this?“ Xe pointed at the spot on Wren’s arm.

           "Uh,” Wren tried to twist her extremity. “Where?” She was stretching it out, twisting around, finally able to look at the spot on the back side. “Oh, bruise.” She poked it. “Ouch. That hurt.” She proceeded to press it again. And again.

           "Wren?“ She touched the spot again and wrinkled her nose. "Why do you continue to press the spot that hurts?”

           She looked at xem. “You know, I don’t have an explanation really. I guess it doesn’t hurt that much so it’s enticing to keep pressing it to see if it hurts more each time. I’m not sure.”

           "How did you get that bruise?“

           "Couldn’t tell you.”

           Zork'ak looked back at Adam. “I thought you said you all noticed when you have ruptured your blood vessels, and that one looks more painful.”

           "Hers is a dark color because it’s healing, not because it’s more painful. Bruises are nearly the same pain level. Some hurt when you press them,“ he cut his eyes at Wren, "but having them doesn’t hurt really.”

           "She does not know how she received hers.“

           He looked at her arm, then his. "Like I said, it depends.”

           "But.“ Zork'ak was looking at their bruises. "How do you-you don’t notice-I do not understand.” Klyls always noticed any abnormality in their body’s functioning. There was not a time that Zork'ak had not noticed something causing xem pain.

           "It’s complicated, I guess. Our species doesn’t have set rules really.“

           "I have noticed.” Xe looked at Wren. “It makes your species quite hard to study.”

           She laughed. “Good. You can’t know all of our secrets.” She winked at xem then.

           Zork'ak found it hard to breathe for a fraction of a cycle. Xe definitely needed to go to the medical wing.  

submitted by: @nonbinarygaymergirl

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Humans Are Weird: Eating Competitions

         Zork'ak entered the laboratory at the appropriate cycle, just before the ritual of climbing to the roof. Xe had considered having small steps or indents above the wall or lengthening the ledge of the window to make the climbing easier for the humans. Xe decided the humans would not care for a logic and safe path.

           Wren, Carrie, Adam, and Kai were crowded around one of the isolated benches near the back wall. “Come on! Come on! Ten, nine, eight-” Zork'ak approached the humans as they chanted. Steve, Jessica, Reese, and Kace were shoving crops into their mouth rapidly. “One!”

           "Time’s up!“ Carrie was bouncing up and down on her feet. "Steve wins with twelve!” Zork'ak reached the bench, finding the four humans spitting up food and looking quite uncomfortable. Carrie was grinning at the pain of the others. “Okay, let’s switch.”

           "What is this?“ Wren turned to where Zork'ak had appeared.

           "Oh, it was an eating contest. You have to see who can eat the most in a certain amount of time.”

           "What is it that they were eating?“ Steve was coughing furiously, and Jessica was bent over a bucket. Kace was leaning forward, hands on his knees, seeming to be out of breath. Reese was drinking water quite rapidly.

           "Oh, we had crackers from our trip over. They are really salty and dries your mouth out. Now, it’s our turn.”    

           Steve and Jessica recovered first, coming back to bench. There were small shapes on the counter, mostly reds. “Damn right it is.”

           "What are you all competing for?“

           Carrie smiled, seemingly too excited. "Bragging rights.”

           "Brag-what?“

           "Oh,” Adam stepped around Carrie. “It means you have the right to say you win, and it makes you superior to others in the group in this activity.” Zork'ak began opening xer mouth. “We compete just to win with no other purpose. It’s just what we do.” Zork'ak exhaled air with a small smile at Adam’s ability to anticipate xer question.

           "Zor?“ He looked to where Wren stood. "Did you just laugh?”

           Zork'ak thought for a moment. “Is that with this exhalation was?”

           She nodded, laughing. “Zor, you’re learning how to be human.”

           "Hey.“ Carrie nudged "Do this with us. Try being human, compete with no purpose.”

           "I will.“ Zork'ak stepped towards the bench without even thinking first. Xe was not sure what this feeling was. It might be this ‘liking’ that the humans talked about. Xe needed to ask Adam later.

           "Okay.” Carrie looked to either side of here. “The goal is obviously to see who eats the hottest pepper. I worked really hard on growing these. For it to even count, you must chew it, swallow it, and keep it down for a minute. Water is available after you give up.”

           "Alright. Get ready.“ Steve was looking up and down the line. "Hey, Zor, when I say go, eat the green one.” Xe nodded. Xe was not sure what this 'hot’ meant, but xe was about to learn. “Okay. Aaaaand Go!”

           All five of them popped the pepper in their mouth chewing and swallowing. Zork'ak exclaimed, sounding as if xe had been physically injured. The 'pepper’ creating a burning sensation across xer tongue and down xer throat. This was much like the burning of that lemon from the previous taste testing but with a different flavor. This was very much what it felt like when fighting a Brak'yr, their acid quite deadly.

           "That’s sixty seconds. The next one.“ Steve pointed to a pepper in front of Zork'ak, and xe ate it. This was much worse. Xe was concerned that the pepper would erode away xer internal organs. Maybe the humans were trying to kill xem. Steve pointed to another pepper, and xe ate it. The pain was intense. Xe tried to open xer mouth wider, breathing in more air. It did not help. There were four more peppers, and Zork'ak was determined to complete this challenge, even without necessary results.

           At pepper number five, Kai stepped away, coughing and, what Zork'ak believed to be vomiting, into a bin. Pepper number six had Adam and Wren swallowing enormous amounts of water. Zork'ak was unsure why xe kept eating. The pain intensified each time, but not by much. The first layer created a blanket and the rest of the heat was not as intense. Carrie looked at them, smiling as she popped the last pepper in xer mouth. Zork'ak reached forward, biting into it. Xe immediately spit it out, leaning over a bin, too. Kace handed Zork'ak watet, and xe drank through three servings.

           Carrie was laughing. "I win.”

           The other four glared at her, Wren and Adam on the floor breathing deeply.

           "This was very unpleasant,“ Zork'ak gasped. "Why compete for no purpose if it is also unpleasant?”

           Carrie smiled down at xem. “Because we like to prove how good and strong we are.”

           "You clearly are a superior race,“ xe took a loud gasp, "at useless rituals.” Everyone but Kai laughed loudly.

           "Damn, Zor,“ Steve said on the other side of the bench. "Did you just throw shade?”

           Zork'ak opened xer mouth to ask, but xe did not speak. Xe were too focused on this intense feeling eating at xer mouth. Xe felt the need to leave, no longer interested in human behavior. Xer determined they were a useless race, conflicting pain for no reason. This conclusion only lasted until the time to climb to the roof, when the burning started to subside.

submitted by: @nonbinarygaymergirl

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Humans Are Weird In Multiple Ways

       Zork'ak reached Wren’ quarters just before the agreed sunlight. Xe had been reguarly meeting with Wren and walking with her even though xe now knew were the room was. Xe interpreted it as a bonding experience, and xe wanted to be part of their pack, partially to learn more about the species and partially because xe was beginning to grow fond of the humans. It was an unusual emotion for Klyls to experience.

        Wren was running around the room, clothes thrown everywhere, throwing more around the space when she noticed Zork'ak standing there.

        “Hold on! I can’t find my other shoe.” She continued to dig through one of the piles. “Where is the damn thing!” She tripped over something on the ground falling over.

        “Wren,” Zork'ak asked from where xe stood, “why does your quarters not have organized bins?”

        She was under the bed now. “Don’t need ‘em.”

        “I would be happy to help you label bins for this so you could find each item.”

        “Nah. I can find it.” Zork'ak was about to offer xer help again when Wren popped out from under the bed. “Found it!” She held up her shoe before pulling it onto her foot. Zork'ak could not comprehend out Wren found anything in her quarters, but xe understood little of humans. They were not the most efficient species, far from it. Their decision did not match the evolutionary process in the slightest.

        Zork'ak turned away to leave the quarters when xe caught a glimpse a small table in the corner. The table had a piece one leg missing and books stacked underneath the table to level it out. “Wren, if your table is broke, we can provide a replacement.”

        She slipped passed Zork'ak. “Nah. I fixed it. Let’s go.”

        “I do not believe you have 'fixed it.’” Zork'ak was not sure if this was how humans improved objects.

        “Well, it works doesn’t it?”

        Zork'ak thought about that one. “I suppose it must.” Wren grinned wildly, and Zork'ak remembered the other part of xer confusion over Wren’s room. “Wren?” She looked back at xem, a smirk still on her face. “Why is it that you own so many covering devices?”

        “You mean clothes?” Zork'ak “shrugged.” Xe had learned how to move xer upper body in the human-like gesture. “Well, I can’t wear the same ones every day.”

        “And why is that?”

        “Well, they get dirty.”

        “Do you often partake in activities that stain and soil your coverings?”

        Wren was staring up at Zork'ak now quite confused. “Well, no, but there’s sweat and dirt and oil. So we wear different clothes every day to be clean.”

        “I do not see how you secrete these fluids and they cause your clothes to become unwearable.”

        “I guess. Well, you know how humans secrete oils and sweat?” Zork'ak nodded. This the Klyls did know about humans. “It gets on our clothes and so we want fresh ones instead of piling the oils and sweat on top of more.”

        “And why is it you need these coverings? Would it not be more efficient to not cover your body instead of catching the secretions and trapping them on your skin?”

        “Well, on Earth, it is not allowed to be naked. Humans believe we should cover certain parts. They say it is not acceptable to see the entirety of another person if you are not like, well, kind of really good friends with them.”

        Zork'ak looked down at xer body. Xe were covered in protective scales and did not see a reason to cover the body. Earth customs did make little sense. “Is it because your body is easily harmed?”

        “Partly. We protect our body from cold or the sun or the rain. Different things.”

        “I suppose you would need coverings considering your, um,” Zork'ak looked down at Wren,“ your skin is not particularly effective at defense.”

        Wren giggled at that, for some unknown reason, and stopped in the hallway, turning left. Zork'ak followed her into the “grappling room,” where Faradae was standing in the center of the room, using his hands to fight with another individual. It was an interesting and interesting movement. When they finished and invited them in, Faradae approached Zork'ak to discuss a new tactic to introduce this class. Zork'ak quickly relayed the information, focusing on Faradae’s hands.

        “Are you hurt?” Zork'ak asked after finishing his report.

        Faradae looked down at his hands. There was a thin, white material wrapped around several of his fingers. “Eh. I had to tape my fingers. Hurt a few of them when I was boxing.”

        “And you continue to practice with your extremities damaged?”

        “I mean, it’s not that bad. It’ll heal.” Zork'ak began to wonder how all of their bones seemed to heal.

        After the class, the group went to third meal, sitting at a table with Zork'ak. Carrie took a bite into her mixed spices and grains, making a face that looked quite unpleasant.

        “Oh, that smells terrible.”

        Adam leaned over breathing it in deeply. “You’re right.” He proceeded to take a bite. “Pretty bad, too.”

        Several of the other humans passed the bowl around to smell and taste the food, each announcing what the others had already claimed: that it both smelled and tasted bad.         “If the food is unpleasant, xe can find you something more suitable.”

        Carrie shook her head, reclaiming her bowl, and continued to eat the substance. “It’s not that bad.”

        “Did you not all agree that the food was not to your liking?”

        Carrie shrugged, shoveling more in her mouth. “The more you eat, the better it gets.” Adam leaned over to steal another spoonful and agreed that it did taste better the second time.

        “Why is it that you all feel the need to smell and eat the food. Do you not trust Carrie’s opinion?”

        Steve laughed. “We just like to also experience it.”

        “You like to experience something you know you will not enjoy.”

        Steve and Adam looked at each. “Well, yeah.” Adam said.

        Zork'ak was continuing to learn that the Klyl’s knew nothing about these humans.

submitted by: @nonbinarygaymergirl

[humans-are-space-orcs]

While the subject of Craig Alanson's "Expeditionary Force" series isn't explicitly about Humans being "Space Orcs/Australians", there are plenty of antics to go around; a multinational group of horribly unprepared humans secretly go galavanting across the known Galaxy aboard a stolen alien starship --aided and abetted by an ancient, scatterbrained alien AI (think Halo's Precursor or Forerunner tech level and you won't be too far off...)-- as they try to keep several far more advanced alien races from realizing their "lowly" race has become a contender in their eons-old war.

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Humans Are Weird: Energy Drinks

       Zork'ak had begun to routinely visit the two labs before second meal, asking after their experiments and following them to their claimed table. Xe walked into the first lab, finding Kai near the window, scribbling on a pad she was given that uploaded her research to the database. Xe waited until she looked up from her furious writing, finding her eyes wide and slightly red.

        “Kai?” Zork'ak had been learning human sayings and was searching for one. “Are you okay?” Xe believed that was a more informal way to ask after their well-being.

        “Yeah, yeah.” Her eyes were darting around the room. “Just a bit tired.”

        “Did you sleep well?” Zark'ak noticed how Kai was a little jittery, her movements not as fluid as normal, and her behavior was similar.

        “Yeah. I mean, sleep is overrated right?

        "No.” Zork'ak was unaware of this scientific research if sleep was indeed not needed for humans. “Your body needs sleep to properly function.”

        She shrugged. “You can get by without it.”

        “From our studies, it has adverse effects on your cardiac system, your memory, and your reflexes. It can cause negative impacts on your cognitive abilities, which inhibits your current work.” Kai reached across her desk for a can. Zork'ak noticed two more near it as she knocked her head back and drained its contents, throwing it down next to the others. “What is this drink you are consuming rapidly? Do humans have a medical enhancer for lack of sleep when necessary?”

        Kai leaned back of her tablet, swiping her hand across the screen. “Kinda like that. It’s an energy drink.”

        “May I see?” Kai handed Zork'ak the empty can without taking her eyes off the screen. Zork'ak scanned the can, eyeing the other two knocked over on Kai’s desk. “This contains many ingredients that are quite harmful for your body, and you have ingested six servings.”

        “Mmm.” Kai did not appear to be listening.

        Zork'ak took a step forward, touching Kai’s shoulder. “I am concerned for your health.”

        She looked up then, a smile small on her face. Her eyes and the lines around her mouth and temples looked quite awful. “Occasionally, we will get little sleep, and, yes, energy drinks are awful for you, but sometimes it’s worth it. We can do anything as long as we don’t make it a habit.”

        “You are telling me that your species can recover from occasional ingestion of chemicals and lack of an extremely necessary action?”

        “I mean,” Kai looked out the window, “we can really recover from anything if you do it right.”

        Zork'ak was becoming more and more relieved they had these humans on their base. Xe didn’t know how Klyls would ever have been able to fight them, and xe hoped they would never have to find out.

submitted by: @nonbinarygaymergirl

[humans-are-space-orcs]

How would an alien react to Chromesthesia? And on extension, humans who play musical instruments whilst blind/deaf.

(I don't know if this has been done yet, so sorry if you've seen something like this before. I've read a lot of 'Humans are weird' and 'Humans are space orcs' that I've had to contribute with this little thing. 

Please note that I don't have Chromesthesia and this is based purely from Wikipedia. Oh and this is gonna be long cuz I love to write this kinda stuff, so get comfy.

Sorry if it's bad ;-; )

It had been a long day onboard the human station known as 'Ulysses'. Qhar'in had always wondered why humans named their ships, but he'd always forget to ask whenever he would remember. 'Yet another thing that humans do.' He thought as he entered his room, chucking his helmet onto his bed. He serves as security, slogging through ranks faster than most, on the Scientific/Civilian station. Double checking his blasters safety toggle, he set it aside on his desk next to the small pile of papers that had accumulated over the few months that he was stationed there. 

His fins folded and stretched as he lifted his chest piece off, a sigh of relief excaped him as the humidifier kicked in, soaking his amphibian skin. A loud trilling sound suddenly rang behind him, a holographic button pad lighting into existence, his own language sprawled onto each button. Tapping the center most button, he answered the call.

"Greatings, how may I assist you?" Qhar'in asked, kicking off his boots, allowing his three webbed toes stretch and wiggle, doing the same with his gloves. 

"Hey Qhar! You still coming round?" 

"Ah! Human-Clare, of course! I'd never miss a chance to 'hang out' with my favourite human, dawg!"

"Your still shit at human linguo, but props for trying. Anyway, that's cool, can't wait for you to come over, I've been practising on the piano and I can't wait to show you!" The receiver clicked signalling the end of their communication.

"Wait, aren't you blind?" Qhar'in asked after a moment of silence, not relising that there conversation had ended.

The door slid upward with a swoosh, revealing the small brunette human standing at the other end, her shaded glasses reflecting the amphibian's image. His damp 'rock' and 'role' shirt stuck to his body like glue, it was uncomfortable but Qhar'in stuck with it since his friend gave it to him. Clare stood in the doorway with a questioning stare, her cane dragging across the floor in a slow arc. 

"Hello human Clare! It has been a while since we had time to meeeet!" Qhar'in could hardly keep himself stable as Clare launched herself at him, pulling him into a tight hug, her face lighting up from hearing his voice.

"Haha! How's it going Qhar!? Come, come I have to show you something!" Clare quickly got off, pulling along her friend, the door sliding shut behind him. She led him to the living room, where a wooden piano sat in the corner by a large window overlooking the endless expanse of space.

"Human, I was sure that I miss heard you, but now that I see it I do not understand. Why do you have a piano in your home? I thought you were blind, or do humans re-grow parts of their body's?" Qhar'in scratched his dorsal fin at the back of his head. 

"I am blind silly! And no, it human biology doesn't work like that. But that doesn't stop me from playing music! Besides, haven't you heard of Beethoven? He was deaf, but he could still play." Qhar'in roled his eyes as she sat down on the stool facing the keyboard. He wasn't going to lie, he was impressed by how humans could do the impossible despite whatever affliction that they may have. 

"Yes, but he could still see what he was doing " He deadpanned, much to the dismay of Clare. 

"Yeah, whatever! You'll also be amazed that I've found out that I've got chro, chrom, uhh, fuck what's it called again?" She snapped her fingers a few times before she seemed to remember. "Chromesthesia! That's it!"

"Chrom-what?"

"Later! Just sit down so I can show you how wrong you are!" True to her word, the moment he sat down on the nearby chouch, the room was filled with slow moving music. "It's Moonlight Sonata, by the way, first movement if you're interested." Qhar'in watched in a daze as her fingers danced along the keyboard faster that he'd geussed, utterly entranced by the music pouring out of the instrument. He had listened to piano music before and fell in love with the complex and haunting sounds it could produce. However listening to it in person was another thing all together. He could see tears the flowed out from her shade, dripping down her cheeks. Her breathing quickly grew unstable as her tears dripped onto the keys, unnoticed by Clare. Her body swayed left and right dramatically, losing herself in the music. 

Qhar'in held his knees with a vice grip, worried about his friend as he watched her cry. He understood that music, as well as other things, could move a human to release liquid from their eyes, but he had never seen it untill now. Slowly the music started to fade away, the spaces between the notes grew longer and longer until she hit six notes twice, dragging them on before releasing the keys for the final time.

Silence ruled over the two of them, only broken up by the soft, sobbing sounds that came from Clare. Timidly, Qhar'in rose from his seat and strolled over to her, placing his damp hands on her shoulders.

"That was beautiful, Clare. Are you okay?" Clare sniffled, taking her shades off to wipe her eyes clear, exposing her gray, dull eyes to the world. 

"Yeah, I'm fine, I just can't get over how beautiful the colours that flash are." She sniffled again, popping bher shades back on.

"Colours that flash? I don't understand. How can you see colours?" Qhar'in kneeled down beside her, lifting one of her hands to his face. It had always calmed her down for some reason. She told him it was one of the ways that she could actually 'see'. It never met sense to him.

"Right, that's the other thing I mentioned. You know how I said that I figured out that I had Chromesthesia? Well, when I hear music I can...see colours. It's hard to describe since I have no idea what they are but every time I play or listen to music. I figured that every blind person saw it so I didn't say anything." 

"You're really stupid, but that is so awesome!" Qhar'in's eyes sparkled with amazement.

"I know right?" She sniffed again, wiping the leftover tears. "With every new song I hear, I see more and more unique colours that I've never seen before. You wanna hear another?"

(Well, there it is. Again, sorry if it's shit. I may love to write but that doesn't mean I'm good ;-;)

Submitted by: @Nightblade64

[welele]

[grlcurves]

i can’t stop watching this i’m …

[angelbabyspice]

what the fuck

[bunjywunjy]

brief reminder that humans are among the best vocal mimics on Earth

[awesomacious]

Magic Skeleton

[humans-are-space-orcs]

humans are magic skeletons 

Thank you to @its-me-gob for sending thing this post over

[finofilipino]

[snatch-daddy]

Give humanity an inhospitable environment to live in and we’ll have fun showing you how cold it is.

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Alien: “What a superb optical illusion” 

Human: “lol, it’s not”

Thank you to @ryunoohi for sending the original post over

[whitepeopletwitter]

[triggeredmedia]

We are the only species that has traveled to the moon an injects themselves with heroin

[humans-are-space-orcs]

we are the only species that does many a things

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Humans Are Weird: Alcohol

Zork’ak was given the mission of studying human behaviors in a group setting. Xe were to check in on them as they worked in their laboratories and join them at both lunch and dinner, as they called it.

Xe was sitting with xer usually group of humans, listening to them discuss their projects and occasionally make “jokes,” which produced a loud and slightly obnoxious sound out of each one of them. Xe had just begun to wonder after all xer research if humans did anything for purpose or just for their own entertainment.

“Zork’ak,” Steve said. He talked with food in his mouth. Zork’ak often wondered if humans took too long to chew and that is why they will talk with the food still in their mouth.

“Yes,” Xe replied politely, attempting to turn the sides of xer mouth up in a “smile.” Xe were under the impression this made the humans more comfortable.

“We’re going to hang out in Carrie’s room after dinner. Do you want to join?”

Zork’ak saw this as a brilliant opportunity to continue xer research. Hopefully, this would be a bonding ritual, and they would begin to trust xem more.

Zork’ak followed the human pack to their quarters and into the room assigned to Carrie. Some of them leaned in a chair or on the bed, most sitting on the floor with their legs either folded or outstretched. All of them were quite close as there were six humans and one Klyl in this room. Zork’ak sat down on the floor, bending xer flippers to mimic Wren next to xem.

Carrie came in a few minutes later, holding bottles of some human liquid. When the human ship first arrive, the commander had all food items examined and allowed the humans to keep what was deemed acceptable. Several of them made loud noises as Carrie sat down bottles of clear liquids and pulled out tall bottles of dark liquids from the small refrigerator in the corner. Adam had placed plastic cups on the desk next to these bottles.

“Alright!” Carrie clapped her hands together. “We got vodka, tequila, gin, and, for you with horrible taste,” she looked at Steve and Adam, “everclear.”

The bottles were distributed around the room, everyone filling these cups. Zork’ak turned down the liquid, observing as cards were spread out in the center of the room. The main objective of this game was for specific people, or everyone, to drink from their cup based on which card they pulled. Zork’ak wondered how each person already knew the rules without explanation. The species seemed to have some unspoken laws about meaning things that made little sense to the Klyls.

As the night progressed, the humans added more liquid to their cups, and their voices increased in volume. The often made that loud noise, more so than normal, as if everything that was said was one of these “jokes.” They seemed to move slower and with more difficulty. After two hours, they abandoned their game all together. They were mostly talking over each other, saying unnecessary things that often made little sense.

Wren leaned onto Zork’ak’s leg at one point, her arms propped on xer leg. Zork’ak knew that humans bonded through touch so xe allowed it. Wren looked up at Zork’ak with one of those smiles. She was unlike herself.

“Zork’ak.” Wren seemed to struggle putting together a word that she said quite frequently. “You’re really great.” Wren then fell back on the ground, staring at the ceiling.

“Thank you, Wren.” Zork’ak was unsure how to respond. “I return the feeling.”

Wren launched upward, which seemed to dizzy her. “We like having you around.” She was staring past Zork’ak, not at xem. “Great friend.” Wren patted Zork’ak on the leg.

“Thank you,” Zork’ak repeated. “What is that in your cup?” It was evident it was some kind of mind altering liquid that they chosen to drink. How foolish!

“It’s booze!” Wren slung the cup towards Zork’ak. “Want some?”

Zork’ak politely declined, and Carrie answer from a few spots over. “This is alcohol. It makes you a little happy. We drink it sometimes, have a lot of fun.”

“And this is safe for you species?” Zork’ak was curious how such a powerful substance made these creatures happy.

“I mean, if you drink too much it can hurt your liver. Or you can black out and not remember anything. And it’s really like poison basically, so must people end up throwing it up. That sucks because then you have a hangover the next day. It’s like the worst headache ever and you feel so sick.”

“Then why would you drink something poisonous for your body?”

Carrie shrugged and gestured around her. “It makes you feel… different. A good different. And look at these people. It’s funny to watch.”

Zork’ak was not sure xe would ever understand this species.

Submitted by: @nonbinarygaymergirl

[caramel-poptart]

Now taking submissions for the podcast!

I am looking for a short story from the “humans are weird/ space orcs/space Australians/space fae tags. I’ll select some of the best submissions and put it up for audience vote, the winner will be narrated in part of the podcast. (Separate from the main story, kinda like the weather section of wtnv)

Please make sure your submission is:

Well written.

Friendly for all ages

Only one part- I’ll probably do the first section of multi-chapter works later, but for now I’d like to keep it simple

Have all names “pronounceable to the human tongue” please. And if the names are weird please send a pronunciation guide with your submission.

Preferably yours. If you REALLY like a story you’ve seen on here you can suggest it, along with a way to find the authors profile to ask permission.

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Preparing for war

This is just an idea I had about how weird aliens would think we are about getting ready for a fight. It’s kinda long, so sorry for the longwindedness. 

Raztahk volunteered for the assignment. Xe’d always heard about the Humans and their long history of bloody wars and their various death-implements.

The objective was simple; in order to colonize a perfectly habitable world, the indigenous, highly deadly parasitic arachnoids needed to be exterminated. Humans, given their war-like nature, and willingness to die in such conditions, were the logical choice to send. Raztahk knew the dangers, but who could pass up a chance to witness human combat firsthand?

Xe shouldered his personal defense disintergrator and looked at the human-medic Kate, who simply had her med-kit and a small human armament…..a pistol, he heard it called. The drop-pod was starting to rumble as it began the decent into the outer atmosphere.

Xe looked around at the various human-warrior tribes. He knew who belonged to which group based on their dermal paintings, and the symbols in their clothing. They had separated into their groups and were performing strange rituals. 

The ones who had painted their enviro-suits in Terran-mocking colors were standing in a circle, holding their hands. The tallest one spoke, “Be not that far from me, for trouble is near; Haste Thee to help me. Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teacheth my hands to war, and my fingers to fight. My goodness, and my fortress; My high tower, and my deliverer; My shield, and he in whom I trust; Who subdueth my people under me. O my God, I trust in thee: Let me not be ashamed, Let not mine enemies triumph over me.”

Another group, who painted their EV-Suits black as an event horizon, hit each other’s helmets, and yelled together, “STAY LOW, GO FAST, KILL FIRST, DIE LAST, ONE SHOT, ONE KILL, NO LUCK, ALL SKILL”.

And the final group, who drew human skulls on the helmets, commenced to hitting their own sternum and helmets, and made screaming noises for what seemed like minutes. 

Raztahk look at human-medic Kate in bewilderment. “Human-Kate…..what are they doing?”

Kate just shrugged her shoulders and said, “Getting hyped up.”

Xe looked at her questioningly.

“You know, hyped. Stoked. Excited? It’s kind of like psychological warfare.”

“But human-kate, the target species is not yet in sight. We haven’t even landed.”

“No no, big guy. It’s like doing Psy-war on yourself”

Both of xis eyestalks stood straight up in fear. What kind of insane species mentally abused itself to prepare for combat?

Submitted by: DancesInFlipFlops

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Self-Healing

            In addition to multiple posts I've seen about humans surviving injuries against all odds, we also tend to ignore injuries, letting our bodies take care of the damage. Got a broken nose? Eh, it heals itself. Cut your leg open? Slap on some ointment and some gauze; it'll be fine. Got a concussion? A little ice and time and you'll be fine. So many of us will suffer through pain and fevers and awful physical problems and assume the body will heal itself.

            Zork'ak was in the dining hall when the humans returned from their "cliff diving." Several of them were laughing, but a few were clutching their head or their nose. Zork'ak rose to meet them, xer eyes cutting to the hurt members of the pack.

            "Did your trip go well?" Xe asked.

            Adam smiled. "Yeah, yeah really fun."

            "Yeah, my broken nose was definitely really fun." Wren muttered. Her hand was indeed covering her face with thin material catching what looked to be blood.

            "Shouldn't you go to the medical wing?" Zork'ak asked.

            Wren shrugged. "It'll stop and heal itself."

            "Your body just regenerates broken extremities?" Zork'ak was more and more afraid of this species every time xe interacted with them.

            "Not regenerate, per say," Carrie answered to Zork'ak's right. "It'll just heal broken bones and cartilage. Once I got in a wicked fight, got two or three broken ribs. Hurt like a bitch."

            "And these bones? Do they also heal themselves?"

            "Oh, yeah. All of our bones heal themselves. You just have to make sure you get it set right. Usually ribs and noses they can't do anything about."

            Zork'ak was shocked, unsure of what to say, when xe noticed Jessica standing behind Carrie clutching her head. "Is Jessica well?"

            Jessica looked up then, squinting at the light. "Concussion," she said.

            "What is a 'concussion?'" Xe were almost afraid of the answer.

            "It's when you hit your head real hard and it hurts pretty bad. It can make things disorienting." Carrie was looking at Jessica.

            "Our medical staff should assess the damage from Jessica's brain injury."

            Carrie shook her head. "We gave her some pain reliever, and I'm taking her to her room. She just needs it to be dark and to rest."

            With that, Carrie took Jessica down the corridor, and Zork'ak returned to xer seat.  

The humans sat around xem at xer empty table.

            "Hurts like hell, man. Not cool," Steve was muttering.

            "Oh, he was being nice. I would've hit you real hard." Reese smirked.

            "Are you all having a disagreement? A physical fight?" Zork'ak was alarmed. These humans could inflict extreme damage.

            "Oh, no." Adam was laughing. "Steve got a sunburn, and I hit him on the back. It was pretty fun."

            "You're an asshole," Steve said as he took a bite of his stew.

            "A 'sunburn?'" Clearly the Klyl's did not know anything about humans.

            "Yeah. We have to put on a layer of sunscreen, like a protective lotion, or it'll burn our skin. Kill the top layer."

            Zork'ak was gaping. "Our sun harms your skin?"

            "Well, it' not as strong as our sun, but yes. We can still get burned."

            "We must take you to the burn unit at once. We cannot allow you all to go outside if the sun is killing your skin layers." Zork'ak started to rise from the bench.

            Steve shook his head. "Give it a few days. It goes way. The body replaces those cells with new ones."

            Xe sank back onto xer seat. "Is there anything your body cannot heal?"

            "Oh, yeah. Some infections and diseases, heart problems, cancer. Things like that."

            "But normal, everyday things," Adam said, "We heal ourselves."

            Zork'ak wondered how the scorching of one's skin or the breaking of a bone was an 'everyday' thing, but xe was unsure of everything xe had learned before these humans arrived. Xe needed to see the commander.

submitted by: @nonbinarygaymergirl

[humans-are-space-orcs]

Thrill Junkies

So this is probably a topic that has been discussed, but I’d like to add a new story. Humans do some pretty weird things, survive situations against all odds, and defy most logic. But what about thrill seekers? They often risk their lives just to obtain a specific feeling. Imagine aliens attempting to understand these activities.

Zork'ak was passing a laboratory on xer right when xe heard the humans inside yelling what xe thought to be insults. Xe paused outside the room to see the humans huddled around the window against the back wall.

           "Just do it you wimp,“ Jessica was saying to Steve.

           Adam pushed him. “Come on. It’s not hard.”

           Steve was shaking his head. “I hate heights, guys.”

           Carrie was laughing and pulled herself up onto the ledge of the window, twisting to face the building. “Whatever. Just stay down here.” She stood up, her legs vanishing.

           Zork'ak rushed in, grabbing Kai as she moved towards the window. Xe had heard of a ‘sadness,’ and emotion Klyl’s did not feel, could lead a human to take their own life. Xe had been warned that many humans would jump from great heights to complete this action.

           "What are you doing!“ Xe exclaimed.

           Adam touched Zork'ak’s shoulder. "Relax. We’re just climbing up to the roof.”

           "I am concerned for your well-being. Are you all feeling the sadness.“

           The four humans laughed wildly at that. "No, we are not depressed,” Kai said. She walked over to the window. “We’re just going up to the roof for lunch.”

           Zork'ak backed out of the room and peered into the neighboring lab. Their window was open, and Wren was yelling out of the window and up above her. Soon Zork'ak saw these humans begin to climb out, too. Xe rushed forward again; this time seeking explanation.

           "Reese! What is the meaning of this?“

           The human turned around, smiling at xem. "We’re just going up to the roof. Come with us.”

           Against xer better judgement, Zork'ak wanted to see what the humans were doing. It took all four of xer arms and xer talons dug into the concrete to climb up onto the room. Xe found all fourteen of the laboratory workers sitting around the roof. Some were laying on their backs, others eating food, a couple were even on the ledge of the roof. Zork'ak sat down near a group of humans in the center.

           "You would hate skydiving,“ Adam was saying to Steve.

           Carrie took a bite out of an apple, an odd Earth fruit. "Have you been?”

           Adam nodded. “Pretty damn fun if you ask me.”

           "I’ve been bungee jumping,“ Wren interjected. "You want to talk about a thrill.”

           Jessica walked up behind Zork'ak. “I’ve done both.” She sat down next to xem.

           "So which ones better?“ Carrie asked.

           Jessica leaned back on her elbows. "Skydiving is more fun, but bungee jumping is more thrilling.”

           Zork'ak cleared xer throat. “What is this ‘skydiving’ and 'bungee jumping.’”

           Jessica laughed. “Well, skydiving is where you jump out of a plan and free fall towards the ground, and then you open a parachute before you get too close, and you land. Bungee jumping is tying a rope to your leg, and then you jump off something really high, and the cord will yank you back just before you hit the ground.”

           Zork'ak was puzzled. “Is this a training tactic?”

           Adam looked at xem. “No, no. It’s just fun.”

           "Thrilling,“ Wren added.

           "You find falling to your death and trusting a cord or fabric to catch you before you hit the ground fun?”

           They all nodded. “Pretty much,” Jessica said.

           After lunch, Zork'ak rushed to the commander’s office. Xe found the commander at zis desk. “Commander!” Zork'ak burst into the room. “I have new information about human 'enjoyment.’”

           Ze stood up. “Yes? What is it?”

           "These humans, they enjoy jumping from tall heights or out of an air craft and falling towards the ground.“

           "We already have that documented. That is-” the commander flipped open his book, scanning the pages, “suicide.”

           "No, no,“ Zork'ak said. "They use a cord or piece of fabric to catch themselves just before they crash into the ground. They call it 'thrilling.’”

           The commander rubbed his face. “Hmm. This is indeed a new subject. I will have Gneomm conduct an experiment with some of our humans to obtain more information. Thank you for bringing this to my attention.”

           A few days later, Zork'ak was moving down the corridor to xer office when xe saw most of the laboratory humans again. They waved to xem, and they all were wearing strange outfits and carrying bags on their backs.

           "Are you all going on an expedition?“ Zork'ak asked.

           Wren shook her head. "No, we’re going cliff diving.”

           "There’s some pretty wicked ones a few miles downstream, makes for some hikes,“ Adam said as he walked past.

           ”'Cliff diving?’“ Zork'ak asked.

           "It’s where you climb to the highest cliff, a tall piece of rock that juts out over the river, and then you jump.”

           Zork'ak would have gasped if Klyl’s could. “Does this not hurt you?”

           Wren shrugged. “If you land wrong or don’t jump far enough out, it can.”

           "And you take this risk?“

           Carrie laughed as followed the others. "Hell yeah. You just do it right, and it’s really fun.”

           Wren smiled and walked alongside Carrie, wishing Zork'ak a good evening. Xe was frozen for a moment as xe watched the humans walk down the corridor. Xe took off in the opposite direction, bursting into the commander’s office again. “Commander,” Xe gasped. “I have more information.

Submitted by: @nonbinarygaymergirl