whatever you say, my liege

an account for a humble and loyal advisor who would never dream of trying to usurp the throne or seize power for themself, what would ever make you think that?

[humbleadvisor]

good morrow, my liege

it is I, your humblest and most loyal of advisors with absolutely no designs on your throne or your power whatsoever. should you wish to know more about me, I invite you to read on.

allow me to introduce myself: I am but a humble advisor, among the most loyal and trusted of your palace staff. I live to serve, and always aim to put your best interests above all else in the face of even the greatest challenges. whether you take my advice is truly your prerogative.

you may address me as your dear advisor, your loyal advisor, your most trusted advisor, or whatever other honorific you see fit to bestow upon me. should you wish, you may address me as sir advisor or lady advisor.

I am a well-lived adult, and my accolades are long and storied: I have experience as an eligible young lady, a gentleman, a butler, a manservant, a lady-in-waiting, an ornamental hermit, a sworn knight, and a brief stint as a palace wizard.

some notes on my profession:

I am at your service for all of your royal rp needs. you may call upon me by messaging me directly, reblogging my personal missives, or tagging me. as this blog is a side blog, I shall always appear as anonymous in your ask box, but rest assured that I shall always sign my missives as your advisor, and reblog your answers to this blog.

while I am well versed in the world of courtly romance and scandal, I do not wish to participate in any such couplings myself, as I take the professionalism of my station quite seriously. I am not opposed to advising on such matters, but rest assured that I shall never be drawn into them myself. for you I serve the purpose of adding whimsy and intrigue to your royal affairs, and carrying out your will in the capacity of an advisor.

I shall always call you by your proper title, should you employ me in your court. you may request that I call you my liege, my lady, sire, madame, your majesty, your highness, or whatever else is appropriate.

any rumors you may have heard that state that I am an “evil advisor” are greatly exaggerated and not to be trusted.

fare well, my liege, and may our paths cross again soon.

[the-scheming-eunuch]

You're writing letters to the king, I am whispering in his ear. We are not the same.

[but-a-licentious-prince]

Consider: the prince is autistic and must be present for the festivities.

He may not be the heir but people will notice if the second-born isn’t in attendance.

The cooks changed the recipe for tonight’s meal (it was supposed to be his favorite but now it’s different). Mother insisted on the breeches that felt like ants crawling about his skin. The minstrels play too close to his ear. The sound of chewing and clinking glasses and uproarious laughter is all too much.

But the royal family is seated in the back of the room. Upon the dais to be adored and cheered and seen. Her Royal Majesty is to his left, giving him sharp glances that tell him to stop bouncing his knee, but what is he to do?

Is there any escape when tears blur his vision and the scream tries to rip itself from his throat?

[humbleadvisor]

such unfair treatment indeed, sire…………..might I venture to suggest that with yourself upon the throne, such injurious acts would be a thing of the distant past, and punished fairly? ah……but perhaps I overstep. surely such a fair and innocent prince as yourself could have no designs of his own upon the throne……………..

[deep-state-partisan]

[knightclubbing]

worry not my lord, allow me to unscrew that jar for you. i would not want for you to strain your hand or break a nail. alright. hmm. HMMMM. HNNNGRGHHHHHH. HNNGGHHHH HRRRRRGHHH. AAAAAARGHHHHHHH fucking. squire fetch me my grippy gloves

[humbleadvisor]

my liege have you considered putting a rubber band around the lid before twisting….

[humbleadvisor]

my liege, I understand the great value you see in the ministrations of the cursed amulet but might I convince you to part with it at least an hour before you retire for the night? I am told it shall improve your sleep tenfold

[everyday-cutephoto]

[gauntletqueen]

"that's right, your majesty! You are in dire need of a new freezer... Do not concern yourself with the large cardboard container in which it shall be delivered! Just let your lowly advisor take care of that..."

[robobrat]

most knights in the palace are off duty for the feast tonight, but my chosen remains at my shoulder.

i don't let him miss out on the festivities, though. and if i hand-feed him from my own plate, nobody will think twice. just a prince taking care of his favorite

[humbleadvisor]

sire some of the other knights are becoming frustrated that your favorite may be so attended to while they must attend the watch duty in shifts during the feast. shall I put them in the dungeon for a little bit or….?

[tentacleteapot]

can I fucking help you, my liege

[humbleadvisor]

compiling a selection of some of my favorite role models in the profession of royal advising

[robobrat]

there's a reason all the ladies-in-waiting keep disappearing from my court. i'm giving each one T and putting him in a set of armor and letting him pledge his oath to me as my knight

[humbleadvisor]

sire perhaps you ought to hesitate before revealing the secrets behind your kingdom’s military might upon such a public forum……

[cryptotheism]

I'm pretty sure my consorts would still fw me if I wasn't the emperor

[humbleadvisor]

of course, my liege, and of course if they happen not to fw you should you somehow be ousted from your throne you shall always have me, your most trusted advisor :)

[angsty-violet]

My current schemes have been put on hold because my lieges are staying with me. Do you think they'd notice the plotting their downfall? Asking for a friend.

[robobrat]

"why does it have to always be about knights?" because there's nothing hotter than a hulking mass of metal who could kill me with a flick of his wrist but instead gets on his knees and trembles as he restrains himself from begging for my touch. i'm not going to get that from some fur trader or councilor, am i?

[humbleadvisor]

quite right sire, you keep quite honorable company indeed……….certainly it shall not do to associate thusly with any man not sworn to an oath of sincerest loyalty to your service. and perhaps other matters of your rule ought only to be left to those councilors whom you can trust……….

[dailycatsblog]

[the-composite-doll]

Wait is that THIS cat?

IT IS

[robotdwarf]

Turns out the scheming eunuch's love for you is genuine

[humbleadvisor]

my liege, have you considered that perhaps your latest bout of malfeasance is indeed due to the approaching weather and not the nefarious curse placed upon you by a wicked sorcerer? shall I send the palace wizard to fetch you an elixir of vitamin D and summon your lamp of daylight? no, you believe ‘tis still the curse? very well, my liege. but let me know if you wish to try the elixir of vitamin D anyway.