Kurasa masa depan jauh lebih menyenangkan untuk dibayangkan jika kamu yang jadi terakhirku. Memelukmu, menciummu, memilikimu setiap hari tanpa harus takut akan kehilangan lagi.
(via mbeeer)
Sayangnya hidup yang seperti itu hanya imajinasi belaka.
Ada cinta yang jauh lebih tulus pada mereka-mereka yang mencintai padahal tidak bisa memiliki.
Ada hati yang begitu besar mau berbagi pada mereka-mereka yang diam-diam mencintai hati yang telah dimiliki oleh orang lain.
Ada juga jiwa-jiwa yang begitu ikhlas tak kunjung mendapatkan meski sehari-harinya menemani kemana pun tubuh itu pergi.
Cinta terkadang memang seperti itu.
Yang jauh lebih tulus ada pada mereka-mereka
yang justru tak bisa untuk saling memiliki.
"Yang waktu itu, soal Tangkahan, katanya kamu mau ke sana, kok gak jadi?"
"Ohh, iya temanku nggak ada yang sempat, aku juga nggak bisa. Eh, gimana nanti kalo minggu depan ke Tangkahan, kita berdua, kan kamu pernah ke sana."
"Hmm... Boleh."
"Aku juga pengen ajak ayah ibuku juga, mereka nggak pernah jalan-jalan selama aku tugas disini, gimana? kamu mau?"
"Ajak mereka? Terus aku gimana?"
"Hmm... Kamu jadi temanku aja sementara, jangan pacar dulu."
"Aku gak dikenalin?"
"Nggak, gak usah dulu, kamu mau yah."
"Iya, nggak apa-apa."
Percakapan kita, hanya 4 hari sebelum aku pulang ke rumah orang tuaku. Sedikit mengejutkan, harusnya hal yang seperti itu dipersiapkan jauh hari, bukan mendadak, seminggu sebelum hari H. Ketika aku tiba di rumah, aku meminta bantuan orang tuaku untuk mempersiapkan segala kebutuhan pemberangkatan. Karena mereka yang sudah sering ke sana. Dengan sukarela mereka mau. Aku sangat bersyukur pada mereka. Persiapan sudah disiapkan dari armada hingga penginapan.
Sebelum hari H, di hari selasa, kami bertemu, melepas rindu. Bertemu di pusat perbelanjaan terbaru di kota kami. Sesuai rencana, kami bertemu di siang hari, di kafe kopi amerika. Hari itu aku rencanakan untuk kencan dengannya. Makan sebentar di resto jepang dan berbelanja. Setelahnya aku ajak dia untuk kencan, menikmati dessert di salah satu cafe yang cukup elegan. Sayangnya, sejak dari awal pertemuan dia merasa perutnya sakit dan semakin menjadi-jadi setelah lama disana. Kencan yang kurencanakan itu gagal, tak seperti yang kuharapkan. Pulang, ditengah hujan yang sedang mereda. Dia ingin mengantarku hingga ke rumah, tapi tak sampai, karena sakit yang tertahankan.
Hari H tiba, Kamis. Aku menjemputnya saat subuh menjelang. Menjemput kedua orangtuanya, dia, dan adik lelakinya. Perjalanan menuju Tangkahan di tempuh selama 3,5 jam. Jalan yang dilalui tanpa kemacetan yang berarti, hanya 10 km menuju tujuan dengan medan yang cukup parah. Jalan dengan batu kerikil kasar tanpa pengaspalan. Kami tiba tepat waktu. Bertemu dengan guide yang dijanjikan ayahku sebelumnya lewat telpon. Kami beristirahat sebentar di cafe dan penginapan. Wisata alamnya adalah penangkaran gajah dan menyusuri sungai Batang Serangan. Gajahnya dikelola dan dipelihara oleh BKSDA. Pengunjung dapat menikmati beberapa fasilitas yang disediakan, seperti memandikan, menunggangi, ataupun trekking dengan gajah. Dari ketiganya kami memilih untuk memandikan gajah. Biayanya sangat mahal hanya untuk sekedar memandikan mereka di sungai. Tapi kesan yang didapatkan tak akan ada di tempat lain. Jam 9 gajah dikeluarkan dari kandang, digiring ke pemandian di pinggir sungai. Gajah-gajah itu sudah sangat jinak, mematuhi semua perintah pawangnya.
Aku hanya menjadi reporter dari kejauhan, mengabadikan semua momen mereka sekeluarga. Karena sementara ini diriku bukan sesiapa untuk mereka. Kegiatan itu sangat menyenangkan, tidak ada satupun wajah sedih yang terekam, mereka amat bahagia, terutama ibu dan ayahnya.
Setelah itu, kami melanjutkan tur, menyusuri sungai dengan ban. Airnya tidak jernih seperti terakhir kali aku ke sana, kali ini coklat berlumpur, tapi masi alami, tidak ada limbah industri yang mencemarinya. Sepanjang 2 km kami menyusuri sungai, menyinggahi 2 air terjun kecil. Sepanjang perjalanan, si pemandu menceritakan pengalaman-pengalamannya selama bekerja, keadaan alam, kondisi gajah, dan bahkan tentang orang tuaku yang memang mereka sering bertemu setiap kali ayah dan ibuku berkunjung ke Tangkahan. Agak canggung ketika si pemandu mengolok-olok namanya yang kebetulan sama dengan nama gajah yang dirawat di sana.
Sampai kami dititik pemberhentian, menuju parkiran, mobil sudah menunggu. Kemudian kami kembali ke penginapan, mandi, makan dan beristirahat. Menjelang sore kami pulang. Sepanjang perjalanan aku tak tidur, duduk berdua disebelahnya. Menciptakan momen yang mungkin bisa jadi tak terulang.
Malam menjelang, dan tiba dirumahnya. Aku dan dia berjabat tangan untuk berpisah sementara waktu dihadapan orangtuanya, masih menutup diri jika kami sebenarnya adalah sepasang kekasih.
Why are you sobbing?
We always have moments, plans, and future together. Optimist.
No one and no things can distract ourself to separate us.
Every time you say, we're not able to forever. I agree.
Nobody can live forever. But live together.
I and You support, complete, fill, and want each other.
How beautiful the love, covered in longing, recklessness, desperation, and complexity of feels. Longing for her is getting madness. I rashly booked a ticket to Makassar. Met her. The woman who promised not to come to my place because of her job, but she chose to vacation. Deeply disappointed with her decision, it is undeniable that I was indeed not her priority, not like she always repeated many times. “You always become my priority”.
The day before she arrived in Makassar, I bought a ticket to Makassar hesitant. I chose flight that arrived earlier than her. At first I wanted to surprise her as she came out of the arrival gate. But the doubt came. How if she refuse me? How if she hate me? If it isn’t happen, how if I mess up of her vacation plans? Because of my doubts and I don’t want to take a risk, I finally contacted her. Early in the morning while she was transiting in Banjarbaru I contacted her. Another failed surprise. Among anger, disappointment, and happy she accepted me to visit and accompany her in Makassar. She assured me that her plans wasn’t disturbed.
I arrived at Makassar earlier than her. I waited her in fast food restaurant that close to arrival gate. I saw her walking toward me from a distance. She wasn’t look tired at all, there was only a happy smile with glasses hanging over her nose and red lips. How beauty is she, if she knows. We were picked up by her friend. Actually she has been preparing her vacation plans, guided by her friend, from pick-up place to any destination. But, because I suddenly accompanied her, her plans was a little interrupted. We had dinner in Makassar. Mi Titi, the first cuisine that we tasted. Almost excited with the serving but destroyed by the taste. After that, we were escorted to hotel. We rested. Before sleep, I tell her my disappointment, my irritation, I feel like I was betrayed by the trust I had made. She apologized, and I forgive her.
First day. As we planned, we went to Fort Rotterdam. An old fort which was built during The Kingdom of Gowa Tallo in the 15th century. Inside the complex, I was like entering European cities, the architecture is Dutch-style. Although it’s well-maintained, but the old building complex looks chaotic. It's because many vehicles parked in every corners of the building. Something attracted us a bit was the hundreds of junior high school students who danced in the center of the complex. They practiced as the part of preparing for Gerakan 1000 Menari which would held in the city. Then, we went to Trans Studio Makassar. An indoor theme park. For the first time I had fun in the theme park since I was elementary. Unfortunately, every rides wasn’t challenging, probably because of the indoor location and pretty narrow. We also watched a play that was held there. Again, for the first time of my life I watched a play. In the afternoon, we went to Losari beach. Many street vendors selling local snacks of Makassar. Pisang Epe. The second cuisine we tasted. The night before, we returned to the hotel on foot.
We were starving in the middle of night. We had no food, no cafe or restaurant nearby that is open until night. At 11 pm we made delivery order. After an hour waiting, our food arrived. We ordered coto, Makassar cuisine. Unfortunately, Hotel does not provide cutlery. We enjoyed coto with drinking glass which is provided by hotel. A little fact about food presentation is true. Suggestion of serving is number one to improve appetite. Proven to us, with unsuitable serving we could not enjoy the food. While waiting order, I unintentionally offended her. My words are actually compliments, but I mistakenly expose them, she became angry. She kept angry while we ate, though she fed me until I was full. At bedtime she still mad at me. A misunderstanding that brought her to anger. The next morning, her anger fall off.
The true holiday began on the next day. We planned to go to Samalona island and Kodingarengkeke. We have prepared on the morning. Before leaving, we had breakfast. Coto Nusantara. The real coto that placed in Jalan Nusantara. At 9 am, that small restaurant are crowded, the tables were full, and many queuing up. We were lucky enough, in the crowd we got a table just left by the customer. We ordered the main course. Coto, the spice-rich cuisine, fits perfectly with our tongue which used to spicy food.
Then, we went to Khayangan dock, a little dock in front of Fort Rotterdam which provide boat to Samalona and Kodingarengkeke. Guide who is also helmsman was available there. The price is very expensive. However, after a long bargain, we’re finally agreed. The trip to Samalona Island is pretty fast, just 15 minutes, passing ship that will anchor in makassar harbor. Arrived at Samalona, we walked twice around the island, enjoyed sun burn.
The water is blue with white sand and view of of Makassar looks very beautiful. Unfortunately, the island seemed grungy because of the many homestays that built there. After rented snorkeling equipment, we continued trip to Kodingarengkeke, the closest snorkeling spot. Kodingarengkeke is about 15 minutes from Samalona Island. The scenery is wonderful. Small island with white beach, clear sea, and coral reefs. She, who from the beginning was eager to snorkel, indulge herself with swimming, watching underwater, enjoying the heat of the sun. Kodingareng is actually a sandbar, but has built view towers that I think is quite destructive to its naturalness. The island’s width is only half the football field. Very small, but its beauty is immeasurable.
During the day, we had lunch with soup and grilled konro. Konro karebosi located east of the Karebosi field. Afterwards, we bought a variety of souvenirs in Somba Opu, Makassar souvenir center. In the evening, we went to Andalas Street, enjoying Sop Saudara, the fourth culinary. From morning until night, our meal is meat, meat, and meat. At 8 pm, we came by mall. Actually we wanted to go to Starbucks, but because another misunderstanding, we canceled it. It was triggered because my fault. We were both at disagree, but each of us could withstand anger. We came back to hotel, before go bed, we reconcile and forgive each other.
Sunday, we’ve prepared to go back. We’re been picked up by her friend. We had breakfast in Pallu Basa Restaurant at Jalan Serigala. The main course is Pallu Basa. I think Pallu Basa and Coto is closely related. They have same ingredients, the different is Pallu Basa eat with rice while Coto eat with ketupat. Pallu Basa is served with or without Burasa, a raw yolk. It's delicious but its yolk lowers my appetite. The last cuisine, we had dessert in Rumah Makan Muda-Mudi, ordered Pisang Ijo, the most famous street foods. Pisang Ijo, the thing that dispute us the night before. Before heading to the airport, we visited Bantimurung National Park. Once there, we were very surprised, the area was crowded by thousands of visitors. Very crowded, so we could not enjoy every spot. Although there are waterfalls, caves, and butterfly parks. With expensive tickets and very crowded, it feels very unsatisfactory. We spent an hour, then we headed to the airport.
At the airport, we checked in at different counter, because we had different destination and airline. My flight was 10 minutes earlier than her. Last minutes before flight, while we were spending time together, talking, we realized that something lost. My hat and a box of her souvenirs. I remember I lost my hat at the security checkpoint, but we forgot where we lost the box. We searching ever spot that we stop by. Then we remembered, we lost it at ATM, I just put that box on the machine and forgot to take it back. On ATM the box is gone, we tried to ask to information center. Thank Godness they saved it. We so thankful to them, and for the person that gave the box to security. The person we didn’t know who and where s/he is. We’re praying a good for him/her. About my hat, I didn’t really care. It just because I think it didn’t fit for my head. So, let it lost.
The farewell was so sore. I thought I wouldn’t able to see her again, or if I would see her it will be a long waiting. I wanted to stop the time, enjoy the last moment with her. But we aren’t living in the fiction world, I had to let her go. But thank God, I will always see her, like her promised.
Some words from her that really really shocking me is while we was walking to departure gate, she ask something that I never ever thought before,
Terima kasih telah menangis karena ku. Sungguh itu teramat menyadarkanku, betapa kamu sangat menginginkannya, kelanjutan hidup bersamaku. Aku pun begitu, menanti, agar bisa hidup bersamamu, selamanya, kelak.
Kita mencintai. Satu dan yang lain.
Hidup ini perlahan-lahan hanya untuk bertahan hidup jika suatu saat aku tak bersamamu.
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