Poppy laid on her side, watching the clock as it changed to 3:23 AM. Behind her, she could hear Celine’s even breathing, grounding and relaxing. But despite how calming the sound of her wife’s restful slumber was, she couldn’t help but feel wide awake.
The reason for this restlessness was situated across the room from their bed; a crib, empty, except for the small lion toy and light yellow blankets inside of it. Celine had placed their daughter in her nursery’s crib instead of the one in their bedroom tonight, and it was making Poppy’s skin crawl not to be able to see their baby, still only three weeks old, in front of her.
Perhaps she’d accidentally picked up more than just the girls’ separation anxiety about their respective partners, and had gotten their separation anxiety surrounding their respective children, too.
She sighed. Well, it might help her sleep if she could at least see her daughter again before she attempted to fall asleep.
Poppy crept out of bed as gently as she could, careful not to disturb her wife. It was the least she could do after she carried their child for the last nine months. She was just as careful with cracking open their bedroom door and closing it again, although she cringed at the slight creak of the hinges. She’d have to oil them soon.
She slowly walked down the hall towards the nursery, making sure to be extra quiet when she treaded past two doors in particular. Rumi’s old bedroom leaked noises out of it from the crack under the door. Loud snores, signaling Mira’s unconsciousness, mixed with Zoey’s soft voice mumbling nonsense in response to each snore to create a cacophony of sound, one that covered up Rumi’s own soft snoring. The next room over was even louder somehow, a byproduct of all three of their daughters having inherited Mira’s volume of snoring. The fact that their lungs were able to produce noises that loud when they were only a year old almost filled Poppy up with pride for her granddaughters.
(They had been staying here for the last month or so to keep an eye on Celine, and now, the baby, and would still be here for another few weeks. It was nice having them all here, but she could tell the triplets were antsy to get back to their own home, and she could see the mounting frustration on Zoey and Mira’s faces at not being to have sex as often while here. No doubt they were all eager to go home as soon as they could.)
The room after that was her destination. Poppy slowly cracked open the door. She was met with a gently glowing figure standing hunched over the side of her daughter’s crib.
It would’ve been a frightening sight to many. But to Poppy, it was just her older daughter watching her baby sister.
Rumi didn’t immediately turn to face her, so Poppy figured she just hadn’t heard her enter. “Hey,” she whispered, hoping to not startle her eldest.
The half-demon didn’t startle, and instead, she turned her head to face Poppy while she trudged over to the crib, a small smile on her face. “Hey,” she whispered back.
Perhaps seven years ago, Poppy wouldn’t have noticed anything wrong with her smile. But she knew Rumi now, loved her, considered her her own child. She could see the tension in her face, and how strained her smile was.
Poppy frowned. Once she made it over to her daughters, she peered down at Hayun’s sleeping face, and breathed a sigh of relief. Rumi let out a chuckle of understanding; she could remember her, Mira, and Zoey having been the same way about their three daughters, and now they could commiserate on this, too.
Once she allowed herself a moment of relief, however, she turned to Rumi, and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
Rumi jumped, clearly not expecting to hear Poppy ask about her. “Wha- uh, nothing. Nothing’s wrong. Why do you ask?” She shuffled nervously.
Poppy squeezed her shoulder. “Because I can tell you’re thinking about something, and it’s a something that is making you upset.” Her other hand came up to cup Rumi’s cheek, and she was slightly delighted to feel Rumi leaning into her touch.
Rumi’s eyes bounced around the room, her face conveying conflictedness. Eventually, they landed on baby Hayun. She sighed in resignation. “It’s…it’s dumb…”
Poppy kissed her cheek. “Not if it made you upset, it isn’t.”
Rumi’s thumb rubbed against the wood of the crib. “It’s just…I keep looking at her. And then I look at how you look at her. And I wonder…” Her eyes met Poppy’s, nervous and wet. Whatever she was thinking about was probably gonna hurt some feelings, Poppy realized.
“I wonder…” The half-demon took in a shaky breath, “If you ever looked at me the same way, before you…” Rumi’s lip trembled, and the wetness in her eyes began to spill over. “Before you left me. And then I realize you couldn’t’ve, because you wouldn’t’ve left if you had.”
Her heart broke in two. “Oh, sweetheart.” She cupped the sides of Rumi’s face and brought her down for a hug, one of her hands moving to rub her back while her daughter shook in her arms. Clawed hand gripped her sleep shirty tightly, but Poppy cared little about whether or not they would rip the fabric.
“Why, Eomeoni?” Rumi sobbed, “Why couldn’t I have been enough?”
“You were enough, Ruru,” Poppy replied, pulling away slightly to look her in the eyes. She kissed her eldest’s cheek, ignoring the salty tears that caught on her lips. “You were more than enough; you were perfect. You are perfect.” She rubbed away any falling tears (both Rumi’s and her own) with her hand. Her heart trembled painfully with every sniffle and whimper Rumi let out. “I was just too much of a spiteful, jealous coward to see it.”
“I’m sorry,” Rumi whispered, voice nasally, “I shouldn’t have…shouldn’t have brought it up.”
“No,” Poppy told her firmly, “You have every right to bring it up. It makes perfect sense you’d be thinking about that now.”
“Still, it feels mean to remind you of something that you grew past seven years ago.”
“You haven’t reminded me of anything. Even now, seven year later, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t regret missing the first 24 of your life.” Poppy kissed her daughter’s cheek again. “I’m sorry, Rumi. I love you so much.”
Rumi tucked her head under her chin, a bit of a tough maneuver considering she was taller than Poppy by about two inches. “I love you, too, Eomeoni, I-”
Startled, the two of them pulled apart to look down into the crib, where Hayun had begun wailing, likely awoken by the sound of her mother and sister’s crying.
Rumi winced. “Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to-”
Poppy shook her head, “No, no, you’re fine.” She reached into the crib, and picked up her younger daughter, rocking her to calm her down. “Shh, it’s okay Hayun, Eomeoni’s here, and so is your sister. We’re alright now, darling, we’re alright.” She pecked the top of Hayun’s scrunched up forehead.
The baby did not stop crying, and in fact showed no signs of stopping. Poppy settled in for what was definitely gonna be several minutes of trying to calm her down.
Luckily, a savior arrived.
“Here, let me take her,” Celine said. Rumi and Poppy turned in sync to see her walking towards them from the doorway of the nursery.
“How long have you been awake?” Poppy asked, stunned, as she handed a still-wailing Hayun off to her other mother.
“Since not long after you left me alone in bed.” Celine glared at her, although there was little true anger in her eyes. Her face softened as it refocused on their baby’s face. She cooed at her as she rocked her, and, like a traitor, Hayun finally began to calm.
Rumi shuffled her feet awkwardly. “Um, Eomma,” she started, “How much did you…”
Celine hummed, not looking up from the baby. “All of it.”
“Oh.” Rumi’s eyes fell to the floor.
Celine looked up at her. She removed one hand from the baby, expertly holding her with one arm, and used it to brush away a few stray tears. “Rumi-ya, you have nothing to be ashamed of. You deserved much better as a baby than either of us afforded you. You’re allowed to be upset about seeing another baby get what you should’ve had.”
Rumi shook her head. “I’m not upset about her getting what I didn’t have. I’m just sad to think that I could’ve had it, too.”
“And you should’ve.” Poppy rubbed her older daughter’s arm comfortingly.
“You should’ve,” Celine reaffirmed.
Rumi leaned towards Celine, and she moved closer. Poppy shuffled closer to them, as well, until the three of them were pressed up against each other in a huddle.
For a few minutes, the four of the remained there, the three adults standing close together, and the infant steadily calming in the comfort of her mother’s arms, and with her sister and other mother watching over her. Poppy felt a warmth unlike she’d ever felt before. This was her home right here; her two daughters and her wife. Her family.
(If only Miyeong could be there with them.)
They were broken from their reverie by the sound of the door opening and a stream of line entering the room. Both Poppy and Celine had crept through a small crack in the door so as to not disturb anyone inside. This must be someone who had little regard for disturbances.
Sure enough, the three of them looked up to see little Hani standing in the doorway, rubbing her eyes with her tiny fists, one of which was covered in purple patterns. Her black hair was messy, and her dolphin themed footy pajamas rumpled. The little girl yawned. “Mama…?”
Rumi pulled back and stared at her daughter in surprise. “Hani, baby, what are you doing up?”
Hani didn’t answer her. Instead, she stared at her baby aunt curiously. “Why baby cry, Mama?”
Well, Poppy supposed that was actually an answer.
Rumi smiled at Hani, and walked over to her slowly. “Hayun is crying because she was woken up, baby. But don’t worry, your halmeoni is helping her calm down so she can go back to sleep.”
Hani nodded. She reached a hand out to her mother, and Rumi took it. “Can you help me go back sleep, Mama?”
“Of course, sweetheart.” Rumi bent down and kissed her little hand.
Hani tugged on her, but Rumi turned around to face her mothers and sister, smiling warmly. “Goodnight, Hayun, I love you,” she cooed. Her voice changed to a warmer, more mature tone when she addressed her mothers. “I love you, Eomma. I love you, Eomeoni. Goodnight.” She waved.
“Goodnight, Rumi-ya. I love you,” Celine said, affection clear in her tone.
Poppy waved, “Goodnight, Ruru. I love you, kiddo.”
Rumi looked down at her daughter, who was pouting at her mother, likely for not coming with her yet. “Can you say goodnight, Hani? Say goodnight to your grandmothers and aunt.”
Hani grumbled, but, like the sweet girl she was, she said, “Night, night, Hayhay! Night, night, Gammy! Night, night, Moni! Love you!” She waved to Hayun, Poppy, and Celine in order.
Poppy and Celine waved back. “Goodnight, Hani, we love you, too.”
Rumi gave them one last smile, and then she allowed herself to be dragged off by her one-year-old, shutting the door to the nursery behind her.
Celine kissed Poppy’s forehead. “C’mon, she’s already starting to seem sleepy again. Let’s bring her back to our room so we can go back to bed, too.”
Poppy chuckled; no doubt her wife knew why she had come here the first place. “Let’s.”
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