She/Her| Lesbian | 🧡🤍♥️| 31 I'm permanently exhausted. Binge blogging about sapphics. Currently obsessing over Polytrix. I keep meaning to go back and tag things but lbr I'm not
i'm breaking the author's silence to address these tags directly, because i've seen similar responses a few times. your context is part of you. you like your favorite band because you found them somehow. you speak the languages you speak because somebody else taught you. you feel the way you feel because you have memories and experiences. shaving off pieces of yourself will not reveal a truth at the center, and will only make you feel less like a person worth being. you will never shed your context or influences, anymore than you will ever become younger or undrink a glass of water. but you are free to create as much additional context as you like. build yourself outward instead of digging for yourself at the center. trying 100 new things will give you 100 more data points on what you like, don't like, think, believe, feel. it might begin to reveal an image of yourself that you can recognize, respect, and love. your life is not an object to be kept clean, it is an ongoing action that you get to control. also that's starlight glimmer not rarity.
yeah the guy who invented them made incredibly precise infusion pumps (as opposed to gravity fed ivs) which not only meant they could give medications to teeny tiny babies safely, it's also used for insulin pumps and portable dialysis machines. the key element is that it's a peristaltic pump so the liquid stays in sterile tubing for safety
(unholy drink cloaca uses it to dispense precise amounts of flavored sugar syrup)
Strange racists and homophobes on the internet seem to have access to an alternate way cooler version of TV than me. "every white character on TV is in an interracial relationship" "every show has a gay couple in it" "main characters keep having to secretly be bisexual and nonbinary" "every show has gratuitous full frontal nudity" like damn promise?? What channel???
for real though, those DO NOT WATCH OR YOU'LL CORRUPT YOUR CHILDREN lists put out by conservative christian family groups is where I find all the stellar tv shows. Like, shit I didn't know half of those existed, thanks for finding them for me, gonna go watch 30 hours of gay tv now!
For personal context, before I went to the '98 Burning Man festival, one of the things I'd read from a couple different journalists was that "everybody" runs around naked. Which, fine by me, I'd already spent a lot of time in clothing-optional spaces, I'm not fanatic about it but it's nice.
So I got there early and set up a public shade structure on one of Black Rock City's main roads and spent most of each afternoon just watching the crowds go by. I don't remember seeing more than one actually naked person the whole week. I think a topless woman passed by my intersection maybe every half an hour, sometimes once an hour. So why in the hell were people, normally pretty smart and observant writers, coming away with the impression that everybody was naked?
Then I remembered an unrelated passage from Joel Garreau's great book about the history of the outer-ring suburbs, Edge City. Mall developers told him flat-out that they tried to keep the crowds in their malls less than 5% black. Not because they themselves were racist, but because they had determined, experimentally, that if more than 5% of the people in the mall are black, the median white shopper will wrongly describe the mall as at least half black, as mostly black. And not a few of them would describe it, at 6% black, as a mall where "only black people go." Why?
Because, emotionally, they were still upset over the last one when the next one came into view.
Same as the journalists describing Black Rock City as all naked. Same as the right-wing religious culture warriors describing television as entirely mixed-race and gender non-conforming. Not because it's even vaguely true, we know that, but because they haven't gotten over their discomfort over the last one by the time the next one comes along. The anger, not the stimulus, is the part that's continuous, so their mind lies to them that it's "all" the thing they can't get over.
Similar effect for the presence/proportion of women in things, by the way: https://health.howstuffworks.com/mental-health/human-nature/perception/how-17-equals-496-the-amazing-multiplying-women.htm
rumi sings to her plants everyday while she tends to them. sometimes its a real song, sometimes its a song shes coming up with on the spot, sometimes shes just humming at them.
its a routine she never really strays from. even when sick, or injured, she insists on going out and taking care of them, and no matter how hoarse her voice is, she sings.
one day, when shes around 33, she has an audience of one. she doesnt realize shes being watched, nor does she realize it for the several days afterwards she continues to be watched.
in fact, its not until three weeks later, when she nears her balcony and hears a noise from outside, that she realizes anyone else has been coming out there at all.
when she goes outside, she sees her daughter, jihae. the noise is her singing. her voice is fine, but shes only 3, and she has no volume control, so its loud and a bit cacophonous. she’s holding rumi’s watering can in her hands, and it looks MASSIVE in them.
she’s singing nonsense earbleedingly loud, and she’s watering the plants a tad too much (although, for a three year old, it’s surprisingly close to the accurate amount she needs to water them, showing just how closely she’s been observing rumi), but rumi smiles and only slightly winces when her voice goes VERY sharp and when her daughter puts way too much water in one of them
she watches for another minute or so before jihae turns and sees her mother, and jumps. “mama! i was just-“
rumi laughs. “taking care of the plants for me? thank you, jiji.” she steps forward and gently takes the watering can from her daughter, before placing it on the ground and kneeling in front of her.
jihae wrings her hands nervously, and despite how much she looks like mira, with her eyes and brown hair, her cheeks and chin, her disposition and constant need for physical affection all inherited from the dancer, in that moment she looks so much like zoey that rumi’s heart soars at the sight of the daughter she gave birth to resembling both of her loves so perfectly
“ive been watching you,” the little girl admits remorsefully.
rumi places a hand on her daughters freckled cheek. “yeah?”
she nods. “it…looked nice. taking care of the plants.” the s in “plants” was elongated; jihae had inherited zoeys slight speech impediment.
“you were singing, too. did that also look nice?”
jihae nods again. “plus, you did it every time you took care of them, so it must be important, right?”
rumi kisses her forehead. “it is. singing to your plants can help them grow.”
jihae bites her lips, a move she recognizes as her own when shes contemplating something but doesnt know how to ask.
rumi decides to ask for her, “did you wanna help, jiji? i have so many plants, but so little time to take care of them all.” its not entirely untrue. she has an entire greenhouse on the roof of the building that she takes care of after the ones on her balcony. “i could really use the help.”
jihae looks up at her w excitement. “really?”
“mhm. i can teach you how to take care of all the plants, how much water they need, how much sun they need, even how to rehabilitate them when they need it.”
jihae tilts her head. “whats rebuildate?”
rumi chuckles. she probably shouldnt have used a word that big for her three year old. “rehabilitate. its when someone or something is sick, and you help it get better.”
jihaes eyes widen in surprise and a bit of horror. “plants can get sick?”
“they can.”
“do they start coughing and getting snot everywhere?” jihaes nose wrinkled in disgust.
rumi laughed, kissing her daughters cheek a few times just to release the overwhelming affection she felt in that moment.
about two months ago, hani, jihaes younger (by about 5 minutes) sister had had a nasty cold. in order to keep hani from passing it on, jihae and aeri, rumis eldest daughter (by about 2 hours), had to be kept separated from their sister, and had only caught glimpses of her throughout the duration of the week she was sick. they’d probably only seen her coughing and stuffed up and thought it was just gross, which was a relief.
(rumi and her wives had had a much worse time of it. hani’s cold had left her shivering, pale, and clammy. she wheezed painfully for most of that week, and there’d been a terrible, anxiety filled moment where rumi was terrified she would die, although she hadnt said it aloud. theyd spent most of it by her side, feeding her and giving her medicine, and cradling her in their arms until she fell into a restless sleep.
when she’d finally recovered, she went back to her normal, healthy self within days, much to the utter relief of her parents.)
“it wont have snot like nini did, although some plants do get a little…gross, when theyre not feeling well. but plants can get sick, and they can better, just like nini!” she pets jihaes hair.
“woah. and you can teach me how to help them get better?” the little girl looks up at her mother hopefully.
“i can. just follow my lead, and youll be an expert in no time!” rumi stands up and begins showing her daughter each plant, explaining what they were, how to care for them, and how long to water them for. she does the same up in the greenhouse afterwards.
the entire time jihae watches in and listens in utter fascination, excited to learn everything she can.
a few days later, rumi comes back home with a few small plants, all of which are of ill-health. mira and zoey tease her about it, “really ru, more new plants?” although she can tell they’re only joking. she explains to them why shes brought them home (to teach jihae how to take care of sick plants) and they brighten as they realize their daughter has a new hobby she can do with her mother (at this point, jihae has also shown an interest in dancing, although her little three year old legs are uncoordinated, and animals, although she still gets certain species mixed up, so now she has an interest she shares with all three of her mothers).
johae does nurse those plants back to health, eventually. when she realizes how much better theyve gotten, she gets so excited she squeals and jumps around, singing louder than she’s ever sung before
rumis routine is now spent with company, at first teaching her the ropes, and then, over time, as jihaes learns, done in tandem. jihae names each of the plants when she’s little, and rumi sticks labels on each of them to remember “who’s who”.
they make a schedule for when each of them will take each of the plants, so that they never overlap. they sing together, forming their own songs on the spot (zoey walks outside to listen to them once and teases them that they may very take over her job as songwriter soon. rumi kisses her and says “never, sweetheart” while jihae fake gags in the background at the sight of her parents physical affection). jihaes singing gets better all the time.
now, when rumis sick, she doesn’t get up to take care of the plants, because jihae has it all covered. she also takes care of them whenever her parents are away.
eventually, when jihae and her sisters move out (which mira and zoey both spend the entire process of moving them out wailing loudly about), rumi gives her some plants to bring with her. theyre the ones jihae nursed back to health all those years ago. she knows their names by heart by now, the labels long since faded. rumi wishes farewell to each plant, kissing a leaf on each of them goodbye, and singing a short song for them, before she tearfully looks up, and sees jihaes face wet with tears. she kisses her daughters forehead, and wishes her farewell too.
(rumis daughters visit their parents and younger siblings every week. jihae greets each of the plants by name every time. rumi does the same at her daughters’ new home when they visit them. she also calls every new plant jihae gets “a new grandchild!”)
I wanted to share some more of these, specifically trans women of color. The images I'm posting are from a project called To Survive On This Shore and it's an interview project. I am only posting a handful so it's so worth checking out!
This is Linda, 60
Alexis, 64
Helena, 63
Kendrah, 72 (!!)
Tasha, 65
It was deeply healing to me to discover this project. The site has selected photos and attached interviews and it's definitely worth your time. I didn't include any because the focus of this post imo is transfems but there are a lot of beautiful interviews with transmasc people too if you're interested! But that'll have to be another post 💖
Remember when Lil Nas X beautifully explored his sexuality, seduced and killed the devil to the banger of all time, and instead of cheering on this openly gay and proud Black artist for his artistry and fighting back against respectability politics, suddenly said respectability politics was all the Queerest Place on the Internet cared about? Hm. Wonder what happened there.
Anyway I miss him and hope he's doing better with his mental health 🙏🏾
Like say what you want about "bad queer representation", but this was the song that made me openly and happily accept that I was bisexual. To see him up there Black and beautiful, making music that I love, absolutely killing it? Yeah. You couldn't tell me shit. This man made me proud to be out. "This will make them think we're evil for being gay" hey newsflash dawg-
There's this video of nuns talking about their favourite things to do outside of nun activities and one of them says "ultimate frisbee" and the other one goes "and sister you are so good at that." I literally cannot get "and sister you are so good at that" out of my head. Out of all my stims this one is my fav lolol
Happy Pride my many nerds! I used the most popular hc's for their back paint, but for anyone who wants to do something different, the PSD file is available here!
ellievsbear
jbbartram-illu
origamiaround
blakekathryn
pixelskylines
kianamaiart
snowghoul
gummygunk
areudirty
