HXZYMIND

Ren ☆ any pronouns, 18 , neurodivergent, physically disabled, queer and trans ☆ I do art... sometimes

[hxzymind]

i havent drawn in nearly 6 months

drew this to celebrate getting out of art block + getting my tablet to work again 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

[hxzymind]

long rant below the cut

i havent posted on here in so long cus ive lowke y been getting fucked by life left and right . ive started college and its kinda hard but only cause i cant focus watsoever cus my adhd is still unmedicated (might finally get medicated soon though) and ive also been going to the gym so thats nice at least tho other than that shit keeps going downhill. at least i had enough energy to start doing cool makeup again tho !

ive been really out of it lately so much so that ive honestly forgotten how to do basic tasks, earlier today i made pancakes and it was stressful since i forgot HOW to make them even though ive done this many times before, oh well though, not much i can do about that

i saw pierce the veil live earlier this month, that was cool, im gonna see mitski next month too and im trying to keep looking forward to that everytime i start getting any thoughts of killing myself cus i dont wanna miss out on a MITSKI concert, letalone a concert i spent 180 dollars for the tickets of

though honestly once thats done with i dont know what else to use as a distraction, i dont really have much else going on for me, i dont have that many friends and i keep dreaming about my ex which is only making shit so much harder for me, its been several months and im still stuck on that situation, i feel like the world just moved around me while im still stuck in place trying to pick up the pieces of my life except its hard to do that because everything is pitch black and i can barely see and i keep stepping on sharp broken pieces and it ends up hurting me

weathers getting colder around here and im not excited for that because i know im gonna start relapsing more frequently again and theres not gonna be much i could do to stop it

i really hope on the 31st of may i have the courage to actually go through with it because i dont know if i wanna keep going any longer, im tired of being sick im tired of hurting and im tired of being me.

[hxzymind]

ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!

[hxzymind]

using my free will (and regretting it)

i cannot i spent my time on this son 😭😭😭😭 im crine son 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

reference to this

hi tumblr im alive just more active on twitter i post slenderverse art there sometimes ok? ok.

[hxzymind]

sometimes i be considering going back to my groomer bc at least then i felt wanted

[hxzymind]

his birthdays in three days

[hxzymind]

sometimes i be considering going back to my groomer bc at least then i felt wanted

[hxzymind]

friends talked me out of it. slept the alcohol off. though i cant guarantee i wont be drinking the rest later and slitting my arms open when everyones asleep. maybe if i hit muscle again then the hospital will finally realize that i need to be put in a ward so i dont have to deal with this shit for a while.

[hxzymind]

Im drunk enoyu to not back out this time. I'll go to the rooftop once im home alone.ill finally befree.

[hxzymind]

just a few more hours left.

[hxzymind]

Im drunk enoyu to not back out this time. I'll go to the rooftop once im home alone.ill finally befree.

[hxzymind]

Losing the idgaf war (downed half a 1.25 litre bottle and im gonna drink the rest wjen i get home)

I miss himsomuch muy heart hirts whydid he leave me iodot want him to leave me i want him back in mulife

[hxzymind]

ive been crying a lot recently and it makes me feel so pathetic, because i usually don't cry even when im really distressed, but this current situation has me curled up in a circle crying my eyes out. i miss him so much dude.

[hxzymind]

the razors calling my name its saying "use me ren use me" /cj

[hxzymind]

gonna go out and finally pick up the knife today if nothing goes wrong ^_^

[hxzymind]

pulled my sleeve up forgetting i relapsed and got confused why there was blood on my arm

[hxzymind]

im sure my friends are tired of hearing about how much i miss him.

[hxzymind]

i miss him a little extra when stuff like this happens. he'd be so disappointed to learn ive started drinking everyday ever since he left. i miss him.

[hxzymind]

mfw i relapse simply because an account that reminded me of someone who sexually exploited me dm'ed me. i know logically its not her and yet i still. whatever.