Summary: After their night, all communication seemed to stop. Thankfully Luke and Mallory always seem to be the cause of these two falling back together. After being quiet for so long, Jordy finally comes clean about whatâs been bothering her as of late.
[ Dean ]:Â Going with Luke anywhere always tended to be a chore. It took him about seven hundred hours to get ready and leave every single time. This wasn't the best thing to deal with when you barely wanted to be around him in the first place, but since Dean had moved out officially, dealing with his ex-roommate was a lot easier. As they made their way towards Brooklyn, both had shared a few new things about their lives: Dean hadn't spoken to Bernie about Allison and Luke was getting even more serious with Mallory. "That's great, Luke." Luke smiled like a dog that had been patted on the head for good behavior and nodded, "She's the great one. I can't believe its lasted this long. I thought she would have dumped me months ago." Dean had thought so, too. While he had waited for that moment, it never came. Call it growing up or finding true compatibility, Luke was in fact changing. It was a slow process - but it was still change nonetheless. "Well she's still here now so that counts for something." A bitter taste filled his mind as he thought of Allison who was yet another relationship failed that failed at sticking around. The city had been going hot and cold due to El NiĂąo which Dean could relate to in terms of his feelings on the people in his life. "It's a bummer Jess couldn't come. I miss that guy." Dean agreed, they all had a better time when they were all together. "True. But picking up Mallory kind of halts your whole "boys night" thing, buddy." It was obvious that Luke felt a little guilty and Dean regretted even teasing him. "Luke, I'm kidding. It'll still be fun." He seemed to lighten up as they turned the corner and the diner came into view.Â
"Shit, dude. I totally forgot..." Luke stopped dead in his tracks. "What?" - "I'm like, 98% sure Jordy is gonna be working tonight." Dean felt a strike of anxiety and also annoyance run through him. Of course Jordy would be working tonight; because every time Dean happened to visit this place, she'd be there. "It's fine, Luke. I don't even care anymore. We had a night. End of." His legs started moving again as he finished his statement. Truthfully he was nervous about how Jordy would receive him after the last time they talked but he couldn't keep caring. If she was fine to have it be cold then he would try his best to be that way too. He was so past having to deal with any drama that whatever the situation brought he would take; just with crossed arms versus open ones.Â
Dean and Luke took a seat at the end of the diner at a booth and instantly Mallory was upon them with her kind smile and bubbly voice which caused both men to smile. It was hard not to with Mallory, which was the complete opposite of how Jordy was taken nine times out of ten. "I'm actually not the waitress at this table, guys," she warned after bringing them both some water. "It's fine, babe. We're just here to get you. Guys night ya know." She smiled and nodded and made her way back to finish the task she had been doing before they walked in. "Though I could go for some bacon and ranch fries. You want any?" It was decided that they would have something then, "just to make sure the pre-game doesn't mess with our stomachs," Luke had mentioned before trying to grab anyone's attention. But the moment he saw Jordy, Dean knew that something was wrong. She looked completely worn out, the rings under her eyes probably holding a million things in that couldn't even rest at night. There wasn't ever much that brought that out in Jordy and because of that it was hard not to completely snap into the super caring mode that Dean always had for her. He knew asking outright would only cause more issues so he would wait. Or, perhaps he just wouldn't bother. She had told him time and time again that she was fine being on her own. It was hard not to protect her. It was like an instinct to make sure that she was okay when it barely seemed like she ever let herself feel anything that involved a pain of any sort. Dean watched closely as she finally stepped in front of their booth and took out her notepad for their order, her eyes remaining low. "We're just going to have the cheesy bacon ranch fries," he said before Luke could even open his mouth. His gaze waited for hers, wondering if she'd let him see that something was wrong or if she'd armor up quickly and deflect him like she always had.
[ Jordy ]:Â She was exhausted, and there was no amount of makeup to hide the lack of sleep she'd endured the past few weeks. Jordy would stay up for hours, restlessly tossing and turning, desperately trying to get in a precious few hours. Kaci was worried, but there wasn't really anything the girl could do since everything she'd tried - tea, cuddling, soothing CDs - had failed to do anything. As her exhaustion worsened, Patrick and Mallory tried to baby her at work, which, if anything, cause more annoyance than good. She wasn't going to slack because of some exhaustion, and while she wasn't positive about it, she knew she'd probably suffered worse things in her life than this current endeavor. So that day, just before the end of her shift, she'd been out back getting clean silverware when Mallory came in with a nervous aura about her. She tried to keep her eyes on Jordy as her hands shook and it only worsened when Jordy faced her. It hung in the air like an air raid siren that Jordy was a ticking time bomb. There had been nothing from her for weeks: no arguments, no witty remarks, no glares, she even listened to Gloria when the older woman gave her orders. Patrick tried to get to the bottom of her mood, but he only found a firm wall that answered in nods and sighs and shrugs. Mallory didn't try because she knew the ice was thin, and her demeanor facing her old friend was proof of how little the bubbly girl had wanted to rock a sinking boat. "What?" Jordy asked as she looked at the girl, "you okay?" Mallory shook her head, inhaling. "I have to tell you something." Exhaustion overcame her and she set the container of silverware on the counter, "You didn't short change, did you? Because I'm sure we could explain that you weren't stealing." Mallory shook her head, her cheeks paling, "Luke is here," Jordy waited as Mallory sighed and closed her eyes, swallowing heavily, "with Dean. I didn't know they were coming! I didn't expect it - I'm sorry."
Surprisingly, Jordy looked at her and shrugged, "is that all? Geez, you think you were dying with the way your acting." Mallory did a double take, confused as she watched her friend haul up the bucket and move past her. "You're not... mad?" The blonde asked hesitantly, waiting for Jordy to turn around and snap. "It's not my favorite thing, but I don't really care." She was tempted to look for a camera because surely Jordy was punking her, but she supposed the next bit of news was worse, "They're in your spot, and you know the rules." Jordy nodded uncaring as she went back out to the floor, setting the silverware beside Patrick who glanced at her. Jordy didn't spare him a glance as she picked up her notebook and pen and made her way to Dean and Luke, only stopping to help needy customers or people who looked done or in need of refills, and finally she got to them. Before, she'd have been self-conscious of her appearance, but now, she was too exhausted to care. Ironic, really.Â
"What can I help you with?" She asked, waiting then jotting down Luke's order that would have made her make a face and comment to Patrick weeks ago, but now brought on no urge to do anything but shove a ticket in the window. "That's it?" She asked, and when it was confirmed she nodded and left. Patrick had been watching as he rolled napkins, his mouth open wide in shock. "You sure you're okay?" He asked as she shoved the ticket in the window and hit the bell, "you're like a ghost." She shrugged, then went to tend to the customers who needed her, Patrick attempting as she'd come back until he saw it would get him nowhere but more worried. When she was still and beside him, she sighed. "I gave my two weeks to Boris this morning." Patrick dropped his newly done napkin, "Did you get a job?" A look of pain flashed in her brown eyes, but she breathed in heavily and smiled, "Kind of. The theater I used to act in needed costume designers, so I took the opportunity," she said, shrugging. Patrick wanted to hug her but instead acted as happy as she was, "J, that's great." She nodded, "I was chasing a pipe dream anyway, so no big deal." And with that the bell dinged before Patrick could correct her and off she went with Dean and Luke's food, leaving her friend looking after her with a worried expression as Mallory came over, touching his arm and asking him what was wrong. Patrick knelt down and whispered in the smaller girls ear, causing her to frown and eyes to well with tears as she jerked back.
If Jordy noticed, she gave no sign of it. Focusing on her task, she dropped off the food, "If you need anything just let us know," she said, her voice chipper as left over from her conversation with Patrick and dropped their check on the table, looking at Dean and then to his friend before moving back towards her previous task.Â
[ Dean ]:Â "Damn, talk about ice cold," Luke whispered as Jordy left their table. "No," Dean began, his eyes following her until she was out of sight. "That's not ice cold. That's like, non-existent. Something's wrong." Both men finished their fries rather quickly, though it was Dean who placed a ten dollar bill on the table and decided that he was going to make an attempt in talking to the tiny brunette. "Are we still going to have a dude night?" Luke's question produced an eye roll that could have caused Dean's eyes to roll right out of his head. He was like a father to Luke it felt like most of the time at this point. "Let me just see how this pans out first. I'm not bailing... I just feel like something else is up." Mr. Macho nodded and found Mallory quickly as Dean made his way to the front counter. There were a few people sitting down a few stools from him, luckily two were talking together as the other sat a lot farther down. As he watched them he heard the swinging door from the back open and turned to see her walking towards him. She had a few containers of utensils in her hands as she moved past him, "Jordy, wait." Dean's voice sounded so weak and immediately he felt annoyed with himself for her. Straightening himself up, he moved closer to her and took the top container from her. "Direct me."
The pair moved down the diner and began to collect any unused silverware and barely made any eye contact, let alone a passing word. He didn't want to overstep by doing her job but he could tell that she was dragging. "I know we're not really talking here, and I'll leave in a second, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for being a prick the other night." Dean kept his head down and continued on to the next table, remaining far enough away from Jordy so that she didn't think he was hovering - even if he was and even if she would know it. He waited for a response, idly stacking anything he could find just to pass time. "And please don't bite my head off or rip me a new one in saying this but, I think something's up. Wrong, actually. And I'm here if you actually still need just a friend." He placed the container back on the table that she had begun to work on and turned to leave. "You know where to find me." If Jordy needed him at all, maybe this time she'd let him know. But if she didn't he would get that, too. Even if they hadn't spent much time together it wasn't hard to still know when something was bothering her. Though in looking at her now, Dean could tell that this was the highest level of pain that Jordy could probably feel; and because of that he wanted to help get her through it just like he always had.
[ Jordy ]:Â Jordy gave him a confused look, lost as to what he meant, then looked down at her container. "You want to do this?" She asked, confused, then rolled her eyes and sighed, "whatever." She began to collect things from her tables, seeing only a few minutes left of her shift and just wanted to leave as she put the container in his hands and placed the plates and utensils into it, taking a cloth and wiping down, listening to him and jerking her head up. "When were you a prick?" She asked, not recalling anything. She remembered the sex, a conversation and that was it. "What do you have to be sorry for?"Â
She flinched as he spoke, letting her know that he knew something was wrong. She sighed a bit, damn, she thought, I must look worse than I give myself credit. Jordy puffed out her cheeks. "Nothing is wrong," she lied. "We live in an apartment that's noisy and I work first shift, so there is really no balance." Taking the container she went back to the counter, "I appreciate it, though, I do. But I'm old enough to take care of myself, why break the trend now?" Her voice wasn't bitter, just factual. And she wished she felt nothing towards those words, that they were just empty facts of her life that held no emotions or biases: just plain facts. But try as she might, Jordy wasn't an emotionless robot, she was a human being and she cleared her throat in time to stop the quiver in her voice, but nothing could stop the look of grief that flashed in her eyes or the slight shake of her hands. Swallowing, she gave him her best smile, which fell short and looked exhausted and as worn out as she felt. "Thanks for helping me," she said, "I mean it Dean. Just thanks for everything." She was almost to the back when she turned around, "can I ask you something?" And at his go, she began. "Be unbiased and tell me, do you think I'd be settling if I gave up on acting and did behind the scenes stuff. Everyone else seems to feel that way, but I've been going at it for over a year to get paying jobs, not just college theater or anything else, and I can't go at it anymore. It's stupid to wait, right? To work here and hope for the best?" She sighed and then muttered, "Of course it's stupid." Then bit her lip, hating herself for asking him because his life was together and good and she was constantly a mess and it was embarrassing to admit defeat, but she looked at him hoping he'd agree.
[ Dean ]:Â Dean felt sad as he listened to Jordy. Never once in all of their days had she ever come to him to help her make a life decision. This only meant, at least to him, that Kaci and any other person she had gone to with her conflict had given her he opposite answer of what she wanted; this meant agreeing with her. He has already tackled the subject of why he was sorry and as usual, Jordy didn't let him be self-deprecating so they moved on. To answer her question with the response she wanted could have potentially sent them in a more positive and upward direction. But Dean did think she was settling a bit. He understood wholeheartedly about feeling a dream being the most in reachable thing in the universe. Even if he was in the publishing world and had published a few of his own works, it still wasn't enough to gain the following he would have chosen to have. He was in the door but that was about it. "I don't think it's stupid to wait and I don't think it's stupid to maybe try a different avenue for a while," he finally responded honestly. "Getting work as an actor is a hard world to be in. But you've always had talent, Jordy. So I don't think you should give up just yet." His eyes held hers even though he wanted to waver more than once. She needed to believe in his reply in order to maybe believe in herself.
Even when they were in high school, Dean wished for the power to convince Jordy that her mind was wrong. She could do anything she wanted in this life but Dean knew that a positive outlook and drive could only get someone so far if they couldn't get past certain barriers. Jordy didn't need him for reassurance or support and he knew it. He only hoped that maybe he would in fact be able to help, at least once. "I know you and I know you wanted someone to fully agree with you but I can't. Because while we need money to make it, as in literally survive, you shouldn't give up on doing what you love to do." Dean's voice stayed much stronger now than it had been at the beginning of their conversation, his back straight and head held high just like Jordy tended to do. "I work to make money, I'm in the surrounding field of what I'd really like to do, but that doesn't mean I'm doing what I love either." The two of them had begun to move closer to one another without even realizing. "It's hard here. I understand that 100%. But you can't give up all together. You can do it, keep your head up, etc." Dean waved his hands back and forth as if to preemptively shut himself up like Jordy would have. "It's all bullshit and corny, but we're only twenty-two. We've still got plenty of time to make stuff happen. And you will do it, Jordy. You might not know it yet but one day you'll feel it and ride that all the way to the bank." He stopped himself and took both containers from the smaller girl and started walking towards the back of the diner, "now, where do we put these? The last customer just left and you should get out of here as soon as possible. And if you want to be a friend, get me out of a guys night with Luke because I'm also over /that/ 100%."
[ Jordy ]:Â She looked away, biting the inside of her cheek. Why has she thought he of all people would rejoice in this, but she had hoped against hope that someone would nod and smile, tell her that it was okay to just do this, even if it was just for now. That feeling of wanting to sob racked through her body, but she gritted her teeth and gripped the heavy container tightly. Just once she wanted an easy way out. Everyone else seemed to get breaks, but she always had to be hit with disappointments, and she could distract herself from those feelings but in the end, Jordy had a life time of disappointment and wondering why she wasn't good enough and there was only so much rejection one person could take, and she was overflowing with her max capacity. "I threw my entire life away and gambled that I could make it here and I didn't, I say I should just cut my losses," she said. As he moved closer, she narrowed her eyes up at him, but she wasn't angry she was frustrated that no one seemed to understand how much it hurt to give her all. Sure, everyone always thought she wanted to be the star of the show, but that wasn't necessarily true. At first, she thought she'd love it because it was a room full of people admiring you, and for a girl who didn't get the admiration where she wanted, it was appealing, but then her first show happened and that moment she moved everyone, even herself, it made her want that. She wanted to connect with characters and make people connect with them. She wanted that feeling when you nailed a scene, even if it went horribly wrong and improvised lines got standing ovations - but it wasn't in the cards for her.
Looking at him, she sighed. "Then you don't understand why I'd rather do this then have false hope for something that's obviously going nowhere," she said to him feeling disappointed because a silly part of her thought that maybe he would understand because he always claimed to know her, but he didn't and it would be fine, but she was tired of the pitying looks and the pep talks and the lectures and reminders of how this job wasn't so bad. "I didn't do any of this to end up with a menial job hoping someone might throw me a bone," and maybe she said it to remind herself that this was the right decision, because even if she wasn't doing the thing she loved, she'd be in the atmosphere she loved, and in away, a piece of her would still be on that stage but thinking that brought a twinge of bitter grief in her and she dropped his gaze and nearly the heavy container when Dean scooped it away. "You shouldn't go back there, the manager will have a fit." But still lead him anyway, she had given a two week and had no intention of taking it back.
Opening the door, she saw Mallory and Patrick whispering quietly as they exited the storage closet and all three froze as they stared at one another. Mallory was looking at Jordy as if the tiny brunette had suffered a major death in her family and Patrick had worry in his eyes. No surprise to anyone, Jordy was the first to break and looked at Mallory, "You'll have to entertain Luke," she told the tiny blonde, "Dean's sick and I'm sure Luke will be, too." Mallory gave them one quick look but smiled, though it was more forced from the feelings she felt to her older friend, "Of course! Feel better, Dean," and with that, she whisked Patrick away. Jordy took the container back and put it in the sink and walked to the closet and grabbed her things. "I don't understand why you hooked her up with Luke and continually hang you with him," she admitted as they exited the back, "you seem to absolutely hate him." Leading the way outside, Jordy sighed, knowing she should go home and try fruitlessly to sleep and knowing her phone had a missed call or two without even looking, but she glanced at Dean and without thinking about it she suddenly found herself saying, "Do you like Lebanese food?" She asked him, "there's this good place by my apartment and if you don't throw up whatever you ate, we could possibly get some."
[ Dean ]: Â It was hard to ever make Jordy happy and that was a thing that often stung. As he simply nodded his head to the Lebanese food, he had a hard time biting his tongue and decided to circle back around to a few things she had said at the diner. The first part being about her because while he cared for Luke, whatever they had between them wasn't as important of an issue as Jordy's were. Walking side by side with the night getting cooler, Dean started, "Just so you know, I wasn't telling you to keep trying if that's really not what you want. I think taking a break from it and doing something else is a good thing." She kept a steady and quick pace and he followed suit. "I was only saying that if there is a part of you that would still actually like to do it eventually then don't give up on it altogether. That's all." He kept his head facing forward, his longer hair actually bouncing as they continued down the street. There wouldn't be a give up tonight, even if Dean knew Jordy would have preferred him to do just that. "And I don't hate Luke. He's fun and he makes me laugh but I just didn't want to be aboard the couple train with he and Mallory tonight." There was a pause as he remembered why the thought of spending time together with a couple made him want to throw up but he removed himself from the thought. "In a group they're fine but if you're in a threesome with them it's like you might as well not be there."Â
He let that discussion fizzle out from his end, opting to take in his surroundings as Jordy mentioned that they were close. Lebanese food would be an interesting time, but it was so Jordy to pick an exotic eat. She always had. When times were good for them back in high school, at least once a week they'd go get Thai food or hit up this Malaysian store to buy some takeout. It was nice that she was still the same in that regard. It was simple and that's all Dean needed. After finally arriving, Jordy lead them to a table towards the back. Dean wasn't surprised. As if she'd ever order something to go and take him back to her apartment. She never had nice things to say about it which he figured would only be used against it in the for here to go debate. They both began to eye the menu, each of them taking it from the salt and pepper rack at the same time - their hands brushing while her brown eyes stared into his green ones. "I can't say I've ever had Lebanese food before," he mentioned. "This Shawarma wrap looks great though." Dean kept any discussion light, he was a savior for people who didn't want to talk about certain things even as a child. You don't want to discuss what you're doing after high school? Or, what about why you can't sleep over? Why is your lunch so scarce? He was always there to jump in and rescue people because he had had plenty of questions asked without the knowledge of what to answer. The discomfort Dean felt was enough to help anyone in those situations forever, so he probably would. "God, all of this is making mouth water. I can't even remember if I ate anything today." He hadn't. It was yet another Saturday that went to reading novels instead of writing his own and he grimaced. There wasn't much he could do about the lost day now so he turned his attention back to Jordy. "Any recommendations?" He smiled, knowing that he wouldn't get one back but if one of them didn't liven up the mood, it would be a completely clashing and somber night; And Dean wasn't into that idea at all.Â
[ Jordy ]:Â Jordy nodded at Dean's explanation of Luke, not really caring one way or another. It was just a simple observation, and no matter what he said, Jordy didn't know Luke beyond the stories Mallory would excitedly tell her that were usually full of giggles and blushes. Luke made Mallory happy, and it was nice to see, even if it was a bit grating on her cynical nerves. Jordy had known girls like Mallory her whole life, and not one had been spared from her judgement and pity. Young, optimists who believed in love and white knights and prince charming - things that, in Jordy's opinion, didn't exist. Luke didn't appear to be a prince or a knight, he looked like a typical guy who'd encounter her and try and swoon her off her feet with their suave charm, but Jordy wasn't so easily charmed by boys who wore hair gel and smirks, in fact, she had never felt herself be charmed by anyone before Dean - not that she'd ever admit it to him, or allow herself to acknowledge it. Letting out a sigh, she listened to his clarification, not wanting it. She understood it perfectly, and hearing it made her walk faster and it was funny that she could think her tiny legs could out walk his massive strides. "Then it can have my defeat," she said angrily, hiking her bag higher as anger hit her blood, making it boil. "I raise a white flag because I'm done with it, okay?" She was so angry, and she didn't know who she was angry with. Herself, obviously, for being a failure but even worse, for giving up and not having the endurance she had her whole life to take the blows of rejection with a cold, graceful demeanor. But this anger felt bigger, more alive and she knew who it was meant for, but Dean was there and like always, it was so easy to give someone who proved time and time again that no matter how angry she was, no matter how hard she tossed them away, they'd come careening back into her orbit like a boomerang. Jordy clutched her hands into tight fists, and stopped mid stride and whirled around, facing him, her cheeks pink with anger. "If you want to pep talk me, I'll give you Kaci's number. I'm sure you, her Patrick and Mallory will all come up with a cheer about why I'm making a big fucking mistake, so thank you for all your support in the wrong place. God for fucking bid one of you have the grace to pretend like it was good news for my sake." Turning from him, Jordy began her fast stride again, throwing over her shoulder, "what are you waiting for? A fucking tram," she snapped at him as he stood there a second longer.
They were close enough to her place, that logically she could have ordered it to go, but she wasn't too keen on showing him her place. When they were hooking up in high school, she remembered how her friends would laugh about the stories she'd tell about him and her hooking up everywhere but her quiet, empty house, It was always letting him in that little bit that made her stop because it was truly letting him into her world. Rooms told stories, filled people in on what happened, and if people looked hard enough, illusions of nice lives faded like mist. Sitting down, she picked up a menu, wanting to feel hungry simply because she couldn't remember when she last had a full meal. Her appetite, like her sleeping schedule, had vanished. "Kaci and I mostly come here for snack foods," she said, her eyes looking at the dips and thinking of pita chips, "but I usually get fattoush or falafel when I want an actual meal, Kaci mostly gravitates to pita." The thought of having a meal suddenly made her feel full, even though eating involved pushing food around her plate, or setting it on the coffee table as she read or watched whatever she found on Netflix. She gnawed on the inside of her cheek as she observed the menu, hearing her phone vibrate in her bag. Her back stiffened slightly, and she tried to ignore it as she flipped to the side seeing a waitress come up to their table, she gave the girl a bright smile, and you wouldn't have even known that moments before she'd just about shoved Dean into the street for stating his opinion over one of the hardest decisions of her life. "Tabbouleh please, and a water," Jordy said to her politely, setting the menu back in it's holder.
[ Dean ]:Â After they ordered, an awkward silence fell between them - the sounds of vibrations being the only noise. "So," he began, his hands fidgeting until they found his drink. "Besides the whole career thing... Do you have anything else going on?" It wasn't that Dean wanted to pry at all. He knew Jordy well enough to know that she was never in the mood to talk about deeper things that actually related to her life. But as they sat together, he couldn't think of anything to talk about that would result in a nice and friendly conversation. She seemed off, a little upset, and he didn't know what to do. "I moved. That's been good." Dean tried his best to sound enthusiastic, waiting to see if Jordy would bite on the conversation at all. He needed something to work with or else their meal together would be long and daunting; there weren't enough prayers to be sent out to hopefully have the exact opposite night of that.Â
[ Jordy ]:Â She regretted asking him, the awkward tension that hung between them was too much and lack of sleep and hunger made her cranky enough but his question set her jaw in a locked gear. "No," she bit out resentfully, wanting to kick the bag that held her cellphone that buzzed around like a hornets nest. Didn't he get the hint that she didn't want to talk? Jordy looked over her glass at his next declaration, eyebrow raised, trying to remember if Mallory had talked about moving in with Luke, but not a bell rang. As far as Jordy knew, Mallory was still living in Columbia and had yet to do anything different. Setting down the glass and running her finger along the condensation she said, "Well I'm glad you're happy about it then," she said as the food was set down, her stomach churning. "So where do you live now? In the heart of the Upper East Side?" she asked him teasingly, knowing full well rich wasn't exactly his scene, "Should I start calling you Gossip Girl?" Jordy knew she should ask why he moved, but asking personal things opened doors that he could do it back, and she truly didn't want to open doors like that. Kaci knowing was more than enough, and after every other let down she knew with this subject there was no right answer she could hear. If someone told her to talk to her dad, she'd downright tell them to fuck off. If they told her to not, she'd feel justified and yet oddly empty. It was too messy to touch, and she didn't like it.
[ Dean ]:Â Dean had began to eat his meal as if he hadn't already had an order of fries less than an hour ago. Since moving into his new place, though, there hadn't been much time to stock the fridge or have the time to. His mouth was full as Jordy asked about his new living circumstances. He shook his head at her, taking a gulp of water to ease his food down faster. "Both. All by myself, no roommate. It's been nicer than I would have imagined." The truth was that it was a nice, refreshing thing to start off the changes in his life. He did as he pleased and had no one else to think about for the first time in years. "Turns out I actually really love only taking care of myself. Not having to worry about other people is great." Dean took another bite of his meal, nearly finishing it as he looked back across the table and noticed how Jordy hadn't really even touched hers. He felt guilty for a moment - she didn't want to be there with him more likely than not. It didn't last. Just as she had always taught him about herself, if she really didn't want to deal with you, she'd let you know. As he finished, he took his wallet out to pay, "I would offer to pay for both of us but my guess is that you'd tell me to just fuck off." Dean smiled and he could tell that he had that Cheshire Cat grin that Jordy had always noticed; and liked, but would rarely every outwardly admit. "Plus, the faster I pay the faster you're free. So I'll be right back." He made his way to the front where he cashier stood, bored and unamused as they tried to have some small talk as he rang him up. "Have a pleasant evening." - "Yeah, you too."Â
By the time he was back at the table, Jordy had nearly finished plate. He sat back down and checked his phone, he had new emails from too many people he didn't care to read. The expression of disgust must have read easily on his face because as he looked back at the brunette, she too had a puzzled while also uninterested look to her. Jordy was a contradiction always - she didn't care to know things because she felt as though it was never her business but she was also curious. She played the first part well and kept the second almost completely hidden. Dean didn't bother to mention what was happening, 'if she wants to know, she'll ask.' "Got anything to do after this," he asked casually, not looking for an invite to whatever the answer might be but rather following your typical late night, hanging out with someone conversation etiquette. He knew the success method to not irritating Jordy: playing it cool and nonchalant. If she never felt intruded upon your chances for a win were raised. And tonight, in whatever way he could, he kind of wanted to.
[ Jordy ]:Â Jordy nodded, smiled politely but couldn't help but think that it sounded lonely. Ironic for a girl who lived in solitude at heart. Without Kaci - without her friends in general, she'd be nothing. Maybe she'd have broke long ago, but for years she put on this illusion, believing she was okay, but she wasn't. She never would be okay, not until she let go of something that had defined her entire life and shaped her, despite her best efforts. She moved her food around, her appetite still lost and looking at food made her nauseas. There was a belief her friend Teddy had told her one night when they got high that people could be mediums when there was something they were holding in, and she'd never been one to believe in ghosts or religions, but with the lack of sleep she swore a few times she'd seen her mother in crowds - not that she'd even know what her mother looked like, but still, something inside her tugged and she knew for a fact that in that brief moment she'd see her. She hadn't told anyone, but she was tired of shoving possibly literal and figurative ghosts in her closet. "You'd be right about that," she said with a nod, following him she paid and got a box, wishing the cashier a nice evening as she went back. More for Kaci, she thought as she dumped the food in.
"An attempt to sleep," she said, opening her bag and looking at her phone - glaring at it was probably a more accurate description of what she was doing, because if looks could kill, the phone would have been melted into a heap. A few texts were there: Patrick who apologized, Mallory who was trying to be chipper and invite her to some club and then a text from a Seattle number: Jordanne, it is important you call me back. I'll be in touch - Dad. An outraged noise left her and she stood up, "That lousy son of a bitch!" Not even remembering where she was, she grabbed her stuff and forgot the box and her coat, walking out because somewhere in her mind, freaking out inside a place she and Kaci frequented a bit wasn't in her favor. The cold air hit her hard, but it felt like the Caribbean compared to what she felt inside. Apart of her could believe it, another could not. Looking at the screen, she should call him. Give him a piece of her mind and tell him to suck a massive egg - two for good measure, but her fist clenched around the device and she was shaking, and she didn't think it was from anger. She turned and saw Dean there, holding her coat and box and she realized she'd begun to cry and angrily wiped her cheek. "Thanks," she said, taking her jacket and shoving it on, then grabbing the box. "Sorry, I -" she stopped, so close to telling him and shook her head. "Just a bad call. It's nothing."Â
[ Dean ]:Â Dean had been facing the other way when he heard Jordy leave. He could tell something was wrong by the way her movements sounded. Jordy always moved fast but never bulky like she currently had slamming through the front door of the restaurant. After grabbing her things and walking out, he read her body instantly. Jordy also never bent. In any way for anyone. She was small but stood tall and was never lacking in the confidence enough to slouch. Dean waited quietly while New York still loudly bustled around them. "No problem," he responded as she took her things back from his arms. The glistening under her eyes told him yet again that something was wrong. "It doesn't seem like nothing." Dean kept his eyes on her, watching as she fidgeted to get her coat on, taking her food box back to make it easier. They were both emotional people in the sense that their emotions were often heightened. They experienced surges when things were good and when they were bad; but the in between was filled with a pretty balanced spectrum. Jordy was the more subdued, though Dean had seen her when she hadn't been and it was so contagious that he had a fallen in love with her because of it.
"If you want, we can just separate here. I've always got work I could be doing and it's cold." Dean tried to think of every excuse in the book to give Jordy so that she could leave even if that was the last thing he wanted. After a brief pause he stepped closer into her proximity, handing her the box again and making her stare directly at him. "Or you could come over and join me in a housewarming drink party." He smiled, releasing her from his gaze if she wanted. "I don't have as much of an assortment as the last few times we've been together but we could make do." It occurred to Dean then that Jordy might never want to be in his presence drinking again after the last time. "But it's up to you. You've got my number if you ever want to." He began to back away, not wanting to place pressure where it was the least bit needed but he hoped that she might remember he wasn't the worst at actual comfort. It didn't always have to be sexual or deep for him or them, it could just be.
[ Jordy ]:Â She gritted her teeth and grabbed her stuff back, "Well it is nothing," she snapped, her blood boiling as she released a breath from her nose, wanting to remain calm. She was sick of crying and not sleeping, and feeling reduced to the girl she'd pretended she wasn't after all these years. She hated feeling like this, and it was an added bonus that everyone in her life made it worse by telling her she was wrong. Of course she was wrong, she'd always been wrong but sometimes being kicked down so much made wanting to stand up impossible, and Jordy wanted a deserved rest. Jordy bit her lip, a drink sounded tempting. Beyond it, if she was being honest and she nodded. "Lead the way. But this time, we're not going to act like a couple of horny rabbits." It was a joke, but she meant it. With everything in her life, Dean wasn't something she wanted to add to her growing list of things she had to juggle emotionally. No, for her sake, she wanted a much needed break from all things involving strings.Â
[ Dean ]:Â After taking a cab back to his apartment, Dean paid quickly and had the duo exit. He wasn't far enough away to have them use the subway, but too far to walk in the nearly bone chilling night air. "This is me," he said as the rounded the final flight of stairs. He was on the sixth floor, apartment numbers even. He unlocked the door and immediately wanted to reach for Jordy's coat but stilled himself and only dealt with his own outer clothing. Since living on his own in a studio apartment, Dean had made it a point to keep it as clean as he'd like without going overboard. It was easier to do so with no roommate. It wasn't much in comparison to his old place but he was proud because it was him and gave him the option to save nearly five times as much money each month. Being a writer and editor was hard enough without having a killer rent each month to deal with.Â
"Pick your poison," he began as he brought out the few bottles of alcohol that he had. "Not as much as the old place but it works." Dean then slide to the other side of the counter and turned his coffee maker on, feeling that he might want to liven up versus get sloppy. He had a feeling that no matter what was discussed tonight it wouldn't be great if he wasn't in a clear state of mind. After his cup brewed, he put a drip of bourbon in to give him the tiniest extra kick. Jordy sat on his couch which sat to the side of his bed. "No TV," he mentioned in passing as he got situated across from her. "I never have time to watch anything." It felt odd saying this to someone who had wanted to act, though Dean knew that a television gig wasn't necessarily Jordy's go-to. He could tell that she was tense and that the alcohol was working overtime to ease whatever it was that was going on in her life. The debate of whether or not to tell her about Allison and Bernie crept back in slowly, eating at him until he decided that why shouldn't he? If they wanted to attempt a friendship he could mention it. She didn't want to talk about her own issues so now would be the perfect time. Though, Dean knew her problems were a lot more serious than any relationship drama could be. She didn't even need to tell him that for it to be obvious to him.Â
They drank together while seemingly separate; that was until Dean finally decided to just say it: "So Allison cheated on me with Bernie." It was out before it could be stopped. Shit, he thought to himself. The truth was tangible now. He had finally told someone else. Dean hadn't even told his mom yet, let alone tell Jordy who was so on the rocks with him every other moment he surprised even the rodents that probably ran around behind his walls. "And, I found out maybe like, I don't know... A month, a month and a half ago? That's why I moved." He gulped down the rest of his coffee and waited, hoping that by some stretch of the imagination Jordy might know how to help him let it go. "The great divide, they called it. It's been ridiculous honestly. Draining, annoying, and why they have to keep trying to communicate is beyond me. Like who the fuck cares anymore, ya know? Obviously not you two before this point." He was half ranting at this point, growing more boisterous with every word. It occurred to him what he wanted now - to laugh. To laugh with Jordy would be nice. "What a crock of shit. I don't even know why I'm telling you this." A lie. He wanted her on his side. He wanted her to make fun of Bernie like she always had, only this time he wouldn't stop her. "I haven't told anyone else. Not Jess, not my mom. It's so... embarrassing and weird. God, I'm a writer and I can't come up with any other words besides weird. And you know who I would really want to tell this to? Max. I should tell Max because no way would we have seen this shit coming." Now Dean poured himself a real drink. To hell with trying to be "clear", he wanted to let it all out. "I can't even fucking imagine them together. Having sex, Jordy. The two most boring people having sex. They must pass the fuck out midway through if they can even make it that far. What a joke." Finally he laid back, resting his drink on his chest and breathing. The whole situation flooded him and he let it. Silence filled the apartment as he waited for any sign of a response from Jordy who he believed was probably just as shocked as he had been. "Yeah, I know." It was like he was reading her mind as she went through all of the information she had just learned. "I guess you can also piece together that that's why when you freaked about me being a shifty cheater I didn't react well. No, no. That only happens to me. With Bernie. WHAT A JOKE!"
[ Jordy ]:Â As Dean turned on the pot of coffee, Jordy felt a tremor of excitement. The petite brunette was a bit more than a caffeine addict, and all she wanted was to feel something other than sad, for a lack of a better word. All Jordy felt the past near two months was bone crushing sadness, and everyone in her life acted like it'd pass but if she were being honest, she wasn't sure it would. Taking her spiked coffee, she sat down and waited for him to join her. "I'm a once-aspiring actress, but TV isn't really my go-to unless I'm avoiding something." Ironic, since she'd barely watched or read anything since her brain refused to be distracted. Guzzling her coffee, she licked her lips, feeling a slight buzz, but nothing major. Her edge was still there though, like an old love who refused to let go of a fallen relationship and she settled back into the couch, wanting to tell him, but couldn't. Kaci tried to help her, Jordy couldn't deny the support Kaci felt for any decision she'd make regarding her dad, but Kaci also saw it in an absolute form. Her dad wronged her, so why reach back to him? And if she told Dean, he could, once again, shot her down. Running her finger along the rim of her mug, she mentally ping ponged until he spoke.
She couldn't help her,a laugh escaped her mouth. "BLUBBERING BERNIE!" She screeched, not even making apology for one of Kaci's nickname as she began to gasp for air as she lost herself in laughter. "SHE CHEATED ON YOU WITH THAT LOLLIPOP HEAD! OH MY GOD!" She was screaming as her laughter intensed, unable to stop herself. Wiping her eyes, she began to laugh again. "I can't believe he finally convinced some girl to crawl in a bed with him. God, is Allison blind? Were you cheating her out of the experience you gave me, or something because who the hell in their any frame of mind would trade in a decent guy for Bernie? God, that's like trading in a shitty flat for a moldy box." Then she began to laugh again, "God Kaci is gonna piss herself when I tell her this! When we first began hooking up, Kaci and Letti, that other girl we used to hang out with - I don't even know if you remember her, but anyway, we predicted eternal virgins and he was number one on our list. Like I didn't think they made people stupid enough to go for him, how embarrassing."
Jordy wiped her eyes and let another chuckle pass her lips, "I'm surprised the dumbass figured out how to get it up and in. I'm personally impressed, because sure, he seemed like the type to jack off to our yearbook pictures, but I never gave him the credit of having anything to get hard in the first place." She covered her face, trying to compose, but it was too funny to her as she pictured the ugly kid with blond hair who had always grossed her out. Dean and Max were attractive and intelligent, but Bernie lacked any life. He could make drying paint go "hey man, no one has to be that boring", but Dean had always told her to cool it when she'd snort or roll her eyes or subtly tell Bernie off, and now, four years later he'd stolen his best friends girlfriend - go figure. "Allison clearly has no taste," Jordy quipped. "At least the guy I hooked up with brought a lot to the table, and then some. What did Bernie bring? His finishing gear? Monopoly?" Rolling her eyes, she went to get another cup of coffee and added a bit more alcohol to the black liquid. "Your poor ego, I can't even imagine how shattered it must be. It must be the most scandalous thing he's ever done in his miserable, pathetic life."
[ Dean ]:Â Dean shook his head as he listened to Jordy laugh, smiling a bit at the pathetic humor of it all. "The ego is bruised but if that's what they want than so be it." Swirling the last bit he had in his cup, the irritation about the situation subsided a bit. "It's just so shitty. But life hasn't been bad since so apparently it was meant to happen." As he stood up, he let Jordy finish her drink before going and grabbing them another. It was nice to finally feel as though he was moving on, past the hurt and anger that his so called best friend and girlfriend inflicted upon him. "It's nice to joke about, honestly. That's all I want to do. I am so beyond over the seriousness of the situation." The thought of even telling his mother or Luke or Jess made him get a headache almost automatically. "So here I am," Dean joked, gesturing around his apartment. He was proud of the new life he was building and he would make sure it was all exactly what he wanted from here on out.Â
[ Jordy ]:Â Jordy watched him from the couch, relaxed looking as she curled her legs up and placed her chin on her knees, still grinning from her laugh. It was nice to just laugh, to not fee the weight of decisions on her shoulders. "Honestly? I'm glad you're not ruined by it. Bernie, jokes aside, is an asshole for doing this to you, and Allison is no better. Their vanilla asses belong together - boring, blonde haired, blue eyes and creamy skin will never know anything beyond a missionary that leaves a dissatisfied edge." Taking the drink he handed to her, she took a sip and let the warmth of the mug warm her and she let out a slow breath through her nose, wanting to tell him - needing to. Kaci was her rock, no doubt, but she found it surprising how much she wanted Dean, maybe even needed him. She spent that year running from it and lighting the bridge, only to torch it in the end, but it proved to be resilient to her, as did he. Taking another sip, she let it mull. "By all means though, we can joke about it. Kaci's class ends at three, and she could give you some good zingers about Bernie. Like I never really hated him, he just made me unsettled because if the 40 year old virgin had a chill, so could he, but Kaci was rubbed wrong from the stupid laugh to the hairdo to the personality." Jordy shook her head and laughed, "I wonder if Allison was ready for full time commitment to baby sitting!"
[ Dean ]:Â Dean smiled at the thought of Kaci's jokes. Surprisingly, or maybe unsurprisingly enough, Kaci and Dean had often times gotten along more easily than he and Jordy had. She was more witty than anyone he had met, her jokes coming quickly and with next to no thought. "I don't really know what they found in each other, but for her sake I hope it's vigor. Bernie sure as hell never had any before." He paused and let himself chuckle at his next thought, "maybe he'll get it from all of the yoga she does. Though why she does it I'll never understand because it certainly never made her any less high strung." Dean watched as Jordy relaxed a bit more and he could feel that the awkward air between them was finally subsiding for the night. "I used to tease Bernie about being the 40 year old virgin so that's funny that you brought that up. His first experience was the most laughable thing I've ever heard. The girl said he was like a fish out of water." There was some saying that said something to the effect of "if seeing someone's smile was enough to keep you light in darker times, you should keep them around forever." Looking at the tiny brunette, her smile beaming - a rare but beautiful sight, made Dean feel free of the heaviness he had felt for the last month. Laughing to him was like flying away. There was still a guard that remained in place across her from earlier; tears were not something easily released for either of them. Dean kept on even as he realized they had been talking for at least an hour or two now. He'd keep her laughing the entire night if it meant that she might just crack enough to let him in the tiniest bit. He didn't need anything other than a friend and he could tell that that's what Jordy needed too. "My question is, who's the top when both people are wet rag bottoms? How does that work? Do they talk about taxes and the economy 24/7? I bet they do. Oh God, I seriously bet that they do!" Moving over to the couch, Dean slid himself in beside Jordy. Their bodies were barely touching but the comfort began to swim around them. "I bet they always do it with the lights off too. Because seeing is believing, and we /know/, they don't want to believe that their lives are THAT boring now."Â
[ Jordy ]:Â Jordy giggled, feeling herself get more and more comfortable, her guard crumbling a bit as she nestled into the sofa. "Who was his first even? Like he looks like a muppet? Did they not see it? Were we the only girls with any form of standards?" Jordy shook her head and grabbed his massive hand, "you honestly deserved better from both departments," she said, feeling sad for him. All her life, she'd had Kaci and while both girls could be downright cruel, they had always trusted one another. She couldn't imagine the feeling of Kaci had done something like this to her, or doing something like this to Kaci. And then she thought of her own life, Dean had trusted her at one point too, and she'd turned around and hurt him too. Sighing, she squeezed his hand and then dropped it. "Allison's a fool, but Bernie is the biggest loser between the two. I hope I never meet him again because I'd really make him cry," she promised.Â
Jordy crossed her legs, leaning back further and getting comfortable for the first time in weeks. She honestly felt so relaxed, and the feeling of nervous anticipation was gone, and she felt like she could sleep for hours. "It seems like both our lives have sucked recently, though at least you kind of told your issue to fuck off." Jordy itched to tell him. Itched to maybe tell him everything: how she was scared, how small and vulnerable she felt, how alone she felt, and that she was tempted to run again. Further this time, and maybe keep going and only stop when needed, but opening up to him felt more scary then what she was sharing. Jordy looked up at him, observing his shaggy curls, his dimples, his bright green eyes that never missed a thing and she swallowed nervously. "I -" she began and paused, her hands shaking and she clasped them and placed them between her thighs, her heart racing. "My dad," she sighed, feeling angry at herself for starting and frowned, unable to take it back, "my dad has been calling me. For awhile. A week before the night I came over. Kaci and I were fighting and Mallory was mad and Patrick doesn't know anything beyond my life now, and I think somethings wrong with him."
Her voice cracked, and she ran her fingers through her long hair, "I - I'm so," angry, scared, selfish - so many options ran through her mind and she began to cry. "It's so stupid! He spent my whole life ignoring me! He never gave a damn about me, and now I have nothing and he decides to just venture in! It's not fair! And you know what the sickest part of it is? I still care, and still am seeking his approval and I shouldn't! Even with nothing I have more in my life than he ever gave me, and I hate myself for caring about him and for letting him win and hurt me! I hate that I can't hate him!"
[ Dean ]:Â Dean's head tilted as Jordy revealed that she too had been having a rougher go of it. He remained quiet, opting to take a sip of his drink rather than prod. Stay the course, he told himself, "you know better." As he watched her begin to shake, Dean knew that it wasn't anything trivial like a friend, not even a Kaci kind of friend. He placed his drink down and waited for Jordy to finish. But as she did all that he noticed was how much smaller she seemed to shrink. She was becoming a little girl again and he could see it. Jordy's dad has always been a non-starter. He worked all the time and didn't pay much attention to his daughter at all. Or at least he hadn't when Dean was first around. The two of them had only ever had a handful of very quick conversations about him. Nothing too deep because that would have meant seeing in Jordy what he was seeing now. That she was angry at her dad for ignoring her, for pretending she wasn't there as best as he could after her mom, but wanted so desperately to have him just be a real dad. Dean wanted to reach out and just hold the tiny brunette as she seemingly went into the rabbit hole of grief. What was he supposed to say? That it was okay to hate him? Because it was, technically. He had checked out when she needed him the most and left her to deal with life herself. Dean knew telling her that it was okay to be upset would only frustrate her more so he didn't. Instead briefly he put his hand to her one knee and just left it there, hoping that maybe her breathing would calm. Even if the storm inside of her wouldn't.Â
Finally after she stopped long enough to for him to talk, Dean got up to brew another round of coffee. He could tell that even if Jordy didn't stay at his place that she might need another boost to get herself home. Being emotionally exhausted was enough to leave you empty for years and she had too much light. He came back over cautiously and sat down. His left arm wanted to touch her again but instead he let it rest beside her on the back of the couch. "That's a lot to hold in," he nearly whispered. Dean didn't want to be timid or afraid, but Jordy was explosive and always had been about the things she kept hidden and he didn't want to ruin her opening up to him. "I'm," there was a beat, "sorry- that he's only now wanting to contact you. That's not a fair circumstance." He wanted to say that she didn't deserve that but knew the wording itself would be enough to make her crawl back inside of herself because she knew it too. "But Jordy... God, I hate even putting a 'but' in that. He's your father and even if the relationship isn't what you've wanted in the past, it makes sense that you'd still want all of those things from him." Dean waited to see if he could go on. "That's what dad's are supposed to be to their kids." Not that he would necessarily know, considering how much of a mess of a man his own father was. He didn't have a good gage for this kind of thing either. But at least Dean had always had his mom. Jordy didn't. If only he could hold her. If only he could keep her close and okay enough; but Dean knew that what Jordy needed most wasn't him and it never would be. It was closure with her father. If he was ill that's what he was calling her for. They both knew it. What do you say to someone who needs someone else to be better? Dean knew the answer to that question. The answer was: unless the closure was exactly what both parties needed, you say nothing. And if you weren't sure you say: "I hope you get what you're looking for."Â
[ Jordy ]:Â Jordy took the cup and stared down at it, letting it's heat warm her hands. She felt tired - exhausted, really. She spent her whole life holding that pain in, burying it and sure, she'd acknowledged it, but now, there it was, out in the open. No darkness to cover it, nowhere to run from it. It was simply the truth had caught up with her, grabbed her and wouldn't let her go. Jordy honestly felt like a little kid, and even though she grew up doing everything for herself, she had always been like a little kid. Sure, she could get a place to live, even if it's heat was as dependable as her daily tip intake, and sure, she could get a job, but be an actual adult was something she never grasped. Her example had been her dad, and she could literally mirror him perfectly in how she acted and treated things that hurt her, and in time, she couldn't hate him so she hated herself instead. Sitting there, looking at her steaming mug she whispered, "It's not fair." It was such a stupid thing to say, but it was the only truth she could face. Her life was unfair: no parents, no grounded sense of reality, and here she was at twenty-two, floundering and supposed to accept with grace that her dad had only contacted her for something bad. He wouldn't call to chat, or because suddenly he had a change of heart, if anything, she knew something was wrong. Shaking her head, she couldn't even think of what she wanted other than what she couldn't have. She wanted a do-over. She wanted the life she had deserved and come out a better person, but she wanted the answers of questions she'd always been afraid to ask.
Her eyes glazed with tears and she set the full mug down, feeling colder than before. "I want to hate him," she decided out of spite. It was a default setting: she was faced with something she didn't like, so she had to hurt it too. Dean had faced that setting multiple times in his admissions of love and devotion. She didn't want him to love her, to want her back because she knew how it'd end: tears, hatred and regret. And she'd made it into a self fulfilling prophecy time and time again. "I want him to know exactly how I felt all those times I needed him - needed someone, and he didn't give a damn about me." She honestly wanted her mother, despite not knowing her anymore, not even having a real clue what she looked like anymore. Gritting her teeth, she shut her eyes, trying not to cry. If she were someone else, she would have crawled into Dean's lap and had him hold her, but she was her, and she'd never been good with affection. Leaning back into the couch, she rubbed her eyes, and the cruelest thought that had lay dormant in her mind escaped, "Maybe he deserves to die alone."
[ Dean ]:Â There wasn't much surprise to be found as Dean listened to Jordy's darkest thought. He had a feeling that the thing she was wrestling the most with would be exactly what she said. When she was at let her lowest she was the harshest. Dean was a little conflicted about what to say. On the one hand he knew Jordy well and knew how hard it really had been to not truly have either parent in her life. But on the other he knew deep down that Jordy would hate her life even more if she didn't do this. Sometimes other people needed strength even if it meant sacrificing yourself for a little while. At the risk of an explosion, Dean pushed on. "You should tell him that, Jordy. I think it would be good for you and at this point, even if you don't feel like it, you do hold a certain power." He knew that Jordy's father even reaching out did in fact mean that something was up, even if it wasn't the worst thing fate could bring him. "I think he might be expecting it. You should tell him everything." Dean's eyes held the girl's for a moment before he finally just got closer to her. To hell with being too scared, she needed him or someone to just hold her. He waited a moment before putting his arm around her, making sure to not pull her in but rather give her a space to be if she would want it. "There's no right way to feel about him or the situation. So while going to him might feel like losing, you deserve to unload on him. To tell him about the hurt and all of the issues. He's a grown man. Your dad, he can take it." Dean wished he had said everything to his dad. Maybe it could have brought him around sooner. He didn't know, but in looking at Jordy now he wanted her speak all of her truths - to not make the same mistake. "I'll go with you," he blurted out unexpectedly. "If that's what you need, I'd do that in a heartbeat. But it's up to you."
[ Jordy ]:Â Jordy knew he was right, but he made it seem oh so easy, to go and talk. As if her dad would ever listen to her. Jordy learned to shut down when people said things she didn't love best from him and she buried her face in her hands for a second, moving them back to brush away stray tears and looking at the ceiling as his arm slid around her, Â she jumped in shock, then looked up at him. She didn't think, and it was probably the wrong thing to do. As if she were leading him on someway, but she couldn't think of it. Dean had to know the truth, he'd lived it all these years: Jordy could never give him anything with longevity, just a temporary, half assed now. Letting herself melt into his hug, she let him encase her easily as she buried herself into his chest, breathing in his scent and letting it comfort her. Pretending for a brief moment they were different. That she wasn't too damaged to have something this beautiful and that he hadn't been hurt by her. Had been ripped and torn ruthlessly by her selfishness, her fear and she knew that he'd never fall for it again. Curling herself up against him, she felt a wave of exhaustion. "I'm sorry," she murmured, feeling embarrassed, but she was also sorry for unloading it all onto him.
[ Dean ]:Â Dean instantly let his arms fall around Jordy as she curled into him. She hadn't ever done something like this before. Ever. He didn't anything as she cried and even after her apology, all he could do was say, "you don't have to be sorry." Jordy was delicate in a way that most girls and women weren't. In fact, even most men weren't as closed off to their emotions and feelings as she was 99% of the time. Even if it was an act, Jordy was the master, an Oscar winning performer of keeping herself shut up entirely. The tears didn't last long, or at least her body steadied not long after she came to him. Dean continued to lightly rub her back, breathing in the scent of her perfume again and remembering how badly he had wanted this when he was younger. He could appreciate it now but the thought of being "the" guy for Jordy didn't stay long in his mind. Her exhaustion and his sensitivity still weren't compatible. To remember this, Dean somewhat disconnected his thoughts as best as he could, centering back in on the issue. "You shouldn't be caring this around with you every day. You've gotta do something, Jordy." Seeing her like this undoubtedly broke his heart even if Dean wouldn't ever admit it now, or at least just yet. "I'll come with you. I'm sure Kaci would. Let us help. It doesn't have to be like we're your guardians, but please- let's do something." He let Jordy stay against him as he waited for her response, anxious that this night of truths and breakthroughs might end badly. There needed to be change for Jordy and if Dean was the one that would bear the brunt of whatever force was hurled at him then he would; but he knew that if he could talk to Kaci, there might just be hope for a better situational outcome yet.
[ Jordy ]:Â Jordy wiped her eyes, moving away. It was scary to open up and let people inside. Her mind had always been closed, and at times, not even she had dared to poke around in it. She felt so much anger and resentment and misplaced love, that it was best to keep hiding from it where she could. But life wasn't perfect, and every now and then, Jordy had crumbled from time to time, alone, but she'd been younger. Back when she thought it would be the only time she felt as confused and scared as she had. Adults were always supposed to have all the answers, but she grew up and still didn't understand why things happened the way she did and why her defaults and fallbacks became who she was. Clenching her fists, Jordy looked away from him, knowing he was right. It was sound and logical, of course it was the right way to do everything, but facing him? Jordy knew what would happen.
Dean was naive. He had always had someone to care about him, and Jordy didn't have that type of luxury. Dean couldn't comprehend her life, deadbeat father or not, Dean could write him off as a stranger and curl up in his mothers arms and feel love. Jordy had grown up in silence. Bottling things up, keeping them safe like they were weapons, but she'd never used them. How many opportunities had been given to her to throw everything he'd done to her in his face? He knew what he'd done to her, probably cared, but it was done. "Dean," she said tiredly, shaking her head and sighed. "It doesn't matter. You don't get it, and I didn't expect you to either."
[ Dean ]:Â Dean settled back again, sighing heavily as yet another round of defeat had happened. "I kind of do, but I know what you mean. I still had my mom." As he finished his last cup of coffee, he stood up and took Jordy's empty one from the side table. "Do you want to spend the night?" Dean paused, not wanting to make it seem like he felt that anything would or should happen. "You've just been drinking and I don't want you just out there on your own at this point. But without sounding like a pussy, I've gotta be up early tomorrow." He shifted awkwardly from leg to leg and scratched the back of his neck, "you can take the bed if you do stay. I actually sleep on the couch more than anything else so I'm used to it." The thought of Jordy going back to her home upset wasn't something that Dean wanted to think about or have be an option for her. If anything this night had proved that the two of them could work through different emotional things. That had never happened before and Dean wanted to end her night at least feeling okay that he was there if she did need him. "You make the call, okay? I feel like a grease pit so I'm gonna go jump in the shower so that I don't have to bother in the morning." As he began to make his way to the bathroom, he turned back to Jordy and smiled knowing that she probably didn't care about what he needed to do for any reason. Teasingly he said, "In case you needed a play by play, which I know you don't," before heading in and shutting the door behind him. If she was there when he got back Dean would know that things were going in the right direction - and if she wasn't, he would know that it wasn't necessarily because of him but rather Jordy just needing to be on her own. He hoped she would stay but in order for her to stay he recognized that it would always have to be her move not his; and he had to be okay with it no matter what that move was. Freedom was a funny thing, it made people stay when they knew they could go and because of that Dean hoped that he had finally convinced Jordy that he was okay with her going. That was growing up, that was learning to love someone the right way, and he wanted to make sure that it would all be right this time no matter what happened between them from there on out.Â
