@ofwings surprised me with a beautiful gift, commissioned from the very talented @audreymolinatti (inspired by the Meeting on the Turret Stairs 😍)
It’s so beautiful I can’t stop staring at it and grinning. Thank you both for such a wonderful gift. It truly is stunning and the inspiration is spot ON for these two. I love it so much and will treasure it always 🖤
one year ago yesterday i started writing my first ever fic so i wanted to commemorate my writing anniversary with a fic illustration! being a new writer while writing exclusively for non-canon rarepairs (moncassian and… *checks notes* peedy?) forced me to confront very early on whether i like the hobby enough simply for the sake of doing it. and while i’m still not sure whether i will continue, i’m very grateful to have found a fandom community through it. it’s been wonderful to talk about the writing process, learn from other writers, and make new friends. 🫶
writing is still challenging for me, and even after a year my total finished word count is only 19.5k, but considering my original intent was to write a oneshot to excise my moncassian brainworms, i’d say i’ve exceeded my expectations (or not, considering the brainworms have multiplied).
5 times i wrote moncassian + 1 time i wrote peedy
moncassian:
interim. their unexpected first time on yavin. rated M, 3.3k. angst
fragile cargo. fake marriage with glup shitto kids, closest thing they get to a beach episode. rated T, 2.9k. fluff and light angst
the space between. a vignette fic spanning one year on yavin and ending before scarif. rated M, 5.2k. angst and light comedy
with the first light of dawn. mon, the night before she pulls back. rated M, 0.7k. angst and tenderness
rooms within rooms within rooms. a companion fic from the pov of a mystified k-2so. rated T, 6.4k. comedy, crack treated seriously, angst
peedy:
for all my flaws. a young senator palpatine ponders his unconventional arrangement. rated M, 0.8k. crack treated seriously
Treasures buried soul deep
And crossed under crack
Now there's no voice
Choice or any road back
Black through the mountains
She turns her loosening ring
Guardian angel sings
"I think you've lost your wings
But you're still yours
Don't give up now
You've still a little will left
Will you be strong
Give song
Fulfill the promises you made
Slave to yourself
Your health and your growing debts
Keep thinking…
"I know I can flourish still
Rewrite these wrongs
Make a home
Make a child
Belong"
Patrick Wolf - Bitten
Coruscant receives Mon with unusual quiet and heavy rain.
They'd been on their way back to Chandrila. Even with the Empire gone, there was much work still ahead of them.
And yet, no one had questioned her request to come here, or why she'd ordered them to stay behind, going off of nothing but an inkling that she was going to find something here.
She pulls her cloak tighter around her as she makes her way along half dilapidated buildings and through small alleyways. Eventually, the Senate comes into view.
Back to the beginning.
The Senate building, once opulent and bustling with life, lies deserted, the doors slightly ajar, the wind chiming through the half-open windows like a haunting cry.
The imperial flags are gone.
So are the people within.
She draws a deep, shaky breath as she steps through the door. Dust billows over the once spotless floors of the hallways.
It's my people today and yours tomorrow! A voice breaks the eerie silence. Remember this day! Remember Ghorman!
She looks around, but there's no one there.
Very idealistic, that one.
I can't help you, Senator, much as I admire your enthusiasm.
This is how liberty dies...
Chancellor Palpatine wouldn't! How DARE you...
I came to thank you, Mon.
The voices subside as quickly as they appear, mingling, blending together.
Don't worry about me. Once I get you started, I'll have my head down. This time, she hears it loud and clear, but as she glances over her shoulder, again she stares down an empty hallway.
She holds her breath as she strides towards the Senate Chamber, trying to ignore the lump in her throat.
The doors no longer respond to her touch. She lets out a sigh.
I’ve spent my life in this Chamber. I came here as a child. And as I look around me now, I realize that I have almost no memories that pre-date my arrival and few moments of affection that cleave so tightly.
She looks at the dormant room, steels herself, and turns around.
The rain has subsided a bit as she steps outside again, and only now does she notice something she'd never noticed before.
Plants have started to grow around the building, most not even commonly found on Coruscant - Millaflower, Orcanthus, spiky green grass and minuscule blue starflowers. And Candlewick - droves of it, ranking along the façade, taking over the polished metal even though there's barely anything for it to hold onto.
There isn't even much soil for any of these plants to grow - and yet, despite everything, they're there, surviving stubbornly.
How ironic.
Finally, a small speck of sunlight breaks through the clouds, and for a moment, she pulls down the hood of her cloak and takes in the warmth and the scent of the flowers.
"Chancellor."
The hazy silhouette of a man appears next to her.
She knows that silhouette. She knows that voice.
"They're beautiful, aren't they?"
"Why are you..." she whispers. "You're dead."
"And you're probably expected somewhere else", Bail counters. "But you decided to come here."
"I wanted to see what became of it", she replies. "I'm sorry, Bail. For everything."
"I'm glad you came to visit." He reaches for her arm, and she can feel the cold touch through the fabric of her cloak. "How's Leia?"
"With me." She tries to keep her voice steady. "She's... doing good work."
"You should've been there", she adds after a pause.
"Mon, listen to me." The silhouette flickers. "Everything went according to plan. I can rest easy knowing that."
The cold sensation creeps up from her elbow to her shoulder. "Now go. You have an entire galaxy waiting for you."
She nods, and the vision vanishes.
"I could really use your advice, old friend", she whispers to no one.
"Hey." She startles at the voice from behind her. "You got this far. One step at a time, alright?"
With that, he's gone. She forces herself to turn away, exhaling slowly.
No point in staying any longer, she thinks. But our old apartment is just around the corner. Might as well...
The apartment complex looks exactly as she remembers. A bit more run down, perhaps, with the once white paint peeling off the walls in gray strips and the dust covering the floors, but apart from that, it stands unchanged.
Apartment 1313.
This door, miraculously, does still respond to her touch. She opens it and peeks inside. Immediately, unease creeps up on her.
"Is there anyone here?" she whispers.
The room remains silent for a moment. Then, a weak voice responds from somewhere within the apartment.
"Mon? Is that you?"
"Who are you?" she asks, frantically looking around, only now realizing that she has nothing to defend herself with.
She involuntarily takes a step back when a familiar figure emerges in front of her. "Mon. Mon, it's me."
"Perrin?!"
"Welcome back." He pauses, averting his eyes. "Have a seat."
She takes a moment to muster him as she sits down on the couch in the living room, now threadbare, and he eventually sits down next to her.
Physically, he seems unharmed, better than before she'd left, even. Thank the Stars. But still...
This isn't the man I remember.
The man she remembered had been jovial, careless, talking about seeking joy and the comfort of a good meal.
Now, he's a little quieter, a little more somber, cheerless, the lines on his face a little deeper, and she isn't quite sure whether it's the course of the years that has taken its toll or whether his joviality had always been a façade.
"You stayed", she blurts out. "All those years, and you're still here."
"... yes." His voice quivers.
"Are you alright?"
"Don't worry about me." He crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Why are you here, Mon?"
"We're on our way back to Chandrila", she explains. "The Empire may be gone, but our work doesn't end there. Chandrila will be our temporary base, and... I wanted to see what became of Coruscant before going home."
"Home." The bitterness in the word isn't lost on her. She tacitly takes his hand in hers and links her fingers with his.
"Come. Come with me. Let's get out of here."
Perrin doesn't respond; he squeezes her hand a little tighter in acknowledgment as they leave the apartment behind and they keep walking without another word until end up back at the spaceport.
She taps her comm. "Erskin."
"Yes Ma'am."
"I'm back at the spaceport."
"Copy that. I'll ready everything."
"I hope you don't mind us having one more passenger", she continues. "Because I happened upon someone whom I have a lot to discuss with."
"Wha-"
Perrin leans towards her. "Thank you, Erskin."
"Is that who I think it is?" She can hear the barely concealed laugh. "Leia, you'll stay here in front with me. These two do have a lot to discuss."
The door of the small shuttle hisses as it opens, then closes behind them with a quiet finality.
"Well, I suppose that's that." She can feel his gaze on her as they settle into their seats. "I didn't think I'd see Chandrila again."
"Why did you stay?" she argues. "You could've gone anywhere."
"I'm not sure", he replies. "But I'm glad I did."
He pauses. "Tell me what happened, Mon."
"You first."
Perrin looks at her with an expression she can't place.
"Alright. Though you might find my story less... inspiring."
"Go on. Surprise me."
"The truth is, I have no recollection of the first few... weeks, maybe months after you left", he begins, "Well. That's only half true. I was too drunk to think clearly for most of it, but have one very... specific yet vague memory. A moment of clarity after the frenzy, perhaps... anyway, at some point I found myself in a limospeeder, feeling terrible, with a woman next to me. No idea of what happened or how I got there or whether I'd done... something stupid."
"After that, I laid low. Somehow pulled myself together, kept up appearances. There's not much more to tell." Silence settles between them for a brief instant before he continues. "You made it clear you do not trust me. I can't fault you for that, much less after what I just told you. But whatever it is you're planning to do, I'll be there to help if you'll have me."
Again, Mon finds herself considering the man next to her.
Again, she sees someone she barely recognizes.
"Say something." He turns slightly, shoulders slumping, avoiding her gaze.
"I..." A sobering realization creeps up on her as she lets her gaze wander out the ship's small window. "You know what? I don't think it particularly matters anymore."
Perrin's attention immediately snaps back to her.
"But..."
"Perrin, listen." She inhales sharply. "Things have changed since I left. Which means things between us..."
"... aren't going to be the same, either." He grimaces. "Yes, I figured as much."
She lets her head sink against his shoulder, and to her surprise, he lets her.
"Before I left, I kept you at an arm's length because I thought I could protect you that way", she says. "I can't undo that. But the Empire is gone now, no more need to put on an act, and... you offered to help, so I'm taking you up on that offer."
"As you wish." His voice is still terse, the words reticent, but she can feel some of the tension subside as the cabin of the ship falls silent again.
"Do you remember", she finally asks, "your speech at Leida's wedding?"
"The constant cloud of sadness. Yes, yes, I remember all too well, unfortunately."
"... you were right, you know."
"That surely isn't something I ever expected to hear from you, of all people."
"You're hearing it now." She attempts a smile. "I thought a lot about that evening after I left. And about that speech."
"And did you find it? The joy? The music buried beneath the noise?"
The music buried beneath the noise.
She thinks back to thirty years ago, her and Perrin standing under a garland of blue blossoms, rain soaking their starched garments.
Late nights in the Senate.
Her and Perrin falling out, then finding their way back together.
Holding Leida in her arms for the first time, a tiny, helpless bundle.
Watching that helpless bundle grow up and eventually forsaking her family, her career, her perfect, cushy life for something bigger than any of them.
To Yavin, sitting by a fire, chatting and forgetting about the war around them for a moment, getting a bit too excited for their own good.
To a hand, a cup of tea, a warm coat offered when it was needed.
To the day her efforts - their efforts - finally paid off and the Empire fell.
To a moment of quiet serenity standing amongst a bunch of flowers that obstinately refused to die.
"Maybe."
Perrin cocks his head, waiting for her to continue.
"And maybe we'll find it again, somewhere."
"Then maybe", he suggests, "We could start looking right here, right now."
"You make it sound so awfully easy."
"Well", Perrin retorts simply, mouth quirking up, "Perhaps it is."
Perhaps, she thinks. Start here, and... keep walking.
Once more, her gaze wanders outside. They must have made the majority of the trip already - Chandrila has come into view, a faint green and blue speck among a tapestry of stars, but there nonetheless.
Keep walking. We've done it before, haven't we? One step at a time. One step at a time. The way under our feet was paved by thousands of these seemingly inconsequential steps, after all.
"Looks like we're almost back", Perrin interrupts her spiraling thoughts. She manages a faint nod as she turns to him.
Will you walk this next part of the way with me?
She reaches out to cup Perrin's cheek with her hand. He tenses for a moment before releasing a trapped breath and pulling her into his arms.
She leans in until their foreheads come to rest against each other. Then Perrin closes the tiny gap between them.
The kiss is gentle, soft, for once not exchanged out of obligation or in the heat of the moment, but to say I'm here. I love you.
He's the first to pull back slightly, breaking the kiss without letting go of her entirely. She keeps her eyes closed for a moment, and when she opens them again, he's still inches from her, and she can see the tears brimming in his eyes despite the low light in the cabin.
"Don't cry." She reaches up to wipe them away. "I promise..."
Perrin shakes his head. His hands grip her shoulders, a little too forceful, still refusing to let go.
"I don't want to hear your promises, Mon." He loosens his grip. "I'm sorry. You coming back so suddenly..."
"I know." Her fingers briefly fiddle with the thin golden band with the twin gemstones, the only link to her old life for many, many years and through every high and low that those years had brought.
Perrin cups her hand with his.
"You still haven't told me what happened."
"Too much to fit it into the few minutes until we land."
Thankfully, he doesn't push the subject any further. He leans back and folds his hands in his lap. "Later, then."
The shuttle finally touches Chandrilan soil. Mon taps her comm again. "Erskin, Leia - thank you. Take the rest of the day off, why don't you."
"Understood", Erskin replies.
Perrin offers her his arm. She hesitates for a moment before taking it, only for his hand to slip away and wander along her back soon after, a tiny spark to a livewire. She doesn't know if she can allow herself to savor it just yet.
One step at a time, alright?
They find themselves in the kitchen of the estate, and for the first time in a long time, Mon finds herself fumbling for words. Finally, her eyes land on the kettle by the stove and she makes a simple offer.
"Tea?"
Perrin acknowledges it with a smirk. "Gladly."
-----------------
Well, this was supposed to go up for May 4th but clearly I didn't get it done on time. Hope you still enjoy some fresh MonPerrin content.
"Pain will find you. Trouble and disagreement will arrive without summons. There's no choice in this. There's no effort required. You simply stand still and the galaxy will deliver a daily basket of fresh anxieties to your door without fail. But my solom... My solom seyna... The Elders know what I'm talking about, right? My hope... My hope... My hope is that you learn to reach past this constant cloud of sadness. Pleasure. Gaiety. Amusement. These are the hidden things. The music buried beneath all that noise... Joy. Joy! Joy... But joy has no wind at its back. Joy will not announce its arrival. You need to listen for it, and be mindful of how fleeting and delicate it can be. But search out these treasures. A moment of, of pleasing sensation, the memory of laughter and good company, the comfort of a fine meal. And for me... For me, right now, it's the smile that I can't hide as I see these two young people sharing our greatest tradition. Sagrona."
romaincrisis
turnnoffyourmind
areudirty
