can anyone help me find a fic? it was a haechi wang x chocol x reader and it was about the reader feeling insecure without them being around. please let me know if you know the work 😭...
summary: An aspiring journalist, you are the news editor for The Uni Chronicles; the campus newspaper, popular for delivering breaking news at the drop of a hat and providing detailed articles about the various happenings around your university. You think you’ve covered every story there was to cover before you’re tasked with producing an in-depth editorial on a student whose name is on everyone’s lips—Hwang Hyunjin.
a/n: surprise! just thought I’d add a few cute pics of the crew’s adventures in the mountains, enjoy~
summary: An aspiring journalist, you are the news editor for The Uni Chronicles; the campus newspaper, popular for delivering breaking news at the drop of a hat and providing detailed articles about the various happenings around your university. You think you’ve covered every story there was to cover before you’re tasked with producing an in-depth editorial on a student whose name is on everyone’s lips—Hwang Hyunjin.
a/n: hehe I really feel like this is a brand new chapter for our couple in so many ways—so there’s a lot of new things to figure out. At least now they kinda have their shit together and openly love each other 🙄 but that doesn’t change that fact that they’ll never stop bickering 🤭
Synopsis: You crave a life of normalcy, he craves you. And he'd do anything to keep you, even if you're for the world to see.
warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, subby/service top!barista hyune, softdom!reader, oral (m), piv, protected sex, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, consensual recording, lmk if I missed anything :p
Past Broadcasts : Puppeteer
Live : Hi, My Name Is
Next Scheduled Broadcast : Sunday
☆ﾟ
Rule number five: know when to cut the cord.
But it was so difficult when he was literally showing up at your front door. You avoided him at all costs, acted like he didn’t exist, even found a new grocery store because it was too close to the coffee shop and you were terrified of the possibility of running into him there even if the chances were slim to none. There wasn’t even a reason for you to be scared to see him, he rejected you. He’s the one that should be embarrassed, turning down a ten out of ten.
Then again, he was a ten out of ten. A twelve out of ten, even. But why did he have to shove it in your face?
You were red in the face, light sheen of sweat all over your body when you’d heard the knock. The middle of the day and you were in the middle of a solo session, breaking in a new toy you’d gotten for the next stream. An hour had probably passed when you realized it just wasn’t working. Nothing was. The last time you’d been with Hyunjin was also the last time you’d cum, and it was frustrating the life out of you. As someone in this industry, cumming as many times as you wanted was one of the few motivators you had left. The amount of times you’d had to fake an orgasm on your streams was hurting your ego, as well as starting to get slightly suspicious to your regular viewers.
And now the sole object of your desire was behind a slab of wood that may as well have not been there at all. Your body heated up as soon as you saw him, like a warm hug. A fucking hug on the chilliest day of winter with a hot chocolate slipping down your throat. There’s also something else that would be awfully nice down you throat, and it’s behind the fucking door.
Through the peephole, you could see flowers and a coffee in his hand, biting his lip waiting for you to open. You hoped he didn’t hear you, that he’d assume you weren’t home and leave you alone for good. If you ignored him long enough, you’ll forget you’d ever even met him.
You backed away from the door when there was a second knock, hand still reached out holding the nob out of habit. The desire to open it was almost strong enough to override the nagging at the back of your head that told you “he’s just using you. He got in your pants so easily the first time, what’s to stop him from coming back for more?”
Almost.
It was a ruse, it had to be, this grand gesture. He was love bombing you. There was something he wanted. If not just sex, then fifteen minutes of fame? Using you for your platform? Still, you wanted to see the best in him, creeping up to the door again and silently looking through the peephole again. He was biting the inside of his cheek, switching the coffee between his hands when it got too cold. At some point he’d put everything into one hand so that he could run his hand through his hair– you gasped a little at how effortlessly beautiful he was, not trying knowing no one was looking and still ethereal. He mumbled something to himself, you blinked then he suddenly dipped out of the frame.
He was finally gone. Another deep breath, your head rolled to the side and your back pressed to the wall, sliding down into a crouch probably a lot more dramatic than need be. But this felt dramatic, fucking theatrical like it was some poorly written fanfiction turned into a D-list casted movie. Twiddling your thumbs as if looking at them long enough would suddenly give you the answer, the small burst of adrenaline had finally begun to wear off, and sulking back into your pitiful showroom you went.
-
Hyujin doesn’t know how long he’d been waiting outside your house. He’d eventually decided to make himself comfy on the floor with his back to the door. Flowers, coffee, and baked good set aside, he scrolled through his phone and kept himself busy until eventually, he’d fallen asleep. Head lolled to the side, mouth agape, and snoring in the hallway.
Then he’s suddenly falling backwards, beyond startled and looking up at… an angel?
“Definitely not an angel.”
Did I say that out loud?
“Yes.”
Dazed, confused, a little gutpunched, Hyunjin sat up with your help. Just a light hand on his back until he realized you were touching him and he jumped to his feet and scrambled to grab the bouquet. Holding it out to you with shaking hands, “a peace offering.”
You looked at the gifts, leaned against the wall, and back up to his face, “what are you doing here, Hyunjin?”
He glanced around the room to take in the sight of your home without the prospect of sex slightly clouding his mind. It was cute, everything was so you, but also somehow entirely different to what he’d imagined your apartment would look like. It wasn’t reflective of your showroom, which was all neon lights and sultry furniture to keep the mood. The rest of the house was cozy with little pieces of decoration that screamed with personality. The dimming glow of the sunset lighting the living room was the perfect accessory.
Wait, sunset?
You peaked at where he was looking, “did you fall asleep?” Hyunjin nodded.
Now you felt bad, guilty even. You shouldn’t seeing as there was little to no established relationship and you didn’t owe him anything, but you did. His cheeks were puffy, pink tinted, and he still looked a little lethargic. Cute. Very cute. How badly you wanted to nibble on his cheeks cus they looked so edible. He looked edible.
No. Stop it.
“I would offer you a snack but the last time I did that you left me high and dry.”
He didn’t know if you were being serious, turning his attention back to you with a dumbfounded expression. “Really? You didn’t feel so dry to me.” Not a single ounce of shame, but also not trying to be smug. And no filter in his brain or mouth. “You didn’t call.”
Straight to the point.
Hyunjin invited himself in and headed for the kitchen he vaguely recalls following you into for said snack. He shuffled around in search of a vase, pushing the coffee into your chest when he finally found one and bumping into you because you were trailing so close behind. The little sip you took as he filled the vase with water to display on your kitchen counter made your body temperature soothe.
“You didn’t stay,” the softness of your voice made his heart sink.
“Did you really want me to?”
How were you supposed to answer that? Say that, yes, I wanted you to stay so bad that I chose to ignore you instead of confront you because it’s easier to pretend you don’t exist than risk getting hurt again? Actually tell him that you haven’t been able to make yourself orgasm properly since the last time you were together? That he’s ruined how you view pleasure entirely? That sex and pleasure and dating and basic human relationships seems so fucking pointless if it’s not with him? To a man you’ve known for a week? No, that’s not an option. It’s batshit insane.
What’s also insane is how simple talking to him is. It’s psychotic that you feel more comfortable alone with him than you do people you’ve known for years. You’re delusional to think that this is more than physical attraction, even if it is. It’s so much more than that and every bone in you is telling you let the dainty red string pull you closer, let it guide you towards him. And god, you want to. It’s too good to be real, he’s not real. He’s a figment of your imagination that only exists in fairy tales because little red strings of fate don’t determine your life, they don’t tell you who you’ll love, it doesn't mean anything. Not a single fucking thing.
“Yes.”
Now, why the fuck would you say that?
“You should’ve told me,” Hyunjin let out a sigh of what you think was relief. His shoulders slouched forward and smiled up at the ceiling.
His nonchalant made you raise an eyebrow, “I offered! You declined!”
“Don’t yell at me. I left my phone number on your desk, you didn’t call. Drink before it gets watered down.” You frowned and took a sip. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“What are you talking about? What phone number?”
“The one on your desk? With the pretty drawing of you and the… y’know?”
“I didn’t see anything.”
“What?!” He slammed the bag with the baked item onto the counter and stormed through the apartment towards your showroom. You watched as he scoured the room, searching the bed, corners, your desk for whatever it is he was looking for.
Hyunjin had gotten on his hands and knees to look below it, finally to roll your chair back and pull the cupsleeve out from under it. The cardboard was smashed, crumpled, a little dirty. He stumbled to his feet to hold it in front of you, accompanying his raised, unamused brow.
“To be fair, I thought my chair was broken.”
“You didn’t even bother to look at why it might’ve been broken?!” You shrugged, sipping the coffee again. Hyunjin huffed and tossed the cup sleeve back onto your desk. “You’re insufferable. Where the fuck is your phone?”
“Don’t swear at me.” Pointing at the bed, Hyunjin rolled his eyes before taking it.
“Passcode?” You tell him the six digits to unlock it. “Is that your birthday?”
“...No.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll remember. I’ll even add it to your contact so that I get the notification.” After a few moments, he smiled triumphantly and tossed your phone next to the abandoned cupsleeve. “Now… Dinner?”
“That’s it?”
“What do you mean?”
“You forgive me?”
“There’s nothing to forgive?”
“I left you outside.”
“Yeah.”
“For hours.”
“Sure.”
“You fell asleep on my doorstep.”
“Where were you going, anyway? The sun was going down.”
“To get my mail.”
“What?! At night alone?! Now, that’s unforgivable.” Hyunjin took a step towards you, slim yet broad figure shielding yours from just about everything in your immediate vision. He leaned over, placing both of his hands on the sides of your head to hold you steady as he placed a simple kiss to your forehead.
The sudden affection made your brain short circuit because what the hell? How was he so okay with everything? It was almost like there was a wind up monkey toy holding cymbals inside his head that started clapping whenever his attention was taken somewhere else. But somehow, you were even more attracted to him, if that was even possible.
“Were you doing something in here? It smells like sweat.” He said and casually strolled out of your showroom.
For hours, you and Hyunjin were in your kitchen. Half of that was spent trying to figure out what the two of you could cook without burning the house down. The conversation was so entertainingly mundane that neither of you realized how much time had truly passed, sun fully set and night sky helping illuminate the dimly lit living room. He insisted on doing most of the cooking when you both agreed that boxed pasta and premade red sauce would be the safest thing.
All you had to do was sit back and ogle his back muscles as he stirred the pot, maybe hand him a napkin or spoon when asked. The white shirt he wore was as thin as they come, tank top more than visible beneath it and making your mouth water. The room had become incredibly warm as Hyunjin put the wooden spoon to the side. With his back to you, you got to watch as both his hands threaded through his hair, gathering what he could, and tying it into a messy ponytail. God, how did he do that? That thing where he just exists and it makes you swoon? He needs to stop– it’s getting ridiculous how hearts were basically replacing your pupils.
“If it tastes horrible, lie to me and act like it doesn’t.” Hyunjin placed a full plate in front of you, taking the seat across from you.
For the most part, the meal itself was silent. There just weren’t any words that you could think coherently enough to speak. Great food, made especially for you, and by the most handsome boy you’d ever seen, why would you need to say anything? Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind. All it looked like he cared about was not taking his eyes off you.
It was just the littlest bit uneasy, but nothing that put you off. His stare was just intense, part of you thought he was reading your mind. However, if he could, you probably wouldn’t have had to spend a week apart.
“I don’t understand you,” you admit as you suddenly find your plate nearing clean.
“Do you have to?” He responded, putting his fork down and sitting back while adjusting to spread his knees.
“I’d like to.”
Oh, how his heart fluttered when you said that. It felt like a step in the right direction. “That’s the first time you’ve asked me something personal that isn’t related to sex.”
You frowned along with the small guilt that lingered over your shoulder. “This is only the fourth time we’ve met.”
“Most people ask this before taking their clothes off. I think I’ve told you before, you’re not like most people.” He could see you bite the inside of your cheek, making a cute pout that he could tell was coming from a place of an unnecessary amount of self awareness. “I like it, though. Why do you think I came back?”
“I don’t know why. That’s, like, the whole point of me saying, ‘I don’t understand you.’”
Hyunjin reached over the short distance between him and you, thumb smoothing the ruffle between your brows and you instantly relaxed. As awkward as he could be, he really knew how to make you feel so at ease, second nature for him to be comfort embodied. There was no judgment on his face or in his tone that you could see. If you had asked what he was thinking about, he would have answered with how pretty your cheeks glow after a good meal.
“That day, you agreed to come with me and… participate..?” Hyunjin nodded along and listened intently, continuing to lightly push your hair from your forehead and trace the outline of your cheek. “Then we showered and snacked and then you just… you left. And didn’t so much as twitch when you looked at me after we were done.”
His jaw wanted to drop to the floor just how it did in the cartoons. That was the only reaction he could emit as it all clicked into place. Why you didn’t look for him or stop by the coffee shop, why you were reluctant to open the door and accept his gift, the slightly cold shoulder you gave him when you so clearly wanted to be nothing but a blanket of warmth. “Is that what you think?”
Hyunjin’s heart hurt a little when you didn’t answer, but he also wanted to laugh in your face at how stupid all of this was. However, he had clocked it the second you two had a real conversation, and so laughing at you was probably the last thing he should do. Instead, he trailed his touch down your jaw, gently cupping your cheek. “You’re more than all this,” hands slid quickly, gesturing down your sides and back up. “So much more.”
The tears wanted to swell in your eyes at how sincere his voice was. He could’ve been lying, for all you knew, but the small part of you that wanted to believe him was also the biggest part of you that had always wanted someone to tell you those small words. The small part of you that wanted to be wanted was also the biggest part of you that wanted him. It was all so confusing, you understood him perfectly but also not at all. Hyunjin could read you easily by now, you were like an open book to him.
“But I was naked.”
“And so fucking beautiful,” practically gritted through his teeth because just saying the words couldn’t express the painfully good clenching in his chest. Hyunjin pulled back for a second to stand up and shrink to his knees in front of you, reaching up again to take your cheeks in both of his hands. “But how could I look at just your body when there is so much up here to get to know?”
There it was again, all the right words executed perfectly in spite of how great of a wall you put between you and him. Hyunjin smoothly pressed a kiss to your forehead, for emphasis or not, it made you shut your eyes tightly and the tears silently rolled. His thumbs were swiping it away before making it over the hill of your cheekbone, and he was standing to take your empty dishes into the kitchen for cleaning.
You were absolutely stunned. Unsure of where to go, how to act, what to say, you simply watched him quickly wash the plates with an endearing smile all the way across his cheeks before he was taking your hand to lead you towards the couch. He sat you next to him, millimeters apart and reading your body language. Definitely in need of a lighter mood.
Hyunjin stuck his hand out for a handshake.
“What’re you doing?” Your voice cracked.
“Hi, my name is Hyunjin. You’re incredibly gorgeous and I’d love to take you out sometime.”
“If this is some kind of roleplay–”
“It’s not,” he took your hand from your lap to connect with his. “This is me wanting to know you, and you wanting to know me. I don’t know what you do for a living, and you don’t know what my dick looks like. Just people.”
Just people, that sounded nice.
You hesitated, then shook his hand. “Hi, I’m Y/N.”
“So Y/N, can I take you on a date? Maybe have a picnic in the park, grab some cheap painting supplies and go paint near the river, dessert at the best ice cream spot I know. We can make it a nice day.” He tucked his hand back into his lap respectfully, throwing the other over the back of the couch to get just the littlest bit close to you.
“I’d like to, but I’m lactose intolerant.”
“See, I’d say that’s a lie because of your coffee order. But since I don’t know you, I’m going to take your word for it and offer a cake place that I’ve heard great reviews about.”
“I don’t like frosting–”
“Just go on a date with me!” He raised his voice slightly with aggravation, teasing annoyance because he knew you were being difficult on purpose. You couldn’t help but giggle as he pretended to squish your cheeks when in reality, he was forcing down his cute aggression to keep from taking a loving bite out of you.
Your cheeks warmed up at his reaction, endearing and all together cute. He was a weird combination of adorable and sexy, even now with strands of his hair falling in front of his face, glasses hanging on the front of his shirt but a gold chain peeking out from behind the neckline that would look so good dangling in your face. You couldn’t help taking the glasses and opening them, slipping it onto his face. Hyunjin let you toy with his look by lightly brushing his hair away and pulling the necklace out of its hiding place. He raised his eyebrows when you were done. The skin of his neck tingled from where your fingertips had barely grazed.
“If you dress like this, I’m all yours.”
For a second, he didn’t know what to say as that was all he wanted to hear. For all of the smooth moves and suave lines, there were the split moments where he radiated nothing but dorkiness wanting to flood out.
“If you keep saying things like that, I might just kiss you.”
“What’s stopping you?”
“I– I don’t really know.” There it was, eyebrows knit together in genuine confusion.
While he sulked back into the cushion, you placed a gentle hand over his, just gauging the touch barrier. Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind, but rather he intertwined his fingers with yours as he fell deeper into thought. “I wanna go on a date with you,” the admittance had him darting you a quick, hopeful glance. “But, I don’t know how to do this.”
“That’s okay!” He was quick to perk up and make your grimace back a little at his sudden burst in energy. Hyunjin tightened his grip on your hand for reassurance. “I think our expertise just lies in different areas.”
“I’m not following.”
He jutted out his bottom lip with fake sympathy, scratching the underside of your chin. “If you didn’t notice, I’m not the most intuitive when it comes to sex.”
That was a shock. “I dunno about that,” an honest answer that made him shy away with a laugh.
“My experience is incomparable to yours, and not in a bad way! Just, maybe there were some things I was missing.”
You thought back to the moment you had with him, how unsure he seemed when you spoke about sex and masturbation, he seemed truly mind blown and eager to know more.
“And I can tell, you haven’t had the easiest times with relationships. I think we can learn from each other.”
“This feels like a weird, illegal exchange.” You frowned again. “But I kinda like it.”
His heart raced, yours was beating a million miles an hour. There was a tension in the air that could’ve gone one of two ways. The first being that you pop open a bottle of wine and put on a good movie. There’s chocolate truffles in the cupboard, you could always grab a bowl to have with the wine. Sweet compliments sweet, Hyunjin might enjoy it. Perhaps you could end the night with a kiss, maybe a cuddle if it went that far. You’d see him again, you didn’t have a doubt about it. You’ve got his number now, there’s no more excuses.
The second, was how things actually went.
You mentally thanked your friend for giving you these dim lights for the living room, they made his honey skin look so edible.
Hyunjin doesn’t know when it happened, you don’t know when it happened. Just that there were half finished glasses of wine on the coffee table, the movie long passed the rolling credits, and that you were on your knees between his legs, staring at his cock with the roundest, glitteriest eyes he’d ever seen.
Your bra strap was slipping off your shoulder along with the entire cup threatening to be overflowed by your breast, he wished it would. More than that, he wished you would stop teasing him. All you were doing was tracing the pad of your finger over his slit, collecting the leaking precum and spreading it around the tip. The warmth of your breath splayed over the skin of his pelvis made goosebumps rise across every inch of his skin, giggling as he shivered.
“How did this even– ah, ah– happen?”
Vibrations of your chuckle prolonged his shuddering, “dunno. I’m not upset about it, though. Unless… unless you are?” You backed away from his cock and expression replaced with something dead serious.
“No, no! God, please keep going.” Hyunjin reached out to thread his fingers in your hair, but a quick slap on his wrist made him retreat.
“Nuh, uh. You haven’t earned that yet.”
Hyunjin repressed a groan, “sorry, sorry.”
He felt overly exposed even if you were just as naked as he was, you actually more so than him. The blurred memory of how this even started was brought back when he glanced at your discarded shirt hanging on the armrest of the couch, your house shorts and his white tee in another pile on the ground next to you. His pants and boxers were puddled around his ankles, and that was what made his face burn. Whatever was to happen next, say you wanted him to carry you to the bedroom or pin you against the wall, he’d literally be caught with them around his ankles. It’s a problem he can’t put on to you, but it still made him flustered nonetheless.
You were a few inches from his bare southern region, now, having to sit up taller so that his leaking dick didn’t obstruct from maintaining eye contact with him. “I… really like you,” tone as small as it could go without turning into a whisper.
“I really like you, too.” As antsy and anxious as he was, Hyunjin restrained from bucking into your face.
“There’s something I wanna do, only if you wanna, too. I think you might like it? Y– you can say no! No hard feelings! I just think that I’ll be seeing you a lot a– and you already know what my job is–”
He leaned forward to tip your chin higher, “I trust you.”
Blush covered your cheeks in a millisecond and it made Hyunjin smile smugly. When you turned around to grab your phone on the coffee table and prop it up against the wine bottle, he got the idea. Before you unlocked it, you spun back to face him. “I need you to say that this is okay.” Not that you didn’t trust him, as well, but you have every reason not to. Not just morally, but this was your career on the line if something were to go haywire.
“I am okay with this. Turn on the camera.”
You nodded excitedly, “this is just for us.”
The angle at which you positioned your phone made it so that his face wasn’t showing, only the view of your body between his knees sitting prettily for him. Hyunjin could see the screen and throbbed even harder, he was torn between looking at you and looking at the hottest video you’ve ever made to date. Or, about to make– with him. Even if no one else is ever going to see this, the act of being recorded made him harder than he’s ever been.
Blipping of the recording being started, you settled comfortably again locked between his legs. Hands strolling up the insides of his naked thighs, Hyunjin’s breath grew heavier the closer in you came. He could feel your body heat again as he prayed you would hurry up. The camera couldn’t pick up the way you ogled his cock, the way you licked your lips, or the way you looked up at him through your lashes just as you stuck the tip of your tongue out to gather the bead precum and swallow. Hyunjin let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in and the sound of his sigh made you giggle again.
“Can I?” You asked all too sweetly for what it is you wanted.
“Please.”
“So kind,” praised before he was about to be destroyed.
Absolutely obliterated, total annihilation, earth-splitting and volcanoes erupting the same way he did as soon as your mouth took in the tip of his cock. He blew on the spot, and you sucked him through his orgasm until he was dry and shriveled up with embarrassment. “Fuck– god, oh my– fuck, I‘m sorry! I’m so sorry!” He continued to twitch into your mouth as you licked up whatever remained.
It didn’t even seem to phase you, his premature finish was more than worthy of a few reprimands, possibly making him leave all together and deleting his number. Less than satisfactory. But it made you all the more excited. Where he crumbled is where you saw potential to create skyscrapers of pleasure, all intended to blow his mind.
An easy swallow of his seed down your throat, you kissed the inside of his thighs in reassurance. “‘S okay. I liked it,” honest as honest can be.
“Tell me if I should pull my pants up and leave so I can save whatever dignity I have left.”
“Dignity is overrated. Degradation is a whooole lot more fun. Plus,” showing off his whiteness on your tongue, you licked a stripe up the center of his dick and Hyunjin shuddered again, “you’re really sensitive.”
Hyunjin sat back and let it happen to him, he couldn’t find the strength to so much as tell you when he was about to cum again because it was so painfully good. It didn’t take very long or very much effort on your part, simply having to massage his balls and pinch the skin of his pelvis while your tongue worked minimal magic as you kept him sheathed in your warm, wet mouth. His nails raked across the couch cushion in a way that made you feel a little bad that he couldn’t touch you. Just a little. “Did so good for me. Think you can do one more, baby?”
He was on the verge of saying no, until you stood up. Amidst his plummeting energy and evergrowing sensitivity, Hyunjin didn’t have half the mind to remember that you were just as needy as he was. You were having so much fun playing with him that you almost forgot, as well. The face he makes when he cums is the hottest thing you’ve ever seen, you were this close to rutting against his leg like a fucking dog. You’d do it, too, shamelessly. However, you figured you could save that for another day. This was about him.
You stood, ass taking up the entire view in the camera. You let him watch you strip, unclipping your bra and tossing it somewhere forgotten. Evening the score, you tugged at the hem of his tank top to discard, although you were teetering back and forth on letting him keep it on. Next off was your panties, left along on the floor before you began to climb into his lap.
Oh god, you were straddling him. Really straddling him. Wet pussy on full display, knees spread and so close to his cock that he could feel the dampness on his own skin. Or was that just cus you were sloppy earlier? He didn’t care, nor did he have to try to get hard again seeing as he never went soft.
You didn’t sit fully, hovering over him with the only skin touching being your thighs on his and your arms draped over his shoulder. Hyunjin found comfort in the heat as you wiped away the sweaty hair sticking to his forehead, leaning deeper into your touch. When you dragged your hands down his arms to guide them to hold onto your waist, he struggled not to buck his hips up into you. He thought about how you might laugh when you rewatch the footage later, but Hyunjin couldn’t bring himself to care no matter how ridiculous it looked. He knows that he was rutting into nothing but the air, but the increase in heat when he got close to your cunt was more than satisfactory if you decided it wasn’t what you wanted.
Except you were ready to go for it and was reaching for the side drawer for condoms, even if it meant overstimulating him even more. He wouldn’t protest, he wanted it just as much. “Are you okay?” You asked concerned when he tucked his face into your shoulder.
“Mhm,” he muttered against you, “want you so bad.”
You reached back and between his legs, dragging a delicate finger up from the bottom of his balls to the base of his cock. Hyunjin trembled and molded deeper into your frame. You chuckled, “I can tell, baby. But can you handle it? You’re so worked up already, I don’t wanna break you when we’re just getting started.”
“I can, I can!” He looked up at you with glistening eyes, full of tears and determination. “Please, please, please.” Hyunjin’s hips bucked up again, hitting the inside of your thigh and you pushing him back down.
“Calm, baby. We’ve got all the time in the world. Deep breaths, now.”
Hyunjin followed your lead when you inhaled through your nose and let out a deep exhale. He continued to do so even though you were pressing your lips to his forehead, even though you were trailing them across his cheeks and skipping over his lips. He puckered them, ready to be suffocated by your kisses. But when you planted just a peck on his, he audibly whimpered, to which you laughed and continued down his neck.
Oh, he was extra sensitive there. And when you sat back on his knees to tweak both his nipples? Ascendance.
Hyunjin threw his head back and moaned just as loud as he did when you put him in your mouth. “No, no, don’t wanna cum again,” he murmured, but didn’t try to resist your touch.
Still, you pulled away and placed your hands on his chest. “No? Too much?”
“Wanna make you cum first,” he suddenly grasped the undersides of your thighs and lifted the two of you off the couch. Neither of you had noticed his shins knocking the coffee table as he laid you on your back lengthwise with the couch, lifting your legs up so he could slot himself between them and over his shoulders.
It was a pleasant surprise, his display in strength and stamina, you were proud that he could keep going. The off-guard giggle you let out only spurred him to continue, cupping both your cheeks and stealing the kiss for himself. You couldn’t stop it, didn’t want to as he fit against you so perfectly. Cut through the tension like a knife did the passionate kiss prove to both of you that it was more than just physical attraction. Still, sometimes words do speak louder than actions.
You reached between your bodies to guide him towards your entrance, needing nothing but a moan against his lips to confirm to go further. The stretch was more than you anticipated, burning so euphorically good with a side of neediness for him to move faster. As if you could take all of him in one go, foolish. It’d been a long while since you’d been with someone worthy of sticking their dick in you, this was much different than a plastic toy.
Though, he was worth the wait, even if it did make you pathetically whimper into his mouth. It was just the ego boost he needed, no longer feeling ashamed of his previous poor performance. You still wanted more, you were clawing at his biceps and he was swallowing every one of your moans until his thighs met your ass cheeks.
He wanted to blow for a third time just being inside you, feeling the pulsing of your walls and slick dripping down his balls. Hyunjin used every muscle in him not to begin fucking into you like an animal, brain somehow stronger than the primal need inside him. But while he watched for any sign that you were uncomfortable, trying to be overly vigilant that he wasn’t truly paying attention to see you locking your ankles behind his neck and beginning to fuck yourself back and forth on his cock. His hands were planted near your head, realizing what it is you were doing when you bit your lip and held onto his wrists.
Hyunjin laughed into the air, the kind of laugh as though he had just won the lottery because holy fuck, he did. He watched as you bounced up and down, swiveled side to side, using him like one of your dildos suction cupped to the wall. Except he was the dildo, being used and abused until you felt satisfied.
“So tight– so hot ‘nd wet. God, you’re so cute, oh my god. Don’t ever stop fucking me, please, please. So good, too good.”
The drip of his sweat from his forehead onto yours broke your cock-induced fever, “why am I doing all the work, baby? You started this, so finish it.” You stopped dead in your tracks and slumped back into the couch.
Hyunjin was more than happy to fuck you silly, if he hadn’t already cum twice and was running on fumes. Alas, he did his best and it was perfectly enough. You had run him ragged for your first time having sex, you couldn’t blame him for being sloppy.
His best was still better than average, even if his pants were still stuck around his ankles. As he stood up straight and took the hook of your knees into his hands, Hyunjin let his head fall back to summon whatever energy he had left stored in the tank. Surprisingly, it was a lot. He was dripping in sweat, down his temples, neck, and chest and red blush had flushed his supple skin, but he was still the prettiest thing you’d ever seen.
He could say the same thing about you. Although your state was less messy than his, you still looked absolutely fucked out and desperate. Teeth sunk into your bottom lip so hard he was scared you would draw blood, pinching your nipples and occasionally reaching up to claw at his chest. You and him were both worked up and on the verge of crying like a bunch of babies overstimulated by everything around them.
Your fingers found their way to your clit once he started to move, fast and unrestrained while trying not to blow before you again. Just perfectly did he fit inside you to the point where you were really questioning how the hell you had sex with other people when he was right there all along. This was nothing like your past experiences, fuck whatever it was Hyunjin thought they were like, this was something else entirely. Like waking up on Sunday morning thinking it’s Monday and being able to blissfully fall back asleep. The day when you have no responsibilities or weight on your shoulders and all you feel is relaxed. When you have nothing to do but wake up at noon to feed yourself then crawl back to bed to loaf. A lover coming home after months apart and being able to inhale their scent like it’s the first time all over again. The first cold day of autumn and the first warm day of spring. He’s Sunday.
Hips against hips, skin slapping skin, sweat mixing and creating the particular cloud of odor where anyone who walked in would know what the two of you did. Hyunjin would stick his tongue out in concentration to make sure he was repeatedly hitting that spot that makes your eyes roll back and toes curl. He was so good at it that after a while, he didn’t need to hold you up anymore.
Eventually he let your legs rest around his waist so he could hunch over you again, kissing your lips so sweetly in stark contrast to how hard his cock was prodding into your soft spot. He wasn’t moving roughly, but rather strong strokes that made you really feel his entire length slipping in and out of your aching cunt. Slick sounds of your bodies connecting layered the already adulterous moans leaving the both of you, your neighbors will for sure have a complaint about it tomorrow.
Hyunjin fell onto his elbows, millimeters from your face as his thrusts slowed. The way he looked at you, as though he’d set his eyes on the most sought after piece of art. In a way, he was. Of all the people that have seen you completely bare and beg for your attention, all the people you’ve met, spoken to, kissed, fucked, he couldn’t bring himself to care about any of that because you were under him now.
The almost stagnant nature of his movements wasn’t frustrating or annoying. You enjoyed it, more than any kind of rough or needy sex you’ve had with past partners. He wasn’t touching you like you usually would’ve needed, but still felt the bubble in your stomach wanting to burst. If he kept looking at you like, if he kept kissing you so delicately and fucking you just like this, it will.
His palm brushed the hair from your face, keeping it on the top of your head as if to surround you in purely him.
“My sweetheart.”
Why was that what had to make the bubble pop? As soon as the words left his mouth and you saw the smitten smile on his face, your legs locked around his waist and nails raked down his back as white heat suffocated your body. You felt his face hide in your neck and latch onto the skin above your pulse, sucking a bruising mark as you came down and it was your turn to be covered in goosebumps. Hyunjin hadn’t realized he’d cum again until you were hugging him tighter to your chest, falling limp on top of you and all the adrenaline finally wearing off.
Nuzzled tight into him until both your breaths were regular and in sync, shutting your eyes while his tongue kitten licked over the sore spots he’d been teething at, neither of you wanted to leave from behind the thin veils of bliss. Though, returning to reality with him didn’t seem so bad.
“Baby, clean up time,” you cooed in his ear, to which you got no response but a soft snore. The giggle that left your lips was hushed to let him rest a little longer. But after a few minutes, the stickiness of the sweat was becoming uncomfortable, scratching his scalp a bit harder to gently wake him. Hyunjin hummed into you as he acknowledged the signal. “C’mon Hyune, shower.”
Wordlessly, he clambered off of you and let you lead him to the bathroom again, stopping in the hallways for towels together so that you wouldn’t have to leave him alone. Similar routine to last time except when it was time for you to clean, he opted to stand out of the shower stream until you were finished because he wanted to stay as close to you as possible.
And when the both of you were clean, dry, and ready for bed, Hyunjin spoke again as you walked hand in hand into your bedroom. “You called me Hyune.”
“Hm? That’s your name, isn’t it?” You smirked and pulled him deeper into the room. For a second, he took a look around and immediately felt like he’d been here before, comfortably familiar.
As you guided him towards the bed and lifted the cover for him to slide under, he suddenly woke up from your unintentional trance. “No, Hyune’s a nickname.”
“Is it okay if I call you Hyune?” A soft question as you get into bed beside him, the pair of you shamelessly naked and tangled in one another’s limbs.
“Yeah, or baby.” You nodded against the pillow, sweeping a hand through his hair again when he rolled on his side to face you.
The two of you stared at one another for what could’ve been minutes or hours, neither of you knew. But you were on the verge of falling asleep as he placed a supple kiss on your forehead. It sparked the small memory of the long forgotten phone that had recorded the entire event. It jolted him awake as well when you suddenly got up from bed to run through the apartment to retrieve it.
Hyunjin was sat up on his elbows when you returned and gratefully took in the sight of you naked once again, feeling light as a feather.
You had ended the recording and pulled up the video to realize it was four hours long. Hyunjin gawked and laughed when he saw the time stamp. He rolled onto his back and opened his arms for you to lay in as you watched the video together.
Everything was just as he’d seen it happening from the beginning until you took off your undergarments. If the both of you weren’t deadbeat tired, it probably would’ve turned you on and sparked a second round. Instead you both could watch it with admiration and fondness.
“Oh, that was so sexy when you did that,” he said in reference to you running a finger across his balls as you straddled him.
“I like when you hold me like this,” you commented about how far and tightly his arms wrapped around your torso.
You both criticized and critiqued the video, only able to find positives to praise one another about until it was time for him to flip the positions. The clip showed Hyunjin lifting you up then standing, and suddenly the table shook and the camera tipped over. The frame showed the opposite end of the couch that you were on, the only thing on screen being the tail end of your lower halves, mostly his ass in the air and your feet dangling in the air. You both burst into a deep gutted laugh and were unable to catch your breaths at how funny the scene looked from that angle.
“Everything was so good!” You joked, pausing the video and zooming in to see his butt in the air.
“I don’t even remember hitting the table,” he admitted while taking the phone and looking closer. “At least my butt looks good.”
“You do have a cute butt.”
“Look at your little feet!” He zoomed into your feet just barely in the upper right corner of the frame.
“Not for free!” Snatching the phone back, you lock it and toss it onto the bedside table.
“I was literally balls deep in you and you’re worried about me seeing your feet?”
“That’s different!”
He rolled his eyes and untucked his arm from beneath your head to lay his own on your chest. “Whatever. I’m not a big foot guy anyways.”
“That thing poking my thigh says otherwise.”
“I can’t even feel my dick right now, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
genre: angst, smut, social media au (with written parts), college au, enemies to lovers
wc: 7.0k
summary: An aspiring journalist, you are the news editor for The Uni Chronicles; the campus newspaper, popular for delivering breaking news at the drop of a hat and providing detailed articles about the various happenings around your university. You think you’ve covered every story there was to cover before you’re tasked with producing an in-depth editorial on a student whose name is on everyone’s lips—Hwang Hyunjin.
masterlist
“And then he blocked me.”
The table erupts in scoffs and theatrical eye rolls—mostly coming from Jisung’s side—at the conclusion of your story. You silently lower your head to take a sip from your milkshake as your friends mull over the recent events in your love life that you’ve just shared. Creamy notes of strawberry and banana coat your tongue, normally delivering instant doses of serotonin to your system, but today taste dull and chalky. Much like your mood has been since your last interaction with Hyunjin.
Could you even call it that? It was hardly an interaction at all. He refused to hear you out and then went as far as to prevent you from saying another word to him. After all these months of avoiding the topic and never truly expressing your thoughts—now you couldn’t tell him how you feel even if you wanted to. You start to think that you’ve been cursed somehow. Doomed to never acquire the love you so desired, not even after you’ve found it at last.
The worst part was the fact that you never had a chance to say everything you’ve been holding in. Rejection would be better than this. That’s why you can’t seem to let it go. Not until you’ve gotten everything off your chest. You couldn’t walk away without at least letting him know how you feel. Then, if he still decides that he doesn’t want you, you can leave free of any regrets.
Jisung heaves a heavy sigh, crossing his arms and slouching against the diner booth—every aspect of his body language conveying his disdain for your situation. Communicating to you a frustrated “I told you so,” without having to say it. You pay him no mind, too lost in your thoughts to realize that you’ve been sucking at nothing for the past few minutes, a strawberry chunk lodged in your straw.
It wasn’t until Felix rubs your arm, opting for a more sympathetic response to your predicament, that you snap out of your daze. You lift your gaze, studying your friends’ expressions from around the table.
Jisung has on his characteristically exaggerated pout—cheeks puffed with irritation. Jeongin sits next to him, across from you with a concerned frown. To your right sat Nari, resting her cheek on her hand, sporting a visible frown as well while she lovingly strokes your hair, seemingly deep in thought. She almost looks confused after hearing your story.
Felix appears to be the most struck by your words—eyes glistening with worry as he strokes your arm, trying his best to comfort you and expressing his concern in the only way he knows how.
“I’m so sorry all of that happened to you, Y/N. I wish you told us sooner. You know I would’ve baked you a whole batch of your favorite brownies right away.” Felix earnestly tells you.
“Thank you, Lix. Your brownies always make me feel better.” You grin.
“They’re coming right up! I’ll bring them over tomorrow morning!” His smile is the sun itself, bringing a touch of warmth to your face just seeing it.
“Well, if it’s any consolation, it sounds like the worst is over.” Jeongin was always the type to give practical advice as a means to offer comfort. “The tournament is at the end of the week, which means the editorial will be published right after, and then you won’t have to deal with any more Hyunjin drama!”
You wince at his last words. No more Hyunjin. The end of the editorial marks the end of any professional obligations you have to see him. What will be your excuse now that the project is over? You had none. Other than the fact that you’re in love with him. That seeing him has been the highlight of your weeks together, and without him your days will be spent aimlessly, the spark he brought into your life, gone.
Jisung is still busy grumbling to himself in his corner, but notices the subtle fall in your mood at the mention of Hyunjin. He drops his sulking and leans towards you, catching your eyes and flashing you a soft grin. This is why you’ve been such great friends for so long. Despite his devilish antics and infallible ability to drive you up a wall, he can read you in an instant and know immediately what you need from him. Right now, you needed comfort from your best friend.
“Hyunjin’s a complete asswipe for blocking you.” He can’t help it, the contempt that Jisung has for this guy knows no bounds, even if he’s the one you’ve chosen to fall for. But Jisung sees how upset you are, and knowing that, of course he’ll support you. Even if the guy is an asswipe. “But if things are meant to be, he’ll come around. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. It always does. So don’t stress about it too much.”
“I gotta agree with Ji on this one.” Nari chimes in. “It doesn’t sit right with me that he just cut things off there, but if it’s bothering you this much, just imagine how much it’s bothering him.”
“That’s true. I mean, the man did call an Uber from across town just to see you in the middle of the night.” Jeongin adds. “It must be killing him to not talk to you.”
“Well, not as much as it probably killed him to see you with Taeyong.” Jisung blurts before clasping his mouth with his hands as Nari shoots him a sharp glare.
You release a strained sigh. “God if I had known he’d show up, I never would’ve had Tae over.” You bury your head in your arms and slump over the table.
Felix continues rubbing your shoulder, gently massaging in love with every pat. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, Y/N. It’s not your fault.”
“I just wish he’d hear me out for one minute. One minute! Then he can be free to block me again and never talk to me for the rest of his life. I hate that I didn’t have the chance to say what I wanted to say.” You mumble into the sleeves of your sweater.
“You’ve never been the type to fall short of words. Especially with Hyunjin.” Jeongin points out. “I can see how that’s frustrating.”
Without lifting your head, you nod in agreement.
“Who says you can’t still tell him everything?” Nari questions. “It’s not like he can avoid you forever. We all attend the same university, you’re bound to run into each other at some point.”
“You’re literally gonna be at the soccer game this weekend. Don’t you have to report on the final scores?” Jisung asks. “God, I’m tired of seeing you mope over this guy. Why don’t you just confront him at the tournament?”
You raise your head just enough to reveal your eyes, delivering an annoyed squint to Jisung. “This game is important, I’m not gonna jeopardize the team by bringing up my relationship drama.”
“Then confront him afterwards. I don’t care! Just do something before we all lose our minds!” Jisung huffs.
Nari places a reassuring hand on your back. “Listen, what I think Ji is trying to say is—we all see how much this is affecting you, and we’re concerned. We care about you, so we want you to get the closure you need. The longer you let this sit, the more it’s gonna eat away at you. Take advantage of this event that you know Hyunjin will be at and get it all off your chest. You might regret it if you don’t.”
You finally sit up in your seat and face your friends again. “I’m sorry for worrying you guys with all my problems. I’ll do my best to take care of it.” You mumble, guilty for making them listen to your sulking. “Thanks for always supporting me.”
Felix drowns you in a hug. “We’ll support you no matter what, Y/N. You should know that by now.”
“Yeah—see? That’s what I was trying to say!” Jisung shoots you a cheeky grin.
“You survived your year-long, unrequited love tragedy with Seungmin. I’m sure you can handle this.” Jeongin quips.
“My girl can handle anything.” Nari confidently declares. “And anything she can’t handle—she’s got me for!”
Hearing your friends’ encouragement brings a smile to your face. Their loving words and cheering remarks fill you with warmth that you’d been missing lately, refreshing your spirit once again. They were right. You should still try to talk to Hyunjin when you get the chance. Holding it in won’t do you any good. Even if you are annoyed that he blocked you.
The chatter around your meal turns more upbeat as the topic of conversation switches to Felix’s recent photography project on “animals in action,” involving an alarming encounter with a feral squirrel. You join in on the lively discussion and finish your plate, full with the comfort that only spending time with your friends can bring you.
The crew departs from the diner after the meal is over, each attending to their next schedule of the day. Felix and Jeongin leave to go to their classes while you and Jisung wait for Nari to get picked up for a date. Changbin shortly pulls up to the driveway of the diner and exits his car to greet you all.
“Hey Jisung! Hey Y/N!” He all but yells from the steering wheel before hopping out to embrace his beloved Nari. “How was lunch?”
He pulls Jisung in for a rough hug, which Jisung returns with an enthusiastic pat on the back. The two boys smile at each other widely and loudly go on about who knows what. Changbin and Jisung got along extremely well and quickly, which wasn’t surprising, given that they’re the two most boisterous and energetic boys on campus. You often tease Nari that Jisung will steal her man one day.
Changbin turns to you and gives you an equally rough hug, the air abruptly leaving your body as he squeezes you tight. “How have you been Y/N?”
“Not bad.” You meagerly respond.
Changbin picks up on the lack of energy in your answer. He has an idea of what might be bothering you.
“Hyunjin’s just, really focused on the tournament right now, you know?”
The mention of Hyunjin’s name shocks you a bit. You hadn’t mentioned anything about him to his friend, but Changbin seems to know what’s been plaguing your mind anyway.
“Right. I know.” You mumble.
“I told him he’s being a big doofus, but he’s set on prepping for the game.” Changbin rests a hand on your shoulder. “It’s all temporary though, I’m confident that things will go back to normal soon.”
You nod and give him a faint smile, appreciative of him for trying to comfort you, but also eager to end this conversation. He and Nari bid their goodbyes and drive away, leaving you and Jisung as the last diner patrons remaining.
Leisurely, you walk towards the dorms. Jisung kicks a few pebbles on the path while you silently tread beside him, trying your best to avoid stepping on cracks in the ground. This might be a new record for the longest time Jisung has been quiet, you think to yourself. But soon enough, you are halted to a stop when he blocks your path, arms crossed as he faces you.
“Y/N. We have got to get you out of this mood!” He huffs. “When’s the last time you were silent on a walk with me? Never! I swear, I’d even prefer you rambling about how much you love Hyunjin at this point.”
“Shut up Ji, I’m not in a mood.” You grumble. “What’s so wrong about having a nice, peaceful walk home?”
“What’s wrong is that I can tell your mind is going a hundred miles a minute, but you’re not saying anything.” He frowns. “I’m just worried about you.”
Your expression softens at his sincere concern. “I know Ji, I’m sorry. How about we have an anime marathon tonight? I know you’ve been wanting to watch that new series and it’ll help me get my mind off things.”
“I’m down!” He shouts. “You got popcorn at home?”
“Of course I do.”
“Sweet!” He grins, his temperament vastly different from only a few seconds ago.
Oh how simple it is to make Jisung happy. You wish you could attain happiness that easily, but instead you were born with an innate sense of dread and a predisposition to overthink. At least seeing your cheerful friend hopping home in bliss rubbed a little bit of joy off on you.
Jisung pauses again in the middle of the street, turning to you once more. In an unexpected gesture, he gives you a hug. It’s not one of those fleeting side hugs that you give to people you’re not entirely comfortable with, but a lingering one, a secure hug that freezes time just for a moment.
“Everything’s gonna be okay.” He mumbles in your ear. “Okay?”
His sudden show of affection nearly brings you to tears. How lucky were you to have a friend who truly cares about you. Obnoxious and mischievous as he might be.
“I know, Ji.” You respond. “Thank you.”
He releases you from the hug and continues to skip on home as if nothing happened. You chuckle at his swift ability to change his demeanor.
You catch up to him and link your arm in his, skipping together like the school children you once were.
“I love you, Ji.” You laugh after almost tripping on a rock.
“Yeah, love you too.” He coughs under his breath.
Jisung always hated showing affection, but you knew it was there. He preferred to convey his care by lightly bullying you or cracking jokes at your expense. All out of love, of course.
Knowing you had him and all of your other close friends in your life, caring for you just as much as you for them, gave you a sense of peace and content. So, despite the tragic condition of your love life, things will be okay.
Wake up. Work out. Attend class. Go to practice. Sleep.
This was Hyunjin’s daily routine for the past week. A routine that would whip him into prime shape for the tournament. He hardly had time to think and quite frankly, he wanted it that way. The only thing that should be on his mind is soccer. His team is counting on him after all. The whole university is counting on him.
The pressure he is under is enough to make a man go insane, yet this was preferable to thinking about you. Somehow, even with the weight of the tournament on his shoulders, passing thoughts of you still manage to drive him crazy. His head has been a mess and his heart no better since your last encounter.
Images of you in his arms, what he imagines to be the closest thing to heaven on earth, continue to replay in his mind. Only to be tainted by an unwelcome guest, barging in unannounced, completely destroying his fantasies. Hyunjin has broken his bones before, torn ligaments, and scraped skin—but nothing came close to the pain he felt that night.
It was so unbearable that he left. He fled the scene and hasn’t spoken to you since. He knows this is cowardly—running away from his issues as he always does. But right now, he’s hurt and he fears that seeing you will only reopen a wound that hasn’t yet healed. He’s not ready to face you. Not yet.
Not to mention that this is the most important time of the year for the team. Hyunjin still can’t believe that his focus is being ruined by girl problems of all things. He’s never experienced problems with girls in his life. Not once. Though, he’s also never fallen in love with one before.
Hyunjin is suffering and as a result, so is his game. He’s missing shots during practice, tripping over the ball and even getting outplayed by the freshmen. Chan notices him struggling and pulls him aside after practice.
“What’s going on Jin?” He plainly asks.
“Um.” Hyunjin clears his throat and straightens his posture, trying to think up an excuse. “I think the pressure of the tournament is getting to me a bit.”
“You’ve never been one to be shy of the spotlight though.” Chan points out. “You sure it’s just the tournament that’s got you stressed?”
“Yeah.” Hyunjin quickly answers. “I’ll get over it though. Sorry I was off my game today.”
“Hyunjin.” Chan sternly looks him in the eye. “I’m your captain but also your friend. If there’s anything bothering you, I’m here to listen.”
Hyunjin could tell him the truth. The truth that you have been haunting him for days now. That not a minute goes by when he’s not thinking about you. And every time he does, he’s hit with a pang to his chest once he remembers that you’re not his.
“I know. Thanks Chan, but it’s really nothing.” Hyunjin opts to withhold the truth. What good would telling Chan do anyway? Telling him won’t fix Hyunjin’s game. It won’t change the fact that you probably hate him for blocking you out. It won’t fix things between you. He’ll just have to suck it up and force himself to focus.
With a disappointed sigh, Chan accepts Hyunjin’s response. The players pack up their things and start heading home. Only two more days until the big game, Hyunjin thinks to himself. Block everything out for just two more days. Don’t think about her until the tournament’s finished. But even as he attempts to void all thoughts about you, he can’t stop worrying about one thing. Will you still be there when it’s over?
Nari is seated at the edge of the bed while you style her hair into loose braids, securing the ends with ribbons to match the soccer team’s colors. Once finished, she turns around to give you a glimpse at her entire outfit—black biker shorts hiding under an oversized jersey with Changbin’s number on the back.
You think she looks absolutely adorable in her sporty getup. She’s dressed like the ultimate athlete’s girlfriend. A year ago though, Nari wouldn’t have been caught dead looking like this. She hated cheesy couple shit and was always adamantly against traditional girlfriend behaviors, making it clear that she refused to be seen as some sort of trophy on a guy’s arm.
But ever since she started dating Changbin, she’s softened significantly, even indulging in some cliché couple activities every now and then. You’re happy she has warmed up to it more. It doesn’t change the fact that she’s still the same strong willed Nari, just a little more affable. Her happiness shines when she’s with Changbin. It’s clear that a side of her has been unlocked by him, exposing all the best parts of her when he’s around. They compliment each other so well and you can’t help be feel envious.
You would’ve loved to wear Hyunjin’s number on your back. Number “01.” Of course he somehow chose the cockiest number out there. You wouldn’t mind though. You loved watching him in his element during the game. His skill and focus was always so attractive. You’d feel proud to hear the crowd cheer for him. And you’d be the first to run out onto the field once the game was over and the team celebrates their victory. You’d run straight into his arms and kiss him as he swings you in circles for everyone to see.
God, you need to stop daydreaming. All it does is leave you feeling disappointed. But keeping your mind off of Hyunjin was nearly impossible, since you had an editorial to finish. How could you not get lost in fond thoughts of him while you wrote about his achievements, detailing all the facets of his personality that you cherish so much, even the ones you hated at first, but learned to love. Despite how upset you are at him, writing about him only pulled you deeper in love, reminding you of everything about him. Everything you miss so much.
You met him in the winter. Your first encounter as harsh as the frosty air. But come spring, your relationship began to bloom. You were unaware of just how many buds were planted below the surface until they all blossomed at once, and before you knew it, you had yourself a whole garden. But you weren’t prepared. You’ve never cultivated such robust emotion before. You didn’t know how to keep it alive. And now it seems that summer may never come.
You’ll try your best though, you promised yourself that. Even if you didn’t have a perfect plan, you’ll do your best to salvage this relationship.
But first, you had a job to finish. The tournament is today. Will Hyunjin lead the soccer team to victory, securing your university’s spot in nationals for the first time in history? Or will this be a huge upset to fans all across campus, potentially losing the team its much needed funding? Whatever the result is—you’ll be there to report on it first-hand. Because that’s what a good journalist does. So that’s what you’ll do.
You enter the packed stadium holding onto Nari’s hand as she weaves through the crowd to find your seats. Fortunately for you, Changbin saved you and Nari great seats right next to the field, granting you a highly coveted unobstructed view. Unfortunately for you, it was a journey just to get to them. The entire venue is filled with people, buzzing with fervor as the crowds anticipate the decisive game to come, fierce rivalry toward the opposing side coursing through their veins.
Spectators paint the bleachers with your university’s colors, waving banners and shouting cheers, the energy in the air amplifying as the game approaches. Just as you find your seats, the stadium erupts in a deafening roar. You stand up to catch a glimpse of what had caused the ruckus. Below, you spot the two teams emerging from the locker rooms beneath the bleachers, meeting in the center of the field. The game is about to begin.
A quick coin toss determines that your team will start the kickoff. After a formal handshake between the team captains, all players disperse and take their starting positions. The entire stadium goes silent.
At the blow of a whistle, the game comes to life. Hyunjin takes off running, his blond hair darting across the field. Minho dribbles the ball adjacent to him, both players forging their paths towards the goal. Blocked by the opponents’ defense line, the ball is passed over to Hyunjin. He takes it with ease, skillfully weaving through the remaining players until it’s just him and the goalie left.
The crowd screams for him to “SHOOT! SHOOT!” He positions himself behind the ball, firmly planting his foot and delivering a powerful kick. The ball soars towards the top right pocket of the goal as the goalie jumps to save it. A moment of silence takes over the stadium as all eyes watch the ball shoot past the goalie’s hands and straight into the net.
“GOAALL!” The announcer yells into the mic and cries of joy explode all around you.
The energy is infectious. Hyunjin scored the first goal, filling you with immense pride. You can’t help but join in the cheer.
Your team is off to a great start, taking an early lead in the game. A second kickoff begins and the match continues, your eyes following Hyunjin’s figure the entire time. You start to really get into the game, the atmosphere heightening your excitement as you watch. When the ball is passed to Hyunjin again, your thrill overtakes you.
“HYUNJIN!” You scream, cheering him on.
Hundreds of fans were screaming along with you, there was no chance he’d actually hear your voice.
But he did.
Hyunjin snaps his head in the direction of the sound and momentarily locks eyes with you. It was only a second. One second of his mind scattering to pieces and his entire body paralyzed. One second turned out to be enough to overthrow his focus and allow the opposing team to steal the ball.
“Hyunjin, what was that?” Chan yells as he sprints past him, still stuck in his spot.
Hyunjin huffs a deep breath, tightens the mini ponytail atop his head and resumes his attention to the game. Or at least he tries to. His plays become messy and careless. His concentration was fucked. All because of you. One look at you was enough to destroy the mental focus he spent days preparing for this game.
You, in your oversized jacket. Its baggy sleeves drooping off your shoulders, framing you perfectly. You, with your hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. Your features on display in their effortless beauty and entirety. Your cheeks flushed from yelling too hard. Yelling his name.
It was all because of you.
Soon, the opposing team scored a goal. Then another. The tides had quickly turned and anxiousness for your team’s fate could be felt throughout the crowd. Thankfully, halftime was called and the players broke away to their respective locker rooms to regroup with their teams.
Chan sits everyone down for a team meeting. “Boys. What happened out there? We started off great but now we’re falling behind. We need to get our heads in the game. Do I need to remind you that our spot in nationals is on the line?”
Tired and defeated eyes avoid his glare. Only labored breaths can be heard in the locker room as the players rest their weary limbs on the cold concrete floor.
“Hyunjin. You told me you’d get it together for this tournament. What’s up with you? I know you can play better than that. I’ve seen you play better.”
“I promise, cap.” Hyunjin pants. “I’m gonna get it together. I’ll get the goals back.”
Chan gives him a stern nod and leaves the players to cool down before the game resumes. Chan’s frustrated, Hyunjin can tell, and he doesn’t blame him. He’s frustrated too, furious with himself. Hyunjin is the striker after all, the momentum of the whole team depends on his performance. He’s played better against tougher teams, there’s no excuse. He has to turn this around, pronto.
After their fifteen minutes are up, the teams re-enter the field. Hyunjin takes his position, his pulse racing and eyes fixed steady on the ball. The whistle blows and the players spring into action. Minho manages to steal the ball, dribbling it up the line towards the goal. Hyunjin finds an open spot to receive the pass, waving at him to send it over. Minho kicks a perfect pass, landing it right at Hyunjin’s feet. Hyunjin takes a wide swing at the ball—but he misses.
Disappointed groans can be heard from the crowd, met with elated cheers from the opposing side. Hyunjin’s temper blows up, he drops to his knees and pounds on the floor in frustration, spewing curses in the process. The referee gives him a warning, cautioning him to watch his language, to which he replies with a glare.
Hyunjin is fed up at this point, and needs a breather to calm his nerves. He motions for his coach to send in a substitute and storms off alone to the locker rooms. Murmurs of confusion and shock fill the crowd as they witness the star player of the team exit the field. How are they going to make it to nationals without him?
You felt nervous watching Hyunjin leave in a rage. He was never good at controlling his emotions, but he needed to regain his composure if there was any chance of returning to the game. You know how hard he can be on himself, and it kills you to think that this might cost him the tournament. He’d never be able to live with the guilt if he lets his team down. And you can’t let that happen to him.
“I’m going to him.” You tell Nari.
Before she can attempt to talk some sense into you and stop you from leaving—you’re gone. Snaking through the crowd, you rush under the bleachers and follow him to the locker rooms. Once you enter, you find him facing the wall, head resting against the concrete, fists clenched tight, resting on either side of his head. He’s breathing hard.
The realization that you’ve trespassed into a private area strikes you, causing you to feel suddenly self conscious. You timidly approach him, deciding to announce your presence by softly calling his name.
“Hyunjin.” You whisper.
He quickly turns around. Sweat drips down his face, which is twisted in an agitated glower. But his features relax the instant he realizes you’re standing before him. His harsh grimace melting into subtle shock, and then despair.
“What are you doing here?” He asks, eyes full of anguish.
“I…I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine. Just needed a break.” Hyunjin drops his gaze, focusing on the ground instead. “You shouldn’t be here, you know.”
You follow his action, sheepishly studying the floor. “I’m sorry. I’ll lea—“
“Stay.” He interjects. “Stay for a bit.”
You look back up in surprise to find him slowly approaching you. He pauses once he’s standing at your feet, his chest inches away from your face, looking down at you with a pained expression, with longing. His hesitation doesn’t last long, though. He seems to make up his mind and pulls you in to a hug.
Like muscle memory, your bodies mesh together, arms wrapping around one another, returning to where they belong. You breathe him in. His sweat drips onto your skin but you don’t care. You’d soak in every last bit of him if you could.
“I missed you. A lot.” Hyunjin murmurs in your hair. “I’m sorry I cut you out. I didn’t know what to do.”
You nod your head against his chest. Letting him know that you understand. “I missed you too.”
“I was a stupid. I shouldn’t have done it, because all this time, I needed you. I didn’t know I needed you until we met. But now I can’t stand being away from you.” He continues. “I hate how much I need you.”
Hyunjin loosens his grip around your shoulders, leaning back to meet your eyes.
“You drive me crazy, Y/N. I think about you every day, every second.” Hyunjin whispers. “You have all of me, my whole heart is yours…and you don’t even know it.”
He releases his grasp altogether, leaving you cold and missing his warmth.
“You don’t even know it.” He repeats, backing away from you as he speaks.
“What don’t I know, Hyunjin?” Your lips frown but your eyes plead for him to come back.
“How much you affect me. How much you hurt me.” He turns his back to you. “It fucking hurt me, can’t you see that? It broke me to see you with him.” You hear his voice tremble.
“I didn’t mean to.” You explain. “I’m sorry.”
Gently, you reach a hand out to him, grazing his arm with your fingers. He tenses at your touch, but can’t help gravitating towards it anyway, facing you once again.
“There’s nothing going on between me and him. I only ever wanted you. I still do.” The words spill out of you in a hushed whisper. “Do you believe me?”
Hyunjin let’s out a low sigh. He wants to believe you, so badly. But his heart still clings on to the fragments of hurt he experienced that night. How could he forget it all so easily?
“I don’t know.” He answers you. “I want to, but it’s difficult for me. You broke my heart that night, Y/N. And I didn’t know it was even possible. I didn’t realize how much I actually care about you until it shattered in my face. But I still care. I don’t think I can ever stop. Even if it hurts me like this. Even if y—“
You kiss him.
Hyunjin’s lips stop their motion when they are met with yours. His speech abruptly halted. His head went blank, only capable of processing the touch of your lips, the taste of your mouth. His heart reacts before his mind comprehends the sensation, rapidly pulsing like he just took a hit of ecstasy. Slowly, you part your lips from his, leaving him staring back at you, awestruck.
Hyunjin releases a shaky breath, clasping a hand to his head. “God, I’m fucked.”
“Why?” You question him.
“Because I’d let you break my heart again if it means I get to kiss you like this.”
You gaze at him, a light smile playing on your lips. “Hyunjin, I’m yours.”
“What?”
You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him close, forcing him to meet your eyes.
“Im yours, okay? So don’t worry about anything, I just need you to go out there and win.”
“Y/N, I—“
“Get out there and win, Hyunjin. Your team needs you. I’ll tell you everything after the game, okay? I’ll be here, I promise.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What’s so hard to understand? I mean, it’s pretty simple.” You pull him closer.
“I love you.”
Hyunjin’s eyes widen hearing those words come out of your mouth. He’s frozen yet warm underneath your touch. His mind is in a daze. He thinks his heart might beat right out of his chest.
“Can you do that, Jinnie? Can you go out there and play like I know you can? Can you do that for me?”
Hyunjin gulps, still stunned by your words, but nods in acknowledgment.
“Get out there and win.”
You kiss him again, leaving him lightheaded once more, but invigorated. Hyunjin heads out to the field. He’s ready this time. He’s got his focus back.
The final whistle is blown. The game is set. The scoreboard reads “3-2.” Your team has won. They made it to nationals.
Confetti cannons cover the stadium with shining ribbons. Deafening screams of celebration roar from the crowd. The players jump in elation below. Hugging each other, punching their fists in the air, soaking in their victory.
Everything moves in slow motion. Hyunjin is trapped by his teammates in a group hug, but whips his head in your direction, flashing you the biggest smile. He notices your seat is empty though. Where did you go?
“Hey! You can’t go there!” An angry voice draws his attention to the edge of the field.
He spots your figure. Hopping the fence that separates the grass from the bleachers and stubbornly ignoring the threats from the security guard. You are running straight towards him.
“Hyunjin!” You call out.
He breaks away from his team and heads to you. Sprinting as fast as he can, arms spread wide. He catches you and twirls you in the air. Planting a kiss on your lips as your feet land on the ground.
“You’re here.” He breathes against your mouth.
“You did it, Jinnie! Congratulations!” You beam.
“We did it.” He sighs, the corners of his lips refusing to fall.
“Hyunjin! Stop making out with your girlfriend and get over here for the group picture!” The booming voice had to be none other than Changbin, watching you two with a smug grin.
“I gotta go.” Hyunjin says. “But meet me later? Where should I find you?”
“How about the newsroom? There’s something I want to show you.”
He smiles at you, diving in for another quick peck. “Okay, I’ll see you there.”
Hyunjin knocks softly on the door labeled “Uni Chronicles.” Inside you yell for him to come in, and he follows your voice, entering to find you sitting by the windowsill, a small stack of papers in your hand.
The warm glow of the low afternoon sun blankets the room in golden hues. Your skin radiates in the light. Your face beams even brighter, looking at him. He can’t help but smile.
You motion for Hyunjin to take a seat next to you as he approaches. And you lay the papers down in front of him.
“Hwang Hyunjin: the Heart Beneath the Jersey” it reads.
“Is this—you finished the editorial?” He asks, eyes wide as he reads the letters.
“This is the one and only copy as of now!” You tell him. “We’re gonna publish it after it gets edited and approved.”
He says nothing, continuing to stare at the paper in awe.
“I didn’t have the chance to have you look over it before I finished, since you ghosted me.” You tease, only a pinch of pettiness in your voice.
Hyunjin looks at you with a pout. “I said I was sorry.”
You laugh. “I know, I know. Go on and read it already.”
He nods and begins to read. The article starts off a bit harsh, recounting your unpleasant first meeting and initial impressions of the obnoxious player before you. Hyunjin’s eyes dart to you, brows furrowed in discontent. You smile and urge him to continue.
As he reads further, Hyunjin’s reactions are clearly displayed on his face. His expression becoming softer as the article continues. His gaze growing more intense as his eyes travel down the page. At the end of the editorial, Hyunjin’s stare is stuck on the concluding sentences.
“What started as an arduous task to dissect the jaded mind of the soccer team’s star player turned out to be an unexpected journey into the heart of a captivating individual with more passion than he knows how to manage. Getting to know Hyunjin on a personal level—beyond the assumptions of what character he seems to play in the minds of many on our campus—was an enchanting adventure. I’ll be the first to admit that Hyunjin captured the heart of even a critic like me, and I’m certain he’ll do the same to anyone who is granted the opportunity to know and to love him.”
He re-reads the last couple lines a few times, digesting your words, savoring every syllable.
Finally dropping the paper, he looks at you. “Did you really write this?”
“That’s my name on the article isn’t it?” You point out. ”Well…what do you think?”
“Y/N.” He cradles your face in his palms. “I love it. Thank you.”
Hyunjin tilts his head to capture your lips in his, allowing your mouths to meld together. When he releases you from the kiss, you’re left beaming at each other’s faces, grinning like a pair of Cheshire cats.
“I have to say, it was the most difficult paper to write yet.” You smile. “But it was worth it.”
“It’s amazing.”
You playfully roll your eyes. “Of course you’d think that. I practically gas you up the whole time.”
“It’s not that...” He clarifies. “Do you mean what you wrote?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have written it if I didn’t.”
“You’re amazing.”
You feel shy from all his compliments. His affectionate gaze drills holes into your heart, filling them up with sugar and honey.
“I wish I was as good with words as you are. Then I could tell you more.” He says.
“Tell me more about what?”
“About…how I feel about you.”
Hyunjin pauses for a moment, mentally piecing together his next words. He always struggled with finding the right thing to say, and after searching his mind for a few seconds, he decides to do as he always does—speak from his heart.
“I love you.”
His voice rings in your ear, vibrating off the walls, an angelic melody. These three simple words strike you more than any novel you’ve ever read. They sound more beautiful than the symphonies that play in world-renowned theaters. They get you higher than any drug you can ever dare to take.
“I love you too.” You said this already, but the surge of euphoria it brings you doesn’t seem to wear off.
Hyunjin smiles wide, and doesn’t hesitate to pepper you with kisses, unleashing all of the pent up affection he has for you.
“Mm..can’t…breathe.” You gasp, arms gripping tight on his shoulders, but making no effort to push him away.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” He pauses to let you catch your breath. “I’ve been holding in my urge to kiss you for so long and it’s all pouring out now.”
You chuckle at his impatience. “We have plenty of time to make up for it.” You give him a peck on the cheek, drawing a rosy blush where your lips graze his skin. The way he’s looking at you like a guilty puppy tempts you to kiss him a million more times.
“I’ve never been in love before.” Hyunjin confesses. “I don’t know how to do this.”
Your heart flutters at his admittance. You’re just as nervous as he is about what this all means. It was an endeavor to even get to where you are now with him. How will things go now that all your cards are on the table? He can hurt you. You already hurt him. But nothing could drive you away from his arms again. Nothing now. Not now that you’ve fully given in to him, given him everything, your whole heart, damaged and terrified as it may be.
It’s not always going to be easy. You know that. Loving Hyunjin will come with its trials and challenges. But loving him is all you know how to do. It comes as naturally as breathing, it’s not something you can stop.
“We’ll figure it out together.” You assure him.
Hyunjin nods, resting his head on your shoulder, his hands around your waist. He’s fearful of the future, but he’s less scared when you’re beside him. And he’ll never let you go. He loves you, too much. So much that he can’t function when you’re gone—truly lovesick.
Waves of uncertainty wash over you both, but your soul is at ease. The gentle flow of his breath ghosting over your skin calms you as your heart beats synchronize. If this is what being in love feels like, we’re going to be okay. You think to yourself. Everything’s going to be okay.
a/n: we made it y’all 🤧 where my day one tbibn readers at?? the dummies have f i n a l l y confessed their love 😌 I really poured my heart into this chapter, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do 😊 only a few more installments of tbibn to go 🥹 please continue to share your thoughts with me, thanks for reading guys 🫶
genre: friends to lovers, so much angst, smut, fluff, set in the idolverse, mutual pining, unrequited love, forbidden romance, slowburn (!!!) soulmate au, star-crossed lovers
synopsis: working in a quaint little art store, you’ve had the honor of meeting all kinds of people, but you’ve never met somebody like him. there were many reasons hyunjin returned to his hometown; a getaway from the ephemeral and fast-paced life of the city, so he could fall in love with life again. he thought he was prepared for everything, to study art in the way that he’s always wanted to, but what he didn’t anticipate was meeting you. hwang hyunjin realises that sometimes, the best things in life happen unplanned.
word count: 31K
warnings: cursing, drinking, heavy angst, mutual pining, sexual tension, kissing, mature language, making out, jealousy, references to injuries, unrequited love, fighting, arguments and confrontations, hyunjin is mean, mentions of weed, post-breakup behaviour, passing mention of threats, a guy makes yn feel physically uncomfortable
a/n: most of this chapter contains heavy angst, yn is thinking about hyunjin 90% of the time, and it's a very different pacing from usual, but i enjoyed writing this a lot :) i hope you love it too! please get comfortable with snacks and a blanket to read. you can listen to my star lost playlist here!
important: all works are fiction, and do not in any way represent the real personalities or real people, they exist only as faceclaims, and are fictional characters.
masterlist
The romantic movies you’d watched growing up always skipped over the hard parts.
The break-ups in them were just a short montage set to the soundtrack of a sad song. The main female character would have given up all hope, drowning her feelings in ice-cream and wine, and just when she hit rock bottom... somehow the boy would find a way back to her. The audience would cheer even though it was so predictable, and the credits would roll. All the sadness would be overshadowed by a firework-worthy reunion kiss, and a stupid Happily Ever After.
If only your life right now could pass by like a montage. If only you could hit fast-forward, and skip to the day you feel better.
You were never much into Greek mythology, but you had read Percy Jackson in middle school, and the myth of Sisyphus always stuck to you. He was condemned to roll a rock up a mountain for eternity, but the rock would roll back down to the bottom every single time. It was a cruel punishment because he could never achieve his goal.
Forgetting Hyunjin was a Sisyphean task. It was futile, in every way. On most days, it almost felt impossible. You could always try, and push yourself really hard, but he would always be there at the bottom of the canyon. Homereminded you of him, of all the good times there — bumping into him at Aera’s, plunging into freezing water with him at the creek, kissing him in the meadow of the fireflies, sloppy and wet but enchanting. And so did this city. The lights of the skyscrapers, the culture, the fashion, they all screamed his name. It didn’t help that his pictures were plastered all over every big billboard, every bus stop shelter, each subway station. Perhaps to forget him, you’d have to run away to a remote cabin, somewhere in Europe, where you could paint your life away and never look back. Yet wouldn’t that be useless too? Everything beautiful in your life would be forever linked to him.
“What are you thinking of so deeply, Y/N?” A voice pulled you out of your sad tangent. You’d been sketching in your notebook, mindlessly doodling, drawing circles and squares.
Jeonghan was slumped in the chair opposite yours, his own sketchbook balanced on his knees, but he hadn’t drawn for an hour now. He was too busy listening to a podcast on those big headphones he never let go of. Minnie was supposed to join you today, but she was running late from a date with Jamie, so for now it was just you and him. There was so much noise around you, a constant buzz and chatter of people in the coffee shop, so you raised your voice to be heard, “I’m thinking of…how romance movies are all bullshit”
His eyebrows shot up, and he sat up straighter, clearly not expecting that. You suppose it was a bit random, “I’m sorry?”
Now that you’d brought it up, you had to explain it, and you struggled to find the words, “They’re all such cookie-cutter depictions of romance. The same formula every time. You don’t think so?”
His eyes narrowed, suspiciously, “Well, who broke your heart?”
You shut your sketchbook with a snap, “Nobody. I’m just talking”
“Clearly you think I’m stupider than I actually am” He pulled a hand up, and started counting on his fingers, “You’re not eating, you’re not sleeping, you’re only painting of blue and depressing things, you…didn’t even laugh at a single joke of mine in class today”
“Maybe because they aren’t funny”
“And you now think romantic movies suck. That’s the telltale signs of a breakup”
“I’ve always thought they suck… That doesn’t mean anything”
“Okay” He laughed, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees, “How about the fact that you all but ran out of Pegasus and went white as a ghost when you saw that guy in the elevator?”
You stilled, staring at him. It’s been days since that incident, but he’s never brought it up till now. You had never given him a chance to. You realised you’re an expert in deflecting when it comes to matters of Hyunijn. You pulled at the spiral binding of your notebook, “He was just an old friend”
“You reacted way more than someone would…to an old friend. I’m not going to judge you, you know that? I’m from fucking LA. If I started judging people, I’m afraid I’d never stop”
You sighed, looking down at the coffee table, “He’s just someone I wasn’t expecting to see. It brought up old memories, shit I’d like to forget now. Let’s…talk about something else, please”
He released a breath, looking around, “Fine. I think I’m gonna get another cup of coffee. You want one?”
“No, I’m good. Coffee keeps me up at night”
Jeonghan stood up, lanky frame hovering over you, lips pressed into a thin line, “Don’t blame coffee for that”
With that, he walked off to the counter, and you stared at the empty chair. You’re trying hard not to think of that evening, after you walked out of the storage closet, out of the Pegasus building and straight home. You had felt a new kind of pathetic… and to make it worse, your apartment keys had refused to cooperate. It’s because you were shaking the whole way home. You’d dropped them on the landing multiple times as you made your way upstairs, the shrill sound the only thing snapping you out of your daze. Even your hands had shook as you tried to get into your apartment.
You’d crawled into your mattress, and you’d cried yourself to sleep. Your pillow had muffled the sounds and it wasn’t even satisfyin. Your tears felt empty and forced. The numbness…was real. What were you even crying for? Hyunjin had made it crystal clear since day one that nothing could happen between you, so you shouldn’t have expected him to suddenly change his mind.
“I got you a cupcake” Jeonghan sat back down, a red velvet cupcake in his hand, a Cafe Mocha in the other.
It just hurt that he’d given up on the two of you, before you even had a chance to try. It was…a horrible memory, and your chest hurt at it. “I don’t want it, sorry”
“Suit yourself” He shrugged, peeling back the paper wrapping so he could take a bite out of it. The white frosting smeared on his nose, and he smiled at you. He’s a good friend, but you’ve been nothing but miserable the past few weeks. It’s bad for you because this is not the time for drama. You’re working on real stuff now in art class. You’re past introductions, and over the bunny hill. You have an actual assignment, and that’s the reason you’re here in this cafe, trying to brainstorm ideas for it. This artwork matters more to you than anything else lately, because it feels like a last plea for happiness. If your professor actually likes it, then you won’t feel so useless anymore. Time lately feels like it’s slipping through your fingers, wasting away, precious days blurring together into sadness and nostalgia. You used to count the seconds until you could live this life, but what you’re feeling right now…that’s not living.
How can you be creative right now, when all you hold inside you is bitterness? All this time, you’d held on to some minuscule hope, that one day things between you and Hyunjin would be all right. That maybe one day he would give into what he felt, and you could actually be together. It was almost …like a given. How could he kiss you like that…and not want it for the rest of his life? A part of you had imagined it all — the future you could have had with him, the relationship you could lead with somebody who knew every bit of you.
You’d been surrounded by good people your whole life, but the impact Hyunjin left on you was incomparable. His thoughts, the way his brain worked things out, the kindness with which he approached life — you couldn’t hope to find that in anybody now. It was special to only him, and more than anything, you couldn’t forget that. You couldn’t forget the beautiful things he kept hidden in his mind, in his heart. The first few weeks you’d known him…it became obvious what he would mean to you. In the silliest of ways, he even finished your sentences…How could somebody be so perfectly built for you, but not be meant for you at all?
Maybe the romance books were to blame for making you believe there was someone perfect for you at all. Soulmates were an urban legend, and a red string of fate didn’t exist. But then why did everything pull you together all this while? It couldn’t have been…for nothing.
Were you the one to blame for imagining an actual future with him? You’d never even had the honor of calling him your boyfriend, how could you hope for anything more?
The logical step was…to move on. So that’s why you’re here, painting in the new coffee shop, and hoping it will help. Jeonghan helps, kind of. He’s funny, and he’s got a large personality and an even bigger sense of humour, and you wonder how he fits it all in his lanky frame. He’s a perfect student and on top of that, he’s helpful. He’s always sharing his supplies with you in class, and he’s genuinely so amusing, if not mildly annoying sometimes, but with Minho and Felix you’d gotten used to it. He was humming now to a song you don’t recognise, his music taste is very different from yours, and he suddenly asked, “Why do you think I moved back to Korea?”
Your brows furrowed, and you randomly guessed, “I don’t know…An American girl broke your heart?”
“Bingo” He bit into the cupcake, crumbs falling onto his button-up, and on his ripped jeans, “She kissed my friend at a party. Right in front of me”
You’re surprised to hear that, and even more so that he’s openly telling you. Maybe talking freely about the past is moving on. So you told him, in solidarity, “My best friend dated the boy I like”
His eyebrows shot up, and he leaned forward, pausing the music on his phone to give you his whole attention, “Did she know you liked him?”
“No…not really”
“Then you can’t really blame her I guess”
“I don’t”
“So you blame yourself? For liking him?”
“Nothing I do could have made me stop”
He tilt his head, “Is that so?”
You chewed on your lip, “I liked him for a long time before my friend met him”
“Then why didn’t you ask him out?”
“I didn’t know his name at the…time”
His eyes widened, a smile forming, “Oh…now I’m really, really curious”
“It doesn’t matter. It’s in the past now”
Jeonghan sighed, “You know, this is a record”
You reached for his cupcake, and bit into it, it was too sweet and you hated red velvet but you wanted to feel something, “What do you mean?”
“That’s like the most I’ve got out of you, Y/N. You’re a pretty closed book”
You’ve never been told that before. You're usually always oversharing. You have to try to be better. Maybe divulging the details of your life isn’t such a weakness or vulnerability. It’s hard to explain to anybody about what you’re going through, the only person who’ll understand is Kairi, but you haven’t talked to her since that time in the park, when she brought Hyunjin up and you came crumbling down like a house of cards.
You feel so weak lately, like a balloon about to be popped, stretched to your limits. You can’t accommodate any sadness in you anymore, and any mere mention or thought of Hyunjin breaks you down. You’re trying your best though. Yeonjun is sad you don’t hang out at his place anymore, after all it’s not his fault there’s a billboard of Hyunjin right across. Falling apart felt it’d be more climatic and sudden, but it’s more of a gradual process than anything. Even now, sitting in this pretty shop in Seoul, your chest pains at the memories. The hurt is so immense sometimes you have to clutch your chest waiting for the pain to pass. It’s like a heart attack every time you think of him. You can’t remember how it used to feel when it didn’t hurt.
In the past few weeks, you’d have had a lot of selfish thoughts and wishes. Some of them are cruel in a way that you can never say it out loud. You feel guilty for even thinking them, yet most days when you’re alone in your bed and you crave him, you wish he never became an idol. Hyunjin without the fame and without his music was still the same boy inside. Hyunjin without the frills was the kid in the art store you fell in love with all those years ago.
You wish he could just be yours, to love forever, not the entire citys’. Forever was a long fucking time but you felt capable of it, of cherishing him for the rest of your life because he made it so easy. But you should have taken the hint when he cut you out of his life, without even leaving a phone number behind. If you hadn’t come to Seoul… it was entirely possible he would never have seen you again. He would have left you behind in the town, and never looked back. To him…you were just a girl he messed around with in the summer. So temporary. So forgettable.
You wish you could pick apart your brain, and take out every memory of him, but you feared there’d be nothing in you left then. Loving him took up all the space in you. Missing him did the same. Jeonghan was speaking to you still, wondering why you never shared too much about yourself, and you shrugged, “I don’t know. I just want to focus on now. I hate feeling haunted by the past. It’s paralysing, to be stuck in those memories”
Jeonghan’s eyes narrowed, this is a pretty serious conversation for this cafe, but he asked, “You ever see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind? The movie with Kate Winslet and that one dude…um, Jim Carrey?”
You’ve stopped sketching entirely now, you hadn’t made progress in hours. It goes without saying that ever since you saw Hyunjin in the city, your inspiration has been lost. You’ve been searching for it ever since, in new friendships, in new coffee shops, in conversations like this, “I…haven’t, but Felix, my best friend loved that movie”
He leaned forward, excited to explain to you, “Well, in the movie this couple’s broken up, and they hate each other, like absolutely loathe each other. So there’s this futuristic procedure where they can choose to erase memories of their lover, and the girl…she does it. It’s too painful to remember the boy she loved”
“Oh?”
“Mmh” Jeonghan’s eyes twinkle as he explained and you wonder if he and Felix would be best friends if they met; they talk about movies with the same passion, “So the guy, he starts going through the procedure too. But as the memories of their relationship start being deleted, he realises he doesn’t want them to be erased after all. They loved each other, and their time together was so special to them. That shouldn’t be forgotten. It’s a cool concept, right?”
You’re listening to him, and the noises of the cafe have faded away, “Yeah. It’s cool” You’re playing the movie in your head, wondering what you would do if you were in it. Would you alter the chemistry of your brain so Hyunjin never existed in your life? It’d sure be easier than trying to move on, which was…useless.
Jeonghan suddenly frowned realising you ate some of his cupcake. The proof was in your hands which were covered in white frosting. He leaned over the little table, “I thought you didn’t want the cupcake”
You apologised, “Sorry. The frosting was good”
“Is that so?” He grabbed your hand. He’s touchy sometimes in class, so you weren’t too surprised. But in a single swoop, he licked the frosting right off your hand, tongue swirling around your finger for a brief second, “Eh, could be better. Anyway, do you want to watch that movie with me? You could come over after you finish the artwork”
Before you could even process what just happened, a tote bag slammed onto your table, and you both jumped. Minnie grinned at you, standing by, “So did you guys finish the assignment?”
»»————-
You are supposed to paint your most dominant emotion. It’s an important task, because you’ve to be graded on it. It’s due today. The thought of being evaluated for your creativity terrifies you. You don’t feel good for anything right now, but this is what you signed up for. Your supplies are sprawled across the apartment floor, and you’re forcing each stroke onto the paper, trying to paint a semblance of anything. You want to prove your worth in the art studio. You haven’t been too interactive in class, you’ve been at your lowest, but this meant so much to you for the longest time. So you’re trying really, really hard.
There is music playing from your phone, a mix of calm songs you’d put together months ago. Hours had passed, and you’ve fiddled away at your canvas, trying to fix every little detail. You stayed up nights in a row, finishing the painting and it was honestly a good distraction, for the most part. If Kim Jieong loves it, then perhaps you’ll stop being so sad. You will yourself to just fill in the gaps of your artwork, to correct the error in your ways so that it can be perfect for the presentation today.
But it was almost time for class, and if you didn’t leave now, you’ll be late. You stare at the painting, breathing a sigh, it doesn’t look half bad, “Well…this is as good as it’s gonna get”
As you roll the canvas up so you can carry it to class, the song on your playlist changes and within seconds… Hyunjin’s voice fills your bedroom. It was a song from the new album.
You freeze, recognising it instantly, goosebumps rippling up your arms and legs. It’s a ballad, and his voice is soft and melodious. Once upon a time it was comforting. Dread fills your stomach. You hate this song. You hate his voice. You can’t listen to him ever again. Your phone lay across the bedroom floor. You need to turn it off. In your hurry to scramble for it, your hand slips, and your elbow knocks into a glass of muddy paint-water. Before you could even process it, the liquid tips over. Within seconds, helplessly you watch the wave of liquid destroy your art. It seeps across your entire canvas, ruining everything you’d worked on for weeks.
It becomes a glob of colors and it’s so funny and pathetic you couldn’t even cry or be frustrated. It’s your carelessness to blame. The only thing you can do is turn the fucking music off.
You feel stupid, showing up to class with that. When you arrive, Minnie was presenting her piece already. It’s gorgeous, and her painting is about love. It’s obvious in the way she’s drawn a portrait of what’s supposed to be her girlfriend, Jamie. There’s strokes of red for her hair, and pink and warm tones all over. Jamie is drawn so beautifully, accentuated features, so much personality in a single portrait. Does she know how beautiful she is in her girlfriend’s eyes?
Jeonghan goes next, and he’s painted triumph. It’s more abstract than a lover’s portrait. It’s smart, and it’s confident, and it’s full of gold accents. You feel ashamed thinking of your own work. You slide the rolled-up canvas behind your desk, and hope nobody notices it. Like a zombie, you’re applauding for everyone’s work, and your hands clap every few minutes, but you’re not even looking at anything anymore. Analysis and appreciation is out of the question. Your own failure is far too distracting.
Then, Kim Jieong glanced at you for the first time this morning, expectant eyes, anticipating smile, “Come on up, sweetheart”
The rest of the class had apparently finished, and you’re the only one left. It’s easy to lie through your teeth, “I’m sorry, Mr. Jieong…I forgot”
His eyebrows shoot up, and confusion is evident in his gaze, “Forgot what?”
You can feel your friends eyes on you, “I forgot about the assignment” It’s better that he think you’re careless rather than not talented. Jeonghan’s gaze on you was deathly, because he knows you’ve worked on nothing else the past few days. This was the only thing you’d been sleeping and breathing. This was your turning point. Your hope for happiness.
Your professor nods, “I see…”
“I’m sorry” Your voice was small and pathetic but you don’t even feel any remorse. Sadness is so present in you that there’s no room for guilt. You stare at your table, not wanting to look anybody in the eye, especially as he speaks, “These assignments are for a reason, and I hope everybody knows that. We don’t wake up and come all the way here to waste each others time, do we?”
You curl up in your chair, pulling your jacket tight around yourself, and your eyes sting. You could feel his stare of judgement at you as he addressed the class, when you’re the only one at fault. Everybody else did the work. Minnie’s gaze was burning into you too, but you didn’t look up for the rest of class. It’s childish. You just feel embarrassed. You count down the minutes until it’s over. You’re going to go home and redo everything, and hopefully he will forgive you for your lack of tact.
As soon as it’s time, you grabbed your bag, rushing to leave, but his voice echoed through the class, “Y/N. Please stay back. I need to talk to you”
The dreadful words make you stop in your tracks, but you were already at the door planning your escape. Minnie pinched you in the stomach as she left, “Good luck, babe”
You turned around, clutching your bag to your chest as everybody around you exits, and you know you’re being judged right now. This is a class for professionals. Heartbreak is not an excuse. You take a look at him, “Is everything okay?”
The professor crosses his legs on the stool, seemingly relaxed, and he didn’t look mad, “Just need to discuss something with you. I’ve been thinking about it for a while”
“Okay…” You breathe, running the possibilities in your head. Is he just upset, or is it possible to actually get kicked out of this program because of your fucking carelessness?
Jeonghan stops in front of you, “Should I go ahead, or do you want me to wait for you?”
Your professor was quick to interrupt, “Nate, I appreciate you sticking up for your friend, but I’d like to speak to her alone”
Your heart warmed at the thought that he was going to stay back for you, “It’s okay. I’ll see you tomorrow” You told him, even though you crave his comfort. Soon, the rest of the students trickle out of the classroom, dillydallying and slow to move with no care in the world. You stand by there, waiting patiently as Jieong wraps up his work, packing up his bag and things. As soon as everyone’s gone, you apologise, “I’m so sorry about forgetting the assignment. It was really irresponsible of me, and I can explain”
“Except you didn’t forget” He looked up at you.
“Sorry?”
“The canvas behind your desk. You didn’t really do a great job of hiding it”
“That’s… not my assignment” You protest, “That’s…nothing. It’s a mess”
He got up, “Then you won’t mind if I take a look at it?”
“I promise you, it’s nothing. It’s not worth…” You trailed off, watching as he makes his way there. He unfurls it, and he’s quiet for a few minutes as he stares at your botched painting. The artwork makes no sense. The canvas is completely ruined, and a kid could have done it better. He turns to you, disappointed. “Can you remind me why you’re here, Y/N?”
Your heart breaks even more, “I promise…I’m gonna do better next time”
He steps closer to you, “That’s not what I asked you, Y/N. Why are you in my program? That’s what I want to know”
You’re suddenly finding it hard to breathe, and your mind is blank. There’s no fucking space for your thoughts or for logic or reason, when it’s just been corrupted by memories he left behind, “I’m here… because I’ve always wanted to be”
“Do you think that’s good enough?”
This behavior of his isn’t even out of nowhere. You’ve been a horrible student of lately, you haven’t paid attention, your enthusiasm has been curbed, and your paintings have been tacky and upsetting. You swallowed the lump in your throat, “I’m really trying to be better. I’m…sorry for disappointing--”
“I’m only disappointed because you lied to me”
Your eyes shoot up to his, and his gaze burns you, “What?”
He crossed his arms, stepping close to you until there’s no personal space anymore. There’s no venom in his tone but you know he’s masquerading it because unlike you, he’s a professional who knows how to deal with people like you, “You can’t just choose what you want to do on a whim. That’s not up to you. That’s not what my program is for. This canvas is your assignment. Why are you pretending otherwise? Why didn’t you present it to the class?”
“Because I fucked up”
He didn’t flinch at your usage of the swear word, and he ran a hand over his face, “What emotion were you trying to convey?”
“Peace…”
“And is that how you feel? Peaceful?”
“No…” You sighed, “I feel horrible…” There was a lump in your throat blocking your airways. The pain in your chest was returning. You’re angry at Hyunjin for doing this to you.
“Can you please tell me what’s going on? You didn’t even meet the mentor I took you to see all the way to Pegasus for. Those field trips aren’t optional. I didn’t take you for some city tour. I wanted you to meet Karina. Those opportunities are important. If you miss those… you might as well not be here. This program is for people who value that, we have no room for freeloaders”
Your eyes shoot up to his, panic rising, and your eyes sting with tears, “Professor Jieong—”
“Can you sit down for a minute?” He stepped forward, hand going to your lower back, leading you to your seat. You feel awkward at the touch; the greenhouse studio is empty right now, it’s just you and him here. Would you have to beg him to let you stay in this program? Just like you begged Hyunjin to stay with you? He stands across you when you sit, crossing his arms, a pensive look in his eyes, “I receive…more than ten thousand applications for this program every year. There’s only twenty spaces in this classroom though. I couldn’t possibly look through all the applications myself. You’re aware of that, yes?”
It's hard for you to focus on his words when you only want to cry. In all this fucking sadness, you may just be losing the most important opportunity you ever got, “Yes…”
“I have a team that does it for me. They’re all trusted, close associates. All artists of course, and with all their idiosyncrasies they have a unique way of viewing the world. They hardly ever mess up in finding talent, but earlier this year, one of them did”
“What do you mean?”
“Your file didn’t come in to me. You were sent a rejection, weren’t you?”
The reminder is a punch to your gut, even though it’s in the past and irrelevant now.
“Did you never wonder how you got in…even after being rejected?” He asked, lips curling up, as if knows the secrets of the universe and is indulging you in all of them. He’s going to tell you it was a mistake after all. You weren’t meant for this. You’ve fucked up so bad.
You wipe the single tear on your cheek as you look up at him, “To be honest…I just decided to take the blessing, and not question further”
He smiled, eyes crinkling, “Of course you did. Well, I think you’d be interested to know how you ended up getting in” You’ve never questioned it until now, and you’re anticipating his next words, "On a hot summer morning, I was supposed to catch a train up north to visit my parents. It was my day off…I don’t get too many of those here” He laughed, “But obviously, I missed the train. Instead of taking the next one, I came back to my office. When I did, I saw your file. It was in the rejected pile, but I took a single look at it and I knew there’d been a mistake. I knew that you had to be in this program. Somebody must have overlooked it, and I’m thankful I saw yours”
Your eyes widened, “What do you mean?”
“I chose you, Y/N. Everybody else in this class was picked by my peers, by the committee, but you…I picked you myself, so you of all people shouldn’t be falling behind. You have an innate talent and I respect that a lot. I don’t want to be disappointed by you in the future. I know it’s intimidating to join in the middle of a semester, but you…belong here. Don’t question that. Don’t let it fuck you up”
You were dizzy with his compliment, perhaps this validation is the only thing you needed. You didn’t deserve this kindness, “You have a lot of confidence in someone who fucked up their painting so bad, Mr. Jieong”
“If I didn’t, you wouldn’t be sitting here, Y/N”
“Right…um, thank you” Your lips tugged into a smile, and your chest felt lighter for the first time in a long time. He picked you.
“That’s the problem with your generation, you’re always doubting yourself so much” He chuckled again, “Imagine if I’d taken that train to see my parents. I’d never seen your application. It would have been such a shame to not have you here with me”
You nodded, standing up to leave, grabbing your things, “That’s a crazy coincidence… Why didn’t you take the train though?”
He shrugged, carrying your canvas for you, so he could walk you out, “They’d closed down the entire platform for a few hours, so couldn’t even if I wanted to”
You frowned, switching off all the lights and glanced at him as the room was plunged in darkness, “Huh. I didn’t know they do that…”
“I didn’t either, but apparently some famous guy was returning to Seoul that day. I’m guessing a lot of fans wanted to see him, there was too big of a crowd. So they ended up shutting down the whole platform. Made me miss my damn train”
“A… music artist?”
“Yeah! You might have seen it on the news. He’s one of Pegasus’ artists actually. I think he’s also a painter, like you.
The pain in your chest returned with a bang, “Oh…”
He laughed, “This city and its obsession with celebrities. But I guess if it wasn’t for that… you wouldn’t be here”
“Yeah…”
His hand landed on your shoulder, trying to comfort you but nothing could, “I guess that’s why they say coincidence is just another word for fate, huh?”
»»————-
Unread messages flooded your inbox. Some from Yeonjun, most from Felix… You haven’t ignored them on purpose. You just haven’t had time or the energy to get back to them. They all read the same anyway. Asking about your life in the city, and how it feels to live your dreams. A part of you thought it’s the universe being decidedly cruel to you — reminding you the irony of how you’ve never been this miserable in your life.
And then there was one from Kairi.
hey! i hope you’ve been doing good.
i went to this cute new cafe in gangnam and i thought of you.
i feel like we ended things on the wrong note. could we maybe have a redo of last time? if that’s okay with you
You don’t reply, because you have no idea what you’ll even talk about to her. It’s creepy to pursue friendship with Chan’s ex. You’re supposed to be moving on, not just from him, but from his entire world.
Your phone buzzes again and it’s a text from Minnie on your group chat. It’s just you, her and Jeonghan in it. You don’t talk too much here, just make plans for class and coffee. So you were surprised at what she had sent you. Maybe she feels pitiful after the way you embarrassed yourself in class earlier.
minnie:
so you’re not gonna believe this yn.
yeah?
minnie:
i have a friend of a friend, and he saw a picture of you on my instagram. he thinks you’re really fucking hot.
who?
minnie:
just some guy. anyway, do you want me to set you up with him?
noo. please don’t
minnie:
wait you didn’t let me finish. he works in the city, and i haven’t met him yet but my friend said he’s smart and funny. he seems like the kind of guy you’d like?
you’re trying to set me up with someone you’ve never met yourself?
minnie:
omg its called a blind date girl
no dates. please.
minnie:
all right :( anyway jamie and me are getting drunk tonight. do you wanna come?
You were trying really hard, to make casual conversation more often, to just be a normal fucking human who isn’t heartbroken and defined by your love for someone, so you said yes. You bought a bottle of wine from the store so you could bring it for them, as a gift for inviting you over.
Minnie’s place was…nice. It’s in the higher end of the city, and she definitely comes from money. You were gathered around her dining table, and you’re sitting with your knees up on her chair. Jamie was lying on the couch across you, and she’s very tipsy already. A glass of wine was balanced on her stomach, and they’re telling you the story of how they met — through mutual friends on a night out in the city, apparently it was love at first sight, and Jamie had asked Minnie out only days after they first met. You didn’t opt for alcohol tonight, instead, you were digging into a large tub of chocolate ice-cream.
Minnie was sitting cross-legged on the table, in her pajamas, “And then, guess what restaurant she picked for our first date? This…candle-lit fucking expensive place! I was so impressed, and kind of embarrassed I wouldn’t match the vibe—”
“But you looked fucking hot” Jamie interrupted, “We flirted the entire night, and then…we fucked on the very first date. At her place”
“Whoa…” You smiled at their story, tasting another spoonful of ice cream, “And…when did you start dating? Was it soon after that?”
“It’s embarrassing. She asked me to be her girlfriend…the same night” Minnie giggled, covering her face in her hands. She was definitely very tipsy, and you’d only seen her this cheerful around Jamie. In class, she was much more composed and serious, and it’s nice to see the side of her around her lover. She’s so much more open, and happier here.
“Oh” You realised, “And you’ve been together…three years now?”
Minnie grinned, shrugging, “I’d already fallen in love on the first date, no matter how stupid that sounds”
You smiled at that, and then buried yourself into the ice-cream cup again, licking flecks off the steel spoon. Minnie nudged you, snapping you out of it, “Are you ever gonna tell us what happened with your ex or are we supposed to guess?”
“Minnie…” You rest your head against the wall, “It’s really not as interesting as your story”
“Y/N….” She whined loudly, and she had made her way through the second bottle of wine, the one you’d brought, “You don’t trust us? I promise we’re not gonna judge. Please, please, please”
“It’s not about that” You sighed, but her excitement to know your past was endearing, “I just find it depressing to talk about”
“Well. That’s what we’re here for. How can you move on if you avoid it forever?” Jamie sat up, blanket wrapped around her, and Minnie even shifted closer to you. This felt nice…to have friends here, in a city you couldn’t call home yet.
She was right. The past shouldn’t be your vulnerability. You sighed, staring inside your empty cup, “Well, then I’m gonna need a hell of a lot more ice cream”
“Um, so this is about the guy you mentioned right? The one you had lost touch with?”
You knew you’d be asked this story one day. You had to tell this without naming names. You couldn’t compromise Hyunjin like that. To them, it would just be a guy from your town, not an idol, not someone famous. You curled up your legs, ripping open the plastic of the brand new strawberry ice-cream tub, “I don’t know where to start honestly. It’s kind of a long story, but…um, I had this crazy crush on a boy in my town. He was really cute. He was kind, and funny, and…really really fucking hot”
Minnie and Jamie laughed at that, eager ears as you continued, “I didn’t think anything would happen between us, because I thought he was into my best friend. Turns out he wasn’t. Me and him ended up kissing one night, it was romantic as hell. I kind of felt like…the main character in those coming-of-age 90s films. Because he was…so old-fashioned in a way? But also, really modern. He’s so romantic” You paused to breathe and all those memories are flooding back, “I was in this…pretty satin dress, and he was in a suit, with like a cropped jacket, and really cool pants. They fit him so well”
Minnie lived in a high-rise building, and from here, the city lights blinked in the distance, golden specks lighting up the horizon. The memory flooded through you, clear as day. Two people under the night sky, surrounded by mountains on all sides. He had shown you the stars and the sky. You remember telling him that stars would remind you of him now. He had held you in his arms, and imprinted his words into your soul, “And when I look at the city lights…I’ll think of you”
Was he thinking of you now?
The city lights were brighter than ever.
“Holy shit. Where did he take you on a date to? The Met Gala?” Jamie laughed, “I didn’t know guys our age even wear suits other than to funerals”
“No, it wasn’t a date date. It was just a fancy event in the town” Maybe you had terrible storytelling skills, because nothing made sense and it was all jumbled up, but they were listening intently so you continued anyway. No words could convey your first kiss with him. No sentences could capture your emotions, the lust, the love.
“But after that kiss, he regret it immediately. He wasn’t really looking for a relationship. Despite that we kept kissing, over and over…and we didn’t stop. It became a thing, I don’t really know what we were doing” You smiled softly, staring at the skyscraper lights from their window, a kaleidoscope of inappropriate memories projected on the glass. You lost your words, blaming your imagination for the way a film reel of those moments was cast onto the windows. Maybe you really were going crazy, staring at the glass, and seeing him touching you in the reflection. Heat rushed to your face, like your dirtiest thoughts were out on display, but Jamie and Minnie were quiet, and this was all in your head anyway. You took a larger serving of the ice-cream this time, the creamy texture melting on your tongue, “I guess that’s when I realised I was absolutely, insanely in love with him, but… then he had to leave”
“Leave for what? The military?” Minnie’s eyes were wide. Jamie shushed her, “Wait, let her talk babe. You can ask your questions later”
“No, not the military, just for his work, and then…” Then came the hard part of this story, “And then he blocked me. For a few months. I don’t know why”
They frowned, but they didn’t interrupt you, “I saw him in a shop downtown, and he completely walked past me at first…he ignored me. But when we met later, he kissed me. Then he told me he could never see me again” It sounded crazy told all together like this. It didn’t sound like your life. It sounded like a story from some tacky relationship podcast Jeonghan would listen to, but it was the truth. Their eyes were wide as you finished, and you stared at them, feeling naked and vulnerable, “That’s the gist of it”
“He sounds like an asshole” Jamie mumbled, pouring herself another drink. Your gaze shot up to hers. “Is thatwhat I’d made him seem like? That wasn’t my intention. He’s not an asshole, he’s…really nice”
Minnie frowned, “Yeah. No nice guy would do that to someone he cares about”
They didn’t know he was an idol, and they couldn’t know, so it was frustrating that they’d never understand all of it. How could they have guessed that it was forbidden for Hyunjin to love you?
“Honestly that sounds really fucked up. If he actually gave a shit about you, he wouldn’t have ghosted you in the first place, and then he had the nerve to kiss you? God, men are such dicks. As soon he had enough of the sex, he dropped you?”
They didn’t know all the nice things he’d said to you, or the nice things he’d done for you. You shook your head, “No, guys… it wasn’t just about the physical—”
“Did he ever tell you he loved you?”
You swallowed, “No…”
“And he told you he doesn’t do relationships” Jamie scoffed, “That’s what my friend’s ex was like. He said the same thing, and next year he got fucking married to another girl. This boy you’re telling us about…he’s obviously not going to be single forever, especially if he’s as nice as you say he is. If he actually saw any future with you, Y/N, he would have told you”
Minnie sighed, and it seemed like this very specific conversation about you had escalated into a hatred of most men, “It sounds like a fucked up situationship, and babe… if you give him so much importance it’ll only hurt you. He used you, because you’re so fucking nice. Not that that’s your fault, but…he’s just like every guy I know. They like the thrill of the chase, and when they actually get the girl, they’re bored of her”
A fucked up situationship? Maybe that’s what it actually was. Hyunjin had clearly stated that what you and him had only existed in Daejon. Here you were, calling it destiny, stupidly. Your vision became blurry as tears shot up to your eyes, and it was pathetic because you weren’t even drunk, you were just sad and loaded on strawberry ice-cream, “He’s not like that”
“Why are you defending him?”
You knew they were wrong. Obviously they were wrong, but is that what this seemed like to the outside world? That Hyunjin used you? Because you were easy…and nice?
Minnie reached out to touch your shoulder, comfortingly squeezing it, “You can do so much better than him, Y/N. From everything you said… he just sounds manipulative as hell”
You put the empty ice cream cup away, “Yeah” You mumbled, “So…what am I supposed to do now?”
“Get yourself out there! Go on dates. Kiss every guy in Seoul if you want to, if that makes you happy. You’re… fucking amazing. Are you seriously going to wait around for a guy who isn’t even trying for you?”
You’ve never been a casual person, but maybe that is what you need now. You’re done with world-shattering true loves. Even Hyunjin had casually been with girls before you, and the thought stung you that he might even be with girls after you. He only had an issue with relationships…and that’s why he’d pushed you away, because he couldn’t give you one. There’d be thousands of other girls who’d be willing to be with him - no label, no expectations, just sex. Yeah, you did need to get yourself out there. How bad could it be?
»»————-
The text said, Meet at eight.
It’s half past, and your date is not here.
You’d dressed yourself in a tight black dress, very revealing and you could hardly breathe. It was from a fancy store in your neighbourhood, and it was far too expensive, but it’d be worth it for tonight. You did your hair in a style Hana had taught you, and you haven’t dolled up like this in a long, long while. The last time you dressed yourself this much…was for the Paint and Wine event in the Château. Tonight is a first for you and you want to make a real good impression.
Although, it’s been more than thirty minutes and your date hasn’t shown up. You were sitting at the bar, getting anxious and impatient. Looking around, the place was full, everybody seemed to be on a date, and nobody’s looking at you. Nobody was looking for you. You’re only a little mortified, and the best case scenario is…that he got the timing wrong, or that he got busy and decided this wasn’t worth his time. Minnie told you he’s working, so he obviously has a more hectic schedule than yours. The worst case? That he saw you and left.
“Can I get you anything?” The bartender asked, leaning over the wooden bar, “You’ve been here a while…”
“I’m waiting for somebody to show up. A date…” You explained, and understanding settled into his features. He headed back to the rest of his customers, and you wonder if he’s going to gossip about the poor stood-up girl at the bar. They must see this a lot everyday. This bar seems fancy, your blind date suggested you meet here so he seems like a man with good standards. There’s a dance floor and blaring Latin music, which brings in most of the crowd. You texted Minnie, um am i at the right bar?
shit he’s not there yet?
You decided to order a drink so tonight isn’t useless after all, and you browsed through the flimsy, paper menu. It’s got stains of ketchup on it, and it’s gross but it reminds you that you hadn’t ate in hours. You wanted to be able to fit into this dress and to leave enough room for dinner with him. Your eyes caught sight of the familiar names of drinks that Hyunjin had wanted to make you but didn’t have the ingredients for. You ended up choosing a Tequila Sunrise instead. You don’t really want to taste an Italian Dolce Vita and discover what you missed out on that last night in Daejon with him.
An hour has passed now. You were most definitely stood-up, but you’re stubborn so you would stay until the end of tonight, and if he ever did show up you’d forgive your date in a second. Your drink was empty, you’d chugged it to calm your nerves. Your napkin was soggy, and the other couples who sat at the bar have already made their way to second base: the dance floor where they’re grinding up against each other. You have resorted to playing with the condensation drops on your glass, observing the way the water falls onto the countertop.
A blind date was how this had all started, back in the bowling alley, so why were you getting yourself into it again? Maybe you should have more dignity, and walk away right now, but you were so desperate. If you leave tonight, you’d never work up the courage again to go on a date, and you need this more than anything. You feel so stupid, and maybe Hana’s actions that past summer actually make sense anyway. You would do anything to forget Hyunjin. You’d date …almost anybody to get over him. Even if it’s a guy who kept you waiting for an hour by yourself.
“Hey. Um. Are you Y/N?” An unfamiliar voice asked. You turned around to see a boy in a maroon button-up. He’s finally here, and your heart calms a little because he’s actually cute. All Minnie had said about him was that he was smart and funny, so it’s a relief that he’s easy on the eyes too. He looked older than you, and he’s got kind eyes and curly hair. Although it’s a bit off-putting that he’s wearing a baseball cap indoors. It felt like you’re both dressed for different occasions, but you are not going to complain. No matter what happens tonight, you can’tcomplain. This isn’t the time to be picky. It’s the time to take whatever life throws at you, because clearly that’s the only way you’re going to find somebody genuinely interested in you.
“Hey, Kang-min, right?” You forced a smile at him, and suddenly you’re so nervous. This is the first real date you’ve ever been on in ages.
The boy took the empty barstool next to you, and eyed your glass, “Sorry I was late, I had a friend emergency. I hope you’re not drunk already. That’d be mean”
You smiled, watching the way he sat so comfortably like this was routine for him, “It was just one drink. Don’t worry, I just came here too” Just a little white lie so he wouldn’t feel too guilty.
His eyes flickered over your dress, falling to your cleavage, “Did you buy that just for me?”
It was so forward that it caught you off guard. Your eyes widened, and you don’t want to give away how much tonight could possibly mean to you. So you said, “Um. Depends. Do you like it?”
He laughed, gaze on your bare legs and thighs, shamelessly checking you out, “Guess you’ll find out”
You don’t really know what to say so you smile at him, hoping he also likes the shade of red lipstick you’re wearing. He looks around the place, catching a feel for it, and then back at you. He looked at the bartender, snapping his fingers to catch his attention and ordered a drink for himself. A large beer. Tasteful. He looked at you and asked, “So…what’s your damage, pretty?”
“Sorry?”
His drink arrived pretty fast, and he lift the large glass to his lips. In a single go, he finished all of it, and you’re surprised at how fast he drank this. He had foam on his upper lip as he said, “You agreed to go on a blind date. Your last relationship must have been seriously fucked up”
You hoped you masqueraded your frown, “I just wanted to try something new”
“Right…makes sense” He tsked, “So my friend told me you’re an artist”
You smiled, relieved the conversation steered in a direction you were familiar with, “Yup. I study at a studio in the city. It’s an art program under this artist--”
He interrupted you, “I hear artists infamously make almost no money, but I mean you’re living in Seoul. You must be pretty well off” He pointed at you, almost accusatory, a grin on his face, “Let me guess, rich parents. Trust fund. Private school education”
You shook your head, a little offended and surprised that he made such an assumption in five minutes of knowing you, “No. I…I worked a couple of years and saved up for this”
He called the bartender again, to order a second beer and seemed surprised, “That takes some serious hustle. Why art then? You could’ve picked anything in the world”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…not to offend anyone, but there’s no money in art. What’s the point of it then?”
“Um…” You laughed, nervously. You realised that you’ve never been asked this question before. Most people in your life knew you since birth, and never questioned your passion for it, “It’s just what I like to do. It makes me really happy to paint beautiful things—”
“So you don’t paint about real shit?”
“Sorry?”
“I think my personal pet peeve is when people pretend the world is so great and lovely, even though everything’s so fucked up. Seems like you look at the world with rose-tinted glasses, if you only like to paint all the nice, pretty things, and not something that actually matters”
“I think art can be about everything, and that’s the beauty of it. It doesn’t always have to make a social statement, but it can always be interpreted as such. Some art is just about capturing the beauty of our world, and that’s okay too” You forced a smile, wanting to get the heat off you, “Um so you never told me… What do you do?”
He looked at you over the rim of his glass, “I’m a pharmacy tech. In short; I make important phone calls, and deal with horribly annoying people”
So that’s why Minnie said he was smart, “Oh…that must have taken a lot of studying”
“Yeah. Not everyone can do it, but somebody has to” He laughed, “I stepped up. I make good money though. So, um, aren’t you going to get another drink, Y/N or are you a lightweight?”
“I’m good” You smiled, although you were hungry as fuck because you’d been waiting for him so long, “Maybe we could order the food now?”
“Here?” He chuckled, “It’s really not worth it, I only come here for the beer. You didn’t get dinner before this?”
“I…I thought we’d eat together”
He laughed, pushing his curls out of his face, “No, I’d rather get drunk with you…and we can dance”
You looked to the dance floor which smelled of sweat and other things you don’t want to think of, “Maybe we could just talk more. I’ll just get another drink then”
He smiled, then looked at the bartender, “A beer for the lady”
“Actually, I might get wine”
His eyes narrowed, and he chuckled, “Oh. Let me guess. You want the most expensive one, right?”
You blinked, “Um…no I’m okay with any. The cheapest one is fine too”
He laughed, throwing his head back, “No wine is cheap, pretty. ”
“I can pay for it” You offered. Ugh. You wanted him to like you so bad.
“No, no, you’re out with me. You should have a real drink” He went ahead and ordered a beer for you. He probably thought you were the most boring girl in this entire city, so you agreed. You needed tonight to go well. Obviously, he wasn’t anything like Hyunjin, but no one could be. If you compared every boy to him, you’d never find anybody. So this would have to do. You sipped on the beer, and it tasted bitter and so horrible, but you swallowed anyway, shooting him a smile. You’d been miserable for long, you needed to let go, and have fun. You could be that kind of girl.
He grinned, reaching forward to grab your thigh, fingers clawing against your skin, “You’re cute”
You were distracted by the suddenness of his touch, and you laughed, nervously, “Thank you. You’re cute too. I like your piercings”
“Yeah?” He tilt his head, smirking, “You’re like the tenth girl to say that to me. I must be doing something right”
You didn’t have much experience with first dates... was it always this fucking awkward? His hand was inching closer up your thigh. You shifted away slightly, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Sure, he was attractive, but you weren’t attracted to him yet. It was too soon.
“So…you said you’re late because of a friend emergency? What was it?” You wanted hoping to keep the conversation going, and to keep it interesting. You wanted to know more about him.
“Ugh. Do not remind me” He rolled his eyes.
“Sorry” You apologised, “Is your friend okay?”
“Nope. He ran out of some weed, so I had to run down and get some for him. Even though he knew I had a date tonight and hot girls rank higher in priority than weed”
“Oh…you seem like a good friend”
He was a perfectly cute boy, why couldn’t you let loose? Just because you’d been attracted to Hyunjin from the first time you saw him, did not mean it’d happen with everybody else. That kind of shit was once in a lifetime, and if you started expecting those sparks from every future relationship, you’d be lonely forever. But all you could wish for was him. The way he was around you, how he talked to you… the way your body was on fire when he so much as breathed near you. The thought choked you. There was no way you’d be hung up on him forever. You had to move on. It had to be as fast as possible, and tonight should be it. How often would a guy agree to go on a date with you anyway?
So, when his hand landed on your thigh again, and slipped under the hem of your dress, you didn’t stop him. You forced a smile, hoping somehow your body would cooperate, and you’d actually start enjoying it. His nails were long, digging into your upper thigh, inching closer to your underwear.
“Maybe we could play a drinking game or something. To get to know each other better” You suggested.
“Okay” He agreed, pulling his bar stool closer and leaned in, “Name of the last guy you fucked”
Your eyes widened, “Whoa. You’re getting right to it…” What game was this? Why would he want to know that anyway?
He tilt his head, smirking, “Don’t stall. You have fucked, right?”
Oh… So he just wanted to know if you were a virgin. “Yeah. I have” You tried to change the topic, trying not to feel disgusted at this implication, “Isn’t it my turn to ask you something now? I mean…according to the game”
Kangmin smiled, lazily, running a hand through his curls, “You’re…already playing pretty hard to get though. We’ll have plenty of time to know each other. My place is pretty close. We’ve got all night.”
So…he probably only picked this bar because he lived close by. Maybe this was his way of flirting with you, or you ended up going on a date with the worst guy in Korea. This was how the rest of your life would be? He leaned in closer to you, and his breath reeked of beer, and you realised in horror that he wanted to kiss you. You couldn’t. You moved away, before his lips could touch yours, hoping your unease would disappear, “Sorry. I’m nervous”
He hummed, almost taking this as a challenge, hand sliding under your dress completely, “A few more drinks then?”
You felt nauseous, instead of turned on. God, what the fuck were you doing here. This was a mistake. You couldn’t do this. “Actually. I’m just…gonna run to the bathroom for a minute” You grabbed your purse.
He sat up straighter, a smirk on his lips, “Oh? That’s where you want to take this?"
Your eyes widened at his implication, “What? No…I…I just need to go”
“Oh” He looked disappointed, and a little confused, like he couldn’t comprehend why you wouldn’t want to fuck him in a random club bathroom.
You got up, making your way through the dance floor. When you looked back, he was already ordering another beer for the two of you. You shouldn’t have agreed to this date. You don’t know what you expected. It had surely helped Hana, but she moved on from Yeonjun with Hyunjin. Of course that helped her. For their date, he took her to the coolest Japanese restaurant in Daejon, and a part of you thought tonight could be like that. Of course it couldn’t. That was her. That was him. This was all you.
It was freezing outside, and there was an alley of smokers right at the exit. Mostly old men, and some younger girls, blowing puffs of smoke into your face as you passed them. You leaned against the brick wall, trying to book a cab, but to your luck, there were none available. Your first instinct was to text Yeonjun, but he was on a work retreat, as far as you remember. Although Jeonghan… had told you he was going to be out in the city today. If he was close enough…maybe he could help you get home. You dialled his number.
“Y/N! how’s it going?” He asked, and then immediately said, “Wait, if you’re calling me in the middle of your date that means—”
“Can you come pick me up? Please. There’s no taxis” You blurted. A few of the smokers were eyeing you up, and you covered your chest with your arms, stepping away from their cloud of smoke, “And um…I don’t feel comfortable taking the train back alone”
He paused, “Uhh…you’re at the bar downtown?”
“Yeah…I know it’s out of the way. I’m really sorry to bother you, I just—”
“I’m on my way, Y/N. Don’t apologise”
You squeezed your eyes shut in relief. You tried to catch your breath, but there was no fresh air here. Minutes passed so slowly, and you were shivering against the brick wall. Everytime a guy approached you, you just pretended to be on your phone, hoping Jeonghan would be here soon. The back door to the club opened, and your blind date, Kang-min stepped out. He walked straight to you, and he looked…really pissed. You straightened up, watching him get closer. “What the fuck?” He laughed, “I was waiting for you to come back”
“I…I’m sorry” You apologised, “I was feeling sick”
He seemed upset, “You didn’t even pay for your drink”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I just—” You reached into your purse, but just as you did, you spotted Jeonghan on the other side of the street. When he saw you, he did a little jog up to you.
You looked back at Kang-min, “I have to go. My friend is here”
“What?” Your blind date asked, stepping closer.
“Whoa, whoa. Back off, dude" Jeonghan made it to you, eyes narrowed at him, “Let’s go, Y/N” He grabbed your hand, pulling you to his side.
Kang-min laughed, “Whatever. You aren’t even that hot, bitch”
Before you could say anything, Jeonghan tugged at your hand, taking you away from a possible confrontation, “Come on, the subway is close by”
“Fuck. Shit. I’m really sorry” You apologised, running your hands through your hair, trying to process what you just put yourself through. You followed behind him as you walked to the nearest station. He shook his head, making sure you stayed close to him, “No, no don’t be. I’m sorry it took me so long. I missed this stop at first”
Technically, you could have taken the train home yourself, but it was late and…you were in the worst mood. Jeonghan bought the tickets, and you waited at the platform, squeezing your purse in your hands. A little bakery was still open at the station, and he asked, “You already ate dinner, right?”
“Yeah. Let’s just go home” You mumbled. He did not need to know that your supposed fancy dinner date consisted of only cheap beer. You could have some cold pizza when you got home. The train arrived, and you boarded it, standing next to him in a corner, away from the crowd. You were so fucking embarrassed, but he wasn’t judging you.
So no more blind dates for you then… or perhaps it was a work in progress, and you would just have to keep powering through. It wasn’t Minnie’s fault either, she had no idea about the guy being…such an asshole. You stared out at the window as the train whizzed by stations, trying to not feel so sorry for yourself. Jeonghan asked you about the blind date, and you told him the gist of it.
He shook his head, releasing a groan, “That sounds really annoying, sorry. It sucks that most guys I know here are all like that. I’m surprised he even let you leave”
You swallowed, “Yeah. Were you busy when I called?”
“I was just working on an assignment”
“Oh, I’m sorry”
“I’m obviously kidding” He laughed, “It’s a Saturday night, I was at a party at my friends’”
“Oh. Is he gonna be mad you left?”
“It doesn’t matter. I told him my friend needed help getting out of a date. He totally understood. This happens here more than you think, unfortunately”
Your place wasn’t too far from the bar, and you arrived sooner than you thought. Jeonghan even chose to walk you home, not wanting you to take any deserted alleys on your own. You stopped in front of your building, and he asked you, “You gonna be fine?”
You blew a puff of cold air, leaning against the front wall, “Yeah. I just…I don’t think I should have gone on the date”
He tucked a stray hair behind your ear, smiling at you, “At least you have a funny story to tell the kids”
You scoffed, “What kids? At this rate, I’m going to die alone”
“You’re dramatic. I’m sure the other dates you go on will be better. Hopefully”
“Yeah…” You already dreaded the idea of going on more dates, “I just thought…it’d help me not be stuck in the past, you know? Or maybe the only thing that can help me is that potion from the movie you were telling me about. Eternal Sunshine, was it?”
Jeonghan laughed loudly, “It’s not a potion, Y/N! It’s a science fiction movie, not fantasy”
You rolled your eyes, smiling, “Whatever”
“Maybe we can get you on a dating app. If you’re looking to casually mess around with a decent guy, those are good. It requires more effort, but…some guys are sweet. At least better than the blind date you had”
You smiled, “Hmm. Are you on a dating app?”
“Why? Would you swipe on me, if you saw me on one?” He sounded so coy.
Your eyes flickered over him. Under the lights on the street where you lived, Jeonghan looked pretty. He looked safe. Tonight he was dressed in a simple white tee, a flannel covering him, hanging off one shoulder. You smiled, a flush rising to your cheeks, “No but seriously, thanks for…rescuing me tonight”
“Mmh, that was very damsel in distress of you to call me like that”
You smiled up at him, “Don’t push it”
“I’m just surprised you actually agreed to go on a date. Minnie and her girlfriend must have had some magical convincing powers”
You sighed, “I thought kissing somebody else would help me. Maybe I should have just let him kiss me, but I might have thrown up if he did. Tonight…was an absolute failure.”
Jeonghan let out a soft hum at your words, “I see”
“What?” You frowned, standing up straighter.
“Ah. Don’t pout. Wasn’t a total failure. I got to see you all dressed up. You’re usually showing up to class in just sweats”
“Are you making fun of my heartbreak?” You laughed, pushing him lightly.
He stumbled back on the curb, laughing, “And are you trying to kill me? Don’t push me onto the road, Y/N!”
You giggled, pulling him back on the sidewalk, “There’s no cars, Jeonghan. You’re so dramatic”
He frowned, throwing his hands up, “I was just saying that if you want to kiss someone tonight. I…wouldn’t be totally opposed to the idea.”
He floated that suggestion so casually. Your eyes widened at it, and you didn’t know what to make of it, “You’re…joking, right?”
He shrugged, and there was no nervousness, “If your big dream of tonight was to kiss some guy…I mean, you’re my friend. It’s not a big deal”
“So a pity kiss?” You frowned, but a smile tugged at your lips.
He rolled his eyes, “Oh my god. If you don’t want a kiss, then just—”
You didn’t let him finish, stepping ahead, hand grabbing his face down to yours. Your mouth met his, if only to shut him up. He immediately kissed you back, hands threading through your hair, messing up your fancy hair. His lips were rough, but it was nice…because it was different. That’s exactly what you wanted right now, a taste of something new and unfamiliar. Maybe you were trying to prove something by kissing him. He stepped ahead to be closer, and tilt his head, deepening the kiss. Your breath hitched in your throat, and you pulled away. It only lasted a few seconds.
He pulled back too, mouth stained from your lipstick, “Mm. That wasn’t too bad”
You stared up at him, “You’re so annoying”
He hummed, voice breathy, “Your lips are really soft, Y/N. What lip balm do you use?”
You sighed, “I should have just pushed you on the street”
“Ouch. I just gave you a pity kiss and you have the audacity to threaten me?”
“Shut up!” You laughed, shoving him away. You were thankful he didn’t make this awkward and didn’t read into it.
“No, I’m serious. It was really, really good. You’re a great kisser…but I should tell you, and this is really important…”
“Yes…?”
“You taste like cheap beer”
“Ugh…I know” You closed your eyes, feeling tiredness seep into your limbs, “Anyway, I should go”
He nodded at you, “Yup. See you in class tomorrow”
You waved goodbye, making your way up to your apartment, feeling the sensation of his lips on yours still. The kiss was nice…but there was nothing electric about it. It was nothing like what it could be. It’s like you’d taken one step forward, and two steps back. Tonight was all about moving on, but everything that happened had just made you miss Hyunjin more.
»»————-
This time, you bought the coffee. You found a cute table, over by the window, and you waited. Your earphones were plugged in, but it’s on mute, and you’re choosing to listen to the sounds of the cafe instead. The cafe you discovered with your friends was so cute. Plants hung from every corner, and there was cool seating; couches with crochet pillows and pink heart-shaped seats. It had so much personality, and it fuelled your inspiration. It could be your new haven.
The chair opposite you shifted, and Kairi sat down. “There you are. I’m dying for some caffeine” She smiled, cherry-colored lips. She was dressed in a fleece bomber jacket. You shot her a smile, trying to not be nervous, “Hey… Did you want a Mocha? I wasn’t sure if you’d like the same as last time”
“Americano” She told you, settling comfortably like you did this each day. She had been so sweet to you even in the few moments you had with her. She was a breath of fresh air. So, after your failure of a date, you had finally texted her back, and decided to let her into your life. Maybe you could immerse yourself into your new friendships, and you could move on like that. When you were standing in line to buy her coffee, you glanced in her direction and she was smiling at you, fondly. She hadn’t seemed upset that you didn’t text her back for so long. You wondered how much she knew about you, how much Hyunjin told her, or even Chan.
When you walked back to the table with coffee and snacks, you feared there might not be anything to talk about if she already has existing assumptions of you, but once your conversation started…it didn’t end.
“So you’ve only been here a few weeks right?” Kairi was sipping on her coffee, a plate of half-eaten biscuits laid between you. From here, you had a perfect view of the street and it looked Parisian. It’s good for people-watching, but right now, Kairi’s the most interesting thing here, “You seem like you’re settling in well”
“I think so. I’ve lost track” You answered her, reaching for a biscuit, “I moved here in the fall, and it’s almost winter now, but it also feels like no time has passed”
“You’re so lucky” She hummed.
You lift an eyebrow, “Why?”
“I’ve always had this crazy dream, to move somewhere new. A place where people would have absolutely no idea who I am. I could have a new name, new job” She laughed, “Like a secret identity”
“Why would you want that?”
She shrugged, wiping biscuit crumbs off her mouth, “I’m curious to see what kind of person I might be in another country… if I’d behave differently, if I’d have different reactions to situations…if I’d have the same kind of friends, or job”
“Oh…wow” You blinked, “You’ve actually thought it through”
“Well, yes” She shook her head, smiling, “You did start over. How’s that been for you, Y/N?"
You leaned back in your seat, it’s a plush leather and pink in color. In this moment, it doesn’t feel like this is the first real conversation you’re having with her, “It’s harder in practice, Kairi. I think your baggage ends up following you everywhere”
She leaned forward, and her eyes were sparkling, “No, but what if it didn’t? What if you could have…a clean slate? What would you do, Y/N?”
“What would I do….?” You’re left wondering. In a way, Seoul was your clean slate, but you’ve let it be tainted by your sadness, “I think I’d move to Paris…or a big city like Milan. I would…have a cool, catchy name, and I’d dye my hair a crazy color”
Kairi laughed, “Really? And what would you do in a city so big?”
“I don’t know. I would love to set up those little stalls at crowded places like the Eiffel Tower, and paint tourists, capturing them at their happiest. People are always so carefree on their vacations, and they’re always dressed their best. Even if I don’t make much money doing their portraits…I’d kill to give them a beautiful memory, something they could hang on their fridge door or something, you know what I mean? It’s not ambitious at all but man, I could imagine doing that for years and enjoying it”
Kairi was smiling wide, eyes crinkling as you talked, and you suddenly felt embarrassed for the way you’d been rambling, “Um sorry. I don’t know what came over me. That’s not what you asked”
This was strange because…you haven’t felt excited like this in a long while. You felt inspired. It’s as if something has changed, just from her presence. She put you at ease.
“No, you’re so cute. Your dreams are beautifully simplistic” She told you, and you almost blushed.
“What would you do, Kairi? If you could be anyone in the world?” You had a newfound vigor and energy, only from this conversation alone. Was it really so simple to find motivation?
“I would move to the countrysides of Japan…or an island in Hawaii. Somewhere away from people. It would be nice to have so much time for myself, and not be surrounded by millions of others”
Your heart warmed hearing her talk, “We want the exact opposite things. That’s kind of funny. You should move to Daejon”
Kairi laughed, “Hyunjin told me it was beautiful”
Your smile fell, momentarily, and you nodded, “It is. Yeah. What else did he tell you…about me?”
Her lips parted, to answer, but before she could, your phone buzzed loudly on the table.
“Who is that?” She asked. You looked up at her in surprise. “Sorry” She apologised, cheeky, “I’m nosy like that”
“It’s my neighbour” You told her, reading Jeongin’s text, “Apparently he locked himself out. He needs help getting back in”
She frowned, “That’s annoying”
“Yeah, he’s always helping me get in, like every second day…” You told her, typing in a reply to tell Jeongin you’d be there soon.
Kairi sat up straighter, a sad pout on her face, “I guess that means you have to leave”
“Yeah. Shit” You realised, “I’m sorry. I would like to stay more—”
She reached across the table, grabbing your hand, and you noticed she’s wearing a charm bracelet, similar to one you had, “Don’t worry about it. You’ll just have to make it up to me then”
You tilt your head, “How?”
“Same time. Tomorrow”
You smiled at her eagerness, “Um…I’m not sure if I’ll be free, Kairi. I might have class…”
She squeezed your hand, “Regardless, I’ll be here. I have some work on my laptop…and I prefer to work out here, so…”
And that was it.
You rushed home to Jeongin, helping him get into the building, and he was intensely apologetic of cutting your plan short. He’d been standing on the porch steps, hands in his pockets, and a sheepish smile on his face, “Shit. I ruined your day, didn’t I?”
You shook your head, inserting your keys into the doorknob, “Not at all. I wasn’t going to let you stand out here in the cold. And are we still in the 18th century? You should talk to Mr. Kwon and have digital keypads put in or something. He loves you, so he’d listen to you”
He watched you from where he stood, arms crossed over his chest, “What happened today?”
You glanced back at him, “Sorry?”
“You haven’t had a proper conversation with me in days”
You stilled, not realising that you’d done so, you hadn’t meant to be so flippant, “Jeongin, I’m sorry, I…”
“You don’t need to apologise. It’s good. I like it. You seem chatty today”
You smiled, “Um. I just met a friend for coffee”
“Ah. Is that all it takes to win your heart?”
You rolled your eyes, “Stop…”
“Is it the same friend that dropped you off the other day? That boy?”
Your eyes widened, “How do you know that? Have you been spying on me”
“You wish” He walked past you on the stairs, “That was an awkward kiss, Y/N. Haven’t your friends in the city taught you anything yet?”
You gasped, following up after him, “What do you mean it was awkward?”
Jeongin laughed, stopping in front of his apartment door, “I’m kidding. Is that dude your boyfriend?”
You hugged your bag, leaning against the stairwell, “No… he’s just my friend from class”
Jeongin smiled, “I see…well, if you ever wanna hang out with someone not from your class…” He pointed to his door, “My doorbell’s right here”
Then he left, and you stood at the stairwell, a soft smile on your face.
»»————-
The table by the window with the heart-shaped chairs was occupied. Kairi sat on one side, laptop before her, a cup of tea and a gochujang sandwich with the meat spilled out. The chair opposite her was empty, for you. She didn’t see you when you walked in, too busy typing super fast on the laptop. “No coffee today?” You asked, sitting down.
She seemed surprised, cheeks dimpling as she smiled at you, looking away from her work, “You made it. How was class?”
You hung your scarf over the back of the pink seat, glancing outside. It could have been a beautiful afternoon, if the weather weren’t so dreary. “It was just work in studio time... I left early.”
“You’re kidding me. I feel special” She grinned, eyebrows raising teasingly. She is special. There’s something about her that’s changed the energy in you, making you get out of bed today.
“I didn’t want to keep you waiting” You admitted, folding your arms on the little table, “And I thought we could pick up where we left off. I was wondering about it all night”
“Hmm, right. You can text me too, you know?” She leaned forward, head in her hands, “You asked me a question yesterday. You still want to know?”
You’d asked her what Hyunjin had said about you, and you swallowed. Immediately there’s a damper in your mood, “I…I was just really curious, because…” What if he talked shit about you? What if all she knew about you were your flaws? Your gut hurt and you shook your head, “Actually, I don’t want to know, never mind”
She sensed the drop in you, “Don’t worry about that. You’re mine to know now”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean…I want to know you on my own terms. Not through secondhand stories of your personality. We don’t need to talk about him, at all”
It’s like a weight lifted off your chest, “We don’t…?”
You don’t want your friendship with her to stem from Hyunjin, because…Hyunjin has given up on you. He’s lost all hope for the two of you, and you can’t let that taint this new beginning. In an ideal world, you could erase him from your mind, and nothing would be tainted by the beauty of his existence. He’s ruined everything for you, because the happiness of nothing can compare to him.
You want the exclusivity of her. She wants to know you without the attached drama of broken hearts. You also want to know the real Kairi, without Chan, and it seems like she wants to know you too, without Hyunjin.
“We don’t have to ever talk about him, if you don’t want to. I don’t want to spend all our time talking about boys anyway” She smiled, and it’s a relief. Your shoulders relax. You don’t want to relive the past like you did with Minnie and Jamie.
You smiled too, “Well anyway…I see that you’re having tea today”
She laughed, a pleasant sound that calmed you, “Well, if we’re going to be doing this everyday, I have to start being more healthy”
“Everyday…?”
A single cup of coffee turned into a week’s worth. A week turned into a month, and quickly, it became obvious that she was your favourite person to hang out with in the city. Yeonjun was there, but he was different. Jeonghan and Minnie were closer to you everyday, but you only talked about art. Kairi and you talked about everything, and anything. Anything except him. She told you about her work, about the drama and the gossip with her coworkers. You told her about the movies Felix used to drag you to, and the music that played on repeat in Aera’s. You hadn’t made time for a movie since forever, so one day, she took you to the theater and instead of your routine coffee, you had soda.
You like to sketch while you talk, and she sits across you, finishing up her work. Her corporate job is tough, but you keep each other entertained. Your art still isn’t too inspired. You’re struggling, and you come home to an empty bed each night. There’s nights you get lost in the memories of summer, and there are mornings when you wake up from dreams of him. Sweet dreams. Dirty dreams. Beautiful, out-of reach dreams. In your dreams, he’s yours still.
All your afternoon naps remind you of him. Something about the sunlight, the warm wooden floors and you have an urge to be in his arms. So you stop sleeping during the day. In the moonlight and secrecy of your bed, you still touch yourself to thoughts of only one boy. You can’t help it.
All of the people who said time heals all wounds, were actually right. Each day, the burden is less. It feels like you were inching closer and closer to a state of not just being heartbroken. You had your moments though, like when Jeonghan would take you home after class, the skyscrapers would reflect onto the train windows, and you’d think of how prettier the blinding lights would be through Hyunjin’s eyes. Your own couldn’t capture the beauty he could see.
There’d be moments -- when someone in the coffee shop would order a vanilla iced latte with whipped cream and sprinkles, and your heart would skip a beat, wondering if he’d be on the other end of the counter to take it. But of course, Hyunjin could never walk into a crowded coffee shop in the middle of Seoul.
On the other hand…Kairi and you are closer every day. The day you invited her to your apartment, she met Jeongin on the staircase, and she fawned over how contagious his smile was. She picked you up from the Atelier one day, and bumped into your friends from class, and she loved them too. She can be intimidating sometimes, with her classy clothes, bold personality…but she has endless love to give to everyone, and she’s not a fan of keeping it hidden. You love that the most about her. It’s easy to be happier around her. You wonder how her and Chan ever made it work. A love like theirs shouldn’t be behind closed doors.
On a Thursday afternoon, you were none the wiser when she told you, “So…my birthday’s next week”
You spilled your coffee at the revelation, staring up at her in shock, “You’re telling me now?”
Her eyes widened at the reaction, and she pulled out a tissue from the dispenser to wipe the table clean as she laughed, “Why not?”
“That’s…not enough time”
“For?”
“I have to buy you a present”
She giggled, “A present? You don’t need to, Y/N”
You scoffed, and you’re so much more comfortable around her now, “I kind of have an obsessive problem when it comes to birthdays”
She shook her head, “You really don’t need to get me anything. Some of my friends from work are throwing a party, and I’d like you to be there. Obviously”
“A party?”
She smiled, “It’ll be fun. You can invite Jeonghan too. It won’t be too big a thing, but I’m guessing there’s gonna be a lot of plus-ones”
“Where is it?”
She smiled, sipping her coffee in between. She’d given up on tea after the first time, “So…there are these campgrounds outside Seoul. It’s a few hours from the city, it’s alongside the bank of the Han River. There’s a lot of…outdoorsy shit there, volleyball courts, barbecue grills, some cabins if anyone wants to stay overnight, canoes. I was thinking it’d be nice to go there.
“That…sounds amazing actually”
“I don’t know what to wear yet. Everybody’s going to be in swimsuits, since the river’s right there and my friends all love to go out on it, skinny dip and everything”
“Oh wow” You blinked, and Kairi’s friends sound as free-spirited as her, “Maybe…I could help you choose what to wear?”
She clapped her hands, a wide smile on her face and you love seeing her like this, “Perfect. I know what we’re doing tomorrow”
»»————-
The curtains of the trial room parted, and Kairi stepped out, doing a spin for you. The lights of the boutique are harsh, but Kairi looks amazing. She doesn’t dress up much — you’ve seen her entire range of dark sweaters, and graphic jackets over the weeks by now.
“Shit, you look amazing” You realised, eyes roaming her figure. A black bikini hugged her tightly, and it was the sexiest swimsuit you’d ever seen. Under the bust, two silver chains hugged her torso, sparkling under the store lights, wrapping around her navel too.
She had a smile on her lips, and she seemed satisfied with it too, “Is this the one?”
You’re in a cute boutique, it sells dresses and swimsuits and silver jewellery. It’s decorated prettily, and there’s not many people here because it’s not summer. It’s rapidly approaching winter, and in a few weeks, it’ll be Christmas.
“It’s the one” You nodded, standing up to circle around her, “You look…gorgeous. Everybody will fall in love with you”
Her smile fell at those words.
You must have said the wrong thing, “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head, “Chris would love it so much. He was always hyping me up, especially when I bought new clothes because I barely ever did”
She didn’t talk about him much. In fact, this was one of the first few times she brought him up. Every time she did talk about him, it was with confidence. They had broken up ages ago, but she was never angry about it. How does she possess such ease in her, to talk of a failed love? If it was so confident, why would it end?
With trepidation, you voiced your thoughts, “Can I…ask you what happened?”
It was a shot in the dark, of course. She didn’t have to tell you the truth, and you could handle not knowing. She wasn’t surprised you’d asked. She just sat down on the boutique floor, stretching her legs onto the fluffy carpet, “Uh…it’s not that big of a deal”
You joined her, crossing your legs, touching her hand, “You can tell me, but only if you’re comfortable with that”
“Someone threatened to kill me” She chuckled.
“What?”
“It was probably an empty threat” She shrugged, “No big deal”
“But…why? What, I don’t understand?”
She tilt her head, “You know Yoko Ono?”
“John Lennon’s wife?”
She nodded, “After she got married to him, and The Beatles broke up…everybody blamed her for it. Apparently he was putting her before the music, and she was one of the reasons the band ended. Could you imagine how much people hated her? They singlehandedly blamed her for the breakup of…the most iconic band in the world”
Your brows furrowed, “But what has that got to do with you?”
“A few months ago, a paparazzi spotted Chan…at a luxury store” She breathed in. Your heart skipped a beat, watching Kairi talk.
“I guess he was…looking at engagement rings. I don’t know for sure. Maybe he was buying something for himself” She breathed, “But after the news of that came out and people realised that the Bang Chan may be getting married…”
“Oh…”
“People think I’m gonna be the Yoko Ono here” She forced a smile, “That he’s gonna get caught up in this relationship, and not pay attention to their music. That he’ll choose me over the fame”
“Kairi…I’m so sorry” You traced a soothing circle on her skin, but you had goosebumps from just listening to her, “That’s fucking unfair”
“Anyway, those pictures were the beginning of the threats. I wasn’t too concerned…because honestly, Chris is the only thing that mattered to me, if he was happy, if he was okay. As long as he was good, I would be too. But Pegasus thought they were real. And Chris…he was scared for me”
“I’d be scared too”
She let out another scoff, but she was shaking, and you could tell how much this bothered her, “So instead of marrying the love of my life…we broke up.”
Your chest wrenched, “I’m…so sorry, Kairi”
She nodded, head bending down, and squeezed your hand, “I’m sorry too. It’s stupid that the entire life me and him had planned together may not ever happen because of a few threats posted online by losers. Maybe they were real though. I don’t know. I guess I’ll never know”
“Couldn’t the company do something about it?”
She scoffed, “The company won’t do shit. They can protect Chris all they want, but they’d never step up to protect his partner. Their entire image revolves around them being single…and available. Sex sells. Their sex appeal is more important to them than his life”
It wasn’t a competition, but her heartbreak was much worse than yours. She had everything, and then she lost it. You mumbled, and you hurt for her, “It’s…not fair at all”
“Yeah. Anyway, me and Chris weren’t getting along towards the end of that. We disagreed on a lot of shit.” She nodded, lifting her head up to meet yours, “The breakup was hard on the others too. Especially Hyunjin, he…” She paused, “It’s almost like he took it personally”
The name sang to your heart, coursing through your veins like lifeblood, making your pulse quicker. “He loved the two of you together” You ended up saying.
Kairi smiled at you, “He tell you about us?”
“Yeah…he said I’d really love you”
She smiled, eyes crinkling, “He was clearly right about that”
“Can I… ask you something?” You said, and she nodded, “Do you ever think you’ll get back together?”
She smiled, “I mean, I can hope, but unfortunately…the decision would have to lie with Chris. If things go wrong, he could lose everything. I would lose nothing…except him. So in the end, it’s up to him. Right now, I think it’s impossible. In summer, a news website threatened to publish about our relationship. Chris isn’t equipped to deal with the fallout that comes with that”
“Oh…I’m sorry”
She took another breath, “Um, we should probably get off the floor before the employees sees us. It’s your turn to try on a bikini anyway”
You couldn’t understand where she conjured up all her positivity from, and you shook your head once you realised what she’d said, “Oh, no Kairi, I have a swimsuit already”
She shrugged, tugging your arm to make you stand up, “You’re going to get a new one though. It’s my birthday, you have to”
“But…” You protested, as she lightly shoved you towards the rack. Tons of bikinis hung on it, ranging from all different styles and colors. Ombre, mismatched, bejeweled. “I don’t know…” You touched the material of a blue one, wondering how you’d pick one.
“How about this lilac?” She asked, pulling a set out. It was too sexy, and too out there. It was the kind of thing Hana would force you to wear. Kairi must have noticed the drop in your expression, because she spoke, “Actually, I’m sure we can find another one”
After some looking around and a lot of nudges from her, you settled on a red bikini set. It was…beautiful. It looked like a thing you’d see on a model in a catalogue. There were metal hearts instead of strings, on either side of the underwear. You’d never be one for vanity, but right now…you could stare at yourself for hours. It fit you perfectly, like nothing else ever had, almost as if it was made for just your body, nobody else’s. When you stepped out, Kairi was patiently waiting on the ottoman. She was rocking her heels back and forth, and she still hadn’t changed out of her final pick, “Holy shit” She grinned, “We’re…gonna look so fucking hot!”
You giggled, “You’re looking forward to it, right? I wanna help your friends plan it too, if that’s okay”
She pulled you into a hug, warm arms enveloping around you. You were still in your swimsuits with the tags on, but you melted into her embrace as she mumbled, “Of course that’s okay! Plus, you’re gonna be there …so I’m not worried about anything”
»»————-
The campgrounds were beautiful, and the party was in full swing. Green grass stretched for miles, running alongside the Han river. Bordering on the outskirts of Seoul, it was far from all the noise, the pollution, and the constant ringing of the sirens. They weren’t just normal campgrounds though. Instead of cabins, there were little glass houses, hidden beneath trees with floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out onto the river, which people could book for vacation rentals all year round. Everything in the city was more boujee. Even nature. It’s like the city folk had figured a way to camp without the mosquitos and the discomfort and glamorised it, fit for celebrities and socialites.
A volleyball court was constructed on a stretch of sand, and a wooden dock extended onto the river, canoes attached to it that anybody could borrow. Pink and yellow inflatables floated down the water, occupied by some of Kairi’s friends who were already so drunk and it was only midday.
Pretty lanterns hung across poles, the only lighting for this place, and even a freaking DJ booth was set up by the bonfire. It all had a modern festival vibe, and Kairi told you that this place usually booked a lot of small rock gigs over weekends. The campgrounds were public, but she had rented out an area for the day. Her friends from work were originally supposed to be planning everything, but you were also helping them now. For someone who hated parties, you sure loved planning them. It was a perfect distraction, from the stress of classes. The venue for Felix’s birthday had been naturally beautiful, but it couldn’t compare to the extravagance of the city.
You’d driven up here in the early hours of the morning, and Jeonghan had been a boon. He’d helped you unload the crate of beers from his car, loading them into ice-cold pink coolers you’d situated every few metres across the riverbank. It was a hotter day than usual, despite the city being on the brink of imminent snowfall, so cold drinks…were a must.
Most people had arrived at the campgrounds in the late afternoon, checking in at the front-desk before making their way towards the river. Kairi had a ton of friends, most of them from work, and you weren’t the corporate type, so you maintained a little distance, choosing to be orchestrating everything behind the scenes more. That’s why you were at the barbecue right now, grilling meat for some hotdogs.
Jeonghan had long abandoned you. His red swim shorts are easy to spot, and the official dress code of this party was just swimwear. He was supposed to be helping you cook but he was stretched out on the riverbank, sketching instead. He must have been really inspired, and from where you stood, you could see him with his feet up in the sky, nose buried in a little sketchbook. It was sweet of him to come, and he was the only person you knew, so you were grateful that he was here.
A frisbee whizzed past you, and you looked up to see Kairi giggling. “Shit! I almost hit you, didn’t I?” She looked beautiful, and the silver chains on her swimsuit sparkled in the sun as she ran around the grass, indulged in a serious game of frisbee with her friends. You smiled back at her, “I’ll forgive you, but only because it’s your birthday”
Ever since she’d told you the truth of what went down between her and Chan, you’d grown fonder of her, and almost protective in a sense. She was so much stronger than you, and you could learn a little from her in terms of positivity. She had introduced you to all her friends, but they were too many names for you to remember. Sohee, Jinsoo, Eric, etc. You’d assigned yourself to the snacks, not feeling too confident in greeting her guests.
“Do you want it crispy all the way through?” You called out to her, pork belly sizzling against the pan as you tossed it. This made you feel useful. It was better to not let your mind wander, instead you filled it with little responsibilities such as this.
She ran up to the grill, frisbee still in her hands, “Why are you all the way over here?”
You gestured to the barbeque, and the plates of snacks, “Somebody’s got to feed your guests”
“They can feed themselves, Y/N. We should go in the river while the sun is still out!” She grabbed your arm, and started leading you away from the barbecue, “I’m sure Nate can take over anyway”
You weren’t going to argue with that. You’d missed swimming, and being in the water, so, you let her pull you into the river. In the cold water, surrounded by nature on all sides, it almost felt like home. Kairi swam over to you, a big smile on her face, “Fuck. The sun feels so good”
You drifted closer, smiling, “I’m glad you’re happy. It’s kind of your day, you should be”
“I’m really, really fucking grateful that dude spilled a drink on me and we met in that club bathroom…”
You laughed, clasping your hand with hers as you swam in the water together, “Well. I’m sure there’s nicer ways for us to meet”
She rolled her eyes, “No, are you kidding? That was the best one. I needed someone like you in my life”
You giggled, “Someone like me?”
“We haven’t even know each other that long, if you think about it. Honestly, I never even thought you’d text me back, because…of him” She paused, “But I think you sacrifice your peace for others, and…I don’t know anyone else like you”
You swallowed, and you didn’t want to get emotional in the middle of the river, “Kairi…tell me you didn’t bring me in the water just to make me cry”
“Actually” She corrected herself, a small chuckle following, “I did know one person like you”
You don’t have to probe to know she’s talking about Chan.
“You remind me of him. As crazy as that sounds” She hummed.
“I’m sorry things didn’t work out between you” You apologised, and you were caressing her shoulder now, rubbing it.
She wrapped her arms around your waist, and her body felt warm against yours, “You don’t have to be sorry. I’m sorry I keep bringing him up. It’s like second nature for me. Does the same ever happen with you…?”
There can’t be a better day than today for you to move on, so you forced a smile, “No. I don’t think of Hyunjin anymore. It’s in the past…” It’s a complete lie, but one day, you’re hoping it will come true. Kairi doesn’t know everything that happened in the end and she doesn’t need too. She doesn’t know he gave up on you, all she knows…is that you don’t talk anymore.
Resignation settled in her gaze, “So…you’re completely okay with him?”
You nodded, “Yup. Anyway, um I don’t know about you but… I’m starving. Should we get the hotdogs?”
Kairi blinked but didn’t question your change of topic, “Sure. That’d be perfect”
You waded out of the water, jumping back onto the riverbank, and the air was prickly cold, but the sun was still warm in the sky. The DJ booth set up in the distance had a party playlist on repeat, and tons of people were dancing, some of Kairi’s friends, some just locals who were enjoying this area. The water droplets on your skin looked like glitter, and you ran over to the barbecue grill, dripping wet. Kairi’s friends, Sohee and Eric were indulging in a platter of pork ribs and grilled chicken, perched on a picnic table. They smiled at you as you approached them, “The water nice?”
You nodded, hugging yourself, “Mmh, you guys should get in while it’s still warm! If you guys don’t mind…could I please borrow a plate for Kairi?”
“Of course. Help yourself” Sohee smiled, black sunglasses resting on her head, and she was in a white one-piece swimsuit, “You’re…Kairi’s artist friend, aren’t you? We’ve heard a lot about you”
You laughed, flushing, “I hope good things”
Eric laughed, “You bet. Hey, we’re playing volleyball later, if you wanna join?”
You grabbed a plate of the sausages and bulgogi, “That sounds cool. I’m a terrible shot but I might join!” They laughed and you picked up some disposable cutlery, heading back to Kairi.
She was out of the water now, sunbathing on the grass and Jeonghan sat at her side.
“I got you some meat” You handed her the plate, balancing it on her stomach. Her arms were stretched behind her head, and she squinted under the sun at you, “Thanks, baby”
The term of endearment brought a flush up your chest, and you sat cross-legged next to her. It was crazy how fast you’d grown fond of each other, as if you were always destined to be such good friends. As you ate off her plate, Jeonghan brought you a couple of drinks. It seemed like he’d finally abandoned his sketchbook in favour of enjoying the place around him. Jeonghan yawned loudly, “This weather makes me want to take a nap”
“Well, I really don’t mind if you do” Kairi suggested to him.
Jeonghan laughed, “Really? I wouldn’t be the lamest person at this party?”
“You won that title hours ago” You joked. Jeonghan gasped dramatically, and lightly shoved you, “It’s rude that you’re not my self-proclaimed hype girl”
You pushed your sunglasses up your head, staring at him and trying not to laugh, “I’m sorry…your what?”
He blew a puff of air, and laid his head on your lap, “You know…I’m like always hyping you up in class. Making you laugh when you’re miserable—no offence— and even rescuing you from pathetic blind dates. You’re not gonna do the same for me?” He bit into a sausage, sauce smeared across his lips.
“You’re such a messy eater” You commented.
His eyes were closed and he smiled, “You can lick it off me, if it’s bothering you”
Kairi sat up, laughing, “What is going on with you two?”
You shook your head, “Nothing. He flirts with me when he’s drunk”
It was rapidly approaching nightfall, and that’s what you hated the most about winter: shorter days, longer nights. The sun set behind the forest, settling warm rays on your skin, drying the water from your swim off.
You smiled, indulging in this moment, wishing every day could be the same. You were in a beautiful place, with new friends and this could be your blank slate. Tonight could mark what you and Kairi had talked about – a real, fresh start. For the first time in weeks, your chest didn’t hurt.
»»————-
You knew you were terrible at coordinated sports, and it became obvious to everyone else too when you missed the fifth volleyball headed your way. Eric on the other team, did a fist-bump with his teammate at your loss, and Sohee sighed, “Just catch one, Y/N!”
You threw your hands up, a giggle escaping you, “You guys asked me to join. I told you I’m horrible at this stuff!” There were two teams, and the one with you was… horribly failing. Nobody took it too seriously so it was okay, it was for fun. It was just insane to you that you were playing volleyball next to the freaking river with strangers in Seoul. If past you found out about it, she’d absolutely freak out. You were counting every blessing, grateful to be here in the city, and you were making the most of tonight. You’d made Jeonghan join with you, and he was on the other team. Kairi was somewhere by the bonfire, dancing, and you could her loud singing along all the way over here.
“Just try to catch this next one, okay?” Jeonghan called at you over the net.
You were horrible at bowling too, but Seungmin had taught you once and after that you hadn’t been half as bad. All you had to do was focus, and channel all your built-up energy into shooting the ball, not get distracted by every other thing happening. You’d seen Sohee shoot enough successful ones to try to imitate her. So, you stepped up, rooting your feet in the sand, and she was cheering you on in the background. You didn’t even know her, so it was funny that she cared this much.
Jeonghan across the fence tossed the ball towards you. You don’t know what prompted you to jump, and this time you actually hit it with all the energy you could muster, your fist making contact with the ball, and it shocked Jeonghan so much that he forgot to serve entirely. “Are you kidding me?” He cried, crawling under the net to run up to you. He pulled you into a hug, arms wrapping around your body, “I knew you had it in you! All you needed was a little bit of humiliation to get you there”
“I barely hit!” You giggled, hugging him back, and his torso was warm to the touch, “And you’re supposed to be on the other team, but…thanks”
He rolled his eyes, holding you tight in his grip, “I’ll gladly let you win any day”
He was so touchy tonight. It must be the mix of alcohol, adrenaline and being away from the stresses of the art studio. His hand lingered on your waist, drifting close to your ass but you didn’t stop him. It was silly because you weren’t even into sports, you didn’t care about this volleyball game, but you were smiling widely, and it wasn’t forced.
Jeonghan let go of you, steadying you on the sand, and in your happy daze, you got up on your toes and kissed him, threading your hands through his hair. It was frizzy from the wind, and you settled on the nape of his neck. He smiled into the kiss, pressing your body to his, and he was only in his little swim-shorts, and you were only in your bikini so most of your skin touched his. It was a strange feeling, to be so physically close to somebody who wasn’t Hyunjin, but that would never happen again, and to curb the hurt, you kissed him deeper.
Sohee was laughing in the background, “You guys know the game isn’t over yet, right?”
This kiss didn’t mean anything, yet it meant everything. It meant that you could let go. Hyunjin didn’t want you in his life, and one day you’d be okay with that. Right now, you had to live in this moment. You wound your arms tighter around Jeonghan’s neck, and you kissed him deeply, and he was probably surprised that you were giving in so much, because he knew this wasn’t anything special. You surprised yourself too.
Kairi calling your name is what made you pull away from him, cheeks flushed with adrenaline. She was walking over to you, and you ran up to her, across the makeshift volleyball court, “Babe! Did you see me hit that ball?”
She looked like she’d seen a ghost though, and she reached for your hand, “Y/N. I need you, please”
“Wait, what’s wrong?” You frowned, stepping out with her.
She was fumbling over her words, “He’s here. Y/N. He’s here” Her eyes were wide in despair. She looked like she was going to cry, staccato mumbling, “I don’t know what to do”
You grabbed her arm, pulling her away from the game, You’d never seen her in such a state, “Kairi, please calm down. Who’s here? What’s going on?”
She squeezed her eyes shut, a tear spilling out, “Chan…Chan is here”
Fucking hell.
“Hey, hey, hey. Kairi, I need you to calm down, okay?”
Your heart had dropped into your gut, but you had to be there for her. She was breathing heavy, and her eyes were filling up with tears, smudging her mascara and her silver eyeliner, “I don’t know what to do. If I talk to him, I’ll end up doing something stupid, like kiss him or something”
You grabbed her gently by the shoulders, so she could look only at you and not be stimulated by the rest of the party, “I’m gonna handle it, okay? Kairi. I’ll take care of it. You don’t have to do anything”
Her eyes were wide, “What? You will? Are…are you sure?”
“Of course. It’s Chris, I got this” You held her chin, fingers caressing her jaw, “Today is your day. I don’t want you to stress about anything”
She let out a breath, a tear escaping, “Thank you, Y/N. I’m sorry, I just got really overwhelmed, I wasn’t expecting to see him and…I don’t know if he knows I’m even here”
“What do you want me to say to him?”
“Just…don’t send him away. I don’t want him to get hurt. But please…find out why he’s here. I’m so…fucking confused. Why today? What does he want?”
“I’ll talk to him” You looked around, eyes landing on a concerned Jeonghan. He was still playing the game, but his focus was on the two of you, “Can you go hang out with Jeonghan till then?”
She nodded absentmindedly, seemingly so lost, “Thank you...Fuck, I just…don’t know how to deal with this right now”
“Jeonghan?” You called out, and it only took him a second to abandon the game and run up to you. His eyes observed Kairi’s fragile state, “What’s up? Is everything okay?”
“Can you take her to the dock? I’ll catch you there in a bit, okay?”
He glanced at her, no questions asked, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “Of course, no problem” He smiled at you, a dazzling grin that told you he’d take care of it, “Catch you in a few”
Then he took her away, leading her towards the other side of the campgrounds. The dock was nearer to the woods, hidden between the trees and the rocks, away from Chan. You’re sure the physical distance from the rest of the party would help Kairi calm a bit. You glanced at the volleyball game. They were all standing and waiting for you. Sohee had her hands on her hips, “You coming back?”
“I’m gonna have to ditch the game, sorry! Win for me, okay?” You shot her a smile.
“We’re gonna kick your ass, Y/N!” Eric yelled across. You laughed, waving them a goodbye as you walked over to the bonfire. That’s where Kairi said she saw him. You couldn’t understand. Why would Chan be here, and how had he heard about this party? Things between them had long ended, and there was no logical reason for him to come here suddenly. You were proud of yourself for staying calm though. Kairi was what mattered tonight, and you could easily deal with her ex.
There was a dance party situation happening around the fire. Everyone had congregated near it, and the DJ had long given up on playing good songs, settling for dance club music instead. From here, you could see the bonfire. One of Kairi’s friends, Jinsoo ran up to you, “Y/N, hey! Do you know where the rest of the beer is?’
You stopped to explain, you’d somehow become the unofficial host for this party and everyone must have noticed how close you and Kairi were. “Um, it should be in a pink cooler. We unloaded near the cabins”
“Great, thanks!” She smiled at you, running back there. Your eyes scanned the crowd around the fire. The sand here was warm, and it felt so good between your toes. Everybody was drinking, and dancing, making it harder for you to find him. You’d never seen Chan in person, but you’d seen so many pictures of him. It’d be second nature to recognise him.
Then, you spotted a boy by the fire, gaze frantically looking around the campgrounds, and you stepped up to him, making your way through the people dancing.
He was in a black sweatshirt, and dark jeans and he stood out, surrounded by girls in bright-colored bikinis, and boys in expensive swim-shorts. There was no telling from his stature that he was someone famous, which is probably why none of the guests were giving him a second look. You wonder if any of Kairi’s friends had ever known about their relationship. You weren’t nervous about this interaction, even though you should be. This was Hyunjin’s best friend. Why were you not freaking out? Maybe because you’d do anything to make sure Kairi had a good night.
“Chris?” You asked, voice low. You didn’t want to spook him.
At hearing his name, he turned to face you. Your heart jumped at the sight. He was beautiful in person. None of the pictures could do him justice. In the pictures, he had stage makeup and styled hair. Right now, natural curls fell into his face, and he looked so simple, like any other guy you’d pass by on the street.
“Hey. You’re Chris, right?” You spoke, and the only thing making you nervous was him looking right into your eyes, “I’m uh…I’m one of Kairi’s friends.” It was best to not say your name. His gaze was…very intense but you had to keep cool for her, so you smiled. A genuine, warm, smile.
The tension in his shoulders dissipated as understanding settled in his face, and he stepped up to you, clearing his throat, “Hey. Um, I go by Chan actually”
“Chan…” You repeated, smiling at him, fiddling with your fingers, “I wasn’t really expecting you to show up”
He sighed, hands in his pockets, “I know… I’m not on the guest list”
“She didn’t know you’re coming tonight”
“I wasn’t planning to” He answered, taking in another breath, and his voice was shaky, “I came straight from the studio. I drove…three straight hours to get here, on a whim. I know I’m not dressed for the party, but I need to see her right now”
Oh, wow… You hope you didn’t sound rude but this was in her best interest, so you said, “I’m sorry…I don’t know how to say this… but she’s not feeling great about this. How did you even know about the party?”
He was about to answer but it’s like he couldn’t find the words, struggling. Had he come here just to wish her for her birthday? It was hugely romantic, but there must be more he wanted to say. What would make him drive all the way here?
“Channie, she is not by the cabins either!” Someone yelled out.
You would recognize that voice anywhere.
Your heart stopped beating.
Within seconds, somebody came running up through the shadows of the trees. The air left your body, and you couldn’t breathe.
Hyunjin.
He stepped out into the light and all of the noise around you died.
The waves of the river were suddenly quiet, the forest was mute, the music was silent. Only your pulse ringing in your ears.
He was here. He was here. He was here.
Immediately, his gaze landed on you, and he stopped still in his footsteps.
There was no hiding his surprise. There was no pretending, or feigning of emotions. His mouth parted, eyebrows shooting up, eyes wide as he saw you.
Vision blackening, clouding, blurring, you could only see him in the centre, and your gut started squeezing you from the inside out.
Dark hair tied up into a bun, half of it hanging to his shoulders, he looked like he always did. Fucking unreal. He was dressed so simply, black sweater blending into the darkness. He got prettier each time you laid eyes on him. So fucking beautiful and you hated him for it.
His eyes were on yours, thick lips parted in shock, and it was cruel how your heart leapt out of your chest, as if you hadn’t been training to tame it all this while. The last time you saw him… flashed through your mind, memories pricking at you like a hundred thousand needles stabbing into your body. He left you, before you even had a chance. He didn’t even know you loved him.
You’d been trying so hard to move on, but here he fucking was, the one place you didn’t think he could be.
But you needed to be strong, for Kairi. This was all for her, and she was your saving grace. So you looked away from him, even if it took all of your fucking willpower. Your gaze found Chan, and suddenly the noises were back. The party was raging, the river was loud, the forest full of cacophony. Chan was saying your name repeatedly, and you’d tuned out completely. So had Hyunjin it seemed…because he snapped back to reality, a click going off in his head, and turned to his friend.
Chan stepped closer to you, “You’re Y/N…?”
You nodded, no words escaping at him recognising you. You’d been recognised. Of course you had. You and Hyunjin had been fucking staring at each like fools. It was a dead giveaway.
“I need to see her, Y/N.”
You ignored the peripheral gaze burning in the side of your face. Don’t fucking look at him. You stared right at Chan, “Chan, I can’t…”
“There’s something I need to say to her…and after that I’ll leave, I promise you” There was desperation in his voice, one you’d felt all these months.
It was the most difficult thing to not look at Hyunjin, when he was fucking staring at you. He’d always had your entire attention, any room he was in but right now you couldn’t afford to do that. It was so hard for you to ignore him, but it had been so easy for him before. You could do that to him too.
“I don’t know. She’s…really upset” You turned around, glancing over at the dock, then back at him, “Why tonight? She wants to talk to you, but—”
“I know you’re just trying to do right by her. Something I should have been doing all this time” He closed his eyes, “I understand if you’re gonna ask me to leave, but I promise you. If she says she doesn’t wanna see me, I’ll walk right out.”
You shook your head, guilt overwhelming you, “Chan—”
He continued speaking over you, “But if you’ve ever been in love, or…or loved someone, you’d understand why this is so fucking important to me”
You stared at him, lost for words. If you’d ever been in love…?
Hyunjin’s gaze on you was stronger than ever. It burned you.
He had said nothing this whole time. What was he thinking? You wanted to climb into his brain, read his mind and know what he thought of this question. Did Hyunjin have any fucking idea how much you loved him? You were so stupid crazy in love, you missed his silence too. And did Chan even understand the significance of what he was asking you? All of your emotions were cascading on top of each other, and the sane part of you was drowning in the waves. It was hard to speak, but you finally found the words, “She’s… by the docks. You can find her there”
They were the right words because Chan’s eyes lit up instantly, a smile spreading on his face, and he was beautiful like this, a warmth and comfort emanating from him. He was prettier when happy, and it looked like he couldn’t believe you’d said yes, “Thank you. Shit, thank you, Y/N. You’re an angel” He turned to Hyunjin, “I’ll be back soon, okay?”
“Do you want me to come with you?” Hyunjin asked him. His voice sent shivers down your spine.
“No, I…got this” Chan swallowed, and he suddenly looked nervous and doubtful of this.
Hyunjin stepped close to him, voice dropping, “It’s gonna be fine. You’re gonna be fine”
Chan nodded, eyes closed, “I’m just…fucking anxious. What if she asks me to leave?”
“Channie” Hyunjin repeated, in a low voice, hand landing on his shoulder, “I’m right here if you need me, okay?”
He took a deep breath, and Hyunjin pulled him into a half-hug. You stood by, unsure what to do, staring at them. You were still trying to wrap your head around whatever the fuck was happening right now. In seconds, Chan took off towards the dock, where you’d told him Kairi was. You watched his retreating figure, hoping you made the right choice. He seemed genuinely apologetic, for whatever had went down between him and her.
His departure… left you and Hyunjin by the bonfire. Just by yourselves. So, you finally looked at him.
He was staring at you.
In the glow of the embers, Hyunjin looked almost sinister, he looked dangerous in the way that you wanted him, even now. Dark shadows cutting across his face, he’d only grown more into the version of him you’d ran into the storage closet. Taller stature, stronger arms, piercing gaze.
You suddenly felt conscious…being in this tiny swimsuit, and your arms came up around yourself to cover up somehow. It hurt too much to see him this close, after everything that had happened. You’d been giving up your soul to forget him, and he’d just decided to show up, now? It was unfair. You had to be the bigger person here, and you were going to leave. You didn’t owe him a conversation, not after he’d shown you how easy it was for him to forget all about existence.
So, you turned to walk away, but then Hyunjin spoke, “I didn’t know you were going to be here”
At first, you almost didn’t hear him, over the music, over the laughter, over the river. You stopped in your tracks, squeezing your eyes shut, wishing he’d never spoken.
You didn’t look at him as you mumbled, “Yeah…you wouldn’t be here if you knew”
It came out more venomous than you wanted, and you didn’t wait to see his reaction. But he asked you, “What are you doing here then?”
You turned to look at him, and fuck it hurt every bit of you. You hope you had a stable tone, arms crossed across your chest, because how the hell could he ask you that? “I’m… kind of the host”
His eyes widened, genuine surprise in it, “You are…?”
Well, he would’ve known that if he’d let you be in his life. Why had he pushed you away? Why had he not even tried to keep in touch with you? Was cutting off all contact the only way he knew how?
“I have to go” You mumbled, feeling hurt all over again, “There’s drinks in the corner if you want”
Hyunjin began to say something, but he was stopped because somebody yelled your name, interrupting whatever he could have said. What was Hyunjin going to say?
Jeonghan ran over to you, laughing, oblivious to everything around him, “You know Sohee’s going around saying you abandoned her during the game?"
You blinked, looking up at him, “She knew we weren’t going to win anyway”
He laughed loudly, and he was clearly tipsy by the way he talked, “What can I say? You’re a very wanted woman tonight, like five people stopped to ask me where you were. Also, you do remember that you’re the only person I know at this party? You can’t just leave me alone. I might actually end up missing you”
“Right, I forgot” You stifled a smile, “I was doing something for Kairi. Speaking of which…you left her alone?”
“I’m sorry…” He sighed, “There was this dude that wanted to talk to her…she asked me to leave them. And, I did not come tonight to babysit her. I’ve only met her like one time!”
You laughed, “Really? It is her birthday, Nate. What did you come here for then? ”
He shook his head, smiling, “Oh, being coy suits you, Y/N. It’s sexy”
“What?” You laughed. Before you could even register it, he wrapped his arms around you, picking you up in a little spin and twirl. A surprised noise escaped you, and your hands came to brace yourself against his bare chest. He was grinning at you, completely oblivious to the fact that someone was watching you. You almost forgot where you were, and who was watching, a giggle escaping you. “Nate—” You mumbled, pulling away, hands on his chest.
“What?” He frowned, and only then he saw Hyunjin standing there, watching all of this take place. “Oh…hey, man” Jeonghan smiled at him, “Wow…you are way too overdressed for this party. Take your shirt off or something”
Hyunjin’s gaze was on the arm around your waist. There was an unrecognisable emotion in his eyes. You’d seen jealousy on him before and this wasn’t it. This… was something else entirely. An emotion so intense that you felt scared of what he was holding inside.
He was frowning, furrow in his forehead, and then he glanced at you, a sudden indifference in his voice, “Where did you say the drinks were again?”
You swallowed, “By the cabins…”
“Oh, I can show you” Jeonghan offered, and you wish he wasn’t so nice to everybody.
Hyunjin’s brows shot up at the suggestion, and you were afraid he’d say something mean, but of course Hyunjin wasn’t mean, so he forced a smile, “Cool. Sure”
Jeonghan began walking away with him, and your grip on his hand was tight, you yanked him back, whispering, “What do you think you’re doing?”
He smiled, whispering back, “Relax. Just showing some hospitality. Also I think that guy’s famous”
You sighed, closing your eyes, because he was impossible to argue with, “Fine, but…get me a drink too”
“Will do” He grinned, leaning in to kiss your cheek. You watched them walk away, and you could hear Jeonghan say, “I’m Nate by the way, only she’s allowed to call me Jeonghan. Don’t ask me why though”
You couldn’t pick up on what Hyunjin said in response and you itched to know, but…you had to hold back. You stood still, feet rooted to the sand as Jeonghan led Hyunjin to the cabins, and the coolers that lay there, filled with beers. You couldn’t watch for long, because somebody grabbed your arm, turning you around, “Why are you by yourself?” Sohee, from the volleyball game asked, “Come on, you can dance with us!”
“I’m not in the mood, sorry” You apologised, walking away from the fire. What would they talk about? You hope Jeonghan didn’t bring up how miserable and depressed you’d been this whole time. Would Hyunjin talk about youto him? Would he ask him what you and Jeonghan were? Did he…even care?
Sohee laughed, “What? Shut up. You’re dancing with us. You already ditched us in the game”
“I think I’m just gonna go get a drink” You tried to decline, as politely as you could, without being a spoilsport or a downer. She stopped you, hand on your wrist, “What’s wrong?”
“I just…don’t wanna dance. I’m sorry” You gently pulled your arm out of her grip, walking nearer to the river. You could already feel it. All of the progress you’d made all these months was reversing. You were going back in time against your will. What had all this happiness been for, if it was just going to be ripped from you in an instant? How could you ever fucking say you moved on when seeing him for a second changed your mind?
You thought you were stronger than this, but you were so fucking weak, falling back into an emotion you didn’t need. Self-loathing and sadness and wishing you were enough for him was staring you in the eyes, and you thought you’d left it all behind. This wasn’t how tonight was supposed to go. You…had plans, to feel better, to move the fuck on. Kairi and Chan were nowhere to be seen, and it was past midnight already. She hadn’t even cut the birthday cake yet. You’d made Jeonghan drive you all the way to that special bakery for nothing. Why would Chan show up uninvited on such a special night? Why the fuck would he bring Hyunjin with him?
You ran your hands over your face. Every breath was harder to catch, and you felt like you’d pass out if you stayed standing. A tear slipped into your mouth, and you tasted the glitter mascara that Kairi had put on you. Kairi. You were going to find her…and you’d make sure she still had a good night, regardless of her ex gatecrashing the fucking party. Chan was a lovely person, you’re sure he was, but this was not the time. If he wanted to come so bad, he should’ve just come alone and not brought Hyunjin.
You looked back towards the fire, where Sohee was twirling around with the others, laughing loudly, so drunk and so happy. Jeonghan was back there too, he stood watching the girls dance, but Hyunjin wasn’t with him.
Did he leave? Where was he?
Your eyes scanned the crowd so fast, trying to place him amongst the crowd.
“I thought you hate beer”
You jumped, startled by the sound.
Hyunjin stood behind you, holding a beer bottle in his hand, extended out to you. How had you missed him walking over to you?
“What?”
He seemed confused, hand outstretched, “You…hated beer, right?”
“What are you doing?”
He shrugged, nonchalant, “You asked Nate to bring you a drink. He…wanted to dance instead, he asked me to bring it to you”
You laughed, bitterly, “And what, you work for him now?”
Why the fuck would he willingly approach you? After forcing you to get out of his life? Pretending like everything was normal? Acting like he hadn’t devastated you entirely, and broken you down. He didn’t even apologise for the way he’d kissed you and pushed you away. He still didn’t fucking realise what he meant to you, and he never would.
Hyunjin’s tongue poked his cheek, and he said, “No. I was trying to be away from the crowd”
You released a breath, “Well, congratulations, now you are. I’m gonna go”
“Wait—” He called out.
You stopped, “What, Hyunjin?”
He swallowed, “Aren’t you gonna take your drink?”
You should walk away from this conversation right fucking now, but you felt angry. Did he know you’d been suffering so much because of him? Did he know you’d given up on love and resigned yourself to a miserable fucking existence, because of him? How could he act so normal?
“You know what?” You forced a smile, “You can have it. You’ve already ruined tonight for Kairi. You might as well for me too”
“Excuse me?” His features contorted into a frown, as if he couldn’t believe you were bringing it up, “It wasn’t my idea to show up here”
“So what…you came as moral support or something?”
“Chan needed me” He stated, with finality.
“Well” You laughed, “You’re a great friend then. Are you even allowed to be at this party? Isn’t that gonna be a problem for you?”
His lips were in a thin line, “You’re angry”
“No” You laughed, so bitter, so petty, “Just concerned. Actually I am gonna take that drink” You grabbed it out of his hands, pulling with more force than needed, making sure none of your fingers touched any of his. Hyunjin’s eyes narrowed, and he would hate you now if he didn’t already, but that was fine. He didn’t want you anyway.
Jeonghan’s yell interrupted you two, “Y/N! Come on. It’s your favourite song!”
You turned back to them, realising that indeed a song you’d liked in a club once was playing. It wasn’t your favourite song, far from it, but you wanted to be away from Hyunjin. You were losing yourself so near him.
So you glanced at Hyunjin, lifted the beer bottle to your lips, and drops of alcohol dripped down your neck and chest, into your bikini top, messily, “Thanks for the drink”
Jeonghan basically pulled you into the circle, as the chorus came on. You let him. You chugged the rest of the beer, because there was no way you were doing this sober anymore. Jeonghan was fucking tipsy, so he spun you around, and if it wasn’t for his arm around you, you’d fall over into the sand. Somebody handed you a shot of tequila, and you drank that too. The music was loud enough so you couldn’t think, EDM beats playing over and over, making your heart vibrate against your ribs. You wanted to laugh, because everything was so horrible. Sohee was a good hype girl, cheering on for you, grinding her hips against a taller boy, and everyone was lost in the music.
As the song picked up tempo, your hands met Jeonghan’s and he helped you move with an exhilarating speed and you couldn’t even breathe, head spinning. He wasn’t a great dancer, but he was holding you tight, moving your body against his, and it was good to feel desired, “You look so fucking sexy” Jeonghan mumbled into your ear, “You should wear pink more often”
You rolled your eyes, “It’s red…Nate”
“Huh. Maybe I should get a closer look at it then”
“What?” You laughed as he suddenly leaned in, kissing your neck, and collarbones. His other hand dropped to your ass, squeezing it tightly. You couldn’t find it in you to feel shy because nobody was looking at you anyway. Everybody was too busy dancing, or too drunk. Hyunjin had probably realised his mistake and long left. You hope he’d fucking left. You didn’t want to see him again tonight. In the centre of the circle, Jeonghan was bent over you, pressing kisses to your body. Your arms rest on his biceps, as he kissed your neck, “You’re so beautiful when you laugh. I wish you were happier like this more often”
Oh, the irony. If only he knew you’d never been this sad in your life before. Knowing Hyunjin was here, so close yet so far. He was here, but he wasn’t here with you. What was the point…of anything? Weeks and months of moving on. Everything was useless. Hyunjin had to be there, everytime, haunting you like a demon, following in your shadows for the rest of your life.
“Y/N…” Jeonghan asked, head buried in your neck, realising you were standing still, deadweight, “What’s wrong?”
You’d gone on a date, you had a friend you casually made out with, you were in the best art studio in your country. You were so unhappy. What was the point?
It was like there a string on his chest, tying him to you, bringing you together even when you couldn’t be. Even when he didn’t want to be.
“Nothing” You swallowed, tears shooting up to your eyes, “Can you just kiss me and not ask me anything?”
He frowned, and it was hard to hear him over the loud music, “No…Y/N. Tell me if you’re okay. Do you want some air? Water?”
“I just want you to kiss me and not ask why”
So, almost reluctantly, he did. He leaned in, pressing his mouth to yours and you hoped it’d distract you. You wanted to get lost in it, and you brought your palms up to his face, to his hair, running through it. You’d never kissed him for so long, or with so much emotion. It had always been so casual, for fun, no strings, nothing.
For just a second, you opened your eyes. You wish you hadn’t.
Over Jeonghan’s shoulder, there was a direct line of sight to Hyunjin.
He was still standing by the river, staring out into the darkness, one hand shoved in his pocket, the other lifting a beer bottle to his lips. He was still here. Right where you’d left him.
Why wouldn’t he leave? There was a path straight to him, people parted like the red sea, the taut string of fate between you working harder than ever.
You squeezed your eyes shut, focusing on kissing the boy who actually cared for you, but when your eyes flickered open again, Hyunjin was watching you.
It should have been obvious, but you were still surprised…to see him stare. Your heart hurt so much you thought you’d collapse. He didn’t want you in his life anymore. He’d made it plenty clear.
Then why did he look so fucking sad watching you kiss another man?
The party was raging, you were dying. Each press to Jeonghan’s lips made you sick. He kept spinning you around, and you were getting dizzy. Every few seconds, your eyes would fall on Hyunjin. Everything but him was blurred. Your insides hurt, and he was looking at you and you were looking at him but you were dancing with another man. Was this how it felt like to be dying? Jeonghan was giggling about something, and he leaned in to whisper something in your ear. You didn’t hear it, because Hyunjin had turned away from you now, like all of this was beneath him. As if being here was the greatest inconvenience of his life.
He was walking away. He’d probably had enough of your dancing.
He’d had enough of you.
“Y/N…hello?” Jeonghan snapped a finger in front of your face.
“I’m going to be sick” You mumbled.
His eyes widened, “What? Did you drink too much?”
“No. I just…I need some air” You stepped back from him.
“Should I come with you?”
“I’m fine” You shook your head, looking around, “You should dance with Sohee…till I’m back. ”
Before he could protest or respond, you walked away, towards the river. Kairi was nowhere to be found, at her own birthday party. It was all his fault. You had to go find her. What if she had a fight with Chan and needed you?
The alcohol had gotten to your head. You shouldn’t have chugged that beer, and that tequila and that last shot of vodka. Slowly, but steadily you made your way towards the dock. Her birthday cake was rotting in the car. Was it so hard to ask for just one good night?
He had to ruin that too, just like he’d ruined the idea of love for you. You could never love anybody, ever again, not in this same way.
You walked until you caught up to him. Thankfully, there was nobody else here. Everybody was either in the cabins, or dancing. Hyunjin was pacing back and forth, on his fucking phone as if he was too good for this place. The question left your mouth before you could rethink it, “What does Chan want?”
He looked up at you, eyes drifting over your figure briefly, voice small, “What?”
“It’s been an hour. She’s not back yet” You stated, as if it was obvious, “In case you didn’t know, she turned twenty-four today, and this entire party is for her. So why is he here, Hyunjin?” You stepped closer to him.
He clicked his phone off, the number he never shared with you, and put it in his pocket, “Um… I don’t know if it’s my discretion to tell you”
You stared at him. You were so past begging to be included in his life. You nodded, a scoff escaping, “Yeah, sorry I asked. I don’t know what I was thinking”
Turning towards the dock, you only made it about five steps away from Hyunjin when he called out, “Wait—I didn’t mean it like that”
You turned to face him, and there was fire in your eyes, there was fire in your veins, “Then what did you mean, Hyunjin?”
Something flashed through his eyes when you said his name, like he also couldn’t believe he was talking to you. “Um. Do you… remember what I told you at the Château?” He asked. The familiarity of those memories flooded through you, like a tsunami. You remembered every single word, you remember each breath he took, each touch. You remember every ridge and curve in his hand, as he held yours. You remembered how many times he pressed his lips to yours, and how loud he’d moaned when you touched him.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about”
Hyunjin tilt his head, “About… how they’ve been together for two years now? About how Chan had planned to ask Kairi to marry him…on her birthday?”
Your eyes narrowed as the realisation sank into you, “You’re kidding me. Is that what he’s doing right now? He’s literally going to ruin her—”
Hyunjin stepped forward, “No, he’s not doing that! But he just needed to talk to her about it. He’s just here to make things right with her” He explained, emphasising each word.
“Why?”
Hyunjin seemed confused, “Why, what?”
“Why now? He couldn’t have picked another day?” You sounded so harsh, but you didn’t care. Yeah, maybe you were pissed that Chan was willing to go to all this fucking effort for the girl he loved. But nobody would ever make any effort for you. You were pissed that Kairi was the one good thing you had left, but now Hyunjin’s life was ripping her away from you too.
He didn’t seem fazed though, and he seemed just as confused as you, “I don’t know, Y/N! I tried to talk him out of it. That it wasn’t a good idea”
You scoffed, crossing your arms, “Well you clearly didn’t do a good job, because he’s here right now anyway”
“What do you want me to do? I tried my best!”
“Well, you should have tried harder, Hyunjin!”
He let out a deep breath, running a hand over his face, “Why are you fighting me?”
You took a step back, “Right. I forgot I’m not allowed to be near you”
His eyes narrowed, “Excuse me?”
“Never mind. I’m going to go see if she’s okay or if she needs me”
He frowned, stepping in front of you, “You can’t just interrupt them. What if they’re having a moment?”
You squeezed your eyes shut. This was a fucking disaster, “He better not be proposing”
Hyunjin’s voice dropped, “Why? Wouldn’t you be happy for them?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth, Hyunjin. I would be happy. Obviously I’d be fucking happy. But Kairi loves him too much. She told me everything that happened. She would just get hurt again when he chooses the company over her.”
Hyunjin was quiet, eyes flickering over yours, voice dropping, “Is… that what you think I did?”
Your voice had lost its energy too, and you stared at him, “I’m not talking about—”
“Because that’s not what I did, Y/N”
You looked up at him, but you were shaking, “This is about her, not me”
He didn’t say anything. For a few seconds, you were both just staring at each other.
He sighed and chose to speak first, “Chan would never hurt her. Their decision to break up was mutual”
Unlike how things happened with you. “Yeah. I understand”
“It’s not just you. I’m worried about Chan too” He ran a hand through his hair. This was not the time to create a scene in public, so you curbed your anger, shoving it deep inside. He cared about Chan, and you cared about Kairi. That’s the only reason you were still here, and still talking to him. It was the only fucking reason you’d talk to him tonight.
“I can’t believe it’s her birthday and she’s not even here” You mumbled, “All of this was for nothing then. I hope she’s not upset or crying somewhere in a corner”
For the first time this night, Hyunijn looked a tad guilty, brows furrowing, “Do you want to go check on them…?”
You hugged yourself tighter, the wind was picking up quickly, “I thought you just said we can’t interrupt them”
“We won’t”
Your eyebrows shot up.
“Isn’t there another place we can see the docks from…without interrupting them? To see how they’re doing…”
You ran a mental image of the campgrounds in your head, “Yeah, there is…”
And so, Hyunjin followed you.
There was a clearing in the forest, a thick cover of trees that looked right out onto the docks. You’d seen it back when you came to scope out of the place with Kairi. You were taking him there. You focused on the sound of your footsteps, and on the party you were leaving behind.
“So…what changed? Why did he pick today?” You surprised yourself by speaking first.
Hyunjin seemed surprised too, and he glanced at you, “Um…I don’t really know. We were working on a few songs last night…and it’s like Chan had some great epiphany”
“Oh”
There were people swimming in the Han river, some of them were skinny dipping too, and Hyunjin averted his eyes as you passed them. It was so strange to be here, and talk to him, like everything was okay. His tall frame so close to you again, and he took longer strides than you but right now he was slowing down to keep up. You made sure there was enough distance between the two of you so your arms wouldn’t accidently brush. It was funny. Months ago, you used to pray for this to happen, to be alone with him, to have a reason to talk to him, and to accidently touch him.
You tried to look for Chan and Kairi against the landscape, but they were too far so all you had was to settle for Hyunjin’s momentary glances on you. “You’re good at these” He suddenly said.
“Sorry?” You looked at him.
He looked around, making a noncommittal gesture, “Birthday parties. You planned everything, right?”
“I guess. It wasn’t all me”
“You…always outdo yourself”
You looked up at him, from the corner of your eye, “I had help. I didn’t organise it on my own”
“I know…but I’ve seen how passionate you are about these things. The food…the music…it’s all very you”
You swallowed, wondering why he was deciding to be civil all of a sudden, or maybe he’d been civil all along and you were the one creating a fucking scene, “Thank you…”
“It reminds me of the beach party, for Felix’s birthday. That one…was so good too”
“Well, at least if things don’t work out with my art, maybe I can become a party planner” You mumbled.
Hyunjin laughed. He actually laughed. It was between a giggle and a chuckle and you looked up at him in surprise. He covered his mouth with his hand, eyes wide, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to agree with you. Things will obviously work out. You’re a great artist”
You couldn’t handle seeing him like this. Eyes crinkled, a real smile. Was he not miserable without you? You looked back at your feet, arms crossed over your chest, “Yup”
“So…is he your boyfriend?”
You looked up, “Sorry?”
Hyunjin seemed nonchalant as he asked, “Nate. The boy you were dancing with” His eyebrows were knitted together, as if he actually even cared if that was your boyfriend or not.
“We’re here” You told him, choosing not to answer, pointing to a clearing in the trees, “You can see the dock right through there”
Hyunjin stepped ahead, forest leaves crunching under his feet as he did so. There was a pile of rocks and big boulders overlooking the river. Your view was being blocked by them, and you couldn’t see anything from here.
“I’m just gonna climb up and check if we can see anything from there” He told you, and before you could tell him it was a bad idea, Hyunjin jumped up, easily climbing onto a boulder. It looked so easy for him.
You stood at the bottom, trying to warm yourself. You should have brought a coverup because the wind here was so strong, and you were half-naked. From where Hyunjin stood, he must have a clear view of the entire campground, a good vantage point…for spying on people, like you were now. He could see over the bushes, and you couldn’t, so you asked him, “Can you see them?”
Hyunjin responded, eyes in the distant, “Yeah I can”
“And…? Does she look upset? Are they fighting?”
Hyunjin was silent. You couldn’t see anything from down here, and you were frustrated. “Hyunjin…?” You whisper-yelled.
“Come up. You can see for yourself” He suggested, very unhelpful.
“I’m not wearing shoes. I can’t climb up rocks”
“I’ll help you” He said, turning to face you.
You looked up at him, and his hand was extended out to you. Did you really want his help? But you wanted to see for yourself. You didn’t trust him in the moment. So, you gave in, “Okay”
You grabbed his hand, only for the support, but a bolt of lightning travelled through you, through your entire body. You felt on fire, hair on the back of your neck standing up. Your heart skipped beats, and all you were doing was touching Hyunjin’s hand. It was so warm. His palm was baby-soft, like he’d been taking good care of himself, of his skin.
You tried not to let the shivers affect you. He bent down and mumbled, “Keep your foot here, and I’ll help with the rest okay?”
You climbed up onto a ledge, with sharp rocks jutting out, “If you drop me…”
“I won’t”
“Here goes nothing” You mumbled, keeping your foot on the ledge for balance, hoping you didn’t fall and embarrass yourself. Hyunjin pulled you up, tugging at your arm. You stood head-on, face inches from his. On this tiny boulder, there was barely any space for the two of you. Hyunjin clearly hadn’t calculated for that when he asked you to join him. Because now, you were pressed to each other, and his hand was on your bare waist, gripping you tightly so you won’t fall. Fuck, you’d really put yourself in this situation willingly.
“Shit. I’m so sorry” He realised, leaving his hold on you once you’d found your balance.
You were breathing heavy. Your eyes searched his, and his gaze was so familiar. Half-lidded eyes, dark hair falling into his forehead, lips pink...and plush up close. He was so beautiful, and his body was warm.
His eyes fell to your body, noting the goosebumps on your chest, “You’re shivering”
“I’m fine”
“Take my sweater”
“Hyunjin…”
He didn’t let you finish and took off his dark woolen sweater. Inside, he was in a simple long-sleeved t-shirt that hugged him tightly. It was almost too small on him, and you could see the shape of his body through it. He handed you the warm sweater, and it was soft to the touch. You slipped it on over your bikini, and it smelled like him too.
He nodded, jutting his head towards the dock, “Um. There they are”
You turned, trying to balance on the little space you had to stand, peering through the trees.
“Can you see them?” Hyunjin asked, maintaining a sliver of distance between you, as he tried to look over your shoulder. You could see them. Kairi and Chan sat at the edge of the dock, legs hanging off into the water. They weren’t touching, but they were sitting close together. They were talking about something, passionately, because you could hear hints of their voices all the way here.
“What…are they doing? They’re just…talking”
“Yeah” Hyunjin said, a puff of cold air leaving his mouth, “I guess they had a lot to catch up on”
Your heart clenched. You knew how much she loved him. “She missed him a lot…” You admitted.
Hyunjin glanced at you, and then back at them, “Yeah? He did too…he’s been in a lot of talks with the company”
“About what?”
His expression changed at your curiosity, “It’s not important, Y/N”
You frowned, even more curious now, “Tell me, Hyunjin”
He sighed, “It was… just about ensuring her security, in case they got back together, and even if they didn’t. Tracking down and suing the people that sent her the threats”
A flicker of hope lit up in you, for them, “Wasn’t that the only reason they weren’t together? Because of Kairi’s safety?”
Hyunjin looked at you, empty, downcast eyes, “No, when I came back to the city, they’d been having a lot of…arguments, and fights. I would hear Chan on the phone with her till the morning hours, just…arguing, about anything and everything. They weren’t even angry at each other, they were just frustrated because…he could barely give her time. It sucked, kind of felt like I’m a kid listening to my parents fall apart, you know? Watching their relationship fail right in front of me. The nights they stayed up arguing, Chan would show up to practice the next morning unmotivated and unfocused. It was affecting his work a lot. He was barely able to be creative”
You watched the side of his face, as he told you the tale of how this line of work had pulled Chan and Kairi apart. “So…what’s going to change now? Won’t they just go back to fighting?”
Hyunjin shrugged, “I don’t know. Things will never change. But I’m not gonna be the one to take away his hope”
“You really think that…?”
He looked at you, gaze piercing yours, “What?”
“That things are always going to be bad, that they won’t get better?”
“I don’t think that. I know it”
Your heart dropped, offended at the negativity he possessed, “Would it kill you to be a little more positive?”
He swallowed, looking right at you, “Me being positive is not gonna bring them back together”
Now he’d given up on his own best friend’s relationship too, what chance did you stand? You glanced back at Kairi and Chan, breath hitching in your throat at the sight. His hand was on her face now, caressing her, and he had inched closer. They looked…ethereal against the river and the moon.
“It just might” You mumbled. Chan was whispering something to her now, nose brushing against hers. It was so intimate, you suddenly felt like a voyeur.
Hyunjin inhaled, realising it at the same time as you, “We…shouldn’t watch this”
“We… shouldn’t have watched any of it”
You turned, and Hyunjin had already jumped back onto the sandy terrain, and you wished you were as athletic as him. He made it look so easy. He was holding his hands out to you, “I got you”
You stared at him, and the way his hands were ready to catch you. He was wearing the same jewellery he always did, the same rings as the night he kissed you for the first time, and told you that you shouldn’t be worried because he wasn’t going anywhere. That all felt far too fabricated a lie now. Were any of those things he said true?
“I can get down on my own” You said, rejecting his offer to hold you, to touch you again.
“Are you sure?” He frowned, hands dropping to his side.
“Yup” You weren’t going to ask him for help again, so carefully, you stepped down, one foot on the ledge, trying to balance your weight out.
Hyunjin was watching carefully, and maybe it was good, because you fucking slipped. Bare feet and rock climbing was not a good mix. One second, the rock was firm underneath you, the other it was gone. A yelp escaped you, but in half a second Hyunjin had stepped forward, catching you in his grip. He had you pressed you to the rocks, grip strong around your body, “Fuck. Are you okay?”
You couldn’t even find it in you to be embarrassed, staring up at him. There was no space between your bodies, and the moonlight fell right on him and his stupidly perfect face. You tried to catch your breath, but he was crushing you to the rocks. You couldn’t even breathe. Your hair fell in front of your face, and Hyunjin’s gaze flickered over it, as if he was itching to fix it. His hands dug into the fabric of the knit sweater, fingers poking in the holes, and his other hand…lay dangerously close to your ass, resting just at the end of your bikini.
So you still could feel like this again, like you would explode from human touch. You hadn’t felt this alive in the longest time, each nerve ending firing at full capacity. This is what attraction felt like, not what you had with your date in the bar, not what you felt when you kissed your friend. Your eyes searched his, for any remorse or guilt for what he’d done to you. You found none.
"Please let go of me”
“What?”
“Let go of me, Hyunjin”
He dropped his hands from you immediately, hurt flashing through his eyes, and a part of you was happy he could still display that emotion. He’d been fauxing his emotions the entire night so well, he’d pushed them all aside, and you hated that. Why couldn’t he admit he missed you? He stepped back, apologetic, “I’m sorry. I just…wanted to make sure you were okay”
“I’m fine” You side-stepped him, walking back to the campgrounds through the trees. Hyunjin was quiet, and he followed you, a few steps behind. You knew because you could hear his breaths, and his footsteps against the crunching leaves.
After some minutes, he spoke, “Y/N…”
“I don’t want to talk to you” You were walking away from him, as fast as you could, hoping to put some distance between you.
“Y/N…you’re bleeding”
You stopped, “What?”
He stood a few steps behind, watching you, “Your leg. I think you…you cut yourself on the rock. The…branches”
You had far too much pride in the moment to even check if he was right. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t hurt” You mumbled, and began walking back towards the party again.
“It could get infected”
“Can you just stop talking, please? I can take care of myself”
“I’m sure you can. I’m just worried about you”
“Why are you even here?” You turned, walking back to him so you could be closer. Each step against the grass did hurt now. You must have cut yourself really bad, because the dirt was burning your wound, but you weren’t going to show your weakness, not right now. You were so far from the rest of the party, otherwise anybody would have been able to hear you arguing. You were thankful everybody else was distracted and having an actual good time, unlike you.
He frowned, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, why the fuck are you here? I didn’t invite you to this party. I want you to leave”
His eyes narrowed, “I’m not leaving Chan alone”
You let out a frustrated sigh, “He’s with Kairi, and they seem to be doing great without you!”
“You’re hurt…” He spoke, calm as fucking ever. Why couldn’t he just express himself, like he used to? Why was he wearing a shield?
“As if that matters to you. The damage is done. I knew it wasn’t a good idea” You were talking about the cut on your leg, but of course you fucking weren’t.
He squeezed his eyes shut, “Just please let me take a look at it. I don’t want you to get hurt”
“It’s too late for that, Hyunjin”
He reached out, grabbing your arm with more force than you expected, to pull you closer, “Y/N. Stop fighting me. I’m not letting you go without making sure you’re all right”
The authority in his voice shocked you. You’d never heard Hyunjin so determined before, so aggressive. His eyes were narrowed, and his grip on your arm was strong but not tight enough to hurt you. You swallowed, wanting to suddenly cry because you were in so much pain and he was the reason for it all, “Fine”
His grip relaxed on you, and he let out a breath as if it was hurting him too. He looked around, eyes landing on the glass house hidden between the trees, “Can you walk till there?”
“Yeah”
You only felt a little shameful, walking over to the cabin, and you hope nobody was fucking in there or anything. Hyunjin pushed open the door, stepping inside, rummaging through the drawers and cabinets.
“Everything’s empty” He mumbled, a frustrated look in his eyes.
You leaned against the doorway, arms crossed, “Yeah. It’s a vacation rental, so there’s not gonna be any personal belongings. Maybe you could check in the bedroom”
He sighed, walking through the open doorway into the bedroom. The house was so…modern, and fancy, with large glass windows that faced the river. You could imagine how nice it’d be to spend the night here. There was an open four-claw white bathtub, and clearly this room was designed for sex. Why else would there be a tub in here? Hyunjin seemed impatient as he opened every cupboard, pulling open the drawers with gold knobs.
“Found anything?”
He shook his head, “No…just condoms”
“Oh…”
“And a bottle of…lube” He chuckled, turning to look at you, arms crossed as he leaned against the dresser, “Yeah. nice planning. There’s no first aid kits, anywhere?”
“I don’t know” You sighed, “I wasn’t exactly planning on climbing up rocks”
Hyunjin ran a hand through his hair, “Right. Can you sit down?”
The bedsheets were nicely made, you didn’t want to ruin it but you were in pain now. You sat at the edge of it, hands in your lap. You had on Hyunjin’s sweater on top, but under that…you were still just in your bikini, legs bare. He knelt down on the floor, lifting your leg up in his hands. A wave of deja vu overwhelmed you. This position… reminded you of Felix’s birthday party. Almost the exact same thing had happened, when San had broken a beer bottle and Hyunjin had been worried about you. You stayed quiet, letting him probe around. The cut was near your Achilles heel, which explained why it hurt so much. Tenderly, he touched the skin around it, “Does this hurt?”
You nodded, biting your lip, “Yeah. It hurts.”
He sighed, looking up at you, intense gaze, “It’s…not that deep a cut, but…you shouldn’t go in the river or anything. It could get infected”
“So I’ll be fine? We’re done here?”
He let go of your leg so you could put it down, “Yeah”
Clearing his throat, he got up to walk to the door.
You stared after him, “You’re leaving?”
“There’s a store a few miles from here. I’ll get you a bandaid”
“What? You’re gonna drive all the way for that. That’s stupid. It’s…an hour away”
“Then it’s a good thing I’m not asking for your permission, is it?” He mumbled, pushing the door to walk back outside the house.
“Hyunjin” You groaned, getting up to follow him, “Wait! What are you doing?”
He threw his hands up, voice high, “I don’t know. What the hell do you want me to do?”
As if this was your fault, “Well, maybe don’t come to a party you’re not invited to. That would be a great start”
His voice shot up higher, “I’m sorry I fucked up, okay? I came here for Chan. I had no fucking idea you’d be here! I didn’t even know you knew Kairi, so how could I have guessed you’d be at her birthday party, Y/N?”
You swallowed, knowing he was right, frustrated tears rising up, “So you wouldn’t have come…if you knew I was here? I was right?”
He sighed, each word said so powerfully it cut through you, “Yes. It would have changed everything! I obviously would have preferred to stay home rather than watch you make out with your new boyfriend right in front of me!”
Your eyes widened, and it seemed like he instantly regret what he said.
He squeezed his eyes shut, “I’m sorry. I didn’t…mean to yell”
Hurried footsteps distracted you, and you turned to see Kairi walking up to you, confused gaze, “Hey. Why are you all the way here?”
“Kairi. Are you okay?” You asked, immediately embracing her, “I was looking for you earlier”
She nodded, “I am. I am. I just I got to talking with Chan, and we didn’t realise how much time had passed. I’m so sorry, oh my god. Does everybody hate me for abandoning my own party?”
You shook your head, pulling back to look at her, and you were happy to see that there were no tears, “No, no, they’re all having a good time. That doesn’t matter anyway, are you okay right now? Do you feel…okay?”
She nodded, “I am. Chan and me…we talked about a lot of shit. I’ll tell you everything”
“Where is he?” Hyunjin asked.
Kairi’s eyes widened at him, “Hwang fucking Hyunjin! What did I do to deserve the honor of you showing up to my party?”
He smiled at her, and it’s like his mood had changed instantly around her, “Happy birthday, Kairi”
She jumped into his arms, tackling him in a hug, “I missed you dumbass” He hugged her back, warmly, burying his head in her shoulder, “I missed you too, Kairi”
She pushed his hair out of his face, hands resting on his cheekbones, “You look fucking hot, Jinnie. It’s been a while”
His eyes sparkled at her, cheeks flushing, “I hope you’ve been taking care of yourself too”
Why couldn’t you be the one to get a reunion so warm? It was your fault for being bitter anyway, and for trying to start a fight with Hyunjin. You don’t even know what you were trying to do.
“I see you two have been reunited” Chan laughed, walking over to you. He glanced at you, a sheepish smile on his face, “I’m sorry about earlier, Y/N…”
“It’s okay…” You told him, “I get it. You really needed to see her”
He nodded, looking around the grounds, “So did I completely ruin the party?”
“No” Kairi shook her head, “I think most of them are too drunk to even notice I’m gone. Although…Y/N might be a little sad” She pouted at you, “You planned everything. I’m sorry it didn’t go accordingly”
You felt conscious, feeling all their eyes on you, “No, I only did it for you. If you’re happy…that’s enough for me”
Chan nodded, glancing at his wristwatch, “Fuck. It’s getting really late. We have a flight in the morning. Should we drop you guys home?”
They had a flight? To where? You shook your head to answer him, “No, that’s okay. I’m…going with Jeonghan”
Kairi giggled at his mention, “Your boy was passed the fuck out a few minutes ago. I think he drank too much. Eric said they’re gonna drive back in the morning, when they’re all sobered up. Do you wanna wait till then?”
It was almost three am, and you don’t think you could wait till dawn, “Oh…no I’ll just take a taxi home. I have class at eleven”
“A taxi from here to the city? Of course not. That’s not safe” She frowned. You forced a smile at Kairi, “Um. I’ll just take it in the morning then”
“That’s a terrible idea” Hyunjin mumbled.
“Just come with us?” Chan offered, and his voice was so sweet it was hard to say no, but they’d all known each other for years, and you’d feel too awkward riding with them, “I’m just…gonna go check with Nate, if that’s cool”
Chan nodded, casually, “Ah. We’ll be in the parking lot. Look for the black car”
You nodded, “Got it. Thanks Chan”
You glanced at Hyunjin, and he was already looking at you, arms crossed in front of his chest. He averted his gaze as soon as you caught him.
Back at the bonfire, Jeonghan was sitting in a beach chair, talking to a group of strangers. They must be locals who had rented some cabins. His face lit up when he saw you walk to him, “Where’d you get that sweater? Is there a mall here I don’t know about?”
“It’s just my friends” You told him, not in the mood to joke, bending down to be level at him, “Kairi said you passed out. Are you okay?”
He nodded, smiling, “I’m fine, Y/N. I just found out that these people went to the same high school as me, in LA. Isn’t that crazy?”
You glanced over, at some locals who were sat in a circle. The set-up seemed cozy, there was cider and hotdogs that lay between them, “Oh wow. It’s a small world” You told him, “Um, I came here to ask…Kairi was headed home, and she asked if I wanna come with. But I said I’ll stay with you, make sure you’re okay and everything”
Jeonghan’s lips tugged up into a smile, “Y/N. I’m more than okay. You seem tired, on the other hand. Maybe you should let Kairi take you home? I think I’ll chat here with them for an hour or so”
You nodded, biting your lip, “Are you sure? I don’t want to leave you here alone”
He rolled his eyes, “Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?”
You swallowed, “I’m just being a good friend, Nate”
He leaned ahead, pinching your cheek, “I know and so am I. Please, just get some sleep. You seem exhausted”
You sighed, dread filling you. This meant you’d have to ride with Hyunjin. “All right. I’ll…see you in class on Monday then?”
You got up, to leave but he tugged at your arm, voice dropping, “The boy from earlier. Was that…the guy we saw in the elevator…at Pegasus?”
You looked around, but nobody was listening, so you nodded, “Yeah. That was him”
Understanding settled in his features, “He was…looking at you the entire time he was here. When we were dancing…drinking. He...didn’t look away from you for a second”
“You saw that?”
“Mmh. Is that…the same guy you wanted to…Eternal Sunshine out of your mind?”
You smiled, the movie reference catching you off guard, “Yeah, but um, don’t tell anyone, please”
He grinned, imitating a zip over his mouth, “My lips are sealed”
»»————-
There was a black car in the parking lot. You found your shoes, and your jeans, abandoned by the check-in area at the campground, slipped them on and walked over to the car. The three of them stood there, and the trunk was open. Chan sat in the back, leg pulled up, sipping beer and Kairi was snuggled up to him. It was chilly out here. Hyunjin…stood across them, hands on his waist and they were laughing about something. He seemed so carefree when you weren’t there. His eyes were crinkled, and his laughter echoed in the open night.
His sweater on you was warm, and you felt shy and awkward as you made your way to them, “Hey”
Kairi’s eyes lit up, “Y/N! Nate isn’t coming?”
“He…said he wanted to stay a bit”
“Perfect. We were waiting for you, so we could cut the cake” Chan smiled.
“What?” You laughed, noticing the little bento cake sat neatly in the back of the trunk, “Here? Just...the four of us?”
“Mmh” Kairi nodded, “My favorite people ever. It’s perfect”
Your heart warmed, and nothing had gone to plan, but it wasn’t up to you, “Sure... Why not?”
She jumped up, standing next to you on the concrete as Chan opened the box carefully. He dug into his pockets for a lighter, and lit the candles. It was…definitely not the way you’d envisioned tonight, but this was about Kairi, and in a way…this was perfect.
Under the moonlight, in the empty parking lot, the glow of the candles was bright. Kairi leaned in, closing her eyes to make a wish, and then blew hard on the candles. Chan laughed loudly, singing a bad rendition of Happy Birthday, and you smiled at the sight.
It was strange how they found solace in each other, in an abandoned lot miles away from the nearest city. The celebration was small, much smaller than you’d planned…but it still felt complete. You hugged Kairi, arms tight around her, and she hugged Hyunjin after you. You wonder if your scent lingered on him, through her. He said something to make her laugh, and she teased him by smearing frosting on his cheek. Hyunjin gasped, dramatically, dipping his finger right into the cake.
“No, no, no!” Kairi laughed, hiding behind Chan. Chan rolled his eyes, “Jinnie. You’re not putting cake on her”
Hyunjin rolled his eyes, laughing, “Relax…” Although clearly he’d been planning to do just that. Instead of putting it on her face, he licked his finger, tongue swirling around it.
Kairi got on her toes, pulling Chan in for a hug. You still don’t know what they talked about that made them so happy again, but you would have to be patient and she would tell you everything. For a few seconds, they just held each other, indulging in and enjoying each other’s embrace Your gaze drifted to Hyunjin. There was a small smile on his face, and shamelessly he watched them. You remember how much he loved Chan and Kairi. They were…the world to him. So… he must be the happiest right now.
Your own smile fell though, the longer you looked at Hyunjin. He must be cold, but he’d given you his sweater…it wasn’t much but it was everything right now. He made you crave him always, even when you were supposed to be so angry at him. The adoration in his eyes, the softness in his gaze…it used to be yours. He used to look at you like that, and you still didn’t understand what changed.
What happened to make him change towards you so drastically? Why didn’t he want you anymore? After the way you’d acted tonight, showing your immature, petty and vengeful side, he probably wouldn’t want to even…associate with you anymore. A wave of sadness hit you. Had your anger ruined any chance you had with him tonight?
But…why wouldn’t you be angry at him? You had every right. Or maybe…he’d just think of you as the bitchy ex-girlfriend for the rest of his life. You were an anecdote to tell his future lovers, a girl to mention in passing, someone he had a fling with one summer. To you, he was the entire world…but he’d never reciprocate the feeling. You’d ruined everything, because of your sadness. Tears shot up to your eyes, and you looked away.
You wish you never met Hyunjin. Your own thought killed you.
“Come on. We should get going, if we hope to make it to Seoul by dawn” Chan said, pulling away, hoarse voice.
“You’re not driving are you?” Kairi asked him, “There’s a lot I wanna talk to you about”
“She means she wants to get drunk with you in the backseat” Hyunjin laughed.
“Same difference” Kairi shrugged, and then turned to you, “You don’t mind riding shotgun, right? Hyunjin’s a good driver”
How did you end up in this situation anyway? You'd already told Kairi that you had no problem with Hyunjin. You'd already caused so much trouble tonight.
“Yeah. I don’t mind” You mumbled. Chan closed the trunk, after making sure the cake was secure, and you walked to the front. You didn’t even know they had their own cars. You’d always assumed their managers drove for them, but their company probably had no idea they were even here.
Huh. Hyunjin broke the rules for Chan. Just not for you.
You settled into the passenger seat, and Hyunjin sat next to you.
“Jinnie, you’re gonna have to adjust the seat for yourself” Chan told him, as he and Kairi settled comfortably in the backseat.
“Ah. The sins of being tall” Kairi joked. In the rear view mirror, you saw them immediately snuggle together, and Chan wrapped an arm around her, like they couldn’t bear to be apart. Must be nice. You were jittery, and anxious again, having Hyunjin in such close proximity to you. You rest your hand on the console, trying to not look at his side profile, trying to not think of how you were in his sweater over your wet swimsuit.
Chan moved ahead, hand landing on the back of your seat, “So, Y/N. Tell me more. Now that you’re finally here, I’d love to hear about you”
You bit your lip, “I’m sure you already know everything there is to know about me…”
A warm sensation made you jump, and you realised Hyunjin had accidentally placed his hand on top of yours, on the console between you.
“Sorry” He apologised, pulling his hand back.
“Um. It’s fine” You put your hands in your lap. You’d forgotten how warm and comforting his hand was. You wanted to hold it again, for the rest of the ride. Glancing in the rearview, Chan was saying something to Kairi, her face held in his big hands as he looked at her with so much love in his eyes. Perhaps this is why their car had blacked out windows.
“So…how long will it take us to get home, Jinnie?” He asked.
Hyunjin glanced at the GPS, that was above the console, “Says about three hours”
“Fuck. I’m definitely gonna fall asleep” Kairi laughed, and Chan nodded, “Me too”
Hyunjin reached into the glove compartment, taking out a pair of thin silver-rimmed glasses. He put them on, and you’d never seen him wear these before so these must be anti-glare, for the drive. Regardless…he looked suddenly ten times hotter than before, and you looked away. You would blame the alcohol for how attracted you felt to him in this moment.
“What are you waiting for, Jinnie?” Kairi asked him.
“Um. Car won’t start until everyone has their seatbelts in”
He glanced at you, and before you could even think, he had leaned over to your side, pulling your belt out of the hook. Your breath stopped as his face hovered over yours but his gaze was focused on the strap as he pulled it towards him. He clicked it in place for you, crossing the strap over your chest, and waist, then he asked you, voice low and hoarse, “That comfortable?”
Just for a second, he looked up at you, eyes meeting yours. His strong scent infiltrated you. You had no words to say. He was so close, and you just nodded, hoping that would be enough.
“We’re good now” He spoke, leaning back into his own seat, and started the car. There was absolutely no fucking need for him to be doing that for you. You knew how to put a seatbelt on, but now you wished he was always there to do it for you.
Your chest was pounding embarrassingly loud. You think everybody could hear it. You glanced at him, and his hands rested on the wheel, and he looked so fucking attractive. The thin glasses rested on his nose, and he licked his lips, turning around, one hand on the wheel, other on the back of your seat so he could reverse the car out of its parking lot. God, you wish you never met him but you wanted to jump over the console into his lap, and kiss him for the rest of your life.
Hyunjin cleared his throat, and looked at you before turning to face the road again. His gaze dropped to your body for a second, to his sweater hugging you tightly. You weren’t talking to each other, but… your gaze mirrored his, you’re sure. You stared at his face illuminated in the moonlight, darkened look in his eyes. So, he couldn't love you, but you still had an effect on him, and it made you feel proud. Anybody in the world would be able to tell what you wanted to do to each other. Even right now, when you hated him more than anything. Even when he’d broken your heart and made no attempt to patch it back up.
You both said nothing, as he focused on the road, pulling out of the campgrounds to catch the highway. The silence was enough. You’d been in this car for just a few minutes, and you were already dying, air thick with tension.
There were three long hours to Seoul, on a dark highway through the woods, with only the moonlight to guide you, and Hyunjin was inches from you.
You had no idea how you’d make it there, without completely ruining each other.
»»————-
masterlist ⇒
please let me know if you liked the chapter, or any thoughts on this part! thank you :)
genre: angst, smut, social media au (with written parts), college au, enemies to lovers
wc: 7.0k
summary: An aspiring journalist, you are the news editor for The Uni Chronicles; the campus newspaper, popular for delivering breaking news at the drop of a hat and providing detailed articles about the various happenings around your university. You think you’ve covered every story there was to cover before you’re tasked with producing an in-depth editorial on a student whose name is on everyone’s lips—Hwang Hyunjin.
masterlist
“And then he blocked me.”
The table erupts in scoffs and theatrical eye rolls—mostly coming from Jisung’s side—at the conclusion of your story. You silently lower your head to take a sip from your milkshake as your friends mull over the recent events in your love life that you’ve just shared. Creamy notes of strawberry and banana coat your tongue, normally delivering instant doses of serotonin to your system, but today taste dull and chalky. Much like your mood has been since your last interaction with Hyunjin.
Could you even call it that? It was hardly an interaction at all. He refused to hear you out and then went as far as to prevent you from saying another word to him. After all these months of avoiding the topic and never truly expressing your thoughts—now you couldn’t tell him how you feel even if you wanted to. You start to think that you’ve been cursed somehow. Doomed to never acquire the love you so desired, not even after you’ve found it at last.
The worst part was the fact that you never had a chance to say everything you’ve been holding in. Rejection would be better than this. That’s why you can’t seem to let it go. Not until you’ve gotten everything off your chest. You couldn’t walk away without at least letting him know how you feel. Then, if he still decides that he doesn’t want you, you can leave free of any regrets.
Jisung heaves a heavy sigh, crossing his arms and slouching against the diner booth—every aspect of his body language conveying his disdain for your situation. Communicating to you a frustrated “I told you so,” without having to say it. You pay him no mind, too lost in your thoughts to realize that you’ve been sucking at nothing for the past few minutes, a strawberry chunk lodged in your straw.
It wasn’t until Felix rubs your arm, opting for a more sympathetic response to your predicament, that you snap out of your daze. You lift your gaze, studying your friends’ expressions from around the table.
Jisung has on his characteristically exaggerated pout—cheeks puffed with irritation. Jeongin sits next to him, across from you with a concerned frown. To your right sat Nari, resting her cheek on her hand, sporting a visible frown as well while she lovingly strokes your hair, seemingly deep in thought. She almost looks confused after hearing your story.
Felix appears to be the most struck by your words—eyes glistening with worry as he strokes your arm, trying his best to comfort you and expressing his concern in the only way he knows how.
“I’m so sorry all of that happened to you, Y/N. I wish you told us sooner. You know I would’ve baked you a whole batch of your favorite brownies right away.” Felix earnestly tells you.
“Thank you, Lix. Your brownies always make me feel better.” You grin.
“They’re coming right up! I’ll bring them over tomorrow morning!” His smile is the sun itself, bringing a touch of warmth to your face just seeing it.
“Well, if it’s any consolation, it sounds like the worst is over.” Jeongin was always the type to give practical advice as a means to offer comfort. “The tournament is at the end of the week, which means the editorial will be published right after, and then you won’t have to deal with any more Hyunjin drama!”
You wince at his last words. No more Hyunjin. The end of the editorial marks the end of any professional obligations you have to see him. What will be your excuse now that the project is over? You had none. Other than the fact that you’re in love with him. That seeing him has been the highlight of your weeks together, and without him your days will be spent aimlessly, the spark he brought into your life, gone.
Jisung is still busy grumbling to himself in his corner, but notices the subtle fall in your mood at the mention of Hyunjin. He drops his sulking and leans towards you, catching your eyes and flashing you a soft grin. This is why you’ve been such great friends for so long. Despite his devilish antics and infallible ability to drive you up a wall, he can read you in an instant and know immediately what you need from him. Right now, you needed comfort from your best friend.
“Hyunjin’s a complete asswipe for blocking you.” He can’t help it, the contempt that Jisung has for this guy knows no bounds, even if he’s the one you’ve chosen to fall for. But Jisung sees how upset you are, and knowing that, of course he’ll support you. Even if the guy is an asswipe. “But if things are meant to be, he’ll come around. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. It always does. So don’t stress about it too much.”
“I gotta agree with Ji on this one.” Nari chimes in. “It doesn’t sit right with me that he just cut things off there, but if it’s bothering you this much, just imagine how much it’s bothering him.”
“That’s true. I mean, the man did call an Uber from across town just to see you in the middle of the night.” Jeongin adds. “It must be killing him to not talk to you.”
“Well, not as much as it probably killed him to see you with Taeyong.” Jisung blurts before clasping his mouth with his hands as Nari shoots him a sharp glare.
You release a strained sigh. “God if I had known he’d show up, I never would’ve had Tae over.” You bury your head in your arms and slump over the table.
Felix continues rubbing your shoulder, gently massaging in love with every pat. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, Y/N. It’s not your fault.”
“I just wish he’d hear me out for one minute. One minute! Then he can be free to block me again and never talk to me for the rest of his life. I hate that I didn’t have the chance to say what I wanted to say.” You mumble into the sleeves of your sweater.
“You’ve never been the type to fall short of words. Especially with Hyunjin.” Jeongin points out. “I can see how that’s frustrating.”
Without lifting your head, you nod in agreement.
“Who says you can’t still tell him everything?” Nari questions. “It’s not like he can avoid you forever. We all attend the same university, you’re bound to run into each other at some point.”
“You’re literally gonna be at the soccer game this weekend. Don’t you have to report on the final scores?” Jisung asks. “God, I’m tired of seeing you mope over this guy. Why don’t you just confront him at the tournament?”
You raise your head just enough to reveal your eyes, delivering an annoyed squint to Jisung. “This game is important, I’m not gonna jeopardize the team by bringing up my relationship drama.”
“Then confront him afterwards. I don’t care! Just do something before we all lose our minds!” Jisung huffs.
Nari places a reassuring hand on your back. “Listen, what I think Ji is trying to say is—we all see how much this is affecting you, and we’re concerned. We care about you, so we want you to get the closure you need. The longer you let this sit, the more it’s gonna eat away at you. Take advantage of this event that you know Hyunjin will be at and get it all off your chest. You might regret it if you don’t.”
You finally sit up in your seat and face your friends again. “I’m sorry for worrying you guys with all my problems. I’ll do my best to take care of it.” You mumble, guilty for making them listen to your sulking. “Thanks for always supporting me.”
Felix drowns you in a hug. “We’ll support you no matter what, Y/N. You should know that by now.”
“Yeah—see? That’s what I was trying to say!” Jisung shoots you a cheeky grin.
“You survived your year-long, unrequited love tragedy with Seungmin. I’m sure you can handle this.” Jeongin quips.
“My girl can handle anything.” Nari confidently declares. “And anything she can’t handle—she’s got me for!”
Hearing your friends’ encouragement brings a smile to your face. Their loving words and cheering remarks fill you with warmth that you’d been missing lately, refreshing your spirit once again. They were right. You should still try to talk to Hyunjin when you get the chance. Holding it in won’t do you any good. Even if you are annoyed that he blocked you.
The chatter around your meal turns more upbeat as the topic of conversation switches to Felix’s recent photography project on “animals in action,” involving an alarming encounter with a feral squirrel. You join in on the lively discussion and finish your plate, full with the comfort that only spending time with your friends can bring you.
The crew departs from the diner after the meal is over, each attending to their next schedule of the day. Felix and Jeongin leave to go to their classes while you and Jisung wait for Nari to get picked up for a date. Changbin shortly pulls up to the driveway of the diner and exits his car to greet you all.
“Hey Jisung! Hey Y/N!” He all but yells from the steering wheel before hopping out to embrace his beloved Nari. “How was lunch?”
He pulls Jisung in for a rough hug, which Jisung returns with an enthusiastic pat on the back. The two boys smile at each other widely and loudly go on about who knows what. Changbin and Jisung got along extremely well and quickly, which wasn’t surprising, given that they’re the two most boisterous and energetic boys on campus. You often tease Nari that Jisung will steal her man one day.
Changbin turns to you and gives you an equally rough hug, the air abruptly leaving your body as he squeezes you tight. “How have you been Y/N?”
“Not bad.” You meagerly respond.
Changbin picks up on the lack of energy in your answer. He has an idea of what might be bothering you.
“Hyunjin’s just, really focused on the tournament right now, you know?”
The mention of Hyunjin’s name shocks you a bit. You hadn’t mentioned anything about him to his friend, but Changbin seems to know what’s been plaguing your mind anyway.
“Right. I know.” You mumble.
“I told him he’s being a big doofus, but he’s set on prepping for the game.” Changbin rests a hand on your shoulder. “It’s all temporary though, I’m confident that things will go back to normal soon.”
You nod and give him a faint smile, appreciative of him for trying to comfort you, but also eager to end this conversation. He and Nari bid their goodbyes and drive away, leaving you and Jisung as the last diner patrons remaining.
Leisurely, you walk towards the dorms. Jisung kicks a few pebbles on the path while you silently tread beside him, trying your best to avoid stepping on cracks in the ground. This might be a new record for the longest time Jisung has been quiet, you think to yourself. But soon enough, you are halted to a stop when he blocks your path, arms crossed as he faces you.
“Y/N. We have got to get you out of this mood!” He huffs. “When’s the last time you were silent on a walk with me? Never! I swear, I’d even prefer you rambling about how much you love Hyunjin at this point.”
“Shut up Ji, I’m not in a mood.” You grumble. “What’s so wrong about having a nice, peaceful walk home?”
“What’s wrong is that I can tell your mind is going a hundred miles a minute, but you’re not saying anything.” He frowns. “I’m just worried about you.”
Your expression softens at his sincere concern. “I know Ji, I’m sorry. How about we have an anime marathon tonight? I know you’ve been wanting to watch that new series and it’ll help me get my mind off things.”
“I’m down!” He shouts. “You got popcorn at home?”
“Of course I do.”
“Sweet!” He grins, his temperament vastly different from only a few seconds ago.
Oh how simple it is to make Jisung happy. You wish you could attain happiness that easily, but instead you were born with an innate sense of dread and a predisposition to overthink. At least seeing your cheerful friend hopping home in bliss rubbed a little bit of joy off on you.
Jisung pauses again in the middle of the street, turning to you once more. In an unexpected gesture, he gives you a hug. It’s not one of those fleeting side hugs that you give to people you’re not entirely comfortable with, but a lingering one, a secure hug that freezes time just for a moment.
“Everything’s gonna be okay.” He mumbles in your ear. “Okay?”
His sudden show of affection nearly brings you to tears. How lucky were you to have a friend who truly cares about you. Obnoxious and mischievous as he might be.
“I know, Ji.” You respond. “Thank you.”
He releases you from the hug and continues to skip on home as if nothing happened. You chuckle at his swift ability to change his demeanor.
You catch up to him and link your arm in his, skipping together like the school children you once were.
“I love you, Ji.” You laugh after almost tripping on a rock.
“Yeah, love you too.” He coughs under his breath.
Jisung always hated showing affection, but you knew it was there. He preferred to convey his care by lightly bullying you or cracking jokes at your expense. All out of love, of course.
Knowing you had him and all of your other close friends in your life, caring for you just as much as you for them, gave you a sense of peace and content. So, despite the tragic condition of your love life, things will be okay.
Wake up. Work out. Attend class. Go to practice. Sleep.
This was Hyunjin’s daily routine for the past week. A routine that would whip him into prime shape for the tournament. He hardly had time to think and quite frankly, he wanted it that way. The only thing that should be on his mind is soccer. His team is counting on him after all. The whole university is counting on him.
The pressure he is under is enough to make a man go insane, yet this was preferable to thinking about you. Somehow, even with the weight of the tournament on his shoulders, passing thoughts of you still manage to drive him crazy. His head has been a mess and his heart no better since your last encounter.
Images of you in his arms, what he imagines to be the closest thing to heaven on earth, continue to replay in his mind. Only to be tainted by an unwelcome guest, barging in unannounced, completely destroying his fantasies. Hyunjin has broken his bones before, torn ligaments, and scraped skin—but nothing came close to the pain he felt that night.
It was so unbearable that he left. He fled the scene and hasn’t spoken to you since. He knows this is cowardly—running away from his issues as he always does. But right now, he’s hurt and he fears that seeing you will only reopen a wound that hasn’t yet healed. He’s not ready to face you. Not yet.
Not to mention that this is the most important time of the year for the team. Hyunjin still can’t believe that his focus is being ruined by girl problems of all things. He’s never experienced problems with girls in his life. Not once. Though, he’s also never fallen in love with one before.
Hyunjin is suffering and as a result, so is his game. He’s missing shots during practice, tripping over the ball and even getting outplayed by the freshmen. Chan notices him struggling and pulls him aside after practice.
“What’s going on Jin?” He plainly asks.
“Um.” Hyunjin clears his throat and straightens his posture, trying to think up an excuse. “I think the pressure of the tournament is getting to me a bit.”
“You’ve never been one to be shy of the spotlight though.” Chan points out. “You sure it’s just the tournament that’s got you stressed?”
“Yeah.” Hyunjin quickly answers. “I’ll get over it though. Sorry I was off my game today.”
“Hyunjin.” Chan sternly looks him in the eye. “I’m your captain but also your friend. If there’s anything bothering you, I’m here to listen.”
Hyunjin could tell him the truth. The truth that you have been haunting him for days now. That not a minute goes by when he’s not thinking about you. And every time he does, he’s hit with a pang to his chest once he remembers that you’re not his.
“I know. Thanks Chan, but it’s really nothing.” Hyunjin opts to withhold the truth. What good would telling Chan do anyway? Telling him won’t fix Hyunjin’s game. It won’t change the fact that you probably hate him for blocking you out. It won’t fix things between you. He’ll just have to suck it up and force himself to focus.
With a disappointed sigh, Chan accepts Hyunjin’s response. The players pack up their things and start heading home. Only two more days until the big game, Hyunjin thinks to himself. Block everything out for just two more days. Don’t think about her until the tournament’s finished. But even as he attempts to void all thoughts about you, he can’t stop worrying about one thing. Will you still be there when it’s over?
Nari is seated at the edge of the bed while you style her hair into loose braids, securing the ends with ribbons to match the soccer team’s colors. Once finished, she turns around to give you a glimpse at her entire outfit—black biker shorts hiding under an oversized jersey with Changbin’s number on the back.
You think she looks absolutely adorable in her sporty getup. She’s dressed like the ultimate athlete’s girlfriend. A year ago though, Nari wouldn’t have been caught dead looking like this. She hated cheesy couple shit and was always adamantly against traditional girlfriend behaviors, making it clear that she refused to be seen as some sort of trophy on a guy’s arm.
But ever since she started dating Changbin, she’s softened significantly, even indulging in some cliché couple activities every now and then. You’re happy she has warmed up to it more. It doesn’t change the fact that she’s still the same strong willed Nari, just a little more affable. Her happiness shines when she’s with Changbin. It’s clear that a side of her has been unlocked by him, exposing all the best parts of her when he’s around. They compliment each other so well and you can’t help be feel envious.
You would’ve loved to wear Hyunjin’s number on your back. Number “01.” Of course he somehow chose the cockiest number out there. You wouldn’t mind though. You loved watching him in his element during the game. His skill and focus was always so attractive. You’d feel proud to hear the crowd cheer for him. And you’d be the first to run out onto the field once the game was over and the team celebrates their victory. You’d run straight into his arms and kiss him as he swings you in circles for everyone to see.
God, you need to stop daydreaming. All it does is leave you feeling disappointed. But keeping your mind off of Hyunjin was nearly impossible, since you had an editorial to finish. How could you not get lost in fond thoughts of him while you wrote about his achievements, detailing all the facets of his personality that you cherish so much, even the ones you hated at first, but learned to love. Despite how upset you are at him, writing about him only pulled you deeper in love, reminding you of everything about him. Everything you miss so much.
You met him in the winter. Your first encounter as harsh as the frosty air. But come spring, your relationship began to bloom. You were unaware of just how many buds were planted below the surface until they all blossomed at once, and before you knew it, you had yourself a whole garden. But you weren’t prepared. You’ve never cultivated such robust emotion before. You didn’t know how to keep it alive. And now it seems that summer may never come.
You’ll try your best though, you promised yourself that. Even if you didn’t have a perfect plan, you’ll do your best to salvage this relationship.
But first, you had a job to finish. The tournament is today. Will Hyunjin lead the soccer team to victory, securing your university’s spot in nationals for the first time in history? Or will this be a huge upset to fans all across campus, potentially losing the team its much needed funding? Whatever the result is—you’ll be there to report on it first-hand. Because that’s what a good journalist does. So that’s what you’ll do.
You enter the packed stadium holding onto Nari’s hand as she weaves through the crowd to find your seats. Fortunately for you, Changbin saved you and Nari great seats right next to the field, granting you a highly coveted unobstructed view. Unfortunately for you, it was a journey just to get to them. The entire venue is filled with people, buzzing with fervor as the crowds anticipate the decisive game to come, fierce rivalry toward the opposing side coursing through their veins.
Spectators paint the bleachers with your university’s colors, waving banners and shouting cheers, the energy in the air amplifying as the game approaches. Just as you find your seats, the stadium erupts in a deafening roar. You stand up to catch a glimpse of what had caused the ruckus. Below, you spot the two teams emerging from the locker rooms beneath the bleachers, meeting in the center of the field. The game is about to begin.
A quick coin toss determines that your team will start the kickoff. After a formal handshake between the team captains, all players disperse and take their starting positions. The entire stadium goes silent.
At the blow of a whistle, the game comes to life. Hyunjin takes off running, his blond hair darting across the field. Minho dribbles the ball adjacent to him, both players forging their paths towards the goal. Blocked by the opponents’ defense line, the ball is passed over to Hyunjin. He takes it with ease, skillfully weaving through the remaining players until it’s just him and the goalie left.
The crowd screams for him to “SHOOT! SHOOT!” He positions himself behind the ball, firmly planting his foot and delivering a powerful kick. The ball soars towards the top right pocket of the goal as the goalie jumps to save it. A moment of silence takes over the stadium as all eyes watch the ball shoot past the goalie’s hands and straight into the net.
“GOAALL!” The announcer yells into the mic and cries of joy explode all around you.
The energy is infectious. Hyunjin scored the first goal, filling you with immense pride. You can’t help but join in the cheer.
Your team is off to a great start, taking an early lead in the game. A second kickoff begins and the match continues, your eyes following Hyunjin’s figure the entire time. You start to really get into the game, the atmosphere heightening your excitement as you watch. When the ball is passed to Hyunjin again, your thrill overtakes you.
“HYUNJIN!” You scream, cheering him on.
Hundreds of fans were screaming along with you, there was no chance he’d actually hear your voice.
But he did.
Hyunjin snaps his head in the direction of the sound and momentarily locks eyes with you. It was only a second. One second of his mind scattering to pieces and his entire body paralyzed. One second turned out to be enough to overthrow his focus and allow the opposing team to steal the ball.
“Hyunjin, what was that?” Chan yells as he sprints past him, still stuck in his spot.
Hyunjin huffs a deep breath, tightens the mini ponytail atop his head and resumes his attention to the game. Or at least he tries to. His plays become messy and careless. His concentration was fucked. All because of you. One look at you was enough to destroy the mental focus he spent days preparing for this game.
You, in your oversized jacket. Its baggy sleeves drooping off your shoulders, framing you perfectly. You, with your hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. Your features on display in their effortless beauty and entirety. Your cheeks flushed from yelling too hard. Yelling his name.
It was all because of you.
Soon, the opposing team scored a goal. Then another. The tides had quickly turned and anxiousness for your team’s fate could be felt throughout the crowd. Thankfully, halftime was called and the players broke away to their respective locker rooms to regroup with their teams.
Chan sits everyone down for a team meeting. “Boys. What happened out there? We started off great but now we’re falling behind. We need to get our heads in the game. Do I need to remind you that our spot in nationals is on the line?”
Tired and defeated eyes avoid his glare. Only labored breaths can be heard in the locker room as the players rest their weary limbs on the cold concrete floor.
“Hyunjin. You told me you’d get it together for this tournament. What’s up with you? I know you can play better than that. I’ve seen you play better.”
“I promise, cap.” Hyunjin pants. “I’m gonna get it together. I’ll get the goals back.”
Chan gives him a stern nod and leaves the players to cool down before the game resumes. Chan’s frustrated, Hyunjin can tell, and he doesn’t blame him. He’s frustrated too, furious with himself. Hyunjin is the striker after all, the momentum of the whole team depends on his performance. He’s played better against tougher teams, there’s no excuse. He has to turn this around, pronto.
After their fifteen minutes are up, the teams re-enter the field. Hyunjin takes his position, his pulse racing and eyes fixed steady on the ball. The whistle blows and the players spring into action. Minho manages to steal the ball, dribbling it up the line towards the goal. Hyunjin finds an open spot to receive the pass, waving at him to send it over. Minho kicks a perfect pass, landing it right at Hyunjin’s feet. Hyunjin takes a wide swing at the ball—but he misses.
Disappointed groans can be heard from the crowd, met with elated cheers from the opposing side. Hyunjin’s temper blows up, he drops to his knees and pounds on the floor in frustration, spewing curses in the process. The referee gives him a warning, cautioning him to watch his language, to which he replies with a glare.
Hyunjin is fed up at this point, and needs a breather to calm his nerves. He motions for his coach to send in a substitute and storms off alone to the locker rooms. Murmurs of confusion and shock fill the crowd as they witness the star player of the team exit the field. How are they going to make it to nationals without him?
You felt nervous watching Hyunjin leave in a rage. He was never good at controlling his emotions, but he needed to regain his composure if there was any chance of returning to the game. You know how hard he can be on himself, and it kills you to think that this might cost him the tournament. He’d never be able to live with the guilt if he lets his team down. And you can’t let that happen to him.
“I’m going to him.” You tell Nari.
Before she can attempt to talk some sense into you and stop you from leaving—you’re gone. Snaking through the crowd, you rush under the bleachers and follow him to the locker rooms. Once you enter, you find him facing the wall, head resting against the concrete, fists clenched tight, resting on either side of his head. He’s breathing hard.
The realization that you’ve trespassed into a private area strikes you, causing you to feel suddenly self conscious. You timidly approach him, deciding to announce your presence by softly calling his name.
“Hyunjin.” You whisper.
He quickly turns around. Sweat drips down his face, which is twisted in an agitated glower. But his features relax the instant he realizes you’re standing before him. His harsh grimace melting into subtle shock, and then despair.
“What are you doing here?” He asks, eyes full of anguish.
“I…I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine. Just needed a break.” Hyunjin drops his gaze, focusing on the ground instead. “You shouldn’t be here, you know.”
You follow his action, sheepishly studying the floor. “I’m sorry. I’ll lea—“
“Stay.” He interjects. “Stay for a bit.”
You look back up in surprise to find him slowly approaching you. He pauses once he’s standing at your feet, his chest inches away from your face, looking down at you with a pained expression, with longing. His hesitation doesn’t last long, though. He seems to make up his mind and pulls you in to a hug.
Like muscle memory, your bodies mesh together, arms wrapping around one another, returning to where they belong. You breathe him in. His sweat drips onto your skin but you don’t care. You’d soak in every last bit of him if you could.
“I missed you. A lot.” Hyunjin murmurs in your hair. “I’m sorry I cut you out. I didn’t know what to do.”
You nod your head against his chest. Letting him know that you understand. “I missed you too.”
“I was a stupid. I shouldn’t have done it, because all this time, I needed you. I didn’t know I needed you until we met. But now I can’t stand being away from you.” He continues. “I hate how much I need you.”
Hyunjin loosens his grip around your shoulders, leaning back to meet your eyes.
“You drive me crazy, Y/N. I think about you every day, every second.” Hyunjin whispers. “You have all of me, my whole heart is yours…and you don’t even know it.”
He releases his grasp altogether, leaving you cold and missing his warmth.
“You don’t even know it.” He repeats, backing away from you as he speaks.
“What don’t I know, Hyunjin?” Your lips frown but your eyes plead for him to come back.
“How much you affect me. How much you hurt me.” He turns his back to you. “It fucking hurt me, can’t you see that? It broke me to see you with him.” You hear his voice tremble.
“I didn’t mean to.” You explain. “I’m sorry.”
Gently, you reach a hand out to him, grazing his arm with your fingers. He tenses at your touch, but can’t help gravitating towards it anyway, facing you once again.
“There’s nothing going on between me and him. I only ever wanted you. I still do.” The words spill out of you in a hushed whisper. “Do you believe me?”
Hyunjin let’s out a low sigh. He wants to believe you, so badly. But his heart still clings on to the fragments of hurt he experienced that night. How could he forget it all so easily?
“I don’t know.” He answers you. “I want to, but it’s difficult for me. You broke my heart that night, Y/N. And I didn’t know it was even possible. I didn’t realize how much I actually care about you until it shattered in my face. But I still care. I don’t think I can ever stop. Even if it hurts me like this. Even if y—“
You kiss him.
Hyunjin’s lips stop their motion when they are met with yours. His speech abruptly halted. His head went blank, only capable of processing the touch of your lips, the taste of your mouth. His heart reacts before his mind comprehends the sensation, rapidly pulsing like he just took a hit of ecstasy. Slowly, you part your lips from his, leaving him staring back at you, awestruck.
Hyunjin releases a shaky breath, clasping a hand to his head. “God, I’m fucked.”
“Why?” You question him.
“Because I’d let you break my heart again if it means I get to kiss you like this.”
You gaze at him, a light smile playing on your lips. “Hyunjin, I’m yours.”
“What?”
You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him close, forcing him to meet your eyes.
“Im yours, okay? So don’t worry about anything, I just need you to go out there and win.”
“Y/N, I—“
“Get out there and win, Hyunjin. Your team needs you. I’ll tell you everything after the game, okay? I’ll be here, I promise.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What’s so hard to understand? I mean, it’s pretty simple.” You pull him closer.
“I love you.”
Hyunjin’s eyes widen hearing those words come out of your mouth. He’s frozen yet warm underneath your touch. His mind is in a daze. He thinks his heart might beat right out of his chest.
“Can you do that, Jinnie? Can you go out there and play like I know you can? Can you do that for me?”
Hyunjin gulps, still stunned by your words, but nods in acknowledgment.
“Get out there and win.”
You kiss him again, leaving him lightheaded once more, but invigorated. Hyunjin heads out to the field. He’s ready this time. He’s got his focus back.
The final whistle is blown. The game is set. The scoreboard reads “3-2.” Your team has won. They made it to nationals.
Confetti cannons cover the stadium with shining ribbons. Deafening screams of celebration roar from the crowd. The players jump in elation below. Hugging each other, punching their fists in the air, soaking in their victory.
Everything moves in slow motion. Hyunjin is trapped by his teammates in a group hug, but whips his head in your direction, flashing you the biggest smile. He notices your seat is empty though. Where did you go?
“Hey! You can’t go there!” An angry voice draws his attention to the edge of the field.
He spots your figure. Hopping the fence that separates the grass from the bleachers and stubbornly ignoring the threats from the security guard. You are running straight towards him.
“Hyunjin!” You call out.
He breaks away from his team and heads to you. Sprinting as fast as he can, arms spread wide. He catches you and twirls you in the air. Planting a kiss on your lips as your feet land on the ground.
“You’re here.” He breathes against your mouth.
“You did it, Jinnie! Congratulations!” You beam.
“We did it.” He sighs, the corners of his lips refusing to fall.
“Hyunjin! Stop making out with your girlfriend and get over here for the group picture!” The booming voice had to be none other than Changbin, watching you two with a smug grin.
“I gotta go.” Hyunjin says. “But meet me later? Where should I find you?”
“How about the newsroom? There’s something I want to show you.”
He smiles at you, diving in for another quick peck. “Okay, I’ll see you there.”
Hyunjin knocks softly on the door labeled “Uni Chronicles.” Inside you yell for him to come in, and he follows your voice, entering to find you sitting by the windowsill, a small stack of papers in your hand.
The warm glow of the low afternoon sun blankets the room in golden hues. Your skin radiates in the light. Your face beams even brighter, looking at him. He can’t help but smile.
You motion for Hyunjin to take a seat next to you as he approaches. And you lay the papers down in front of him.
“Hwang Hyunjin: the Heart Beneath the Jersey” it reads.
“Is this—you finished the editorial?” He asks, eyes wide as he reads the letters.
“This is the one and only copy as of now!” You tell him. “We’re gonna publish it after it gets edited and approved.”
He says nothing, continuing to stare at the paper in awe.
“I didn’t have the chance to have you look over it before I finished, since you ghosted me.” You tease, only a pinch of pettiness in your voice.
Hyunjin looks at you with a pout. “I said I was sorry.”
You laugh. “I know, I know. Go on and read it already.”
He nods and begins to read. The article starts off a bit harsh, recounting your unpleasant first meeting and initial impressions of the obnoxious player before you. Hyunjin’s eyes dart to you, brows furrowed in discontent. You smile and urge him to continue.
As he reads further, Hyunjin’s reactions are clearly displayed on his face. His expression becoming softer as the article continues. His gaze growing more intense as his eyes travel down the page. At the end of the editorial, Hyunjin’s stare is stuck on the concluding sentences.
“What started as an arduous task to dissect the jaded mind of the soccer team’s star player turned out to be an unexpected journey into the heart of a captivating individual with more passion than he knows how to manage. Getting to know Hyunjin on a personal level—beyond the assumptions of what character he seems to play in the minds of many on our campus—was an enchanting adventure. I’ll be the first to admit that Hyunjin captured the heart of even a critic like me, and I’m certain he’ll do the same to anyone who is granted the opportunity to know and to love him.”
He re-reads the last couple lines a few times, digesting your words, savoring every syllable.
Finally dropping the paper, he looks at you. “Did you really write this?”
“That’s my name on the article isn’t it?” You point out. ”Well…what do you think?”
“Y/N.” He cradles your face in his palms. “I love it. Thank you.”
Hyunjin tilts his head to capture your lips in his, allowing your mouths to meld together. When he releases you from the kiss, you’re left beaming at each other’s faces, grinning like a pair of Cheshire cats.
“I have to say, it was the most difficult paper to write yet.” You smile. “But it was worth it.”
“It’s amazing.”
You playfully roll your eyes. “Of course you’d think that. I practically gas you up the whole time.”
“It’s not that...” He clarifies. “Do you mean what you wrote?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have written it if I didn’t.”
“You’re amazing.”
You feel shy from all his compliments. His affectionate gaze drills holes into your heart, filling them up with sugar and honey.
“I wish I was as good with words as you are. Then I could tell you more.” He says.
“Tell me more about what?”
“About…how I feel about you.”
Hyunjin pauses for a moment, mentally piecing together his next words. He always struggled with finding the right thing to say, and after searching his mind for a few seconds, he decides to do as he always does—speak from his heart.
“I love you.”
His voice rings in your ear, vibrating off the walls, an angelic melody. These three simple words strike you more than any novel you’ve ever read. They sound more beautiful than the symphonies that play in world-renowned theaters. They get you higher than any drug you can ever dare to take.
“I love you too.” You said this already, but the surge of euphoria it brings you doesn’t seem to wear off.
Hyunjin smiles wide, and doesn’t hesitate to pepper you with kisses, unleashing all of the pent up affection he has for you.
“Mm..can’t…breathe.” You gasp, arms gripping tight on his shoulders, but making no effort to push him away.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” He pauses to let you catch your breath. “I’ve been holding in my urge to kiss you for so long and it’s all pouring out now.”
You chuckle at his impatience. “We have plenty of time to make up for it.” You give him a peck on the cheek, drawing a rosy blush where your lips graze his skin. The way he’s looking at you like a guilty puppy tempts you to kiss him a million more times.
“I’ve never been in love before.” Hyunjin confesses. “I don’t know how to do this.”
Your heart flutters at his admittance. You’re just as nervous as he is about what this all means. It was an endeavor to even get to where you are now with him. How will things go now that all your cards are on the table? He can hurt you. You already hurt him. But nothing could drive you away from his arms again. Nothing now. Not now that you’ve fully given in to him, given him everything, your whole heart, damaged and terrified as it may be.
It’s not always going to be easy. You know that. Loving Hyunjin will come with its trials and challenges. But loving him is all you know how to do. It comes as naturally as breathing, it’s not something you can stop.
“We’ll figure it out together.” You assure him.
Hyunjin nods, resting his head on your shoulder, his hands around your waist. He’s fearful of the future, but he’s less scared when you’re beside him. And he’ll never let you go. He loves you, too much. So much that he can’t function when you’re gone—truly lovesick.
Waves of uncertainty wash over you both, but your soul is at ease. The gentle flow of his breath ghosting over your skin calms you as your heart beats synchronize. If this is what being in love feels like, we’re going to be okay. You think to yourself. Everything’s going to be okay.
a/n: we made it y’all 🤧 where my day one tbibn readers at?? the dummies have f i n a l l y confessed their love 😌 I really poured my heart into this chapter, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do 😊 only a few more installments of tbibn to go 🥹 please continue to share your thoughts with me, thanks for reading guys 🫶
genre: angst, smut, social media au (with written parts), college au, enemies to lovers
wc: 7.0k
summary: An aspiring journalist, you are the news editor for The Uni Chronicles; the campus newspaper, popular for delivering breaking news at the drop of a hat and providing detailed articles about the various happenings around your university. You think you’ve covered every story there was to cover before you’re tasked with producing an in-depth editorial on a student whose name is on everyone’s lips—Hwang Hyunjin.
masterlist
“And then he blocked me.”
The table erupts in scoffs and theatrical eye rolls—mostly coming from Jisung’s side—at the conclusion of your story. You silently lower your head to take a sip from your milkshake as your friends mull over the recent events in your love life that you’ve just shared. Creamy notes of strawberry and banana coat your tongue, normally delivering instant doses of serotonin to your system, but today taste dull and chalky. Much like your mood has been since your last interaction with Hyunjin.
Could you even call it that? It was hardly an interaction at all. He refused to hear you out and then went as far as to prevent you from saying another word to him. After all these months of avoiding the topic and never truly expressing your thoughts—now you couldn’t tell him how you feel even if you wanted to. You start to think that you’ve been cursed somehow. Doomed to never acquire the love you so desired, not even after you’ve found it at last.
The worst part was the fact that you never had a chance to say everything you’ve been holding in. Rejection would be better than this. That’s why you can’t seem to let it go. Not until you’ve gotten everything off your chest. You couldn’t walk away without at least letting him know how you feel. Then, if he still decides that he doesn’t want you, you can leave free of any regrets.
Jisung heaves a heavy sigh, crossing his arms and slouching against the diner booth—every aspect of his body language conveying his disdain for your situation. Communicating to you a frustrated “I told you so,” without having to say it. You pay him no mind, too lost in your thoughts to realize that you’ve been sucking at nothing for the past few minutes, a strawberry chunk lodged in your straw.
It wasn’t until Felix rubs your arm, opting for a more sympathetic response to your predicament, that you snap out of your daze. You lift your gaze, studying your friends’ expressions from around the table.
Jisung has on his characteristically exaggerated pout—cheeks puffed with irritation. Jeongin sits next to him, across from you with a concerned frown. To your right sat Nari, resting her cheek on her hand, sporting a visible frown as well while she lovingly strokes your hair, seemingly deep in thought. She almost looks confused after hearing your story.
Felix appears to be the most struck by your words—eyes glistening with worry as he strokes your arm, trying his best to comfort you and expressing his concern in the only way he knows how.
“I’m so sorry all of that happened to you, Y/N. I wish you told us sooner. You know I would’ve baked you a whole batch of your favorite brownies right away.” Felix earnestly tells you.
“Thank you, Lix. Your brownies always make me feel better.” You grin.
“They’re coming right up! I’ll bring them over tomorrow morning!” His smile is the sun itself, bringing a touch of warmth to your face just seeing it.
“Well, if it’s any consolation, it sounds like the worst is over.” Jeongin was always the type to give practical advice as a means to offer comfort. “The tournament is at the end of the week, which means the editorial will be published right after, and then you won’t have to deal with any more Hyunjin drama!”
You wince at his last words. No more Hyunjin. The end of the editorial marks the end of any professional obligations you have to see him. What will be your excuse now that the project is over? You had none. Other than the fact that you’re in love with him. That seeing him has been the highlight of your weeks together, and without him your days will be spent aimlessly, the spark he brought into your life, gone.
Jisung is still busy grumbling to himself in his corner, but notices the subtle fall in your mood at the mention of Hyunjin. He drops his sulking and leans towards you, catching your eyes and flashing you a soft grin. This is why you’ve been such great friends for so long. Despite his devilish antics and infallible ability to drive you up a wall, he can read you in an instant and know immediately what you need from him. Right now, you needed comfort from your best friend.
“Hyunjin’s a complete asswipe for blocking you.” He can’t help it, the contempt that Jisung has for this guy knows no bounds, even if he’s the one you’ve chosen to fall for. But Jisung sees how upset you are, and knowing that, of course he’ll support you. Even if the guy is an asswipe. “But if things are meant to be, he’ll come around. Everything will work out the way it’s supposed to. It always does. So don’t stress about it too much.”
“I gotta agree with Ji on this one.” Nari chimes in. “It doesn’t sit right with me that he just cut things off there, but if it’s bothering you this much, just imagine how much it’s bothering him.”
“That’s true. I mean, the man did call an Uber from across town just to see you in the middle of the night.” Jeongin adds. “It must be killing him to not talk to you.”
“Well, not as much as it probably killed him to see you with Taeyong.” Jisung blurts before clasping his mouth with his hands as Nari shoots him a sharp glare.
You release a strained sigh. “God if I had known he’d show up, I never would’ve had Tae over.” You bury your head in your arms and slump over the table.
Felix continues rubbing your shoulder, gently massaging in love with every pat. “Don’t beat yourself up about it, Y/N. It’s not your fault.”
“I just wish he’d hear me out for one minute. One minute! Then he can be free to block me again and never talk to me for the rest of his life. I hate that I didn’t have the chance to say what I wanted to say.” You mumble into the sleeves of your sweater.
“You’ve never been the type to fall short of words. Especially with Hyunjin.” Jeongin points out. “I can see how that’s frustrating.”
Without lifting your head, you nod in agreement.
“Who says you can’t still tell him everything?” Nari questions. “It’s not like he can avoid you forever. We all attend the same university, you’re bound to run into each other at some point.”
“You’re literally gonna be at the soccer game this weekend. Don’t you have to report on the final scores?” Jisung asks. “God, I’m tired of seeing you mope over this guy. Why don’t you just confront him at the tournament?”
You raise your head just enough to reveal your eyes, delivering an annoyed squint to Jisung. “This game is important, I’m not gonna jeopardize the team by bringing up my relationship drama.”
“Then confront him afterwards. I don’t care! Just do something before we all lose our minds!” Jisung huffs.
Nari places a reassuring hand on your back. “Listen, what I think Ji is trying to say is—we all see how much this is affecting you, and we’re concerned. We care about you, so we want you to get the closure you need. The longer you let this sit, the more it’s gonna eat away at you. Take advantage of this event that you know Hyunjin will be at and get it all off your chest. You might regret it if you don’t.”
You finally sit up in your seat and face your friends again. “I’m sorry for worrying you guys with all my problems. I’ll do my best to take care of it.” You mumble, guilty for making them listen to your sulking. “Thanks for always supporting me.”
Felix drowns you in a hug. “We’ll support you no matter what, Y/N. You should know that by now.”
“Yeah—see? That’s what I was trying to say!” Jisung shoots you a cheeky grin.
“You survived your year-long, unrequited love tragedy with Seungmin. I’m sure you can handle this.” Jeongin quips.
“My girl can handle anything.” Nari confidently declares. “And anything she can’t handle—she’s got me for!”
Hearing your friends’ encouragement brings a smile to your face. Their loving words and cheering remarks fill you with warmth that you’d been missing lately, refreshing your spirit once again. They were right. You should still try to talk to Hyunjin when you get the chance. Holding it in won’t do you any good. Even if you are annoyed that he blocked you.
The chatter around your meal turns more upbeat as the topic of conversation switches to Felix’s recent photography project on “animals in action,” involving an alarming encounter with a feral squirrel. You join in on the lively discussion and finish your plate, full with the comfort that only spending time with your friends can bring you.
The crew departs from the diner after the meal is over, each attending to their next schedule of the day. Felix and Jeongin leave to go to their classes while you and Jisung wait for Nari to get picked up for a date. Changbin shortly pulls up to the driveway of the diner and exits his car to greet you all.
“Hey Jisung! Hey Y/N!” He all but yells from the steering wheel before hopping out to embrace his beloved Nari. “How was lunch?”
He pulls Jisung in for a rough hug, which Jisung returns with an enthusiastic pat on the back. The two boys smile at each other widely and loudly go on about who knows what. Changbin and Jisung got along extremely well and quickly, which wasn’t surprising, given that they’re the two most boisterous and energetic boys on campus. You often tease Nari that Jisung will steal her man one day.
Changbin turns to you and gives you an equally rough hug, the air abruptly leaving your body as he squeezes you tight. “How have you been Y/N?”
“Not bad.” You meagerly respond.
Changbin picks up on the lack of energy in your answer. He has an idea of what might be bothering you.
“Hyunjin’s just, really focused on the tournament right now, you know?”
The mention of Hyunjin’s name shocks you a bit. You hadn’t mentioned anything about him to his friend, but Changbin seems to know what’s been plaguing your mind anyway.
“Right. I know.” You mumble.
“I told him he’s being a big doofus, but he’s set on prepping for the game.” Changbin rests a hand on your shoulder. “It’s all temporary though, I’m confident that things will go back to normal soon.”
You nod and give him a faint smile, appreciative of him for trying to comfort you, but also eager to end this conversation. He and Nari bid their goodbyes and drive away, leaving you and Jisung as the last diner patrons remaining.
Leisurely, you walk towards the dorms. Jisung kicks a few pebbles on the path while you silently tread beside him, trying your best to avoid stepping on cracks in the ground. This might be a new record for the longest time Jisung has been quiet, you think to yourself. But soon enough, you are halted to a stop when he blocks your path, arms crossed as he faces you.
“Y/N. We have got to get you out of this mood!” He huffs. “When’s the last time you were silent on a walk with me? Never! I swear, I’d even prefer you rambling about how much you love Hyunjin at this point.”
“Shut up Ji, I’m not in a mood.” You grumble. “What’s so wrong about having a nice, peaceful walk home?”
“What’s wrong is that I can tell your mind is going a hundred miles a minute, but you’re not saying anything.” He frowns. “I’m just worried about you.”
Your expression softens at his sincere concern. “I know Ji, I’m sorry. How about we have an anime marathon tonight? I know you’ve been wanting to watch that new series and it’ll help me get my mind off things.”
“I’m down!” He shouts. “You got popcorn at home?”
“Of course I do.”
“Sweet!” He grins, his temperament vastly different from only a few seconds ago.
Oh how simple it is to make Jisung happy. You wish you could attain happiness that easily, but instead you were born with an innate sense of dread and a predisposition to overthink. At least seeing your cheerful friend hopping home in bliss rubbed a little bit of joy off on you.
Jisung pauses again in the middle of the street, turning to you once more. In an unexpected gesture, he gives you a hug. It’s not one of those fleeting side hugs that you give to people you’re not entirely comfortable with, but a lingering one, a secure hug that freezes time just for a moment.
“Everything’s gonna be okay.” He mumbles in your ear. “Okay?”
His sudden show of affection nearly brings you to tears. How lucky were you to have a friend who truly cares about you. Obnoxious and mischievous as he might be.
“I know, Ji.” You respond. “Thank you.”
He releases you from the hug and continues to skip on home as if nothing happened. You chuckle at his swift ability to change his demeanor.
You catch up to him and link your arm in his, skipping together like the school children you once were.
“I love you, Ji.” You laugh after almost tripping on a rock.
“Yeah, love you too.” He coughs under his breath.
Jisung always hated showing affection, but you knew it was there. He preferred to convey his care by lightly bullying you or cracking jokes at your expense. All out of love, of course.
Knowing you had him and all of your other close friends in your life, caring for you just as much as you for them, gave you a sense of peace and content. So, despite the tragic condition of your love life, things will be okay.
Wake up. Work out. Attend class. Go to practice. Sleep.
This was Hyunjin’s daily routine for the past week. A routine that would whip him into prime shape for the tournament. He hardly had time to think and quite frankly, he wanted it that way. The only thing that should be on his mind is soccer. His team is counting on him after all. The whole university is counting on him.
The pressure he is under is enough to make a man go insane, yet this was preferable to thinking about you. Somehow, even with the weight of the tournament on his shoulders, passing thoughts of you still manage to drive him crazy. His head has been a mess and his heart no better since your last encounter.
Images of you in his arms, what he imagines to be the closest thing to heaven on earth, continue to replay in his mind. Only to be tainted by an unwelcome guest, barging in unannounced, completely destroying his fantasies. Hyunjin has broken his bones before, torn ligaments, and scraped skin—but nothing came close to the pain he felt that night.
It was so unbearable that he left. He fled the scene and hasn’t spoken to you since. He knows this is cowardly—running away from his issues as he always does. But right now, he’s hurt and he fears that seeing you will only reopen a wound that hasn’t yet healed. He’s not ready to face you. Not yet.
Not to mention that this is the most important time of the year for the team. Hyunjin still can’t believe that his focus is being ruined by girl problems of all things. He’s never experienced problems with girls in his life. Not once. Though, he’s also never fallen in love with one before.
Hyunjin is suffering and as a result, so is his game. He’s missing shots during practice, tripping over the ball and even getting outplayed by the freshmen. Chan notices him struggling and pulls him aside after practice.
“What’s going on Jin?” He plainly asks.
“Um.” Hyunjin clears his throat and straightens his posture, trying to think up an excuse. “I think the pressure of the tournament is getting to me a bit.”
“You’ve never been one to be shy of the spotlight though.” Chan points out. “You sure it’s just the tournament that’s got you stressed?”
“Yeah.” Hyunjin quickly answers. “I’ll get over it though. Sorry I was off my game today.”
“Hyunjin.” Chan sternly looks him in the eye. “I’m your captain but also your friend. If there’s anything bothering you, I’m here to listen.”
Hyunjin could tell him the truth. The truth that you have been haunting him for days now. That not a minute goes by when he’s not thinking about you. And every time he does, he’s hit with a pang to his chest once he remembers that you’re not his.
“I know. Thanks Chan, but it’s really nothing.” Hyunjin opts to withhold the truth. What good would telling Chan do anyway? Telling him won’t fix Hyunjin’s game. It won’t change the fact that you probably hate him for blocking you out. It won’t fix things between you. He’ll just have to suck it up and force himself to focus.
With a disappointed sigh, Chan accepts Hyunjin’s response. The players pack up their things and start heading home. Only two more days until the big game, Hyunjin thinks to himself. Block everything out for just two more days. Don’t think about her until the tournament’s finished. But even as he attempts to void all thoughts about you, he can’t stop worrying about one thing. Will you still be there when it’s over?
Nari is seated at the edge of the bed while you style her hair into loose braids, securing the ends with ribbons to match the soccer team’s colors. Once finished, she turns around to give you a glimpse at her entire outfit—black biker shorts hiding under an oversized jersey with Changbin’s number on the back.
You think she looks absolutely adorable in her sporty getup. She’s dressed like the ultimate athlete’s girlfriend. A year ago though, Nari wouldn’t have been caught dead looking like this. She hated cheesy couple shit and was always adamantly against traditional girlfriend behaviors, making it clear that she refused to be seen as some sort of trophy on a guy’s arm.
But ever since she started dating Changbin, she’s softened significantly, even indulging in some cliché couple activities every now and then. You’re happy she has warmed up to it more. It doesn’t change the fact that she’s still the same strong willed Nari, just a little more affable. Her happiness shines when she’s with Changbin. It’s clear that a side of her has been unlocked by him, exposing all the best parts of her when he’s around. They compliment each other so well and you can’t help be feel envious.
You would’ve loved to wear Hyunjin’s number on your back. Number “01.” Of course he somehow chose the cockiest number out there. You wouldn’t mind though. You loved watching him in his element during the game. His skill and focus was always so attractive. You’d feel proud to hear the crowd cheer for him. And you’d be the first to run out onto the field once the game was over and the team celebrates their victory. You’d run straight into his arms and kiss him as he swings you in circles for everyone to see.
God, you need to stop daydreaming. All it does is leave you feeling disappointed. But keeping your mind off of Hyunjin was nearly impossible, since you had an editorial to finish. How could you not get lost in fond thoughts of him while you wrote about his achievements, detailing all the facets of his personality that you cherish so much, even the ones you hated at first, but learned to love. Despite how upset you are at him, writing about him only pulled you deeper in love, reminding you of everything about him. Everything you miss so much.
You met him in the winter. Your first encounter as harsh as the frosty air. But come spring, your relationship began to bloom. You were unaware of just how many buds were planted below the surface until they all blossomed at once, and before you knew it, you had yourself a whole garden. But you weren’t prepared. You’ve never cultivated such robust emotion before. You didn’t know how to keep it alive. And now it seems that summer may never come.
You’ll try your best though, you promised yourself that. Even if you didn’t have a perfect plan, you’ll do your best to salvage this relationship.
But first, you had a job to finish. The tournament is today. Will Hyunjin lead the soccer team to victory, securing your university’s spot in nationals for the first time in history? Or will this be a huge upset to fans all across campus, potentially losing the team its much needed funding? Whatever the result is—you’ll be there to report on it first-hand. Because that’s what a good journalist does. So that’s what you’ll do.
You enter the packed stadium holding onto Nari’s hand as she weaves through the crowd to find your seats. Fortunately for you, Changbin saved you and Nari great seats right next to the field, granting you a highly coveted unobstructed view. Unfortunately for you, it was a journey just to get to them. The entire venue is filled with people, buzzing with fervor as the crowds anticipate the decisive game to come, fierce rivalry toward the opposing side coursing through their veins.
Spectators paint the bleachers with your university’s colors, waving banners and shouting cheers, the energy in the air amplifying as the game approaches. Just as you find your seats, the stadium erupts in a deafening roar. You stand up to catch a glimpse of what had caused the ruckus. Below, you spot the two teams emerging from the locker rooms beneath the bleachers, meeting in the center of the field. The game is about to begin.
A quick coin toss determines that your team will start the kickoff. After a formal handshake between the team captains, all players disperse and take their starting positions. The entire stadium goes silent.
At the blow of a whistle, the game comes to life. Hyunjin takes off running, his blond hair darting across the field. Minho dribbles the ball adjacent to him, both players forging their paths towards the goal. Blocked by the opponents’ defense line, the ball is passed over to Hyunjin. He takes it with ease, skillfully weaving through the remaining players until it’s just him and the goalie left.
The crowd screams for him to “SHOOT! SHOOT!” He positions himself behind the ball, firmly planting his foot and delivering a powerful kick. The ball soars towards the top right pocket of the goal as the goalie jumps to save it. A moment of silence takes over the stadium as all eyes watch the ball shoot past the goalie’s hands and straight into the net.
“GOAALL!” The announcer yells into the mic and cries of joy explode all around you.
The energy is infectious. Hyunjin scored the first goal, filling you with immense pride. You can’t help but join in the cheer.
Your team is off to a great start, taking an early lead in the game. A second kickoff begins and the match continues, your eyes following Hyunjin’s figure the entire time. You start to really get into the game, the atmosphere heightening your excitement as you watch. When the ball is passed to Hyunjin again, your thrill overtakes you.
“HYUNJIN!” You scream, cheering him on.
Hundreds of fans were screaming along with you, there was no chance he’d actually hear your voice.
But he did.
Hyunjin snaps his head in the direction of the sound and momentarily locks eyes with you. It was only a second. One second of his mind scattering to pieces and his entire body paralyzed. One second turned out to be enough to overthrow his focus and allow the opposing team to steal the ball.
“Hyunjin, what was that?” Chan yells as he sprints past him, still stuck in his spot.
Hyunjin huffs a deep breath, tightens the mini ponytail atop his head and resumes his attention to the game. Or at least he tries to. His plays become messy and careless. His concentration was fucked. All because of you. One look at you was enough to destroy the mental focus he spent days preparing for this game.
You, in your oversized jacket. Its baggy sleeves drooping off your shoulders, framing you perfectly. You, with your hair pulled back in a loose ponytail. Your features on display in their effortless beauty and entirety. Your cheeks flushed from yelling too hard. Yelling his name.
It was all because of you.
Soon, the opposing team scored a goal. Then another. The tides had quickly turned and anxiousness for your team’s fate could be felt throughout the crowd. Thankfully, halftime was called and the players broke away to their respective locker rooms to regroup with their teams.
Chan sits everyone down for a team meeting. “Boys. What happened out there? We started off great but now we’re falling behind. We need to get our heads in the game. Do I need to remind you that our spot in nationals is on the line?”
Tired and defeated eyes avoid his glare. Only labored breaths can be heard in the locker room as the players rest their weary limbs on the cold concrete floor.
“Hyunjin. You told me you’d get it together for this tournament. What’s up with you? I know you can play better than that. I’ve seen you play better.”
“I promise, cap.” Hyunjin pants. “I’m gonna get it together. I’ll get the goals back.”
Chan gives him a stern nod and leaves the players to cool down before the game resumes. Chan’s frustrated, Hyunjin can tell, and he doesn’t blame him. He’s frustrated too, furious with himself. Hyunjin is the striker after all, the momentum of the whole team depends on his performance. He’s played better against tougher teams, there’s no excuse. He has to turn this around, pronto.
After their fifteen minutes are up, the teams re-enter the field. Hyunjin takes his position, his pulse racing and eyes fixed steady on the ball. The whistle blows and the players spring into action. Minho manages to steal the ball, dribbling it up the line towards the goal. Hyunjin finds an open spot to receive the pass, waving at him to send it over. Minho kicks a perfect pass, landing it right at Hyunjin’s feet. Hyunjin takes a wide swing at the ball—but he misses.
Disappointed groans can be heard from the crowd, met with elated cheers from the opposing side. Hyunjin’s temper blows up, he drops to his knees and pounds on the floor in frustration, spewing curses in the process. The referee gives him a warning, cautioning him to watch his language, to which he replies with a glare.
Hyunjin is fed up at this point, and needs a breather to calm his nerves. He motions for his coach to send in a substitute and storms off alone to the locker rooms. Murmurs of confusion and shock fill the crowd as they witness the star player of the team exit the field. How are they going to make it to nationals without him?
You felt nervous watching Hyunjin leave in a rage. He was never good at controlling his emotions, but he needed to regain his composure if there was any chance of returning to the game. You know how hard he can be on himself, and it kills you to think that this might cost him the tournament. He’d never be able to live with the guilt if he lets his team down. And you can’t let that happen to him.
“I’m going to him.” You tell Nari.
Before she can attempt to talk some sense into you and stop you from leaving—you’re gone. Snaking through the crowd, you rush under the bleachers and follow him to the locker rooms. Once you enter, you find him facing the wall, head resting against the concrete, fists clenched tight, resting on either side of his head. He’s breathing hard.
The realization that you’ve trespassed into a private area strikes you, causing you to feel suddenly self conscious. You timidly approach him, deciding to announce your presence by softly calling his name.
“Hyunjin.” You whisper.
He quickly turns around. Sweat drips down his face, which is twisted in an agitated glower. But his features relax the instant he realizes you’re standing before him. His harsh grimace melting into subtle shock, and then despair.
“What are you doing here?” He asks, eyes full of anguish.
“I…I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine. Just needed a break.” Hyunjin drops his gaze, focusing on the ground instead. “You shouldn’t be here, you know.”
You follow his action, sheepishly studying the floor. “I’m sorry. I’ll lea—“
“Stay.” He interjects. “Stay for a bit.”
You look back up in surprise to find him slowly approaching you. He pauses once he’s standing at your feet, his chest inches away from your face, looking down at you with a pained expression, with longing. His hesitation doesn’t last long, though. He seems to make up his mind and pulls you in to a hug.
Like muscle memory, your bodies mesh together, arms wrapping around one another, returning to where they belong. You breathe him in. His sweat drips onto your skin but you don’t care. You’d soak in every last bit of him if you could.
“I missed you. A lot.” Hyunjin murmurs in your hair. “I’m sorry I cut you out. I didn’t know what to do.”
You nod your head against his chest. Letting him know that you understand. “I missed you too.”
“I was a stupid. I shouldn’t have done it, because all this time, I needed you. I didn’t know I needed you until we met. But now I can’t stand being away from you.” He continues. “I hate how much I need you.”
Hyunjin loosens his grip around your shoulders, leaning back to meet your eyes.
“You drive me crazy, Y/N. I think about you every day, every second.” Hyunjin whispers. “You have all of me, my whole heart is yours…and you don’t even know it.”
He releases his grasp altogether, leaving you cold and missing his warmth.
“You don’t even know it.” He repeats, backing away from you as he speaks.
“What don’t I know, Hyunjin?” Your lips frown but your eyes plead for him to come back.
“How much you affect me. How much you hurt me.” He turns his back to you. “It fucking hurt me, can’t you see that? It broke me to see you with him.” You hear his voice tremble.
“I didn’t mean to.” You explain. “I’m sorry.”
Gently, you reach a hand out to him, grazing his arm with your fingers. He tenses at your touch, but can’t help gravitating towards it anyway, facing you once again.
“There’s nothing going on between me and him. I only ever wanted you. I still do.” The words spill out of you in a hushed whisper. “Do you believe me?”
Hyunjin let’s out a low sigh. He wants to believe you, so badly. But his heart still clings on to the fragments of hurt he experienced that night. How could he forget it all so easily?
“I don’t know.” He answers you. “I want to, but it’s difficult for me. You broke my heart that night, Y/N. And I didn’t know it was even possible. I didn’t realize how much I actually care about you until it shattered in my face. But I still care. I don’t think I can ever stop. Even if it hurts me like this. Even if y—“
You kiss him.
Hyunjin’s lips stop their motion when they are met with yours. His speech abruptly halted. His head went blank, only capable of processing the touch of your lips, the taste of your mouth. His heart reacts before his mind comprehends the sensation, rapidly pulsing like he just took a hit of ecstasy. Slowly, you part your lips from his, leaving him staring back at you, awestruck.
Hyunjin releases a shaky breath, clasping a hand to his head. “God, I’m fucked.”
“Why?” You question him.
“Because I’d let you break my heart again if it means I get to kiss you like this.”
You gaze at him, a light smile playing on your lips. “Hyunjin, I’m yours.”
“What?”
You wrap your arms around his neck, bringing him close, forcing him to meet your eyes.
“Im yours, okay? So don’t worry about anything, I just need you to go out there and win.”
“Y/N, I—“
“Get out there and win, Hyunjin. Your team needs you. I’ll tell you everything after the game, okay? I’ll be here, I promise.”
“I don’t understand.”
“What’s so hard to understand? I mean, it’s pretty simple.” You pull him closer.
“I love you.”
Hyunjin’s eyes widen hearing those words come out of your mouth. He’s frozen yet warm underneath your touch. His mind is in a daze. He thinks his heart might beat right out of his chest.
“Can you do that, Jinnie? Can you go out there and play like I know you can? Can you do that for me?”
Hyunjin gulps, still stunned by your words, but nods in acknowledgment.
“Get out there and win.”
You kiss him again, leaving him lightheaded once more, but invigorated. Hyunjin heads out to the field. He’s ready this time. He’s got his focus back.
The final whistle is blown. The game is set. The scoreboard reads “3-2.” Your team has won. They made it to nationals.
Confetti cannons cover the stadium with shining ribbons. Deafening screams of celebration roar from the crowd. The players jump in elation below. Hugging each other, punching their fists in the air, soaking in their victory.
Everything moves in slow motion. Hyunjin is trapped by his teammates in a group hug, but whips his head in your direction, flashing you the biggest smile. He notices your seat is empty though. Where did you go?
“Hey! You can’t go there!” An angry voice draws his attention to the edge of the field.
He spots your figure. Hopping the fence that separates the grass from the bleachers and stubbornly ignoring the threats from the security guard. You are running straight towards him.
“Hyunjin!” You call out.
He breaks away from his team and heads to you. Sprinting as fast as he can, arms spread wide. He catches you and twirls you in the air. Planting a kiss on your lips as your feet land on the ground.
“You’re here.” He breathes against your mouth.
“You did it, Jinnie! Congratulations!” You beam.
“We did it.” He sighs, the corners of his lips refusing to fall.
“Hyunjin! Stop making out with your girlfriend and get over here for the group picture!” The booming voice had to be none other than Changbin, watching you two with a smug grin.
“I gotta go.” Hyunjin says. “But meet me later? Where should I find you?”
“How about the newsroom? There’s something I want to show you.”
He smiles at you, diving in for another quick peck. “Okay, I’ll see you there.”
Hyunjin knocks softly on the door labeled “Uni Chronicles.” Inside you yell for him to come in, and he follows your voice, entering to find you sitting by the windowsill, a small stack of papers in your hand.
The warm glow of the low afternoon sun blankets the room in golden hues. Your skin radiates in the light. Your face beams even brighter, looking at him. He can’t help but smile.
You motion for Hyunjin to take a seat next to you as he approaches. And you lay the papers down in front of him.
“Hwang Hyunjin: the Heart Beneath the Jersey” it reads.
“Is this—you finished the editorial?” He asks, eyes wide as he reads the letters.
“This is the one and only copy as of now!” You tell him. “We’re gonna publish it after it gets edited and approved.”
He says nothing, continuing to stare at the paper in awe.
“I didn’t have the chance to have you look over it before I finished, since you ghosted me.” You tease, only a pinch of pettiness in your voice.
Hyunjin looks at you with a pout. “I said I was sorry.”
You laugh. “I know, I know. Go on and read it already.”
He nods and begins to read. The article starts off a bit harsh, recounting your unpleasant first meeting and initial impressions of the obnoxious player before you. Hyunjin’s eyes dart to you, brows furrowed in discontent. You smile and urge him to continue.
As he reads further, Hyunjin’s reactions are clearly displayed on his face. His expression becoming softer as the article continues. His gaze growing more intense as his eyes travel down the page. At the end of the editorial, Hyunjin’s stare is stuck on the concluding sentences.
“What started as an arduous task to dissect the jaded mind of the soccer team’s star player turned out to be an unexpected journey into the heart of a captivating individual with more passion than he knows how to manage. Getting to know Hyunjin on a personal level—beyond the assumptions of what character he seems to play in the minds of many on our campus—was an enchanting adventure. I’ll be the first to admit that Hyunjin captured the heart of even a critic like me, and I’m certain he’ll do the same to anyone who is granted the opportunity to know and to love him.”
He re-reads the last couple lines a few times, digesting your words, savoring every syllable.
Finally dropping the paper, he looks at you. “Did you really write this?”
“That’s my name on the article isn’t it?” You point out. ”Well…what do you think?”
“Y/N.” He cradles your face in his palms. “I love it. Thank you.”
Hyunjin tilts his head to capture your lips in his, allowing your mouths to meld together. When he releases you from the kiss, you’re left beaming at each other’s faces, grinning like a pair of Cheshire cats.
“I have to say, it was the most difficult paper to write yet.” You smile. “But it was worth it.”
“It’s amazing.”
You playfully roll your eyes. “Of course you’d think that. I practically gas you up the whole time.”
“It’s not that...” He clarifies. “Do you mean what you wrote?”
“Of course. I wouldn’t have written it if I didn’t.”
“You’re amazing.”
You feel shy from all his compliments. His affectionate gaze drills holes into your heart, filling them up with sugar and honey.
“I wish I was as good with words as you are. Then I could tell you more.” He says.
“Tell me more about what?”
“About…how I feel about you.”
Hyunjin pauses for a moment, mentally piecing together his next words. He always struggled with finding the right thing to say, and after searching his mind for a few seconds, he decides to do as he always does—speak from his heart.
“I love you.”
His voice rings in your ear, vibrating off the walls, an angelic melody. These three simple words strike you more than any novel you’ve ever read. They sound more beautiful than the symphonies that play in world-renowned theaters. They get you higher than any drug you can ever dare to take.
“I love you too.” You said this already, but the surge of euphoria it brings you doesn’t seem to wear off.
Hyunjin smiles wide, and doesn’t hesitate to pepper you with kisses, unleashing all of the pent up affection he has for you.
“Mm..can’t…breathe.” You gasp, arms gripping tight on his shoulders, but making no effort to push him away.
“I’m sorry, I can’t help it.” He pauses to let you catch your breath. “I’ve been holding in my urge to kiss you for so long and it’s all pouring out now.”
You chuckle at his impatience. “We have plenty of time to make up for it.” You give him a peck on the cheek, drawing a rosy blush where your lips graze his skin. The way he’s looking at you like a guilty puppy tempts you to kiss him a million more times.
“I’ve never been in love before.” Hyunjin confesses. “I don’t know how to do this.”
Your heart flutters at his admittance. You’re just as nervous as he is about what this all means. It was an endeavor to even get to where you are now with him. How will things go now that all your cards are on the table? He can hurt you. You already hurt him. But nothing could drive you away from his arms again. Nothing now. Not now that you’ve fully given in to him, given him everything, your whole heart, damaged and terrified as it may be.
It’s not always going to be easy. You know that. Loving Hyunjin will come with its trials and challenges. But loving him is all you know how to do. It comes as naturally as breathing, it’s not something you can stop.
“We’ll figure it out together.” You assure him.
Hyunjin nods, resting his head on your shoulder, his hands around your waist. He’s fearful of the future, but he’s less scared when you’re beside him. And he’ll never let you go. He loves you, too much. So much that he can’t function when you’re gone—truly lovesick.
Waves of uncertainty wash over you both, but your soul is at ease. The gentle flow of his breath ghosting over your skin calms you as your heart beats synchronize. If this is what being in love feels like, we’re going to be okay. You think to yourself. Everything’s going to be okay.
a/n: we made it y’all 🤧 where my day one tbibn readers at?? the dummies have f i n a l l y confessed their love 😌 I really poured my heart into this chapter, I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I do 😊 only a few more installments of tbibn to go 🥹 please continue to share your thoughts with me, thanks for reading guys 🫶
Synopsis: You crave a life of normalcy, he craves you. And he'd do anything to keep you, even if you're for the world to see.
wc: 4.3k
warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, barista!hyunjin x cam girl!reader, mutual masturbation, cum eating, oral (f receiving), nonsexual showering together hehehe, lmk if I missed anything
Past Broadcasts : Heat Signature
Live : Puppeteer
Next Scheduled Broadcast : Hi, My Name Is
☆ﾟ
Fuck self control. Fuck whoever’s watching. Fuck him, and fuck him hard, you’ll do it on camera…
…Is what would’ve happened if your entire livelihood wasn’t excitedly tuning in to watch you masturbate.
It was difficult to watch him touch himself to you while not being able to so much as say his name when you wanted to so badly. All you wanted was to fall to your knees and suckle his leaking cock like it was a sweet treat, make him whimper and cry and beg you to let him cum until there isn’t anything left in his body. Only then would you climb up his body and ride him until he’s a subby ball of overstimulation and dry orgasms. That’s the fantasy.
“Fuck– wait, I’m gonna cum–”
“Have I kept you waiting long?”
A rather loud slap of skin on skin and the creaking of the bed in the background made your body jolt, you obviously had to peek a glance to make sure Hyunjin was okay. And he definitely was.
Both of his hands clasped over his mouth to repress the loud strings of moans turned into muffled heavy breathing and cum shooting from his tip to leave ribbons of white decorating his chest and abdomen. Hyunjin couldn’t keep his hips from rutting into the air as he fought the urge to sob out.
What a good boy, you wanted to say, but returned your attention to the floods of comments pouring in.
“Sorry, I just got a new pet! He might make some noise, I’m still house training him. So don’t mind the disruptions! How are you today?” You leaned your elbows into the desk and intentionally squished your bra clad breasts together. There was a small grunt that caught your attention, stealing another glance at the boy who struggled to keep a lid on his excitement. Hyunjin had let his hands fall to the bed while he attempted to regain his composure, cum dripping down the sides of his body and cock still twitching, untouched.
Back to work.
“Oh, hard day? I’m sorry to hear that… I hope what I’ve got planned will make it all better, even just for a little while. I wanna get right to it, ‘m so excited!” Times like this, you were glad the camera didn’t show your face, you caught quick looks of Hyunjin sitting up onto his elbow, reaching for his dick again, determination on his face and clearly nowhere near finished.
“We’re taking things old fashioned today. Just me, you,” you wiggled your fingers beside your chest, “and the pretty manicure mister callingherdaddy helped me pick out. I do like purple, even got a set to match because you’ve been so generous. Thank you, sir.”
The comments scrolled faster than you could read, so you didn’t bother for the moment being. Instead, you took your time to pull your hair up, keeping it off your shoulders so that the camera wouldn’t pick up you looking in Hyunjin’s flustered direction. He watched your every movement like a hawk and you were the bunny, waiting for the moment you gave him the chance to swoop in, claws first.
Gently, slowly you ran your hands across your puffed chest, tugging the bra straps to drape off your shoulders as you leaned back in the chair. Hyunjin sucked in a deep breath and lightly massaged the area around his still hard cock at the possibility that you could take a good while, while he could take a good thirty seconds to blow again. But you didn’t really have the patience. It felt like an honor that he’d been so vulnerable with you. Though, maybe that was pushing it considering he’s still a man. Men think with their dicks, and he was certainly using every brain cell he had.
“I’m feeling a little needy. It won’t bother you if I get straight to it, will you?” Hyunjin held your stare with confidence, this time you truly were talking to him. He shook his head, no. “Good. Don’t mind if I help myself, then.”
You were so eager. Eager and wet. Sopping. Before taking off the panties, you hiked your knees onto the edge of the table and pressed your fingers to the darkened gusset. The wetness gushed outwards from the point of pressure and the both of you could hear the lewd slick sloshing between your folds. Hyunjin’s eyes rolled back again for a second as his head fell to the side, pretty lips parting for a heavy sigh.
That fucking look in his eye, like he was ready to spring up and devour you at any given moment. You wanted him to and it was so difficult to resist. The pinging of the tips going off made you check the screen and slide the panties off but leaving it hanging off your ankle.
“Sorry, lovely, I can’t wait. Feel like I’ve been waiting for this all day.” The shy giggle you let out made Hyunjin smile too, a shit-eating smirk that made you wanna tie him to the bed posts naked and leave him there all night.
As soon as your fingers made contact with your puffy clit a horny moan pushed past your lips. It was hardly any pressure aside from the intense eye contact Hyunjin wouldn’t dare let die down. His hand dwindled higher to grab the base of his cock, stroking just the shortest bit to tease himself. It wasn’t the fact that you were touching yourself that got you so worked up, it was him. The pretty face that couldn’t break away from yours because he was hanging on every word you said.
Your fingers moved a little faster to rub the bundle of nerves in tight circles, perfect pressure to make your eyes flutter. “This is already too much for me. Ha, isn’t that funny? Fuck– feels so good. Just missing– mm– one thing. One big thing.” You gestured with your eyes down to his cock and watched as his entire body tensed up, hand slapping over his mouth again to conceal a groan.
Hyunjin’s body felt on fire, like the cum leaking from him was made of molten lava and it burned in the best way possible. He loved the way your hole clenched the quicker you circled your fingers, how your toes would curl when you pushed harder, the slow rakes of your gaze up and down his lean body, how you’d linger a little longer on the way his hand wrapped around his cock like you were memorizing the way he liked to be touched. It was because you were, still jotting down mental notes of every nook and cranny of his body because you wanted to know it like you knew your own. Don’t tell him that, though.
“Look at that,” you pried your hand away to spread your fingers to show the camera the stickiness between them. Hyunjin couldn’t see it very well, but when you brought your fingers to your mouth and moaned, he got the idea and jerked his cock a little faster. “Mmm, would you taste me? I know you’d be so good with your tongue.
“I don’t think I’ll last long, lovely. It’s so hard to hold back when I think of you.”
Hyunjin matched your now frenzying speed, fucking his hand tighter when you switched hands rubbing at your clit to slide them down to your hole. Oh, you were glistening all over, sweating under the mutual heat both you and the barista were giving off. His wrist occasionally twisted while you attempted to curl your fingers at the right angle, but as well as you knew your body, you knew you’d never be able to reach unless you suddenly learned the secrets of a contortionist within the next few seconds.
Aching limbs, pussy growing more and more used to the ministrations the longer your orgasm refused to come to light, you were ready to fake one just to give your wrist and cunt a break. Even Hyunjin could see the slight difficulty, but wasn’t really sure of why. You’d seemed perfectly fine on your own during all those other live streams where you weren’t using a toy. But when he thought a little harder, the only time there wasn’t an extra source of stimulus, be it that a grinder, vibrator, dildo, there was always an extra set of hands. Sometimes a man, sometimes a woman, any person you’d collaborate with for the time being. You called it an “old fashioned” type of stream tonight, but didn’t think it entirely through.
Because you were really struggling, as in to the point where your eyebrows were furrowing and biting your bottom lip to hide the desperate whimpers that hinted to your viewers that you weren’t truly as close as you said you were.
He was right there. He was so close, pretty lips plumped ready to be used and big hands fisting his cock instead of being around your neck. How come this was suddenly an issue? Now that he’s here and you can’t have him, you can’t cum?
As you could see him visibly getting nearer to his end, you mouthed, “come here,” looked at the spot next to your desk and out of view of the camera for him to stand. Hyunjin rushed to the spot and tried to keep the sloshing, slick sounds of his jerking as quiet as possible. You could smell him, his musky scent and hint of coffee grounds that made your mind numb. The atmosphere rose a few degrees as the sweat dripped down his temple and onto his reddening chest. Fuck, everything about him made you want to cut the stream short, end it right here and blame it on a power outage or something, make up an excuse just because you wanted him so fucking badly.
It’s a problem, one that got you so frustrated that you did fake an orgasm, the whole shebang. Your body convulsed, you clamped your pussy around your fingers and let out a moan that seemed maybe a little too forced. But you didn’t care. The orgasm that was on the tip of your tongue could wait the few seconds it took to say your parting words. With Hyunjin at your side, you slipped your hand off to the side to rake your nails down his thigh, feeling him shudder beneath the touch.
“Told you, I couldn’t wait, he he he. ‘M sorry for ending things a little early today. I think that new pet of mine is very eager to play. I promise, we’ll have more fun next time. See you soon, lovely.” You took your hand from Hyunjin to do your sign off and click the ending button. As soon as you did, he rumbled a moan you could tell he’d been dying to let out.
You spun in your chair to face him entirely and spread your legs again. Just as you did, his fist sped up, no longer caring about the noise he made. Rubbing at your clit was his last straw, looking up at him with those desperate, watery eyes.
“Cum, baby. I need you.” The breathy whine, you almost begging him, Hyunjin panicked for a second until you gestured at your cunt, “but if you make a mess, you clean it up, pet.”
He didn’t hesitate even after knowing the consequences. But to Hyunjin, getting to lick his cum off your pussy was definitely not a consequence he’d ever complain about. “Ah– shit, gonna cum– fuck, you’re so pretty. Such a pretty pussy, oh my god, thank you, thank you, thank you.”
Within the few inches closer he came, he couldn’t hold back his orgasm any longer and initially missed the first rope or two of cum and splattered it over your thighs, the rest then spreading between your folds with every rub of your fingers on your clit, making even more of a mess than necessary. It was so warm and slippery, your eyes fluttered for a second at the sensation. But you wanted more, too needy to even think about what could come from this.
Before Hyunjin had entirely come down, you reached up to push him down by the shoulders, bringing him to his knees with his face in front of your puffy cunt. He was ready to go to town, but still waited for you to tell him that it was okay. And at just a nod and a small moan, he dove in, licking his seed off your pussy like frosting on a cake. He didn’t know he could taste so sweet when your juices mixed with his.
And dear fucking god, how warm you were. He wasn’t sure where he wanted to start and just sort of went in everywhere. Fat tongue licking stripes up and down and covering every inch he possibly could, messily lathering your bundle of nerves in his saliva just to make it sound sloppier when he finally suctioned it between his lips. He was a master at that, you knew his lips wouldn’t fail to make your legs shake. You wanted to tangle your fingers in his hair, but even that felt like crossing a line.
Was there really a line, though, now that his head was between your legs? It didn’t matter right now, he was doing too good of a job for you to worry about the after part.
Hyunjin slurped and suckled on you until you were moaning out for him, gripping at the armrests of your desk chair and borderline screaming because he was just what you needed. He looked up at you between breaths, smiling into your pussy while softly palming at his cock again. Taking a second for you to gather yourself, he licked up the leftover cum that covered your thighs, gently kissing his way back to where you wanted him.
Even if it was only a few seconds he’d pulled away, you whined when his lips connected to you again. It felt like a broken powerline, the electricity that coursed through you when he buried his face in your warmest parts.
As he sucked in, the tip of his tongue wiggled softly over your clit, and that strange, wonderful feeling made your hands shoot out to grab onto his hair, gripping onto it so tightly that the brief idea it might rip out did cross your mind. Just for a split second, though, because he didn’t stop even as you tugged him in closer, as close as physically possible without your bodies somehow miraculously phasing into one another.
“Fuck, fuck fuck– don’t stop, baby. Fuck, ‘m gonna cum. Don’t you dare fucking stop.” He hummed in acknowledgement, and that little detail is what sent you flying over the handlebars and face first into the pavement for your orgasm to clean sweep through your body. The heat overtook every one of your nerves to make you unsure of whether or not you were completely silent in bliss or screaming at the top of your lungs from the intense euphoria.
Has it always been like that? Were your orgasms always that… vivid? If that’s even the right word for it. Part of you didn’t want to let him go even after the high subsided, content with just running your fingers through his hair. Hyunjin didn’t seem to mind, he was mindlessly kitten licking the rest of his cum off the parts of you he’d missed, head contently laid in the crook of your pelvis. As your heart rate slowed, you tapped the top of his head gently so you could look at him properly.
The bottom half of his face was glistening in juices, yours, his, probably mostly yours. But also, his cheeks were a bright red to match the tops of his ears, and his gaze was no longer carnal but plainly tender, stars and warm pink mood lights making him sparkle. Kindly, you leaned forward to take his chin in your hand and swipe the lingering fluids from his lips and Hyunjin smiled.
“Did so good,” you cooed. He leaned his head into your palm. “Wanna, maybe, shower?”
“Mhm.”
You helped him to stand up and guide him into the bathroom to start the water. He was shaky without your being there to stabilize him, probably more sensitive than he was letting on. When you turned to leave, he reached out for your arm. “Just getting us some towels,” Hyunjin nodded and awkwardly waited in the middle of the bathroom until you returned. His face lit up seeing the multiple towels in your hand.
“You’re coming in with me?”
“Of course,” setting them down and opening the shower door for him to enter. “What kind of host would I be if I didn’t?”
Your apartment only had one bathroom, all of the stuff in here was yours. Your soap, your shampoo, all of your hair masks and body exfoliators, it was just you. Prospectively, Hyunjin knew he shouldn’t get his hopes up about this, about you helping him. You were just doing a service. But then again, you also contradicted yourself. He hadn’t prepared to touch you today, let alone even come into your apartment. This was unfamiliar territory. Does he thank you? Does he kiss you? God, he wants to kiss you. Does he ask what you are now?
You maneuvered him under the water first, gently tilting his head back to let the stream soak his hair. It ran down his cheeks, down his chest and body as his eyes quietly closed under the warmth of the water and your hands. Your touch was feather light, he might’ve thought he was daydreaming if you weren’t softly instructing him when you wanted him to move. Even that put him into such a dream-like, hazy state. If this was all that was to come from meeting you, he wouldn’t mind.
The lather of the shampoo filled his nostrils to make him open his eyes, seeing you bubbling it between your hands. Hyunjin’s only thought in his head was how beautiful you were, skin damp and wet, rosy cheeks, so domestic and loving. He didn’t notice the small grin playing along his lips when you reached up to massage the shampoo into his hair. You smiled back, though. Just briefly, but he saw it. Warmth filled his chest and pushed his head harder into your hands. “Smells good,” he murmured.
“Do you like orange blossoms?”
“Is that what it is?” He didn’t care enough to look away from your face.
“Mhm.” You were finished with the task much sooner than he wanted. Just as you were about to reach for the body wash, he put his hands on your shoulders to switch places. You stood under the water with a confused expression. “You don’t have to do that,” you said softly while he grabbed the shampoo bottle.
“I want to.”
His attempt at washing your hair was nowhere near as tranquil for you as it was for him. He did his best, but didn’t put enough shampoo in his hands and had to keep going back for more, dropping the bottle a few times. It made you laugh, your sweet giggles making his embarrassment worth it. When he tried to help you rinse it out, he forgot to put his hand on your forehead to keep the suds from getting into your eyes, embarrassment rushing immediately back. Even then, you laughed and smiled and went along with the domestic role playing for as long as he wanted.
It made his heart flutter the most as it was time to cleanse his body. Your hands running up and down, feeling him everywhere, even the most intimate of places. You asked him if it was okay first before traversing further south. Honestly, he didn’t mind you touching him there, even if he was flaccid. For some reason, he trusted you. The way you spoke before about intimacy and human connections made every minute detail feel larger than it was. Like he was connected to a set of strings, being pulled in any direction you wanted and manipulating his every move, he didn’t care, not when it was you controlling him this way. Hyunjin was ready to do anything you asked. He wasn’t even thinking about sex as your fingers grazed his soft cock to get to his thighs. Not so much as a twitch when you looked down at his private area to make sure you rinsed everything thoroughly. That’s not because he suddenly wasn’t attracted to you, but because he was so fucking attracted to you that he didn’t feel the need to think about sex every second he was with you to maintain that attraction. It was a rare emotion to feel, and desperately held onto it.
For you, you were masking the little pang of hurt when there was no physical reaction to being in the shower with you. He didn’t so much as try to kiss you, didn’t try to touch you other than shampooing your hair and hardly laying a finger on you to soap.
It was the post nut clarity. It happens every time. Why did you think he’d be any different? There was one thing all men wanted. He got it, on to the next.
Men are selfish. Which is why he jumped at the opportunity to leave after the two of you were done cleaning up. It went similar to your usual interaction with male partners;
“Did you want to stay the night? In case you’re too tired?”
“No, no, I should get home. I don’t wanna overstay my welcome.”
“It’s no trouble.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea…”
He changed, took one of your offered snacks for the road, and left.
And you weren’t planning to ever show your face in that coffee shop ever again.
Hyunjin was skipping home after leaving your place. He had a plan to get you to want to see him again. The only reason you didn’t take him up on your offer of staying the night was because he didn’t want you to think he wanted to go further. He’d snuck one of the other specially doodle cardboard cup sleeves he kept in his apron onto your cam desk with his phone number written on it, also a sweet message that would hopefully make you smile.
He’d fought the urge to kiss you all night, really kiss you. Not the “I wanna stick my dick in you,” kind of kiss, but the “I wanna make you breakfast in the morning and lend you my sweaters so they smell like you,” kind of kiss. All he thought about the whole walk home was just that, he was literally skipping down the sidewalk.
When he came home his roommates asked why he was so late and why he looked so disgustingly happy. Glowing was how Seungmin put it. Hyunjin was absolutely glowing.
But that glow faded over the next few days when you didn’t call him. You didn’t come into the coffee shop. You were still doing your usual streams, and that stung a little, seeing you but not seeing you. He should’ve asked for your phone number instead of leaving his. God, that was so fucking stupid of him to do.
Maybe he misread the entire situation. You got yours, he got his, there was no reason for you to ever speak again. That had to have been the reason you never reached out. And it fucking sucked. He hated it. He had a taste of you– literally tasted you– and was forced to quit you dead cold. It was miserable. He was miserable. The strings were cut and he was a lifeless piece of hollowed out wood. He tipped you during your streams just like before, he knew you knew it was him, but you slowly stopped acknowledging it. Hyunjin didn’t quit, he kept telling you how much he wanted you in the only way he knew how. Until you told him you didn’t want him, he was going to try.
Then Seungmin, ever the big brained menace he is, suggested that he should just stop by your place. Seungmin didn’t know details, he didn’t know who you were or what your job was, just that his roommate was sulking over a girl that was purposefully ignoring him. Hyunjin’s roommate didn’t think the barista would take it literally.
After Hyunjin got off work the next day, he made your favorite drink and even used one of his weekly free bakery items to bring as an extra apology gift. He picked up some flowers from a nearby floral shop, had them write your name in that pretty cursive and it even made the worker blush. They told him, “whoever these are for must either be very special or about to get a hefty apology.”
Hyunjin answered, “both.”
He wasn’t even sure if you’d be home, it wasn’t one of your streaming nights. Still, he hoped and prayed that you were. Hyunjin hesitated to knock, he hadn’t seen you in person in a week and felt the anxiety bubbling in his belly. But he missed you, more than he’d ever missed anyone. If he felt like this now, what was he to do if you were home and rejected him a second time? He doesn’t know if he could handle that.
Still, he found the courage to knock, barely audible but loud enough that you came to the door. Hyunjin stood up straighter, took a deep breath, and waited for the door to swing open. But it didn’t. Did you trip and fall? Did you need help? He swears that it was your footsteps he heard coming.
He stood in waiting, returning to holding his breath after knocking one more time. Nothing came.
summary: An aspiring journalist, you are the news editor for The Uni Chronicles; the campus newspaper, popular for delivering breaking news at the drop of a hat and providing detailed articles about the various happenings around your university. You think you’ve covered every story there was to cover before you’re tasked with producing an in-depth editorial on a student whose name is on everyone’s lips—Hwang Hyunjin.
a/n: some aftermath and some buildup for the big day to come! the tournament is here!! a lot is about to go down, so the next chapter will be written. please be patient while I work on it, I really wanna make this next one good :] let me know your thoughts, and thank you for all the feedback and love as always 💕
the only thing you've wanted to do since you were young was play video games--not in that 'living in your mom's basement with nothing better to do' kind of way. you wanted to be a professional e-sports player. when the manager of your favorite professional e-sports team messages you, asking if you would like to join their team, it feels like all of your dreams are coming true. but being a professional gamer comes with drama all it's own when you come face to face with your ex-boyfriend--the support on your rival team.
MINORS DNI & PLEASE DO NOT SPAM LIKE !
🎮 kana's notes ! just a short little chapter but an important one !!!! you guys might hate me for this one...... oops
🎮 warnings ! cursing
🎮 words ! 580
🎮 taglist ! CLOSED. please do not ask to be added to the taglist as of 07/10/2023. any entries to my taglist form after this date will not be added ! thank you for understanding !
Minho hated how stifled he felt in his mother’s office. He hated how it had no personality, hated how it looked like she was hardly ever there, hated that it reminded him of his childhood home. He hated that he arrived early and she was now fifteen minutes later than the time she had asked him to arrive. He hated that he felt anxious about seeing her.
“Minho,” her voice snapped him out of his thoughts and he looked toward the door she walked through, shoving his hands into his pockets. He didn’t bow. She didn’t deserve it, he thought. “You made it. How have you been?”
“Let’s skip the small talk. What’s this “solution” you’ve come up with?”
She laughed a little, not at all phased by her son’s dismissive tone. “Hardly even a hello. Oh, you haven’t changed at all. Well, the idea wasn’t solely mine. You can thank Haneul for it.”
Minho blanched as the door to his mother’s office opened again and Haneul walked in. This could not be happening. He was dreaming. It was a nightmare and he’d wake up soon from it. He glared at her, crossing his arms and turning back to his mother. “What the fuck is she doing here?”
“Don’t talk like that, Minho,” his mother warned, glaring right back at him. “Haneul was the one who presented us with an idea to get the press off your back. And off that girl teammate’s of yours. You will date Haneul. What better way to diffuse a dating scandal than to reveal you’re already in a relationship? And you don’t get to say no. This is for the good of your team’s reputation, your reputation, and mine.”
“Are you serious? Haneul’s probably the reason all these fucking rumors are spreading in the first place!” Minho yelled, frustration seeping through his usually calm demeanor.
“Whatever do you mean?”
“She’s, like, obsessed with me! We dated once and it didn’t work out so we broke up and she can’t seem to accept that!”
Haneul huffed and crossed her own arms, looking at Minho’s mother with a careful pout on her lips. “But this is the best way to get the press to debunk the story—”
“It’s not! Those pictures aren’t even of yn and me. And we can prove that! Why do we have to take this route?”
“Minho,” his mother sighed. “You know how I’ve always wanted you to marry and continue our family line. This could be the start of that. You clearly won’t do it yourself, so I’m taking it upon myself to set you up with a nice girl. With Haneul. And, as I mentioned before, you can’t say no. The contract has already been signed.”
Minho’s jaw dropped. “The what? You signed a fucking contract regarding my love life without consulting me? What is wrong with you?”
“I knew you’d say no and we’re in no position for that right now, Minho. So behave and do as you’re told or we’ll have to fire yn from SKZ.”
That made him go quiet. His mother hummed thoughtfully. They may not be dating, she figured, but her son definitely cared for the team’s midlaner more than he cared to admit. It was that care that had gotten them into this trouble in the first place. She couldn’t let it happen.
“It’s decided then,” she stood, leaving her desk and making for the office door. “As of right now you’re dating Haneul.”
His head snaps up to you, “Y/N… I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m gonna sleep outside, okay?”
You’re the one to wrap their fingers around his wrist now, pulling him towards the van. “Nooo, it’s too cold. You’re gonna get sick. Stay a little longer?”
He sighs, “Okay.”
🥝 SYNOPSIS: After graduating from college, you decide to travel around New Zealand and celebrate your freedom. But when you buy a van for the journey, the salesman scams you, selling the exact same car to both you and another person who’s no other than your childhood best friend you haven’t seen in years—and still have a huge crush on…
This is my entry for @skzwritingcafe 's July/August event “Summertime Confessions”! (I am a little over the deadline but still wanted to post this since the event inspired me to pick up this WIP again)
🌴 CONTENT INFO: chan x afab reader, dj chan, childhood friends to enemies to lovers, travel au, only one bed trope, fluff/angst/smut, mutual pining, based on a dream I had about my childhood best friend whose name happens to be felix but I changed this story to chan lmao, prices for cars might be unrealistic but a) i don’t own a car and b) i don’t know that much about new zealand’s economy (i did research tho!!), warnings and smut tags under the cut
🛻 WORD COUNT: 12.0K
🗺️ CONTENT WARNING: alcohol consumption (also includes excessive consumption once as well as mention of underage drinking in the past), short mention of breakup, scam/fraud, jealousy (both chan and reader), reader once calls chan daddy but sarcastically and non-sexually lmao
🧩 SMUT: dom/sub dynamics, fingering, oral (f receiving), semi-protected sex, choking, spanking, creampie, name calling (doll, dear, slut, good girl)
The characters do not portray any of the skz members in real life, the names are just used for fiction. Minors do not interact, this post contains mature topics. By reading you consent to nsfw content and agree that you have read all the warnings above carefully.
Well. That’s a bumpy journey so far. What a start.
A drink spilled all over your shirt, crumbs of crisps in your hair and a bruise on your knee. And if this isn’t already too much for your stressed out and anxious heart—the man you’ve never ever expected to see again stands right in front of you.
But let’s start again from the beginning and how you ended up here. A quick recap, shall we?
Exactly one week and three days ago you finally graduated from college. Hard work pays off—more or less—and since your new full time job will start in a month, you finally have a little bit of vacation in what feels like years.
So, that’s how you found yourself spontaneously booking a flight to Auckland, ready to spend some time and money traveling through New Zealand’s nature and taking in all the landscapes you’ve dreamt about. You just need this—need to do something different before you will actually start being an adult and drown in boring everyday life.
The flight went quite well but the airport you arrived at was a disaster—due to many delays of other connections you had to wait for your huge backpack for a few hours, totally exhausted and tired from the trip. The hostel you have reserved a bed in for your first night is overbooked and now you have to share the room with ten other people. Well, that is a normal hostel situation but you're just too sleepy to deal with anyone right now.
Which is why it’s ironic that you’re out of all places at a club instead. But no matter how tired you are, it was too noisy in the bedroom so you decided to go out again, hoping to get a little more tired so that you will be able to pass out due to exhaustion and fall into a deep slumber once you’re back.
And then the snowball effect hits you—the people in here are already drunk, too drunk, and possibly on other substances and you arrived sober. Spontaneous ideas aren’t your thing and maybe that's why you underestimated that whole scenario.
The music is quite good though and the drinks aren’t expensive as you would have thought—although they are still ridiculously high in alcohol percentage. So, you stick to sipping on one beer throughout your first hour of being here.
Every man inside here seems to pretend he’s in a zoo, hunting for the next woman that accidentally looks in his direction. It’s disgusting, really.
God. This is a very touristy place. Yes, you are a tourist, too. It doesn’t make any sense but you’re not here to make any sense. You’re here to forget about your exhausting travel to Auckland and you’re here to forget about the past two months or rather your whole life.
It’s a shame he’s still under your skin. That stupid ex boyfriend that decided to break up with you during the last week of you writing your thesis. You still managed to finish on time but you’ve been an emotional wreck ever since.
That was a lie. You’ve always been an emotional wreck but you developed to a whole new level.
However—that’s why you’re here now. Ready for a fresh start. Ready to possibly get a little tipsy and enjoy the music. At least the DJ is doing a good job. You seriously would have expected them to play some shitty cheap produced rap music or whatever young people listen to these days.
All those kids from far away that search for the meaning of life after highschool graduation by exploring either New Zealand or Australia—of course, far away from home, thinking they will come back with a whole new personality.
Well… the longer you think about that harsh thesis, the more you realise the irony layered in your thoughts. This might, partly, apply to you too.
Nevertheless, you didn’t come all the way to New Zealand and crossed the Tasman Sea to worry until your last brain cell melts.
You’re here to forget.
You’re here for a fresh start.
Far away from the troubles. Far away from your past. Far away from Sydney.
And everything that connects with this.
Maybe, the best thing is probably to get another drink—which is more than beer—one or two will be enough. After all, you don’t want to get shitfaced on the first night and the hot temperatures will do the rest anyway. You’ve got an important appointment tomorrow and need to appear at your best.
Heading towards the bar, you ignore the comments of the men that get a little annoyed about you pushing them to the side to get to your destination. Maybe they would react differently, if you gently shoved them aside, placing your hand on their lower back or—accidentally, of course—even a little more south.
After all, that’s what they usually do when the roles are reversed, right?
You manage to get to the bar, a little furious and still way too sober, someone’s drink spilled over your shirt and some crisps in your hair, but you waste no time and order your favourite drink.
You rummage around in your little purse, fishing out your wallet. Opening the pocket in which you stow away your coins, your fingers stumble across a shimmering object.
You’re not surprised. Yes, even after all these years you still have that necklace, carrying it with you wherever you go. You wonder if the magnet still works, if the charm would connect to its opposite one—the one that is owned by someone else. Of course, in case that person hasn’t thrown their necklace away yet. Which you’re convinced they have.
An hour and two drinks in, you’re hovering over the dance floor, still very much enjoying the great choice of music until the unexpected happens.
You take a closer look at the DJ, deeply mesmerised by his skills—when it clicks.
It’s him.
It’s really him.
The one and only Christopher Bang.
He looks so different but he also looks the same. His dimples are visible even in the dim light of the club. He wears his hair curly and black again—he used to straighten it a lot back then and occasionally get it bleached with your help. His face is filled with some piercings, his arms are decorated with tattoos.
His… wow. His arms.
Going to the gym and swimming must pay off.
But the worst part is…
You believe you’re gonna fall for him all over again.
And then his gaze meets yours.
Fuck.
You should have been more careful. Pretending this didn’t happen, you focus on the drink in your hand, watching the ice cubes swirl around when you stir the straw.
Until the unexpected happens once again.
He plays your favourite song.
Kiwi. Yes, you were a Harry Styles girl back then and even though eighteen year old Chan was too cool to admit it, he liked his music too.
What you don’t know is that Kiwi is still number one of his most listened songs on Spotify of all time until this day.
2017. Your last year of highschool. You listened to it all the time.
When Chan and you were cramming for your finals. When that guy from your chemistry class broke your heart. When you realised that you’re in love with your best friend.
You’ve always thought the both of you would end up together. Everyone thought so.
It’s an absolute cliché. You met when you were only one year old in kindergarten. Your mothers were best friends, glad about the fact the two of you could grow up together. Of course, they’ve always made some sort of joke about it—how Chan would marry you once you would be older.
For a long time you thought so, too.
He was your first kiss. Rather an experimental one when you were sixteen and just wanted to get it over with.
You had already had a small crush on him at that time and wondered, if he would return those feelings after making out with you. For a second you were so sure about it. You will never forget about the sparkles in his eyes when he let go of you again, lips even puffier than before from all the kissing.
Then he went on a date with Maya and everything went downhill.
That was in eleventh grade. They dated until your last year of highschool while you throughout that time… well, made zero experiences.
However, in eleventh grade as well, Chan started bringing you to Friday evening parties at the nearby beach. The people with you were other students from your year but they were Chan’s friends and not really yours. Those meetings basically only consisted of getting drunk in the sun and moonlight.
Maya was always there, too. For two years. Jealousy was basically eating you alive at that point but you obviously didn’t want to destroy Chan’s relationship. He seemed so happy. He really was. But you weren’t the one responsible for that.
One night at the beach, one of your classmates—Minho—and you got a little closer than planned. He used to be popular for being the typical high school fuckboy, quite known for changing his girlfriends every other week.
Of course, you fell for it, too. You’ve never regretted it. Although losing your virginity to him a week before graduating, right in the open, in the woods near the beach wasn’t the most romantic experience. But he was gentle. He made you feel wanted and loved although he was far from having any serious feelings for you.
But that was okay. You were still in love with Chan anyway.
This whole thing went on until the start of college and during that summer, your back then still best friend caught Minho and you one night.
Maya and him broke up some weeks after graduation since she was about to start studying in Japan and the relationship was basically doomed. There was another reason that you’ve never known about that also caused their bond to crumble.
Chan’s feelings for you.
But, well, it was too late now anyway. Even if there wasn’t Minho, Chan was still about to go to another country as well, leaving you in Sydney.
You get dragged back into reality when the song ends. However, your former best friend is still looking at you—a huge smirk decorating his beautiful face.
It’s an instinct kicking in. Survival mode, if you will. You turn around, almost bumping into a group of guys.
Downing the rest of your drink, you place the empty glass on some random table before making your way out of the building.
The way back to the hostel is a blur. You realise a little late that your eyes are stained with tears, ready to flood down like a waterfall.
You’ve never expected to see him again.
Well, you probably won’t another time after tonight. There’s no way you’re gonna go back into that club again.
🥝
You’ve underestimated the impact of seeing Chan again for a quick second. Your dreams were wild—partly in a bad way, partly in an embarrassing way that you don’t want to think about.
However, the fact that there’s a superstition that says that whatever you dream about when sleeping in a bed for the first time turns into reality, lets the spiral of worrying wander further.
Fuck. All these years in college you thought you were finally over him.
But Chan was your first love. The older you’ve grown, the more you have realised he has always been more than just a crush.
But well—you missed that chance.
You’re torn between regretting leaving the club so impulsive and being convinced it was the right decision. You could spend the whole day wondering what would have happened if you stayed.
But well—you missed that chance once again.
After putting all your stuff into your huge backpack, you get ready for the day—taking an unfortunate ice cold shower in the shared bathroom and choosing a comfortable outfit—and leave the hostel once you’re ready.
The next bus brings you to a car dealership you made an appointment with online for today.
Because—you of course can’t start a van tour experience without a van, right?
You usually listen to your gut feeling and in at least nine out of ten cases it’s very dependable. However, with all the overthinking going on, your brain decides to ignore the fact that something about this store and the owner in specific feels… off. Quite oddinary.
The vans all look good, especially the emerald coloured one he is currently showing and presenting to you but you really should have spent at least a minute to look into the Google reviews… because they are either bad or fake. But you’re not aware of that.
You need a car anyway, it’ll be fine.
As long as the car functions and doesn’t cost you your whole year’s income, it’ll be okay.
“What do you say?” the salesman asks you, pointing at another vehicle in a similar shade to the previous one.
“Oh, I love the colour. What a beautiful green,” you tell him.
“It is! And it’s pretty spacious although it doesn’t look like it,” he exclaims.
The man walks around the car and opens it with the keys—he realised you seem to prefer this colour and luckily he’s got a few pieces to offer with it.
“What does it include in the price? It seems pretty cheap,” you ask, realising after speaking how negative your words come off.
But you saw a sign that read $ 2750 and fairly speaking—that is not a lot for a vehicle like that. Not even if you consider that it’s secondhand.
“That’s just because of the vehicle’s age,” the man starts explaining. He opens the door on the side completely, showing off the inside. “It has all the necessities. A mattress, enough storage space, a built-in table that you can let down when you open the trunk and it comes with free camping chairs.”
You take your time to examine all the details, checking if everything works fine.
But there doesn’t seem to be a single issue. He allows you to drive for a few minutes, take a short trip through the parking lot and everything is indeed absolutely fine.
There will probably never be a chance like this. You should definitely purchase it.
Or at least your very sad bank account is whispering that to you.
“I’d like to buy this one.”
The salesman brings you back to his little office which takes you at least a five minute walk but you don’t mind. You get that he wants to sell the car first before handing the keys to you.
“$ 2500 and it’s yours,” he offers once you arrive at the destination, lowering the price a little.
And you’re not here to complain.
Oh, Y/N. You should see all those red flags but apparently you’re a little colour blind. Not a surprise, considering that car you’re about to buy is green.
Or is it?
You pick out your wallet to grab your credit card, when you stumble across the magnet necklace again.
After seeing Chan for a brief moment, you start wondering again, if he still owns that necklace or—possibly—even wears it.
Okay. Slow down, Y/N. It’s getting ridiculous and delusional.
The beeping sound of the payment terminal wakes you up again. The salesman hands you the receipt, before grabbing a metallic object that is hanging on the wall behind him.
“Here. The keys for you.”
“Thanks,” you say, giving him a kind smile.
“I have to thank you,” he replies. “I’m off work now, have a safe trip.”
Oh.
Well, you’re probably gonna find your way back to the car, right?
In a parking lot filled with what feels like thousands of vehicles.
The walk back takes you at least fifteen minutes but there’s no need to hurry anyway.
You’ve got your car. You’ve still got enough money. You’ve got a great journey ahead of you. Everything paid off for this moment. You manifested it and now you’re luck is within reach.
Arriving back at near car, you place your huge backpack on the ground for a second in order to grab a thin jacket—it’s gotten a little chilly and you have to adjust things in the new van first, prepare Google Maps and make a general plan before you’re ready to start the adventure.
You close the bag again, before you walk towards the green vehicle.
You walk closer. And even closer.
Until you spot someone behind the car, hovering a big backpack—that isn’t yours—into the trunk.
You check again if it’s indeed your car but from what you can tell it is the one that the salesman showed and—most importantly—sold to you. It’s the same shade of sage, the little lanterns are hanging inside and the mattress has the washed out grey colour from earlier.
It is your car. The keys fit and you remember all the details from half an hour ago.
You unlock the door on the driver’s side and place down your bottle of water, before you carefully lean the huge backpack against the car. The waist bag stays on, the little keychain with the kiwi dangling around.
“Oh, what a surprise.”
Oh, God.
No.
That is impossible.
The odds are basically zero. Minus one hundred, if you will.
But of all people who could have been here, doing something to the car you just bought, it’s none other than Christopher Bang.
“Hell, no,” you let out.
Your former best friend walks around the corner until he fills your vision completely. It allows you to take in his full figure. He is wearing a black tank top, showing off his ridiculously muscular arms and—of course—fucking grey sweatpants.
“Hell, yes,” he giggles.
But why the fuck did he just put his backpack into the trunk of your car.
How did he even get it in there? How did he open the door?
You keep wondering until two objects cross your gaze.
A key.
And a receipt.
For that exact pastel green vehicle that you just bought.
“He sold that car to the both of us?!”
“Seems like it,” Chan says, shrugging his shoulders.
“Aren’t you… annoyed?! He fucking scammed us!”
Your childhood friend is so different. It’s not just that he looks older, even more tired than he used to in his teenage years but he is behaving so strangely.
Chan used to be the dad of the group, the one who took care of everyone, the one that made sure to pack enough water, tissues, sunscreen and plasters—just in case. He was the first person you came to after a fight with your parents or after getting back a test you failed.
He used to be your anchor. He used to hold you close when the waves hit the shore, clinging onto you.
But from the short conversation you can tell that five years can do a lot to a person. It feels as if there’s someone standing in front of you that looks a little like Chan but isn’t actually him.
“We can go back, if that’s what you want. But I’m not leaving the car to you. I spent four grand on it,” he says.
Your former best friend crosses his arms in front of his chest—just like he used to when you were children. At least this gives you a bit of comfort and familiarity, although it’s pretty stupid.
Then another thing clicks and you giggle.
“What’s so funny, huh?”
Chan’s words come off way more annoyed than he intended. This is not how he imagined to meet you again. He’s dreamt about this day for such a long time now—both wanting to see you and to avoid you for the rest of his life.
After all, you were the one who didn’t show up at the airport when he went to Seoul five years ago. Sure, you weren’t on great terms back then—although you never got into a fight, simply stopped speaking as regularly as you used to—but he expected you, his oldest friend, to at least say goodbye.
He’s still convinced it was because of Minho. Even though it didn’t seem that serious in the beginning, Chan has been wondering throughout all these years if that guy turned into your boyfriend.
But seeing you here alone lets those chances shrink.
Similar to his patience.
Opposite to those feelings that are reborn inside his heart.
“I only paid $ 2500,” you tell him.
Yeah, Chan definitely made a very bad deal here, for sure.
“Then you should leave it to me,” he replies with a smirk.
“Oh, no. Forget that.”
You turn around on your feet, yanking the door open to reach for your water bottle. Downing most of the liquid, you throw it back onto the seat.
Chan is still standing there, watching every move with a smile that turns into a smug whenever your vision crosses his.
“Then we should talk to him,” he offers.
Chan isn’t an asshole. He won’t take the car away from you. Besides that, he got scammed, too.
“He left the lot… said his work day is over,” you share, letting your gaze meet the dirty floor you’re standing on.
“What a coincidence… not.”
Chan lets his head sink down as well, feeling defeated. It could be such a great, almost romantic, reunion but something seems off.
You’re so different.
It feels as if there’s someone standing in front of him that looks a little like you but isn’t actually you.
“What do you want us to do?” he asks, his voice turning a little smaller.
“I’m not gonna be in a car together with you,” you immediately let out.
Chan wants to be respectful. That’s just how he is or, well, how he used to be. Five years can do a lot to a person, being left without a goodbye can break a heart—even of those who seem to be the strongest.
He won’t let you go. Hit two birds with a stone. He could tease you for two reasons—revenge and regret.
Of course, Chan was the one who used to be in an almost two year long relationship with another girl but that was before his feelings. At least that’s what he’s telling himself, up until this day, secretly knowing it’s not the truth.
It’s not entirely your fault. Even though Chan is convinced that you have never reciprocated those feelings at some point, he still feels awful for kind of ignoring you as his best friend once Maya and him became a couple.
He dragged you to all those bad parties at the beach and then complained that you decided to have your own fun with Minho.
Chan is such an idiot. He knows that.
That’s why he decides to take his chance this time instead of letting it slip.
“It doesn’t seem like you have another option, doll.”
Doll.
That’s new.
Chan used to have many nicknames for you.
Angel. Dear. Honey. Darling.
All platonic—of course.
Something tells you he’s only using it to tease you and you might be right about that.
“Let’s just drive together for the first—I don’t know—few days, we’ll get some money and then we’ll buy a second car, okay?”
His offer is the most rational option.
You don’t have enough money to buy another car and even if you were able to, you wouldn’t. The both of you got scammed and the salesman is nowhere to be found. So, just make the best of it and pray that you’ll get a second vehicle as soon as possible.
Or well—let him get the money for that. This isn't how you envisioned your trip, after all.
“I’m on vacation here. I wasn’t planning on getting a job and even if I was, I doubt I will find something that pays well,” you say.
Chan sighs, getting a little closer to you, mainly out of habit. Your heart skips a beat, nevertheless.
“I’m working as a DJ tonight again. In a club by the coast in Tauranga. I heard they hire for other jobs as well,” he informs you.
Shit. Unfortunately—or fortunately, however you view it—that is your next stop on your route anyway.
“What jobs?” you ask then.
He chuckles, a little embarrassed this time, while he simultaneously scratches the back of his head.
“Uhm… dancers.”
His voice is so quiet, almost inaudible, as if he’s hiding something.
“Dancers?”
“Well, yeah… more like… strippers but not exactly,” he replies with a shy smile.
“Yeah—no. I am not doing that,” you instantly shoot back.
Chan sighs again, looking up to the blue sky until his eyes meet yours.
“Well, either that or you have to spend additional days with me. The choice is yours.”
That fucking smirk.
He is already getting on your last nerve.
How the fuck are you supposed to survive this?
Maybe you should indeed drive a little with him—just for a few kilometres until you stop at a gas station and accidentally leave him there when he goes into the store to pay.
That sounds like a plan.
“Get in the car, then.”
🥝
You haven’t abandoned Chan yet as if he’s some dumb little puppy—although that isn’t far from reality, considering how he follows you everywhere and seems to constantly crave your attention.
The only hour of the day that he didn’t spend annoying the shit out of you was when you made a stop at the Hobbiton Movie Set to participate in a tour that he booked. He paid for your ticket since it was his idea and wish to join the journey but you would have rather had him save the money for the second car you need to buy.
However, it reminded you of your childhood—when Chan and you used to do Lord Of The Rings movie marathons. It had always been a tradition, an annual celebration, if you will. Until your paths separated.
You’ve spent a lot of time suppressing those thoughts, pushing away your guilty conscience that told you it was your fault how things ended. After all, you were the one who didn’t say goodbye. Something tells you this is why Chan has been teasing you since yesterday.
But in your opinion this isn’t the full story. Sure, you were the one to cut things off—or rather ghosted him—but he was the main responsible part of why your friendship started to crumble.
God, you were so dumb back then. Well, you were teenagers and they tend to be a little dense and stupid.
You keep wondering how things would be if the both of you would have been able to communicate.
But then again—you believe a little too much in destiny and it can’t be a coincidence that Chan and you met again. Twice. Just when you’re entering a new stage, when you’re finally at a point in your life that isn’t the most satisfying and happiest but you can say that you’re the truest form of yourself that you have ever been.
Maybe it’s meant to be.
However, you’re not ready yet to fully grasp that idea.
“Kiwi juice?”
Your head snaps towards Chan, who is sitting in the driver’s seat. You switched after the Hobbit adventure, currently on your way to the beach in Tauranga.
“Hm?”
He offers you the paper carton in his hands.
Fuck. Those pretty hands. You could get lost at the sight.
“You want some? It’s the brand from… when we were younger,” he says, taking a little pause in between the words.
He’s nostalgic, he can’t deny it.
Chan has been wondering if it can really be a coincidence that the both of you met again.
Twice within twelve hours.
“Oh, sure,” you say, reaching for the juice. Your hand brushes his for a second in the process and your heart skips a beat, synchronising with Chan’s a second later.
When his gaze switches back to the road ahead of him, yours stays fixated on his face. You think he doesn’t notice but he does. However, this time he holds back that teasing comment that is tingling his tongue.
Happiness erupts on your face, when you taste the kiwi juice again for the first time. They’ve always been your favourite fruit—of course—and it would be a lie if you said this didn’t have an impact on you for choosing New Zealand as your travel destination after graduation.
“Is good?”
You nod, smiling at Chan and he gives you the same expression. It feels so natural—you look back into those same beautiful brown eyes from five years ago.
A thin pink layer appears on his cheeks and Chan is fast to bring his attention back to the street.
You can’t hold back the enormous smirk that is decorating your face now.
The journey flies by, until you reach the campsite and search for a nice spot to stop the car. Just when he’s about to turn off the engine, no other song that Harry Styles’ Kiwi is playing again. The both of you chuckle, suddenly feeling some kind of connection again.
Oh, Lord. That is gonna be an interesting evening.
Especially, once you remember the job Chan mentioned.
“Wait–“ you say, when you have gotten dressed and join Chan again who is currently busy preparing some dinner.
“What is it? You don’t like pasta anymore?”
You take a closer look at the dish he is currently cooking, as the delicious scents start entering your nostrils. Nostalgia hits you like a fucking train on highspeed once more.
“I– I do, that’s not what I meant.” Sinking down on the seat next to Chan, you help him place down the plates and cutlery. “I am… I don’t think I can do this… dancing job. I know it’s unfair if only you are working, especially since you spent the most on this car but I just can’t–“
“Woah, slow down,” Chan says. “I’m sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what has gotten into me earlier, I just wanted to… tease you, I guess. The club does hire dancers but you seriously don’t have to do this.”
“Okay,” you let out with a small voice and relief washing down your spine.
The pasta is finally ready and served. Chan’s cooking skills seem to have improved by at least ten levels since high school and you compliment him, causing the blush to come back to his cheeks again.
“Do you still want to come to the club with me, though?” he asks or rather offers.
You’re unsure. If you’re honest, you’re not in the mood right now for partying, you would rather have some introvert time and maybe you can get that once Chan leaves to work.
“I… I think I’m gonna lay down for a bit, I’m still tired from yesterday, the flight to Auckland was kinda exhausting.”
What a pity. He would have loved to have you there. Now that Chan has finally gained some confidence and feels the chemistry between the both of you come back to what it used to be—although so many things are still left unspoken—it would have been a great chance to at least build some trust again.
He kind of regrets annoying you in the beginning, pretending to be some douchebag although you deserved the initial teasing. But he rather wants to get closer to you all naturally and he does still believe that the both of you meeting is a sign. A fucking obvious neon sign.
It is ridiculous that after all these years, his feelings haven’t changed in the slightest for you.
He hopes that he won’t make that much money tonight so that you have to travel around together for a little longer.
“Sure. The club is straight this way, like two hundred meters, in case you change your mind.”
🥝
You did change your mind. A nap later and the clock hitting half past midnight, you decide to at least check out the venue. Getting ready takes you a little longer than expected but this can mainly be blamed on the way you packed your things in the huge bag.
You decide to go for a dark shirt combined with a skirt that has pockets—yes, pockets! Your favourite sneakers complete the look and transport you to the club. You follow the sandy path until you reach your destination.
Considering the night is already in full swing, it doesn’t take the employees long to check your ID and sell you a ticket. The venue is partly in the open—turning this into a party by the coast. A lot of people got rid of their initial outfit, deciding to stay in their swimwear. You’re glad you did the same, choosing a bikini over a bra and panties as if you already expected it.
The atmosphere is phenomenal—you’re glad you came here. You missed being at the beach. It’s where you belong. It’s where you truly feel at home.
A beautiful melody fills your surroundings, immediately pulling you closer to the bar that is located near the stage. You order a drink, before you head back into the crowd of people.
Chan—busy showing off his skills—spotted you right away. Even in a gallery filled with the most beautiful art pieces, he’d still be staring at you.
You catch him observing you, allowing your eyes to connect with his and he gives you a soft smile. It’s when your two drinks into the night, that you notice a shift in the situation.
Of course, you aren’t the only person having alcohol and some fun and it’s a club at a very touristy place after all. So, you shouldn’t be surprised that a lot of people, especially women, are approaching Chan, probably asking for certain songs, complimenting him, flirting with him.
It’s mainly groups that try to start a conversation with him, giggling along whenever he replies to one of their questions. That’s fine. You’re fine.
He's a DJ. He is at work and just doing his job, maybe hoping to get tipped or something.
It’s alright. Really. Until those groups turn into individual women that gather up enough courage to talk to him alone. The conversations—despite the insane noise—become longer and he gets closer to them.
An hour passes and another hour follows, filled with girl after girl flirting with your former best friend.
Another one approaches him. She’s even more beautiful looking than the previous one and your stomach turns when you realise she looks a little like Maya.
It’s not her—without a doubt. But when you see the smile on Chan’s face and how he leans closer to her to catch what song she’s suggesting, you know he must have a type.
That type being quite the opposite of you.
You try to not read too much into his mimics, concentrating on the sound of the music roaming around and the taste of the alcohol on the tip of your tongue instead.
Then you see him reach for her phone, definitely typing down his number.
That’s it. You’ve had enough.
Why the fuck did you have to meet him again?
Why the fuck is he flirting with all these women?
Why the fuck is he flirting with you too?
And most importantly—why are you jealous?
You spin around on your feet, storming towards the bar. With your back turned to Chan, you don’t see the enormous smirk he has on his face once again. He’s not oblivious—he noticed you staring at him for literal hours and he would be lying if the very obvious jealousy that you are carrying isn’t the main reason for his flirting in the first place.
He enjoys seeing you like this. Chan would have never believed to be such a tease with someone but you seem to provoke a side of him that has been slumbering inside him, waiting to be woken up.
The women that approach him from now on finally become transparent—it’s not as if he’s seriously been interested in any of them, flirting is sometimes part of his job and you shouldn’t read too much into it. However, Chan will use whatever to his advantage when it comes to getting a reaction out of you.
In the meantime, you order a vodka shot at the bar, downing it in one go before you immediately get another one. And another one. In this angle, Chan can’t tell what and how much you’re drinking but when he sees you come back, dangerously confident, heading towards the dancing stage, he knows it’s more than you’re possibly able to handle.
There are other guests on the stage as well, having some fun, letting out their inner desires, getting loose. The paid dancers are somewhere else but it’s still ironic that you’re becoming the spotlight of the whole club now—after being all shy with dancing.
Chan is a bit worried, if that’s really what you want to do or just the alcohol speaking. But you seem to feel comfortable and you really enjoy what you’re doing, you can’t deny that. He still keeps an eye on you—both for caring but also absolutely selfish reasons.
It’s alluring, how you sway your hips to the melody of the songs he’s playing, how your body moves to the beat so perfectly. Chan knows you’ve always been into dancing and music but unfortunately were too insecure to show it.
You’re having the time of your life, you really are.
Until you feel that last shot kicking in, realising it was one too many.
Leaving the stage, you sit down on some sofa for a bit, feeling your head spin like a carousel. When Chan has chosen the following song and switches his gaze back to the dancers, he can’t find you anymore. Hastily, his eyes roam through the club and he feels his chest tighten in anxiety. Possibly, you just went to the bathroom but you are also extremely intoxicated.
Searching for a nearby colleague, he informs them that there is an emergency that he has to take care of. Not quite pleased, the person tells him that if he leaves now, he will be fired from the job.
But Chan doesn’t care. All he cares about is you and your well-being.
He knows you enough to know that you tend to underestimate the effect alcohol has on your body, at least it’s been like this when you were teenagers. Leaving his own stage, he starts searching for you.
You’re not sitting on the sofa anymore. A kind girl gave you a bottle of tap water and offered to comfort you, however, your emotions washed over you, making you rush towards the beach. She follows you, wanting to know you’re okay.
That’s where Chan finds you, lying in the sand, absolutely shit-faced. The girl next to you immediately senses him approaching you and enters defending mode.
“Who are you?”
He realises now how weird the situation for her must be. He’s a man she hasn’t seen with you before, so of course, hesitation is the right option.
“I’m her friend, just wanted to make sure she’s okay,” he explains.
Chan feels awful for not grasping it sooner. Sure, it was comforting seeing you have fun but he underestimated it. But then again—how was he supposed to help you while being at work?
He’s here now. That’s what counts.
“You really think I would believe that, hm? Any guy could just say that, you better leave her alone,” the girl says, severely annoyed by Chan and worried about you.
“Yeji… it’s good,” you tell her, “I know him. We are on vacation together, we’re childhood friends.”
She lets out a relieved sigh, giving Chan a small smile and telling him to sit down next to you as well.
Unfortunately, in your drunken state you don’t notice him getting closer because, if you did, you wouldn’t say those following words at such a high volume, when you lean towards Yeji.
“I have a huuuge crush on him but he doesn’t seem to notice.”
Chan’s heart stops beating.
What?
This can’t be. His pulse is running at the speed of light and he feels himself getting dizzy now, despite not having even a single drop of alcohol in his system.
“Okay, so you’re good?” Yeji asks.
You nod and pull her into a hug.
“You’ve got my number, just in case, okay?” she says, before saying goodbye and leaving you alone with your friend.
Chan makes sure you drink the rest of the water until the bottle is empty, as he watches the shimmer of the night sky reflect in your eyes.
“Y/N,” he begins.
“Huh?”
You look at him with big eyes, almost like a deer that stops in the middle of the street when a car approaches the animal.
“Let’s go back,” he says, getting up from the ground. Chan offers you his hand and helps you stand on your feet again. You’re stumbling a little but he makes sure to help you gain back your balance, holding your figure.
“Dancing? Sure, but my head it– spin-spinning and–“
“No, to the van,” he says.
You pout, letting your shoulders sink.
“But I wanna daaance, pleeeaaase…”
Chan seems frustrated.
“Party’s over, come on.”
His fingers wrap around your wrist, dragging you after him, as he guides you towards the campsite.
“You’re so mean!”
Chan sighs, deciding to not pay too much attention to your childish behaviour. After all, you’re pretty drunk and he’s glad you’re fine. Going back to the club is the worst idea.
First, you’re not in the right state of mind to be dancing again. Let alone drink something.
Second, the security will probably tell you to leave anyway, once they notice how intoxicated you are.
And third, it would be embarrassing for Chan to go back there, after he basically got fired.
“We’re gonna get you sober and ready for bed, yeah?”
You pout again, letting a whimper follow, as you obediently walk next to Chan.
“Okay, daddy,” you reply sarcastically.
He ignores your teasing now—and the way this dumb name makes him feel flustered—instead helping you brush your teeth which turns out to be a lot more complicated. You’re so absolutely stubborn and not able anymore to control your body and balance. However, he manages to take off the rest of your makeup and put your hair in a comfortable style for sleeping.
There’s one thing that’s still on the list. You can’t go to sleep with your outside-clothes.
“Pyjamas?” he asks you.
“In the backpack.”
Chan gets up from his seat, making you drink another glass of water, as he walks towards your bag. You’re carrying so much stuff with you that it seems impossible for him to find what he’s looking for. His fingers accidentally brush over a pile of panties, feeling the lace material against his skin. Your childhood friend is glad that the blush on his cheeks isn’t visible in the dim moonlight.
“I can’t find your sleepwear,” he says, giving up.
“Then I’m gonna just stay in my party outfit.”
“Oh, no,” he says, “you’re not wearing this worn stuff from outside on the mattress.”
You remember now. Chan has always been like this. When you used to visit him as a child, he made you change your “outside clothing” in case you wanted to sit or lie down on any type of furniture in his parents’ house.
Your pants came in contact with the bus seats, that’s yikes, Y/N, he used to say. As a teenager you didn’t care but the older you got, the more you adapted to this philosophy.
“Fine,” you groan.
Chan decides to just grab something to wear from his backpack, it’ll do. He finds a nice oversized shirt and some boxers that he hands to you.
“I… you want me to wear your underwear?”
He sighs. Once again. “It’s clean, oh my God. Just change your clothes already.”
The curly haired turns around then out of respect, while you slip into the baggy fabrics.
“Done.”
“Good,” he says.
You crawl into the van, sinking down on the bed sheet, as you feel the weight of the mattress shift underneath you.
Chan gets ready for bed, too. In the meantime, you plug your phone to the power bank and send Yeji a quick text.
It doesn’t take your phone long to receive another message from her.
[Yeji 04:58]: Also, get that man. He seems to like you back ;)
You chuckle, still way too tipsy to fully grasp what she says. How is she supposed to tell? She spent like three minutes with him and doesn’t even know you that well, either. Yeji is just a random but very kind girl you met while waiting in line in the bathroom.
Chan drags you out of your thoughts when he walks around the car, stopping in front of you to place his toothbrush back into his bag. He’s changed into some sweatpants, not bothering to wear a shirt to sleep.
Maybe it’s the alcohol that’s still swimming in your veins.
Maybe it’s the light of the lanterns tinting his naked chest in the prettiest glimmer.
Maybe it’s the pent up feelings and all those unspoken words.
Or it’s all of those things combined that make you speak the following words, “Can you… cuddle me to sleep, please?”
His head snaps up to you.
“Y/N… I don’t think that’s a good idea. I’m gonna sleep outside, okay?”
You’re the one to wrap their fingers around his wrist now, pulling him towards the van.
“Nooo, it’s too cold. You’re gonna get sick.” Chan can’t resist that annoying pout on your face. “Stay a little longer?”
He sighs, crawling into the van as well, as he takes the space next to the door.
“Okay.”
It doesn’t take you long to fall into a deep slumber, while Chan holds you close—you being the small spoon and him being the big one. Whereas you are already deeply occupied in your dreams, insomnia seems to take the best of him again.
He can’t believe he’s got you back in his life.
He can’t believe that you’re getting along again, especially compared to eighteen hours ago after buying the van.
He can’t believe you told your new friend that you have a crush on him.
If that’s really the truth that would mean… that would mean you have had that crush for some time, right? Considering you only met one and a half days ago, you must have already had feelings for him before that.
Fuck. Chan is possibly the luckiest guy on this earth. He dearly hopes this isn’t that dream he’s dreamt a thousand times before.
Just when he’s about to finally get some rest, too, you stir around and change positions, before your eyes open and in your half asleep state, you start speaking, “You left, Channie…”
His own eyes widen, pulling you closer. Maybe you’ve got some of those nightmares again that you used to have when you guys were younger.
“But I’m here, darling,” he reassures you, using that nickname again for the first time.
“No,” you mumble, “you left and went to Seoul five years ago. You left me.”
His heart stops and then breaks into a thousand tiny pieces.
That might be true but you were the one to literally ghost your lifetime best friend.
“And you didn’t say goodbye, Y/N,” Chan spits back.
He can tell you’re not fully awake. Maybe that’s what gives him enough confidence to speak what’s on his mind. It feels so good to finally let that out.
God, he’s such a coward.
Your eyes open a little more, although you’re still not really awake.
“Is that why you’re mad at me? Why you were teasing me?” you ask him.
He lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding, “Yes.”
You roll onto your back, hiding your eyes behind the palms of your hands.
“Chan…”
He interrupts you, already regretting that he told you about his feelings, “Just forget it–“
“I couldn’t say goodbye…”
“Just… cut it–“
“My heart couldn’t handle it,” you say, “I was, well, I still am too much… too much in love with you to let you go.”
That’s when you doze off back into sleep.
It’s real. You’re real. Your feelings for him are real.
All these years. All the time waiting pays off—just for you to confess in your sleep. Well, better than nothing. Chan will see what the next day holds for you.
He knows you won’t hear him. However, he still speaks his words out loud, when he says, “I love you too, Y/N.”
🥝
You wake up around two in the afternoon the next day, feeling your pulse pumping inside your head.
Chugging down the rest that’s inside your metallic water bottle, you come to the realisation that you have no idea how you made it back to the van last night.
Speaking of—you find yourself alone in here, the space beside you still a little warm but that could also be caused by the sunbeams that are making their way inside the vehicle.
When you push the blanket away, you observe yourself in clothes that aren’t yours. Looking down at the bottoms, you notice you’re wearing boxers, probably Chan’s.
Why are you wearing his clothes? You guys weren’t so drunk that you… no, Chan wouldn’t do something like that.
However, you were indeed drunk. That is a fact. Otherwise you wouldn’t have a mental blackout about yesterday’s night.
“Morning,” Chan says, appearing in front of the van’s door. “I made some tea for you.” He hands you the beverage, painfully obviously trying to avoid your gaze.
What the hell happened?
“How are you?”
Chan takes a seat beside you, leaving respectful space between the both of you.
“I’ve been better before. I feel very tired and sore. I also don’t remember much… my mind is blank after… getting up that stage– oh God, I probably embarrassed myself and–“
“You didn’t,” he reassures you. “You were the life of the party.”
You roll your eyes, “That sounds even worse.”
He chuckles and you join him. It feels good and so familiar to be with him.
Chan feels like comfort. He feels like home.
“Do you feel good enough to go on a two and a half hour trip to Cathedral Cove?”
Wow. Your plans once again seem to match.
“That was my next stop on my route, too,” you tell him with a smile.
“I know. I saw the little sheet of paper you pinned to your backpack. Sorry, I hope it’s okay I read–“
“Of course,” you say.
“Then, take your time to get ready. I have a job again at a club tonight but only for the first few hours.”
After taking a shower—a cold one again—in the public bathroom of the campsite and changing into some comfortable shorts and a baggy shirt, you head back to the van. Chan hands you a bowl, filled with your comfort breakfast.
“You made porridge?”
He nods, “Yeah. We didn’t have fresh fruits and the little market over there was already closed, so I used canned tangarines. It tastes good, though.”
And it really does. The citrus fruits and sugar give you a lot of energy and fight against your hangover, the oats fill your stomach and awaken you.
“Did you make enough money yesterday?” you ask Chan, once you’re done with eating and washing the dishes, before packing everything.
“About that,” he starts, scratching the back of his head.
“What happened?”
“They kinda fired me… because I took a break to look if you were alright,” he explains.
Shit. That’s all your fault. You feel like a helpless child that he has to look after. The fact you drank so much because of your jealousy, lets your guilty conscience wash all over you.
“Chan, I– fuck, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have drunk that much I am so dumb–“
“Hey, it’s fine,” he says. “I don’t care. I don’t want money from a company like this, anyway.”
He waits until you give him a little nod. Chan hovers your backpacks into the trunk again, before you take the passenger’s seat.
The door to your right opens, as Chan sinks down next to you, starting the engine.
“Shall we?”
🥝
You got a little more sleep while Chan drove the two of you to the new destination. Dinner was on you tonight—your speciality, instant ramen, homemade by you. Maybe not the most nutritious meal, but a good and greasy base for possibly drinking alcohol again.
However, when entering the venue—well, it’s really just four neon lanters creating a makeshift square at the beach—you decide to ditch the drinks tonight, instead going for lemonade and water. Once again, Chan isn’t drinking either, knowing he is more focused on his work when he’s sober.
His talent is insane. He even makes you enjoy songs that you don’t like at all, solely by the remix versions he creates. You’ve always known that he’s a virtuoso.
You’re feeling freedom rush through your veins, letting go of all the worries, as you dance along to the beautiful music.
Until you take a look at Chan and once again find a group of women surrounding him.
That’s when it clicks.
You got drunk yesterday, after watching the exact same scene that is turning into a déja-vu now. He flirted with them and as immature as you were, you decided to drown your jealousy in vodka.
Yeji, the kind girl from the bathroom, comes back to your mind. How she took care of you until Chan was–
Oh, no.
You also remember now how he got you ready for bed—which explains the shirt and boxers—and how you begged him to cuddle you to sleep.
There’s another distant memory in the back of your head that you can’t quite grasp yet. You can’t differentiate if it was a dream or not, but something tells you, you poured your heart out to Chan and accused him of leaving.
You don’t remember your exact words. You do remember, though, how you told Yeji about your crush on Chan, while he was literally next to you.
Fuck. You’re so embarrassing. This year’s world wide loser award goes to none other than Y/N Y/L/N.
“Fancy a drink?”
The male voice startles you at first, however, you still turn around to search for its owner. In front of you is standing a beautiful man, a bit taller, his long black hair almost reaches his shoulders.
You said you didn’t want to drink. You want to be mature. But when you catch a glimpse of a girl whispering something into Chan’s ear, you know you’ve had enough. He doesn’t like you back, give up already. You confessed having a crush on him and he doesn’t do anything about it, time to live your life and show Chan what he is missing.
“Hm, one drink won’t do much harm,” you tell the guy.
He pays for the beverage and every water and lemonade you order after. It’s fun spending time with him. He’s without a doubt the best dancer you’ve ever seen, encouraging you in your own moves.
You didn’t get his name when he introduced himself due to the noise inside—you don’t know if he’s called Hyunjin or Hyungmin but it doesn’t really matter anyway. He’ll help you get your mind off all the mess nonetheless.
He’s dancing behind you, his crotch pressed against your ass, only a few layers of fabric separating you from him. His lips land on your neck, destined to draw a pretty pattern on your skin.
The clock hits two. Chan’s shift is over.
And you can be sure he will waste no time to do what he’s wanted to do since that prick laid his hands on your hips.
A minute later, Hyunjin feels someone touching his shoulder, making him pull away a little from you.
“Sorry, but the party’s over.”
Why is Chan always ruining the fun? You aren’t even tipsy. What’s his fucking problem?
“What do you want, dude?” Hyunjin says, clearly annoyed.
You stay in his hold, but your gaze finds Chan’s.
“I want you to let go of my girl and piss off, to be honest,” he answers, clicking his tongue.
What?
Your head starts spinning like yesterday, but this time you’re drunk on emotions.
“Man– I didn’t know–“
Hyunjin doesn’t get to finish his sentence, when Chan is already dragging you out of the club and towards the empty campsite.
The curly haired doesn’t say a word, but the tense atmosphere fills the whole beach even until you get closer and closer to your car.
Chan is furious. Sure, those girls talked to him as well, flirted a little but that’s what all there was. But when he saw Hyunjin’s lips on your neck, that straw broke the camel’s back.
Meanwhile, you feel like you’re in trance. You’re obediently following him just until Chan spins you around and watches your back meet the side of the green car.
He cages you between his firm body and the vehicle. The sight makes your knees go weak, makes you lose even the last molecule of sanity. You know you won’t have to say much, it’s obvious what it is.
Maybe it’s the fact you’re thinking clearly, no alcohol in your system this time.
Maybe it’s the way the moonlight covers Chan’s muscular arms and how the stars reflect in those beautiful brown eyes.
Maybe it’s the pent up feelings and all those unspoken words.
Or it’s all of those things combined that make you speak the following words.
“Just kiss me already.”
Chan may be an idiot from time to time, but he won’t let this chance slip. His lips smash into yours, making time stand still, letting the earth and the whole fucking universe stop for a minute.
Every cell in your body wants him.
And you show him exactly that, when you invite his tongue in to explore the insides of your mouth. Your heartbeat starts echoing in your ears and a moment later, it synchronises with Chan’s.
His hands find their way to your hips, wandering a little further until they meet your ass. He squeezes the soft flesh through the fabric of your skirt, listening to the beautiful moan you let out.
It’s only now that you get aware that you put on the metallic necklace tonight—your friendship accessory that connects you, literally, with Chan. You wanted to get some reaction out of him. But he doesn’t seem to have noticed yet.
He’s too busy placing one kiss after another on your lips anyway, until he decides to change the course and wanders down with his artwork. Your cheeks, your jaw, your neck, back to your lips, right in that order. He wants to make sure that every centimetre Hyunjin touched, will be drawn over.
He’s driving you insane. You already feel yourself getting absolutely lightheaded. Maybe that’s how you justify that next whimper that spills from your lips, when his hand travels between your legs. He wonders if you put on a skirt on purpose but, nevertheless, this will make his mission a lot easier.
“Chan– stop teasing–“ you let out, knowing you won’t be able to withstand any anticipation.
But Chan isn’t done yet with provoking you. Not after you danced with that guy in the club, not after you let him kiss you like that.
“Don’t complain too much or I’ll fuck you against the van, here outside, for everyone to see.”
Oh, God. In the state you're in, you’d probably even allow him that. However, after falling asleep in his arms on the bed inside the van, you should finish what you’ve started exactly there.
And Chan seems to read your mind, as it seems.
“Get your pretty ass on the mattress, doll.”
But you decide to change plans a little, for the sole reason to tease him now. Beating him with his own weapons sounds like the most entertaining thing you can imagine.
Your lips land on his neck, rough bites leaving an astonishing memory of tonight. Chan’s the one to let out a moan now, as he feels his boxers tighten, his growing erection brushing against the fabric.
But he won’t let you defeat him so easily.
“Don’t make me repeat myself,” he warns you. Chan catches your face, squishing your cheeks together in an attempt to make you look at him, which you immediately do.
“I’ve had enough of your behaviour.”
His other hand is back between your thighs, disappearing under your skirt, wandering up to your very much soaked panties. Of course, he has to chuckle out loud, when the tips of his fingers brush over that embarrassingly wet spot.
“For me, baby?”
But you won’t let him defeat you so easily.
Chan finds it hilarious that you’re getting shy now but your body speaks what your mouth doesn’t want to—especially, once he carefully pushes the laces aside, grazing over your wetness.
“Fuck– please–“ you let out.
Well, it seems as if you let him defeat you easily. But you don’t care.
“Get inside, doll.”
He yanks the door of the car open, making you crawl inside.
And he wouldn’t be Chan if he didn’t tell you to take off the skirt before sitting down on the bed sheets. After all, you’re wearing outside clothes. Or maybe it’s just a cheap trick. However, when he takes off his jeans as well, leaving him in his underwear and the view of the pretty outline of his hard dick, you giggle a little.
When lying down on the soft cushion, the pendant that’s attached to the chain somehow wanders underneath your shirt, hiding it from Chan completely. But you don’t even notice. Not when the man above you is ready to devour you like a five star meal.
“Maybe I should fuck the brat out of you, make you come to your senses again,” he says, making you scoot a little more upwards.
He places your legs over his shoulders, before he starts kissing the inner sides of your thighs, gradually wandering towards your clothed core. A long stripe meets your panties, as you desperately hold back another moan.
“You’re all talk but no doing, Chan,” you let out.
He just chuckles and wastes no time to pull down your underwear, getting right back to his task.
“Weird way of begging, but if that’s what you’re asking for…”
As if you’re on autopilot, you spread your legs even further, allowing your friend better access. His tongue comes back into play, as his fingers help him push your pussy lips apart.
Then your mind turns off.
“I– Fuck–“
It feels like heaven. The kitten licks. The vibrations his moans send through your whole body. His fingertips that circle around your throbbing hole.
Chan pushes two digits in at once, adoring the little whimper you let out. Your walls immediately clench around him, sucking him in, telling him how much you missed him.
It’s embarrassing how close you already are. But you’ve lost track of time—you can’t tell if it’s been seconds, minutes or hours that Chan’s head has been between your thighs.
You’ve never been with a guy that enjoys eating pussy that much. How you regret not doing this sooner with him…
“Chan– I–“
He just hums against you, enjoying every bit of your helplessness. You should have done this sooner. How he regrets not confessing to you earlier…
Squelching sounds are filling the car and in the back of your head you’re quite glad that Chan remembered to close and lock the door. His fingers already feel so absolutely amazing inside you, you wonder how great his cock is gonna fill you.
You get a taste of the idea, when he once again swirls his tongue around your clit and changes the angle of his fingers a little. He’s knuckles deep inside your aching hole, now hitting that certain spot just right.
Just a little later, your mind goes completely blank, the sight of the darkness inside Chan’s eyes hidden, when the white sparkles fill your vision instead. The feeling takes over your whole body, legs shaking, when you reach that sweet relief. You cry out his name, forgetting any other syllable you’ve ever known. Almost struggling to catch your breath, Chan helps you ride out your high.
Painfully slowly, he pulls his fingers out of you, watching you squirm at the loss of contact. He licks his fingers clean, making sure to let his eyes stay on your own.
You feel hypnotised.
You feel drunk.
“Hmm, still so confident that you don’t like me back, huh?” he teases you.
Like him back?
Well, you aren’t surprised he must at least find you attractive. Otherwise, Chan probably wouldn’t have eaten you out like a starving man. But you weren’t aware that there are feelings that are thrown into the mix.
“Like you back?”
“Don’t you remember what you said last night?”
Is this about the confession while Yeji was with you or did you…
Oh, the memories are slowly coming back now. You said something to him after accusing him of leaving, after pouring your heart out to him.
Did you, perhaps, tell him more?
“W-What?”
“Right before you fell asleep you confessed that you have romantic feelings for me, honey,” he says, shamelessly clicking his tongue.
“I…”
You don’t know what to say, so the logical solution is to catch his lips in a heated kiss instead. You pull him closer, tasting yourself on his tongue but you don’t mind. He gives in for a solid minute, until he stops, knowing he has to speak further first.
“I told you before—well, you were asleep—but I return the feelings.”
You gasp. It’s now or never. There’s no reason to hold back anymore.
“Channie… I’m in love with you, have been all this time.”
There appears the brightest smile his face has ever experienced.
“I’m in love with you… have been even before that first kiss together,” he admits.
“You… what?”
Even in the weak light of the LED lanterns, you can still make out that cute pink curtain on his cheeks.
“I was scared… so I decided to hide my feelings but I’m done with hiding now.”
He kisses you then and you give in completely.
Fuck. You can’t believe this is happening.
He loves you back? He’s loved you all this time? You’re so happy that you don’t even care that it took you seven years to realise.
Your childhood friend turned lover stops the kiss for a second, as he gets back in a seating position. Chan suddenly takes off his tank top, revealing his stunning chest to you.
As well as something else.
The necklace.
He’s wearing it.
That’s what makes you take off your shirt and your bra, too, revealing the metallic chain and pendant to him.
“You’re wearing the necklace?”
“I thought you would have noticed sooner.”
And he kisses you again, enjoying how beautiful you look underneath him, until a clicking sound startles you.
The magnets inside the pendants make the necklaces connect. You’ve expected them to not work anymore after storing the chain wherever for over five years.
“Fuck, I love you so much. I’m gonna show you, baby.”
And, oh God, that’s exactly what he does. His fingers are right between your legs again, playing sensually with your clit, as his tongue is attached to your tits, making out with one of the hardened buds.
But you need more and you need it now.
“Channie?”
He looks up for a second, “Yeah?”
“I need you… need you inside me.”
Chan wastes no time and takes off his remaining clothes, as you watch his length spring free. He’s pretty—maybe a bit above average but the girth is what basically makes you drool at the sight. The tip is already covered in precum, telling you to not wait any longer.
You ask him to come closer, but Chan still has something on his mind.
“I– I don’t have a condom with me right now… it’s in the trunk in my backpack but I can–“
“I have an IUD. If that’s okay with you,” you offer.
“Of course, dear.”
He’s positioning himself between your legs again, reaching for his length and stroking it a few times. Chan could get lost in the look you have on your face—desperately waiting for him to bury his cock inside you. Your fingers wander down to your heat, playing a little with your clit and that’s when he knows he won’t have you wait any longer.
The tip circles around your wet entrance, before he pushes only a few centimetres in first, watching you get used to the feeling. When you nod, he enters further, until he bottoms you out completely. You’re more than glad that he prepared you so well earlier.
After a quick kiss on your lips, he starts thrusting into you, observing every move and noise you make. You’re getting completely lost in the sensation, allowing him to take care of your body.
It doesn’t take long for the windows inside the car to gain a foggy layer from all the panting. Chan positions your legs over shoulders, similar to how he did earlier, as his hand wanders towards your chest.
He squeezes one of your breasts for a little, before his fingers travel further, circling around your throat, adding pressure to the sides. What a beautiful view—he’s dreamt about this so many times. Having you underneath him. Having full control over you and your body.
“Channie– fuck–“ you let out.
His cock is brushing that spot inside you again, it’s as if he’s fucked you a thousand times before.
And you feel so deliciously warm and tight around him, Chan for sure can’t get enough of your cunt.
He has to make sure you remember this. Even now that you’re finally his, he wants to hear those words coming from you.
“Who do you belong to, hm?”
Fuck. That possessive side is something you sure can’t get enough of.
“I– fuck–“
Chan’s initial idea was to make pure love to you, although he sensed you enjoy him being less gentle, as well. So, the roughness takes over him then. Passion and desire are marking his words.
“Say it, baby. Whose good little slut are you?”
Slap. His hand collides with your ass, when you don’t answer within a second.
“Y-Yours, Channie– yours,” you then immediately let out. You could get used to this side of him.
“Good girl.”
It happens in the blink of an eye, it was inevitable. Waves of pleasure are traveling through your body, conquering your whole existence. Chan holds you close, helping you through the overstimulating sensation of your second orgasm.
After you’ve begged him to cum inside, he then paints your walls, all with the prettiest whimper spilling from his plump lips.
The necklaces stay connected throughout the entire unholy scene, reminding you that this was indeed meant to be.
Once you’ve both come down from your high, Chan pulls out of you. He watches the mixture of his liquids spill out of your hole, before he brings two fingers right there, scooping up some of the droplets and guiding them towards your mouth.
You obediently lick them clean, before he places a gentle kiss on your lips.
“Y/N?”
“Hm?”
He takes a deep breath, “I’ve always wanted to be your first, to be honest.”
“Yeah… me, too,” you confess.
“But that doesn’t matter.” Another kiss on your forehead. “‘Cause I’ll be your last.”
💚AUTHOR'S NOTE: *taps on mic* is this thing on? yeah, hi I'm back. This fic had been chilling in my drafts half-chilling for the past few months and I am a dramatic libra so that's the first thing I post. I hope you guys have been well and enjoying your summer (or winter for my beloveds who live on the southern hemisphere and yes I know it's ironic I post a New Zealand summer story in August pls don't cancel me). I hope you enjoyed this one, I feel a bit insecure this time, if I'm completely honest with you. Please consider reblogging and/or commenting, if you want to give something back to the author! Messages via asks are fine, too. Lots of love and take care!
Synopsis: You crave a life of normalcy, he craves you. And he'd do anything to keep you, even if you're for the world to see
warnings: smut, explicit sexual content, barista!hyunjin x camgirl!reader, masturbation (m, f), teasing, cum eating, (slight) orgasm denial, (also -ish) voyeurism, (not a warning but) open conversations about sex, he’s a little shit but also just a fanboy
Past Broadcasts : Play Time!
Live : Heat Signature
Next Scheduled Broadcast : Puppeteer
☆ﾟ
He waited for you.
He waited and waited and waited, for days until he’d finally given up hope that you were going to show face again.
Hyunjin wasn’t even sure you were from the area. For all he knew, you lived a few hours plane ride away. There was no way for him to know.
He’d thought about you every day since, watched every stream and used most of his tips and paycheck to tip you so that you’d remember who he was. It worked, whenever the dinging noise from other patrons tipping died down, there was a moment where he’d rapid fire click the button and you’d know, it was him.
The day after seeing you in person, Hyunjin barely had the mind to put your image down onto paper to immortalize. His minor hobby in doodling came in handy when there was downtime during his shift at the coffee shop. There was an unlimited supply of blank coffee cup sleeves and markers, enough room for his artistic freedom to run wild with images of you and your pretty hands, heavenly voice that he’s been encapsulated with ever since.
Hyunjin kept his doodles in his apron pocket with him at all times. If anyone were to ever see them he swears he’d burst into flames out of embarrassment. How is he stumbling beneath his own feet over someone he’s met once?
But it doesn’t feel like you’ve only met once, he feels like he’s known you for a lifetime. The way you spoke during your cams, you were speaking to him. You had to be. You had to have seen him.
The voice in his head had Hyunjin summing up your absence to the fact that you were simply too busy for coffee. Yeah, that was what he chose to believe, definitely not the fact that he was acting literally insane and scared you into never setting foot in their store ever again.
The universe was listening to him, today of all days. Another early morning and he hadn’t even noticed you walk in at first, after two weeks he’d given up on hoping you’d come back. Imagine his surprise when he’s put on the register and sees you walk up to the counter.
“Ice– iced chai and three blonde shots, right?”
You were taken aback, you’d hadn’t been here in a while, two weeks to be exact. What was this cute, strange barista doing memorizing your order? And why is he looking at you like he’s picturing you naked?
“Yeah,” you replied slowly, narrowing your gaze at his pretty features.
He really was weird, his hands were shaking as he input your order, as he took your card and handed it back. When he was done ringing you up, he didn’t hand you the receipt but rather stared at you again. “Are you okay…” you glanced at his name tag, “Hyunjin?”
Oh, his cock twitched.
Be fucking normal. She’s just a person, for fucks sake. Stop being a weirdo. God, you’re embarrassing.
“Y— yeah! It’s just…” Hyunjin’s heart sped up. This was his opportunity to ask you out, compliment you… But instead he asks, “can I have a name for the order?”
That wasn’t what you were expecting. For a second your heart stopped thinking that he had recognized you… Again, impossible, you had been too careful to let anything slip.
“You know my order but not my name?” A dry laugh and awkward but relaxed shrug, you tell him your name and the barista lets out a little inaudible stutter, a small smile spreading across your lips at his endearing reaction,
His head raised to meet your gaze again, “it’ll be out in a minute, pretty.”
Ballsy. Fucking ballsy. You have the most massive pair ever. Wait, she smiled… She smiled?? She’s still smiling? Oh, she’s walking away… I think that worked?
Why were you smiling? And why was your tummy fluttering? A cute barista complimenting you? That was nothing in comparison to the millions of adoring words you receive through your social media and live streams. So why was he any different? Stop smiling, you look stupid.
It really only took a minute, true to Hyunjin’s words. You didn’t expect him to be the one holding your drink at the pick up counter, the way your name rolling off his tongue making your adrenaline rush.
What you didn’t see was him forcing his closest coworker to stand on register so he could be the one to make your drink. The finishing touch was the real kicker. Though it was a cold drink, Hyunjin fished out one of the doodled cup sleeves, the best one he’d drawn, and shyly wrote on the side of it before slipping it on and calling your name. He tried to hide his excitement and nervousness by trilling his voice a little more sing-song to get your attention.
You walked a little too fast towards the black haired barista, catching yourself and slowing as you came closer. He had a smirk that made your knees wobble just a tad bit before he held the drink out for you. Both your eyes met as you grazed his fingertips to pass over the cup, a shot of warmth shooting up your arm with a tingle as he lingered.
“Thank you, Hyunjin.”
“My pleasure, Y/N.”
Just the way he said your name made you want to fold in half. Maybe let him fold you in half. Definitely let him fold you in half.
You hadn’t taken a sip of the drink until you got home, too giddy the entire walk to do anything but clutch it in your hands. But when you did sip on it, you verbally let out a, “mmm!” to no one but yourself.
Hours had gone by of you doing your regular chores and such that you do on your off days. Dirty clothes in the laundry, groceries were put away, now would be a good time to prepare dinner. You had just tossed the now empty to go cup in the trash when the smeared ink on the cardboard cup sleeve caught your eye. You had to dig it out of the trash, but it didn’t seem much out of order other than the wet marks from the earlier drink’s condensation.
There was a drawing, smudged but definitely still there. A small drawing of a girl’s side profile with fingers pressed to her lips like she was holding a cigarette, except she wasn’t. She’s simply touching her lips, depicted in a way that made her look so delicate despite the harsh black ink that carved her into the cardboard. She was pretty. It was probably his girlfriend, more than likely he didn’t think about what sleeve he grabbed and rushed to cup your drink with the one he’d drawn her on. Why did that make your stomach sink a little?
Still, it was a nice drawing. As you slipped it off the cup, you saw the words that made your stomach entirely fall out of your ass.
Sweetheart.
Hyunjin waited again for you to return. When you didn’t the next day he was sure he scared you off. There was a reason you remained anonymous, to avoid situations exactly like this one. He just couldn’t help himself. If you freaked out, he’d act clueless and make an excuse to say it was only a cute nickname. He hoped you wouldn’t take it like that, however the fact that it took you another week and a half to come back to the coffee shop told him that was probably what you thought.
You avoided his gaze when you came into the shop for the third time. There was no line for once, but then again, it was way past the morning when you’d come the first few visits.
Hyunjin’s breath hitched when you came straight up to the counter and met his eyes timidly, darting around as if you were scared to truly look at him.
“The usual?” He asked, hoping the sincerity in his voice would ease your clear distress.
“N— no… No drink…” Your words trailed off and Hyunjin felt himself starting to panic.
“I’m not a stalker, I swear. I just really… admire your work? For lack of a better phrase.” The genuineness could be felt in the air between you, and it made you want to trust him. But still, there’s always lingering doubt.
You lowered your voice and held out the doodled cup sleeve, “maybe you should keep the drawings of your girlfriend somewhere you won’t give to someone else you’ve seen naked.”
“What?” Hyunjin stared at you, blinking soullessly.
He had expected you to yell at him, scream, make a scene and call him all kinds of names. This was not on his bingo card.
“Your… your girlfriend?” You raised up the drawing and he laughed. A full belly laugh that made his shoulders shake and luscious black hair fall into his handsome, handsome face. “I’m very confused right now.”
“Oh, you’re so pretty.”
“I don’t know you well enough for you to be making fun of me.”
“I’m off in thirty minutes. Wanna get coffee?” It was your turn to stare blankly at him. He smiled again shyly, “barista joke, forget it. But seriously, can we… maybe talk?”
“You just wanna talk?”
“Yeah.”
“…Alright.”
“I’ll call your name when your drink’s ready.”
“I didn’t order—“
“On the house,” Hyunjin leaned both hands into the counter, tipped his head slightly down, and smirked. Like a fucking player. That stupid smile, you don’t even know the guy and still want to simultaneously kiss him and slap that grin off his face. A frown and a nod, you sit at an empty table in the corner.
Less than five minutes later, Hyunjin is walking over to you with the drink in hand and he takes the open seat across from you.
“Aren’t you still working?”
“You’re the only one here.” You glance around the room, the shop is completely empty.
“A filthy blonde chai, plus one more shot.” The drink is slid over to you by large, polished hands. “I’m not sure what they call a triple espresso chai… Most people usually stop at two. But, I don’t think you’re like most people.”
“Only a barista would use that line.”
“Honestly, I’m shitting bricks just sitting in front of you and I’m so glad I can barely hear myself over the music in this place because I wanted to melt into the floor as soon as I said it.”
The way he spoke was cute, like he couldn’t get himself to stop talking. “Are you fangirling right now?”
Hyunjin’s ears tinted a bright red and felt his cheeks flush with warmth. “Yeah, a little.”
“Over a pornstar?”
“To be fair you’re not a pornstar, you're a camgirl.”
“I don’t think that makes it any better.”
“For me or you?”
“…Both, I guess.”
He bit his plush bottom lip before letting slip from between his teeth, simply looking at you. “If it makes you feel better, you’re the only one I follow.”
It took you a minute to sit with that information, the entire ordeal was strange and you weren’t entirely sure what compelled you to come back to the shop in the first place. Within your silence, nothing actually processed in your head, there were no thoughts. Your career required you to be strategic as one wrong move could bring everything crashing down. As you sat in front of Hyunjin, the awkwardly suave, raven haired barista that makes a mean triple blonde chai, you realized how much you liked not having to think.
“You’re the only one I watch, actually,” he continues to ramble in the lingering silence. “There really isn’t anything else– or, anyone else that I want to watch. That sounds… really gross now that I’m saying it out loud… I’m sorry, I’m– you make me really nervous. I don’t even know why, I don’t even know you. I mean, I do know you, but I only just met you. A– and I only knew who you were because of your voice. The way you speak– I love the sound of it. I could listen to you talk all day.”
You only stared at him with an unreadable expression, keeping your heart-fluttered cards close to your chest. “That does make me feel a little better,” you admitted softly. “But you’re not a stalker?”
Hyunjin leaned onto his elbows on the table. Even sitting and slouching, he had to look down at you. “Sweetheart, you walked into my shop, remember? I’ve been working here longer than you’ve been streaming. You came to me.”
Not. A. Single. Thought.
How quickly he could go from a stuttering mess to acting like a cocky jackass gave you whiplash, you literally couldn’t predict what would come out of his mouth next. All that made your brain totally empty, words couldn’t form in your mouth to respond back.
Hyunjin reached across the table for where your hands played with the cup sleeve. His touch made warmth flood through your skin, up your arms and into your cheeks. He took the cardboard and held it next to your reddening face. “You really couldn’t tell?”
“I can tell that you should probably inform your girlfriend of the massive crush you have on a camgirl.”
He huffed and leaned back in his chair, tossing the cup sleeve between the two of you. “It’s not my girlfriend. It’s you.”
“What?! I don’t look like that!” You grabbed the drawing to examine closer, still not seeing the comparison.
“You look exactly like that! Maybe the marker I used was too thick, but it’s definitely you.”
“No, I mean this girl is… It’s not me.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” Your head shot up to look at him. Was he really agreeing with you right now? “You’re waaay prettier than this. I had only seen you one time when I drew it, didn’t get to really look at your features. Was kinda starstruck, ya know?”
“...The more you talk, I can’t tell what you want from me.”
“Why do I have to want something from you to get to know you?”
What was his deal? Was he dense? Was there a sign on your back that said, “fuck with me?” This was a joke and no one was laughing but him. There was no reason for him to want to even talk with you, there had to be another reason. It didn’t make any sense.
“Everyone wants something. What do you want?”
Hyunjin leaned further forward and stared straight into your eyes, “to know you.”
How badly did you want to look away, but Hyunjin made it so hard. He kept the eye contact so steady, blindly reaching for your hand across the table and simply holding your fingertips with his, hardly even touching and the combination was still so deadly. His thumb rubbed lightly over your knuckles and you couldn’t help but lean in closer to him as well, furrow in his brow from the seriousness turn the conversation has taken only deepening.
He couldn’t read you as much as he tried. There was your poker face you’d mastered after the last person you’d cared about enough to take back to your showroom. Hyunjin didn’t know that, or even needed to know that, but you were weirdly comfortable around him. As uncanny as everything leading up to this was, your mouth moved on its own.
“Why do you deserve to?”
“Someone hurt you… badly, didn’t they? So much that you’re questioning why I want to know you as a person and not just a body.”
“Why do you keep talking like you know my life story? You don’t know me!”
“That’s kinda the whole point. I want to! You keep saying I don’t know you, so let me!” His voice raised slightly as yours did, mimicking your frustration.
And honestly, you couldn’t blame him. You were being annoying about this on purpose, you needed to push his buttons to see if he was going to be true to his word. If he wasn’t he’ll bow out quick after realizing you’re not worth all the effort. If he is… you hope for your heart he isn’t. But you want it so badly at the same time, you crave it. You’ve dreamed and fantasized of someone wanting you and only you, doing everything in their power to keep you, cherish you, make you feel so loved that they’d die if they couldn’t tell you that you meant more than the world to them. The kind of love that most people in your line of work gave up on a long time ago.
That’s the goal, isn’t it? To be loved? That’s what’s supposed to be the end game. If everyone is after it, why isn’t it easier to find?
“I have a livestream in two hours…” your voice quivered. Why were you telling him this?
“You do…” his was steady. Why is he still holding your hand?
“I want to trust you.” You wanted to hide under a rock. Why do you like him holding your hand?
“You’re doing the best you can.” He seems so honest. Why are you still scared?
“You get one chance. If you’re serious, maybe I’ll keep you around.” His smile is so sweet. What is happening?
“That’s all I need.”
Fuck, he’s here. Why is he in your apartment? Why did you bring him back here? Stupid, stupid, stupid. You were already regretting it when you led him through the threshold and removed your shoes. He complimented your place, said it smelled nice. That’s a good sign, but this was out of your comfort zone.
Way, way, waaay out of your comfort zone.
Is this self-destructive? It is, yet you’re doing it anyway. You already broke rule number 4: don’t give everything all at once. You bulldozed through it, actually, dust and cement and rubble in the wake of your metaphorical path to lead him into your home and towards your showroom.
You led him towards the bed that was to the side of your streaming desk so you could see him past the monitors. Hyunjin was hesitant and sat as close to the edge as possible. As you say next to him, you could smell the coffee that seemed to seep from his pores, bitter but still sweet, energizing but would let it lull you to sleep. His gaze didn’t stray around the room, he didn’t even bother looking at your set up, focused on the way your shoulders relaxed and looked to be slightly less timid.
Hyunjin didn’t know where to put his hands, keeping them in his lap as you reached up to tuck his hair behind his ear. “Why am I here, Y/N?”
“You’re going to help me.” His eyes grew wide in shock, mouth parting slightly. “Not like that, get your mind out of the gutter.” The force of which he closed his mouth made his teeth audibly knock together.
Hyunjin wanted to melt under the sudden intensity of your gaze, still playing with the tips of his hair at the nape of his neck while staring at him like a lion to a gazelle. “You get to look, but not touch… me.”
His eyebrows shot up, “what?”
“You heard me,” you leaned in closer, so close he could feel your warm breath on his cheek. Hyunjin was frozen solid and you haven’t even done anything yet, but he was ready to do anything you asked him to. Into his ear, you whispered, “look, no touching.”
It was just a peck. A simple peck of your lips to his cheek, that was all and it made Hyunjin’s entire body shake out of excitement. He got hard instantly and tried to adjust his pants so you couldn’t see the very obvious tent. Not for his efforts, you saw anyway and giggled. Oh, your laugh was so pretty, so innocent sounding despite the very unholy acts you were about to participate in. The same unholy acts he was about to participate in, too.
“Is this okay?” You asked, lips still close to his cheek. Hyunjin nodded rapidly, wanting to turn so you’d kiss him for real. “I need you to tell me, with your words, baby.”
“Y— yes, more.” There was a shudder in his voice, a very obviously excited one at that.
You placed another gentle kiss to his cheek, “more what?”
Hyunjin leaned in so you were cheek to cheek, “more kisses, please.”
“What’s got you so worked up? Haven’t done anything,” you cooed back, threading your fingers through his hair and his entire body shivered. “You like when I call you baby?”
He nodded again and leaned into your hand, the only downside of that was it pulled his face from yours. Hyunjin debated on cupping your cheek, but you’d said no touching and he wanted to be good for you. Even though his first instinct was to reach out, he stayed put, letting that energy flow into gripping the sheets below him.
You didn’t pull his hair, didn’t do anything but keep your hand tangled in it but the feeling made him shut his eyes. You were really here, holding him like this, talking to him the way he’d always imagined. The fact that you even considered giving him the time of day made him wonder if this was real life anymore.
“I thought you would. You’re my favorite, too.”
Hyunjin couldn’t stop himself, you were saying all the right words. He pulled away for a split second to look at
you in awe, then crash his lips against yours in a fevered kiss, searing hot and so, so needy. He whined into your mouth, completely lost in the sensation while you were taken slightly by surprise. Not in a bad way, you were just happy he’d been able to restrain himself for this long in the first place.
You kissed him back, just for a second before tearing him away by the back of the hair. Caught off guard, he softly whimpered at the harshness, then tried to follow your lips again but was unable. “No touching. If you can’t follow directions—“
“I can, I can! I promise.”
Huffing, you tossed him back to lay his head into the pillows. A devious smile played along his lips as his heart rate slowed again, “you liked it, though. I felt you kiss me back.”
You raised an eyebrow, moving to kneel onto the mattress beside him. “Hm, I can’t recall.”
It stung his heart a little, but he knew it was just an act. It was your way of riling him up.
You didn’t touch him now, there was still a few centimeters of space between your bodies and he could still feel your lips on his. His chest leveling out, erection in his pants painfully throbbing in his jeans, looking up at you with the best puppy dog eyes he could conjure, Hyunjin could die happy if you pat his back like after a sports match and sent him home.
But you didn’t. You didn’t move, you just looked at him. It made him slightly nervous only because he couldn’t be sure what you were thinking.
Hyunjin sat up on his elbows, “what are you gonna do to me?” Not an ounce of fear in his voice, pure curiosity and anticipation.
“I’m not gonna do anything.” His eyes followed you as you stood to walk towards your computers. It wasn’t until now did he see you sit in the chair he’d been watching you in since the start of your career. Seeing it in person made his chest feel warm, like knowing this bit of information was as if he’d truly been with you this entire time from the start.
You didn’t look at him as you typed at your computer for a moment, clicking the mouse a few times, and suddenly Hyunjin’s phone went off. He fished it out of his pocket to find a notification from that godforsaken website, “live soon, hardcandysweetheart: heat signature.”
“Am I gonna be on—“
“No, I wouldn’t throw you to the wolves like that.”
“…What does heat signature mean?”
“Our little secret,” you made your way back to the bed, taking your spot next to Hyunjin once more. This time, though, your hand was placed next to his thigh, a little too close for comfort. Softly did your fingers play with the hem, Hyunjin darted his eyes down then back up to your face, feeling his chest heating up again. “No one knows that I’m not alone. No one knows I have you here with me, watching me, drooling over me. You’re the only one that gets to see everything. Straight into to the warmest parts of me.”
All the blood he had left in his head rushed straight to his cock, making Hyunjin even harder, if that was possible. “Please, touch me,” he found himself begging.
The laugh you let out was menacing, it made him cower back slightly. “You’re brave, I’ll give you that. But no. I want you to touch yourself for me.”
“What?” Hyunjin asked louder, a little more embarrassed now that you’d furrowed your brows at him and tilted your head. His chest deflated at your clear annoyance.
“It’s a very intimate thing,” you started, softening your eyes as his pride crumbled little by little. “Sometimes, I think it’s more intimate than sex itself, showing your partner how you like to be pleasured. It’s the key to a person’s body and mind. If you know what place to touch, how to touch them, they’re yours. If you make them cum, you own them.”
Well when you explain it like that, Hyunjin can’t help but feel sorry for snapping. It makes sense to him, “knowledge is power.”
“Knowledge is power. Sex is more than physical. It’s emotional, mental— it’s everything before the clothes come off and everything after you both cum. If you feel seen, then your partner is doing something right.”
A few silent seconds, you could tell he understood by the way he was looking at you; ready to comply with any request. Hyunjin loved the way you talk so freely about sex, like it was just another conversation because it is. It’s nothing to be ashamed about and it’s not taboo. Your nonchalant, yet very caring attitude about the topic of sex made him feel more comfortable than any ex partner ever had when he was actually naked in front of them.
“Can I take my pants off now?”
You rolled your eyes, “keep your underwear on.”
Hyunjin thought he was fast before, this was a new record. Clothes were off in the blink of an eye— at least, his were. You eyed him up and down as he stripped and stood at the foot of the bed for your next instruction. “On your back.” He clambered onto the bed, not even caring that you were still fully dressed and he was in nothing but his boxers.
“Close your eyes.” He did. But only after he took a long, adoring stare into yours. “Did kissing me get you this hard, baby?” Hyunjin nodded, clawing at the sheets to keep himself contained.
You chuckled softly, “that makes me happy. This should be easy for you, then.” The bed shifted beside him and suddenly heat was swallowing him whole. Your breath tickled his neck, feeling you sitting closer to his head as you continued to talk to him. “When I first saw you, I didn’t think anything of it.”
What a boner killer. Not his boner, though.
“Then when you smiled at me, I thought it was just to get you some extra tips. Clearly, it worked. This is a pretty big tip. You have such a pretty smile.” Hyunjin’s hips kicked up just slightly. He couldn’t see it, but you were smirking at how easy he was to work up.
“Such a pretty smile, but such a dirty mind. I wanna know,” your lips pressed against the shell of his ear. “Tell me, baby. What do you think about when you touch yourself?”
“You,” he answered immediately, fighting the urge to palm at his twitching dick.
Gently as not to startle him, you unclenched his hands from the sheets and moved them towards where he needed it most, keeping your hands to yourself as soon as he got the idea.
“Me? That’s sweet,” you were sincere, flattered. “What about me?”
Hyunjin rubbed the heel of his palm hard into his cock through the thin fabric. There was already a darkening wet patch, your mouth watered at how much he was leaking. You couldn’t lie to yourself, he was big. Not so much girth, but just the right width with a little extra length and it made your pussy clench at the prospect of what could be.
“Mmph— your hands. So pretty, want them around my throat.” Just the light graze of your fingernails raking across his neck made Hyunjin buck up into his own hands. “An— and your thighs. Looks so soft, I wanna bite into them.”
“And mark me up? Wanna leave pretty bruises for everyone to see?”
“Fuck, yes!” He pressed harder, resisting from sticking his hand down his pants. Obviously, you couldn’t have that, you were in a time crunch.
“Underwear off.”
“Thank god,” he rushed to shove them down, not even past his knees before he grabbed his cock and began to tightly fist himself.
There was a messy coating of precum over the tip, glistening in the soft warm pink and yellow mood lighting. He really did have a pretty cock, assumptions right in that he was perfectly proportioned with girth and length, looking oh-so-suckable.
“Fuck, keep talking. Please.”
“What is it about me that really gets you off? Hm? You like how amateur and naïve I act? Or is it that you can imagine any girl’s face when I touch myself?”
“No, no,” he whined, tightening his first around the upper half of his dick, short but hard ruts into the fleshy ring.
“No? Then what is it, baby?”
“Your voice— god, fucking hell. The way you speak, the way you talk like you’re only talking to me. Like you only want me, that there’s no one else that you need and I’m the only one who can make you feel so fucking good— fuck!”
He was leaking more and more to puddle onto his abdomen. You reached over to dip the tip of your finger into it, swirling around in the mess before bringing the coated digit back up to his mouth. “Open.” He did, and closed as soon as he felt your finger press onto his tongue. Hyunjin moaned at the taste of himself, not at all put off but rather throbbing even harder.
“What would you do to me if I gave you the chance?” You asked quietly, genuinely curious as he swirled his tongue around your cleanly-licked finger.
The question erupted a louder groan from deep within his chest, hardly muffled by the weight on his tongue. You stole it away so he could talk, secretly putting it into your mouth as his eyes were still closed to get a little glimpse more of what he tastes like.
“Make you be a little pillow princess at first. Wouldn’t let you lift a finger and kiss you everywhere. Hard.” You liked that idea, pressing your legs together. “Wanna taste your pussy so bad. I’d eat you out until you’d be begging for me to stop and fuck you. No, I wouldn’t. I’ll feast on you for as long as I fucking want— only if you use your safe word would I stop.” He murmured that last part a little softer. How sweet.
Hyunjin sped up his movements, gathering the leaking fluids to use as lubricant and letting the wet sounds fill the room.
“Would you make me cum?” It was an innocent question.
“Would I?” But he took offense to it. “I’d make you cum all night long if you wanted. With my mouth— in my mouth. On my cock, make you hump my thigh like you do with those stupid fucking toys. God, I hate them and I love them, they always make you cum so hard. I can do that, too. I can make you cum so hard you’ll never wanna come back down. Fucking shit, want you to ride my thigh so badly. Want you to wanna fuck me all day, everyday, want you to think of me the way I think of you.”
His stomach was tensing, reaching down with the other hand to fondle his balls. You watched every one of his movements, memorized the places he reacted to the most. It seemed the tip was clearly the most sensitive, but he liked just the quick swipes over it, probably too sensitive for his own good. But then his grip would tighten just under it, fucking the ring of his fingers like it was a pocket pussy. He tugged at his balls, rolling them in his palm and arching into the bed. You wondered how long until he was ready to blow.
“I want that.” Your admittance made him peek open his eyes slightly. You didn’t scold him for disobeying, instead keeping the eye contact and moving off the bed.
Hyunjin watched as you stripped your top off facing him, then your bottoms to reveal a cute light purple set. Nothing too fancy, but so suited to you it made his mouth drool over the way the strappy underwear hugged your love handles.
“But I have a job to do. So you’re gonna keep quiet for me, okay?” He sat up, slowing down his motions but not stopping.
Hyunjin was in awe. Mindless, jaw dropping awe in how easily you stripped in front of him. He never thought the act of you taking off a shirt in front of him would have him almost cumming instantly. Of course he’s seen you naked, but this was domestic. This was nothing any of your viewers has ever seen. Was he being a creep? Maybe, but you liked the way he was looking at you. He hasn’t been shy about wanting you, but how he couldn’t take his eyes off you now, it made the twisting in your belly churn tighter and brighter.
Thankfully your computer was already on, you didn’t have to look away from Hyunjin and his pretty cock. Just one click and you’re live.
But you waited. You waited for him to get closer to the edge. He needed a little push.
Taking your hand away from the mouse, you instead brought your knees up and rested your feet onto the chair to expose your core. With two fingers, you ran them over the gusset of your soaked panties, a visibly dark patch clear for Hyunjin to see.
His eyes rolled back and sped up the jerking movements, the loud slick noises echoing in the small room. Just the sound of him made you gush, so close to skipping your livestream just to fuck him into tomorrow.
No. Self control. Just this once.
You rubbed yourself a little harder over the fabric, waiting for the right moment. When his mouth dropped and let out a small whimper, you quickly closed your legs and turned back to the computer.
“Quiet now, baby. Relax and enjoy, but don’t make a sound.”
“Fuck— wait, I’m gonna cum—“
You quickly adjusted the camera and clicked, start live.
pairing: rockstar!han jisung x fem!reader
genre: humor (!! basically crack), smut
word count: 9.2k
warnings: 18+ mdni!!! tinder usage (jumpscare i know), switch!jisung, sexting, oral (f. rec), orgasm denial, protected sex, finger sucking, overstimulation, praise kink, they're in a dressing room and there is a mirror (u do the math...)
summary: What is more embarrassing than matching on Tinder with a catfish pretending to be rockstar Han Jisung, number one heartthrob of the decade? Probably discovering that the catfish isn't a catfish and actually is, in fact, rockstar Han Jisung. Whoops.
Your downfall begins with one too many glasses of wine and the accidental slip of a finger.
In your defense, you didn't mean to swipe right on the very obvious catfish account now staring up at you from your phone. In all honesty, you didn't mean to redownload Tinder at all—not after your last failed attempt when you swore off dating apps forever.
But hey, you are a strong believer that one shouldn't be held responsible for the decisions they make while wine drunk, and you'll stick by that until the day you die.
For a catfisher, the profile looks rather convincing. A well curated selection of photos, a flirty one-liner bio, and somehow they even managed to get the account verified.
And yet, you find it very hard to believe that the Han Jisung, lead singer of the number one band SKZ, happens to be in your area, on Tinder of all places.
Sure, the serotonin of seeing "It's a Match!" did send a little thrill down your spine. Still, it always amuses you when people decide to pretend to be celebrities on dating apps to get more matches.
As you lounge on the couch, taking another sip of your drink, your phone lights up with a message.
jisung: damn
jisung: i'm trying to blow ur back out fr
jisung: respectfully of course
In the background, whatever cheesy romcom you put on plays, and you can't help the snort you let out after reading the messages.
you: damn
you: what happened to hi? hello? my name is?
You know indulging a catfish isn't the best idea, but you're drunk and bored, and using dating apps always makes you act out a little more than you should.
jisung: my b ur right
jisung: hi, hello, my name is jisung :^)
The dorky emoji amuses you, as does the catfisher's dedication to keeping the charade up.
you: much better
you: you may proceed
jisung: ahaha
jisung: no but fr if ur into it, wanna let me dick u down?
you: lol
jisung: ?
you: sorry, not really into being fucked by guys who lie abt their identity
jisung: lol wym
you: no way ppl on here actually think ur han jisung
jisung: yes they do?
jisung: because i am?
you: you'll forgive me if i don't believe u
jisung: i'd forgive u for a lot of things ;)
jisung: no but fr i am han jisung
jisung: han jisung is me
You chew on your lip, thoroughly amused with the conversation. Did this person really expect you to just believe them? If they were Han Jisung, then you must be Mother Theresa.
you: prove it
jisung: how am i supposed to do that :(
you: i'm sure you'll figure it out
you: prove ur han jisung and i'll let u dick me down any time, any place :)
A giggle bursts forth from you and you take another sip from your wine.
jisung: bet
When you wake up the next morning with a pounding headache, all thoughts of your conversation with the catfish from last night are gone.
The only thing on your mind is a hot meal to soothe your aching stomach and a few Tylenol to calm your raging migraine.
Which is why, when your phone lights up with a notification from Tinder halfway through your breakfast, you can't help but be confused.
You hardly remember re-downloading Tinder last night, and it takes a moment to recall what you had been doing.
When you open the conversation thread, however, it all comes flooding back to you.
jisung: good morning beautiful ;^)
jisung: are the pics i posted on insta enough to prove to u that i am actually han jisung
jisung: posted them just for u :D
Your head throbs and for a moment, the letters on your screen blur together. It takes you longer than necessary to read the messages, but when you do, you can't help but scoff.
you: has anyone told u that u text like an absolute fucking loser
you: and how do those pics prove anything?
you: they're just selfies
you: literally nothing about them proves its u
jisung: oh fuck ur so right
jisung: i didn't even think of that
jisung: so does this mean u don't believe me :(
you: obviously ???
"What did your phone do to you?"
Across from you, your best friend Seungmin sits, chewing thoughtfully on his eggs.
"What do you mean?"
He raises a brow. "You're glaring at it like it personally offended you. So who's next on the hit list?"
"Ugh," you groan, rolling your eyes. "It's just some weirdo, no need to worry about it."
"Okay..."
Your catfisher doesn't respond, leaving you to enjoy your breakfast in peace. In broad daylight, entertaining some weirdo behind a fake profile seems even more stupid than it did last night. And yet, you can't find it in yourself to delete the app, or even unmatch with him.
Maybe it is because you want to see just how far he's willing to go to keep up this charade. Maybe it is because you want to believe that he is telling the truth, that it actually is the Han Jisung.
Most likely, though, it's probably because you're bored and like to fuck around with stupid men for the entertainment value.
The next message from him comes later that night.
jisung: alright
jisung: what can i do to prove that i'm actually han jisung
jisung: i've spent all day trying to figure it out but i can't
Your hangover has finally faded away, and Seungmin has just left you alone after badgering you all day to help him with his newest home renovation project.
you: awww is it too much for ur wittle brain to handle?
you: if u can't even do this how do u expect to... what was it?
you: "blow my back out"?
jisung: babe, i don't need to be a genius to dick u down the way u deserve
you: ...
you: did u just indirectly imply that ur dumb?
jisung: no
jisung: ok maybe but i don't wanna talk abt it
You are getting ready for bed, cleansing your face and reading his messages in between your in depth skincare routine. Despite how absurd it all is, you can't deny that texting your catfisher is actually kind of funny. In fact, you can't remember the last time you had this much fun talking to someone from the godforsaken dating app.
Sure, from a logical perspective, everything about this interaction is a trainwreck. But it is also harmless and amusing, and more importantly, you don't owe whoever is on the other side of the screen anything.
jisung: back to the question at hand
jisung: what can i do to prove to u i'm really han jisung
jisung: just say the word and i'll do it
you: and why exactly are u so interested in proving it to me?
you: if u were really han jisung, wouldn't it be easier to move the fuck on to someone who actually believes u?
jisung: yeah...
jisung: but ur hot
jisung: and i'm kinda into this push and pull thing
jisung: ...and did i mention ur hot?
you: ur so fucking weird
jisung: thank you! :D
you: NOT a compliment
jisung: yes it is ;)
jisung: sooo... help?
you: nah
you: u gotta work for it
jisung: ur so evil... so hot but soooo evil....
When you go to bed, you dream of Han Jisung and catfishes and an evil red flame chasing you. And you are surprised to see a familiar message light up your home screen the next morning when you wake up.
You are even more surprised that your catfish continues to message you throughout the week. You figured that after a day or two, they would grow bored and give up. Instead, you find that whoever it is, they are very dedicated to proving themself as the Han Jisung.
Every day, your catfish has a new ploy of how to convince you of his real identity. And every day, you take delight in pointing out that the evidence he provides is circumstantial at best.
The thing that surprises you the most is that you continue to indulge him. Even if your catfish didn't grow bored of you, you figured eventually you would grow bored of him. Instead, you find yourself slowly becoming endeared to his strange habits and his quirky way of texting.
It gets to the point that even Seungmin notices.
"Are you seeing someone new?" He asks over dinner one day.
You scoff. "Um, no. What the hell?"
"My bad," he narrows his eyes at you. "You've just been smiling at your phone really weirdly lately."
It's because your catfish had just sent you the cutest cat video ever after you mentioned one time how you love cats. But you don't tell him that.
Instead, you say, "you think any time I smile, it's weird. Not very best friend material of you."
He clicks his tongue.
"Not my fault you look stupid when you smile."
Later that night, the message comes through right as you are about to fall asleep.
jisung: ok!!!!! i think i got it right this time!!!
jisung: if i post a selfie in approximately five minutes of me in a white shirt will u believe i'm han jisung
jisung: ok maybe ur asleep
jisung: but i look really fucking good so i'm going to post it now
jisung: but this is me going on the record, the selfie WILL be of han jisung (me) in a white t-shirt
jisung: seeee!!!! i'm telling u BEFORE i post it!!! ahaahahaha
jisung: aaaaand just posted :^)
To his credit, when you open Instagram, you do see a selfie uploaded only minutes before of Han Jisung in a white shirt. Just like he said. And yet...
you: nice try
you: but again, doesn't really prove anything
jisung: whaaaaat D:
you: everyone knows jisung posts after every show
you: u just got lucky with the timing today
jisung: ughgghhhhhh
jisung: okay fineeeee but what abt the shirt
jisung: i told u the color of my shirt!!!
you: i've already seen like twenty videos of him from the concert tn in that white shirt
you: doesn't take a genius to figure it out
jisung: noooooo
jisung: i knew i should have changed shirts :((((
you: at least u got one thing right tn
you: jisung rlly does look fucking hot in that pic
A smile threatens to break across your face as you scroll through your text chain. Then, you remember who exactly you are messaging (more importantly, that you have no idea who is on the other side of the screen) and your expression evens out.
You close your phone, putting it on silent, and then go to sleep before you can do something stupid, like continue the conversation further.
If you were able to look past the most glaring red flag of your catfish, aka the fact that they are a catfish, you would be able to admit that they actually have a few redeeming qualities. Funny, endearing, kind of a loser... In other words, exactly your type.
And worst of all, you find yourself almost wanting to believe that the person on the other side of the screen is the real Han Jisung.
In fact, you find yourself paying more attention to the rockstar than you normally would. You were a casual stan before, but something about your catfisher has you paying attention to every move he makes.
Like the one time you decided to tune into his Instagram live, you logged in to see Han Jisung wearing that same godforsaken white shirt, lounging in a chair and reading comments.
From a completely objective perspective, you could admit that Han Jisung is the ideal candidate to steal an identity from if one was catfishing. He's hot, he's popular, and there's just something a little endearing about the small curve of his lip when he smirks, or the way his eyes light up when he laughs.
"Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel," Jisung reads aloud.
A silly smile stretches across his lips.
"Actually," he begins. "I have been told I look like a squirrel, ahaha. Funny you bring it up."
The comments light up at the bashful way he answers the question.
"Although," he continues, chewing on his lip as his smile becomes more secretive. "Recently, I've also been told I look a little like a hamster. Especially when I'm eating. Isn't that so funny?"
His words shoot right to your heart, and your skin lights on fire. What did he just say?
The words are familiar, so familiar that you have to pause and think about it. And then, you remember your conversation with your catfisher...
A few days ago, you had been talking about Han Jisung and a photo he had posted of him eating ramen way too fast. You had made the passing remark that he looks a little like a hamster, or a gerbil, especially when he makes that expression.
Your catfish had taken personal offense, of course, but you brushed him off as you always do.
Except now... Why is the real Han Jisung bringing it up?
It takes a few moments of panicked contemplation for you to realize that you are probably not the only one who made the comparison. In fact, when you furiously click back to the photo on his Instagram feed, you find that more than a few people have also commented saying the same thing.
Your heart calms as reality comes back to you, and you can't help but laugh a little. At least now your catfisher will have good ammunition when he comes to you later, no doubt with another ploy on how to convince you he is the real Han Jisung.
Only, over the next few days, you notice that he does not bring up the hamster comment at all.
Disaster strikes again a few nights later. You have claimed the night as a self-care night because of the week you have had, and in your eyes, a self-care night means one thing: alcohol and trashy TV.
Tonight, your poison of choice is a spicy margarita. Well actually, a few of them.
Margaritas aren't your solo night drinks—Seungmin was supposed to come over and hang with you, but cancelled at the last minute like the bitch he is, leaving you with a few too many drinks that you might have made double, and the entire night to yourself.
The only issue is that tequila drunk you isn't regular drunk you. No, tequila has a way of bringing out your most base instincts, making you act out in the most inhumane way possible, leading you down a path of destruction. Tequila is inevitable.
In other words, tequila drunk you is horny drunk you.
Which is why you're surprised it takes you two whole hours before you pull out your phone and message your catfish boy.
you: u know
you: u might not be the real han jisung
you: but i gotta give it to u
you: u really know how to curate a profile for the female gaze
you: like damn
you: u def picked the hottest pictures of him
The alcohol has already started to burn through your veins, casting a hazy sheen over your apartment, when your phone buzzes.
jisung: oh?
jisung: do tell
jisung: i soooo love compliments :) especially when they come from u ;)
you: ur so fucking weird
you: do u like get off on me describing what i find hot about another man
jisung: maybe
jisung: and ur the weird one???
jisung: u keep texting even tho u think i'm catfishing u (i'm NOT!!!)
you: shut the fuck up
jisung: yes mommy
you: i'm going to kill u
jisung: ok my bad!! anyways continue
jisung: would love to hear abt what u think is hot abt me
You bite your lip, contemplating whether or not it is a good idea to continue the conversation. But you are also on the border between tipsy and drunk, and the insatiable need to be a fucking menace outweighs all logic.
you: perv
you: u better not get off on this but like
you: his hands are just... sooo sexy
you: the callouses and the nail polish... mmm
you: and his mouth. oh my god.
you: u can just tell from the way that he sings he would be soooo good at eating u out. his mouth would feel like heaven fr
jisung: mmhmm?
you: that is just definitely a man who knows where the clit is
you: GOD and his lips
you: i bet making out w him is hot and messy and nasty oh my god
jisung: wanna find out?
you: shut up
jisung: ok fineeee
jisung: and what else
The unfiltered horny thoughts have been set free by the tequila, and you can't help the way your face flushes, the way your thighs clench together.
you: his face is so pretty
you: i bet his dick is too
jisung: fuck
jisung: that's hot
you: ?
jisung: u describing all the things u find hot about me
jisung: its hot
you: ANYWAYS that's enough for tonight
you: ur getting too delusional again
You take a long sip from your drink, hoping the coolness will calm the heat that is spreading through your body. It does, if only for a moment.
Then, you make the mistake of checking your phone one last time.
jisung: yeah baby, whatever helps u sleep at night
jisung: just remember to think of my pretty dick when u fuck urself later tn
jisung: and remember its your fault that all you have are ur fingers to help u
Your squirm where you are sat on the couch, a strange concoction of arousal and shame swirling in the pit of your stomach.
And when you do fuck yourself later that night, bringing yourself to two unsatisfying orgasms, you can't help but think that it really is no one's fault but your own.
The next day, you decide enough is enough.
Entertaining your catfisher has gone on for much longer than you thought it would. In fact, you haven't had a serious conversation with anyone other than him since re-downloading Tinder, and frankly, it is has spiraled out of control.
You spend a few too many painstaking hours revamping your profile, choosing only the best (read: most slutty) photos you can find of yourself, and when you are finally satisfied, you put your phone down to yourself and swear that you won't answer him the next time he messages you.
Then he messages you and that all goes out the door.
jisung: holy shit
jisung: did u just update ur profile
you: yes?
jisung: u look so fucking hot
jisung: who are u updating ur profile for?
you: tf do u mean
jisung: i mean that picture is screaming fuck me
jisung: who are u trying to convince?
jisung: u don't have to try so hard babe, my offer still stands
jisung: let me dick u down so good u delete this app
you: :)
jisung: don't send that stupid smiley face when you've spent the past two weeks fucking around w me
jisung: if u were here w me rn we'd be able to kill two birds with one stone
you: ?
jisung: me proving i'm actually han jisung and u letting me blow ur back out
you: idk
you: u sure u got what it takes?
jisung: babe
jisung: i'd fuck u so good u wouldn't even know ur name after
you: bold words for a man who hasn't even shown me his face
jisung: god ur such a brat
jisung: do u ever shut up?
you: i'm sure you'd love to know
jisung: yeah. you'd shut up if my dick was in ur mouth
jisung: bet u like that huh?
jisung: bet u just loooove when someone puts u in ur place
jisung: that's why u act out so much isn't it
you: the fuck is that supposed to mean
jisung: that u need someone to fuck the attitude out of u
jisung: but don't worry
jisung: just say the word and i'll do it, free of charge
you: as if
jisung: there goes that mouth again
jisung: it's hot when u talk back
jisung: would be hotter if u were on ur knees being fucked so stupid u couldn't say anything at all.
you: too bad you'll never get a chance to find out
jisung: fuck u
you: yeah i know, ur trying really hard
jisung: god
jisung: look we're having a show downtown this friday
jisung: u should come so i can prove that i really am han jisung
jisung: and then u can be a good little girl and come backstage so i can blow ur back out
you: very presumptuous of u to assume i'd want to come
jisung: you'll be begging me to come by the time i'm done with you
jisung: see u friday :) u won't regret it
you: you won't be seeing me because i'm not going :) better luck next time :)
You, in fact, do end up going.
Not by choice, of course. You would like to point out that your unwillingness in attending the show is a very important distinction.
No, you end up getting dragged out of your apartment and to the bar where the concert is being held by none other than your best friend, Seungmin.
"Stop whining," he chides as you both get into the Uber.
"Seung," you pout. "I don't wanna go."
He rolls his eyes. "You're already dressed, and you like SKZ. What's the issue?"
You frown, fingering the material of your skirt.
"I just don't want to go," you grumble.
Maybe it is silly to be so insistent on not going just to prove a point to someone catfishing you on Tinder. Okay, scratch the maybe. But still, out of principle, you don't want to give him—whoever he is—the satisfaction.
"And why do you care so much about seeing them?" You ask. "Last I checked, you don't listen to SKZ."
Seungmin shrugs. "Hyunjin and I go back. Gotta support or whatever..."
You gape at him. Hyunjin, as in Hwang Hyunjin, as in the most popular member of SKZ?
"You're friends with Hyunjin and you never told me?"
You want to smack him over the head, especially when he shrugs his shoulders again.
"God, sometimes I can't stand you..."
The entire drive to the venue, the pout remains firmly in place. Seungmin doesn't seem bothered by your bratty attitude—but, then again, he never does.
When you arrive, he doesn't say anything as he drags you out of the car and then into the bar, all the way to the barricade. You aren't sure how he manages to do it, considering just how packed the venue already is, but you can't really say you're surprised.
After all, when Seungmin puts his mind to it, he can do anything.
The silver lining of it all is that he manages to swipe a drink from the bar before delving into the crowd. He shoves it into your hand, and when you take a sip from it, you find that the sharp burn of vodka soothes your irritation.
A feverish excitement floats through the air of the venue. The stage is already set up—the drum set towards the back, three mic stands staggered in the front, an amp off to the side.
You have never enjoyed concerts, but the atmosphere isn't the worst thing ever... In fact, there's something sensual about the dim lights and the anticipation.
"When is this going to start?" You whine to Seungmin.
He rolls his eyes. "Patience is a virtue, you know?"
"Not being a bitch to your best friend is also a virtue," you snark back.
The two of you bicker back and forth for the next few minutes, until Seungmin grows tired of it and simply stops replying to you.
Which, of course, doesn't do anything for your already irritated mood. No matter, though. You can find some other way to occupy yourself. Like...
jisung: how's the crowd?
you: ?
jisung: out in the audience
jisung: u getting bored waiting for me?
you: lol ur funny
you: the only thing i'm waiting for is the takeout i ordered
jisung: cmon babe ur breaking my heart
jisung: can't u at least wish me good luck?
you: break a leg!
you: or maybe two :)
jisung: would rather break ur bed ;)
jisung: oh shit they're calling us on stage rn
jisung: talk to u later ;)))
You scoff at his messages. It's still funny how dedicated he is to keeping the facade up, you can't help but think.
But before you have the chance to type a reply calling him out on it, the lights dim and the crowd goes wild. The air is practically thrumming with excitement, and you put your phone away.
A stream of white smoke billows onstage, and the strum of an opening chord sends shockwaves throughout the venue.
"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen!" A voice announces from backstage. "So glad you could all make it!"
The screams grow deafening, and another chord is strung, echoing through the amp.
And then, right as the cheers hit their peak, the first member walks on stage.
His blue hair is shocking and his smile is bright as he waves out into the audience before taking his seat behind the drums.
"I love you Felix!" Someone screams from behind you.
Next, a young boy with a mischievous smirk—Jeongin, you recognize—runs on, giving Felix a high five on his way to the right side of the stage. Another deafening scream rises when he wraps his hand around the mic.
The screams only grow louder when Hyunjin walks on stage, running a hand through his hair as he goes. When he reaches the section of the audience that you and Seungmin are standing in, he looks down before blowing a kiss, one hand snug on the strap of his bass guitar.
Seungmin doesn't miss a beat before sticking his middle finger up at him, and Hyunjin laughs as he takes his position.
And then, the moment that you have been waiting for: Han Jisung, the real Han Jisung in the flesh, strides out on stage.
Your breath catches in your throat—you have always thought he was attractive. It would be a crime against humanity to not think such a gorgeous man was hot. But today... His hair is wavy and chocolate brown, his arms are covered with a large blazer, pins decorating the front, and his pants are so sinfully tight that you feel a blush rise to your face.
And as he walks straight to his position, front and center on the stage, you swear, it is like his eyes stay trained on you the entire way.
But it would be absurd to think that he's looking at you specifically, right? There's no way the real Han Jisung would. All this talk with your catfish must really be fucking with your head.
The opening note of the first song pierces the air right as Jisung takes his place, his fingers deftly strumming his electric guitar, and when he opens his mouth and begins to sing, you can't help but scream along with the rest of the crowd.
The rest of the concert passes in a frenetic, adrenaline obscured haze. The energy of the band and of the audience play off of each other, rising and swelling like a tide that you feel swept away by.
Even Seungmin—for someone who claims to only be here for his friend—seems to be caught up in the atmosphere as well.
And the entire time, you can't shake the feeling that Han Jisung is looking at you. Not towards you, not near you, but at you.
You know it is silly, but his gaze bores into you as he sings, while his fingers pluck the strings of his impressive guitar solo—even between songs when he bends down, close enough for you to see the fake freckles dotted across his face, and reaches for his water bottle.
It is almost a relief, then, when the band finally performs the last song of the set and regretfully takes their leave from the stage.
The lights in the club flicker back on and a sigh leaves your lips as the crowd slowly begins to stream out. You can't wait to get home and sleep—you are sweaty in places that you most definitely should not be, and it's not just because of the heat of the audience.
Except, when you go to leave, Seungmin wraps his finger around your wrist.
"What now?" You whine, your pout returning when you see the too-innocent smile on his face.
"We're going backstage," he tells you. "Just for a few. Hyunjin will kill me if I leave without saying hi to him."
"Oh my god," you breathe. "Noooo. I don't wanna."
"Stop being a brat," he chides.
Despite your protest, you don't hesitate to follow as he leads the way further into the bar, past the stage and through to the back.
Seungmin strolls into the dressing room with practiced ease, which makes you wonder how many shows, exactly, he's visited Hyunjin at.
"Seung!" Hyunjin exclaims, skipping towards him and wrapping his arms around his neck.
"Hyunjin," Seungmin sighs. He doesn't move to unwrap the other man's arms from his neck, though, which surprises you.
"Thanks for coming," he smiles so wide you think his face might break.
"And who's this?" He perks up, his eyes landing on you.
"Hm? Oh, that's my best friend," Seungmin says.
"Hi," you wave awkwardly.
"Hi!" Hyunjin smiles again.
"I'm Hyunjin, and this is Jisung," he motions to where the boy sits in a chair off to the side. Your lips part, surprised. He was so still that you hadn't even noticed him.
Jisung's eyes flit over you briefly and his lifts a hand in greeting, but doesn't say much more.
"Felix and Jeongin are around here somewhere," Hyunjin says, his attention focused again on Seungmin.
"They better be," Seungmin frowns. "Jeongin still owes me from last time."
"Wanna go find them?" Hyunjin asks. "I think they stepped out so Jeongin could flirt with the bartender."
"Hmm, do I want to go and embarrass Jeongin in front of someone he's interested in?" Seungmin pretends to think about it.
Hyunjin giggles, and before you have the opportunity to say anything, the two of them practically run out of the room, leaving you alone.
Scratch that, leaving you alone with Han Jisung.
Your chest flushes with anxiety at the sound of the door shutting behind them, and you stand still, frozen and unsure of what to do.
"So..." Jisung begins, breaking the awkward silence that settles over the two of you. "Did you enjoy the show?"
"Oh, yeah, you guys were really good," you nod.
"Thanks!" He says. "Glad you had fun."
"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," you continue. "N-Not that I thought you guys would be bad! Concerts just aren't really my thing. I actually only came because Seungmin dragged me along, so... yeah."
A grin stretches across his face. "You're cute."
Your face flushes.
"Um..."
"No need to look so flustered," Jisung continues. "You've said much worse to me before."
"What?" Your stomach turns in confusion.
"Oh, c'mon, Y/N." Jisung pouts. "We've been talking for weeks. Do you really not recognize me?"
"H-How do you know my name?"
A strange sense of panic wells up inside of you. You haven't told him your name yet, which means...
Jisung raises a brow. "Do you believe me now?"
You gasp.
"No way."
"Surprise?"
"No fucking way," you gasp again. "You're joking."
"I told you I was really Han Jisung." He pushes himself up from his chair, taking a step towards you. "You're the one who assumed I was a catfish."
You gape at him.
"Oh my god," you breathe out.
"I look better in person, don't I?" Jisung jokes.
"You're... real."
He nods. "Yup. I've only been telling you that for like, ever."
Jisung takes another step towards you. A thin sheen of sweat glazes over his face and his hair is plastered to his forehead. He has long since taken off the blazer he was wearing before, leaving him only in a white dress shirt and those stupid sexy black pants.
"Oh my god," you repeat, your face flushing when you think about all the horny things you said to him... about him.
"And you just let me say all that shit to you?" You gasp. "This is so embarrassing, oh my god, I'm so sorry—"
"I dunno," Jisung interrupts you. "It was kind of hot, hearing all the things you like about me."
You scoff even as your heart beats faster. "Praise kink much?"
"Yes," he nods, looking you straight in the eye.
There is something very attractive about the way he doesn't even try to deny it that sends heat flooding through your system.
"O-oh."
"So..." He takes another step towards you, and you take a step backwards. "You gonna make good on your promise?"
"What promise?"
You take another step backwards, only to find your back pressed against the door behind you.
"Hmmm, what was it again..."
A promising smirk dances across his lips as he pulls out his phone.
"'Prove you're Han Jisung and I'll let you dick me down any time, any place,'" he reads aloud.
"Oh my god."
"Is that all you know how to say?"
"Sorry, this is kind of a lot to process," you bite back.
"Is it?"
"If you were really Han Jisung this entire time," you pause. "Why didn't you try harder to prove it?"
He pouts. "I was trying hard."
You stare at him.
"You could have done so much more, like, I dunno, send me a picture of yourself?"
He pauses, as if the thought never occurred to him.
"Oh."
"Yeah, oh."
Jisung is so close that you can see the individual strands of hair swept across his face, you can see every ridge of his brow as it furrows. You can even see the moment that his expression shifts from vaguely contemplative to utterly smug.
"Well..." He begins. "Just for the record, you definitely look better in person."
"Thanks?"
"You're welcome," he flashes a dopey smile that is a stark juxtaposition to the predatory look in his eyes as he stares down at you, as if he wants to devour you whole.
You can't deny the way it sends a thrill down your spine. It is no secret between the two of you that you find him insanely attractive, and after seeing him perform—the confidence he has on stage, the utter skill it requires to put on a show that good—your attraction to him has only increased.
It is in the visceral way your body reacts to him, too. He hasn't even touched you, but you know that a hazy blush is painted across your cheeks, that your heart is beating a mile a minute, that your panties are undeniable damp by simply being in his presence.
Maybe that is why when his eyes flicker down to your lips and his breath fans against your face, you find yourself saying, "so? Are you gonna make good on your promise, or are you all talk?"
The way his gaze darkens at your words is equal parts terrifying and exhilarating, even as he takes one more impossible step forward, crowding you even further against the wall.
"Oh, this is going to be so much fun," he says, his hand reaching to grab your jaw and turn it towards him.
The front of his body molds against yours and your breath catches in your throat right as he presses his lips hard against yours.
The way Han Jisung kisses is the same way he performs—with everything he has in him. It is as messy and nasty as you had hoped, you think as he practically devours you.
There is a sense of urgency in the way his lips move against yours, parting slightly as he uses his tongue to coax a moan out of you. He licks into you, panting as he practically fucks your mouth with his.
The kiss is desperate and sloppy and so hot that you can't help the way your thighs clench. All you can think about is if he eats pussy the same way he makes out, which in turn only makes you even hornier.
His hands skim down your body, resting at your hips as he pushes one leg in between yours.
"Good, right?" He asks when he pulls away from your lips, moving to suckle at the sweet spot in the juncture of your jaw and your neck.
"Hmm, yeah," you say breathily, your eyes sliding shut as pleasure courses through you.
Jisung bites down, eliciting a yelp that fades into a moan when he uses his tongue to lave over the sensitive skin.
"God," he pants, rutting his hips against you. "You've been so mean to me these past few weeks, hmm?"
"N-No I haven't," you deny.
"Really? Then what do you call the way you've been texting me? You were stringing me along and having a lot of fun with it too, hmm?"
"Nope," you shake your head and he moves his leg against you. The pressure is delicious and it has you biting back a whimper. "Not my fault you couldn't figure out a way to prove to me you were real."
At your words, Jisung pulls away from you completely, faux disappointment stretched across his face.
"There you go, being mean again."
His pout is deceiving and you struggle to catch your breath, practically squirming under his gaze.
"But it's okay," he sighs. "I guess I'll just have to show you how mean you've been."
Jisung takes a step back, leaving you reeling from the lack of sensation. Your hand grips the door frame behind you and your face scrunches up into something that resembles a pout.
You watch, confused, as he walks over to the vanity and motions to the chair in front of it.
"Come take a seat."
You take a steeling breath, not sure of what exactly he is going to do next. He cocks an eyebrow at you when you don't move, which spurs you into action.
Awkwardly, you clamber into the chair, crossing your legs timidly as he stares you down.
Your breath then catches in your throat when he kneels before you, gently prying your legs apart.
"What was it you said about my mouth?" He muses, looking up at your through his thick eyelashes. "That it must feel like heaven, right?"
Your lips part, only a puff of hot air escaping them as you try to remember what he is referring to.
"I'm going to eat you out now," he tells you. "Is that okay?"
"U-um" you stutter. "What if—what if s-someone walks in?"
"I locked the door," he tells you. "So... Yes?"
Your eyes drift over to the door, where you see the lock is turned. You inhale slowly. Then, you nod.
"Yeah..."
His hands move from your knees up your thighs and to the hem of your skirt.
"This skirt is so sexy on you," he says. "It's what you're wearing in that picture you added to your profile, right?"
You nod quickly, your eyes focused on the way he pushes it up to reveal the black panties you're wearing underneath.
"God, you're so wet," he notes as he stares at you, and you can't help but feel nervous under his calculating gaze.
He lifts a thumb to your covered core, running it lightly against the fabric of your underwear, and your breath hitches. The sensation is light, barely a ghost of a touch, and yet it feels both too much and not enough.
Jisung looks up at you, a small smirk stretched across his lips, and he repeats the motion with a little bit more pressure. You inhale sharper, and he continues the pattern, pressing down a little bit harder each time until you are whimpering under his touch.
"You were playing so hard to get, but look at you now," he sighs. "I've barely even touched you and you're already whining for me."
You suck your bottom lip between your teeth, trying desperately to control the sounds coming out of you.
Then, Jisung moves his thumb off of you completely, using both his hands to push your thighs apart further. You watch as he leans down, nosing your panties, and then laps at your clothed core.
"Mmm," he sighs. His fingers hook through the waistband of your underwear and you lift your hips up to help him pull them off completely.
Jisung has barely thrown them to the side before he is on you again, using one hand to pin your hips down while the other spreads your legs open.
The first touch of his lips on you has you choking on a moan. He presses a light kiss against your folds, smiling slightly when you squirm underneath him.
"Please," you pant when he continues the chaste kisses. "More—"
He moans against you as your wrap your fingers in his hair, urging him forward, and it seems that is enough to encourage him.
His tongue licks a long, wet stripe before pushing into you, moving against you in a way that has you letting out a string of breathy moans. You were right—he eats you out the same way he kissed you: wet and messy, with his entire tongue.
It almost seems like he is eating you out for his own pleasure rather than yours; his mouth remains everywhere but your clit, sending shockwaves through your system while also leaving you desperate for more. The few stray bumps of your clit with his nose have you jolting under him, but you are pressed firmly in place by his hand against your hips.
"O-Oh," you moan, your eyelids sliding shut.
His tongue pulls away, giving him enough room to hook one finger up inside of you. The sensation has you whimpering under him, immediately clenching down.
"You're so tight," he groans pushing the finger in and out of you slowly.
"Feels good," you whimper, looking down at him through lidded eyes. He looks so hot like this, his mouth wet and his lips swollen, his eyes blown out.
A moan gets caught in the back of his throat and then his mouth is on you again, moving fast and sloppy against you. The sound of it fills the dressing room and your grip on his hair tightens.
You pull when his nose presses hard against your clit, which only causes him to moan again and move even faster against you.
And then, his mouth moves from your hole up to your clit. You almost sob when his lips wrap around your clit, sucking harshly. Two of his fingers push into you again, rubbing upwards at your g-spot.
In turn, your fingers tighten even more in his hair, and you aren't sure whether to pull him away or push him down further on you.
A moan builds up in your chest and your eyes screw shut.
"Oh my god, oh, I'm going to—I'm almost—"
The sensation of your orgasm builds in the pit of your stomach, sending flashes of heat through your core. Only, right when you are about to topple over the precipice, Jisung pulls away completely.
"What—please—" You whine at the loss, clenching down on nothing as he simple watches. "I was so close."
Tears brim your eyes as your chest heaves, and a smirk plays across Jisung's wet lips.
"But why should I let you come?"
"You're being mean," you practically whine, feeling empty and strung out.
"Just giving you a taste of your own medicine," Jisung teases.
"Please," you whisper again, lookin up at him with desperation on your face.
"Hmmm... I think I'd rather you come around my cock instead," he says. "I am supposed to blow your back out, remember?"
You struggle to get your breathing under control as you watch him push himself off of his knees.
"Up," he motions. "I want you to watch while I fuck you stupid."
You scramble from your position in the chair, your legs almost giving out as you push yourself onto your feet.
"Bend over," Jisung says. His eyes are on the vanity, and you are so desperate to come that you don't hesitate in pressing your chest down on the counter, rolling your skirt up as high as it goes before jutting your ass out in his direction.
You watch through the mirror as he unbuckles his pants pushing them down only far enough for him to pull his dick out. From this angle, you can't see much, obscured by your body, but you notice the way he wraps his hand around the base as he pulls out a condom.
You almost whimper when he rips the foil open with his teeth, and you clench around nothing at the sharp inhale he takes when he rolls the condom onto his length.
"You ready?" Jisung asks then, one hand wrapping around your hip.
You nod quickly, desperately. His face is flushed and his dick is hard when he presses it against your back. The feeling of him, hot and heavy, only makes you wriggle your hips towards him.
He clicks his tongue at you, a firm hand pressing against your ass.
"Please," you breathe. "Want to feel you."
"So impatient," he rolls his eyes, but you don't miss the hunger in his gaze as he stares down at you.
Then, before you can complain more, the head of his cock is at your entrance. He pushes it slowly into you, groaning at the feeling as you suck him in.
You both exhale when he is all the way in, his tip kissing your cervix.
"You're so big," you whimper, and he lets out a small groan at your words.
"Fuck, you feel so good," Jisung pants as he pulls out slowly, moving his hips in small and shallow strokes. "So hot and wet and tight."
"Faster," you whine, moving your hips back in an attempt to feel his dick deeper. "Please, I need more."
You crane your neck to look at him, and the hand on your hips moves to push your head forward, pressing your cheek down against the vanity.
"Watch yourself," Jisung pants, rutting his hips faster. "Watch as I fuck you stupid."
Your eyes glance up and you see your expression: eyes glazed over, face flushed, mouth parted. You look the picture of debauchery, thoroughly and completely fucked out. And behind you, Jisung looks just as far gone.
His face is screwed up in pleasure and his bottom lip is caught between his teeth
"Oh my god," you pant, your orgasm building again inside of you. "You feel so good inside of me, Jisung, oh my god. Your dick is so perfect, filling me up, holy shit."
You words pull a whimper from his mouth and his hips stutter. You swear you can feel his dick twitch inside of you, and then he pulls out completely, his hand wrapping tightly around the base of his dick.
"What the fuck," he whines, panting heavily.
"Why—" you begin again, pushing yourself up.
Then, your eyes land on his face, where his brows are furrowed, his face is drawn taut, his eyes are squeezed shut as he tries to even out his breathing, and it dawns on you.
"Oh," you breathe, a small smirk stretching across your face.
You push yourself up from the vanity and turn around to face him.
"What's wrong, Jisung?" You ask, feigning worry.
"N-Nothing," he breathes. "Just give me a second."
"Why?" You lean in close, placing your hand on his shoulder and pushing yourself up near his ear.
"Scared you're going to come too fast?"
"N-No!" He insists, his wide eyes opening to look at you.
"Did you like me telling you how good you feel inside of me?" You ask, stepping closer to him.
He shakes his head but his eyes dart downward, unable to meet your gaze.
"I think you did," you whisper. "I think you loved hearing how amazing your pretty dick felt inside of me. I think you loved hearing how perfectly you fill me up, how amazing you were making me feel. Hmm?"
A choked whimper falls from his lips, and when you push lightly on his chest, he all but collapses into the chair behind him.
"So, Jisungie," you drawl, perching yourself onto the vanity he had just been fucking you into. "Are you going to be a good boy and fuck me the way you promised?"
He looks up at you, panting, and nods quickly.
You spread your legs. "Then come and fuck me."
Jisung practically leaps from the chair in his rush to get to you, and then his lips are on yours, pressing insistently against them as he moans into your mouth.
Below, he rubs his cock against your folds, and you clench around nothing.
"Hurry up," you chide, and he whimpers before pushing into you. The stretch has you moaning around him, and the sound only spurs him on.
The way he was fucking you before pales in comparison to the way his hips move now, rolling desperately into you. Somehow, he feels even harder inside of you, and you wrap your legs around him, hooking your ankles together so that he can hit even deeper inside of you.
"Oh, just like that," you moan. "You're doing so good for me, god, you feel perfect inside, hitting so deep, fucking me so good."
The words are partly because you can't hold it in, but mostly because you are hoping it will drive him wild.
His mouth falls open as a string of moans, each one louder than the previous, escape his lips. He sounds sexy and the noises go straight to your core.
Jisung whines when you clench down on him, and his furious pace only increases, to the point where his thrusts are so shallow each one brushes deliciously against your g-spot.
"You're so-oh, s-so loud," you pant. "So desperate, hmm?"
He nods.
"You feel so good," he whines. "A-Am I making you feel good?"
"Yes," you moan. "But you're being too loud. What if someone catches us?"
His lips clamp shut, and to his credit, he does try to hold in his noises. But when you clench down on him again, this time intentionally, he can't help the whimper that slips past.
"Too loud, Jisung," you chide. Your hand lifts to cup his jaw, and he leans into your touch.
"Open," you instruct, and a satisfied smile stretches across your lips.
You push two of your fingers into his mouth and his lips wrap around them immediately, his eyes darkening.
"That's better."
The effect is instantaneous: his hips stutter as he continues to thrust into you, and he sucks gently on your fingers, moaning around them. His tongue is soft as it swirls around the digits in his mouth, and his face flushes further.
"So good," you coo. "Are you going to come for me?"
He nods.
"Good boy," you say. "Come for me, Jisungie, hmm?"
His moans devolve into sharp whines, and then with one final thrust, he comes. You roll your hips downwards, meeting his jerky thrusts as he fucks you through his orgasm, before he finally stills inside of you and releases your fingers with a pop.
"Did I say you could stop?" You ask as his face falls into your neck.
"W-What?" Jisung pants his breath still uneven as he comes down from his high.
You raise a brow. "You didn't make me come. So why are you stopping?"
"B-But—"
"Unless you don't want to be good for me," you sigh, making a move to pull away from him.
"No!" Jisung insists. "Wait, I-I can do it. Please?"
His dick hasn't softened yet, but you know it must be oversensitive from the way he winces. Still, he pushes further inside of you without another word.
Jisung moves much slower now, cringing as both pain and pleasure run through him. However, at this new pace, he is able to reach deeper inside of you, and it feels just as good—if not better.
"Yeah," you moan, "just like that."
You have been amped up ever since he denied your orgasm earlier, and it doesn't take much to bring you close to the edge.
"I-I'm almost there," you pant, clinging onto Jisung's shoulders as he whines into your neck. "J-Just a little bit more, please, so close—"
His fingers reach down in between your bodies and rub against your clit, hands jerky and uncoordinated and yet somehow just enough to bring you right to your orgasm.
With a choked moan, he pushes you over the edge, coaxing you through your orgasm with his thumb on your clit and his lips pressed against your neck.
It is only once you have finally come down that Jisung shakily pulls out, peeling the condom off and discarding it in the trash. You watch, breathless, as he tucks his softening dick away and pulls his pants up, before picking your discarded panties up.
You think he is going to hand them to you, but instead, he bends down and slides your feet through the holes, helping you put them back on. It is rather endearing, the way he helps you stand up and smoothes your skirt down, before grabbing a water bottle and handing it to you.
"So..." He begins bashfully. "Was that, uh, okay?"
"Okay?" You ask, handing the water bottle back to him after you take a sip. "Uh, I can't remember the last time I was fucked that good."
"Really?" The shy look on his face has you biting back a smile.
"God," you sigh, flopping down onto the chair in front of you. "If you weren't such a loser, we could have been doing this ages ago."
"Um, no," he denies. "If you weren't so stubborn."
"Really? You're going to argue with me when you're the one who couldn't figure out a way to prove you weren't a catfish?"
"I mean, when you put it that way..."
"Also," you pause. "Has anyone told you that you text like an absolutely douche?"
"Well..." You raise a brow and he giggles, running a sheepish hand through his hair.
"Right," you click your tongue. "It was me."
"So, um, anyways..." Jisung begins, fidgeting with his fingers. "Now that I've blown your back out, or whatever and you believe that I'm actually Han Jisung... D'you think I'd be able to, I dunno, take you on a date or something?"
"Hmm..." You pause, pretending to think. "Only if we can do that again."
if you enjoyed, please don't forget to reblog and leave your feedback/opinions! tysm for reading <3
genre: angst, smut, social media au (with written parts), college au, enemies to lovers
wc: 3.2k
summary: An aspiring journalist, you are the news editor for The Uni Chronicles; the campus newspaper, popular for delivering breaking news at the drop of a hat and providing detailed articles about the various happenings around your university. You think you’ve covered every story there was to cover before you’re tasked with producing an in-depth editorial on a student whose name is on everyone’s lips—Hwang Hyunjin.
masterlist
Flashing lights. Blaring speakers. Warm bodies brushing past him like waves rushing past a stone in the sand. Hyunjin had never felt so alone in a crowd before. The liquor did nothing but amplify the overwhelming sensation in his chest and uproot all of the feelings he had tried to bury. He needed relief. He needed to get out of here.
Hyunjin shuffles through the mass, trying his best to politely dodge waving arms and swaying hips. But one too many bumps pushes his patience past his limit and he finds himself forging his escape path forcefully towards the door, not caring to acknowledge the annoyed faces glaring at him as he weaves through.
Greeted by the long awaited night breeze, he slumps against the wall of the bar, taking in deep breaths of cool air and shutting his eyes in an attempt to shut out the thoughts swarming his brain.
As soon as he indulges in the darkness however, he visualizes you—smiling, laughing, looking breathtakingly beautiful as he always remembers—but next to someone else.
Taeyong. Lee fucking Taeyong. Hyunjin didn't know much about the guy, besides the fact that he was a culinary major and a handsome one at that, but he really didn't need to know more. It was the simple fact that you had gone on a date with someone, anyone, besides him. The fact that you had shared an intimate moment with another while Hyunjin was greedy for all of those moments. He wanted all of them, every single one of them, with you.
Was it a tad possessive for him to feel this way? Maybe. But he's been intent on winning you since before he was even aware of his desires. It's not fair for another man to come in so easily and be instantly rewarded a date with you when he's been trying for months. No—even if he had met you yesterday, Hyunjin could not make peace with the thought of you entertaining another man. Not for one second. He needed you to be his and only his. Because he was already yours. And the longer he gave himself to you without recompense, the more it tore him apart inside.
He was becoming hollow, the pain of your absence eating away at him like an ulcer in his chest. Soon, there would be nothing left. An empty cavity where his heart belonged, before it ran itself to death from pouring too much into you.
You caused it. You took a blade and slashed it open when you decided to go on that date. The tear is only growing as his feelings leak out, overwhelming Hyunjin with grief.
He looked Taeyong up as soon as he heard. Browsed through endless photos on his social media accounts, comparing the man to himself as he tried to reason that he was a better match for you.
This guy doesn’t know you like Hyunjin does. He doesn’t understand that your tough exterior only veils your sweet heart, that you have dreams and aspirations and a plethora of talent to make them into realities. He doesn’t know how much you care for your friends, for strangers you’ve just met, even for an obnoxious soccer player who does nothing but give you hell.
He doesn’t know how you need to be hugged when you’re upset. How you spew harsh words and push away, only to cover up the fact that you’re hurting. How a simple embrace will knock down your walls and allow you to give in to your vulnerabilities.
He can’t love you like I do.
Hyunjin is convinced that no one ever can. Because he’s never felt this way in his life. Not for anyone before and not for anyone else he’ll ever meet. It’s too strong. The way his heart pounds in his chest whenever you’re around. The way his lungs are stripped of air when you kiss him. The way he can’t stop wanting more.
He was doing fine before he met you—never felt the need to care about someone other than himself, well loved by his friends and classmates, and successful on all accounts. But the moment you sat down with him in that coffee shop, the sharp look in your eyes telling him that you saw straight through his antics and wouldn’t be fooled like so many others in his life, he knew you’d turn his world on edge. He just didn’t know it’d be like this. Like a part of him was missing when you’re gone. Like he can’t function without you.
Hyunjin feels pathetic, but for once, he doesn’t care. He leans against the cold wall of the bar, watching the cars pass on the road in front of him. There’s a group of guys smoking cigarettes under the streetlight on the other side of the door and a couple making out in the alleyway next to him. The girl was similar in height to you, standing on her tiptoes as the tall man cradled her in his arms, kissing her sloppily with passion. His dark hair brushes against her cheeks, drawing giggles from her.
In his drunken haze, Hyunjin sees that it’s Taeyong kissing you, rapidly blinking his eyes before realizing he was mistaken. But it was too late. The image had traveled to his brain, sending a jolt of pain to his chest and making him sick to his stomach. He had to leave. He had to get away from this place and rid himself of these thoughts somehow. The thought of you with another man pushes him over the edge, nauseating him with fury. Hyunjin needed something to soothe his affliction and all he could think about was you—the cause of his pain and the answer to his anguish.
So he texts you, seeking some sort of solace in your words, but it’s not enough. He needs to see you, needs to hold you, needs to breath you in before he suffocates. Hyunjin calls for a cab and makes his way to you immediately. He can’t get there fast enough. As the driver navigates to your apartment, Hyunjin closes his eyes. He’ll be there soon, he tells himself, he’ll see you soon.
“Is everything good?”
Taeyong’s voice brings you out of the fixation you had on the text conversation in your phone.
“You’re kinda zoning out right now, are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine.” You sigh. “I’m just worried.”
Taeyong sets down his fork next to the bowl of pasta you were sharing. He made it for you because you said you were craving it, and it was the best damn pasta you’d ever tasted. But after only two bites you had stopped eating. You didn’t have an appetite.
“Y/N, we talked through this already, everything is going to be okay. All you need to do is talk it out with him. I think it’s clear how you both feel, don’t you agree?”
“But what if I say the wrong thing? Or what if he won’t listen to me?” You bring your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs to hold them in place. “We’re shit at communicating, Tae. The only times we speak well is when we’re arguing.” You mumble.
“Just speak from your heart. Be honest!” He encourages you. “C’mon, why don’t you tell me how he makes you feel and it can be like you’re practicing for the real thing.”
You bury your head in embarrassment, but go along with his suggestion.
“He makes me feel…nervous, but in a good way. Like when you’re about to go down a drop on a rollercoaster.”
“So, excited?”
“I guess so. My heart beats alarmingly fast around him. I don’t think it’s normal.”
Taeyong laughs. “It may not be normal but I think it’s a good thing. What else?”
“He’s handsome, intimidatingly so. I can’t stop staring at him sometimes, it’s almost like hypnosis.” You mutter. “And it’s also kind of annoying, like who gave him the right to look that good? It’s just not fair. And the fact that he knows it too pisses me off.”
“Okay I think I’m starting to see why you’re so confused about your feelings. Maybe avoid telling him that his face pisses you off if you’re trying to communicate better with him.” Taeyong chuckles. “But why don’t we focus on the positives? It’s a good thing that you think he’s handsome, no? And he surely feels the same way about you. Doesn’t it make you proud that you bagged the campus heartthrob?”
“He’s not just a pretty face, he’s also…really caring, and thoughtful. Somehow he always knows when I’m feeling down, and he finds a way to cheer me up, every time. Even when I’m being an absolute brat, he’ll still comfort me. I think that if my life was falling apart, he could hold me in his arms and everything would be okay. It’s strange, but I feel safe with him. I can tell him anything and he’ll never judge me. He always reassures me and tells me he’s proud of me. I want to share everything with him because I know he’ll support me no matter what.”
You pause, squeezing your legs a little tighter.
“He’s so complex. I thought I knew what kind of guy he was when we first met—a typical self absorbed jock—but he’s so much more. He’s playful and confident, but also introspective and sensitive. He understands a lot more than he leads on. He makes mistakes but isn’t ashamed to admit it, and he always tries his best to improve. But sometimes he’s too hard on himself, even though he’s wonderful just the way he is, and…”
You glance at your phone on the table. No new messages yet. Hyunjin hasn’t responded to your last text.
“And?” Taeyong urges you to continue.
“And I just like him, okay? A lot.”
Taeyong grins in amusement. “You sure you just like him? Because it seems to me like it’s more than that.”
You shift your head and stare at the ground. It is more than that. To say that you like him a lot is an understatement. The thought of him sets your heart fluttering and you think about him all the time. You could fill a whole conservatory with the amount of butterflies he gives you. Hyunjin is the only one who can get you as angry as he does, but he’s also the only one who can calm you down. Something about him makes you feel at home. You can be yourself when you’re with him, even if that means being a little ugly. He’ll still think you’re beautiful. You think he’s beautiful, and not just his looks. In the tender moments when he shares his thoughts with you, his true feelings—you think he’s the most beautiful person in the world.
“I love him.”
The words slip out before you can catch them and hearing them out loud brings heat to your cheeks.
Taeyong looks at you with a proud smile, crossing his arms and leaning back into his seat. “See? Now was that so hard?”
“Yeah, it really was.” You grumble.
“But the more you say it, the easier it’ll be!” He jeers.
You sigh. “I hope you’re right. I feel like I need to say it as soon as possible or else I’ll chicken out.”
Another glance at your phone reveals that Hyunjin still hasn’t responded. It’s been over fifteen minutes since your last message and you start to worry.
“He’s not answering me. I hope he’s okay.” You impatiently tap your fingers on the table.
“His friends are with them right? I’m sure he’s fine, probably just got distracted.” Taeyong reassures you.
“But he was messaging me a lot and then suddenly stopped.” You start to feel anxious. “And he’s been drinking, what if he’s in danger?”
“Y/N, just take a deep breath. Why don’t you call his friends and find out if they’re together? Would that help calm you down?”
Just as you reach for your phone, a message pops up on the screen. It’s from Nari.
—
Nari: hey yn, is hyunjin with you? Changbin just texted me to ask
Y/N: he isn’t with Changbin?
Nari: they were out together but bin can’t find him now
—
You slam your phone down and dart up from the table.
“I need to find Hyunjin. He needs me right now.”
“Woah, is everything okay? Did his friends text you?”
“They can’t find him. No one knows where he is.” You hastily leave the table and head to the door. “I need to find him.”
In a frantic rush, you grab a jacket and swing the door open, and there he was. Hyunjin stood right in front of you, looking just as shocked as you are to see him. His hair messily frames his cheeks which donned a light blush from the alcohol he’s been drinking and his jacket haphazardly droops off one shoulder. His mouth parts open at the sight of you, eyes lit up despite his disheveled appearance. You suck in a breath of surprise at the sight of him, before releasing a sigh of relief.
“Y/N…” He mumbles, not moving from his spot. “I’m sorry, I—just really needed to see you.”
Hyunjin slightly retracts from his position, hanging his head, a bit embarrassed for showing up unannounced.
“I should g—“
Before he finishes his sentence, you lunge into him, wrapping your arms around his torso. Your head is burrowed in his chest and you shut your eyes and hug him tighter.
He’s momentarily caught off guard by your embrace, stumbling backwards before enveloping you in his arms. You can hear his heartbeat as you both steady your breaths.
“Why didn’t you text me back, stupid?” You mutter into his chest.
“My phone died.” He sheepishly answers. “Did I worry you?”
You look up at him with an angry pout, but your eyes glitter with affection. Hyunjin melts at the sight, his heart swelling with adoration.
“I thought you were in trouble.” You grumble. “I was going to go find you.”
“I’m sorry.” He places a hand on your face, softly caressing your cheek with his thumb. “But you found me.”
“What are you doing here, Hyunjin?”
He pauses, studying your features closely before inhaling deeply. You feel his breath on your skin, soothing you from all the worry you had before.
“I needed to see you Y/N, I don’t know what else to say.”
“Why did you need to see me now, though? I told you I’d come over tomorrow.”
“Because…” Hyunjin purses his lips, trying to formulate an articulate answer before giving up with a sigh.
“Every moment I’m apart from you feels like a million years.” He shakes his head in anguish before resuming his gaze on your face. “It hurts when you’re not with me. My chest feels tight and empty at the same time. And I don’t know how to make it better except by being with you.”
You absorb his words, the weight in your own chest feeling lighter and lighter with each thing he says.
“You make me feel warm and secure and happy. And now that I know how it feels, I never want it to stop. I want to be with you always.”
Hyunjin’s words fall out like a bird learning how to fly. He stumbles in his speech, stuttering over syllables and huffing in frustration when he can’t find the right words. It’s disorganized and messy, but it’s raw. He’s speaking from his heart and you can feel it. You understand exactly what he’s saying because you feel the same way. Everything is going to be okay for you two. All you need to do is express how you feel about him. To finally reveal your true emotions and everything you’ve been dying to tell him.
He watches you intently after voicing his thoughts. Did he say too much? Hyunjin is afraid he might have overwhelmed you. But he’s glad he said it because the tightness in his chest has finally subsided. Eagerly, he awaits your response.
You take both your hands to cradle his face, and he melts into your touch, closing his eyes in contentment. This is all he needs, forever. Just to be in your arms and have you in his.
“Hyunjin, I—“
“Who’s at the door, Y/N?”
A foreign voice shatters his tranquility. And a pit reforms in his stomach. Hyunjin opens his eyes again.
“Who was that?” He tilts his head to peek through the doorway past your shoulder.
“Hyunjin, it’s no one. I was just talking out my feelings with a friend. My feelings for you.”
But he doesn’t hear what you say. At this moment, Hyunjin has a terrible feeling about who is in your apartment, and he needs to confirm his dreadful suspicions.
He loosens his grip around your waist and cranes his head further. When he meets eyes with the boy standing inside, he realizes that his fears were correct.
The tightness he feels has now multiplied to an unprecedented level. His heart drops to his stomach. He’s rendered speechless. The sharp pain in his chest freezes him in his spot.
You’ve been frantically voicing words to explain the situation but Hyunjin’s ears have gone numb. He can’t hear a thing.
He finally looks back to you, but his soft expression has changed. His eyes are wide, lips pressed tight. He’s breathing hard.
“You’re seriously with him right now?” Hyunjin’s voice quivers with hurt.
“We’re friends Hyunjin, I swear. He was actually helping me sort out my feelings for y—“
“I need to go.”
Hyunjin releases his grasp on you and swiftly leaves your doorstep. Tears prickle his eyes as he walks away.
You rush to follow after him, calling for him to stop, but he doesn’t listen. When you finally catch up, you reach for his hand, but as soon as he feels your touch, he retracts from you.
“Hyunjin, please don’t leave.” Tears start to form in your eyes as well.
He hears the trembling in your voice, and it breaks his heart even further. Hyunjin doesn’t want to leave, but the current situation was far too much for him. To see you with the guy who caused him to even be in this predicament, it was a dagger in his heart. Hyunjin’s hurt, to the core. And the longer he stays here, the deeper his mind will travel, pondering the scenes that took place before he got here, wondering if anything happened between you and Taeyong in your apartment, and formulating the worst scenarios imaginable.
“Hyunjin, please.” You beg once more.
He winces at the sound of your voice, but doesn’t turn around.
“I need some space.” Is all he says before picking up his speed again and leaving for good.
You’re utterly distressed to be left alone in the hallway of your apartment building. Should you chase after him? Should you force him to stay and listen? You contemplate what to do to fix this situation, but all you can do is watch in silence as he leaves.
a/n: sad hyune sad yn :( i promised drama and here it is 🤧 this scene is quite heartbreaking, but it’s also one of the first scenes I imagined which led to the creation of this whole series, so I hope you guys enjoyed reading it! please let me know what ya think~ we’re getting closer to the end and it makes me sad :( but I always love reading your comments 🫶 thanks to all who send me feedback!
blakekathryn
jbbartram-illu
andulkaphoto
origamiaround
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snowghoul
