Bones

yr local sentient skeleton creature . it/he/xe/bug . lizard_bones on ao3

[i-am-just-a-skeleton]

I Feel Like I'm Going Insane anyway time to go play accordion

[forgo-me-not]

i had him under my fucking palm and he FLEW AWAY!!!!!!

[forgo-me-not]

i just killed the man who drew my blood

[i-am-just-a-skeleton]

just really confused myself 'cause i forgot that a week is six days instead of seven. no i haven't been sleeping well it's fucking hot all the time_how are you all doing

[phoenixiii]

one time I used the ben affleck smoking reaction image in the family group chat and my mom replied with the funniest possible response which was: "mommy doesn't know who the guy is???" and that phrase has not left my brain since. I'll see blorbos on my dash that I don't recognize and I'll be like well it seems mommy doesn't know who the guy is.

[pseudophan]

nora i wanted to thank you for giving me a ride to the hard launch show last night after i was stranded on the side of the road i’m not sure why we had to stop at that weird mall on the way but it was cool that we kept running into other phannies there ….. too bad i woke up before we actually made it to the theater

no problem! i hope you didn't mind that i don't have a license and haven't driven a car before in my life

this would be such a fun shitty low budget movie though... i know there are about ten million road trip movies out there but specifically Phannies Going To A Dan And Phil Tour has untapped potential i think

[queenbradbury]

omg so yesterday i put a salt line on the pathway to our front door because i was fucking around and my brother was pretending to be a demon

and today we ordered pizza and the salt line was still there

and my brother went outside to sign for the pizza

and the pizzaman refused to step over the salt line, like he almost did and then he backed up and handed my bro the pizza and left; which is pretty ridiculous because it’s far from our door

so a heads up to everyone i’m pretty sure domino’s is actually run by demons??? kind of like how in men in black the post office is run by aliens

[pep95]

demono

[dpdjohneggleg-deactivated201608]

((”Not just pizza”))

[cutest-angle-in-heaven]

((”but eternal damnation”))

[thestarsaredown]

Alternate theory: It wasn’t that the pizza guy couldn’t cross the line of salt himself.

He just saw the line of salt and assumed that it was the only thing keeping you and your brother in, and he didn’t want nothing to do with your demon asses

[thatdisasterauthor]

Alternate alternate theory: pizza man is a slug.

[bioluminescent-fungus]

affirmations when opening a stuck jar:

I am stronger than the jar

⁠⁠I know what left and right are

⁠⁠smashing the jar will make a mess

⁠⁠I have strong and dextrous hands

⁠⁠I have opened jars before and I will open jars again

[fishyfishyfishtimes]

I made a video about the northern pike :]c

[i-am-just-a-skeleton]

it is so nice to be in a room that's cool enough that you're not constantly covered in a disgusting sticky sheen of sweat. has anyone in the word ever experienced this

[anonyymoose]

went to the beach ten minutes after an actual thunderstorm and got so cold i started coming up with a “fish” cover of creep by Radiohead which I was singing out loud over and over again. imagine me waist deep in the waves no feeling in my legs getting over a cold voice singing “i wish i was urchin. you’re so fucking urchin”

[catchymemes]

[universejunction]

executive dysfunction

[crabussy]

working on some specbio stuff and I think I accidentally specbio-ed finfin. it's okay I like him

[crabussy]

hi finfin’s cousin

[crabussy]

hi finfin’s cousin’s friends

[crabussy]

they can be Colours

[oddandalarmingsexualfeelings]

they should invent a headache that goes away the second you drink any water at all

[hellsitegenetics]

im a big fan of how entering "homo" into BLAST's organism-specific search field will show you every way a scientist has ever typo'd homo sapiens

[littjara-mirrorlake]

in the searched field. straight up "homoing it". and by "it", haha, well. let's justr say. My sapients

[lastvalyrian]

sorry liberals, there are only three sexualities: homo, pan, and gorilla

[luetta]

hey bro last night was really fun, i felt my inner flower bloom in your presence. sadly the only butterfly species with a long enough proboscis went extinct long ago. but i saw you ate that fruit cup without cutlery so maybe not all hope is lost

[redstonedust]

when you think about it a rollercoaster is probably safer than a car. i mean you crash any vehicle going over 60mph and youre likely to be gravely injured so id rather be in one thats stuck in a tested loop and not driven by my road-rage prone mother. this is why im about to make a bold new proposition for public transport,

[i-am-just-a-skeleton]

pro tip: if you're anxious about something, you can time skip by increasing that stat until it is so high you dissociate and lose an entire hour*

*note: if performed wrong this technique may result in time slowing down instead. proceed with caution