Your posts need more fantasy.

If I see a post I like I'm going to assign OP a Dungeons and Dragons class. Thats the gimmick.

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

PINNED POST

Hi! This gimmick blog exists because I love dungeons and dragons and I love good tumblr posts. That's the premise.

A few things to note!

If you want me to remove something I reblogged from you I will!

If you want me to assign you a class I will!

All ages blog, everyone is free to interact.

QUEER RIGHTS! 🏳️‍🌈

TRANS RIGHTS! 🏳️‍⚧️

BLACK LIVES MATTER! ✊🏿✊🏾✊🏽

FREE PALESTINE 🇵🇸

FUCK ICE

ACAB

[winrytheweirdo]

EVERYONE GET WEIRDER NOW

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Bard

[rosieofcorona]

*holding my knife to your throat* so what are we

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Rogue

[kaity--did]

The problem with having a child with an attorney that has spoken to the child like an adult since birth is that she's 4 years old and she's negotiating the order in which we're going to complete tasks as a family to best suit her idea of an ideal day.

[kaity--did]

Penny: We go home, we play the mirror game, we have dessert, we play more games, we have fun deal?

Me: Okay well actually we're going to go home, have dinner, then dessert, then we can play your video game, then tubby then bed

Penny: Okay no tubby, games first, deal?

Me: This is not - what is happening right now?

Penny: Dada?

Dada: Arbitration?

Penny: DEALS!

[kaity--did]

Every single thing in our lives has become a negotiation and it is frankly ridiculous as it is hilarious.

Penny: I want to use bare foot when we go outside

Me: I didn't know we were going outside but you have to wear shoes girl

Penny: okay but what about I use bare foot's but at Penny's house? This deal?

Me: you know what yeah fine if you agree to not fight about shoes when we leave the house you can be barefoot in the back yard, deal.

Penny: -sticks her hand out expectantly- we deal?

I think I just made a verbal contract with a 4 year old.

[kaity--did]

She's attempting to establish evidence I think

Penny: but I want to go shool pwease

Dada: okay well it is 8pm, so you have to go to sleep now

Penny: okay but I see my fwiends at shool now please, deal?

Dada: Darling no one is at school, all your friends are asleep as well.

Penny: all Penny's fwiends are sweep? What about we... get in Dadas car and check to see watch them sweep, yes deal?

Dada: I cannot begin to explain to you why that can not happen

[kaity--did]

The great thing about being beholden to Penny the Deals Warlock is that she is also beholden to the art of the deal

Me: (watching Penny scoot her step stool over to where we keep the candy jar): hey honey we're literally walking out the door to go get dinner, maybe we wait on the candy okay?

Penny: Oh but I will have some candy?

Me: Why don't you come have some mac and cheese and then when we get home you can have some candy, deal?

Penny: (running out the door) oh, yes this is deals!

[kaity--did]

We are visiting my family and Papa has quickly had to pay patronage to Penny the Deals Warlock

Papa: (yesterday morning, when Penny was a little grumpy) What about you come downstairs and we'll have some waffles and then tomorrow Papa will take you to the Diner in town for breakfast?

Penny: (extending her tiny hand to a VERY confused man) this is deal?

Papa: (not knowing hes entering a literal contract) uhm yeah deal.

-smash cut to 6:30 AM this morning-

Penny (running down the hallway in bare feet) 👹BREAKFAST DEALS👹

[kaity--did]

Penny has a canker sore to end all canker sores, to the point where she hasn't been able to eat so we had to make some deals surrounding getting some medicine on it because a hungry Penny Rose is like a angry demon queen

Me: Okay baby this is going to suck. This is going to hurt real bad for a second and then it's going to feel weird and then it's going to feel good. You're going to hate it. But if you let Mama get these three medicines in and on you [Listerine, Antacid, Tylenol] you can scream it out and then we'll go get some ice cream! Deal?

Penny: (obviously not thrilled with this idea) okay, three big shreams, three medicines, ice cream ... it will suck... ice cream ... deal. (Sticks out hand and we shake on it)

Me: okay let's do this I'm so sorry (starts the process)

Penny: ( In between her big screams ) IM GONNA GET LOTS OF FRINKLES

[kaity--did]

My husband is trying to make a deal with Penny to get upstairs and get in the bath tub

Penny: I will go upstairs and get my body clean but you hafta titch me, deal?

Dada: I would love to make this deal with you kid but I literally have no idea what you are saying- I don't know what the terms are, you're speaking a language I don't speak

Penny: you have to titch me like mama does okay DEAL!? (Sticks tiny hand out aggressively)

Dada: (looks at me bewildered for help)

Me: ( starts making a quick tick tick tick sound imitating a stop watch like I'm timing her, while penny jumps around yelling YES TITCH ME LIKE THAT)

Dada: In what world was I ever going to figure that out, thank you for acting as our legal interpreter yes deal let's go!

and off she sprints.

[kaity--did]

Penny does not want to go to bed, but man is it time for her to go to bed

Penny: But I don't want to be sleeping, I want to stay up now! I want to see Grampy and Cozy and Guppie and Papa!

Mama: What if we video call all the grands and say good night to everyone? If we do that will you then go to bed no fussing?

Penny: Oh yes, this is deals! -sticks her hand out to shake-

** we make the rounds and video call all her grandparents, they are all already in bed and say good night and penny hangs up the last video call and toddles into bed with minimal fussing **

Penny : (after a few minutes of silence, over the video monitor, to herself in her dark bedroom) I hafta respect da deals.

[kaity--did]

Every morning Penny wakes up, and she asks if we have decorated her house with "Halloween every where" and every morning I have had to tell her not yet baby but soon. This last morning Penny had to go to pre k a little earlier then she is used to cause Daddy had court and I had a dentist appointment, which made her a little bummed out... or so I thought

Me: Hey baby do you want to make a deal about school?

Penny: (immediately sticks out her hand, literally no hesitation, her entire demeanor changing in an instant) yes let's deals, I will be big and brave and go to school no fussing, and you will put Halloween every where all over my house, okay this is deals Mama??

I think I just got hustled by a 4 year old...

[kaity--did]

A tangentially related update :

Penny: (is doing some strange interpretive dance to let us know she's not a fan of the cup we've chosen to put her juice in, mind you this is the only clean cup at this moment. She is hopping up and down, and swinging her arm like an elephant trunk, she is pirouetting, her hands are on her hips. Shes is completely silent)

Husband: (exasperated) okay but DID you make a deal with SOMETHING while you were pregnant ? It's the only explanation I can come up with.

[kaity--did]

sometimes people will ask me if penny is still making deals and here is an update for you to let you know:

Husband: okay, you can not leave your room until someone comes and gets you okay? You're getting up way too early and we're guests in Papa and Guppies house so you stay and play in your room and someone will come get you when you can come out of your room tomorrow morning, deal?

Penny: (hand extended, plotting) deal

-smash cut to the next morning, penny is NOT in her room at the allotted 7:30 AM retrieve Penny Rose Time, we find her in bed cuddled up with my mom and dad watching a movie-

Penny: (hands out in a "calm down" gesture) LISTEN LISTEN I DIDNT LEAVE! I DIDNT- I didn't break da deals! I just knocked on the door until Papa came and got me.

Papa: (laughing hysterically) WELL DONT SNITCH!

Penny: I DIDNT DO NOTHING I KEPT MY DEALS! YOU JUS SAID SOMEONE HAD TO COME GET ME! PAPA COME GET ME!

(so we have to be insanely detailed in our deals because she did knock on her bed room door and yell PAPA! PAPA! PAPA! At 4:30 in the morning until my dad came and got her and you know what that's on us 🤣)

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: (the cutest) Warlock

[christor5]

gotta hand it to you, those are some pretty good reasons for destroying and betraying yourself

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Fighter

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Taken into account!

Update: Oathbreaker Paladin

[christor5]

gotta hand it to you, those are some pretty good reasons for destroying and betraying yourself

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Fighter

[daftpatience]

trying to be an active mutual feels like this some of times

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Dungeon Master

[hellenhighwater]

Guess who just figured out how to climb inside the woodstove???

[hellenhighwater]

Baby Jane broke into Calcifer's house

[hellenhighwater]

This is the belly and beans pre-woodstove, for comparison.

[hellenhighwater]

Lady Jane Grey is the maddest she's ever been.

[hellenhighwater]

She got blowdried and she didn't like it.

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Ranger (and animal companion)

[probablyvampirerpgideas]

All text posts will be written in blood from now on

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Wizard

[john-boneman-lich-lord]

Gonna build Rome. Should only take like, a day at most.

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Artificer

[littjara-mirrorlake]

new years resolution draw more yuri (between sheoldred and rona)

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Bard

[junk-thunder]

adding a blank emoji to my discord server might be the best thing to ever happen to text communication. asynchronous digital equivalent of hanging out in a room with your friends in silence. let's all nothing together

[unyieldingsilence]

‎ ‎

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class:

[sleepyjim2]

ⓘ Tip: while sewing, you can unlock scary sewing by losing your needle somewhere on your bed.

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Monk

[cyber-newtype]

haha you gotta haha

[cyber-newtype]

dont start posting horsegirl ocs just yuet

[cyber-newtype]

haha

[cyber-newtype]

hold your

[cyber-newtype]

the calender hasnt haha

[cyber-newtype]

theres still 2 months to go so you gotta hahaha

[cyber-newtype]

haha you know

[cyber-newtype]

hold your hahhah

[cyber-newtype]

you cant start drawing them just yet casuee you gotta hahah

[cyber-newtype]

you see cause itll be the year of the horse so

[cyber-newtype]

haha

[cyber-newtype]

but not yet.

[cyber-newtype]

which is why you gotta hold your

[cyber-newtype]

your

[cyber-newtype]

your you know haha

[cyber-newtype]

hold your horses

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Druid

[citttadel]

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Ranger

[artemisinfurs-deactivated1986426]

gonna show people my authentic self soon. just as soon as I get it perfect. soon. any day now I'll be good enough to open up to others

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Paladin

[eroscestlavie]

trying to be a writer is so scary. like what if I’m actually a Wronger

[i-assign-dnd-classes]

Class: Dungeon Master