Okay so it's been a few months since I kidnapped the princess and uh. No one has come to try to rescue her yet. Like at all. I sent a spy to the kingdom and they just don't care. Like they know she's gone and they're not bothering. She's been crying for a few days straight now. Idk what I'm supposed to do here.
An update on the princess. She kinda broke and was very... hollow for a bit there. It took some time to get her interested in learning magic but she eventually came around to it. I'm trying to goad her into reaping bloody vengeance on the family that abandoned her but she's just been really focused on her studies. Maybe once she's more capable, she is still a beginner after all.
Is this about the group of plucky teens that grew up together and formed 'unbreakable bonds of friendship' or whatever? If you're a cop you have to tell me.
be careful, this necromancer is skilled with illusion magic so even though all the skeletal minions are wearing cute outfits they're actually minmaxed as fuck
Job description below the cut. No experience necessary.
Primary duties:
Wait in the ooze for an adventurer to get close, then grab 'em, pull 'em in, and keep them grappled until they're dead either by drowning or dissolved in acid.
Remove debris from the ooze as it picks up random junk.
Deliver adventurer loot to Sorting and Distribution department.
Keep our other fleshy, dissolvable minions out of the ooze.
Secondary Duties:
If the ooze is defeated, finish off the adventurers.
Spot clean the dungeon of any non-decorative corpses and debris.
Light or extinguish any torches / sconces depending on the dungeon section.
Compensation:
Base pay 2 Silver coins per day.
Hazard pay of 0.5 silver coins per adventurer you encounter, up to a max of 8 coins.
Bonus of 30% total networth from adventurers defeated is distributed amongst minions monthly.
2 weeks PTO granted after first 6 months.
Holiday pay for Christmas, Lunar New Year, Summer, and Halloween events.
Free resurrections for slain minions with a free paid day of recovery after.
Final note: if you are hired but not already a skeleton, you will be reimbursed for the skeletonization process after 3 months.
Unions are also much more intimidating and therefore effective when most of their members are specifically tasked with killing well armed and armored and highly skilled combatants.
Job description below the cut. No experience necessary.
Primary duties:
Wait in the ooze for an adventurer to get close, then grab 'em, pull 'em in, and keep them grappled until they're dead either by drowning or dissolved in acid.
Remove debris from the ooze as it picks up random junk.
Deliver adventurer loot to Sorting and Distribution department.
Keep our other fleshy, dissolvable minions out of the ooze.
Secondary Duties:
If the ooze is defeated, finish off the adventurers.
Spot clean the dungeon of any non-decorative corpses and debris.
Light or extinguish any torches / sconces depending on the dungeon section.
Compensation:
Base pay 2 Silver coins per day.
Hazard pay of 0.5 silver coins per adventurer you encounter, up to a max of 8 coins.
Bonus of 30% total networth from adventurers defeated is distributed amongst minions monthly.
2 weeks PTO granted after first 6 months.
Holiday pay for Christmas, Lunar New Year, Summer, and Halloween events.
Free resurrections for slain minions with a free paid day of recovery after.
Final note: if you are hired but not already a skeleton, you will be reimbursed for the skeletonization process after 3 months.
Job description below the cut. No experience necessary.
Primary duties:
Wait in the ooze for an adventurer to get close, then grab 'em, pull 'em in, and keep them grappled until they're dead either by drowning or dissolved in acid.
Remove debris from the ooze as it picks up random junk.
Deliver adventurer loot to Sorting and Distribution department.
Keep our other fleshy, dissolvable minions out of the ooze.
Secondary Duties:
If the ooze is defeated, finish off the adventurers.
Spot clean the dungeon of any non-decorative corpses and debris.
Light or extinguish any torches / sconces depending on the dungeon section.
Compensation:
Base pay 2 Silver coins per day.
Hazard pay of 0.5 silver coins per adventurer you encounter, up to a max of 8 coins.
Bonus of 30% total networth from adventurers defeated is distributed amongst minions monthly.
2 weeks PTO granted after first 6 months.
Holiday pay for Christmas, Lunar New Year, Summer, and Halloween events.
Free resurrections for slain minions with a free paid day of recovery after.
Final note: if you are hired but not already a skeleton, you will be reimbursed for the skeletonization process after 3 months.
Never dating someone from the Demon Isles again, man. Every time you ask them anything it becomes a whole thing like
"Hey hun can you walk the familiars this afternoon? I got a meeting with the wizard council and those always go late" and then BAM, she instantly drafts up an infernal contract detailing how to walk a couple familiars like, duration, pace, scooping their spectral poops, etc. Like it ain't that deep, dude, you've walked them before with and without me.
And then payment for it that's always like, X number of romantic moments, and then there's a whole essay on what defines a romantic moment that you gotta read because the definition changes every other week and now "A Moonlit Stroll through the Witchwood isn't romantic enough", even though we're holding hands and sneaking kissies when we think no one is watching.
AND. And when I do something nice without being asked BAM ANOTHER INFERNAL CONTRACT this time detailing the "repayment, reimbursement, and/or return of the the kindness bestowed". Just say thank you! JEEZ
I feel like witches are sedentary and wizards are migratory. A witch has a home, a cauldron, herbs, you go to them with your problem. A wizard wanders, disappears, shows up at inconvenient times to fix nothing. am i making sense
some good theories in the notes but I choose to believe those are made by a village or perhaps king as an artificial home, to attract and keep a wizard. like a beehive
While artificially built towers do attract wild wizards a wizard will naturally build their own tower as they enter the later stage of their life cycle. For the first couple hundred years of their lives wizards are extremely mobile and may travel almost anywhere in the world or even beyond. A tower usually begins as a workshop which the wizard returns to during their migration in order to store trinkets and artifacts which they collect during their travels. As the collection outgrows the available space in the workshop a combination of the concentration of volatile magical energy and the wizards natural desire to build secret passageways causes them to begin expanding the workshop. This usually starts with basic "bigger on the inside" magic but due to constraints around energy usage for sustained large scale spacetime warping they will eventually turn to more traditional methods of building. There are some documented cases of wizards whose workshops expanded outward instead of upwards, resulting in labyrinth structures rather than the more traditional tower. It is still unclear what environmental pressure causes these divergent structures. As the wizard ages and their exploratory phase winds down their travels will focus on a progressively more narrow subset of arcane knowledge until they find one secret of the universe complex enough to prompt their transition into the final stage of the wizard lifestyle. By this point they will almost certainly have a fully fledged tower or have settled into one they've found already existing. Their desire to travel is generally severely reduced by this point and outside of quests to discover certain highly specific items related to their studies it's possible that they might not leave their tower for months or years at a time. In some cases they may begin this phase several times if the secret they started pursuing is less challenging or less fundamental to the operations of the universe than expected. When they do find their final subject of study and find the answers they sought, they will finally reach the end of the wizard life cycle, either via death caused by hubris, merging with a larger consciousness, ascendence to a different plane or to godhood, or metamorphosis into a litch. Other wizards may sometimes occupy the abandoned towers of a former wizard but most will move on in order to build their own before entering into these later stages. Very rarely a particularly social variety of wizard may build several connected towers and share resources, these are called schools and over time they will tend to attract a large number of younger and weaker wizards seeking shelter.
Absolutely brilliant analysis of wizards and their migratory patterns through the ages. I can personally verify that this is accurate, and you may now consider this properly peer reviewed and accepted.
