Make Magic Happen @i-might-be-a-creature - Tumblr Blog

So I have my dog trained to sit when she wants pet (she used to be very wild and jumpy when we first got her, it’s been a long road) so now when she wants attention she just sits very still and stares VERY intently at you (she’s extremely non verbal and hardly makes sound in general)

So, today I let her out and didn’t realize the fence gate was wide open, and she just shoots right out at this older man and a small girl (bc she just LOVES PEOPLE. A lot) The girl kinda shrieks and the man pulls her behind him (which I get it, my dogs small but she’s still part Pitt, and she was running full throttle at them) and all of a sudden my dog just pulls up completely, full stop, and plants her ass on the ground in front of them, staring and wagging her tail.

And they just stand there, staring at each other. She’s like, vibrating with energy, waiting for pets, and these people are like “wtf” so I run up and explain and the old guy was just so thrilled honestly. The little girl starts petting her and the old dude was gushing about how trained and well behaved she is (I mean, ignoring the fact that she shot out of the gate LMAO) but like, that just made me so happy. I’ve put so much time and effort into training her and making her feel safe and comfortable after he (horrifying) past and I’m just so so proud of her.

TLDR; my dog is a good gorl and I luv her

fuck-kirk

This is the good girl in question

robotmango

it’s ninety-nine degrees outside, four fuck-thousand percent humidity, and my husband was like, “i’m gonna go for a bike ride.” and i was like “why. no. why. don’t put us on the news like that. local fool collapses on unnecessary journey. don’t do it.” so he says he doesn’t want to “hide in the house” because the sun is shining. bruh. honeybruh. “the sun is shining” does not cover it. its hot outside. its motherfucking hot as fuck outside. our outdoor plants have been crying into their hands all week. whole cars are melting into the sewer. our fucking patio umbrella developed sentience to ask me for lemonade this morning

awed-frog

@robotmango, you need to work for the weather forecast - this was both hilarious and so vivid it made me stand up and get some iced tea.

robotmango

this is a great idea, thank you. here goes. my audition tape for the weather channel. dearly beloved. we are gathered here today to have a fucking funeral for the outdoors. it had a good run, with all its creeks and clouds and shit. pretty great. now it’s ten-thirty at night but still ninety-two asshole-sweating degrees and humid as fuck. everything is hot and slimy, like being a “borrower” that got trapped inside a bottle of shampoo and then accidentally microwaved. you can see on my doppler radar that nothing is moving around out there because everything is probably dead. the only alive thing is the mosquito currently trying to drill a hole in my leg. no surprise that all the shitbag mosquitos are fine, since the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature. this forecast has gotten away from me a little, but in conclusion fuck the sun

scarylullabies

I think I’ve reblogged this before, but “the thermostat of hell is always at the devil’s preferred temperature” is fucking poetry

piranesiandtheother-deactivated

ninety nine???? thats IT????????? buddy here in the 7th circle of h*ck, California, we get up to at LEAST 110 degrees every single gosh darned summer. the bugs seek revenge. the sun wreaks havoc on the mere mortals it surveys. every plant has turned brown in its thirst for water. the very air itself has been sucked dry of every drip of moisture it ever had.

ninety nine degrees. you weak fool.

robotmango

well since you asked so politely, let’s talk about something very important vis a vis weather-hotness that you clearly ain’t ever heard of, called

humidity

oh alas, you say. oh papa, whatever shall i do, it is ever so hotte and drye in california. the very air hath been sucked of all its moisturey droplets and whatnot.* one hundredy and tennith desiccated degrees!

*(yo, drought is serious. i am pretty obviously not making fun of that.)

alright. let’s check it out. here’s a random california city, right about now:

thirty-two percent. and here’s a random mid-atlantic city located somewhere in the wet fleshy crease behind a demon’s knee*:

*(confession: i do not live in dc, but several years ago i spent three weeks steaming like a tinned ham in arlington in august. none of the pants i took with me could ever keep a crease again.)

huh! funny thing! “see, dc’s actually seven degrees COOLER,” you say, because you’ve obviously never gone outside and taken a deep lungful of wet sock trash air in your life. and now for added bliss, here’s what early wednesday morning’s gonna be like for these poor clowns:

that’s right! eighty-two percent humidity! the point at which showers no longer matter, because you’re all caught in God’s grease trap! just stressed human eels miserably slip slidin’ their way through a damp melty bathwater-flavored hellscape that feels like it’s actively sous viding their top layer of skin! a hundred thousand people packed into public transit breathing air that feels like deepthroating swamp thing! and you wanna talk to me about fuckin california!

[cue science voice]: human bodies cool through evaporation, a process by which the body sweats and sweet invisible angels towel us off, whisking away our unwanted moisture into the air and literally chilling us out. (it’s also why air conditioned air feels so fucking deliciously refreshing: it’s not just being cooled, it’s being conditioned, aka, dehumidified. it’s cool dry air.) but. if the air is already made out of fucking chowder and can’t absorb shit then guess what the fuck our bodies can’t do.

so is this weak fool gonna remain indoors and hydrated through this only medium-hot but fuckoff-humid season? you bet your dried out ass.

astrodidact

https://www.democracynow.org/2018/12/13/you_are_stealing_our_future_greta

Fifteen-year-old Swedish climate activist Greta Thunberg addressed the U.N. plenary last night in Katowice, Poland, condemning global inacti

elodieunderglass

If you are in school, Greta is calling upon other schoolchildren to join her in school strikes for the climate.

liberalsarecool

Deregulation will get you killed. Republican policies make your life worse.

hedhehog

platinumblondeproblem

This should be considered criminal and someone needs to account for this because this is RIDICULOUS

ororomunroedontpullout

When people report on the e. Coli outbreak they need to include this. This stuff isn’t happening out of no where

gahdamnpunk

Her tuition so damn high she can wear whatever tf she wants

smallswingshoes

Spite goals

lyinginbedmon

Her name is Letitia Chai, she is Korean, and her presentation was “Acting in Public: Performance in Everyday Life”.

Her demonstration drew two dozen supporters. She was wearing a modest shirt and some cut-off shorts (which we can’t see in the images here because they’re mostly hidden by her laptop, exacerbating the need for retort against her professor’s disagreement with them). When her professor also asked what Chai’s mother would think of her attire, she informed him that she’s a gender and sexuality professor.

verminviscount

Letitia Chai: Chaotic good

quomododragon

So one of our new vocabulary words is “malus”, meaning “bad”, and I asked my students if they could think of any English derivatives, telling them that just about any English word that begins with M-A-L is going to mean something “bad”.

I’m expecting stuff like: malice, malcontent, malnourished, or even malware or Maleficent.

Instead I get this one girl in the back of the room say “male” with the most dead-eyed expression.

quomododragon

This has the same energy as two years ago when another student said she remembered “vir” meant “man” because “it looks like virus, and men are a virus”.

mygenitiveisobjective

One of my Latin students, whenever I’d ask if they wanted a couple extra minutes to review before a test, would always say, “No, we die like men.” And so finally I asked her why it was always ‘like men’. She said, “We die like men, unprepared and useless.”

lupesalvarez

VOTE!

aleciamasa

In class today, Trump was somehow brought up and someone said that Trump was a neo-nazi and my professor was like, “Trump hasn’t ever said he was a neo-nazi” and another kid said, “I was still gay before I started calling myself gay!” and realized what he said and he looked just mortified but it was the greatest response to anything I’ve ever heard

rosewillow82

When trump makes you so angry that you ram down the closet door to call out some bs

aroshi-wish

Gays coming out of their closet to shame the mankind

clockways

Seriously fuck this country right now.

Everyone of you in the US needs to check you’re still registered this weekend and register if you aren’t. And you need to go out and vote. And before any of you even get the thought of ‘it doesn’t even matter’ in your head FUCK THAT.

FUCKING TEXAS has a chance of going blue this election. Let’s make that happen. Get out there and vote and make sure this weekend you can.

squidbroom

remember: texas does NOT let you register to vote online. go to your local town center and register in person. check out this link to see the rules for how to vote in every state in 2018.

sharonsgf

theres this chinese girl in my class who isnt very fluent in english and she asked me if i have a boyfriend and i was like “i dont. i dont like. boys” and she nodded very wisely and went “ah. cooties”

theforce

i was 14 and i was walking through a mall by myself at 12am after my shift at coldstone creamery lol and a bunch of men started whistling and meowing and getting really close to me and they kept asking me questions and i kept not answering until i didn’t know what else to do so i said “i’m only 14” and almost in unison they said “we don’t care” i was so fucking scared i didn’t know what to do and they kept talking about how i looked and how my body looked and what they would do i was on the verge of tears i was all alone in a huge mall i knew i couldn’t outrun them all i felt totally hopeless until a maintenance worker came up to all of us with a huge industrial broom in her hand, i thought she was going to yell at all of us for being in the mall after hours bc she probably thought we were all friends but instead she cursed all of them out in spanish, threatened to press a panic button on her belt and then proceeded to walk me to the basement garage and waited with me until my mom got there to pick me up she had a death grip on her cart the whole time and a face of steel she looked so strong and i just kept saying thank you and she kept saying not to thank her because she had to stop them.

that was the moment i realized women were the most important beings on this planet and we have to protect each other bc nobody else is going to, she didn’t even know me, we couldn’t even communicate that well because of the language barrier, she could have lost her job for waiting with me in the parking lot but she looked out for me when she didn’t have to, she had nothing to gain from it, i’m 21 now and i tell everyone this story even though it happened 7 years ago, what she did that night helped me form and shape lot of my beliefs early on.

actuallunalovegood

i was at a grocery store really late one night and some old guy kind of eyed me as i walked out of the store next to this other lady. She and I made eye contact and i knew she was scared too. we loaded up our groceries into our cars as fast as possible and I had way more bags than her so she got done faster than me. I panicked because i was sure she was going to leave so i just hurried faster, shaking a little, and then i noticed she sat in her car, watching me and making sure nobody came near. She waited not until all my groceries were loaded, or until my cart was put away, or until I got into my car. No, she didn’t drive away until I drove away.

And that was the moment that I realized how much women need other women. That we can’t win this war without each other and we have to be looking out for each other, every second.

ofgeography

my last year in new york city, i got off the subway around 9 or 10p.m. i only lived about 5 blocks from the f train, but i hadn’t gotten more than two before a woman’s hand suddenly touched my arm.

“that guy behind us is following you,” she said. “he was watching you leave the train car and followed you up.”

i hadn’t noticed him, or at least not noticed him following me. when we stopped outside a grocery store, he stopped half a block back and loitered. the woman linked her arm with mine and walked me several blocks out of her way to my front door and made sure i got inside safely.

another time, nocigar and i were walking home and at a stoplight a stranger grabbed my arm when i wouldn’t respond to him and tried to physically drag me over to him. she—who is, by the way, not a very physically imposing girl—ripped his hand off my arm and snarled, “don’t fucking touch her.”

protect your friends. protect strangers. there are good men in the world, but don’t wait for them to do something if you can do it yourself.

edmundo-noches-buckley

I was at a club once and my friend left with her boyfriend so I finished my drink and was heading out to the parking lot when three girls came up to me and basically surrounded me.

“Those guys behind us were talking about following you. We can walk with you.”

I have MMA training but have never in my life had been offered the protection and sanction of my own gender. This is so important.

stele3

GIRL CODE. FUCKIN’ GIRL CODE. LEAVE NO GIRL BEHIND. EVER.

maliciousindungeon

Boris Groh is one of my favorite artists, mostly because of his works that feature LARGE skeletons just doing their thing

maliciousindungeon

This is by far my most successful post on tumblr and I am really fucking glad because my main man Boris deserves to be recognized for his work. Even if its mostly getting passed around in the form of memes about cheese.