I’m Surviving.

Rape victim (or survivor depending on the day). Law school drop out (realized it wasn’t for me). Currently learning that I’m Not recovering in a fast or linear way (and maybe that’s ok?). Honestly I’m trying to be healthier and more in tune to my own needs. Oh. Also currently nursing a 💔

[i-need-this-escape]

Thanks for sticking around for so long.

This blog is now just a reminder of a shitty past.

Goodbye 👋🏻

[i-need-this-escape]

Your jokes about cutting? Those aren’t funny to the girl who has spent countless nights crying in her room as she takes a blade to her skin. Your jokes about eating disorders? Not funny to the girl who spent the last year throwing up everything she ate. Your jokes about rape? Weren’t funny when I was being beaten and raped. Your jokes about suicide? Those weren’t so funny when your only daughter was lying in a hospital bed after trying to kill herself, were they? Mental illness, eating disorders, self harm. None of these should be joked about.

[i-need-this-escape]

“Is my memory loss trauma related or has it always been this bad”

— I don’t know. And that scares me (via i-need-this-escape)

[i-need-this-escape]

“Please stop asking me if I’m ok.”

— I’m tired of lying (via i-need-this-escape)

[i-need-this-escape]

“Everything is fine. Then I close my eyes and hear his voice, see his face. I am being crushed under the weight of him. “Everything is fine” I tell myself. But nothing is at all.”

— Thoughts from a rape victim (via i-need-this-escape)

[megssswilhelm]

“Everything is fine. Then I close my eyes and hear his voice, see his face. I am being crushed under the weight of him. “Everything is fine” I tell myself. But nothing is at all.”

— Thoughts from a rape victim (via i-need-this-escape)

[i-need-this-escape]

Ignore

[i-need-this-escape]

Update

It’s been so long. And that’s a good thing.

I’m in a new relationship. Living with a man who treats me like his princess. We love each other very much.

My suicidal thoughts and wants are 99.9999% gone. Every once in a while there is one. But I cope.

I stopped seeing my therapist. We ended with hugs and tears. Thinking about how far I’ve come.

The thought of what happened to me doesn’t send me into a tailspin.

I’m ok. I’m alive. I’m happy. I never thought this would happen.

[sweetdreamsmylovelyy]

[bnmxfld]

“Maybe someday we will be two people meeting again for the first time.”

— Unknown (via qvotable)

[prideprejudce]

here’s a hard pill to swallow: abuse does not just exclusively occur in romantic or family relationships. friends can be just as toxic to your physical and mental wellbeing as a partner or a family member. also, the aftermath of being in an abusive friendship can be just as traumatizing as any other abusive relationship. don’t boo me i’m right 

[prideprejudce]

for some reason people don't know this but toxic friends can mirror all the same behaviors as seen in an abusive romantic partner. i will use my own story of my ex-high school best friend who abused me for several years. signs of abuse include but are not limited to:

Humiliating or embarrassing you - my ex-best friend LOVED to try and make me squirm in any way possible to see my reaction. once she went up to a guy and told him i had a crush on him to watch me struggle to explain myself

Unreasonable jealousy - if i so much as went to hang out with any of my other friends i would have to let my ex-best friend know beforehand. i pretty much had to get her permission to see other people or she would be convinced that i was ‘ditching her forever’

Refusing to communicate - if she was ever angry with me or upset she would never tell me that so we could talk about it. instead, she would ignore me or respond to all my texts with ‘k’ or ‘ya’ and i would have to struggle for hours to get her to tell me what was wrong

Ignoring or excluding you - she would ignore me for weeks at a time as a ‘punishment’ knowing that it would eat me up inside wondering what i did wrong. i still remember spending nights wide awake crying in bed because i didn’t know what to do 

Mean jokes or constantly making fun of you - she would constantly poke fun at my appearance and personality to where my self-confidence plummeted. god help me if i ever said anything about her though

Saying things like “If you don’t _____, I will_____.” - she would constantly threaten to kill herself if i didn't do what she wanted

Guilt trips - she never apologized once to me in our seven-plus years of being friends. not once. every time we argued i would be the one who apologized in the end. once when i stood up to her and called her out on treating me like crap she would make up a story of how her life was miserable and that i was making things worse 

Isolating you from friends and family - been mentioned before but she was extremely jealous of all my other relationships and would override my plans with other people on purpose and would guilt trip me if i still went to see them

 Domination and control - also mentioned before but i needed her permission on everything. if i joined any group or extracurricular activity without her knowing she would be furious   

Extreme moodiness - after ignoring me for weeks she would contact me out of the blue and act as if nothing happened. she would also refuse to talk about why she ignored me for so long and did not care if my mental health suffered from it

anyway, abusive friendships need to be acknowledged more than they are because they are not only extremely common but also very damaging to someone’s mental health. i personally had to go through years of therapy to unlearn the guilt and self-hatred that my ex-friend helped instill in me. stay safe yall

[escrevinhar]

[troy-bolton]

REASONS TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE:

why the fuck do you need reasons just be nice to people omfg

[c-isnenegro]

[empty-swimming-pool]

[cut-and-puff]

“People like me don’t get happy endings”

— (via cut-and-puff)

[c-isnenegro]