introduction to i2borderline
⊹ ࣪ ˖ keyura / kiera 2wenty she they prns
hello, hello.
this blog features and is heavily focused on dead dove and paraphilic content for real person fanfiction. i primarily write about fall out boy and panic! at the disco, but i do occasionally talk about other bands such as my chem, the academy is, and gym class heroes. i write for both readers and established pairs; rossreader is my bread and butter as much as wentzross is.
you can find me on ao3 under bornagainsellout.
i love to chat and answer asks. spam my inbox, spam my comments, send me messages, i really don't mind. i am not the best at articulating or expressing myself properly, so i'm really sorry if my responses are a bit awkward. i typically follow back other blogs that make similar content to me, and you can find me using the bikini emoji for those blogs. requests and general anon asks are always open.
i politely ask that minors and ageless blogs do not interact with me or my content.
mikey at his lowest during the tbp era is so yum dot com
ignoring that this was sent to me ages ago, eeeyikes!
mentions of drug abuse, strangulation, self-harm, mentions of violence and violent sex, possibly some other stuff i am missing without realizing! minors do not interact, please.
i feel like this is very messy and short, so i'm sorry uhgain! :(
slowly trying to get back into things! </3
growing up, all mikey ever knew was just being gerard's little brother. he grew up on the edges of his own life. the string of words that always aligned to "take your brother with you!" and "can you bring mikey?" was a marker of teenage embarrassment caused by isolation and a lack of friends.
everything he liked had some attachment to somebody else's identity or interests. he didn't feel like he had even a semblance of a self-built identity, not once in his entire life.
he was too shy to talk to people, and too hesitant to pursue interests that would require others to perceive him, the more major reasons why mikey didn't think he'd last very long when gerard asked him to be bass in his band.
come 2006, and it's clear as day that people are attracted to him. it was weird at first when he first noticed it. he didn't think he was very visible to begin with, quiet in interviews while hiding behind boyish glasses and zipped-to-the-top hoodies.
he had girls (and boys, who had always stirred a messy feeling in him equivalent to interested confusion) ready to throw themselves at him, desperate to have him be the next best thing in their fantasies.
mikey got around; there was no real denial of that, but nobody ever stayed. gerard had lectured him that these weren't people who liked him, but instead just wanted to get with him. he wasn't gonna listen to his dumb older brother, though. he had spent his entire life in gee's shadow. he was twenty-five, now, he didn't need to be looked out for anymore. so what if he wanted to make a shitty decision for himself just this once?
obviously, the high didn't last for very long. it's really pathetic. you can only smile at so many strangers, kissing paths down their stomachs and lapping at their necks before it becomes a muddy blur of faces and rooms. some showed their love through violence, and it eventually became the only thing mikey cared about.
tenderness lost its place in his mental dictionary as he became bored with the gentle kisses and slow thrusts. intimidating and sketchy behavior was the new indication of a good time when he sought it out, hoping to god it would end in busted lips and strangulation marks. those were the gifts of his patience until the next angry body came to take it out on him. he could lick his wounds and press on bruises until they faded before he had to find his next fix in a local bar or post-show crowd.
he even started using too much teeth during blowjobs, expecting to get the shit slapped out of him.
by mid-2007, mikey had also found love in benzodiazepines. rock bottom has a basement. he only gets more desperate for harm, stealing ties from gee's luggage to strangle himself, pulling the ends until the fabric dug into his sweaty, pale skin. when everyone else on the bus was fast asleep, sometimes even doing it in the bathroom while they were wide awake. he loved the fuzziness in his face, the disconnect he got in his legs until he fell forward on his knees and hacked. he had a noticeable "corpse stare" on and off stage.
"get your shit together," he was scolded by everyone who knew of his issues. he was only ever scolded anymore. curled up on couches and only half-listening to each person who knelt next to him, trying to break it to him that he wasn't gonna last like this. gee had even checked his pulse every few times he walked back. it made him feel like he was sixteen all over again.
an uninteresting, talentless boy who was just someone's little brother.
Hi! Can you do an online relationship with Ryan.. but he’s fully dependent on you!! Making special videos before shows.. being mean to everyone when you don’t answer!
kiki replied:
⊹ ࣪ ˖ you get it soooo much anon. i wanna be a little mean to him while we’re at it….
⊹ ࣪ ˖ ryan found you on livejournal posting webcam and sidekick selfies of yourself to a decent following and reception. he was enamored by you, commenting and complimenting way too much for it to be found cute. you rarely ever respond to or acknowledge his comments. too many people are vying for your attention. what made him special? he only got your attention after he got pete’s. it wasn’t necessarily out of fame fucking, but he must be cool if fall out boy likes him, right?
⊹ ࣪ ˖ he is uncomfortably quick to jump on you, telling you how much he likes you and how you give him butterflies. he’s always texting and folding with zero self-respect. you’re everything to him, something like an angel. he gets separation anxiety by the fifteenth message. ryan won’t eat until you respond or text first, going a whole four days before he finally made a shitty ham-mayo-cheddar sandwich in the dark, well past midnight, and nearing day five. it matched your shittier “sorryyy been busy </3” message to him. he wants to meet you so bad, but you won’t indulge in his fantasy.
“what would we do if we met up in your town?? =D”
all he gets back is a late reply of “mybe go to taco bell”
⊹ ࣪ ˖ it's really pathetic, he gets off on your bittersweet attention. he would never call it affection, even when you end messages with a less than three heart emoticon. ryan wants to believe you like him, telling himself that maybe you're just bad at romance! i mean, he’s jerking himself off on skype calls for you, whining and crying about how painful it is that you aren’t here sucking him off. he only gets to hear about you touching yourself to him; he never even sees it like you do him.
⊹ ࣪ ˖ by this point, he's regularly going days without food and making everyone else's life difficult as hell. he's yelling during practice, always nauseous with bile in his throat, hardly participating in pre- and post-show plans. sometimes he’d even spam text you with frowny faces and pick-me texts. you see each and every one, knowing that an hour later, he'd be somewhere kicking himself for being so embarrassing.
not clingy, embarrassing.
⊹ ࣪ ˖ it's around the start of the nothing rhymes with circus tour that you do finally start doting on him. you tell him you love him for the first time, and ryan thinks he's gonna burst. sending him encouraging videos from your laptop and little goodnight text messages after his performances. when he tells you the night of the denver show that he's especially nervous, you send him the first video of yourself, half-naked and moaning his name, telling him how much you love him. you're tired, so the effort is half-assed, but the words spill out naturally. you say he's so cool, how badly you want him, how he compares to no one else, really just going on and on about him. after this, he is never gonna take your soft rejects for an answer when discussing meeting up.
he needs you bad :(
i want pete to tell me exactly how to touch myself while on a video call with him , gah just imagine him fully clothed while reader has herself completely at his mercy
i think about this a lot
kiki replied:
⊹ ࣪ ˖ okay, my original response was coming out to be way too long so it'll be posted as a standalone. in the mean time: yes. he's asking you to turn around, and do little spins at the camera superrrr slowly. he's not afraid to be gross, he already has you wrapped around his finger. pete's asking you to finger fuck your throat until you gag, then to show the tears in your eyes after. spit on your chest, bite your wrists until it hurts, punch your gut, and slap yourself, it makes him happy! pete makes you push on your fresh bruises until you beg him to not do it anymore. dry hump your pillows and finger yourself too! if you moan his name you'll make him sooo proud of how well you already know what to say :( but don't cum! he'll let you know when you can. if he's feeling mean, you'll have to wait until the next time you guys videocall </3
i don’t think we talk enough about dead of night roommate mikey. when he is most vulnerable, standing in your doorway like a scared dog with ears bent. “can i lie down with you?” he’s so soft, tired and picking at vein of his wrist. your response comes automatic while scooting to make room for his lanky frame in the twin-size.
he’s cold, back to your chest, and talking about his day through mumbles and sleepy sighing. you hardly understand a word, but leave your nose pushed between the space of his neck and jaw so that he feels your nodding and hums. night time ambience and breathing to replace the air once he goes quiet, and you would’ve thought he’d fallen asleep if it wasn’t for the clear “i love you.” that came from him.
do we think if i ask nice enough he would let me put them back in. except i butcher it and he’s screaming loud as fuck with a nipple bleeding. but he still likes me. do we think.
