I think a " No Robins" AU would be really cool, because while yes, there's no Batman without Robin, can you IMAGINE the cuteness?
By " no robin" I don't mean the boys (Dick and Jason, but later everyone else) stay home, completely unaware of their Goth rat father fighting crime. They absolutely know he's batman and they ABSOLUTELY want kicks in.
But Bruce won't just let his children dive head first in Gotham’s crime pool. So he does what he does best; Pretend.
" Almost. Finish your chocolate milk so Jason can finish his."
" He's always copying me!"
Jason kicking his little legs in the child seat? Adorable. "B!"
Bruce is simply blocking this out. He's been driving in circles for two hours and when they finally fall asleep, he takes care of business, gets the robbers tied up, and by the time the boys wake up, he's like,
" You caught them. Good job."
The GCPD has to be useful SOMEHOW, so Gordon and Martinez take them to help look for "evidence." Yes, the evidence happens to be at the park
Even the Rogues are on board? Selina doesn't mind playing hurt when Dick hits her with a "batarang" from the local toy store. She decides to take it over the top and play dead, going limp,
" You killed her!" Jason screeches, because they LIKE Selina,
Bruce, completely calm as Tim pokes a shaking Selina with a stick, " Robin. What have you done."
Naturally, Dick wails, but luckily, she miraculously "comes back to life" and tells them cats really do have 9 lives. " You owe me so many diamonds, baby"
Bruce shrugs, patting Dick on the back, " You owe me therapy money,"
Harley and Ivy "fight" the birds a lot, but it's just Harley complimenting and hyping up Dick's gymnastics while Ivy swings them around with vines like carnival rides,
When Harley's "arrested", she pulls Bruce aside and is like, " Hey, maybe look into ADHD and autism, pretty sure they all have it, "
" Impossible? That's genetic. I have neither."
" ...1) They're adopted. 2) I have some news for you."
Harvey WILL kill Bruce on sight if he ever tells ANYONE he helped Jason and Tim tie him up with jumping cords. It's already bad enough that video of him slipping on bubblegum bombs (deactivated) is viral
" Okay, now three loops and around, -- Jason, that's a cat bridge."
" I'm NOT Jason Mr. Dent!"
" Right, ROBIN, -- can you at least gag this motherf-- this jerk? Jesus, Oswald, what'd you eat, death?"
Oz, tied back to back with Harvey, with marker all over his face, " Your MOTHER. I'M tired, KID, When's your old man coming back?"
" Dad says that if you miss bed time, you explode. Are you gonna explode, Mr. Penguin?"
"... I'm concerned that you're excited about it."
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